About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

My Life in a Nutshell

No this is me in a nutshell!

I’ve had a pretty normal week but this post will use bullet format to describe a few of the highlights.

    • Bowling-trick-shotOn Wednesday night my first bowling league concluded.  Our team finished with a 13-27 record which was good for last place in the league.  I used JC’s 16lb ball for the very first time in this league and rolled a 237 my very first game.  Easy game.  My average started out at 190 after the first 3 games and finished at 150 after a league’s worth of games.  I sprinkled in a 247 as well which was good for high score of the entire league.  It won me $100 bucks.  It should be noted that in a handicapped league, scores like these are horrible because even though you win the game most of the time, you screw yourself for games after due to the raised average.  I am partly why our team finished last.
    • His was better than mine.

      His was better than mine.

      Last night we played in the championship game in our rec bball league.  We were tied at halftime and lost by 20.  My top play was when Evan was backpedaling and the back of his head collided into my forehead.  Our team must have had 30 turnovers.  I also went 0-4 from the foul line.  It was humiliating.  I feel like a worse version of DeAndre Jordan.

    • Dillion Harper, a pornstar, favorited my tweet.  I’m not sure how she pronounces her name.  Is it Dill-E-on?  Or is it Dylan?   She’s hot.
Dillion Harper and Seth MacFarlane

Dillion Harper and Seth MacFarlane

By |2015-05-15T09:48:20-04:00May 15th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

Why You Should Love Sports

With no understanding if people watch Youtube videos from my blog (can’t at work, too small on a phone), I bring you some memorable moments of sports.

 

Larry Merchant Post-Fight Interview with Floyd Mayweather
I don’t know how you win a fight in this manner but Larry Merchant is wonderful in this interview. Larry’s like, “I’m not leaving this interview without Floyd admitting it’s a cheap shot.”

Reggie Miller Fights Michael Jordan
Can someone please comment about MJ’s sick block! Such weak punches though.

Nolan Ryan Headlocks Robin Ventura
I like how Ventura isn’t sure if he’s going to charge, decides it’s a good idea, then instantly realizes it was a bad idea when Nolan moves forward instead of backward.

1985 Superbowl Shuffle
The degree of seriousness that was taken when making this is what makes this clip. #4 dancing at 2:31 is a white person dancing.

Ron Artest Elbows James Harden
What a ridiculous move. I wasn’t sure to go with this one or the brawl.

Kelly Kulick Wins Mens PBA Tournament of Champions
The only female winner of a Male bowling championship. Nice Chris Barnes.

By |2015-05-14T09:31:16-04:00May 14th, 2015|Sports|1 Comment

Who’s David Letterman?

Dave Letterman on the Rolling Stone cover 2015

Dave Letterman on the Rolling Stone cover 2015

David Letterman is on the cover of the Rolling Stone this month and apparently it’s a big deal he’s retiring. He’s on this show called “The Late Show” with David Letterman at 11:35 on CBS. He interviews famous people and has this top 10 list which makes people laugh.  Apparently it’s pretty popular since it’s been on the air for 33 years.   News to me.

 

Late Night (Show) with David Letterman

Dave Letterman on Rolling Stone Cover 1982

Dave Letterman on Rolling Stone Cover 1982

In 1982, the Rolling Stone article titled “David Letterman: Resurrection After Midnight” examined if Late Night TV “will survive into the twenty-first century or will be replaced by video games.”  This new host “David Letterman” was taking over and no one knew what to expect after Johnny Carson.  Who was Dave?

“I never had a whole lot of friends, but I was in the group of people that was always making fun of everybody else. You know, we weren’t in the honor society, so we made fun of the honor society. And yet we weren’t the guys stealing cars, so we made fun of the guys stealing cars. We couldn’t do much. My grades weren’t good, and the guys I hung out with, their grades weren’t really good. And we couldn’t go out with the really good-looking girls. We would egg their houses. We’d find the best-looking girl and without ever even asking her out – we’d just assume she wouldn’t go out – we’d just go egg her house on theory, you know, just, hell, ‘Screw you, I know you’re not gonna go out with me, so we’ll egg your house.'”

funny-pictures-auto-jennifer-aniston-demotivation-376241Another quip:

“I think if you have any sense, you’ll adopt the view of life,” he says matter-of-factly, “that if the bucket of shit can explode, it will explode.”

This is how the author of the article, Lewis Grossberger, concludes:

Letterman seems to have the right instincts and equipment for interviewing. He’s smart. He listens – an amazingly rare talent – and can ask pertinent questions. Or he can go for laughs. He has good moves: wit, whimsy, charm, sarcasm. His insult whip snaps the air; it doesn’t cut flesh. He wears well. He has high growth potential.  

 

33 Years Later

David Letterman and Jay Leno

David Letterman and Jay Leno

“If you look around at the other people doing it and look at me, it’s almost like a pair of shoes you haven’t worn in a hundred years,” he says. “‘Gee, I think we can probably get rid of these.’ I still enjoy what I’m doing. But I think what I’m doing is not what you want at 11:30 anymore.”

He says the lack of YouTube-ability is “a weakness of our show. I hear about things going viral, and I think, ‘How do you do that?’ I think I’m the blockage in the plumbing.”

obamaHe’s 68 years old and understands his time is through.  I’m sure critics would say he was passed his time a decade ago.  His ratings are losing to Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel is right up his rear.  To do a job in the national eye for 33 years is worth applauding even if the opinion is he just isn’t that funny anymore.

I hardly watched Dave so you may be asking why I’m even writing about him.  This is a good question.  I have a good answer.  I read how he is spending his time and I envy it.  I want to spend my life the way he is spending his.

“Where Dave’s ranch is (Montana) has some of the most incredible wildlife in America.” Hanna says. “Grizzlies, black bears, mountain lions, elk, moose, wolverines. It’s like going back in time. Those plains have not changed in 500 years.”

Milky_Way_Night_Sky_Black_Rock_Desert_Nevada“In the summer, it doesn’t really get dark until 11, maybe midnight,” Letterman says. “so you stay up as late as you can, and then finally, about 11:45, when it’s just crepuscular, you wait for that last line of light to duck down behind the mountains. It’s beautiful – the Milky Way is so bright that it actually washes out the stars. I always sleep with my glasses on, so that when I wake up in the middle of the night – which, at my age, is every 18 minutes – I’ll be able to see satellites and planets and constellations and shooting stars. It’s remarkable.”

cre·pus·cu·lar
adjective
of, resembling, or relating to twilight

I’m actually curious if my audience likes a post like this.  I obviously took most of it from the Rolling Stone article but since they write better than me, I’d expect it should be good material.  Plagiarism sure, but good material.

 

By |2015-05-12T22:32:18-04:00May 12th, 2015|Celeb|3 Comments

Let Africa Expand Your Mind

Did you know there are over 173 million people in Nigeria? It’s the 8th most populous nation in the world!  Africa as a whole has 1.033 billion people.  This is how big Africa is.

Size of Africa

 

My brain knows about 3 facts about the world’s population.

  • The United States has over 300 million people in it
  • There are over a billion people in India (1.2) and China (1.3)
  • There are 750 million people in Europe

Common knowledge is that there are over 7 billion people in the world.  Based on my knowledge and this new Africa knowledge, I’ve accounted for about 4.5 billion.  This number is difficult to wrap your mind around and I’ll explain why I have a hard time doing it.

People love lists. 

1.  You’re one person.  You think your world is important.  It’s not as important as you think.

2.  You’re in one area.  You think what you’re doing in Philadelphia is important.  It’s not important to someone in Japan.

3.  When you realize that 7 billion people are all thinking but not coming up with the actual realization of how insignificant they are, you start to understand what’s important and what’s not.  I see this thought as more a passing thought and not a life altering thought.

Upset Office Employee GifIt’s wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die, Michael, I realized that we don’t have a lot of time on this earth. We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings weren’t meant to sit in little cubicles, starring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements.

By |2015-05-12T09:44:39-04:00May 12th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

Historically Low Traffic

Your site isn’t getting traffic because your content isn’t important or useful enough. It’s that simple. You’re not raising the bar, helping people, entertaining them, changing lives, and inspiring your readers to take some form of action. If you were, your audience would grow. Trust me.

blog-traffic-downI must have upset Google because my traffic is low.  After getting 800 people from a Reddit link, I’ve been punished and logged 131 people yesterday.  Considering I think the blog is at an all-time high, this is disturbing.  I pretty much always think the blog is at an all-time high by the way.

This post however isn’t going to be an all-time high post.  This is a “my brain isn’t working 100% and I’m not able to produce a great post so you’re going to get my shitty weekend report.”

On Saturday the Stortz clan met up with my mom for some brunch and to celebrate Mother’s day.  Laura liked a place called Kanella’s where I had some salmon infused eggs which were interesting.  We walked around Rittenhouse for a little after to check out the art and parted ways.  I then met up with Gourlay and crew at Frankfurt Hall for a few hours.  I made a mistake and didn’t eat after the brunch and after 3 tall beers at Frankfurt Hall I was toast.  My younger self would have continued getting plastered but I went home and passed out at 9pm.  Life is tough at 31.

hole7ravensclawShee, Jeff, Mike, and I played golf yesterday at Raven’s Claw.  My scorecard had me shooting a 91 and edging out Jeff and Adam by a stroke.  Jeff’s scorecard had something completely different.  It was a fun time though and the only part I’ll remember is chipping in from 20 yards to save a 9 on a par 5.

I didn’t exercise once over the last 3 days and feel like a piece of shit.  I should be back on track by tomorrow.

By |2015-05-11T10:47:30-04:00May 11th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

Septa Driver Loses Control – Your Thoughts?

Sanka, you dead mon?

Sanka, you dead mon?

Septa Driver Loses Control of Bus

I apologize but the video doesn’t allow me to embed it to the site so I have to use a hyperlink.

The email from JKash:

I think you should post the video from this story, and request readers to simply make observations.  Many, many ridiculous observations to be made.

A few of mine.

  • I love how Septa makes it clear that she’s been driving for 10 years.
  • Am I bad person for laughing hysterically through the fall.
  • The driving gloves are doing wonders for her.
  • 4 cameras tracking every move on the bus?  It feels like Speed.

 

By |2016-11-03T15:07:47-04:00May 8th, 2015|Videos|4 Comments

Why I’m Glad To Be Alive in 2015

You can fall.  Period.

You can fall. Period.

I’ve learned through Facebook Ads that titles have to appeal to everyone. If this link gets published on my Twitter and Facebook feeds and reads, “Why I think Perfect Dark was better than Goldeneye”, my list of potential readers is Sam, Evan and Alex. If I title it, why I like living, now 100% of people could potentially have an interest.

It’s not fair to make a catchy title and then go off topic so I’m actually going to create a list of reasons why I’m happy to be alive during 2015. This post was inspired after hearing JC tell me that he’s going to take the next year and become a “technology whiz”. This got me thinking that it’s mere chance that you are born in a particular time frame and some are better than others.

Here are my reasons for being in my prime during 2015:

  • This device I'm talking into is bigger than my head.

    This device I’m talking into is bigger than my head.

    Your phone can take picture and video of anything, anytime.  I have the ability to share my experiences with anyone who has interest instantly.  Only 20 years ago this capability wasn’t available and you’d have to take a picture, get the film developed, then mail it to a friend.  Now it takes literally less than a minute to share digital images and video.  Sharing information leads to the discovery of more cool shit.

  • Let me grab the book, it'll only take a mi...hour.

    Let me grab the book, it’ll only take a mi…hour.

    Information is at your fingertips.  If I wanted to get information in 1980 I’d have to visit my library, use the Dewey Decimal System / Card Catalog and them leaf through a book finding the information.  Now there is Google.  I can’t think of a more powerful means of access than to information.  Google makes people smarter.  Smarter people lead to the discovery of more cool shit.

  • Hyperloop

    Derails aren’t a big deal because the train just takes flight.

    Transportation is insane.  Are you aware that Elon Musk wants to build a high speed transport that goes 700 mph called the hyperloop?  A train that goes 700mph?!?!  Cars are just as crazy.  Do you realize how relaxed you are to be sitting in a vehicle traveling 80mph, switching the radio, and tweeting at the same time?  You’re just sitting in a seat while the world flies by you.  It’s head spinning.  Let’s not even start on airplanes.  The ability of cheap transport is universally appealing because travel allows more people to interact.  The more people sharing different ideas leads to the discovery or more cool shit.

This guy gets it.

This guy gets it.

I don’t think I need paragraphs on Wawa Coffee, Banshee (yes Weens I did like this show but would have actually put Silicon Valley if I was being current), fantasy sports, and more craft beers than you can count.    Life is good.  I know there are poor people out there who have a tough time in life and it probably sucks not to be privileged.  However, one purpose of my life is to give back if I can ever make it myself.  For that to happen I need rnningfool.com to start wielding some influence.  Oh well.  Maybe next life.

By |2015-05-08T09:41:47-04:00May 8th, 2015|My Brain|3 Comments

Blame Deflategate on Brady

bradyYahoo! has a good article on deflategate.  The report targets 3 people:

“Based on the evidence, we also have concluded that it is more probable than not that Tom Brady was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities of [Jim] McNally and [John] Jastremski involving the release of air from Patriots game balls,” the report said.

Belicheck and Kraft are out of the loop and it is all coming down on these 3 individuals.  WHEW!!!!  Kraft can make comments that no hard evidence was found and it’s futile to fight the league but talk about a relief.  Your untouchable QB is being targeted and 2 expendable equipment personnel.  10/10.

originalPunishments haven’t been handed out yet but what’s the worst that can happen?  Brady gets a 2 game suspension and the Pats start the season 0-2?  Is the league really going to suspend the star QB for the entire season?  I don’t see that happening.

I also suspect that after reviewing the report Brady was 100% aware of what was being done.  Read this:

Deflated-NFL-FootballMcNally took the game balls into a bathroom before the AFC championship game, locked the door and remained in there for approximately one minute and 40 seconds. He apparently took the game balls in a breach of standard pregame procedure, the report said. Referee Walt Anderson said it was “the first time in Anderson’s nineteen years as an NFL official that he could not locate the game balls at the start of a game,” according to the report.

19 YEARS as an official!  They did it.  They freaking did.  What are the chances that all of their balls were deflated compared to 0 of the Colts balls?  Brady even had text correspondence saying that he was upset with the air pressure in the balls during a previous game.  He’s aware of the issue and knows the type of football that gives him the better chance to win.   Win / Win for the Pats here.  Slimy bastards though.

 

By |2015-05-07T14:05:22-04:00May 7th, 2015|Sports|3 Comments

My Hoarding

I was cleaning my room last night and noticed the top of my dresser was filled with trinkets or objects that don’t ever get thrown out. Here was what they looked like.
Nostalgic Counter Top

  • Far left is a picture of Evan, Justin K, Celeste, and myself from December 5th, 2013.  Why do I still keep this?  I honestly have no idea where else to put it that’s not the trash can.  Apparently this photo op drew the fine line of being important enough to me not to throw out.
  • A pin the says “it’s my fucking birthday” was given to me almost 18 months ago.  Lauren McGrath made it (or bought it) and it was cool enough for me to not throw out.  I didn’t wear it once.
  • Above that is about 20 bucks worth of casino chips to Valley Forge, Sugar House, and a few AC casinos.  A voucher for $1.60 is also present.
  • There are 4 coins which hold some type of currency but they aren’t a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, so I have no idea what to do with them.  The far right is a $1 and the one to the left is $.50.
  • Below the coins is a gift card for $50 to a Steven Starr restaurant.  I just don’t use gift cards.  I used JKash’s $50 dollar Express gift card to by a 3 months subscription to Brazzers.
  • The far right are 2 wedding invitations that are upcoming.  I keep these so I don’t forget to go.
By |2015-05-07T09:46:33-04:00May 7th, 2015|My Life|1 Comment

What Gives Me Fulfillment

A group of lions is called a pride for a reason.  I'm purely guessing it's this.

A group of lions is called a pride for a reason. I’m purely guessing it’s this.

It’s written that posts should be aimed at the reader but I’m going to spin this around and write about myself because I can.  It’s my blog.  Your just on this ride.  So sit tight.  Buckle up.  Enjoy the ride.

What is being fulfilled?  It’s satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.    I’ve recently encountered this 2 times within the last 12 hours which I’ll write about.

 

Real Life  Part 1

I say, “this is how much money you’ll make.”

About a month ago I walked into a paint store in Baltimore and asked to speak to the store manager.  I was told to talk to Chris and introduced myself as Tom Stortz.  I said, “I have a line of paint scrapers that I think would sell well in your area.”  I showed him our sell sheet, a sample, and discussed pricing within the first 2 minutes.

After listening to me, he pulled out a Stortz 150-A (not a paint scraper) and said, “I was cleaning out my attic and came across this tool.”  This was a relic from our line that we are actually still producing.  He told me he’d give me a shot and purchased a few dozen scrapers.  I was happy.

XJrIfThe story doesn’t end there though.  Today he re-ordered.  Within one month he purchased 3 dozen more scrapers and a smile came over my face.  Everyone involved in the transaction is happy.  I’m happy because I’m selling a quality product at a profit.  He’s happy because he’s making a profit and his customer is equally happy because he is buying a quality tool at a good price.  Trifecta.

 

Real Life Part 2

gapinskiMy second instance came when Mark Gapinski commented on my blog.  I’d recently went through a incompatibility issue that messed up some blog settings.  I spent a few hours researching and then came back improved over where I was at.  I installed a JetPack widget that enabled the Twitter widget again and a few more settings to auto post my entries on Twitter and Facebook.

I wrote a post today, it appeared on Twitter, Mark clicked the link and then commented on the post.  I’ve probably met Mark 12 times in my life and we know each other through Sam.  My point is that we’re not best friends and he went out of his way to comment on a post.  Believe it or not that actually means a lot to me.  It essentially takes Mark from one of Sam’s friends to a person who if he was ever in dire need, I’d help him out if he needed help.  I know it’s silly but getting interaction through my posts fulfills me.

This has nothing to do with this post, I just felt like sharing.

This has nothing to do with this post, I just felt like sharing.

Everyone feels fulfilled from different activities at different points of their life.  Sometimes it feels like I can go weeks without feeling these types of feelings but they do come if you work hard at them.  I believe these two tales are tales of hard work and seeing it paid off.  That is feeling fulfilled.

 

By |2015-05-07T09:49:47-04:00May 6th, 2015|My Brain|1 Comment

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