We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Conserving Energy

I probably moved the least possible space in a 24 hour period yesterday. In pathetic fashion, I managed to wake up at 2:30pm, fall back asleep an hour later, and then sleep until around 5. I ate some Chinese food which was my lone activity for the day and sat in bed watching TV. During this process I was able to stand CK4 up for Nikkii’s marathon which proved irresponsible and unfriend like. I won’t make excuses because they are for pussies but I made a judgement of error when I decided to go out after JKash’s house warming party. This took me to the next level and turned me into a waste of life.

Considering I didn’t go out on Friday night, I was quite surprised I felt so lousy after one day of drinking. I know I didn’t properly eat dinner on Saturday which is what lead to this display of slothfulness. Previous to the party though, we had a football playoff game which was a well played game by our team. Bake was his normal, dominant self and the team dominated the second half for an easy victory. JKash had our first 2 TD’s which I’m sure he likes me to mention. After the game I was feeling great but alas, my end night proved to be overwhelming. So now here I am on a Monday wondering where I went wrong and waiting for the time to pass until I feel better only to repeat the process. Sick life.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:17:47-04:00November 18th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

Sugarhouse Experience

I’ve got a lot of good posts in the works but last night derailed everything pretty good. I met up with the Wevs and the Wads at Las Vegas Lounge where I had a decent chicken parm sandwich. I want to note that Evan said my shirt looked like something he would clean his car with. He was correct. At the lounge, the bartender was somewhat hostile and we decided to leave and hit Old City. We had a most bizarre experience at Rotten Ralph’s where we had this waitress who was probably 40 and straight up on another planet. She seemed incredibly ditzy but she did part by giving us free kamikaze shots so I wasn’t complaining. A swift trip at Khyber brought us to Plough which was where things took a turn. The idea of Sugarhouse came up and we all pretty much said, “why not.”

We roll up at around 11 looking to play some Pai Gow. The format has changed and instead of paying commission, the table draws if the dealer has Q high. I didn’t understand this initially and it felt incredibly shady. I can’t explain why but as we initially sat down it seemed like the game was rigged. Evan lost the first 5 hands in a row but we manned up and waited until the deck turned which it eventually did. Pai Gow is a funny game because only Asians play it and here was no different. We witnessed a straight flush by a random guy, 4 of kind by Shee, and I had a royal flush that I didn’t play the bonus. I ended up winning about a buck 20 but with a 36 dollar parking ticket I got and 80 or so spent dollars on the night, it was about a wash. Fun times though.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-18T11:56:29-05:00November 15th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Talk Texts

I wrote a text the other day and found myself writing what I was thinking which is quite different than thinking what I’m writing. As each word was being produced by my brain I started thinking, “is it always like this because I know it’s not always like this.” I can remember certain times I was texting that the text might take me a couple of minutes to write because I was phrasing each word carefully so I could get my message across in as few words as possible. It’s almost like the the non-thinking text is myself talking whereas the other type of text is me drafting a letter. I could never remember a time in my life where I felt like texting was talking.

My talk text made me envision two teenage girls sending 100 messages back and forth in the course of an hour because each text might be as simple as an expression. I suppose you’d refer to this as a text conversation. This post is probably dating myself but this isn’t a common scenario for me. Sitting at my phone responded back and forth with no delay would be my worst nightmare. I imagine that this is probably considered normal for certain people and they would engage in how I described my “talk text”. This will start to happen to younger generations with more frequency as smart phones become engrained in our society further and further. Danger lurks.

The reason I’m not a fan of texting, and if you’ve tried to text me you know this, is because I don’t like the idea of having to respond promptly. My brain isn’t triggered that once I’m being texted, I immediately have to respond. I can go hours and sometimes even days between my texts. I won’t check my phone for hours regularly. Just today someone texted me at 8am looking for a quick response and I didn’t even see it until 9:42. I think my age range is probably the last generation who will not be hooked by texting. This brings me full circle back to talk texting.

Texting becoming a substitute for talking is bad. I feel texting should be held to a higher level. Amusing anecdotes, witty responses, clear cut information. Today JKash texted me “remember when I blocked you that time on a break.” That made me laugh. He’s bringing up some horseshit play where I got sand in my eye and started tripping and flung up some ball that traveled 2 feet over my head because god knows that’s how much ups he has. Nevertheless, if he called me to relay this story I’d think to myself, why the hell are you bringing up something that happened 10 years ago, but it was perfect for a text. I will rarely text a business associate because calling seems more professional. Texting is a social means of communication that should stay that way.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-14T18:48:55-05:00November 14th, 2013|My Brain|1 Comment

Barstool Notoriety With Angie Varona

I sent this tweet to Maurice of Barstool yesterday:

@tallmaurice Wake up with http://t.co/Z3PnZhnnaO

— Tom Stortz (@rnningfool) November 13, 2013

[dropcap background=”yes” color=”#333333″]I [/dropcap]knew that this girl was hot from past years because there was tons controversy that surrounded her pictures because she was only 16. That was back in 2009, so I assumed she was legal now and came across a thread at pocketfives that reminded me of her. I know Barstool has a Wake Up With post that they put every morning at 9am and this girl would be a great candidate. Maurice of Philly is always credited with posting the Wake Up With so I simply tweeted the link to Angie Varona’s instagram as indicated above. What happened was quite surprising.

Since Barstool has gotten so convoluted with repeat posts and nonsense, I’ve only been reading the Philly and my check in time of 10am found this page being displayed. Initially, I was ecstatic that I was being displayed so prolifically on a BarStool post. My dreams of pageviews and unique visitors were sky high. Then I check the comments and read this:

[pullquote align=”left”]This Tom Stortz guy strikes me as someone who isn’t allowed within a certain distance from schools.. or Chuck E. Cheeses[/pullquote]

and this

[pullquote align=”right”]You know how young she is, right Mo? [/pullquote]

So instantly I’m overcome with 1) feeling like a douchebag for creeping on this girl 2) Hoping she’s not actually 16 and I’m about to be signing up with Megan’s Law. I started searching to verify this hottie’s age and began hoping the Barstool commenters wouldn’t take my self esteem for a ride down South. I’m not Miley Cyrus now and have never been exposed to any type of publicity so I’m not sure how I could handle it. Fortunately my worries meant nothing.

To sum up this experience, there was no experience. 1 follower was produced from Barstool and that was someone I already knew and there was exactly 0 referrals to my site. If this doesn’t generate any followers how in fucking hell am I going to land a better opportunity? For what it’s worth, the girl maintained a 9.05 rating which should at least give my female model standards some credit. I will say that it is quite encouraging to tweet the main person of a blog like that and have him give credit where credit is due. I won’t be creepy about it but I’ll always keep that in my back pocket.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:23:01-04:00November 13th, 2013|Boobs|1 Comment

Time To Perfect

I’ve been viewing reddit (a more intelligent Fukung and easier to navigate than 4Chan) a lot and came across a fun read that explained why George R. R Martin takes so long to write each Game of Thrones book. I was unable to locate the link, which blows my mind, but the point behind it was that he perfects every little detail. Say he writes a chapter and it moves in the editing process – 90% is unusable, 6% is good, 3% is wonderful, and 1% is gold. He then goes back and continues this process until he produces what is becomes the most popular fantasy books of our time. This technique isn’t rocket science but I doubt many of us do it.

Another example, “Despite the polished and complex nature of the Aeneid, legend stating that Virgil wrote only three lines of the poem each day.” It took 10 years to write and had 10,000 words. I compare stories like this to my work and it’s laughable. Most of the time I’m so hurried to publish the post that I don’t even bother to proof read it. Of course this isn’t ideal but when I weigh not posting for 6 months until I produce something of value compared to cranking out as many entries as I can hoping to strike gold, it’s not much of a thought. Even if I spent an inordinate amount of time of every post, it wouldn’t blow up the way I’d expect. Here are a few things I can do to make my blog posts better:

Well thought out original pictures with each post
Using a thesaurus to make each part of speech the perfect description
Not being quick to publish entries and taking ideas and formulating quality posts
Make sure keywords, hyperlinks, and titles are all included and well thought out
All spacing makes blog visually appealing

This concept obviously translates over to more than just writing. It’s everything you do and how meticulous you are in perfection. I remember Seinfeld saying that he would try out 20 different words and say them all differently to make his jokes hit the punchline expertly. This is the difference between pros and amateurs. Until this switch gets flipped, mediocrity ensues. It’s easy to get tired of something or better put, hard to know when it’s actually “perfect”. Take this post, I spent more time than I usually do but I’m not going to keep in my queue for another 3 days researching more examples and come up with better support to it. It just is what it is.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-12T20:12:43-05:00November 12th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

PNC Bank and Their Ineptitude

I use the 6th and Spring Garden PNC Bank, which probably isn’t their best location, but it’s fairly prime. The neighborhood isn’t anything I’d consider rough but it does have its shady characters. Tellers are behind bulletproof glass, the employee turnover is high, and the service is suspect at best. My experience today though needed to be documented on how a bank shouldn’t run.

It was Tuesday at 11am which is a time that shouldn’t have many customers. Nevertheless, there are 10 people snaking around the ropes and leading almost out the door. This is somewhat bizarre because there are 0 people in the commercial line which is strictly for business. Now I have a petty cash check that I want to cash and it would classify as a business transaction. There was absolutely no way I was going to butt ahead of 10 people who have been waiting 10+ minutes because some foreign language woman is taking forever at one teller. There are only 2 tellers in action and 2 other “managers” who are sitting behind their desk (presumably) surfing the internet. So in even more bizarre manner, I decided to get in my car and go through the drive through which was completely empty and I was served within minutes.

This is classic mismanagement all around. The idea of having strictly business transactions is a nice thought but it gives no empahty whatsoever to human beings waiting in line. The people who sit in front of their desk should have the ability to work a teller position in case of long lines. Hell, even the security should be able to do this. The drive through teller shouldn’t automatically hold drive through customers as high priority when they have a line out the door. Funny enough, me, a white business client, didn’t have to wait in any lines compared to 10 people who aren’t so fortunate. Welcome to Philly.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-12T17:49:38-05:00November 12th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

Perpetual Pain

If this is what it feels like to hit 30, I’m ready to quit. Where to even begin. After a surprise party held for me on Friday night, I woke up on Saturday feeling pretty good. I’m not sure how there were so many people there because I only have about 5 friends. Thanks to Laura and Amber, although I’m sure there were many others, who contributed. The night was pretty fun and the ending hours were a complete blur. The places was a mess and Laura, Brookes, and I did some clean up. The 3 of us and Pat got some breakfast at a nearby Cafe and I had to prepare for a doubleheader of football.

This was my first game I’ve played since hurting my knee and it went pretty poorly. We won the first game without too much trouble but the 2nd game was bruising. I was thrown 2 passes and both were intercepted. Add on two plays of getting torched on D and I definitely sucked. The whole team was feeling the same way during this beating. I returned home to a keg from last night and Jeff, Pat, and the Biebs decided to do some work. We had bought tickets to the Limousines at Milkboy which was a bargain for 10 dollars. Milkboy had a special that was a shot of Jack and a beer for 6 bucks and I think I did 4 of them. We, I, picked up a random tall girl from California who was tatted up and completely by herself. We took her to some house party and it was all pretty standard for being completely not standard. The night concluded at 4 am which left me pretty dead for Sunday.

Ck4 was calling me on Sunday to watch football and I wasn’t having it. I finally ended up moving at around 12:30 and headed to the Shee’s to watch the games with Chad. My FanDuel teams all crapped out and the Wild Turkeys are finished which leaves me devastated. I’m still completely sore from football, dehydrated from the weekend, and have a basketball game tonight which will leave me just as tired as I am today. As much fun as I had over the weekend, I’m paying for it in recovery. Might be a slow few days on the site.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-11T15:25:00-05:00November 11th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Great Gifs

Great Gifs that meet my approval.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-07T22:51:10-05:00November 7th, 2013|Tv|1 Comment

My Brain Forgets

I consider myself good at preparing, planning, and timeliness. When I schedule trips it’s rare when I find myself without something I need. This is mainly because I spend much time thinking ahead of time what I’m going to need, I write it down, and then I don’t forget it. There is one instance though that I can’t explain exactly how it happens but it deals with short term forgetfulness.

I’ll give a few recent examples and these have happened on more than one occasion so I know it happens with some frequency. Let’s say I went for a run on a path I haven’t gone before. I get home and in the back of my mind I want to know how far I ran. In the near term future when I’m driving the route, I’ll say to myself, “how far did I run?” I’ll look at the odometer and start paying attention to how long it is. If the route takes me longer than 2 minutes to drive, I’ll forget the fact that I was tracking my miles. I’ve even noticed that this has happened to me before and I’ll even remind myself not to forget to keep track and I’ll still forget to do it. It’s not just with miles though because another occurrence happened when I wanted to use my electric razor to shave my happy trail. The razor is in the trunk of my car and I’d remind myself to clean myself up and the moment I stepped out of the car, I would move on to something else without ever remembering to shave. It was in my mind for a good 2 weeks before I finally did it. I can’t explain it.

This blog is especially at the mercy of my memory. A good idea for a post will pop in my head and I’ll tell myself not to forget it. 2 minutes later I can’t remember what I thought was a good idea. I know I can write it down but writing and driving aren’t always the best combo. It seems like I don’t forget things that are crucial but I have a tendency to forget smallish details that don’t have much effect. I don’t have a good explanation on why it happens but hopefully this post makes it happen less.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-07T18:31:07-05:00November 7th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

A 4th Decade

You’d think by the title of this post that a 4th decade would mean I’m 40 but since I’ve been alive 3 decades, I’m pretty sure it’s appropriate. Once you get past the first 16 years of life, birthdays tend to be more a drag than a celebration. 21 is exciting but I find it better to not know or better put, not care. I’m not supposed to feel differently when I turn a new number yet by keeping track, it changes something in your brain. I don’t find this good or bad but I think people put entirely too much emphasis on a number. This should come as no surprise then that I’m relieved that the birthday has come and gone. I wanted to take a post and point out a few changes that come along the older you get.

Shorts Get Shorter – I loaned Sam a pair of my shorts this past weekend and he commented that they seemed short on him and I’m about 3 inches taller. This isn’t by mistake. Once you become a man you drop the cargo’s and buy shorts that expose half your thigh. Not sure why but the minute something in your brain tells you to buy Dockers, you’re old.

Going to Sleep Earlier – I still will go to sleep between 12-1 on weekdays but I mainly attribute this to my lack of commute. Where I notice this is on weekends where I find myself leaving bars at 12pm because I don’t want to be there anymore. Day drinking becomes more prevalent the older you get.

Waking Up Earlier – My days of sleeping until 1 pm are far and few between. I remember a college professor express that sleeping was for the weak and nothing gets accomplished when you are asleep. I don’t feel it to that extreme but I do try to fit more into my days.

Sticking to Beer – Hard liquor has got me in trouble too many times to count. I would routinely drink 6 mind erasers (why am I in a bathroom and why am I looking down) a night and wonder why my head hurt the next day. I can still get fucked up off of 9% IPA’s but I tend to be a little more controlled. The overwhelming feeling of too-drunkenness doesn’t seem to hit you all at once like liquor can.

You Know People Know Less – Wisdom comes with age. I never fully understood this statement but it’s evident when someone is younger than you when you get older. I hate to use the word immature because I don’t think it’s completely accurate but inexperience can lead to poor decisions. When you get older you see younger people and almost “know” what is going through their mind because you’ve already gone through it. I will attribute this is a clear advantage to age.