We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Drawing the Religious Line

Poor brainwashed sap

Here is a story about a Kentucky cross country runner who withdrew from a race that could have qualified her for states because her bib number was 666. Junior Codie Thacker of Whitley County High and her coach, Gina Croley, said they tried to get a different number for the regional meet from three different officials but were denied each time. “I didn’t want to risk my relationship with God and try to take that number,” Thacker said, adding that she’s been training since June for this race. “I was so nervous, I thought about it all week.”

I usually stay away from religion and politics because I know little about them and many people are sensitive about these issues. However, this story struck a chord with me because this is where reality clashes with a religious belief and the person makes the wrong decision. The decision making behind not running because of a number on your chest is illogical. You’ve trained since June to run this race which is a lot of hard work. This is the 3rd year in a row you are running this race which shows that it’s not just some pie in the sky idea. As a human being, without bringing God into play, you like doing cross county and it means something to you. Now you are given a number that coincides with the devil and a thought goes off that this number is evil and you won’t wear it while you run. I was under the impression that most religious people believe that God is almighty and he guides your path. Which in turn would mean that God is putting this number in front of you to wear and by not wearing it, you are going away from God’s path. Do you see where I’m going with this?

This girl isn’t using her brain. She’s letting religion do her thinking and it’s dangerous. Religion is actually preventing her from accomplishing her goals in this case. I can’t wrap my head around the idea that individual people let religion interfere with their life. I have no problem with religion and if makes you act and feel like a better person, I’m all for it, but when it has taken over your mind to the point that you can’t wear a bib with the number 666 on it, you’ve gone overboard. If I had to tell you what scares me the most about religious people, it’s this. They lose their sense of self. You get 75 years on Earth and there are 7 billion other people doing the same thing you are doing. Letting religion supersede living life and doing things you enjoy doing is not a lifestyle I conform to. Nor should it be preached. I’d be curious what religious people think about this story. Is she going overboard or fully justified?

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-06T19:27:54-05:00November 6th, 2013|My Brain|1 Comment

Katy Perry Boob Shopped

It’s a sad day when a sick person starts learning the sick features of photoshop. It doesn’t feel weird at all because it’s great practice. I watch a few things in a tutorial and then apply them to Katy Perry’s boobs. I’m sure the prudes of the world will extend legs or blot out pimples but I go straight for the goods. You can see that I wasn’t able to get her hair properly after removing all of her flower decoration but the damage was done. I think I opened up the picture nicely and the expansion is totally unnecessary but extremely worth it. I’m awaiting a phone call from Ms. Perry’s lawyers.

Turning Katy Perry’s breasts from huge to humongous

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:22:57-04:00November 5th, 2013|Photoshop|0 Comments

Wheeling and Dealing

I have two ongoing scenarios of situations where people want my money and I want their service. It’s important to know what you want as the end result when you get into negotiating. The current companies I’m dealing with are City Fitness of Philly and Comcast. I need a gym membership so I can work out during the winter and Comcast is offering me a better rate on our business lines, internet, and TV. I want to go into a little more detail into both to give you an idea of what goes through my mind in these cases.

City Fitness has me in a stalemate. The first thing I did to prepare for a gym membership was to get rates of 3 different companies. LA Fitness offered me $29.99 a month to come back with no initial cost. Sweat Fitness offered 16 months for the price of 12 at 45.99 a month and an upfront cost of $40 bucks. This came to somewhere in the neighborhood of $36 dollars a month and it’s location is closer to my work instead of my home which is a con. City offered me 39.99 a month with 39 initial fee and is the gym I want to join based on location. Armed with this info I called City and wanted to get a lower rate because it was the most expensive of the 3. I talked with one sales person who wasn’t budging whatsoever and let me walk out the door literally. The next guy I spoke to I explained the situation and asked if he could get me access to the 2nd location and if there was any discount for paying in full up front. He never called me back. So here I am with no gym membership and starting from square 1 with City Fitness. What I had working for me before was time. Meaning that I didn’t need a gym because the weather was nice outside and now that it’s colder, I have to act. It’s not about the money at this point. Of course I can go in there pay their rates and use their gym but the idea that I’m paying more than I should be doesn’t sit well. Ideally they waive the initial fee and charge me 34.99 with access to both gyms. If I could get that, I’d be happy. It becomes a game.

Comcast was more unusual. Two people who say they work with Comcast (they actually work with a 3rd party called Marketing Plus or something) knocked on our door today and said they could lower the phone, TV, and internet bill. I’m currently with Verizon and Direct TV with these services. The two people come up with a quote for the service that is about 60 dollars a month less than what I’m currently paying and the internet speed would be faster. They had my attention but it was almost comical how easily they thought it would be to open up a new account. Multiple times throughout their sales pitch I made it clear as day that I had no intention of signing anything. As we get to the end they have a quote made up that is looking to be docusigned. I almost lost it but continued to tell them that I don’t sign anything the same day someone walks into my door. It was awkward because in their sick and twisted sales minds they feel like they should be opening accounts on the spot. I’m incredibly leery of companies like these because they say they work WITH Comcast and not FOR Comcast. Essentially they are 3rd party companies who act as a Comcast sales force. They will do any and everything to close accounts and signing anything was out of the question. Could their deal be better than my current offering? Yes, it could but I’m at the very least calling Verizon and Direct TV and seeing if I have any termination fees and what they have to offer. I just share this because people will walk in your door, spend your time with no regard for more important things in your work day, and then expect you to close. Not today.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-05T18:31:45-05:00November 5th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Beggers of Philadelphia

Panhandlers are all over the city of Philadelphia. There is a wide range of approaches they use but one thing is for certain, their goal is to get your money. I’ve recently encountered two situations which inspired this post. I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking for money if it’s done appropriately. Meaning that the person is polite and respects the fact that it’s acceptable that he leave this one sided transaction with nothing. This of course isn’t always the case because beggers tend to be 1) Desperate and 2) On Drugs. This creates an uneasy, volatile situation every time you are approached. Here are 2 examples of recent time that I’ve run into.

I went to Best Buy on Delaware Ave and as I got out of my car and walked to the entrance, a dirty, hooded white man walked out of the shadows and said, “excuse me, do you see the PPA (Phila Parking Authority) over there? I’ve been gathering pennies and I’d really like to get a $.49 cheeseburger at Wendy’s.” This guy’s approach almost got me. The fact that he was gathering pennies pretty much demoted him to the lowest rung of begging possible. Gathering pennies! And all for a cheeseburger. I felt bad for this guy if it was true. Now the fact that he wanted to meet me by the lurking shadows of the PPA didn’t make me feel to easy but I still felt a sense of empathy for a dire situation. Alas, as I came out of the store, he wasn’t there anymore and I left with all my pennies.

The 2nd encounter was a much different approach. I was picking up some Chinese food at the Plaza Pizza, well, plaza, and a man in street clothes called out from across the walking area, “Hey, big guy.” I saw him approaching and quickly turned my back to him and starting walking the other direction. He again called out, “Hey, big guy.” I turned around in case he was shot in the gut or something and this was an emergency. He said, “I need 50 cents for bus money.” I walked away with no more said. My first reaction to his request of “big guy” was confrontational. It’s like he’s sizing me up. I knew what was coming so I was hoping to ignore the situation but his persistence was also noted. Notice his request of 50 cents is 50x more than the other guy. My chance of giving this guy money was 0%.

I give money to one beggar and it’s because I’ve known him for a long time. He’s genuinely a nice guy and doesn’t spaz if I don’t give him any money. He rarely asks but always accepts. I understand the thought behind begging but generally you get to that point by making bad decisions. I’m sure it’s not always the case but there are consequences to bad decisions and bailing people out isn’t smart. Tell that to the government.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-04T08:32:11-05:00November 4th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

Oh Lorde!

The way my entries arrive isn’t an exact science. Sometimes I know I haven’t posted in a while and I come across something moderately interesting and decide to post it. Other times my mind will produce 5 blog worthy topics in a day that I write down and then execute them over the next couple days. This entry has been a draft for a month now and it was only an idea that I thought would be a good topic. It was going to be about how 16 year old Lorde is rhyming about “gold teeth, grey goose, trippin’ in the bathroom”, and how there is no way she could have come up with those lyrics and how other people are writing her lyrics to make her famous. I held off on writing it because I didn’t have much material other than that thought. Fortunately I read her 2 page piece in the newest Rolling Stone which provided a much clearer perspective of how a 16 year old how becomes a global celebrity.

Lorde isn’t your typical 16 year old. The Rolling Stone Interviewer started with this question, “This might be a weird question – I don’t know if anyone ever feels their real age, but do you feel 16?” This was the leading question to the interview and I’m sure Rob Tannenbaum put some thought behind it. Her response, “That’s one of those questions I get asked in every interview, and everyone precedes it with the kind of thing you’ve just said.” The interviewer asked her how annoying was it to for everyone to ask how you feel being 16, she said, “I’m going to say a solid seven, People will be super-fucking patronizing and talk to me as though I’m a child and I can’t make my own decisions.” Lorde is mature for her age and her family background can explain some of this.

Her mother, Sonja Yelich, is an award winning poet who has been included in the Best New Zealand Poems anthology series four times. That explains where the lyrics come from. She also doesn’t go to school anymore and her answer on why seems to make perfect sense to me, “I don’t know how school’s going to go… I read and write so much anyway I don’t feel I’m particularly missing out.” “I’ve been taking drama classes since I was, like, five, and I’m, like, a fucking killer public speaker. I”m pretty good at turning it on.” After reading this I started to understand that she’s got a set of wits on her that doesn’t jive with a 16 year old. The rest of the interview regarding her take on music and the industry backed up this idea.

I was blown away with her thought on song structure, “I wanted to bend the song around the lyric, as opposed to vice versa, kind of squashing the words in there. The syllables have to match up!” This concept is a leading idea behind what creates quality music vs catchy music. Most pop music centers around the beat and chorus and lyrics are secondary. Think Katy Perry. Lorde is putting thoughfult lyrics behind music and also making it catchy, AT 16! Her take on success and how it happens is also grown up, “It’s weird, because, when you’re in the early stages of a project, it’s so pure – you’re like, “this will never be tainted. Then you get further on and your like, ‘I want people to hear this record, so I’ve got to do something to support it.’ I put my music out with no kind of commercial expectation and found out I was a pop star. The “pureness” in the process of her understanding the music industry is wonderful to see.

I was impressed throughout the entire article and even more impressed when she said, “I’m really interested in the Ivy Leagues, the final clubs, all the really old-money families, the concept of old money.” What? What 16 year old is fascinated with old money. So freaking bizarre because I’ve never gotten one step past old money being old. That’s it. Who gets quizzical about how old money came to be? She may be beamed down and is posing as a little girl because her wisdom is years beyond her age. Obviously anyone who goes into speaking with her expecting a typical teenage conversation is in for a little surprise.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-04T08:34:30-05:00November 3rd, 2013|Celeb, Music|0 Comments

Zombiefied

I got really frustrated with this and rather than scraping it, I’ll show you where I quit.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-01T16:45:35-04:00November 1st, 2013|Photoshop|0 Comments

One Time

Last night I was flipping back and forth between the football game and the WSOP 2013, that’s the World Series of Poker for the people who’ve never seen that acronym. Since PokerStars and FullTilt stopped allowing US deposits for what seems like years now, I’ve basically quit playing online and live poker. I’m both happy and sad about this, which I’ll get into, but last night tweaked a nostalgic feeling within me while I was watching this year’s coverage. It also had me thinking that the players that are part of the November 9 could have just as easily been 9 other players.

I miss the final table rush of poker. The exhilaration of pushing your stack with 37 off to steal some blinds was fantastic. Learning the pushing ranges was what separated the good from the upper echelon. It wasn’t luck that the same people continued to win. As I look back on the thousands of sit n go’s I played, I yearn for that gambling rush. I was a profitable player on Stars but never to the point that it warranted all the hours I spent playing but as I watched last night, it dawned on me that the 9 players who got there, luckily got there.

The players at the final table, which will commence November 4th, have won life changing money. First place money is 8+ million and the rest of the cashes are not too shabby. These nine players though are remaining from a field of 6000+ and they’ve all had their ups and downs which is guaranteed with poker. The unique thought that hit my brain was that this run was magical for these 9 players and I’m not sure they realize how lucky they are. If one card went differently, it wouldn’t have been them in this life changing event.

Making the final table of the WSOP is the poker pinnacle. All eyes on you. You make even more than the prize money from advertisers who know people will be watching that event. If these players never do another thing in the poker industry, they did it for this one tournament. This will inflate their ego and make them think they are cut out for one of the most emotional professions there is. Are they? Probably not. As stated above, if one card didn’t go their way, it would have been a different person. This is what I find so fascinating. This is what produced the Moneymaker effect. I can be that guy!

I understand it completely and for the first time in years I felt that feeling again. Back in the online days I was almost that guy a few times. I had deep runs in tournaments that could have netted me tens of thousands of dollars which isn’t life changing but it’s nice pocket change. If online poker came back, I’d have a tough decision if I wanted to play or not. It uses a lot of time and this time is mostly cerebral which is fun but is also anti-social. This is the reason I gave up playing video games. It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s that I deemed them a waste of time. For those 9 players at this final table though, I think they would agree it wasn’t a waste of time. At least for them.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-01T10:20:24-04:00November 1st, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

My Goal Is To Beat Cecily Tynan

Cecily next to her doofus husband.

Cecily Tynan, the Philadelphia weather caster, was 43 when she won her age division last year competing in the Run the Bridge 10k. She was 51st overall with a time of 38:29 which averaged out to 6:10 miles. Sam sent me an email stating that I have to beat her. My response was a wimp out and said that I probably can’t and I might not even run. After running a few miles today, a different position has been taken.

A month ago I was gearing up for this 10k. I was routinely hitting 8-9 miles at paces that even though I didn’t time, I know were fast with some miles hitting under 6. I was feeling slim and for a race as short as 10k, I would have posted a fast time. Unfortunately I went against a cardinal rule and got myself injured. There was no one to blame this on but myself. I always say (at least to myself) that getting injured is the absolute worst thing you can do to yourself. If there is a part of your body that hurts, rest it, and come back when it feels better. I ignored this and a week previous to hurting my knee, I kept complaining that my knee hurt but I was still working out on it. Already tender, I played a football game and tweaked it to the point that it was seriously injured. I didn’t get an MRI, but did see a doctor and the diagnosis was that it was bruised or sprained and that rest was the best option. I’ve readily complied and have sat out 5 straight weeks of football and basketball. I’ve made various attempts to do some runs but each time I could feel my knee was ready to give way if I ever tried to do anything more than jog. With that back story in place, it brings upon today.

Today I went for a run and would say it was relatively painless. I still wasn’t able to hit full speed but I would guess I was hitting somewhere near 7 minute pace. All things considered, even if I’m not in my best shape, I still should have retained some of the strength I built from a month ago. With 4 more days rest until the race (I’m going to attempt a double header football game on Saturday which may exacerbate this situation), I should be ready to rock for the race. Which brings us to Cecily.

Under normal circumstances this isn’t even a consideration. My Broad St time beat her by over 2 minutes and it would only get wider in a 10k. However, I’m not at full strength and I have a feeling she doesn’t miss a beat. My goal would be 6:10 miles. If she runs faster than that, she’ll win. If I were a betting man, I’d probably give her a 75-25 edge. My ceiling is higher but my training is why behind. I hope I find her during the run and can start chatting her up. She’s obviously a dime at 44 and it would be fun to take her down at the finish line. I’d definitely make a picture or two. Hopefully it comes to that.

She didn’t have a shoe, an arm, or a shadow before I got done with her.

By Tom Stortz|2013-10-30T23:34:01-04:00October 30th, 2013|Photoshop, Running, Sports|1 Comment

The Sound of Silence

The above room would be my nightmare. Imagine 6 people getting together sitting in a room like this and talking. No TV. No music. No pet distraction. Just the sound of silence. You sit and you wait for someone to say something. You are forced to converse. You are forced to sit and listen. The idea behind this type of “discussion” is the worst I can think of and I’m happy to explain why.

First point to make is that any kind of music easily makes a better situation. It can be soft in the background and I don’t care if it’s 2 Chainz, it improves the sound of silence. Removing the silence takes the edge off the of the situation mentioned above. When everything is quiet, if no one says anything for 5 seconds, it’s incredibly noticeable. This makes everyone start churning in their heads for topics of conversation. It shouldn’t be like this. Conversation can’t be forced. It should be an ebb and flow if everything is working properly. One topic should lead to the next and if it’s a good group of people who understand how to listen to one another and ask intelligent follow up questions, this is what should we should strive for in conversation. I don’t like feeling on the spot when I’m talking especially in a recreation setting.

It’s not that I can’t sit in a room with other people and talk but it’s not how I’m made up. My brain starts telling me that this is weird. What am I doing here? Run, run fast. If I’m in a room with another person and there is nothing to do but talk, it would be with a psychiatrist. If music or TV is apparent, I have no problem. I’m much more comfortable in a bar setting meeting people than I would be in the room above. I’m not sure if everyone else feels this way. I get the feeling that other people don’t mind sitting and doing what I would consider nothing. Anyone else feel the same way I do?

By Tom Stortz|2013-10-30T22:09:28-04:00October 30th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

When Ideas Go Bad

Twitter Search Automatically Down Late

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve clicked on the search option instead of the person I want to see. It’s broken because the people come up quickly and the search choices come up a moment later. This causes you to click on the search choice instead of the person. I want to fire a Twitter employee every time this happens to me. Aggravating would be an understatement.

Resealable Bags Pulling Away From Their Side

This has to happen to other people. Resealable bags that get stored in the fridge or freezer usually have a zip lock feature on both sides. This is a fantastic idea except it contains a major flaw, the one side of the zip always gets stuck to the other and then pulls away from its “fixed” position. This causes the problem where you can’t seal the bag anymore and thus your food isn’t fresh. I also had an issue where I bought a block of cheese from Sam’s club that didn’t have individually wrapped pieces. Once the block gets opened, you have to have a bag to store the cheese in another bag so it doesn’t go bad. Who buys blocks of cheese not individually wrapped?

Vine and Instagram

The Vine app on my Galaxy 3 is awful and Instagram is equally bad. I don’t subscribe to people on Vine because I don’t think the videos are that funny, so when I do enter the app, I want to see the best Vines. When I click on humor and then popular, expecting to see their best videos, I’m bombarded by people trying way to hard to create poor videos. In no way am I saying that there isn’t great content on Vine, it just isn’t sorted properly. Plus if your job is making videos for Vine, there are better things in life.

Instagram is also shitty. If I had a nickel every time I tried to click on a McKayla Maroney instagram pic that didn’t load properly, I’d have about 50 nickels. Its gotten to the point that if I see something as an Instagram link, I don’t even bother. Plus when I tried to view the people who were following me on their website, I was unable to locate how to do it and even on the app was difficult to get this information. I thought it would be cool to have live uploads from Instagram appear on my site but alas, it wasn’t.

By Tom Stortz|2013-10-30T11:43:18-04:00October 30th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment