I don’t trust dogs. They are unpredictable and I give them zero credit in terms of intelligence. Just yesterday I was running past one and the wild beast tried to take a bite out of my leg. Sometimes I gaze into their eyes and see the hamster wheel spinning. This video verifies my opinions.
Taylor Swift Camel Toe
Taylor Swift – Shake It Off
The song is about the media getting on her shit and her shaking it off. The second verse speaks to her doing her own thing and the critics don’t see that. Wild dance moves try to distract from the terrible song. That’s seriously all the substance to the song. Don’t worry, it’ll be listened to by millions of fans and brainwash everyone. I forgot to add a picture of Taylor Swift’s camel toe for SEO.
Katy Perry – This Is How We Do
Do what? I listened to the whole song and still have no idea what we are actually doing. A few of the lyrics:
Playing ping pong all night long, everything’s all neon and hazy – I find no double entendre here so we just play ping pong
This is how we do, yeah, chilling, laid back – This is pretty much not doing
Day drinking at the Wildcats, sucking real bad at Mariah Carey-oke – I’ve heard this lame joke before but can’t put my finger on it
This goes out to all you people going to bed with a ten and waking up with a two – Odd lyric.
I understand people have their own preference of music and it’s wrong to judge but these songs are so far ahead of that pop that it’s not even close. Follow my AltNation playlist for the most up to date alternative.
An inflated title but anytime you use the word advanced you garner attention. 2 simple words describe Fantasy Football’s popularity and this is a universal lesson for business 101: Gambling & Unpredictability. Nothing draws people in more than trying to guess the outcome of what is going to happen over the course of a season in order to win money and one up their buddies. It’s also a game where everyone can participate and luck plays a major factor. There is no better time of the year as drafts get started all over the country.
Don’t be fooled, TRich sucks.
There is no bigger draft disaster than having your first round pick be a dud. Doug Martin, Trent Richardson, Arian Foster, Ray Rice, and CJ Spiller were let downs last year. Tell me how many teams won their league with these players on them? The days of drafting a RB in the first round have been compromised. I’d much prefer Calvin Johnson, DeMaryius Thomas, or Jimmy Graham as my first round pick if I’m uncertain after the top 5 RB’s. You know what you are getting.
People seem to discount the later rounds but steals are a plenty. Players like Knowshon Moreno, Alshon Jeffrey, and Josh Gordon were all in the later stages of last year’s draft. Taking flyers on guys like Bishop Sankey, Kelvin Benjamin, Cordarrelle earlier than “experts” say can pay off with big returns.
Doug Martin
CJ Spiller is the perfect example of someone who is an easy RB1 if he gets the ball. Instead he splits carries with Fred Jackson and leaves tons of yards on the field. Doug Martin and DeMarco Murray fit this bill and perform with consistency if given the opportunity and avoid injury. Kendall Wright and Julian Edleman were great examples of pass catching WR at the end of last year. I’d rather have a guy who has 8 catches for 50 yards than 1 for 80.
Titus Young got arrested twice in the same day
Many people don’t understand that fantasy isn’t about winning every game. It’s about making the playoffs and letting your waiver wire prowess shine in the later weeks of the season. Having guys like JG, Ray Rice, or Dwayne Bowe at the end of the season just because they are missing the first few games makes sense. Percy Havin consistently falls in this category aside from this year.
A league commissioner put up a vote to ditch the kicker and defense positions and I’m uncertain of the argument against the positions. They score points and affect outcomes. Kansas City was one of the top ranked defenses last year and probably went undrafted in 90% of leagues. The unpredictability of this position is why you have to keep them. 2 years ago the Seahawks were playing the Cardinals with Josh Skelton at the helm. It was the first week of the playoffs and I opened up a huge lead on Bud with A Pete and Montell Owens running wild. I thought it was pretty much in the bag until Seattle went off for something like 40 points and it came down to Matthew Stafford unable to throw for 40 yards in the 4th quarter of MNF. Best win of my fantasy career. Manhandled Domination Station in the next round in case he forgot. Play the match ups.
I’m currently listening to a mix on Spotify called “Have a Great Day!”. It started with “Stayin Alive” by the Bee Gees, “I’m Gonna Be (500 miles)” by the Proclaimers, and followed by “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin. It isn’t working. The Sunday Scaries strike hard.
Sunday Scaries – The dreadful feeling on a Sunday evening after a long hard week of boozing. Regret, the shakes, having no money left in your wallet and spending the day hugging the porcelain throne are all common symptoms.
Adam introduced the phrase to me and I think we’d both agree that the scaries hit hard right before you have to go to sleep on Sunday. He’ll say that I can’t get the scaries because I don’t have a real job with a true boss but any weekend phasing into a weekday situation can bring scaries. I’ve begun to notice these weeks passing by at a moment’s notice and that scares me more than the scaries. Summer is almost over, what the fuck.
I have a few entries to write about that I was too lazy to get to this weekend so hopefully I’ll find some time to sit down. I played some golf this weekend and played pretty good which will bring some pressure to put down some low rounds before the season ends. I was able to shoot a 79 in a tournament structure that varied which tee-boxes you tee off from which makes the score unofficial. I was 86 the day before though on a tougher course. I also added 2 NFL pre-season bets on the Patriots and Panthers to push my pre-season record to 4-0. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Aside from that blip in excitement, I don’t have much doing.
Ziggy Stardust
David Bowie is a different genius. He is a brilliant character who is calculated in his performance. He wanted to be a catalyst for music and was thoroughly artificial in doing so. I watched his documentary on Showtime called David Bowie: 5 Years and it brings insight into an “Advanced Genius” by highlighting his 5 best years.
What I liked about Bowie is that he was himself by not being himself. He created these personas and it’s hard to know if they were the real David Bowie or an impostor. The guy to the right is not David Bowie, it’s Ziggy Stardust. Bowie wrote a song about a rock and roll singer who becomes famous and this character is named Ziggy Stardust. Amazingly, this character became popular and did Ziggy become famous or David Bowie?
This lead me to start questioning the cliched phrase, “be yourself”. Was Bowie himself? Sort of. His characters weren’t him but he was artificially creating them. Drugs also played a major role in who David Bowie was. Young Bowie did a ton of drugs and made dozens of hits. Old Bowie got off the drugs and was just as good if not better song writer. Are you yourself on drugs?
[dropcap background=”yes” color=”#333333″]The minute you know you’re on safe ground, you’re dead[/dropcap]
Present Day Bowie
Bowie also collaborated with other artists to bring out music that was unique to his time period. Critics say he stole music from others such as Lou Reed and Iggy Pop but this is untrue. Improving what others are doing is commonplace in the industry. By altering what other people are having success doing and creating your own version is smart. Bowie also embraced technology and created hits throughout every decade.
The greatest weapon in Bowie’s arsenal was that he knew what he wanted. He had an immense talent of knowing exactly what he wanted to produce and then did so. It was his vision that he would create and this is why that anyway you look at it, he was still himself even when he wasn’t. Everything was Bowie’s creation. Having your own unique vision is what separates the great from the best. How good is your vision?
The most egregious department the city has.
I hate the Philadelphia Water Department. Most people in Philly hate the PPA but the water department is more vicious and far more subtle. What I’m going to show you is considered rape in most parts of the nation but somehow the city gets away with it. Here are 5 bills from ’10, ’11, ’12, ’13, and ’14 and how they have dramatically increased due to the city’s need for money.
2010 PWD Bill
2010 – 2 out of our 6 building were being charge a storm water charge for $4.14. Only 1 building is actually charged for the use of the water which is on a separate bill. For whatever reason the city decided in this year that they weren’t making enough money from the water department.
2011 PWD Water Bill
2011 – The price of the storm water charge has doubled. They are still only billing 2 of the 6 buildings. We have 6 buildings that all use the same storm water drain. It’s uncertain if this was a mistake by the water department or if times were a changing.
2012 PWD Water Bill
2012 – Storm water charge has gone up another $4 dollars a month to more than $12. All 6 buildings are now being charged. That’s 4 more buildings being charged the storm water charge. The balance is high because during the transition from billing 2 buildings instead of 6, they were sending no bills. Due to their negligence this allowed them to charge a PENALTY for late payment. This is the start of the city cashing in on an outrageous storm water charge.
2013 PWD Water Bill
2013 – Same circumstance as the previous year. Thanks for one year of consistency. I assume they knew citizens were getting tired of a monthly increase. The city decided to play nice for a year before it started laying down the hammer.
2014 PWD Water Bill
2014 – Price of the storm water charge is now another $5 dollars higher. They now send 6 bills every month but I would too if my cost was $.48 and I was able to charge $18 dollars for the same thing. Enough is enough.
It never ends with these guys. The cost of using the storm water drain has increased 400% in the last 5 years. We now pay over 1,000 dollars a year to use the city’s storm water drain. This doesn’t even include the USE of the water. Give me other services where citizens put up with this nonsense. Why is this not a monopoly? There are no other choices. This is outrageous and somebody needs to stand up to this unreasonable means of billing customers. Pass this on if you feel the same way and that it’s time to stand up to the city.
Like so many other great stories, this one begins with a mysterious contact case. The previous week I had left behind my standard case in Atlantic City leaving me using one of the optometrists demo cases. The problem with these cases is that they are too shallow and the contact sits too close to where the case closes. Yesterday morning as I reached into the case to retrieve the contact, a jagged edge of my finger nail ripped the contact. This not only happened with one contact, but both. I was befuddled as this is an event that rarely happens. I installed a new pair of contacts and set off on the day.
Like magic, as I returned from the day there was a contact case awaiting me. I had previously saw it at the top of my steps days previous but hadn’t thought much of it. Now was the perfect time to use this mysterious case. Last night as I was getting ready to turn in I opened the case to find it full of crust. I ran it under water and cleaned it out he best I could. I put my solution in, placed the contacts in, and went to the sleep.
This morning I opened the case to find a congealed state of affairs. I barely know what congeals means but there was this jelly that had formed in the case with the contacts immersed in it. It was pretty gross but I wasn’t giving up a brand new pair of contacts. I cleaned off the jelly, put the contacts in my eyes, and cleaned the case out one more time. As each contact went into my eye, it was like a lightning bolt hitting the tip of my eyeball. They felt amazing touching my eyes. This differs from the one previous encounter I had with using the wrong formula (my mom’s hard contact solution) that burned my eyes for a good 12 hour period. My brain was spinning.
How many people stumble upon life’s mysteries without even trying. What if the combination of the mystery case’s previous solution and my solution created a cure for bad eye sight? I was amazed when my case had jelly in it this morning. This makes me want to start combining all sorts of products and become a real scientist. Toothpaste and shampoo. Toilet bowl cleaner and mouthwash. The possibilities are endless. Never stop exploring.
So I thought of this great new challenge to raise awareness for people who burn their hands on pans that are too hot to touch without an oven mitt. Millions, maybe even billions, of people are burnt each year by pans that don’t cool instantly. I’m asking people to participate in the hot pan challenge which is when you place your hand on a hot pan for a minimum of 100 seconds. If you can’t do it, you have to donate $100 dollars to me.
What will I do with this money you ask? It will go to research a new formula for making a pan that doesn’t get hot. I know what your thinking, if the pan doesn’t get hot, how does it cook. It doesn’t. However, this will ensure that no one gets burned. With the money left over from the research, I’ll shovel it back into the hospital bills that were created through this challenge. Post the videos on this site.
Now tell me this isn’t for real?
In all seriousness, I read some post from a Facebook friend who said to just donate the money you spent on a bag of ice to ALS. After some further review, this challenge has raised 1.25 million dollars in 2 weeks. *I pray to god the hot pan challenge does this well*. Even though I find the entire process of pouring ice over your head idiotic, all in a ploy to not have to donate $100 dollars which I don’t understand, it was more creative than most fundraising efforts. Either way, I don’t care. Read Gourlay’s post on the 4 types of people in the world. I donate enough of my money to the city of Philadelphia that I’m tapped out.
Here was the rant that made me come up with the Hot Pan Challenge:
To paraphrase an article headline that captures exactly how I feel about you dumb assholes out there: “what if you took the money you spent on that bag of ice, and simply donated it directly to ALS research?” I tend to be a contrarian and hate a lot of these kinds of fads in general, but this one really grinds my gears. Don’t hide behind some disease that you didn’t care about 2 weeks ago. don‘t pretend to care about awareness because you want to show off your new bathing suit. Donate your time or your money instead of this stupid bullshit. You’re not drawing attention to any disease, just yourself. Most disgusting is that because your selfish, you’ll justify that this is your version of charity. This is not charity. Go onto ALS website and donate.. That’s charity. Disclaimer: I still like a lot of you who i have seen do the ice bucket challenge, and some of you may be charitable anyway, but seriously with this ice bucket thing, go fuck yourselves. that is my first and last rant of 2014… if you disagree with any of this you can just unfriend me… but don’t forget to go fuck yourself in the process.
A response to this rant:
These “assholes” helped raise $1.25 million in less than 2 weeks with our pathetic attempts for attention.
Although I enjoyed your sweet rant, you’ve got to realize what a hypocritical idiot you sound like by using a social media platform as a podium to take the most cynical stance on a great cause to raise awareness/donations for ALS.
But bravo, good sir. You’ve managed to receive more likes and comments than the average, attention seeking asshole who posted an Ice Bucket Challenge video.
Next time try reporting on a good article.
http://www.nbcnews.com/
Don’t ever try to find fault in charity. I’ve called out every single person who read this post so let’s start either burning or donating.
After reading Sam’s latest weekend post I thought to myself how similar this was to my early 20’s. Drinking, going out, passing out, waking up, repeat. This is typical and what you should be doing. Have as much fun as possible with as few responsibilities because it won’t last.
My weekend consisted of watching the Eagles preseason game with a buddy, leaving at halftime, watching Hard Knocks on HBO and going to sleep. Waking up at 7:30, getting breakfast, participating in a drinking kickball tournament, hanging out a bit and falling asleep at 7:30 pm. I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and went for a run, played some basketball, and finished the day reading the Goldfinch. This was much more laid back than years previous and I actually enjoyed it more.
The last sentence is where I’ll shed some insight. I’ve done the going out scene since I was 21. That’s 9 years of pre-gaming to hit up bars drunk. I do enjoy it but I’ve seen everything bars have to offer. Combine this with the horrible feeling of exacerbating hangovers that I wasn’t accustomed to in my early 20’s and this combination is tired to me. Hangovers now actually prevent me from enjoying activities the next day and even subsequent days. Times are changing.
What has happened to me is that I’m working more than ever. I look back at how much I knew at 21, when I first started, and what I know now and I wasn’t ready to make anything happen at work. To those who don’t know me that well, I’m not a 9-5 guy with a salary, I work for a family business where you take out how much you put in. Over the years of learning how to deal with other people and how to target markets with our products, I’m leaps and bounds ahead of younger me . Everyday is important and I can’t be held back by feeling like shit for 2 days because I was out late partying (although I still do to a certain extent).
This is probably described as maturity but a dramatic life perspective also comes with age. When Robin Williams died yesterday it wasn’t Robin Williams dying for me. The headline could have read “famous comedian” died. There are 7+ billion people on this planet and he is only one. I’d be shocked if more than half a billion people were affected by his death. People act like they have no idea how they are going to get on without Robin Williams in the world. Trust me, you will.
A final understanding I’ve picked up is that everyone cares about them self first and foremost. That’s not saying people aren’t good but this rule gives insight into every action made by someone. 99% of people think this way. Too many days are spent worrying about what other people think and allowing this to affect your life. The reality of the situation is that you’ll die one day just like everyone else and who knows when it’s coming. Ask Kevin Ward. This is life. Live it anyway that you want but know that time keeps passing and it’s the most precious gift on this earth. Wasting it is the biggest travesty.
Twitter blows up when famous people die. It’s actually a fascinating way of seeing how popular the source is reporting the info. Take a look at the favorites and re-tweets from these big named twitter accounts. I can’t explain it but I feel such a disconnect from these people dying that it doesn’t come off as incredibly important news to me.
Robin Williams was pronounced dead this afternoon at the age of 63 in an apparent suicide: http://t.co/y77hpMlhxA
— Rolling Stone (@RollingStone) August 12, 2014
Ughhh…I’m so sad #RobinWilliams — Erin Andrews (@ErinAndrews) August 11, 2014
Absolutely stunned to hear the news about Robin Williams. It's unimaginable to me that we've lost such a genuinely funny and sweet man.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 12, 2014
His heart was as big as his genius. So sad. Rest in Peace Robin Williams.
— bob saget (@bobsaget) August 11, 2014
I could not be more stunned by the loss of Robin Williams, mensch, great talent, acting partner, genuine soul.
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) August 11, 2014
