We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

DOW Drops 500 Points

Days like this used to make me mad and sad. Not anymore.

Here’s my little story on why I hate the stock market even though I’m a finance major and actually went to school so I could defeat it. Back in ’07, I had worked for 2 years straight and my dad was overpaying me for my abilities. I had 0 expenses. Like literally 0. I lived at home. Drove my parents cars. Ate their food. 0. I amassed close to 40k in those two years of saving.

I read a book called the “greatest investment book in the world”, or something to that effect, and it suggested to put 1/3 of your allotted investment money in the Vanguard Total Stock market index, 1/3 in the international fund, and 1/3 in the bond fund. Minimal expense funds. I took all of that money and did as was suggested. In ’08 the stock market crashed. In a short period of time (~1 year) my 40k was worth 20k. It’s easy to look at a historic chart and say, “well stick with it, it will come back.” The Dow dropped all the way to 7k (it’s at 16k now) and there were talks that the entire financial system could collapse. In periods of time like that, you think the market is going to 0, not going back to 10k.

I ended up selling and taking a 20k loss. Since that period of time I was so soured by the market that I missed the entire recovery and have sat on the sidelines since. To this day I dabble with small plays but nothing like I did before. My financial adviser who oversees my retirement fund thinks I’m an idiot. It’s days like these that I remember why I don’t miss the action. I miss all the gains and I miss all the losses. Today is just another day to me.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-15T13:17:42-05:00January 15th, 2016|My Life|1 Comment

TC After Dentist

I’m always this happy in the chair.

I visit the dentist every 6 months. I get a new hygienist to clean my teeth every time because I am not particular who does the job so I get scheduled with whoever is open. Since I have a revolving door of people looking at my teeth, I get a new opinion on what I should be doing each visit. This time was no different.

I made a 7am appointment so it doesn’t interfere with my work. I use a dentist that I’ve used since I was a kid and travel to the burbs to go. I got there a few minutes early and sat in the parking lot until it opened. While I was in the parking lot a person taps on my window and asks if this was the only lot for the dentist. Wat? I said it was and she told me she was a temp and wanted to make sure she was in the right place.

I entered at 6:58 and I waited in the waiting room for 15 minutes. I was a bit confused because I was the first person, got there on time, and still had to wait. When I was put into the chair, I was met with the parking lot woman. Wonderful.

The woman was 40 or so and we start off by her giving me protective eye wear. I looked at the eye wear, looked at her, started laughing, and put on my sunglasses to have my teeth cleaned. Then she said, “I’ve got a runny nose, tis the season.” Then she blew her nose and washed her hands. When you’re not sick, the last people you want to be around are sick people. Comforting. She gets to work and asks me how often I floss which I said 4-5 times. She said, “you know it’s supposed to be 7 right?” Then she gave me a mirror and showed me how to floss properly. This was all going on while she rested her boobs on my head as she cleaned my teeth. I think she was purposely doing it because she would say, “lean more to the side,” then plant them in my face.

This is how Curb Your Enthusiasm’s are created. I would never be able to go to the dentist have them clean my teeth and leave without a story. For what it’s worth, the actual dentist is really normal.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-15T09:51:10-05:00January 15th, 2016|My Life|0 Comments

Making a Murderer

I binge watched Making a Murderer in a 3 day blitz last week. I was hooked immediately by the plight of Steve Avery and his interaction with the Manitowoc police county. If you haven’t watched it, this post will spoil your fun because I’m going to give my candid thoughts on my feelings throughout. Repeat, don’t read if you haven’t watched it and want to. Also, Serial should stop because this was 100x better. I will be watching Jynx.

Where is the Blood? How’d the Key Get there?

Oh look, There’s a key there after 3 months of searching.

Steve Avery shot Teresa Halbach in the head and managed to produce hardly any blood at the crime scene in a garage that had 1,000 items in it. You’d think some blood would find its way somewhere on an item. Steve’s blood in the car is also mysterious because prosecution is saying it is coming from a cut on his hands, yet there are no fingerprints anywhere, which means he was wearing gloves, which makes getting blood anywhere challenging. The inconsistency of the blood alone is mysterious.

The key is so absurd that I don’t even know where to being. It’s lying right on the floor. The explanation is that a bureau shifted and it fell into sight. It has only Avery’s DNA on it and it was being used by Halbach for all her life. How does this even happen?

Mike “the total idiot” Halbach

100% Fake cry

Talk about the person I hated the most. The critical time when I knew he was a shithead was when he said that Branden was guilty without even watching the interrogation. Mike knows more than just that his sister was killed. He is caught up in this conspiracy and I want to punch him right in the face every time he takes the screen.

These Judges and the State of Wisconsin

The Idiot Judge Willis

Judge Willis should be judged on his being a judge. I’ve never thought so many times is this guy for real making this ruling? This is our judicial system? He’s supposed to be the most honest and fair person and I’m not sure he’d beat Brendan in chess.

After watching the interrogation of Brendan, (this isn’t judge Willis) the judge ruled that the confession was obtained lawfully. This is hard to believe for any normal person. It took Branden giving the judge a confession of what really happened that day to make “some” charges go away. The State also ruled that Brendan had to keep Kachinsky as his lawyer when Brenden clearly says his lawyer “thinks he’s guilty.” It’s like they say that we take him seriously when he “confesses” but we don’t take him seriously when he wants to get rid of our shill. To talk about the caption to the right is also hilarious. They made up the test and the judge allowed it. LOL!.

Len the Pawn

Funniest character on the show. That’s how I would phrase Len Kachinsky. The State had to be cracking up to themselves how they found the perfect person for this part. How about the time when he started his press conference and had to restart? Or his perfectly combed hair? Think about what he did. He allowed Brenden to be interrogated without his presence. Then he hired his own private investigator to get a statement out of Brendan. This guy had no interest in protecting his client and was a shill for the State. His 2016 statement, is that he may have made a mistake.

He would have confessed after 18 years!

This is the part of why I believe Steve Avery. He could have been released from prison in a shorter period of time if he confessed. He went 18 years without confessing and then was found innocent. That’s 18 years of him saying he didn’t do it and then not actually doing it. His murder trial was more of the same, “I didn’t do it.” With all of the evidence piled up against Steve, I felt there was more evidence piled up against the State. Steve was once again saying he didn’t do it, and call me and idiot, but I believe him.

When You Actually Frame the Person You Are Framing

Interrogating Brendan

C’mon now. You’re making this hard on us. Be honest. Just a few lines you hear repeatedly from the investigators. This next line of questioning is great.

I: Something with her head. Brendan? What did he make you do? We know he made you do something else. What was it? We have the evidence. We just need you to be honest.
B: That he cut off her hair?
I: What else?
B: That he punched her?
I: What else?
B: He cut her?
I: Where?
B: On her throat?
I: What else happens? Extremely, Extremely important that you tell us this. We know, we just need you to tell us.
B: That’s all I can remember.
I: Who shot her in the head?
B: He did.
I: Why didn’t you tell us that? Now you remember it?
B:… I have a question. Do you think I will be out before 1:29? I have a project due.

“Brendan Dassey’s convictions are entirely based on his confessions, as no physical evidence was found confirming his statements or linking him to the homicide.” This is what infuriates the public.

Ken Kratz – Snake of Snakes

This Press Conference. 1 year before the trial, Ken Kratz fabricated this story for the public that Steve Avery raped and killed Teresa Halbach. This ruined the integrity of the entire case by leaning the public to one side. Was there anyone disliked more than Ken Kratz? His calm, nasally, soothing, “I’m going to fuck you in the ass” voice made me want to hurl. When you know as much as this guy does about what is actually transpiring, and you still do your job to prosecute the innocent, you are truly an asshole.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-13T22:09:35-05:00January 13th, 2016|Tv|0 Comments

This One’s For Sam and Alex

I don’t know what game this is (it’s Second Life) but this is some fine work.

“Why is Rocko trying to kill us?”
“Because that’s how life is, okay?!”

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:07:46-04:00January 13th, 2016|Videos|2 Comments

Obama Then and Now

This is the picture of Obama at his first State of the Union Speech and a picture of the one last night. Full gallery of presidents here. All of this is from Reddit.

The comments
Even his bright red power tie has transformed to a dull grey and black one. A draining job indeed.

The look on his face says it all, too. Pretty much from “Let me answer that question you have!” to “Seriously? You dumb motherfucker.”

Fuck, who’d want that job? Seriously.

Can you imagine what Bernie will look like after 8 years.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-13T11:52:23-05:00January 13th, 2016|My Life|0 Comments

Being a Millenial

Millenial Characteristic Breakdown

The Millennial generation is the largest in US history and as they reach their prime working and spending years, their impact on the economy is going to be huge.

Millennials have come of age during a time of technological change, globalization and economic disruption. That’s given them a different set of behaviors and experiences than their parents.

They have been slower to marry and move out on their own, and have shown different attitudes to ownership that have helped spawn what’s being called a “sharing economy.”

They’re also the first generation of digital natives, and their affinity for technology helps shape how they shop. They are used to instant access to price comparisons, product information and peer reviews.

Finally, they are dedicated to wellness, devoting time and money to exercising and eating right. Their active lifestyle influences trends in everything from food and drink to fashion.

These are just some of the trends that will shape the new Millennial economy.

Digging Deeper

Our parents were always told to get a 30 year mortgage and you’ll be fine due to the appreciation from the home. Invest in the stock market because it will go up in the long run. Renting is a waste of money. Get married and have a family because that’s what you are supposed to do. We have stopped listening to our parents.

People don’t have money any more! The jobs don’t pay as much. Education is more. Healthcare is a huge rip off. Insurance companies take all the money and don’t even pay it out when you need it. Civilians don’t know what the government does. It’s best to stay healthy and be happy with what you have because you aren’t getting more unless you win the Powerball.

Millennials are the leading group with purchasing and being a consumer. Our review system is unlike any other and it forces companies to produce higher quality goods for better prices. We are lean and mean with regard to efficiency when compared to the generation before us and it’s not even close. I’ve seen my dad send an email. Look at all of the advances created in bringing together the world socially. The millennials skills are communication and that’s the single most important skill to have. What good is it to have someone in Sweden producing the best product for the best price if no one knows about it? This day and age is different.

I could write for a millennial on our generation but what’s the point. I have no clue if it’s better or worse or it all evens out in the end. We have way more social connection and way less human connection. We are way busier and getting less done. We are so healthy it drives us insane. We know so much that we don’t know anything. In 25 years we’re going to be crowing how the generation before us doesn’t leave their house and commands the world from computers. Ender’s Game is a matter of time. Minority Report and I Robot won’t be far off. The future is inevitable.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-12T16:21:39-05:00January 12th, 2016|My Brain|0 Comments

Being a Jerk

Laura asked the group a question, “give a one word answer to describe what you are looking for out of the new year.” Some answers were prosperous, adventurous, jubilee, and I gave the answer “filthy”. Laura asks the question as a nice light hearted, fun game and I completely mock it with a ridiculous answer. I’m positive I didn’t read that chapter in “how to win friends and influence people,” by mocking other people.

I had been drinking a bit which would lessen my filter but my impression of the question would have been the same sober or not. Now if I was sober I might have bit my tongue and gave a forgettable answer for what I perceived a forgettable game. Instead, I make everyone involved denounce my answer as moronic because I take the less beaten path. The more I live, the more I understand that being different will create problems. For what it’s worth, Laura didn’t seem that insulted that I didn’t play along. We should also agree “filthy” isn’t even a good answer if I was trying to make a point.

My brain doesn’t play well with others. I’m not thinking of Laura’s feelings when I shit on her question. I do it strictly for my own selfish entertainment. These small instances sit in my brain and I keep replaying them like why on Earth would I do that? Just play along, be nice, go with the flow, and you’ll never have to worry about confrontation or making people dislike you.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-12T14:52:28-05:00January 12th, 2016|My Brain|0 Comments

Ground Control to David Bowie

Your circuits dead, there’s something wrong.

I certainly wasn’t the biggest David Bowie fan but I enjoyed a large majority of his music. I created this post after perusing Reddit for information.

Around 2002-03, David Bowie was on tour and he played my city. I had an acquaintance from da klubb who had cancer… 22 year old girl. Her cancer was so bad that tumors made it impossible for her to walk and she was in the hospital permanently when he came through. She left the hospital to see the show and she was the only person he let backstage. She was ecstatic. She immediately went back to the sterile cold hospital to deal with real life again… and the very next day he shows up unannounced to bring a little bit of happiness to her.
I remember once thinking “how the hell does David Bowie of all people not have a knighthood?” Then I read he turned it down because (paraphrase) “I don’t make art for the sake of awards.”
Saw him with Tin Machine at the tiny Roxy in Los Angeles. Someone threw a long-stemmed rose at him when he was turned the other way and he snatched it out of the air from behind without even looking. It was the coolest thing I ever saw a rock star do at a live show.
Actor Simon Pegg wrote on Instagram: “If you’re sad today, just remember the world is over 4 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie.”

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-11T13:01:51-05:00January 11th, 2016|Celeb|0 Comments

NFL Playoff Picks

Kansas City Chiefs vs Houston Texans (+3.5)

Home dog. I don’t know if I need much more of an analysis than that for a first round playoff game with teams that don’t have high powered offenses. Alex Smith is a game manager and Brian Hoyer is Brian Hoyer. I’m a big Nuk Hopkins fan so he will be the entire Texans offense. I also give Alex Smith a HUGE amount of credit for what he does. 20 TD’s to 7 INT’s is solid and he’s athletic and runs for 1st downs. My target is not picking who is going to win this game, it’s if the Texans will cover the spread and I think they will. 3.5 isn’t 3. Being at home will be an advantage and even though I think the Chiefs are the superior team, I believe they will win the game but not cover the spread. Texans +3.5

Pittsburgh Steelers vs Cincinnati Bengals (+3)

Another home dog. Another easy cover. There is no doubt in my mind that everyone and their grandmother would think that Big Ben and AB will run all over AJ McCarron. Football doesn’t work this way. Big Ben can struggle against a solid Bengals defense at home and the Bengals have weapons all over with Gio, J Hill, Sanu, and AJ Green. What I hope happens is that the Steelers win and the Bengals cover exactly what I’m hoping for in the 1st game. Now, this is going to sound incredibly stupid but if the first game goes reverse than what I hope, there is an even greater chance I jump harder on the Bengals because I don’t think that both home dogs won’t cover. Count it, Bengals +3

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-09T13:01:48-05:00January 9th, 2016|Sports|0 Comments

Ctrl + F … JKash

Spending time with CK4, JKash, Ambsy Bambsy, and Little Jordy provided enough material for a blog post. Plus as JKash assured me, it will lead to more blog traffic. Normally I’m not a huge fan of recapping what I do in my life but I’ll make an exception.

I held his beer while I read to him.

I haven’t seen Jordan in about 8 months and can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a kid. Jordan is almost 2 and and his yoga poses are precious. He knows more English than I know German and even said “Slate Roof” when I was there. I’m not going to overrun the blog with Jordan because he does something cute every 5 seconds. You tell me.

Jordan made a sea horse out of play-doh that looked pretty much like a snake and then Amber showed him up designing a beautiful, exact replica of a seahorse. She’s been practicing. After hanging out for a while, the guys went bowling at Facenda Whitaker. The special was 15 bucks for 2 1/2 hours of bowling which is dirt cheap compared to the city. I brought my own ball and was taking ridicule. We started off the first two games and I was 109 and 112. Ck4 bombed out of the blocks with a 165 avg for the first 2 games and JKash rolled a respectable 151 in game 1. Ck4 was saying how he was going to dominate me on the lanes and he was proving it until….

I moved over a couple of boards and starting rolling down the the right side of the lane and magic struck. After 2 open frames, I rolled 9 strikes in a row to put up a 254 for my 2nd highest score game ever. The universe was right again. We rolled another 4 games to finish with 7 on the night much to Ck4’s delight. I can honestly say that nothing pleases Chad more than going to value town. JSmash wanted to come out but wasn’t quite in Mad River form. We had a good night and I enjoyed the evening which was a pleasant change from hammer time at the bar.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-09T12:47:58-05:00January 9th, 2016|My Life|1 Comment