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About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

A Breakfast Switch

I’ve been splicing the Museum Deli into my Dunkin Donut’s morning breakfast routine and I’ve been quite pleased. Museum Deli is owned by an Asian family who keep a neat store but don’t do a great job with advertising. The Dunkin I go to routinely has between 2-15 people in line and is that way from 7am to 9am. The Museum Deli routinely has between 0-1 people waiting in line from 6am to 6pm. This is good for now unless it becomes too popular.

At Dunkin I always get a medium coffee with cream and sugar, and a bagel with cream cheese. The total is $4.23 which is a bit of a rip off but the process of ordering and getting my items is less than 3 minutes makes it worth it to me. It’s 2 minutes from my house which is the real reason why I go there often. Jay never toasts the bagel properly as he throws it towards the back of the machine so it doesn’t get full heat. His spread of the cream cheese is embarrassing as well. I’ve complained about this before but there is no real change being made. Because of these details, I decided to swap to Museum for at least 2 days a week.

Museum Deli costs exactly $5.00. I get the sausage, egg and cheese and the apple juice Nantucket Nectar. I prefer the Half and Half but the apple is still good. I like this because it keeps me away from drinking coffee every day. The sausage egg and cheese is a way better sandwich and the guy who makes it always repeats, “salt, pepper, ketchup” like it’s the only English words he knows. I refused the first day but now I get it just so I don’t disappoint him.

All in all this has been a positive life change. Even though it is a bit slower even with Dunkin having a line, I’m helping out a small business and I enjoy the meal more. Thank you Museum Deli.

By | 2017-04-20T13:45:27+00:00 April 20th, 2017|My Life|3 Comments

Taking the Easy Way Out

Everyone who games at casinos knows that if you put a few bucks in a video poker machine at a bar and play for a few minutes, you can get free drinks. However in Vegas, this is coming to an end. There’s a new red/green light system that lights up when you are deserving of a free drink. This new system defeats “the Vegas Hustle” where you put a $20 in a machine and sit there while you drink for free. The new system “green light” lights up if you max bet 4 times in a row which you’d know is reasonable for a free drink. The only people who should be whining about this are cheapskates who shouldn’t be gambling, or drinking, anyway.

I bring this up because the easy way out is never the best way out. The news has brought us the apparent suicide of the Facebook murderer who live streamed and Aaron Hernandez who hung himself in his cell. There are a few points of interest that I found about both stories.

The FBI received 400 tips about the whereabouts of Steve Stephens. 400! I saw a dude who I thought looked like this guy but I wasn’t going to call it in and get an innocent man arrested. How on Earth are people so sure that it’s him when they call in a tip? I imagine that the calls mostly go like, “I’m here at McDonalds and there is a man who looks like the Facebook killer, you should probably check it out.” This is probably a waste of an officer’s time but they caught the guy so it must work. With regard to the Facebook stream and Facebook saying, “we are working on these issues”, it is disturbing that sick individuals are using this medium to share these horrific acts. It has me watching my back 24/7 when I’m out in public.

Next we’ll travel to Aaron Hernandez who was acquitted of a double murder but was still serving a life sentence for the death of Odin Lloyd. He hung himself with a bed sheet in his cell. I don’t know about you but I don’t think I would succeed in hanging myself with a bed sheet. I could see an hour passing by and me being like, “is it working?” This is obviously a morbid thought but it seems challenging. With Aaron perished, I’m of the mindset that there is one less gang banger off the street. From every bit of info I’ve read, he sounded like a true jerk who held himself above the law and wasn’t a nice person.

By | 2017-04-19T09:00:09+00:00 April 19th, 2017|My Brain|0 Comments

Let’s Applaud Jordan Hasay?

Sam would write a better post than me on this topic but since I’m pure like the Garden of Eden, and not tainted the Nike Oregon Project, I should be able to give a clean perspective.

Yesterday was the Boston Marathon and 2 members of the Nike Oregon Project put on dominating performances for Americans. Jordan Hasay finished her first marathon ever in 2:23 which was good for 3rd place. It was the fastest debut by an American female ever. The fastest time ever by a woman in a marathon is Paula Radcliffe with a 2:15.25. The fastest time by an American is 2:19.36 by Deena Kastor. The 2.23 flat time posted by Hasay is good for the 180th fastest marathon by a woman ever (I heard that Boston isn’t a legal course for whatever that is worth).

As I was watching the coverage yesterday, I was really impressed with Hasay. I remember watching her a bit in college for Oregon and she was top talent, but not finishing 3rd in Boston so whatever she’s been up to is either intense work or PED’s. Considering Rupp got 2nd and is partaking in the same training, they are up to shenanigans.

Why shenanigans? Once again, I’m not an expert on this subject but here’s what I’ve read. Nike’s Oregon Project is a group created by Nike to promote American Long Distance Running. They are using elite coaching, revolutionary training and the use of air thinning technology. The group of athletes on the squad is no joke. Centrowitz, Farah, and Rupp, are all Olympic medalists. Suguru Osako just got 3rd in Boston yesterday. It’s pretty clear that whatever these athletes are doing is working.

Now here is where the questions start building around head coach Alberto Salazar. “In June 2015, Salazar was named in a joint BBC Panorama and ProPublica investigation into doping allegations. This involved testimonies from various athletes and people associated with Salazar about alleged microdosing of testosterone and prednisone at the Nike Oregon Project. Salazar declined to be interviewed for the programme, but denied any wrongdoing, saying in a statement that the “allegations your sources are making are based upon false assumptions and half-truths in an attempt to further their personal agendas”

So when you see an American hottie like Jordan Hasay competing with women from countries like Kenya and Ethiopia, who are renowned for their past efforts, there is a bit of suspicion. It’s sad that we have to draw these conclusions when people of our country perform feats of this nature, but out of the ordinary circumstances cause out of the ordinary questions like, “how did this happen?”

I visited the Let’s Run Forums and found some great comments regarding her race:

On the course

How is Boston a major marathon? How many of the world’s best marathoners were in that race? Boston is a hobby jogger’s race with some overpaid Americans thrown in so the hobby jogger set don’t complain too much about all the Africans winning everything.

On the probability of doping

Probably about 7% (Rupp), and 2% (Hasay). Seems like NOP bends the rules all day long, but maybe doesn’t break them severely. Also, Nike has the money to dope and not get caught (e.g., Lance Armstrong)

On why people like Hasay and not Rupp

She is relatively outgoing and articulate and seems comfortable expressing her relationship to the outside world. Rupp is probably a bit introverted, maybe a bit on the autistic spectrum. He seems mostly comfortable expressing support for those closest to him, his family and Salazar. He doesn’t seem collegial with fellow competitors. One could just call that arrogant I suppose, but it could also just be an introverted personality. He isn’t easy to root for compared with Hasay, and certainly Meb or Abdi or Ritzenhein.

So there you have it. Jordan Hasay is probably legit and will hopefully represent USA without any implications. All that being said, why are the hot ones always the most talented? I think it’s great for the sport to have a role model like Hasay compete in these world class settings. Maybe she’s not the cream of the crop yet, but I enjoyed watching the race and was happy to support her. It’s hard not to like her style and running. Sam, anything to add?

By | 2017-04-18T10:27:37+00:00 April 18th, 2017|Running|1 Comment

Next Level Facebooking

This is a picture my dad posted today on Facebook. I added the grass and question mark for entertainment purposes.

The current picture has exactly 0 likes on Facebook. It’s pretty rare when you take a picture and receive 0 response. Total strike out. This goes hand in hand with my dad calling me this morning and asking me where his message went when it turned all blue. He told me, “I hit enter, nothing happened, and I hit enter again and it went blue.” It took me a bit to figure out what it went blue meant but it’s what happens in Facebook messenger when you send a message.

This picture was him uploading a photo to Facebook with no caption. Not to mention the picture is a bottle of soldering flux. What’s soldering flux you ask? It’s a bottle that no one on Facebook would ever care about. Talk about knowing your audience. I think he must be on to something posting content of objects that most people have no idea what they are.

By | 2017-04-17T15:12:01+00:00 April 17th, 2017|My Brain|1 Comment

Little Sunday Update

I’ve pretty much turned into a hermit who bowls and golfs. These are actually much more constructive exercises than getting shitfaced and blacking out so it’s not all bad but I do feel like I’m not doing a whole lot.

On Friday I woke up at 5:30am, picked up Jeff, met the Shee, and golfed at the Links in Marlton. It was a speed round and we were back to work by 11am. Worked like a charm. I played pretty well with loads of par putts but they certainly weren’t tap ins. I finished with a 91 and Shee and Jeff were battling with other numbers.

I worked out and went bowling after work where I rolled 7 or 8 games. I managed a 240+ and almost finished with a 200 avg aside from a few crappy games at the end. I went to sleep early because…

I woke up at 5:30am the next day and met up with 2 friends and played golf at Hickory Valley. I once again played well except for 2 8’s on par 5’s and not getting off the tee on 1. I finished with a 92 with the same issues of loads of putts for pars that weren’t converting.

I then met up with Sam and the Weens for some bowling at South and we rolled 7 games. Aside from one barn burner where the Weens ousted me 250 to 240, we had our ups and downs. I manged a 114 which had to be my lowest score in quite some time. Fun time.

This took me to my bed where I had to nap to recover from the Turkey shot. I got up at 7pm and was see sawing whether I was going to meet up with Sam and Jordan but it wasn’t to be. I went to sleep and that takes me to right now where I just finished a 7 mile run and am going to get some drinks. I may golf in the afternoon just because. Enjoy the Easter.

By | 2017-04-16T11:48:19+00:00 April 16th, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

You’ve Got A Lot Of Nerve

This is an easy post to write because I hate people. I suppose this comes from being brought up with all the opportunities and none of the struggles, but I’ve learned right from wrong. I am conscientious of other people. Other people are not conscientious of other people. It’s called the golden rule for a reason. Not the brass rule. Not the copper rule. The motherfucking Golden Rule“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”  I don’t know how much untoing I do but I know other people are not untoing me that often.  For that reason, I am out. Whoa had my Shark Tank pop up. For that reason, I hate people.

Double Flashers in One Lane – I was beside myself. Like, maybe beside myself, watching myself, being beside myself. Not sure what that means but when you are driving on a two lane road and you see two cars parked next to each other both with their flashers on, your jaw drops. I immediately got up behind them and honked. The truck on the right wasn’t moving. The car on the left was waiting for some little old lady who was coming out of an apartment buildling who was obviously as disturbed by the move as I was and told the driver to back up 5 feet and drive into the parking lot. This goes hand in hand when I saw some dipshit, who may have been an uber driver, stop in the middle of a one lane road and sit there for 2 minutes straight while literally 20 cars piled up behind her. Oblivious to the world.

Anthony Looking for Money – I’ve written about Anthony before and if you’ve been by Silk City on the weekend you may have seen him dancing in the street. In his spare time, he also holds the door at Dunkin Donuts and asks a select few customers for any “spare change”. I’ve given him money a few times before because i’m a nice person. The other day I parked by car and went to the Museum Deli which is 3 doors down from D&D. I tried to slyly move past Anthony who at the last second saw me walking in the deli and screamed out “hey”. This rubs me the wrong way. It’s one thing if I’m walking in the door that you’re holding. However you don’t go chasing me down for money. I’ve decided that I’m going to start asking him for money.

Getting Hit Crossing the Street – This is a tricky one. On one hand when I’m the driver, I can’t stand when people have their heads down looking at their phones with their ear plugs in and cross streets. They believe it’s on you to not hit them without their participation. This is incorrect. When you are walking, you need to be aware 100% of the time of your surroundings. Alas, people cross streets paying no mind of cars and deserve to get hit. You know who doesn’t deserve to get hit? Me when I’m going for a run. I almost got run-over by a woman in the projects who saw me crossing, decided to gun it anyway, and has me sprint across while she blared her horn at me. It’s called patience Miss and you should wait 1 second while I cross the street because that’s how fast I am and that’s how long it takes. Maybe even .8.

Fucking Get It! – These people should be exterminated but she must be on medication. Has she ever run a business before? You run out of material from time to time. It’s Subway. He’s telling you it’s not available. It’s no different than removing it from the menu. Can stores decide not to serve customers because this is one of those cases. How this goes on for so long I don’t know.

Go Make Out Outside! –  I don’t even know how to address people like this. Not punching her in the face is what is wrong with our country. She crosses so many lines that it amazes me she doesn’t relax when she obviously sees she’s being recorded.

By | 2017-04-13T12:20:55+00:00 April 13th, 2017|My Brain|1 Comment

All I Do Is Make Pages

I have a few skills but none is more valuable than creating pages in WordPress.

Before I started blogging I never equated what I was doing to a skill. It was fun. I spent an hour here or there and transferred my thoughts to a blogging platform. The page would get posted, read by a few people, then archived into the abyss to never be read again. Depressing in a sense when considering it from the post’s perspective. 1% go on to live meaningful lives, and the other 99% go on to perish without second thought. Yes, this does symbolize humanity.

Today I noticed what I was doing was using an A to Z formula for creating a blog post. Jeff and I set up some application and took photos of it step by step. I took the pictures and compiled them into 1 jpeg which had lapping text. I took the picture and created it’s own webpage on our website and linked to all of our product pages. We then take that picture and page and insert them into a Constant Contact post which will then be sent out to our thousands of person email list. Last week we had a 47% click through rate which was inconceivable. People actually read what we write.

How this translates to sales is another story as the conversion rate is what separates the men from the boys. Many people have built up audiences over the years one way or another but getting them to purchase is key. Our formula has continuously improved so that people can try to copy it but they might not know every little step. I’m not even an expert either but I kid you not, THIS IS SALES IN 2017. You can knock on doors. You call people 1 by 1. You can spam fax or blasts thousand of people. None of these means is as effective as building up a subscriber base, creating content they want to read, and knowing how to get them that info in a pleasing format.

We haven’t mastered the video end of the world but that’s a large leap and can get costly, quickly if you don’t know what you’re doing…which is most everyone.

Figured I’d write this post to knock down some material for the good ol’ blog and add another post to my belt.

By | 2017-04-12T17:16:58+00:00 April 12th, 2017|My Brain|0 Comments

Change & Hundos

The penny should be eliminated. The cost to produce the one-cent coin increased to 1.5 cents during 2016, the Wall Street Journal reported. So not only is the penny completely unnecessary, it loses money when produced.

I find all types of change to be utterly despicable. There is nothing I like less than emptying my pocket at the end of the day and spilling 15 coins out on my bureau that total $1.43 from daily transactions. If I’m lazy and don’t want to put my coins into my ever increasing change bag, they continue to pile up and make a mess. I can count on one hand the amount of times I purchase an item and reach into my pocket to produce the exact change without having to break a bill.

If we removed the penny and nickel, and had every item rounnd to the nearest 10th, the world would be fine. How many items cost 1¢? A tootsie roll? A night out with Mrs. Gourlay? The point is, not a lot. Change needs to change.

Approval Rating at 40%

This goes hand in hand with the hundred dollar bill. When someone gives me a hundred I know the first thing I’m doing is going to the ATM, depositing it, and withdrawing 20’s. People don’t always have change for 100’s. It’s an inconvenience to 95% of stores who do business in small bills. Unless you’re a casino or bank, the $100 has no place. People don’t use cash anymore for big purchases. You don’t buy a TV with a roll of 100’s or else you’re looked as a thief, gangster, or drug dealer. The only people who use 100’s are people who don’t pay taxes.

The problem with changing the money is that the cost to do so is generally more than it’s worth. How does the Gov’t stop circulation? “Send us all your pennies and we’ll issue you a check?” The paperwork alone would cost the American people billions of dollars. Unless you could set up US Gov’t coin counting machines around the US (also costly because you’d need 1000’s of these machines), it won’t be cost efficient. What a mess.

By | 2017-04-11T15:48:27+00:00 April 11th, 2017|My Brain|2 Comments

Becoming Ill

4 posts in 10 days is poor. I need to step it up.

A few weeks ago Sam was sick and skipped our bowling league on Monday. I was pretty sure that if he wanted to man up, he could have bowled. After this weekend, I understand.

When I woke up on Sunday morning I felt ok, but I had a tickle in the lower part of my throat that I couldn’t hock up. I also had the chills which sucked. I took some aspirin and went to our Sunday morning brunch and did fine getting through it. When I went home, it was like I was zapped with mana burn and my HP’s were depleting by poison. I tried to go to sleep but that didn’t work because I would close my eyes and nothing happened.

I drove to my Philadelphia home and ended up crushing the Vitamin C drink and taking some Nyquil and zoning in and out of the Masters. In bizarre fashion, after an hour after the Nyquil, I started feeling a little better. I tried to eat but had no appetite. I zonked myself out at 9pm and woke up at 2am only to zonk myself out again. I woke up today and feel surprisingly better. I have no idea what I caught but it was brief and should be completely exterminated tomorrow.

If someone told me I had to bowl yesterday, I’m not even sure I would have been able to make the ball roll down the entire alley. Fortunately I’ve recovered most strength and will hopefully continue to improve. It seems like a lot of people either are sick or getting sick. I usually never feel bad for these people because I rarely get sick, but being sick sucks.

By | 2017-04-10T11:20:56+00:00 April 10th, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

Sobriety Isn’t Funny

My apologies for not posting much. I was going to make a post about Ween’s 300, but it would have lead to some thoughts regarding pre-bowling which would have detracted from the accomplishment. Make no mistake though, I witnessed a 300 game by Jordan and that’s a feat that is nice to have under your belt.

In other news, I sent out a sober William Penn snap yesterday and Weens wrote, “boooo, sober William Penn Snaps suck.” That may not have been verbatim but close enough. Before I sent that snap, I even thought to myself that there is no way this snap is going to live up to expectations. Frankly, it fell below the limits of my own expectations, but I figured “what the hell” before I hit share.

What I created when I was black out drunk that one night cannot be topped. It’s pointless to even try. I sent out a few on Saturday but it wasn’t the same. Now with this sober snap, I’ve come to the conclusion that my entertainment value is only high when I’m hammer time. It sort of reminds me of the last time Chris Farley was on SNL he was sober and it was sort of a train wreck.

That snap actually feels the way of this post, not great. I try to have quality standards but if I adhered to them I’d never post.

 

 

By | 2017-04-07T13:46:25+00:00 April 7th, 2017|Off Topic|0 Comments