We Don't Walk Slow

30 Mar, 2011

The gift that keeps giving

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-30T14:13:48-04:00March 30th, 2011|My Life|2 Comments

The first line of my last post was saying that I do this blog out of the kindness of my heart and I absolutely do. This blog has generated $3.36 over the past 2 years. Not only do I pay for hosting of this site, but I also pay for my brothers site as well. He’d offer to give me money but I wouldn’t accept it. So I got my bill today for hosting another 2 years and it’s 8 bucks a month x 24 months with some other miscellaneous charges totaling 200 bucks or so. So when I pay this bill I realize that this is the reason not everyone maintains a blog. Basically, you have to put forth effort for 2 continuous years, receive no money, and be happy with the result. Sure there are free sites that host blogging but they can’t be taken seriously. You have to buy your own domain name to make it legit.

Am I complaining about this bill? Absolutely not. I’m well aware that I most likely won’t receive any compensation for this effort. Am I complaining that I have to pay another 20 bucks for going over my data plan for those video’s I posted yesterday without even thinking that was happening. Nope. I’m just going to pay the bill and 10-50 years down the road I’m going to know that this was the best investment I’ve ever made in my entire life. To have documentation of all the events of your life for years and years is something that no one can put a price on. Hell, I’d probably pay 1,000 bucks a year for this service. There is no price tag that I could put on this experience. My viewership has climbed over the past two years and I’m hoping that it continues to climb in the future.

The only part of this that makes it unrewarding is the lack of comments. It’s hard to say how many people are actually reading this because half the people that come to the site bounce anyway. But spending time creating posts, having people read them, and then 90% of the posts have 0 comments makes it seem like a waste of time. Even if you read the post and you completely disagree or you think the post sucks, even saying that makes me feel like it’s worth it. Maintaining a blog without feedback makes you fee like a used prostitute, except what I”m doing is actually free, actually it costs me money. So this is hardly a call out and asking for more comments but just know that any comment is essentially paying me for my service. I will try to keep this ad free for as long as possible.

On a life related note, I went to the Dr and he said my ankle was OK and I don’t need the crutches and can get around with the boot or even just my shoe. The Doc is funny because he’s an older guy who acts like each time I see him is my first time. He hasn’t done a thing to the ankle other then letting it heal on it’s on, prety cush job if you ask me. So after hearing that good news I went to get a haircut, then I went to Sam’s club for food shopping, then I even went to the gym where I did 10 minutes on the elliptical. Jeff says the elliptical is mostly for pregnant women and I agree but it’s the only thing I can do. The posture the machine makes you take is really bizarre and bothersome but I’m hoping to start going to the gym twice a day and getting myself back into shape now that I actually can again. My strength was down a little bit at the gym and my weight came in at 172 which was on the low side for me but I was just happy to be back. Life is good Ladies and Germs and I hope to move back into my normal lifestyle in the near term. The only goal I have set is to do the Broad Street the first week of May. I know this is pretty lofty but after 24 days I’m able to almost walk normally and with the help of the elliptical, hopefully I will be in good enough shape to do the 10 miles successfully. I know you’re thinking how can someone fracture their ankle and then run a 10 mile run 2 months later but how easily forget this isn’t a normal human being your dealing with, I’m TC motherfucking Stortz.

29 Mar, 2011

Ambler Bball – Team Bake

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:58:01-04:00March 29th, 2011|My Life|2 Comments

I want to start this post with letting everyone know that I did this out of the goodness of my heart and not because I wanted to. I could have taken the footage and left it on my phone but I went out of my way to upload everything to YouTube and then post it on my blog so we can look back at these days and laugh. I also want to give my phone the Droid X mad props for how good this footage is. If this doesn’t make you want to get a Droid X over any other phone out there, I don’t know what will.

In this video you’ll notice Jka$h wave his arm in the air demanding the ball for a clear look at a 3. I think a bug must of flown in his eye or something.

A corner 3 by Evan barely catches iron and a Bake tip keeps the ball alive where Jeff finishes for a strong put back.

Evan with his notorious pump fake gets the defender in the air, he then proceeds to drive to the hole and find Bake with a hook shot pass that no one in the gym saw coming.

JKa$h runs the break and finds a streaking Casey who I told ahead of time to throw one down, instead puts in an easy bucket.

On a play where the team uses 4 passes to find an open man and actually makes it look they know what their doing, SharpShooting Schmidt knocks down a trey.

Bake takes on two defenders that part like the Red Sea for the easy lay up.

Just a few notes on the game. The other team was god awful and picked up a player who was hanging around the gym for their 5th. They also had a 40 year old balding man and another one who was starting to gray. Footage where baskets are being made like this probably isn’t the norm. I wasn’t even planning to do anything like this but once I started taking some film, the footage was so good that I had to post it up here. Also, I know the footage I took of JKa$h making it rain got corrupted so I couldn’t post that (thanks Sharon). Also I’m sure CK4 is probably pissed I don’t have anything of him but I only have one shot of him missing a 3 and I tried to send it to my email 5 times and couldn’t get it to go properly. If it comes through, I’ll post it up.

29 Mar, 2011

Hayden is a Doll

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:22:28-04:00March 29th, 2011|Celeb|0 Comments

I recently watched a preview from Scream 4 and noticed that Hayden Panettiere was in it. She had a funky haircut which can be scene* by the picture above. She is seriously a fine, fine looking female. She’s 21 years of age and even though she looks like she’s 15 and 4-6, I’m not a pedophile for making this entry. I read her Wikipedia page from start to finish and I just want to point out some highlights. She was the little girl in Remember the Titans, some cheerleader on Heroes (never seen), and Beth Cooper in I love you Beth Cooper (I saw about 15 minutes of this pos). I’m not really posting this because of her illustrious career but mainly because she’s really hot.

Aside from being really hot, and that bizarre hairstyle in the picture, this is the real reason I posted this. Her “partner” is Wladimir Klitscho. For those who have no idea who this is, here’s a picture:

He’s 6-6, 240 and has a 55-3 professional record in boxing. This guy is a beast. Let’s also mention that he’s 35 years old. Now the first thing that comes to my mind is how can 4ft 6in Hayden get penetrated by this beast? Honestly what is this girl thinking. I just don’t understand how her brain works. Out of the 3 billion men on the planet, a complete hottie like Hayden finds the Heavyweight Champion of the world to bang. She’s 21, can probably get any guy on the planet and a Russian giant is her choice. He’s probably a fantastic guy but how on Earth does Wladimir decide that he wants to date Hayden, and then actually have it work out! Seriously this guy is either Don Juan, Cassanova or an extreme combo of the two. I just sit here and come to the understanding that if girls like Hayden go for guys like Wladimir, I better start hitting the gym night and day for the next 10 years

28 Mar, 2011

Alt Music out now

By Tom Stortz|2011-04-04T17:27:40-04:00March 28th, 2011|Music|0 Comments

A couple of alternative songs that are very good right now. Just use this as your playlist for a small amount of time and let me know if my selections are worthy of being posted. And yes these are all alt nation songs on Sirius but this is what I listen to so that’s how I know they are good.

Pandora played me this, from 2009.

28 Mar, 2011

The inverse relationship

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-28T17:28:11-04:00March 28th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

Some of the funniest ideas are found by the inverse relationship. When comparing the Princeton to Ocean Drive (bars down the shore), Baker once said that he liked the Princeton because the girls were much hotter and not as dirty. This sounds good in theory but here is where the inverse relationship comes in. The hotter the girl, the less chance we have of talking to her, let alone scoring. As the girl’s get uglier, the chances begin to get higher and finding that balance is the kicker. This relationship works in many ways. Generally I* hold this to be true with wits and beauty. A time tested fact is that the more attractive someone is, the dumber they are. Dweebs and nerds don’t have the looks but solve the world’s problems and gorgeous looking people can’t screw in a lightbulb, but at least they look good doing it. Now that you understand the concept I’ll explain a few other notable inverse relationships.

The more someone talks, the less they have to say. Generally the talking people are good at talking because they can talk about anything and make it seem important. Now this isn’t a bad thing because if you have two people who neither like to talk, well, you’ll just sit there not talking. I personally don’t mind the talkers and even prefer it over people who don’t. I feel like they provide more entertainment and make life better and easier. I’m sure some people can get annoyed at people who talk too much but I have rarely found someone who bothers me by talking excessively. I should probably talk more myself but even when I’m not trying to talk a lot I still say some bonehead things from time to time. Imagine how much more this would be multiplied if I was constantly talking. To quote Lincoln, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

The length of your shorts should determine how much respect you deserve. The longer your shorts, the less respect. Short shorts and you’ll be noticed by everyone when you enter a room. If you don’t agree just ask Stockton and Malone. Gangstas, thugs, and wannabe’s on the basketball court are where you’ll find shorts that seam* like pants but shouldn’t be confused. I can hardly ever think of a situation where long shorts fit in and can be taken seriously. If I had to make an assessment, I’d say the knee cap is the cut off. At that point you are a 0. I personally find it uncomfortable to wear shorts that short and will never demand much respect from anyone in the summertime. I’m considering abandoning all cargo pants shorts and moving into regular khakis. This is because Baker looked down on me on the golf course and country clubs frowned on cargos.

The more tattoo’s on your body, the less serious people take you. I have to believe that this reigns true in corporate world. People running millions and billions of dollar companies can’t be walking around with huge tattoos all over their body, they wouldn’t fit in. Investors don’t want to see a wild man with ink all over their body doing what he pleases with their loot. Let’s look at the BirdMan. You think the Birdman is holding corporate meetings and talking about how the company did last year?

No the Birdman is lucky to be 7ft tall and will never have to work another day in his life so he does what he wants. It’s a carefree mentality like I can do whatever I want and no one is going to stop me. This attitude stereotypes people with tons of tattoos and thus my reasoning on the more tattoos you have, the less serious people will take you. I’ve never had a tattoo either so I can be completely off based and 99% of the world has tattoos but they just are always covered up. It’s hard to have a blog and then make middling judgments. It’s better to pick a side and go all the way.

27 Mar, 2011

Talking bout’ my Generation

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-27T23:28:19-04:00March 27th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

The title of this post is a lyric from a song by The Who just to give everyone some music knowledge. I just want to go over previous generations and then what it’s looking like for our generation. The time period between 1900-1924 is known as the G.I generation because of WW1 and I don’t think they did much other than fight. From 25-45, the Silent Generation which consisted of main events like WW2 and the Great Depression. 46-64, Baby Boomers which Tom Brokaw coined the Greatest Generation. 1965-1979, Generation X which when compared with previous generations, Generation X represents a more heterogeneous generation, exhibiting great variety. They are diverse in such aspects as race, class, religion, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. 1980-2000 is the Millennials or Generation Y which is marked by an increased use and familiarity with communications, media, and digital technologies. Finally, 2000-Present is the New Silent Generation or Generation Z. I don’t have a problem with any of their names but I do have my own name for what I believe the current generation should be called, Generation Ad.

Now this doesn’t stand for AD like after death, it’s stands for Ad like advertisement. Our world is run by ads. Millions of jobs are created by people making ads. You need people to come up with the idea for the ad. People to create the ad. People to make sure the Ad finds the right people. People to track the ad’s success. Our world revolves around the ad. I believe that the Ad has become the most important part of our society that our entire generation should be named after it.

How does the economy work? People find a product or service that has demand, then they offer or sell it. How do they let people know about their product or service, Ads. The reason the Ad is so useful is because everyone wins. Let’s take the Superbowl commercials. A network buys the rights to a huge event watched by a hundred million people, then they sell commercial space for millions of dollars. The broadcast company wins for selling space and the companies win because they promote their name and product to a hundred million people. In the 1980’s and 1990’s TV, along with billboards and radios, were the main outlets of advertising. Welcome the internet.

I can’t stand internet Ads. I’m not talking about pop-ups so much as I am video ads. When you watch a show on Hulu you get a big fat ad to start the show and then 3 more just like TV. When I try to watch a video on Failblog they have the audacity to show a 30 second ad for Ax body wash before a nitwit hits himself in the balls with a skateboard that lasts 10 seconds. People put banners all over sites to generate revenue as their MAIN SOURCE OF INCOME. All this advertising is such a waste on me because I can’t even remember the product that’s being sold near all the time. Who buys this shit they are selling? The Ad has taking over the world and it’s literally everywhere. Every moment of every day is somebody, somewhere trying to sell you something. You can’t go your entire day with out an advertisement for something. You think in 1930 they were worrying about what brand of Shampoo they were going to buy? The way people promote items and market goods has driven the way we live our life.

The way Ads effect how you look or think has shaped us into who we are today. Is there a difference in the shoe MJ puts his name behind and the shoe Kobe markets? No, they are both made in China by 12 year olds. But when Kobe is throwing it down in his Zoom Kobe IV’s, you’re sold. Do I buy Geico because I like the funny talking lizard or should I buy Allstate because I want to be protected by David Palmer (24 joke). Fifty years ago you bought something because it was only down the street. Now you have hundreds of alternatives and it’s up to the advertisers of the world to sell you what you need. It’s really a sick and twisted world if you think about it. Ad’s are dollar signs to companies. Companies don’t work without Ads and I believe that the Ad has become one of the most important trademarks of this era.

27 Mar, 2011

Optimisim

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-27T15:08:35-04:00March 27th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

Today is a good day to quote Ice Cube. I woke up and started walking around on both legs with no assistance. Although there is a little hitch when walking off my left leg, I can now fit back into society like a normal human being. This has probably been a good experience for me because it makes me want to come back better. I just spent the last 3 weeks doing virtually nothing. Waking up, going to work, coming home, go to sleep. That was it for 3 weeks. Not fun. I literally never left to get anything and only filled my tank up with gas once. Aside from the doctors office, that was it. Once I’m able to run again I’m going to have to work hard to get myself back into shape. Basically I have to supergize my efforts to try to make up for my bad habits acquired while injured. I literally housed stacks of oreo’s, bags of cheese curls, and ate anything left over in the apartment. I feel like a total waste of a human being but starting today, that’s about to change.

You really take things for granted when you have them. Even stupid things like changing the light in my bathroom is a challenge that doesn’t get down when I can’t walk. The simplest tasks become undoable and I’m happy that finally over. Today I woke up and cleaned the bathroom. Later today I’m going to clean my room and feel like I made a fresh start. My body is in way worst shape now then when I was hurt. There’s a nerve in my right arm, right where I was crutching around, that goes off anytime I bend my arm back too far. My fingers feel like they have arthritis and I have this pimple on my nose that has been there for 3 weeks. I’ve run out of toothpaste and body wash so I’m finally able to go to the store and buy some more. The timing worked out well thankfully. My showering was way down over past weeks so hopefully that will pick up too. I feel reborn.

One good thing about the whole experience has been my poker playing. I took down another 12 dollar 180 man yesterday. I also made deep runs in a 114 buying (586 people, I took 20th) and a 55 dollar buy in (2600 people I got 175th). I’ve been saying it for weeks now that I’m due for a big cash so I think today is my day. I played all day yesterday and probably all day today. Even though I can walk, I still don’t want to do any additional damage to the leg. I can say that it’s been 3 full weeks and I’m still not fully healed. Even a super human like me takes a few weeks to heal from a break. First broken bone ever in my 27 years on Earth.

25 Mar, 2011

DownSwing

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-25T13:21:04-04:00March 25th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

I’ve encountered my first major downswing after 3 weeks of only poker. This is due mostly to bad bankroll management and the initial strategy changes implemented by SNGWiz. I went about 300 bucks to downside yesterday. capped off by a 78 dollar SNG loss. I’ve saved myself a few times in recent history with big scores negating lots of losses but yesterday wasn’t happening. I notice my focus lacking a little but I hope to pick up this weekend back on the right track.

I’m still hobbled and have no weekend plans. I’m able to walk around ok with the boot on but I can still feel some weakness when I try to walk without it. I’m hoping some resting time over the weekend will come in handy. I have some games to watch over the weekend for entertainment but the Jimmer and Duke’s loss pretty much ruined my brackets and any shot at WINNING. I have a couple of bucks in my bodog account to bet so I’m sure I’ll put that in action this weekend.

I have a Dr’s appointment next which I’m hoping will be the end of this walking boot and find me in normal sneaker. I just need to be able to get around like a normal human being and not feel handicapped. Doing anything in public makes me feel embarrassed just because. Ck4 wanted to get food and I would feel like a tard doing the Crip walk up and down aisles. So once this is over I’m happy to get back to normal things even if that just involves walking around. Once I can run again I will get myself back into shape because I’ve been feeling like such a lazy, fat ass. I feel like I’ve written this post before but I don’t do any new activities and I just go two places, home and work. Not a lot of events transpire and that makes blogging difficult. Oh well, it’s almost over.

25 Mar, 2011

I was banging 7 gram rocks…

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:56:32-04:00March 25th, 2011|Celeb|0 Comments

I know this video has been out for a couple of weeks now approaching 16 million views but I think this has become my favorite song. I remember watching it a few weeks ago and thinking it was pretty cool but now I just listen to it to motivate me. The lyrics crack me up and it’s pretty hard to hear some parts so I added them below. My favorite line is “I’m on a quest.” Reminds me of the Final Fantasy days. I just wanted to post this to make sure everyone is aware of this and to partake in its awesomeness.

Charlie Sheen – Winning Song Lyrics:
“Ehh.. ya… I… I… I… I’m on a drug called Charlie Sheen
It’s not available, if you try it once you will die
Your face will melt off
And your children will weep over your exploded body (over your exploded body)

You love to party?
What’s not to love?
The run I was on made Jagger and Richards look like
Droopy eyed armless children
That’s how I party
That’s how I party

I was bangin 7 gram rocks, that’s how I roll – winning
I have one gear: GO – epic winning
Are you bipolar?
I’m bi-winning
Win here, win there, win win everywhere

Absolute Victory.
I’m on a quest.
Right every single wroooong.

I’m a total frigging rock star from mars – winning
Come on brah’, I got tiger blood – winning
You borrow my brain and you’re like “DUDE, CAN’T HANDLE IT!”
Win here, win there, win win everywhere

(Songify dude) I’ve got a list — help me sort this
From the epic win to the desperately winless

Chicken nuggets – WINNING
Bubblegum – WINNING
Pretending to text to avoid someone – EPIC WINNING
Slow dancing – WINNING
Slow pantsing – WINNING
Breakin the rules of the Geneva conventions – WEAK

Adonis blood – WINNING
Violent love – WINNING
Givin needy women caresses and hugs – EPIC WINNING
Childbirth – WINNING
Colin Firth -WINNING
Tinky Winky’s purse………duh, WINNING, WINNING

I was bangin 7 gram rocks, that’s how I roll – winning
I have one gear: GO – epic winning
Are you bipolar?
I’m bi-winning
Win here, win there, win win everywhere

I’m a total frigging rock star from mars – winning
Come on brah’, I got tiger blood – winning
You borrow my brain and you’re like “DUDE, CAN’T HANDLE IT!”
Win here, win there, win win everywhere

24 Mar, 2011

First Ever Guest Entry

By Tom Stortz|2011-03-24T14:29:18-04:00March 24th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

First ever guest entry here.

I’m going to say that I almost took JSmashes critiques as a complement. First he’s telling me he gets this website and then almost goes out of his way to say he likes it! Exclamation point, no homo. He said he tried to send the entry to me on Monday but my mail server blocked his gmail and he resent it today. He also pointed out it was ironic I was asking for guest material as he already thought he sent it in. This is how big things get started. We can quote the famous line from Wedding Crashers “people helping people.” One person can’t do it all and the more material the higher the success rate. And just to respond to me “getting cocky” by creating the other website because people love all my spew. Absolutely 100% agree. Nobody can resist my spew, especially the ladies.

Off topic but related to my life. I took 7th place in a 900 person tourny last night and cashed for 400+ bucks. First place was 2k and my AT < Q9 to send me off in 7th. Play to win. These results aren't a fluke and this is my 4th deep run in a big tourny in the last 2 weeks and hopefully I will bring one down for a nice score in near time. When I do I am going to spend large sums of money on objects with no value and have the time of my life doing it. I will let you know when this happens and everyone can join in. Til then.