The Stripper That Never Was

300x300I  went to Deliah’s for about 30 minutes. I met a stripper who was an alcoholic and got into a fight after drinking too much tequila. Of course I bought her a shot of tequila and she whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I was too smart for that and went to the stage only to give a 10 out of 10 an amazing 5 dollars that I mistaken for a 1.

I went home to recover but the damage was done.  I went to the bowling alley to see if they had any open lanes but they did not.

Football Week 3

tanne14

Please play great this week. Please play great this week. Please play great this week.

It’s 8:25am on a Saturday and my mind is working at 100% which is unusual. Last week wasn’t my finest but I expect better results. Onward.

Bets

Since the last post, I was up 23 units (7-3) on NFL and 0 sum on college (2-3). In the meantime I won a 2 unit Eagles ML and lost a 4 unit bet on the Texans. I’m now 8-4, +21 units (+15.7 with the juice). Maybe a small college play for the action but nothing worth talking about.

Typical bro. Your not ready for the NFL.

Typical bro. Your not ready for the NFL.

Dolphins -10, 4 units – This game will make or break me for this week and I’m fully behind the intuition. Cody Kessler is the Browns QB. The Dolphins D-Line is huge with Mario Williams and Ndamukong Suh.  In each of the first two weeks, the Dolphins have injured the opposing quarterback, with Suh stepping on Russell Wilson’s ankle to cause a sprain and linebacker Kiko Alonso driving New England’s Jimmy Garropolo to the turf and knocking him out of Thursday night’s game with a shoulder injury. Plus this  “most NFL draft gurus graded Kessler as an undrafted free agent and were shocked when the Browns selected him 93rd overall.” I’ll be riding Tannehill to the grave in DFS and in season long leagues. Liking Landry and Parker as well. Here comes a blow out.

Obligatory Lindsey Duke, no more Black Bortles distraction, pic. Hey it worked in week 1.

Obligatory Lindsey Duke, no more Black Bortles distraction, pic. Hey it worked in week 1.

Jaguars +1, 4 units – I’m going to come flat out and say I jumped the gun on this. Everyone knows that the lines are the most incorrect when they first come out and that’s where the easiest money is to be made. I saw a home dog in the Jags and took it, why? On Sunday I was watching the direct TV package, and not RedZone, and watched the entire Ravens game. They were down 20-0 before McCown  got hurt. They looked lost and I believe the Jags are ready to be found. They played the Pack tough at home (who appears to suck worse than expected) and got their pooters packed by the Chargers away. My only minor concern is I didn’t read the match-ups by Evan Silva before making this bet and he’s the other way which obviously worries me. He was right about the Pats game and I’ll make it my mission to not bet a game without reading his write up.

You can hear that cash register ringing.

You can hear that cash register ringing.

Panthers -7, 4 units – People may forget that the Panthers started the season last year 14-0 before succumbing to the Atlanta Falcons. This year. they are leading the league in points, 3rd in total yards, and have the best rushing attack in the NFL while sporting a 1-1 record. Their loss is to the Broncos who not only won the Superbowl last year but have a defense that is incredible lead by Von Miller. The Panthers are home amidst the Charlotte riots which should inspire strong play. They play against a Vikings team coming off a strong performance against the Pack at home. The Vikings recently lost All Day until November and have found a gem in Stefon Diggs. Fortunately for me, once you stop Diggs, you stop the entire offense. Even though the Vikings have a strong D, this is a Panthers mop up game at home. Also don’t expect much from Greg Olsen because BML in Charlotte.

5 Team Teaser – Redskins +10, Lions +13.5, Dolphins -4, Broncos +9, Jets +9. 2 units – I haven’t released a teaser yet but I liked a lot of the games on the card this week. Adding points to already big numbers is usually how I like to play my teasers. You go for games that hopefully won’t be blowouts. Quick thoughts on each pick. The OBJ-Norman rivalry will obviously be awesome and Kirk Cousins has been sucking but even though I don’t expect the Skins to win away, it’ll be close. The Packers are seemingly overrated and although they will play better home, the Lions should hang in there. Read above on the Dolphins. The Bronco’s D is too tough to be laying 9 to. The Jets are sort of a weird team but they have a lot of weapons and 9 will be too many.

 

Draftkings

I’m -$42 on the season which is hardly bad, but certainly not good. I deposited $100 to start the season so I’m more cash strapped this week as I only enter 4 tournaments before, hopefully, not another re-deposit. I am well aware this isn’t positive EV but I enjoy the Sundays so much more that for $20 a week, I’m not worried about it.

vikings-stefon-diggs-catch-vs-packers-inline

No reason to think it won’t happen again.

I’m sure you can consider it point chasing but guys like Diggs, Travis Benjamin, and DeVantae Paker are finding my lineups due to price. I’m a big fan of Amari Cooper this week and DeAngelo, AB, and DJ are no brainers. Tajae Sharpe as a #1 WR at that price is also a guy I’m playing. With regards to other RB’s, Sims, Riddick, Gordon, should all be bell cows. I also might sprinkle some Christine Michael for some exposure. Trey Burton being a minimum is also in play if Zach Ertz doesn’t suit up. Bucs and Dolphins D are the way to go this week.

dkfb

 

 

Fantasy Football

rafi-is-bobbum-manWild Turkeys – Sitting at 1-1 and already behind 0-22.5, I’m not playing from a great spot. Add to that I have to play against Amari Cooper and AB, both of whom I’ll be using in DFS, this isn’t looking great. I’m hoping for a bounce back from Eli and Hoyer to be able to get Jeffery the ball. McCoy is predicted to have a rough go but there’s not much I can do. I also have the problem with Olsen because BML. David Johnson will have to be my savior. I’m also counting on the Dolphins for some nice points.

rafi-the-league-collection-ijzr5t3eteuszBig Johnson’s – Also 1-1, I’ll be rolling the dice with a Tannehill-Landry stack. David Johnson, Devonta Freeman, and Theo Riddick are strong RB starts. Snead and Jordan Reed round out a nice team. I’ll decide between Maclin and Riddick at game time. Same Miami D play. I got a boost from my opponent playing Will Fuller and once again have to fade AB.

tumblr_mgc5adyrdn1s2vo5vo1_1280Jameis Has Crabs – A bozo dropped Eli in this league so I scooped him. Tough choice between him and Tannehill this week. RB’s in McCoy, Freeman, and Forte aren’t wonderful but easy choices. Jordan Matthews and Crabtree are serviceable and hopefully Reed goes off. I can consider Tajae or Sterling for that Crabtree spot as well. I’m playing a good team with Cam, DeMarco, Riddick, Doug Baldwin, and of course, AB. How the fuck does that happen?

 

Eliminator

I HATE HATE HATE putting all my eggs in one basket on this Dolphins game but I’ll eat my words hard if the Browns can beat the Dolphins at home. The Saints are my other pick but it’s hard for me to justify liking that one over the Fins.

Nice sweat in the golf as well. 306 out of 29,411.

golfdk

 

The Worst Football Game I’ve Ever Watched

mmqb-jacoby-brissett-one-snapI don’t mind losing. I lose all the time and have learned to deal with losses. Last night was one of the worst games I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life and being on the wrong side of it leaves me mystified. To be that wrong makes you question your entire football betting existence. Why was it so bad?

  • The Texans didn’t cross midfield until the 3rd quarter
  • The Texans fumbled on kickoff returns twice
  • Jacoby Brisset didn’t even have to play. He could have kneeled every down and the Pats would have won
Just have long hair and you'll be one of the best RB's in the league.

Just have long hair and you’ll be one of the best RB’s in the league.

The thinking behind the game was that it’s a rookie QB, the Texans D-line is sick and would put pressure all game long, it felt like the Patriots weren’t in a dominate position without Gronk (did play but ineffective still) and Brady.

What happened? 0 pressure. Jacoby didn’t have to pass and when he did he completed short passes that went for big gains. The offense of the Texans was nauseating. 3rd and 3. What should we do? Let’s run Lamar Miller into the line. I will never take the Texans again this entire year after watching that game. Blacklisted.

I don’t even mind losing my own money but I told Jeff, “don’t overthink it”, take the Texans. He lost money too and that hurts worse. Add to it that I’m playing against Blount and the asshole scores a 30+ yard TD in the 4th which was meaningless to the game. For christ sake, be worse.

Barstool Sports is Phony

What It Has Become

Erika Nardini

Erika Nardini

I’ve been a Stoolie for at least 5 years and this new acquisition by the Chernin Group is taking a turn for the worse. The Pres sold Barstool for a figure in the range of $15 million a few months ago and gave up control of the company. They hired a female CEO named Erika Nardini (who used to work for AOL) and the site has radically changed. What we are now seeing:

  • A desperate plea to sign up for their newsletter
  • More and more podcasts that no one wants to listen to
  • More bigger named sponsored (Kohls, Spotify, Covergirl, Coca Cola) all over the site
  • Content that is not worth reading because it’s pilfered from Reddit or just plain stupid

It seems exactly like Deadspin, BuzzFeed, and the other crap that developed once they sold out.

What It Was

portnoyThe reason Stoolies liked Barstool was because they could identify with its unorganized approach. The office was a shit hole. The employees were all degenerates.  The content was silly. The Pres was a hero.

Now they have a bunch of corporate assholes running the company and the zany bloggers are now employees. Not even good employees. Before it was funny that they were uneducated and wrote about worthless information. Now they are expected to be journalists and they flat out aren’t. When Smitty was in Philly I was amused as his local antics. Now that he’s in New York, he’s just another blogger and one that I frankly care little about.

Barstool was real. Even though the Pres was completely shtick, it was real shtick. Now it’s like, “what can we come up with that will produce a lot of eyeballs.” It’s forced and not worth paying attention to.

What I Hope Happens

I hope they start to lose a lot of money, go bankrupt, and go back to what it was. It wasn’t lavish but this new formula doesn’t work. It’s a phony act that looks to appease million dollar corporations and bring on new eyeballs of people who won’t be “stoolies”. RIP Barstool.

For the record, the Pres bought a 2 million dollar mansion in Nantucket that looks like this.

portnoy-house-2-750x500

It’s Ok To Laugh

My new thesaurus is terrible.
It’s also terrible.

Sam and I went back home to bowl in the league on Monday and we ended up going 2-2 to bowlers who didn’t even care if they played let alone won. Very frustrating. Wevs carried the team and everyone else was a bit below average.

homeIt’s also my final day at the beach as work keeps piling up and I’m heading back to not get overloaded for Monday. Combine that with an Eagles-Steelers tailgate and Monday may not be so productive. I’ll be on the Texans -1 for 4 units tonight against Rob Kelley’s wishes I’m sure.

Golf went well yesterday as I made a slight adjustment to my swing and was hitting the ball with good contact time and time again. I finished with a 90 but could have been shots better if it wasn’t for a few unlucky breaks.

The 10 seconds where this video is pointed are hilarious.

Doing Nothing

beach-chairsI’ve been waking up and doing what your supposed to do on vacation, nothing. Today I spent an hour doing the crossword puzzles. 30 minutes on the 3 star Sudoku which I cleared today. An hour researching fantasy football. Now I’m writing this blog post and will go for a run for an hour before playing golf. I could get used to this.

Week 2 Recap

Bets

lotsofmoneyonlineSo you can see from my last post that I was 2-1 (pick made in the comment section) for +5 units yesterday. I also took Sam’s “lock of the week” on the Falcons for another 5 units. A big mistake I made was over extending on the Packers game for 8 units. I was trying to ride a wave and went against bankroll management. That puts me:

NFL – 7-3 (+23 units)

CFB – 2-3 (0 units) (that parlay hit which is astounding)

EPL – 0-1 (-1.5 units)

DraftKings

alsmizzleAlSmizzle won the Sunday Million. I know that doesn’t mean much to most people but it’s sort of a dagger to the every man. The more Draftkings I play, the more I know it’s won by the pros and that’s just the way it is. The every man can purchase subscriptions giving insight but they don’t have the bankroll to put in hundreds of entries. If you look through my lineups you can see I was on a lot of the right people with Benjamin, Blount, Olsen, and J. James but was way off on Tajae Sharpe, A Foster, Rashad Jennings, A Rob, and unlucky on Woodhead. You can’t have people in your lineup who do shit and I did in a few spots. I invested $95 dollars and ended up winning $54 for a net loss of -$41. FYI, the winning team in the Million was Cam, DJ, Blount, both Benjamins, Diggs, Marving Jones, Gates, Broncos.

Fantasy

733b8d73411d58bef257a2ae38d670fbWild Turkeys – Unless Alshon goes nuts for 25+ points, I will be losing. Playing the Jets D proved to be a mistake and I paid the price with Rashad Jennings over Ryan Mathews (most likely). Adam put up 120 and that’s a total that wins most weeks. Most likely 1-1 but I’ve seen crazier things happen.

Big Johnson’s – No real match up mistakes. Could have played Corey Coleman instead of Rashad Jennings but that’s a stretch. Put up 95 points but ran up against a team of Cam to Benjamin who put up more than half of the team’s points. 1-1.

Jameis Has Crabs – Squeaked out a win fading the Eli, OBJ, Jennings stack. Forte helped. I made an error playing Foster over Freeman but fortunately it didn’t cost me. 2-0.

Pigskin Pick Em’ and Eliminator

I’m currently sitting tied for 2nd in the Softerware pick’em that is not ATS and 1st in the “Reason to Drink” ATS. Softerware has about 30 members and the other has about 23. I’d say this is a pretty solid start to the season but still a very small sample size.

Panthers got the job done as we move on to week 3.

 

Football Week 2

Each Saturday for the next 16 weeks I’ll be releasing all of my plays and action. I’m sure no one cares but me, but I have done a lot of research so maybe you’ll be able to use a tidbit or two.

Bets

make-money-online-bloggingAfter hitting the Rice game last night for 2 units, I’m up 13 units on the season with a 5-1 NFL record (+21) and 1-3 (-5 units) in college. I’m aware that it’s +16 units but there is this thing called the juice which makes it so I’m not exactly sure how to record it.

MSU +7, Louisville +3, Miss +11, Parlay 1 unit – I woke up groggy this morning and heard the guy on Gameday saying he liked these 3 teams. Considering I know nothing about CFB, this is the only action I will give.

Counting on you bro.

Counting on you bro.

Browns +6, 4 units – Betting on the Browns, are you nuts? Home dog, new QB, and everyone and their mother think the Brown (or the Rams) are the worst team in football based off of one game. If RG3 were the QB, I’d tend to agree but Josh Mccown is legit. He doesn’t win (2-17 in his last 19 games) but he’s an improvement. I like the Ravens a lot in this game and I think they will win, but it’ll be closer than you think.

Lions -6, 4 units – I’m not convinced that the Titans are any good. They managed 16 points against a decent Vikings D but basically gave the game away with a pick 6 and a fumble returned for a TD. Mistake prone, against a solid Lions team that put up nice points against the Colts away, should make for an easy W.

I’ll most likely bet a 4pm game but we’ll see how these two go first.

 

DraftKings

I’m entered in the $20 big tourny (289k) , the $9 Slant (53k), 2 $20 3 man tourny’s, and a few $10 5 and 10 man. Cheap guys I like a lot this week are Tajae Sharpe, Danny Woodhead, Legarrette, and Josh McCown. Obvious plays like DJ, OBJ, Julio, DeAngelo, AJ Green, and Cam are sprinkled in a few spots. Non obvious players I’ll use are Lamar Miller, ARob, Greg Olsen, and Jesse James. I’ll also utilize a 2 TE stack in non-big tourney leagues to hopefully allow me a lower floor, lower ceiling play. I’m staying away from the Giants-Saints stacks which I’m sure will be bombarded across the site so I’ll be rooting against those points.

dk

 

Fantasy

After going 3-0 last week I’m hopeful that my teams will continue to roll.

mtqwnzmymzywmty0nduymtqwWild Turkeys – I passed out during the end of the 49ers game but Carlos Hyde needed 25+ points to beat me and ended up with 22 so I narrowly won by 3. A win is a win though so no complaints. This week I’m playing Addasheee who is a tough opponent but I’m 7-4 lifetime dating back to ’08.. He has the edge already in week 2 with Decker going for 21.6 (+10 on projection) and I’ve already played LeSean and the Jets D who were -6 on their projections. Looking for big days from Eli, Jeffrey, Snead, DJ, Olsen, and R Jennings. Adam is sitting Emanual Sanders who I expect to come in for Jeremy Maclin. I also have Woodhead in all my Draftkings so that’s just the breaks.

Big Johnson’s – JKash threw out some casual trash talk which I thoroughly enjoy. It makes it that much better when I ruin his team. Unfortunately I’ll have to fade a Cam to Benjamin stack which will not be fun. He also has J Stew who is predicted to have a big game but I’ll believe it when I see it. He swapped out Tamme for Jesse James which also kind of pisses me off. I can’t decide between Jameis and Dalton. I’m also benching Maclin and playing Snead. We are projected at exactly the same total so it should be close.

fantasy-football-meme-2015Jameis Has Crabs – I got off to a hot start with LeSean and Forte combining for 40 points. I dropped the ball on Tyrod and went with Flacco instead. I have to fade a big time Giants stack with Eli, OBJ, and Jennings. He also has Cooks. I’m thinking the Giants-Saints game won’t go the way everyone is predicting and less points will be scored. I’m not too worried about Mike Evans and J Stew. My team is looking at playing Tajae Sharpe over Crabtree which I haven’t exactly set in stone. I’m a 5 point favorite at this point.

 

Eliminator

Panthers are the obvious pick and I will be on them.

 

NVAX Drops 80%!

nvaxbloodbath

Today is not a good day for NVAX owners. If you’ve read my previous posts and had money in this trainwreck, I apologize. The results regarding their RSV vaccine were not positive and investors jumped ship. I’ve never seen an 80% plunge before.

This is why you don’t have all your eggs in one basket. I immediately think about Harry from Boiler Room except he was scammed into losing his money and I actively lost my money. Once again a recommendation I made has lost money. This is becoming a common theme and I’d advocate going against anything I say. Life is hard.

On the Road Again

A photo of an Ikea

A photo of an Ikea and irrelevant to this entire post

Stortz Tools printed a new catalog and one of my jobs is distributing it. I spent the last 3 days on the road and you may, but more likely may not, find this worth reading.

 

 

Day 1

I woke up at 5:30am on Monday and ran, literally ran, to the shop to get my car which had about 5k worth of inventory in it. I drove the car to the gas station to fill up the front right tire with air because a brand new tire not installed correct had a small leak. This gave me anxiety throughout the entire 3 day trip.

2for-3-33sizzli_pc_xl_v2_akI showered and put on slacks and a button down which I’ll comment on later and set off. My first stop was in Trenton. I drove the 45 minutes North on 95 and got a 20 oz coffee and 2 Sizzli’s from a nearby Wawa. I won’t bore you with my sales pitch or how people reacted because it’s truly not that exciting.

I ended up making 18 stops on the day which is pretty damn good. It shows that good planning and mapping out your location ahead of time pays off. I essentially went from Trenton, NJ to Scotia, NY, making stops along the way, all in one day.

I ran through here.

I ran through here.

I stayed in Saratoga Springs, NY because I know the Pres had been there. I got a room at a Best Western for $115 and went for a run around the area. I felt really good after the run and ate at a local brewery called Druthers. I drank 4 beers, watched the NFL, and talked to this one bro who claimed that the Space X explosion was caused by aliens. Maybe?

I fell asleep at 10 pm after losing 4 units on the Redskins and not betting the Rams (thankfully).

 

 

Day 2

20160913_151742

This is what a slab of slate looks like.

I got up at 6am and got the Best Western’s continental breakfast. The coffee was horrible and the best part of the meal was the Frosted Flakes.

I headed out around 7 and listened to Howard on my way to the next trip in Poultney, Vermont. If you aren’t familar with Poultney, or Granville for that matter, it is where all of the slate comes from in the USA. I made a few more visits to people we sell to and then met up with the people who were the reason for my trip at 10am.

Once again without boring you with details about my work, I partook in an instructional class in slate roofing. We viewed the mill process of slate and even had dinner at the Slate Museum in Granville. I went to sleep around 10pm but once again was exhausted from the day.

 

 

Day 3

20160914_062922I awoke to an awesome sunrise at the Panarama Hotel in Hampton, NY. I then did a little presentation on slate and metal tools and made my first mistake of my trip. Instead of getting footage of the instructional class, I left to make more sales calls but I didn’t realize they were too far away.

vermont

This is exactly what driving through Vermont looks like.

I left Vermont and traveled 3.5 hours to Somerville, MA. I hit some traffic on the way and by the time I had made 4 stops in Boston and Brockton, it was already 2:30 pm and I was an hour and a half away from any stop to make that I knew of. I trekked the 6 hours home through GW bridge traffic and nearly peed myself. I had a 32 oz Gatorade bottle but was pretty sure I’d fill it up. I was lights out when I got home.

 

Final Thoughts

  • I can't take anymore sales trips.

    I can’t take anymore sales trips.

    It was odd when I’d walk into a store with my nice clothes on because the people would immediately get intimidated. The 3rd day when I was making stops I was dressed in a polo and jeans and it felt much more comfortable to all parties involved. I’ve read before that you should be dressed a little bit better than the person you are selling to and when your customers are 9-5 customer service people, the nicer is not better.

  • Driving too far out of the way is not smart. The furthest stop away from each stop should be 30-45 minutes. If places are spread too far, you end up driving more than you want to.
  • b001fbb04i-1Sirius radio is a life saver because it never lose the signal. Google Maps is also essential to traveling to the unknown. I swapped between Howard, Fantasy Football news talk, and music the entire way. Google Maps is also on point with timing and directions. No complaints.
  • Pounding the pavement is an outdated means of salesmanship. It’s too slow. The pro’s are that you actually meet people face to face and see the locations of where your products are being sent which you cannot do from inside a room. The con’s are that it takes a lot of time and you are primarily speaking to people who aren’t that interested. I know that sounds stupid but you try to open up new accounts. It’s not an easy task.