We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Bombshell

I bought 3 tickets to go to the Gina Lynn vs Michell Bombshell Mcgee Celebrity boxing match. The flyer said it was being held at Pennant East. I had no idea what Pennant East was and pretty much didn’t know what to expect. How many people are going to show up? Will we be able see the action from general admission? What the hell is Pennant East? I knew it was going to be held in Bellmawr, NJ which isn’t too far from Philly so at least it wouldn’t be a long trip if it turned out to be a dud.

I get back from work and started playing beer pong against the Wagon. We actually only finished 2 and a half games in an hour an a half where I managed to drink 9 beers. I won the first two, both overtime, and then we went to overtime again in the 3rd game but it was time for me to leave for Bellmawr. So I’m nine beers deep, feeling good, looking forward to going to the fight. Jkash is driving and we pull into a bar at about 7:30 and the action begins at 8:30. There are about 10 paparazzi looking for either whore to get a pic of. We get to the door and I’m like, “I bought the tickets online”. The girl picks up a stack of about 5 envelopes and hands us 3 tickets. This was a bit surprising that only 4 other people purchased tickets ahead of time, this gave a bit of an uneasy feeling of what lied ahead.

The bar had a ring right in the middle of it with lights and speakers hanging above it. If you were taller than 6 feet tall you were going to have issues with your head hitting anything above the ring. There were a group of “reporters” sitting ringside. I’m not really sure what these guys were, but they were unique to say the least. Sway from MTV (lookalike) was there and this one guy had his sideburns completely shaved off but regular hair elsewhere on his head. I went to the bathroom and it was completely nasty and the sink barely had running water and there was no soap. This is just to give you an idea of what crowd was into this type of event. We settle in at a spot at the bar and wait for the show to start.

The first “title” (I use this term loosely as there was a belt but I’m not sure what it was for) match was this weird long haired dude who played the part of the heel. He was pushing the ref and even made a comment to this one guy we were with that he was wearing a dumb hat. His opponent had a resemblance to Howard Stern’s Beetlejuice and this one section was sure to let him know. They started the match by using a wrench against the bell. I’d say there were about 100 people at this point and the heel was doing his job of trying to entertain. The action was obviously fake and the moves limited by the confinements of the ring but it was somewhat entertaining. Some other matches included a tag team between 4 girls, one being Roxy Cotton, and another the crowd named “Large Marge.” At one point the girls were rolling around out of the ring right in front of us and one was on her back. Jkash made the comment “I see one of your areola’s” (he didn’t) but she adjusted both breasts just to make sure. Another match had a 400 pound beast fight some little Mexican which was pretty entertaining to see this mammoth of man walk around. He somehow managed to lose his shirt during the fight and the scene was not pleasant at all.

While the action was going on Gina Lynn and Bombshell had entered the bar. Gina Lynn had her entourage of 10 platinum blonds who were all smoking. She was at the one end of the bar away from us and Bombshell had a seat about 10 feet from us. I was too shy to talk to her but she looked pretty good. She had this dark blue tank top that pronounced her tits and her stomach was flat as a board. As much as I would think the tattoo’s would be a turn off, they weren’t. Gina Lynn looked okay too. So they went to their dressing rooms (the kitchen) and they were both introduced. They entered the ring and they had huge head protectors and boxed with gloves the size of their tits. The gloves were way bigger but not much.

They were going to have 3 one minute rounds. At this point there are probably like 200-300 people surrounding the ring. They get under way and Michelle is in so much better shape than Gina Lynn that you could tell it was going to be unfair. Gina Lynn used a scrappy, no punching brawler approach and Michelle is trying to find spots to whoop her. It’s kind of hard for them to hit eachother because the gloves are so big but Bombshell knocked her to the ground a couple of times with more tossing then punching. The first round ended and Gina Lynn is visibly winded. The 2nd round literally lasted 17 seconds. I’m not sure what that was but I think they were trying to make sure Gina Lynn got through it without passing out. I was pro Bombshell as the fight went on. She was booed at the intro which I wasn’t happy about because after hearing her on Howard, she grew on me. The 3rd round had more of the same half punching, tossing to the ground. They finished the 3rd round and then I’m not exactly sure but I think they couldn’t decide who won so they had another round which Bombshell clearly won. I was enamored with Bombshell at this point. Jkash liked the GN Kang girl from 96.5 who I also thought was very nice. She had the flat stomach and nice rack as well. She was the guest referee but didn’t really do much reffing.

The tickets cost us 30 each and although probably a little pricey, it was worth it for the entertainment. I wore a polo shirt to the event and I was upper class. For a change of pace on a Friday night, I had a good time. I can’t imagine too many people in the audience have a medium for relaying a story like this so maybe this review should find it’s way to a site that actually has some popularity.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:54:21-04:00May 8th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Life Rant

I was in good spirits yesterday. Played beer pong on the deck. I won the first game played on the new table and then somehow managed to lose two in a row (to a girl…) I was pretty much ready to drink. People need a reason like Cinco De Mayo to drink. I could care less what kind of holiday there was, I was ready to get wasted on a perfectly good Wednesday afternoon. I probably had 8-10 beers during beer pong, then Wagon and I went to Mad River where I’m not even sure how many Corona’s we drank. Just to put this in perspective. I started drinking at 5 and drank all the way through till 8:30 when we left for the bar. Wagon was sober at 8:30. He finished the night drunk, drinking with me and we were going beer for beer at Mad River. I also had a red stag shot thrown in there because I went to buy it from the girl who I’ve seen a couple times and called her the Red Stag girl and she thought I wanted shots of Red Stag so she brought 2 out and I did one with her and after that it starts to get fuzzy. Wagon used the word blurry but for me it was probably more like black. I remember some black girl wanting to dance with me and I smoothly turned away like I was too cool for her. Then that’s about all I remember. Next thing I knew my alarm was going off at 7:15 am and I felt like death. I went to work fine and did things all day in a semi productive state. This is a Wednesday night. I was pretty gung ho though about drinking so I pretty much went at it just like I would a weekend. My closing thought on the evening is that day drinking owns and it should be including it in my weekly repertoire more often. I decided to take a couple days off from running (to drink) an enjoy life for a couple weeks.

I feel pretty good about things right now aside from the stock market which I’ll just forget about for a while. I’ve hit 9 of my last 11 sports bets and I took the Hawks tonight even after that brutal beating they took in Game 1. I don’t see them winning but I doubt they will be embarrassed like that again. I’m pretty much just winning right now. I’m winning in life. I just seriously have a big head right now for no real reason other than I win. This blog is devoted to me and I can write whatever I want in it so I will. On a realistic note, I’ve been pretty bad at everything as of late. My 115 in golf was one of the worst rounds I’ve had in the past 10 years. I do keep every shot though which resulted in a 10 and 12 on the card. Wagon (and Jill) beat me in beer pong. I’ve dwindled my poker roll. I got hammered in the stock market. And the great thing is I don’t care. I still think I’m the best. There are two important things in life. One is being the best and the second is saying you are the best. Being the best is not easy but saying you are the best can be done with not much regret. There are tons of excuses for why you aren’t playing up to standards. Off day, hungover, feeling sick… In the end it’s all about a mindset. I say I’m the best, therefore I am. Just a word of warning, something big is just around the corner. I’ve had this feeling before but now I’m sure of it. I don’t know what it is but it’s coming…

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T16:02:10-04:00May 6th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Scouting for Girls

This has been out for a while but I think it’s a good song.

By Tom Stortz|2010-05-06T14:11:53-04:00May 6th, 2010|Music|0 Comments

Laugh please

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that.

If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:54:58-04:00May 6th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

This is Too Much

This is evidence that we are failing as a country.

On another note, I got pretty hammered yesterday. It was a perfect day out and felt like a good day to live it up. I’ve been trying to maintain a Hunter S. Thompson persona by getting fucked up but still maintaining myself. I’d give myself a 3 out of 10 last night. My bartender friends weren’t working so I wasn’t getting drink specials. I went with 6 twenty dollar bills and when I woke up this morning (feeling like P Diddy) and I had 0 bills in my wallet and about 30 ones and such sprawled out on my desk. I can’t exactly recollect walking back but I made it home safely and in one piece. I’m a big fan of off day drinking so I had a good time. Tonight I’m going to the Capital Grille with JC and Nance and and my sister so that should be fun. I also have to thank Jill for winking at 21 girls on match.com. I’ve had an account for a couple years but have never used it and I gave her the reigns and she winked at a myriad of girls. Typically these girls don’t live up to my standards but we’ll see.

By Tom Stortz|2010-05-06T10:25:06-04:00May 6th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

News

I don’t usually post news but this is good enough to pique my interest.

From Vivid:
‘We know that Kendra has millions of fans and we feel that it’s rare to find well-produced, hardcore footage of a star of her magnitude. The tape was brought to us by a third party and after consulting with our attorneys, we are confident in our right to distribute it. We’ve been trying to reach Kendra but have so far been unsuccessful. We therefore made the decision to release ‘Kendra Exposed’ to stores across the country by the end of May,’ said Steven Hirsch, founder/co-chairman of Vivid. “We believe this could be our all time best selling celebrity tape.”

And now the good part…

The explicit tape was made before she was engaged to and then married Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett. The name of her sex partner in the video, that was shot prior to her moving into the Playboy mansion, has not been revealed.

My thoughts.
I just hope she has her implants at 18. For whatever reason small boobs and porn don’t go together for me, Tori Black and Jenna Haze are two exceptions to the rule. The celebrity sex videos are always entertaining though. It’s not so much the actual sex but the reality of the situation. I also think it’s good to know about and can be topical in conversation. The girl from Survivor, Jenna Lewis, she had this hilarious part of hers where the guy was just about to go down on her and she’d grab his chin every time he tried, pretty amusing I thought. This Kendra one should be spark some controversy.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:17:53-04:00May 5th, 2010|Celeb|0 Comments

100%

I’m almost back to 100%. My feet are back to normal after only a couple of days post race. My results are also posted at www.broadstreetrun.com so I’m not a ghost runner anymore. I also got this ridiculous blister from softball on my hand. We went to the batting cages earlier and I probably swung 75 times and that just completely chewed through my skin and it’s been annoying these last few days but it’s finally starting to heal. With just a touch of alcohol in my system from the weekend, I’m feeling pretty good today.

Two days ago I went 6-1 in heads up matches ranging from 20-50 buck matches but yesterday I gave back most of those winnings playing a handful of tourneys. I’ll give some very good advice to anyone who plays online often. Stay away from games in the 5:30 to 7 pm time frame. I think the players are much more adept at this time for some reason that probably stems from finishing up work at this time. I’ve been 5-1 in my sports betting lately. I was down to 13 dollars in my bodog account but worked that up to an even 100 to continue with the same money I deposited at the beginning of the March Madness Tourny. It’s not a lot of cash but the entertainment I’ve gotten out of it has plenty of value.

If you have no money or don’t follow the stock market, I wouldn’t mind trading places with you right now. Shit has really hit the fan and the market seems to be giving back some gains. Just to outline a couple of WTF’s that are making me wonder how I can keep my money in the stock market. Toyota and the pedal incident. Goldman and their deception. Greece and it’s debt along with Portugal, Spain, and Italy. There’s no way in hell that we are going to see smooth sailing ahead. The Euro is going to collapse in the future. I bought today an ETF that goes up as the dollar strengthens against the Euro. I would expect to see the 1.20 dollars have the buying power of 1 Euro in the near future and who knows after that. My first encounter with options has been a disaster. I bought some C calls with a 5 strike price that are now worth 3 cents (I bought them for 26 cents). It only cost me 2 hundred bucks but still it’s like burning money. My SIRI options are still fine as I’m up about a c note on them but I have them out to June so I still have time. I’m considering selling everything, getting all my money in one lump some and trading more selectively rather than diversifying a portfolio with stocks and using a buy and hold philosophy. I think it’s a very interesting time financially and to be under the impression that everything is fine and I’m going to let my money ride is a bit worrisome. We’ve seen gains too big and too fast to not be a little suspect.

I went to the track yesterday and ran a 60 quarter, then a 2 minute lap, a 2:40 800, 2 minute lap, a 5:52 mile, 2 minute lap, then a 75 quarter, 2 minute lap, 2:42 half, 2 minute lap, and then finally a 5:52 mile. I was pretty happy with that and my 2 minute laps were between 2 and 2:30. I’ll continue to train hard for the rest of the summer and try to put on a better time in the 10 miler and the distance run.

I’m going to watch Gina Lynn and Bombshell this Friday. Bombshell was on Howard today and apparently the fight is staged but I expect some titties to be popping out and I guess I could care less if it’s real or not. She was an interesting character and I really didn’t dislike her as much as I would think. She was down to Earth and seemed to tell the truth. Nevetheless, it should be interesting and something different.

I’ve sold 3 books on half.com for about 50 bucks which I’m a bit surprised at. I’m also almost finished the Hunter S. Thompson biography which makes me feel good about myself that someone is way way way nuttier than I am. I like biography’s like this and will continue to read about psychos in the future.

I’m not proofreading this either so forgive me for anything that doesn’t make sense.

By Tom Stortz|2010-05-05T09:34:31-04:00May 5th, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Broad Street Run

I rushed a post this morning so I wanted to go into more detail about the broad street run. I went to sleep around 11 and woke up at 5:15. I had eaten pizza the night before and drank plenty of water. I took a shit after I woke up and it was pretty wimpy. I knew that after I ate that much food, I should have had a better shit. This was the first minor issue. I picked up Laura and we park in Citizens Bank and got a Subway to the start of the race. We were at the start at 7 or so which is a lot earlier than I’d like but certainly not a problem. I ate some pretzel but really wasn’t very hungry which is a bit odd too because I didn’t eat any breakfast. So I go on a warm up run and had to piss so I went down this street and next thing I know I have this security guard yelling at me. I figured I was getting a public urination but my plan was to take off sprinting and to get lost in the crowd but he didn’t say anything other than you can’t be in this area. I tried to piss behind some houses but Fido put a halt to that with some barking that scared the shit out of me. I then did some stretching and had to take another piss. So I went down a side street and went right on the corner. No problem. Now the race is getting close and I get in the corral and what do you know, I have to piss again. I don’t know what was happening but I was now stuck in a corral with no where to go and my only option was to hold it. I considered going behind some houses right by the starting line but there were just way too many people for it to be appropriate. I’m sure you’re wondering why I don’t use the porta-potties but the lines are so long and I’m not into waiting.

So the race starts and I feel fine. I actually felt really good. I went out in a 5:45 and after 5 miles I was at 29:15 which I thought was just about perfect. I would be giving myself plenty of time if I fell off pace a little bit. Problem was I started to fall off pace a lot. By mile 7 I knew I had no chance to break 60. I think I came across mile 7 at 42:20 and then 8 was 48:30. I started to get my legs back a bit for the last 2 miles and ran them decent but it was too late. I had 3 females pass me in the last 3 miles so I knew that I was going to slow. It’s really annoying when you are right where you are supposed to be and then you start to die and people just constantly are passing you. I ended up holding the piss the entire race which wasn’t horrible but not ideal. My feet held up fine so that wasn’t an issue. I just lost focus on a couple miles there and that’s why I wasn’t able to reach my goal. I don’t set a lot of goals and am pretty disappointed by not achieving it. I also took a huge shit after the race so my timing on that just wasn’t right. You want to run on clean pipes and I think that may have been a minor issue.

I did get interviewed by an Asian reporter after the race. I was probably one of the first people to start walking to the car because I wanted to beat all the traffic and she was standing on the sidelines with her camera man. I saw her and knew what she was after so when she asked me if I can do an interview I rolled my eyes and said “fine” under my breath. I think she asked how I did in the race and I told her “I failed miserably.” Then I made some comment about lactic acid and how it was pretty hot. I don’t know if it ever made the news or not but it was CW or something like that. She was pretty hot too for an Asian.

Next race is Phil’s 5k and then the Sea Isle 10 miler, followed by the distance run. I’m a really annoyed with myself for not going under 60 and I’ve lost some motivation but I just have to keep at it and move on. I’m going to see what I can run a 400, an 8, and a mile in. I think I was 4:59 in the mile last year so that will be my goal this year. I don’t have good times in the other two to work off of. I’m really happy it’s hot out again because I think sweating while running in the heat is really healthy.

On an unrelated note, I put a bunch of books on half.com and actually sold one today. I sold a Kurt Vonnegut book that I used to read in the bathroom. I don’t really think there is anything wrong with that. It doesn’t carry around an odor and just because my hands are touching it while I’m shitting doesn’t mean it’s contaminated. If I was the buyer and I knew the last owner used it while taking a dump, it would probably bother me a bit but without that knowledge, seems alright to me. I’m still reading the Hunter S Thompson autobiography but after that I’m on a clean slate and will have to find something new. Suggestions?

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:33:39-04:00May 3rd, 2010|Running, Sports|0 Comments

Broad Street & Weekend

This was one of the few weekends where I remained sober the entire time. Wagon and I golfed after work on Friday and I probably had one of the worst rounds in years. I was pretty awful and there really are no excuses. Then Saturday we had softball, which again I was not hungover for. The other team was awful and we ended up winning. After that we painted the beer pong table and watched basketball. I completely failed in the race two times. Number one, my bib didn’t register so I was a phantom runner. Number two, I didn’t do better than last years time. I crossed the line at 60:45 or so and I figure there was probably a 5 second delay so that puts me at 60:40, 25 seconds slower than last year. I’m really disappointed. I thought I put in a lot of effort into training and to not improve over last years time, AND letting girls beat me is really disheartening. I did however execute the strategy of getting there and leaving perfectly. I parked in Citizens bank, subway to the start, and then after I finished I abruptly left and went to my car and jumped on 76 which was empty at 10am. There’s really nothing else of interest.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T16:04:20-04:00May 3rd, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Sober Friday

So I didn’t drink at all last night which is a fairly rare occurrence. No drinking this weekend either and usually when I write that, I don’t do it. However, I actually will abide by that this weekend because of the broad st on Sunday and I would like to do well and alcohol is not a proponent of fast times. It will be a bit different but most likely for the better.

I cleaned out my entire room last night (instead of drinking) and I probably had 20 polo shirts and another 25 or so button down shirts. I probably only wear a rotation of 10 shirts each so I just got rid of anything I will never wear again. I’ve phased out the Nautica brand from my arsenal because they went to some really foreign land to get their shirts produced and now they are all funky. The brand INC shirts start to shrink in the sleeves so I had to rid myself of them. I got it down to about 15 of each and now my closet and room are much cleaner. I have to buy myself some new polos to start fresh for the season. I also donated anything I wasn’t going to wear again to the salvation army.

Wagon and I are going golfing today and I also have to pick up my race information for the Broad St. Last year there was a line about an hour long so I’m not looking forward to standing in that today. Also I’m taking the Subway to the start of the race on Sunday which will be different. Other than that, painting the beer pong table is on the agenda. That’s pretty much the deal.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:56:27-04:00April 30th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments