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About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

What Happened With Broad St?

This is a hard post to write, and I know most people have stopped checking this site, but I’ll move forward using it as a more personal approach to my life.

On about March 1st, I had ramped up my training for the Broad St. Run. 2 months later I had completed 3 miles on the track in 17 minutes without even prepping to do so. I was in good shape and felt ready for the 10 miler. I had trained at 7 and 8 mile runs as well as not to say that’s all I was prepped for.

2 Saturday’s ago I went golfing earlier in the morning, took a nap, and then went for a 40 minute run that I felt great on. Come Sunday, I woke up with my back hurting a bit. I didn’t think anything of it.

On Monday, my back was still hurting, so I took some Aleve and powered through a bowling league night. Not only was my performance not great, but on Tuesday I woke up not being able to walk properly. Every time I stood up there was a shooting pain in my back. I was essentially immobile until I had to bowl again on Thursday night. I Aleve’d my way through it to another pitiful performance that cost my team 1st place in the standings. I wouldn’t blame it on the back so much as I would on the Aleve. Either way, I took Friday off and tested myself on Saturday to see if I could run for Broad St. All things considered, I think I would have been able to do the race. Would it have been up to my expectations from where I was coming from? No.

Taking into consideration that this 10 miles would have physically taxed my body to an unknown state, I decided to forgoe running it for the sake of preservation. I could guess I would have ran 60 minutes. I’m not sure it matters if it was 58, 60, or 70. No one cares that much.

From my personal standpoin, I was disappointed. I had worked hard for a few months to get into shape, and an injury sprung up at the last minute to throw my world into a twirl. Not being able to run the Broad St. Bowling poorly to let a team down. Not being able to exercise since last Saturday. All of these culminate into not a fun existence.

I’m almost past this point of injury, but the mental aspect is a pain. Part of me knows that warriors battle through injury, and the other part of me asks why I think I’m a warrior.

By |2018-05-08T10:05:05-04:00May 8th, 2018|My Life|1 Comment

SplittingTens.com

Progress has been made on splittingtens.com and posting will commence once Sam starts producing. There will be many more improvements and updates, but the structure is there now. There will be a big learning curve on how we will post and getting people involved. In the end, the 2 audiences will join and harmony will take place.

By |2018-05-03T14:26:36-04:00May 3rd, 2018|Off Topic|1 Comment

Just My Luck

Evan and I went to the Sugarhouse bar to order some drinks. The bartender was horrible. She was slow and for some reason manning a huge portion of the bar. While we were waiting, a woman comes up and stands in between us. It was kind of odd.

I figured she definitely wanted the D so I said something dumb like, “what drink would you like?”

She said, “vodka something” and I asked her where she was from. She said Hawaii and I asked her a few questions about her job and it was going fine. I impressed her with my occupation and she put the drinks we purchased on her tab. She was like, “don’t girls buy you drinks often?”

I asked her another Hawaii question and she said she hadn’t been there since she was 10. I took that to mean it wasn’t a big part of her life and was like, “isn’t Hawaii all tourism nowadays?” She got offended and said, “that’s my home! I was starting to like you but now…” I recovered fine from that with the passing of time and said that I would return the favor with buying her a drink. More time passed and I said, “I couldn’t get you a drink because the bartender sucked”. She was like, “you’re not very good at this, you have to just let it be.” I didn’t know what that meant. I’m assuming I was going to get into her pants by letting it be, but I don’t know what that cryptic bullshit means. I decided to part ways and let it be by the poker table. Another opportunity lost.

By |2018-04-30T16:39:00-04:00April 30th, 2018|My Life|0 Comments

A Non Shitty Ranking of Black Mirror Episodes

Black Mirror is a worthwhile show. Probably not as good as people rave, but gripping and unique. Each episode is unto itself which is nice because you can jump right in at anytime. The best part of the show is the realistic approach to the future. Without a doubt, the tech they bring into the show is a glimpse into the future the same way the Jetson’s were. Seeing where we are going and the problems that most likely will arrive is what makes even shitty episodes ok.

I didn’t like every episode, and some I thought were awesome, so here is my ranking of the 19 episodes.

Black Mirror Episode Rankings (Worst to First)

19. Arkangel – Jodie Foster directed this dumpster fire. The granddad was the only likable character and he died half way through. The mom was a bitch. The girl was annoying. The point was asinine. Total chick episode that sucked.

18. Be Right Back – Best part was watching Hayley Atwell’s huge boobs being squeezed when she was getting ready to bang a robot. Complete snoozer because the idea of loving a robot and expecting him to be the same is stupid. Attic man should have jumped.

17. Crocodile – What a bad episode. The only neat idea was being able to get a visualization of memories and this episode shows why it would suck for that to happen. The murdering spree seems like a poor solution to an odd problem.

Black Mirror S1 EP5-6

16. Playtest – I liked the video game angle behind this, but it fell short. Not calling his mom seemed irrelevant. The girl story line had nothing to do with it. The episode seemed a smattering of ideas that failed. The chip delving into Cooper’s brain to formulate horrific memories was pretty cool.

15. Men Against Fire – When it seemed like the army was killing “roaches”, I wanted to know why they were roaches. Then you find out the army is using software to make them seem like “roaches”, and my brain rejected the idea. The camera for that first attack sequence gave me a seizure. The butch chick was whack and the ending was stupid. More could have been done, as such, I didn’t care for this episode.

14. The Waldo Moment – The relationship angle between Waldo and the girl had some traction and than it fell flat. Use this relationship rather than crushing it would have made it better. Showing how the people would rather vote for a cartoon who goes against typical politicians is a strike on society. I was entertained throughout, however, I didn’t care about the outcome.

13. San Junipero – When they played the song “Girlfriend in a Coma” by the Smiths, it dawned on me what was happening. I see some people rave that this was the best episode of the series and unless you like 2 time traveling lesbians, I’ll pass.

12. The National Anthem – Pig fucker. The situation is far out, but the hypothetical seems like this would be an earnest way for it to play out. Too off the wall in my opinion which made it not my favorite episode, but still had its merits.

11. Shut Up and Dance – Hard for me to diss an episode with Bronn in it, but how did the kid beat the guy at the end? Pretty much ruins it for me. Using the meme face is funny and I like how you go through the episode feeling bad for the kid only to nail him for kiddie porn at the end. Kind of long and drawn out. This was the kid from The End of the Fucking World which had also didn’t wow me.

10.White Bear – Same concept as the episode above. You go the episode feeling bad and then realize what was going on. The premise of the episode is neat, and so is the execution, but I didn’t buy the whole performance and why would you waste 30 days doing that to one person? The masks of the hunters were badass and I expected much more.

9. Nosedive – Holy shit, Alice Eve is hot in this. The whole social ranking system is a tremendous idea that made me feel satisfied that I care so little about it. Wonderfully done in this episode. Amazing really. I should probably rate this higher just for that. If you watch this episode and come away thinking you aren’t like this, good for you. Unfortunately, we are heading this direction. I loved the end when they were yelling at each other in the jail cell because the pent up honesty was shining through. I thought the conversation with the truck driver was great as well.

8. Hang the DJ – Another episode using a Smith’s song which gets bonus points in my book. The simulation was neat and the dating app being 99.8% correct was rewarding. I’m not sure I get exactly how the simulation occurs without them remembering what happened in previous relationships. My favorite part was when the guy looked at the timer and it had to start re-calibrating because he’s a distrustful douchebag. Without knowing what was going on, I liked that. Sort of floundered the ending in my mind.

7. Black Museum – Torn a bit on this episode. The Black Museum curator was tremendously played. I thought the 2 short medical stories leading up the climax were very well told. Especially the pain doctor. Not sure why I enjoyed that so much. The ending was blah to me. Seemed dumb because it’s like, “we’ll make this girl her daughter out of nowhere.” The water part was once again, dumb.

6. USS Callister – Same great concept of feeling bad for an asshole. I loved that fat Matt Damon (Jesse Plemons) got it coming to him at the end. This was one of the earlier episodes I watched and the acting was tremendous. The whole pizza scene at the end was bogus, but bitch don’t kill my vibe. Plemons acting out his fantasy in the ship was compelling. Psycho.

5. White Christmas – A cool episode. You could feel the episode building as Jon Hamm’s story kept progressing. I didn’t see the ending of his story coming. Then moving into the other guy’s, it was like the build just getting bigger. I thought the finale was awesome and liked the censorship towards the end. Great episode.

4. Hated in the Nation – I had this episode at 2 at one point and it kept sliding up and I’ll reveal why at the end. The villian teaching a lesson to society with the #deathto seems like a great idea to me. How he leads that hottie, Blue, through some traps led me to think she was in on it. Then the Asian police officer couldn’t do any part of his job right. The bees were a little much, but I like the idea of underestimating technology. Kind of a feeling that society has it coming to it by being dumb asses.

3. The Entire History of You – Liam was the best alcoholic I’ve seen acted. He had me cracking up time and time again. “I didn’t say you were a bitch, I said you were being a bitch.” Plus what kind of a name is Fee? She was slamming though. “What kind of a name is Jonas? What a knob.” He was awesome. And right. This made me feel like it would be reality if we could rewind, and view, our entire lives which is what I’m always looking for.

2. Fifteen Million Merits – Perfect depiction of where our society is heading. Loved, loved, loved this episode. Bing’s glass to throat speech was as good as it gets. The acting was first rate. If this guy didn’t win an award, he should. I don’t think they tied the singing girl’s role in enough. I get it, but it disappeared.  Plus they could have used the other jealous girl and the hilarious asshole more. Other than that, this concept could have been a series itself. Loved it.

 

1. Metalhead – I’m not even sure why I liked this episode so much because I didn’t even know what was going on. It had to be how bad ass those dogs were. It felt like Resident Evil avoiding the dogs through the window. The throwing stones at the dog to waste the energy (where did the stones comes from?) was brilliant. Then again with the paint idea. Then again with giving up once she got a tracker in her jugular. Loved the black and white and the darkened state they were in looking for a goddamn teddy bear. This to me felt like an apocalyptic reality where humans created machines that they couldn’t control. The black and white was fucking awesome and I loved every second of the dog overcoming obstacles. Driving cars. Opening doors. Blowing people’s heads off. Tracking like a blood hound. GREAT GREAT GREAT.

Final Thoughts

I looked at the IMDB ratings and Metalhead was ranked #19 out of 19. For some reason this gives me joy. I wasn’t too far off with my other rankings compared to other users. White Christmas tops the list which I understand. Hang the DJ got the 2 spot which is too high. San Junipero was 3 and that is so totally a chick flick. How Metalhead got last makes me think that people are either 1) girls 2) not smart enough to realize this is what happens when you build machines that are too smart

By |2018-04-25T23:15:18-04:00April 25th, 2018|Tv|3 Comments

Searching For a New URL

After waiting 11 days for Sam to check in with his WordPress experts, I ask him, “any update on the new site?”
He responds, “they said this is a project you can do yourself.”

Now I started wondering, how many more days were going to pass before Sam was going to tell me that nothing was happening?

That aside, we still need to think of a URL. He threw out WakeUpSheeple which even though I think sheeple is overused, it does play into what we are trying to accomplish.. I decided to Google “phrases with people” to substitute sheeple (I liked wethesheeple) and this came up.

WTF?!?! There were about 100 different sentences that came up and one has my name in it. Now there are a few thoughts that go through my mind and the main one being my computer has to be thinking. I’ve been watching the Black Mirrors and if you are going to argue differently, you better come at it REAL STRONG.

Aside from that, I still like the wedontwalkslow mantra. Picking the new URL is tough because you have to live with it as Sam found out with Bansheemann. It decides whether you get off the ground on the right foot. Any suggestions?

By |2018-04-25T09:51:42-04:00April 25th, 2018|Off Topic|2 Comments

“The Idea Of…”

My dad, JC, is an impressionable man. He gets enamored with people who he feels are successful or better off than he is. He’s also easily persuaded by sales people who have the “next big thing”. This leads him down different life excursions and hard to justify expenses. I only mention this because he’s been using the phrase “the idea of” the last few days and I’m certain he picked it up from someone. Where? I do not know, but I do have some thoughts on the phrase.

As human beings, it’s easy for us to fall into verbal loops. This is when we use the same phrasing for a period of time until we get sick of it. I imagine we do this subconsciously, but I listen for it relatively closely. The reason most people don’t pick up on it is because most people don’t listen at all. This one phrase though, “it’s the idea of”, has been looming its head around my life and I hear it all the time. I think it makes the person feel / look/ think they are smart.

I like the ring of it, no doubt. When you are trying to explain a point, think about how professor like and broad sounding “it’s the idea of” starts. It’s a great setup for the next line. It’s the idea of taking a shit while not having to touch my phone with bathroom fingers. It’s the idea of eating Doritos without getting nacho cheese all over the tips. You get the point. I have a lot of thoughts about my fingers.

Next time you’re at work, see how often you hear “the idea of”.  The fuck am I talking about? Too long of a post to delete it.

By |2018-04-23T16:32:51-04:00April 23rd, 2018|Off Topic|2 Comments

How Much is Too Much?

I did some calculating on my gambling for 2018 and here are the results so far:

Bovada: $-240
Draftkings: $-700

I ended up getting a 1099 for $1,200 on Draftkings for 2017 after hitting the 3k in the NFL tourney. I lost about a K on Bovada. Cancelling out Bovada, it’s fair to say that 2017 was roughly a wash minus the Sugarhouse which would be ugly.

The one misleading part about the -$700 for 2018 is that I have $45 in action right now with 2 DK lineups in golf which are built for success if Xander Schauffele can make the cut. I have Ancer, Hossler, Kuchar, Mitchell, Murray, and Xander. If that lineup hits, I’ll be in the $-600 range barring any REAL success.

I also have $600 in my Bovada account which is primed and ready for action here with the NBA and NHL playoffs. The point of this post is to ask how much is too much to lose?  I asked Jeff what he think would be too much for all of 2018 and he said $500. I’m at $-940 which is is essentially $300 dollars a month I’m losing. I spend WAY more money bowling and people wouldn’t say shit, but if I lose it gambling I’m a degen. Do you understand how much entertainment value I get from gambling? It’s not even close how much more fun I’m having than you. Not even close. When I spin this to a positive, you’ll be coming to my site asking me for picks (who I take from other people).

LEGGGGGGGO XANDER!!!!!!!

By |2018-04-20T09:45:18-04:00April 20th, 2018|Off Topic|0 Comments

Betting Unders

I hit the Texas-TB under today. Why am I betting baseball unders? Well…it’s because the Action Network is recommending me to do so. Rooting for unders is not fun, but it does appear to be profitable. This is most likely because the public loves the over. It certainly doesn’t mean the under covers all the time. Last night I had the Bos-LAA under and I lost it by the 3rd inning. It’s that the under is so unsexy that it’s like the cheese that stands alone. My point is, in order to make money, you have to go against the crowd and do what’s hard, and that’s called taking unders.

This is how I watch the last few minutes when betting on the under.

The other part of taking many recommended plays by the Action Network is that you can’t blow your wad on one bet. These guys don’t hit 100% of the bets. No one does. You can make money taking some of the better odds that are available. Today I took the guy Djokovic was playing at +200. Did he win? He did not, but finding upsets is key to winning. I took Egypt coming out of their group at +550 for the World Cup. I’m planning on taking Morocco as well. Are you going to take KAT at over 3.5 FT’s tonight and Joe Ingles at under 5.5 assists? These are the bets I’ve been on the last few weeks. I’m doing fine, and would be doing better, if I didn’t make picks on my own accord like the Cavs over when they had 5 points in the first 9 minutes in game 1. Fucking unders.

By |2018-04-18T20:55:33-04:00April 18th, 2018|Off Topic|0 Comments

Rolling In The Deep…Creek

I’ll start this post with some golf and end it with some life perspective.

70 line items!

I spent this weekend on a golf trip with 7 other like minded bros. We traveled about 4+ hours to Deep Creek, Maryland where the rents are dirt cheap. Hafer, the spreadsheet aficionado, found us a $950,000 house that we rented for $1,500+ for the weekend. Getting 8 bros together to spend a weekend drinking and golfing in your 30’s is different than a rager in your 20’s. We are all relatively mature and got along the entire trip with literally 0 disagreements the entire time. Except for that one character…

We spent time shooting pool, playing pong, throwing bags, and watching sports while in the house. Essentially enjoying what life has to offer while drinking as many beers as possible. On Friday, we played a $29 course that was in the boonies to start our week. Kuratnick got us started by roping one down the middle while Hafer “birdied” 1 with a miracle shot that I wasn’t blessed to see, and can only imagine what it looked like. My game suffered early on until I rolled in a 12 foot par putt to take a double dot on 7. After that I started hitting the ball cleaner and finished with a respectable 99 (or 101 as I had it). My only bungle was calling lone wolf as Badgerow fired a tee shot into the woods only to have it strike a tree and roll back on the green and 10 feet from the hole.

John Daly statue

Day 2 was sweet livin’. We ventured 40 minutes to Nemacolin resort (rated #16 best course in PA by Golf Digest), specifically the Mystic Rock course. The round was $140 and came with a caddie. We hit some balls at their first class practice facility and then tee’d off. I wasn’t playing great by any means with 3 doubles in the first 4 holes but then I start pulling it together as I started drinking more. I used the caddie’s advice to make a par save on 5 and finished with a 46 on the front. Nothing special. I managed to birdie 11 and added another birdie on 16 (with more caddie help) to finish with a 41 back. Aside from one duffed drive, I was riding the fairway all day off the tee. The caddie also gave me a “tip” which will most likely save me hundreds of strokes throughout my life. Was it worth the pricey cost to play? Absolutely.

Here’s where this blog will get interesting. Having 7 other people together, you notice where they are in each stage of their life. 3 of the guys are married with kids and I’d remark that this is the biggest difference in a person’s life. One guy said to me, “I envy how you can spend money the way you do.” I replied, “I envy the fact you have a family”. What I mean by writing that is that you usually can’t have both. People who act the way I do don’t have responsibilities outside of themselves. What I learned, or already knew / further substantiated, is that no one knows exactly what to do in life. There isn’t a guaranteed path. You go through it the best way that YOU know how to and cross your fingers you are doing it right. Either way, I know that spending time on a weekend like this is living life.

I won’t forget almost smashing that jeep on hole 10 at the Oakland Club. Or the squad of Baker and myself being down 4 cups on our do or die to go to OT and then win the Beer Pong Tournament. Or Shmitt and Hafer’s hospitality for cooking for an entire group. This actually is a funny trait because if it was me, Evan and Kuratnick, we’d all be eating pizza. It’s weekends like this that don’t happen as often as they should. Until next time.

By |2018-04-17T09:25:04-04:00April 17th, 2018|Off Topic|10 Comments

Zuckerberg May Be an Alien

The older I’ve gotten, the more I believe that other life forms exist in the universe. I took a class in college called “Intelligent Life in the Universe”. I thought it would be about aliens and UFO’s and it turned out to be about rocks and plants. After watching an interview with Neil Tyson de Grasse and Katy Perry, she asks him if he thinks there are aliens and he replies with a yes, that’s good enough for me. Here is another great minute from it.

This lead in brings me to Zuckerberg being questioned by Congress because Cambridge Analytica purchased millions of private information of users from Facebook developers. This obviously led to there being a major hole in the privacy regulations of Facebook, which is what he is being nailed for.

Fortunately, I don’t know enough about this to comment on it. I’d guess Facebook tracks every movement you make on your computer and if you aren’t ok with it, you shouldn’t use it. Point aside, Mark Zuckerberg could be from another planet. Watch him drink his water.

If that’s not straight out of Signs or War of the World, I don’t know what else is. It makes perfect sense though. Some alien life form copied a human being to integrate some application to gather as much information on the human species as possible and do who knows what with it. I hope I’m not around to see it.

Another gem.

By |2018-04-10T22:10:08-04:00April 10th, 2018|Off Topic|1 Comment
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