You Don’t Care

The older I get the more I recognize that you don’t care.  Understand that you isn’t actually you.  When I use “you”, i’m referring to the audience.  When you read “you”, you think of yourself you selfish bastard.  Herein lies the discovery.

Obligatory cat picture.

Obligatory cat picture.

I was at a few meetings over the weekend that involved a group of about 50.  I was in a private conversation with a member of a panel who was presenting in front of the entire group.  He said to me, “there are times when I’m speaking when I ask myself am I interesting enough or am I talking too much?  When I try to answer that question, I realize that the only one asking those questions are myself, no one else really cares what I think.”  Now this person is well respected and although what he says is not entirely true, it did register within me how this world is all YOU driven.


Now this point is taken from my world.  If I were Mark Cuban, I wouldn’t be making this post because people DO care about what he has to say.  He has influence.  For 99.9% of us though, most people we talk to have little to no interest in our life.   This should not come as a shock.   Most people care mostly about themselves.  You see life through your eyes, the person next to you sees it their way.  My actions should be molded to fit this idea.  I start acting to work with your best interests in mind.  Relationships become a two way street.  I know this isn’t a new idea but people don’t understand this.  They go through life with a me attitude.  Me attitudes fail.  Cooperation will prevail.


Kevin “The Black Hole” McHale

Kevin McHale Drives to the Basket

Kevin McHale was a bad dude.

McHale, who spent his first four seasons as a great sixth man, was nicknamed the Black Hole by Bird and Ainge for his reluctance to pass the ball, even out of double teams.  


Welcome to the NBA

Kevin McHale was second fiddle to Larry Bird for most of career and that just isn’t fair.  Although known as one of the best power forwards ever, he will always be in the Legend’s shadow.  Not for this post.

This is Game 6 of the 1980 NBA Eastern Conference finals with the Sixers up 3-2 on their home court. McHale was a rookie.

Not a bad start to a career. The Celtics disposed of the Sixers despite being down 3-1 and then went on to win the championship against the Rockets in the finals.

In ’82-83, his 3rd year, Kevin McHale signed a contract for a million dollars a year making him the 4th highest paid athlete at the time. This lead to McHales next defining moment of his career.

This foul was done in game 4 of the finals with the series at 2-1 in favor of the Lakers. It signified Boston’s physical play and they came back to win this game and then the series which was the franchise’s fifteenth championship.

The real Big 3

The real Big 3

Kevin McHale stories don’t stop there. On March 3rd, 1985 he drops 56 against the Pistons. This was the Celtics all-time record at the time. 4 days later, Larry Bird went for 60. I wonder if there was a competitive nature to that team? The 1985-86 Celtics teams is considered one of the greatest of all time and won the championship that year.

McHale had one of the best statistical seasons of all time the following year scoring 26 points a game, 9.9 rebounds, shot 60% from the floor, and 83% from the foul line (only time ever in NBA history). “When I was healthy, I always felt I could score,” McHale once told reporters. “When it went into what I called ‘The torture chamber,’ I knew it was in.

Kevin-McHale-Michael-JordanHis latter career, although incredible for most, was not nearly as impressive as when he was in his prime. He was hampered with injuries (along with Larry Bird) and made the playoffs year after year but wasn’t what he once was.  In one of the most forgotten aspects of his career, McHale made the all-defense first or second team six times.  He is now the head coach of the Houston Rockets.


The Kevin McHale Story

Kevin McHale and Larry BirdHere’s a story told by Larry Bird to Bill Simmons about Kevin McHale

Bird: Kevin McHale, one time, did one of the dirtiest things anybody can do to an opposing player. He told his buddy, a college friend, a teammate (at one point) at the end of the game in Golden State we were up pretty big — and we were just getting ready to go out of the game — and Kevin told him when he came in, he said, “When you get the ball in the low post, you just turn and shoot it over me, and I’ll just act like I’m defending you.” Sure enough, they threw it in there, he turned and Kevin batted the shot about six rows up into the stands. And I mean I felt so bad for the guy, and the guy was pissed. And I went over to (Celtics coach) K.C. Jones and I said, “Get me out of here. This kid’s out of control, this kid’s out of control.” It was the worst thing I’d ever seen on the basketball court, but that’s why I remember it to this day. You don’t do that to your friend (laughs).”

Chris Engler was the victim of this:

Engler: “The first time I got into a game against the Celtics, they were up by 20 points in the fourth quarter. Kevin and I were coming upcourt, and he whispered to me: ‘When you get the ball, just move in close and shoot a jumper. I won’t even block it. I want to make you look good.”

“I thought it was nice of him. So the first time I got the ball, I took my time and went up for my shot. Next thing I knew, Kevin was slapping the ball off my forehead.”

“He smiled and said, ‘Sorry, I lied.’ ”


McHale’s Torture Chamber

Head Spinning

Of course the best blog in the world has nothing more than text as its first impression.

Of course the best blog in the world has nothing more than text as its first impression.

Gourlay’s blog returns and my life is once again complete.

Not so much actually.  My life has been a whirlwind of activity that I can’t even keep hold of.  I have so many activities planned that I’m in need of a planner.  At no other time in my life have I felt the need of a daily planner but I think I’ve reached full adult.

picard_ashamedIn complete display of being an idiot, I double booked a weekend with two trips.  6 months ago I committed to an annual team relay from Gettysburg to DC (last year’s write up).   Without realizing it, I also told Adam and Evan that I’d go to Punta Cana on the same weekend.  The latter trip was booked on Friday and I felt sick to my stomach on Monday once I realized what I did.  What to do…

air-fees-color-webI knew I could back out of the AOR but it would have been the wrong choice as a responsible human being.  I ended up calling Expedia and getting a full refund on the hotel no problem but I had to incur $300 of fees to get vouchers to American Airline.  They wanted to charge $600 but it was a “courtesy” for me being an idiot.  How airlines make money 101.

I wish it ended there.  I have a bowling league on Wednesday and a basketball league on Thursday.  This Wednesday there is an AOR meeting which I have to choose between and then I have a trip to Baltimore for work related business that will have me missing basketball.

Not to mention that the new Stortz website launched today and it is accompanied with ordering issues and failing re-directs all over the place.   I’m thinking of walking in the Duplicator:

Calvin and Hobbes Duplicator

I’m sort of a fly by night kind of guy where I make plans and then just make it happen. Lately though this isn’t possible because I’m learning that different locations make regular events problematic. Without a doubt I’ve been traveling more lately and it does involve some lifestyle alterations. All is good though now that Goodies is back. Whew!

Evan Gattis Welcomes Me to Fantasy Baseball

I joined a fantasy baseball league having minimal fantasy baseball knowledge.  I used my resources and had Brookes and Bud draft my team for me because I would have done an awful job.  At the end of the day I had a team put together for week 1 which completed on Sunday.  I lost 206 – 188 but had one stinging position from the man below.


My catcher went 0-20 with 12 strike outs and 1 walk for a total of -11 points. To think that a person who didn’t swing at any pitch would have been better than Evan is painful. His pitiful performance aside, it only took a week to get a better understanding of what type of a team will win.

  • Relief pitchers who don’t get saves are shit.  Brookes is a big Ken Giles fan but 2.5 points once in a while isn’t going to cut it.
  • Hitters who don’t hit home runs are shit.  6 pts per dinger.  If I guy goes 2-20 and his two homers count for 12 whereas another guy goes 12-20 on all singles, they are scoring the same total.  Hypothetical obviously but it demonstrates the power of the HR.
  • Gotta Stream.  Evan told me a story of how someone in his league was pissed he was streaming pitchers.  LOL.  I’m hardly a good owner but I should have been hawking Sunday starters on Wednesday.  To lose a game by 18 and knowing I wasn’t even prepared with a stream is noob city.
  • A starting pitcher who is also a reliever!  Jackpot!
  • I find myself looking to pick up players who I’ve heard of and this usually leads to aging athletes.  I picked up A-Rod (against Brookes request but power is key) and Ubaldo Jimenez who I know was good in 2010 and that was about it.  It’s difficult for me to pick up rookies or young players because I’ve never heard of them and have no idea their potential.

Major League 2Does fantasy baseball make me like watching baseball more?  No, it doesn’t.  However, I like being competitive and this is another means of testing wits.  With past fantasy football success, I think I’ll be able to overcome the struggles of having no idea what I’m doing to climbing the ranks.  I feel like the Cleveland Indians in Major League.

Tom Stortz Doppelganger

When I first looked at this picture my first thought was I don’t remember this. Was I black out drunk working out?

Tom Stortz Doppelganger

On closer inspection it’s just a bro who looks exactly like me. After just watching Primer and talking about time travel, I’m pretty sure this is just a copy of me who went off into another location. It’s good to know the other Tom Stortz maintains his fitness.

Not Quite

Not Quite


Primer Thoughts from the Present

PrimerBrookes lent me the movie Primer. If you’ve never seen it, which I’m sure you haven’t, it’s an 87 minute flick created on a $7,000 budget that uses time travel as its main theme. As always, other people have wrote much more profound thoughts on this subject than I can, most notably Chuck Klosterman in section 3 of the PDF. Even still, without going into details of the movie, the ability to travel in time is by far the most complex thought process to wrap your mind about and this hold true after watching Primer.

As Primer demonstrates, once you have a machine that can go back in time, you can keep going further back in time. This starts to spiral out of control because you keep going back in time and your copies are still…???? I hold no belief that time travel is possible but as I’ve learned from thousands of years of history, nothing is impossible. People think nuclear war would end humanity, I’d put my money on time traveling.

Calvin and Hobbes Time Travel

time travel clockIn the Klosterman PDF (an excerpt from Eating the Dinosaur) he poses the question what would you tell your past self if you only had 15 seconds on the phone with him or her. Read the passage if you want to know more about the context of this question but I’ll answer it after giving it some thought. My unrealistic, idealistic present self would tell my past self never to touch a drop of alcohol. However, if I know me, my past self would start laughing and say “some nerd just told me never to drink alcohol.” With more thought on the actuality of the situation, knowing past self would only hear a voice claiming to be me (which I’d have to waste precious time saying), I’d tell myself to not play so many video games. Learn a language, play outdoors, go on dates, do SOMETHING. I didn’t learn this until 24. If I could combine the two tidbits, I think I would be where I’m at now at 27 instead of 31.

Sam’s Shampoo

This is a picture of the shampoo and conditioner package that you can buy from Sam’s club.
Suave Shampoo from Sam's


It looks like they are talking to each other:

S: I can’t wait to get this package off to finally get away from you.

C: Fuck you.  He’s going to use more of you and we’ll see who gets the last laugh.

These bottles are huge and last over a year. You would think that they’d run out at the same time but you’d be wrong. I still have about a half bottle of conditioner since the shampoo ran out. Jordan says he bought this package as well and it would last him forever if only he used it but his girlfriend must pour mountains of it on her hand.

The shampoo is one of the good products you can buy from Sam’s because it doesn’t go bad. Other quality items are TP, paper towels, and cups. Anything that lasts forever is good.

Smores Suck

Smores Suck

Food from Sam’s is usually bad. It seems great to buy an enormous amount at a low price but it’s difficult to eat a huge helping of one item by yourself. It’s easy to get tired of it and then it just goes bad. The bread is $4 bucks for 2 loaves and I make 2 sandwiches in 2 weeks.  I’ve bought the granola pack before and can’t stand the smore’s or the low fat chocolate chunk which is sometimes a substitute.  Sell me 48 chocolate chip.

Newest Blog Ideas is trying to evolve.  Not like a Pichu to Raichu evolution but a bit more subtle like Squirtle to Wartortle.  It’s apparent that my current site isn’t destined for greatness and that’s ok.  I’m sure you’re saying, “I’ve heard this before” and you’re right, I’ve gone in different directions over the years (who remembers and the comments from this memorable post).  If you weren’t aware though, THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM.

Fortunately though, as long as you keep coming to, you’ll be aware of my future projects.

2nd Tier Human Profile

Charles Barkley said he was the toughest player he's ever played against.

Charles Barkley said he was the toughest player he’s ever played against.

This site is what I expect to create in the near term future.  To put it as simply as possible, the site will have entries that highlight a 2nd tier human being.  Kevin McHale from the Boston Celtics comes to mind as a great choice.  Everyone knows Bill Russell and Larry Bird but forgets about Kevin McHale (the glee actor comes up first in image searches…).  He’s an unbelievable basketball player that is a 1st tier person but maybe doesn’t get the respect from a universal appeal.  Dr Dre also comes to mind.  I could have a lot of fun with this.

Product Review

thumbsupdownThis idea struck me one night when I thought I had valid opinions on products and using them on a higher level than your average human being.  I find myself in a spot that is always far less than the best but far better than the average.  This puts me in a spot where I’m not spending PRO money on equipment but I need better than average gear.  Take running shoes for instance, I’ll spend $100 bucks on a pair of shoes as long as I know what I’m buying.  However, how many “runners” out there are running 6 minute pace and giving a true review of the shoe?  Each entry would be a post about a particular item and my specific thoughts on it and then at the end of the post I’d have a link selling it that I’d profit off of.  I’d like to review music as well.

The Challenge / Betting Blog

uncle-rico-pictureI still love the idea of a forum atmosphere where people challenge others to do ridiculous acts and other people bet on them.  I would need a crew of people who would take this seriously which I haven’t been able to make happen but I’m still pretty sure it has merit.  The potential to snowball is the heart of this idea.