The phrase close but no cigar comes from a time period when cigars were handed out as prizes for carnival games. So when you lost it was “close, but no cigar”. What. The. Fuck. Anyway, this is going to be a shit entry but I wanted to get a post out there.
Close but no cigar can be used to describe my weekend because I had two instances where I was money but didn’t quite get there. The first was the draft kings golf tournment where I put 5 guys through the cut but ultimately missed cashing by 11 spots with 9500 entries. Goddamn Jonas Blixt.
The 2nd was a poker tournament that had about 115 players and I ended up getting 15th for a min cash of $34 dollars. I played well and wasn’t called all-in except 2 times in the tourney (I had a boat once and the other was my going out hand where my 10-9 couldn’t beat 2 other pre-flop callers when I was short). This is great and all but I lost $12 on a trifecta bet and had at least 5 beers which put me down for the day.
I also went bowling on Sunday where I put a 170 something game but wasn’t too great at picking up spares. I also had my first draft which I was pretty pleased with. I’ll share results after tonight’s.
I’m not sure it’s a wise move to post my thoughts in drafts because I know people who are in my leagues read this and there is nothing worse when a player is scooped out from under you. Even still, fantasy football is 25% draft, 75% management.
It’s smart to look at the previous year and see how you did and what were smart moves and mistakes on draft day to learn for this year.
Wild Turkeys – 1st Place – With the first pick I took A-Pete who missed the entire season. It shows that you can still win without your first round pick which is why I have no qualms taking Leveon Bell with #1 this year. My second round pick was Arian Foster who also got hurt mid season but was a beast during the playoff run. Gronk in the 3rd round was the steal of the century playing all games. Aside from those picks I had no one else who was a great contributor. Matt Ryan and Vincent Jackson were mediocre and the rest were just plug in’s. Now obviously I made tremendous picks up with ODB, Jeremy Hill (Bud spent a third of his waiver money only to drop him which I think will be a lesson learned that if you spend your money, believe in the pick up), Kenny Stills, and Charles Johnson. This team won their last 7 games though off of ODB, Hill, and Gronk riding high through the playoff run.
I made the finals in another league (drafting Eddie Lacy first, Montee Ball second, Gronk 3rd), the playoffs in a league (Dez and Demarius went 1-2 for me – Gronk, who was drafted in the 3rd round by Adam won the league), and missed the playoffs in the 3rd (drafting Peterson and Foster again). Key note here, Gronk was on the championship team in 3 out of 4 leagues I played in.
2015 Draft
Here is a list of where players are being drafted.
If I get the first pick, I’m a toss up between LeVeon Bell and Adrian Peterson. I want nothing to do with Lacy, Lynch, Anderson, or Forte. I’d take Jamaal or J. Hill if they come to me. I’m not taking DeMarco, LeSean, Forsett, or Miller with any of my picks. These aren’t guys I want on my team. I’ll take my chances with guys like Abdullah, Melvin Gordon, D Martin, and Jonathan Stewart.
This takes us to WR’s. I like the top 7 guys. I think ODB is going slightly too high and Megatron slightly too low. I’d prefer Megatron over Dez, Julio, and Demaryius. I’m 100% looking to draft him in the 2nd round if he drops to me. AJ Green, TY, Jeffery, and Brandin Cooks are good players but I’m looking elsewhere. Guys like Matthews, Hopkins, Adams, and Amari Cooper seem more reasonably priced.
TE’s are Gronk. I’m drafting Gronk in the 2nd round. Bottom line. No one is more valuable. If someone wants to draft him with the 11th pick like I would, then I’ll find another guy like Greg Olsen, Travis Kelce, Martellus Bennett, or Tyler Eifert in the later rounds. If I can’t get Gronk, I don’t mind waivering it up for a TE week after week.
QB’s are my least important draft pick because the difference between the best and the worst isn’t that great. I read some article that pointed out a guy using waiver wire pick ups week after week actually out scored Matt Ryan over the course of a season. Sure I like Luck and Rodgers but I don’t think they add that much value. Give me Ryan Fitzpatrick against a shitty defense any day of the week and I’ll roll the dice instead of drafting Peyton in the 3rd round.
Disclaimer
Just because I write it doesn’t mean I follow it to a t. I’m not trying to throw people off because if you come to read my blog, I want to provide good content. I’m not a fantasy star by any means but I hawk the waiver wire closer than you and that’s why I’m competitive. There’s a reason why I make the most moves year after year. The draft is the draft but the season is the real deal.
This is my favorite picture of my dad and goes perfectly with this post.
Yesterday my dad, JC, wanted to change his voicemail recording. He was struggling with where to find it (personal greeting in the voicemail settings) and I stood by him going through about 3 prompts to get to the exact part where they say “record your personal greeting.” I left the room assuming nothing could go wrong but I probably wouldn’t be sharing if it ended there. After he left the message he didn’t know what to hit (#) and mistakenly disconnected the call. In frustration he decided not to go through it again.
I have no idea what it’s like living without technology so I came up with opinions on how tech should work properly. Below is a list of situations that arise are not always the easiest to manage but I can shed some light on.
The Last Text in a Group Chat
What happens when I want to send a funny text.
You don’t ever want to be the person who has the last text. It means that your last text sucked and no one knows how to respond to it. Stoppers basically consist of bad jokes, insults, and stupidity. I was part of a 6 person chain that had about 20 straight messages within 5 minutes, I made a corny jab at an individual and the entire chain stopped. It sucked.
The Planning Group
A bachelor party or trip is being planned and an email has been sent out to 25 different people to see who is interested. Popular procedure is to respond to ONLY the person who sent the email whether you are interested. Group responding to let people know you’d go is weak. However, a group response about a funny story or humorous joke is encouraged AS LONG AS IT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY. Some people are naturally funny and good at this or you can be like me where you put too much damn pressure on yourself that it feels forced and dumb.
The Voicemail
Don’t leave a voicemail. Why leave a voicemail when you can text a person the same exact info? It’s honestly the dumbest part of technology that still exists on personal phones. Businesses still should use voicemail. Friends should not.
Get Off Your Phone!
We played the phone game on Saturday night where you stack your phone and the first person who touches it loses. I was pretty drunk but we lasted for a solid 30 minutes (complete guess). In the meantime a chugging contest ensued and was far more entertainment than a phone could provide. I don’t get annoyed at people who check their phones as long as their cognizant of their surroundings. You don’t check your phone at a meal unless you are showing someone info derived from a conversation. Checking your phone at of pure boredom is also a trait people need to work on.
I was in my car listening to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift when I started considering the song’s lyrics and how it’s a response to the feud she is having with Katy Perry.
My younger self would have said, “Taylor hates the bitch because Katy hired some of her crew during a tour in an attempt to sabotage it and Taylor wrote a song about her”, and I would have left it at that. As I’ve gotten older I tend to ask more questions about the reasoning behind why artists do what they do and how this is probably just a ploy to get more listens. Then I thought, why the fuck am I thinking about this and why do I care?
Why Do I Care About Taylor Swift and Katy Perry?
I know neither of them personally and I don’t listen to their music that often, however, I’m fascinated by the lyrics to this song and their meaning. Does Katy really live with ghosts? Was there ever really mad love? What were the exact bullet holes?
The brain power behind labeling it as a response to their “bad blood” is the genius behind the promoters for Taylor Swift. They are getting me to care about this feud even though I shouldn’t. Why are celebrities put on a pedestal where we (the plebeians) care about their every move?
It must be the connection we have to their music. The opening lyric to Teenage Dream is “You think I’m pretty, without any make up on.” (girls crave for this line) Shake it Off (a song about not letting what other people say get you down) has 1 BILLION YouTube views. BABY YOU’RE A FIREWORK!!!!!! (another up-lifter and no I’ve never felt like a plastic bag). These all relate to human emotion in a very general sense which is why it is felt by so many people and why they have the power they do.
Back To My Car
You’ll always have my heart.
So now I’m back in my car thinking about all of this while Bad Blood is playing . Why do I care about Katy Perry and find her magnificent breasts magnetic (why are these words so close?). Why do I think Taylor Swift is a complete bitch for not letting her music go on Spotify? Why do I wonder why there is Bad Blood when the answer to this question has precisely 0 meaning in my life. I honestly don’t know.
This post started with no conclusion and I muddled through it with various observations but no meaning. This is why I’m a two bit blogger. I start a post with no end in sight other than the opportunity to post hot pictures of Katy Perry and to make some points about a feud. Oh well.
I was flipping through channels last night and came across Shaq selling watches on HSN. My immediate reaction was that this guy is flat broke and is whoring himself out for any nickel he can get. However, after some brief research, I’ve concluded that this is not the case.
It’s reported that Shaq is worth $350 million.
Shaq was quickly becoming a huge star, exploring careers in the rap and film industry appearing in films such as Blue Chips and Kazamm. In 1996 O’Neal was part of the gold medal winning Olympic basketball team. During the Olympics Shaq announced his plans to join the Los Angeles Lakers as part of a seven year $121 million deal. In 2000, Shaquille and the Lakers won the NBA championship. They would go on to win the title two more years in a row. In 2005 Shaq singed a 5-year contract with the Miami Heat for $100 million. Shaquille is now a frequent commentator on NBA games and still appears in many commercials.
He has endorsement deals with companies like Icy Hot, Gold Bond, Buick, Zales, and others. He is the joint owner of 155 Five Guys Burgers restaurants, 17 Auntie Annie’s Pretzels restaurants, 150 car washes, 40 24-hour fitness centers, a shopping center, a movie theater, and several Las Vegas nightclubs.
Now it all makes sense. He’s just pimping out his own line of watches called “DRONE” which seems like a stupid name. I must add though that the Home Shopping Network does a great job of making it easy to buy watches. This popped up on my TV which I think is a simplified means of picking up a phone. I wonder if the order is tied in directly with Comcast?
So if you have any money in the market you are sweating right now. I’ve been through this wild volatility before and you want to sell as soon as shit hits the fan which is definitely happening. The market opened down 1,000 points today and is still down between 300-500 points (which is still a huge drop). Time to sell?
As you can see with this email I sent on Thursday, I sensed this was coming.
I actually did purchased TVIX at 6.86 and sold it Friday a little above 8. Little did I know it would shoot above 15 today. The market is hard.
I should also note that if you are a blog reader and took my advice on buying February Puts on TAXI, you would have made over 100%.
Now on to more important notes because I’m a perenial loser in investing in the market which is why I have only about 10% of my portfolio in it. I own some some stocks that lose money but I don’t expose myself to the shit that we are going through right now. Why?
When losing money starts to affect your emotional well being, you have to say to yourself, “is it really worth it?” For me it’s not. I’ve gone through ups and downs and I prefer being straight. Sure the market will probably swing back from this down run but who knows when that could happen? It could take a year. Then you start saying, well it can’t go down any more and you start purchasing at these lower prices but it still goes down. I’ll be on the sidelines.
As a blogger, it’s important to take opinionated stances on events you know nothing about.
What it looks like in Paris.
“I suppose if you’re into being pretentious and want to be seen with other posers, then you’ll want to sign up for this”
What is Diner En Blanc?
Jeff participated in the Diner En Blanc last year, and went again this year, so I have the inside scoop on what transpires during the dumbest idea that people create as cool. Essentially, you dress up in all white and carry a table and chairs to a location where you are then shuttled to another location where you set up your table and dine on your own food. This event costs $40 dollars for the privilege to dine with other people who want to pay $40 dollars to inconvenience themselves. You can pay more for their food or so I’m told.
Every part of this “Diner” is a hassle. First you have to go out and buy all white clothes. It’s frowned upon by the leaders if you disobey this instruction.
This actually looks pretty cool in Sydney.
Next you need to carry a table and chairs to a part of the city where a shuttle will pick you up and take you to a secret location. Oh let me call a taxi and sit with a table crammed against my head only to get to a place where I then have to get into a shuttle with dozens more people carrying tables and chairs.
Now I’m at the location and I get to set up my table and chairs. What’s happening now? OH IT’S RAINING!!!! THIS IS SO FRESH AND EDGY! WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!!!!!! Now I’m done eating the food I brought and I have to lug all of it back to the shuttle. What an amazing evening!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m being a complete negative Nancy on this but this feels to me like an event people do because they “have to do it”. You aren’t in the “in” crowd if you don’t. Hoity toity people get off on doing completely ridiculous events just because. It’s probably a lot of fun and a great experience but seems pretty stupid. An opinion from someone who went:
Only thing to save #debphl2015 was @TheMarthaMan Otherwise no ambience, no view, the opposite of the past. A lot could have been done better
My parents paid for my college so if you’re reading this and still paying loans, you have every right to get mad at me for this post.
Today I was driving through a section of town where the individuals would be classified as “lower income”. My brain started thinking that most of these people probably never went to college and then I thought about my college experience. Is my 4 year college experience what actually separates me from these people with regards to job status and intelligence? If I spent my 4 years developing a skill instead of college, would I be further ahead or behind? How important was college?
I first asked, “what did I actually learn in college?”
Teamwork – I learned how to work in groups for class projects and reach a common goal that was bigger than what could be obtained by one person
Social Skills – I made dozens of friends from all over. My Freshman roommate was Indian.
Independence – I lived on my own 5 hours away with little interaction with my parents. It was me being me.
Education – I learned how to think. What I actually learned was irrelevant to my life.
A few College Experiences
Two chipped teeth
The first time I hit a bowl I blew the wrong way and the weed went all over the floor.
I got an underage the first week of school by beer bonging 5 beers in a 15 minute window. I went down some steps, the cops came, they said everyone leave, I walked up the steps holding my beer and stumbled right into a cop. I was the only one to get an underage.
I got frostbite on my foot after traversing North Oakland for hours in -10 degree weather.
I blacked out and made out with a swamp donkey who I couldn’t even fit my arms around.
I puked in the corner of a dance floor at a CMU frat house the very first time I drank at school. I made out with some girl shortly after thinking nothing was wrong.
A Real Opinion on College From Someone Who Didn’t Need It
I was a finance major. I was a B student and enjoyed the investing courses but wasn’t nearly as intelligent or hardworking as my peers. This could have been because I had a family business that I planned to move into after college no matter what. Most people in my situation would have spent as along as they could in school and given as little effort as possible. I went to every class and studied as hard as I felt I should to get by. I was just like any other student preparing for their future. The fact that I had a job lined up didn’t change my work ethic (although as I write this post it probably could have). So what did I take out of it?
Those 4 years were well spent. It was an in-state school and tuition was probably 15k a year which is about as much as school should cost. As I wrote before, I learned to think and how to work. Sitting in a library for hours straight finishing assignments is a testament to one’s work ethic. I carried that with me to what I’m doing now. It was a stepping stone to entering the real world.
Once I entered the real world, I really grew as a person. I took one week off after school and entered the workforce the Spring of ’05. I was green as can be as college didn’t teach me how to answer a phone and sell a product to the person on the other end. College never explained to me what credit card processor has the lowest rates. Or how to negotiate a deal for 20 Soldering irons. I learned that through 10 years of WORK experience which college could never teach.
I certainly don’t downplay the necessity for college but if a person has a work ethic and a desire to be what they want to be, college is really just a degree.
The year is 2011. The Broncos started the season 1-4 with Kyle Orton at the helm and Tim Tebow was named the starter week 7. He wins his first game against the Dolphins 18-15. He gets wrecked by the Lions 10-45 the next week and then a light was shone upon him.
He rattles off 6 straight wins winning by narrow margins 14, 7, 4, 3, 3, 3. It’s hard enough to win 1 game in the NFL let alone 6 straight by such slim margins. It wasn’t just him winning games, it was the way he won the games.
Week 11 – After each team traded punts, the Broncos got the ball with 5:54 remaining, when quarterback Tim Tebow led the Broncos on a 12-play, 95-yard drive, culminating with Tebow scrambling 20 yards for a touchdown with 58 seconds remaining.
Week 12 – The Broncos’ defense subdued San Diego’s final drive of the fourth quarter, sending the game to overtime. On the Chargers’ second possession in overtime, Novak’s potential game-winning 53-yard field goal was blocked. However, head coach John Fox had called a timeout prior to the kick. Novak missed the second attempt wide right. The Broncos’ third possession in overtime began with 2:31 remaining, and Prater nailed the game-winning 37-yard field goal with 29 seconds left in overtime.
Week 13 – The Broncos answered with kicker Matt Prater’s 46-yard field goal with 1:33 left to tie the game at 32. On the Vikings’ ensuing possession, Broncos’ cornerback André Goodman returned an interception off Ponder to the Vikings’ 15-yard line. Six plays later, Prater nailed the game-winning 23-yard field goal as time expired to give the Broncos their fifth consecutive win.
Week 14 – With 4:34 remaining in the fourth quarter, the Broncos put together a 7-play, 63-yard drive, and finally got on the scoreboard with 2:08 remaining, when quarterback Tim Tebow threw a 10-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Demaryius Thomas. With no timeouts remaining, the Broncos tried an onside kick, but Chicago recovered prior to the two-minute warning. After one running play, the two-minute warning stopped the clock. On the next play, Broncos’ linebacker D. J. Williams was able to push Barber out of bounds, saving 40 seconds of time. The Bears eventually punted to the Broncos’ 20-yard line with 56 seconds remaining. Tebow subsequently led the Broncos on an 8-play, 39-yard drive, with Prater nailing a game-tying 59-yard field goal to send the game to overtime. This was the first game in NFL history that had two field goals of 57 yards or more. Chicago won the overtime coin toss, however, they deferred, and the Broncos went three-and-out on their first possession. The Bears drove into field goal range on their first overtime possession, but Broncos’ linebacker Wesley Woodyard forced a fumble off Barber, with defensive end Elvis Dumervil recovering the fumble. Nine plays later, Prater nailed the game-winning 51-yard field goal.
They lost the next 3 games and finished 8-8 but won tie-breakers over their rivals and ended up making the playoffs. What happens in the playoffs? Oh yeah, this.
People honestly thought that God was helping this guy win. He didn’t have an extraordinary amount of talent (he sucked frankly) but for some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t lose. Of course the Patriots then walloped him 45-10 the next round of the playoffs exposing him for the fraud that he was but everything since then has all hinged on this incredible run. It’s hard to explain because he had no business winning these games.
I actually bet on the Bears game and there was probably less than 1% of a chance to come out of that game with a victory. All the Bears player had to do was fall down and the clock would have expired, instead he gets forced out of bounds. Next the Broncos put together just enough to give Prater a shot at a 59 yarder and what does he do on a kick that’s probably 2% – through the uprights. Then he nails another 50+ yarder in OT?!?!?! It felt like there was a spirit helping Tebow along. Of course it was most likely the thin air of Denver but, how can you argue otherwise?
That was it though. He was never given another chance by the Broncos (Peyton came) and the Jets had him sit all of 2012. Sure the Patriots gave him a shot and now the Eagles but the coaches see him for what he is, a shitty QB. How he made that run is a mystery to everyone but that’s why he’s so damn appealing. It’s like there’s a godly aura surrounding him that is magnetic to the media. I hope this clears up some Tebow mania for you.
Yesterday I cranked out 5 posts. Probably an all time high. When you post that often people start expecting posts spreading like wildfire but much to your dismay, that is not the case. I’ve got nothing.
I was going to post about the migrants from the Middle East infesting Europe but than I realized I know absolutely nothing about why it’s happening (aside from the Middle East being a shit place to live which is probably all there is to know) but my stance would mean nothing.
Then I read some article with 2 females passing the Elite Rangers military training for the first time in history which was pretty neat but once again my stance is about one sentence. Cool, now we can send women into battle to get shot and blown up. EQUALITY IS GREAT!
So that leaves me making a post about making a post which I’ve done plenty of times before. Better than nothing.
The phrase close but no cigar comes from a time period when cigars were handed out as prizes for carnival games. So when you lost it was “close, but no cigar”. What. The. Fuck. Anyway, this is going to be a shit entry but I wanted to get a post out there.
The 2nd was a poker tournament that had about 115 players and I ended up getting 15th for a min cash of $34 dollars. I played well and wasn’t called all-in except 2 times in the tourney (I had a boat once and the other was my going out hand where my 10-9 couldn’t beat 2 other pre-flop callers when I was short). This is great and all but I lost $12 on a trifecta bet and had at least 5 beers which put me down for the day.
