A Headline That Works

This headline:

Muhammad Ali dodges 21 punches in 10 seconds

Made me watch the video.  Why?  Because my brain says, “21 punches in 10 seconds”, that doesn’t add up.  A headline that makes me think that it’s not possible gets my interest.  When my mind has to translate words into a scenario that I can’t visualize, I wants to see.

buzzfeedAnother funny headline that Jeff and I look at are a certain amount of reasons why something….

  • 10 tips to make your ass look skinner
  • 21 reasons why you’re poor
  • 187 ways to cook chicken

Most of the time you only need 1.

  • Eat healthier
  • Don’t spend so much
  • The oven

Now you combine the two methods and put numbers into an idea and you get the headline I posted.

A note about the video:

muhammedali

Not to diminish the fact that Ali was almost inhumanly talented, but this was an exhibition match for fun. Michael Dokes (19 at the time) was legitimately trying to hit him, but he was WAYYYYYYYYyyyyyyy outclassed. 

 

Kate Upton’s Boobs in Game of War

There’s a good chance if you watch any TV that you’ve seen this commercial with Kate Upton inspiring an army to go to war. I give major thumbs up to whoever thought of hiring Kate Upton for this as it targets teenage boys who love video games and big boobs.

Why does she talk so slow? Is Kate’s speech supposed to be funny or uplifting? The dialogue was oddly chosen and could have been refined as one or the other, I’d personally leaned more to the funny.

The boob bounce towards the end is a 10/10.

Nice view.

Nice view.

It's advertised as ADDICTIVE!

It’s advertised as ADDICTIVE!

I enjoy breaking down advertising because it gives perspective on how people make money. #1 point to notice is that this game is making enough money that they are hiring Kate Upton who must command top dollar.

The point of the game is building an army, making alliances, and battling other players. How does this free download make money? It’s FREEMIUM! Here’s a pricing structure:

28000 Gold $99.99
3900 Gold $19.99
1200 Gold $4.99

machine_zone_logo_webIn order to progress faster through the game, you save a credit card on file and with a single click you give away your real life (parents) money for gold. Machine Zone, the maker of the game, becomes rich and hires famous people like Kate Upton to attract more players and to become richer. These people are smarter than you.

None of what I’ve wrote so far should wow you.

 

Kate Upton ♥ Freemium

These video games are bad for society.  They suck the life, money, and time from the youth.  When I was young you’d buy a console and you could play for hours with no repercussions.

This one's for you Sam.

This one’s for you Sam.

I was a gamer through high school and some of college until one day, around 20, I said enough.  The skills you get from video games are not applicable to real life.  I can’t remember the last time I was stuck in an isolated room with 2 entrances and surrounded by enemies where my only move was a shotty charge.

south-park-freemiumMy concern is that nothing comes from these types of games aside from a drain to the individual and a boost to a company to design more games like it.  There’s a reason South Park went out of their way to dedicate an entire episode to it.

I don’t think there’s anything to do except hope that the people playing these games stop giving their money away.  Once that happens, these games won’t exist.  This post is also not a shot against video games, they are fine in moderation but these games have a negative impact and should be evaluated as such.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Gambling

The football season was a let down for me when I consider fantasy, gambling, and Fanduel.

My $350 investment in fantasy (4 leagues) has a chance to win $1,400 if I win both championships I’m in.  Most likely I’ll go 1/2 and net about $350. I’m still kicking myself because in a $150 dollar league I made a bad start that cost me and my team would have won this past week. In the two leagues I’m in the championship, I’ve ripped off 13 straight wins. The good.

horschel-billyMy gambling on the games can be viewed near 0 sum because I was playing with Billy Horschel money but the reality is I lost ~250.  I tapped out 2 weeks ago so I had roughly 13 weeks of action.  The bad.

I’m down $600 dollars in Fanduel over the course of the season which is quite disheartening because I pay way more attention to football than the majority of people. When viewed over the course of 3 months at about 50 bucks a week, I can’t find better entertainment on a Sunday. The ugly.

To give something in the post that people may find more interesting, here is my work in Photoshop.

A Special Guest

TC is Forrest Gump

 

A Nuclear War
sara-jean-apocolypse

Bat Baby – This one looks the simplest but the original picture had his wing clipped (you can actually still see the discoloration). Learning how to edit the picture to put the wing back takes some practice.
batbaby1

Living in the 90’s Like a Bad Ass

You don't know the 90's if you've never seen this station wagon.

You don’t know the 90’s if you’ve never seen this station wagon.

The 90’s were a simpler time.  Internet access only existed in Al Gore’s basement, social media was over a decade away, and kids were still going outside.  Here are childhood memories that I want to make sure I remember when I’m 75 years old and look back at this post and shake my head up and down like old people do when they remember the “better days”.

Writing in Cursive
Reasons not to use cursive:

  • It has the word curse in it
  • Harder to read
  • Longer to write
  • Pain in the ass

Cursive Handwriting

Pencil Sharpener
Do kid’s still know what this is? Back in the day your #2 Ticonderoga would get dull and need to be sharpened. Sticking a tiny pencil into the hole was always awesome to see how small the pencil could get and still be able to be used. Answer, very small.
Pencil Sharpener

Sierra Video Games
Leisure Suit Larry 6You buy Leisure Suit Larry 6 and it would ship with 14 1.44mb discs to install. The anticipation builds!

Sierra made 3 series that come to mind that I spent countless hours playing – Kings Quest, Police Quest, and Leisure Suit Larry. I can sum up the games quickly: you pick up items and try to use them on any and everything until they work. Plus Larry almost saw BOOBS!

The game below is Kings Quest 6 and my memories of watching Bill struggle through the game opens up after I watch it.

Number Munchers
Prime Numbers! FUCK!!!!!

I don’t even remember the level below.  This was the pinnacle of using a MAC.

Definitely never got this far and I still wouldn't beat this today.

Definitely never got this far and I still wouldn’t beat this today.

 

AOL & You’ve got mail
This dial up followed by the You Got Mail was done thousands of times. AOL would send out free hours and as a kid I totally didn’t understand what free meant. I would peruse the chat rooms looking to cyber by typing ASL to anyone who would respond. Then get on GIF mailing lists where they’d send pictures in large quantites to huge mailing lists. Also raising hell with HellRazer was awesome with punters and chat spams.  The glory days.

swing-setSwings
Swings may still be universal but I haven’t been to a playground in a decade. When I was a kid the swings were constantly being used. I’d jet once recess was called to make sure I would get one. The obvious activity to do on a swing was to jump off. Get as much speed as possible and vault off at the last second. Dangerous by today’s standard and why I have a feeling swings are not viewed as a recreation activity. Many bumps and bruises.

Top 21 Spotify Artists of 2014

Just before I banged her.

Just before I banged her.

Rolling Stone asked me to follow around the band Stillwater for a piece in the upcoming issue. Lester Bangs has been giving me some confusing advice while I’m trying to understand my job. Aside from Penny overdosing on Quaaludes and our plane almost crashing, it’s been pretty a fun time.

That story was going to suck so I decided to publish my own article on which artists have the most followers on Spotify. Last year’s Spotify post was well received so why not repeat what works.

 

Top 21 Spotify Artists of 2014

21. Taylor Swift – 48.5 million Twitter followers- Making headlines by pulling her music from Spotify, my list needed to be expanded one spot for the long legged damsel in distress.  Her album 1989, selling in conjunction with smashes Blank Space and Shake It Off, certainly helped her rise from a year ago. She’s red hot right now and I wouldn’t be surprised to see her in the top 10 next year if she reverses her decision.

taylorswiftspotify

 

20. Justin Bieber – 57.9 million Twitter followers – The Biebs is going to be a polarizing character. Even with his negative press he managed to add about 400,000 followers from last year.   His album Journals was released about a year ago and  his music is becoming secondary when compared to his relationship status and interactions with Floyd Mayweather and the money team.  Why focus on music when you can make a living being a bad boy?
justinbieberspotify

 

19. Beyonce – 13.7 million Twitter followers – Sasha Fierce didn’t make the list last year and her appeal is every woman on the planet.  Jay Z has a mere 1.3 million Spotify followers so it’s clear who wears the pants in this marriage. Drunk in Love has over 100 million listens but that’s relatively small when compared to the bigs on this list. Her new album Beyonce was a major reason for her jump.
beyoncespotify

 

18. Adele – 21.4 million Twitter followers – By far the biggest surprise on the list. Adele hasn’t released new music since 2011 and still increased her following by over 300,000. Ryan Tedder (One Republic’s frontman) is working on her new album which may be released this year. He says it’s going to be insane and there will be millions of people waiting.
adelespotify

 

17. Calvin Harris 5.1 million Twitter followers – New to the list but with the summer smash Summer and consistent hits, Calvin is hot in the EDM world. His collaborations with Ellie Goulding have been wildly successful. From not making this list last year to #17 this year, expect the rise to continue.
calvinharrisspotify

 

16. Fun. – 685k Twitter followers – No new music in 2014 but that should give a good explanation of how strong Some Nights was. The band has been working on new material but nothing in the way of an album yet. It should also be noted that Jack Antenoff released an album with Bleachers which was well received.
funspotify

 

My Ana...garden snake don't want none.

My Ana…garden snake don’t want none.

15. Nicki Minaj – 18.5 million Twitter followers- Adding about 600k Spotify followers is nothing to sneeze at. Nicki had a busy year releasing a new record (the Pinkprint), making bootylicious videos, and even appearing on SNL. With easily the most jaw dropping body in the industry, Nicki is a combination of song and showmanship which is impossible to ignore.
nickiminajspotify

 

14. Bruno Mars – 19.4 million Twitter followers – The definition of a cool, ladies man. Bruno was well received following the Super Bowl performance and continued to grow even without producing many songs. Mark Ronson’s (w/ Bruno) new jam Uptown Funk will hit the airwaves nationwide (if it hasn’t already) and he’ll once again be climbing the charts. He is on of the top artists under 30 and receives little negative press.
brunomarsspotify

 

13. One Direction – A new album Four helps propel the boy band to almost a million new Spotify followers. It’s common knowledge that you name your 4th album 4 (Led Zeppelin, Huey Lewis, Beyonce) if you want it to be big. Whether One Direction had this is mind is unknown but a million new female followers is marketing power. The band’s logo over last year shows a band growing up.
onedirectionspotify

 

12. Ed Sheeran – 11.4 million Twitter followers – A HUGE album drop in 2014 with Don’t. 4 songs on the album have over 100 million listens which is incredible. He’s worked with Taylor Swift and One Direction before so it’s nice to see him going out on his own. Pretty impressive year for Red Sheeran at only 23.
edsheeranspotify

 

11. Drake – 18.7 million Twitter followers – Drake seemed a bit out of the 2014 action but still managed to add 700k followers. I’m sure he’s being asked to collaborate on many projects and a solid 2015 is almost guaranteed even though his new album has not begun being worked on.

drakespotify

 

10. Lana Del Rey – 4.8 million Twitter followers – Inexplicable following. This number must be a huge global number because the popularity doesn’t feel that way in the States. Rumors surrounded her and James Franco, which we’re denied by him, but he’d still have sex with her. Her new album Ultraviolence was released this year.
lanadelrayspotify

 

9. Skrillex – 3.92 million Twitter followers – As noted with Calvin Harris, this music sector is the fasting growing, most popular segment on Spotify. Skrillex is on of the top draws and not surprising added 500k followers with much anticipation for his album Recess.  He did fall to #9 on the list from #5 so his publicist is probably not pleased.
skrillexspotify

 

8. Katy Perry – 61.5 million Twitter followers – Adding around 900k followers and maintaining the #8 spot on the list. Dark Horse was one of the most played jams of the year with over 200 million plays. Prism didn’t even come out in 2014 and didn’t have as many hits as previous albums. It’s not her music that is driving her, it’s the total package. Looks, concerts, philanthropy, MASSIVE twitter following, and now dating Diplo. She gets it done.
katyperryspotify

 

7. Eminem – 18.9 million Twitter followers – A 1.2 million add to his Spotify totals is substantial. Big numbers from Eminem who is seemingly ageless. Any time Eminem speaks, people listen.
eminemspotify

 

avicii-sick6. Avicii – 1.5 million Twitter followers – Also adding around 1.2 million followers, Avicii is coming in strong even with health rumors flying all over the place. Nobody can deny Wake Me Up and Hey Brother as some of the biggest songs of the year. With the Days / Nights coming out recently, he is still making music that everyone is listening to.
aviciispotify

 

5. Flo Rida – 5.58 million Twitter followers – Please fall off this list. The king of the hook and making bad music that everyone keeps singing. This is a strategy to sell records but his staying power will fade. There were basically 0 followers added this year.
floridaspotify

 

4. Coldplay – 13.6 million Twitter followers – Adding over a million followers, Coldplay isn’t going anywhere soon. Magic and A Sky Full of Stars show their ability to adapt and evolve with the current music trends. Well done Chris Martin. Good luck with Jennifer Lawrence.
coldplayspotify

 

3. Maroon 5 – 9.3 million Twitter followers – A new album “V” hit the charts this year and a few hits, Maps and Animals, were produced. Adam Levine on the Voice is boosting the band’s popularity as another 800k followers were added. Maroon 5 is very poppy and appeals to a huge audience. Trending upward.
maroon5spotify

 

2. Rihanna – 38.4 million Twitter followers – A staple of music and that’s what was seen in 2014 – doing nothing keeping everything together. No new music was released and almost 700,000 followers were added. This is because anyone who downloads Spotify knows to follow Rihanna. Although not much was produced, her brand is so strong she’ll be firing on all cylinder whenever she chooses.
rihannaspotify

 

1. David Guetta – 16.1 million Twitter followers- The powerhouse of Spotify and it’s not even close. 1.1 million followers added and an 18 track album that keeps everyone happy. He works with the biggest names and his formula is the most popular in the world. He has huge global appeal and he won’t be leaving the Spotify list anytime soon.
davidguettaspotify

Off The List?
Usher, Kanye, Pitbull, Gotye, and Mumford and Sons were removed from the top 20

Too Lazy to Change Their Logo?

Fun, Adele, Rihanna, Drake, Katy Perry, Flo Rida, and Justin Bieber

How Hot is Milana Vayntrub?

milana-vayntrubWhen I first saw these commercials I initially was thinking that this girl is a kind of cute, nerdish girl, who’s moderately funny.  As I’ve seen 4 or 5 of them, I’m fairly certain she’s a 10, a fucking 10.  With 30,000 Facebook likes and 65k Twitter followers, she’s a breakout star.

I’m not even sure who Lily Adams is but that’s her name on the commercials.   From that screen shot, she’s underwhelming. I don’t even think the commercials are that good.

Someone’s caption on a below pic was, “I’d ear her shit”. That should give you an idea of how other’s in society feel about her.

at&tgirl

milena-pics-0

MEA5V87

And she may be single…

The Second Place Trophy

I’m not into writing this post right now. Mainly because I feel like a turd and my brain is working at half speed. What I’m going to write about is being good but not being the best.

  • On Wednesday of last week our basketball game lost in the “championship” game. I use that in quotes because there were only 4 teams in the league. Either way we lost.
  • On Saturday our football team lost in the championship. It was a close game but we were once again defeated.
  • This Sunday I made it to the championship game in two fantasy football leagues and I’ll have two more chances to take a crown.

As much as I like to think I’m above average at activities it’s all I’ll ever be. There are people who are bigger, faster, and smarter and that’s just they way it is.

This post seriously sucked. Like major suckage. Here are a few of my latest photoshop creations for a saving grace.

batbaby

skybball

yogapose

The Beauty of Fantasy Football

Kerwynn WilliamsKerwynn Williams. Tre Mason. The Ram’s D. All were in play on a boring Thursday night. Unless you had money on last night’s game, there would be no reason to watch it if it weren’t for fantasy football. Fantasy injects life into boring games and it was still boring. You may ask why I had to play Kerwynn? Fat Eddie is down, Shoelace was my other RB, I had to pick up CJ2K, and couldn’t afford to miss on Kerwynn if Fat Eddie doesn’t go. Recipe for Kerwynn.

Adam and I headed to the Xfinity center to pick up some tickets for the Radio 104.5 Winter Jam because they were giving them out. We arrived at the start of the football game and the drawing began at 9:30. In the meantime there were bands playing and it’s hard to say how much time they deserved. This is what it looked like.

If you wouldn’t be a good cover band, there’s no chance your original material is going to be well received. It’s a pretty standard thought that I think most upcoming bands misunderstand. Bands don’t want to be cover bands. The problem is though that unless your original material is lights out, no one knows what you are playing. The audience can’t get into your music. So if you wouldn’t do well covering already established, good, songs, you won’t do well with original material.

We filled out the slips and waited. Adam’s named was called at 10:30 and he received a pair of tickets. There were about 300 people who entered and we had no idea if I was going to get called or not so we left. As soon as I arrived home, my phone went off and said I got the tickets. I drove back and by the time I got there, they had packed up and given out the tickets. Oh well.

TC HaircutYesterday was also a big day because I got a hair cut. Bud, can you guess what barber made me look like this?

Workaholics Trailer is Tight Butthole

Workaholics Trailer

Workaholics TrailerThe new, uncensored Workaholics Trailer (there are boobs and blood) for the upcoming season premiering January 14th has been released.  Workaholics is the best show on Comedy Central and it’s quite apparent that the crew has been given enough money to do whatever they want.

These guys are great.  I love how they made a trailer that has nothing to do with the season.  It’s basically saying, we know you know what we do so we are going to have fun doing it.  A few observations.

  • A little manscaping wouldn't hurt.

    A little manscaping wouldn’t hurt.

    Did you see Montez’ pubic hair in the trailer?

  • The special effects on the Karl shooting is a bit off.
  • Anyone think Alice is hot?  I actually don’t but I know people do.
  • Workaholics Vo

    Volvo sales have Tripled.

    Wayman is a must for every show.

  • I missed the VO the first time I watched it.

 

What people overlook is the cleverness of the dialogue in this show.  It’s more than gross out humor which it has tons of.  What Blake, Ders, and Adam find funny is a smarter version of what you and your friends find funny.

The song by Vanessa Carlton is in the background intro is money and this clip defines their personalities if you’ve never seen the show.