We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

4 day weekend

I took off on Friday to make it 4 days of holiday. By the end, I was in a full power failure and probably felt close to the worse I’ve ever felt in my life. We played Bball in the 90 degree weather and after the first HALF court game, I knew I was in trouble. I was starting to get nauseous and dizzy and my legs weren’t responding to my brain. One problem was that I hadn’t eaten any food for something like 30 hours. This was a pure liquid alcohol diet and I was feeling the aftermath pretty hardcore. They say you need something powerful to make you change your ways and this was actually pretty close. Am I swearing off alcohol? No. The bike race is this weekend and I find more fun in day drinking on a Sunday then most activities that I can think of. Wagon thought of a good idea to sell off our parking spots in conjunction with a bike race ticket and see if we can make any money. We might be getting a keg for the day so that’s something to look forward to.

I got an chance to hang out with the Rock this weekend which was different because I don’t think I’d seen him in 6 months or more. It’s funny sometimes how people just kind of float out of your life from time to time. I don’t do the best job of keeping in touch, but it’s not because I don’t like the person, it’s because I don’t have much emotional attachment in my relationships with people. I just get this feeling from people sometimes that they are really excited to see me because its been a long time and I just don’t have the same level of enthusiasm. This is no doubt one of my character flaws as I lack the ability to socialize properly sometimes. Once I get to the situation I’m pretty normal but sometimes I just shy away from doing things that are different. As I’m writing this I’m starting to think that maybe I need to do a better job of becoming a people person. I just find it easier to forget than to pursue.

I’m in a really rough spot now anyway. I’ve deteriorated my poker bankroll. I’ve finished Lord of the Rings and I have no books to read. I actually have an episode of Treme to watch and there’s a series on Starz I might check out. Other than that I’m going to try to sweat off the beer weight in the hot, hot, heat and get back to normal.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:54:22-04:00June 1st, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Chip Telepathy

I had an encounter yesterday that gave me this bright idea. I was running down Kelly Drive and up ahead there was a hottie with definite potential. As I get closer I can tell that I’m spot on and this girl is a perfect 10. Problem is I have no good way of communicating with her. I can’t see her and then turn around and try to engage in a conversation because that just comes off as threatening. I can try a wave or something as I pass but it’s still pretty unusual to do that to randoms. As she passes by I realize that I have no weapons at all to attack a situation like this, then it hit me. I need to be able to channel a thought to her from my mind to hers. It would be like the facebook link that’s title “send a message” except that I’m sending it directly to her brain. How hard could this really be to put into effect. Everybody just needs to be on the same communicative channel and have some ability to control who you are sending messages to. I’m sure this could get annoying if you have messages flying at you all the time but I guess you could create an inbox for your brain where all the messages are stored.

Why do I want some sort of ability like this? I’ve heard somewhere that 3% of people are buyers right now. I’m sure this would equate to sex as well. 3% of people, probably more, will have sex with me right now, no if, and’s, or buts. So with this device I’m able to send messages to people and they can get a first person look at me and decide right then and there. If I do this to 1,000 people, 30! of them are likely to go with the idea without any pussyfooting around the issue. So this would completely revolutionize the way people are communicating. I really don’t see why it isn’t happening. We have hard drives to store data and we have radio’s for communication, now we just need to find the communication channel for brain waves and have people messaging back and forth telepathically. There would be so much cheating and manipulation that the world would be in such chaos and disorder, but I’d be able to get laid at least 30 out of 1,000 times no questions, asked.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-08T01:00:32-04:00May 27th, 2010|My Brain|1 Comment

New/Old Theme

I’ve gone back to this theme with the hope of signaling a change of shitty posts. My post count in May is way down from prior months and I guess I shouldn’t really be too surprised that my readership has been decreasing with my lack of updates. I think I’ve come up with a fairly decent idea to actually give this blog some sort of a theme. I’m going to be focusing on a new products blog where I’ll come up with some ideas for new inventions or things I would like to see on the market or at least something that I think will sell. These ideas may be outlandish and impractical but I think I have a mind for this and maybe some people will find it interesting. I just needed to have some direction because I had fallen off the path a bit and wasn’t able to put together good posts anymore. I’ll still provide updates to things in my life but hopefully only things of interest.

One thing of interest actually did happen last night though. I got home from work and went on my 12 mile Kelly Drive run. I hadn’t done this run in exactly one month and I knew I’d been slacking since my broad street debacle. I was just hoping to finish it without caring much for the time. I ended up doing it 4 minutes slower than my fastest time ever and the time was reflective of where I was at the end of March. Slacking for 3 weeks put me back about 3 weeks in training. Not to mention that when your out of shape and trying to finish runs like that, it’s torture. I’m really feeling it today but hopefully I can use that as a spring board for staying in shape over the summer. I know that wasn’t interesting but now for the interesting part.

The wagon and I go to the Bayou to get some wings. They have like .20 wings and 1.75 beers so it’s a pretty good deal. In walks this girl who is with a guy and she seems oddly familiar to me. They sit at the bar which is about 5 feet from the table we are at. I still can’t place the girl and then I hear her talk and it hits me, she’s the girl that I picked up and came over to our APT after Riverpalooza. I couldn’t confirm it was her but I told Chad that I thought it was. I bbm’d him the phone number and after a couple minutes he calls the number to see if she picks up. What do you know, she looks down at her phone and says to the guy “if it’s important, they’ll leave a message.” So we are trying our best not to crack up and there are mirrors all around so she’d definitely notice if we did. Plus I’m sure she could recognize me, if I was able to place her. Chad was also smart enough to put the phone on silent in case she called back. So next thing I know Chad brings the phone out and shows me that we are still on the phone call because he never hit end. Meaning we are leaving a message with all the background noise of the Bayou hoping that she doesn’t her us talking about what just happened. At this point I’m just finding the whole thing funny but I think the fact that neither Chad or I could believe was that this girl was a legitimate good looking girl. The night I found her is kind of fuzzy in itself so I was pretty surprised to see this girl in real time and not drunk time. We ended up leaving without saying anything, but I did get her number many weeks ago and had not had any means of communication due to the uncertainty, so I think that was kind of expected when she’s there with another guy. To wrap up the night, while we were back at the APT she ends up calling the number that called her. Not once, not twice, but 5 fucking times. Stage 5 Clinger perhaps?

By Tom Stortz|2010-05-26T08:20:21-04:00May 26th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

I know I had my “game over” post but I really think it’s a good idea to give anyone who reads this an understanding of what I put myself through each weekend and why game over posts tend to occur. I can’t really speak for last Friday because I passed out at 10:30 after losing 7-1 in beer pong to the Wagon. We play 2 beers a game and I think we played for 2-3 hours straight with overtimes involved. The two of us ended up killing a 30 pack. I made a rookie mistake and didn’t eat any dinner which played poorly on the longevity of the night. This goes hand in hand with going out on Thursday and probably having 7 beers and a mind eraser. When that much alcohol is consumed, my stomach doesn’t want to eat food and thus messes me up for the next day. I have to process all the liquid first and then anything I can fit in my stomach is usually not much. This brings me to Saturday and the demise of my self. I woke up feeling fine after a good nights sleep from passing out early.

On Saturday, my drinking begun at 2:30 for the start of the Flyers game. I think I had 4-5 beers during the game. Then I had 3 twisted teas and 2 IPA’s from a specialty case I bought earlier. I almost like the twisted teas as they are a change from beer even though I don’t really feel like a man for drinking them. At this time it’s probably 8pm and I’ve had around 10 drinks spaced well throughout the day. My eating was fairly minimal during this time. A few people came over and I would guess that I had 6 or so beers during the drinking games we played for 2 hours. Then I did 2 beer bongs, lost both to girls, and had some shot mixed in there. At this point it’s 11 and it’s time to go to the bar. I’m obviously pretty buzzed at this point but still functioning. I remember trying to get some bike race tickets from this bartender I’ve met a few times and she was trying to charge me full price so I wasn’t having that. I ended up getting 2 single rum and cokes from here and decided to change my ways. After that I starting getting Double’s from Lauren and that is the end of the night for me. Chad said I wasn’t home by 1:45 and I’m sure I was pounding drinks throughout the process. This is in no way bragging about how much alcohol I consume but probably more like a cry for help. I drank for 12 hours straight, no breaks, constant drinking and somehow made it back safe. I probably did some things to embarrass myself in those last few hours but I honestly can’t remember so I’m not too worried about it. I also somehow have acquired about 10 bike race tickets through my fascination with the bartender and seeing how many I can get.

I wake up on Sunday feeling like death. My motor skills are in question as I’m stammering around the living room and finding it difficult to sit on the couch properly. My stomach is filled with liquid and there is no food consumption possible at this point. This feeling lasted me the whole day as I was only able to down 2 hot dogs and a half a cheese steak for the entire day. I was alive while playing golf but to say I can bring my A game under those conditions is laughable. A side note, I did get a new driver and some of the distance on those drives would rival some pros. I played about mid 90 golf but shot a 103 with two 9’s and a ten on 3 of the last 5 holes.

The feeling of terribleness doesn’t leave on Monday either. This is more than a 24 hours recovery time from that much alcohol. I didn’t have any breakfast and then ate half of a salad for lunch, 3 waffles for dinner. Finally at 11pm today I was able to put down a some real food. That is what I put myself through most weekends. There is no good that comes from it only the pain and suffering and wondering why I do such a thing to my body. So when you read this understand that I’m not your usual drinker who can have 6-12 beers and call it a night. My problems lie far and beyond the scope of most people. When you see game over posts, I’m not referring to my life as finishing but my mental capacity is not there. I write this so if you see me in one of these drunken binges, most likely you aren’t seeing the real me but an out of control teetotaler who finds nothing better to do with his free time than drink. Sad but true.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:52:38-04:00May 25th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Posts

I just tried to write an entry and everything is coming out miserable. I’m unable to write anything of interest as of late, and for that I will be pausing entries for a bit. Game over for now.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T16:03:40-04:00May 24th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Dinner and M.R

I went to dinner with my mom and brother yesterday and my mom likes to bring up the subject of me getting a girlfriend. I’m gonna have to quote Sam on this one for my thoughts on the subject “I don’t think I want a girlfriend, and even if I did, I don’t think I could get one.” I’m pretty picky when it comes to girls that I would consider going out with sober. This differs greatly from girls that I would hook up with when I’m drunk. It’s kind of annoying in one sense because whenever you get asked to things like weddings and you don’t have anyone to go with, you just come off as a goofball. However, being able to do whatever you want without having to rely on anyone else has it’s advantages. No one to tell you not to do things and if you do something embarrassing you are only embarrassing yourself and not the duo. My brother went to visit his “girlfriend” in Pittsburgh this weekend and I said something to the effect “there’s no way in hell I travel 5 hours for a girl for no other reason than to see her.” Jkash made the point that if sex is guaranteed than it makes sense. However, if that’s the case, I’m pretty sure you can talk to some random bro at the drafting room and go to the Pink Elephant to find a coked up whore who will jerk you off for 40 bucks or sit on your dick for hundred. The bottom line correlates to what I wrote in my last post, I’m at the end of my youthful years and I plan to enjoy them for every little bit that it’s worth and if a girlfriend is going to bog me down, I have no interest. I’m sure there are plenty of girls who are easy going and would put up with my shit but I don’t like the idea of having a vested interest in someone else’s life unless I’m actually committed to it.

We went to Mad River last night and Jkash couldn’t get a taxi so I was creepily standing in a bar with not many people in it for about 10 minutes by myself. It wasn’t too weird but you put off a strange vibe when you are standing there not talking to anyone. I just can’t see myself as one of those guys who goes to a bar by themselves and drinks. I’d probably just stay in a room watching TV getting hammered if I wanted to do that. They have one smoking bartender there who Jon actually got her number last night. I write actually because he had skeptical thoughts on whether she was sincere or not but nonetheless, I’m impressed. Another tidbit, I gave the bartender a 10 for a bud light and he gave me back 18. I obviously didn’t say anything but I returned the favor by buying two bike race tickets for 20 bucks and he also gave me 2 beers which I negotiated as part of the deal. That brings my total to 3 bike race tickets although I’m not really sure how I came about the first one. If anyone has any interest in going I’d be happy to give you a ticket. A final interesting observation from last night was that we ordered 2 mind erasers and the girl didn’t know how to make them so she asked some bro. The bro said “I made these for you last time and didn’t make them right and you spazzed out.” I’m thinking, from my memory this is the first time I’ve ever seen you in my life so I must have been pretty fucked up before. So he gets some tips on how to make them (Kahlua, vodka, and club soda for the noobs) and proceeds to use Grey Goose for the vodka. If you know anything about bars, bartenders use the cheap shit for all drinks unless you specify you want something different and then they charge you extra. I just found it very unusual that a guy who remembers me from a time I was blacked out and I must have said I didn’t like his drink, and he went out of his way to be friendly and make the drink right and to use top shelf liquor for a schlep like me. I have that effect on people.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:19:21-04:00May 21st, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Try Try Again

I know I haven’t had a post in a few days now, it’s not like I’m not trying. Sometimes I’ll sit down and try to write something and I’ll get a few hundred words in and I then just give up because I don’t think it’s coming out right. It’s pretty frustrating honestly. I also think the lack of posts had something to do with my lack of fulfillment in my days. I wasn’t working out and had a pretty bleak outlook for a couple days. Not bleak as in my days are numbered but more so like where is my life heading and what have I been doing with myself these last years. I also think I’m at a quarter life crisis of sorts where I’m past my youth and into this next part of my life which I think I’m begrudgingly entering. Nevertheless, I feel better now and have gotten my shit together. Things are going well at work and I’ve exercised the past 3 days. I also am re-watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy which I find extremely entertaining. I finished my Hunter S. Thompson biography which puts me at a loss of reading material. I’ll probably make a trip to Barnes and Noble and pick up some things, although it doesn’t make sense because I could just take out all good material from the library. I’m going to end this now and probably post again shortly about other things happening but I felt the need to update this and at least confirm that I haven’t quit.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:55:32-04:00May 20th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

Slothlike

I’ve been very lazy lately. I’ve went from an exercising almost daily to being a slug. I’m still doing things but I don’t consider them active in the least. Softball, tennis, and golf don’t cut it. I blame myself entirely as I have ample time but no real drive or effort. I do intend to change that around though in the future. After coming back from the sales trip I pretty much had a regular, redundant weekend which I don’t feel like embellishing for this blog. A 5 game series vs the Wagon in beer pong was probably the highlight which isn’t saying a whole lot. He won by the way and if I didn’t add this sentence I’m sure I’d hear about it. My Sunday consisted of 2 cigars, 8 beers, and a round of golf where I think I played fine for this early in the season. I was 94 and didn’t get off the tee great and gave away a few shots here or there. Everything else is good though and hopefully I will do a better job of updating this with better entries.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:54:51-04:00May 17th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

The end cometh

I’m making this post for my loyal viewers. I do not want to sit here and type anything but I feel an obligation to post something and update people to what is going on in my world. The bottom line is that I’m full of myself. I currently have a big ego and I’m on top of the world. My sales trip went well and Mad River was entertaining last night. I’m thinking about heading to Deliah’s after work today which is funny because I’m wearing the same thing I wore last night. I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my usual key set but I realized at work that they were in my pocket, the one place I forgot to check. I just pretty much own right now. My ego is inflated and I don’t plan on taking any shit from anyone. In a non spiritual sense, I’m empowered. What I’ve come to realize is that I’m better. After seeing Virginia and Maryland and understanding that the Northeast is the place where people thrive, I feel part of that culture. Call me egotistical but I really believe that Philly is a great place to live and I’m proud to be raised here.

I hand wrote 4 pages of blog worthy material last night but I’m hesitant to post it because it more personal than usual. I pretty much post everything but every now and then I can get deep which might come off as weird. I was in solitude last night in a hotel room and had no distractions which was a break from the norm. I didn’t bweets bweets or get a hooker which I’m sure is what everyone thinks would happen if I’m by myself in a far out location. The only material was some Spanish channel where the girls were looking good but I didn’t have the energy. I’m still feeling good though even though last night definitely took it’s toll on me. Fortunately it’s Friday and the weekend is upcoming. If you see me over the weekend be prepared for me being a prick.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:54:10-04:00May 14th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

To last a while

I haven’t posted in a few days but not much happened over the weekend except a black out Saturday and a Rainbow Sunday. I’m sure JKash would disagree with the not much happening on Saturday part but just to give you an idea. Chad asked me what time I came back Saturday night and I replied, “I don’t know, 12:30?” Apparently his brother had told him he sent me back in a cab well after close from the bar which is not exactly on my radar but I’m sure the truth. The Rainbow Sunday is another story which I really don’t want to go into detail but the title of this post says it all.

The real reason for the title is that I am going down South on business for Wednesday and Thursday and I won’t get to post anything, so this post is going to have to last a while. I’ve let my creativity for posts slip in the last few weeks and haven’t been putting forth quality effort. There’s been a fair amount on my plate for work and I’ve been finishing up other things that I want to do instead. I caught up in the season of Treme on HBO which I think got off to a slow start but I’m intrigued enough to continue watching. I also have a few more pages in my Hunter S. Thompson biography which I’m sad to see finish. I still have money in my poker roll but haven’t been playing much. I also depleted my Bodog account by putting all my money on Machida in the UFC fight. I made a nice move on AGEN which I bought at .98 cents and watched it move upward of 1.30 today for a nice profit. This covers the losses I made on C, so that makes me happy.

That’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. It’s a little bit disheartening that I can sum up everything that I’m going through in 335 words, but that is the truth.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:53:37-04:00May 11th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments