We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Rate Yourself on the Swag Scale

I’m no fashion expert but I’ve been made fun of for one reason or another over the years that I started to put together a means of what flies and what doesn’t. Score 1 point for not being a culprit of the described faux pas and 0 for abiding.

Cargo Shorts

The line from Superbad (2007), “Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since ‘nam!” was right 7 years ago and more right today, Back in middle school, cargo shorts were the only pair of shorts I wore. That was back in the late 90’s and times have changed or I’ve grown up. There is a simple metric to determine whether you should wear cargo shorts which is, do you put anything in the pockets? If the answer is no and you aren’t a tour guide or super extreme, you don’t need them. I’ll even link to a pair of 21 dollar shorts from Amazon that are perfectly acceptable.

I actually own 1 pair of cargo shorts but the pockets are stitched in the inseam so I’ll only give myself a half a point for this.

Undershirt to a Collarshirt

Need I say more?

Nothing says squid like going out to a nice bar or club with an undershirt under a button down collared shirt. When you go out you should be feeling free and relaxed, not bunched up and stuffy. I would also never suggest an undershirt to a regular polo collared shirt but there are some extreme cases that involve sweating that I’d give the nod that it’s ok. Another exception is a business trip. An undershirt on a business trip is expected. You aren’t trying to take your client to bed so there’s no need to be cooler than normal.

Lebron would disagree with me. If you aren’t LeBron….no excuse.

Gym Sandals

I wore gym sandals one time to Seacrets in OCMD and immediately bought a new pair the next day due to embarrassment. This type of sandal is known as an athletic sandal but it’s so disgusting that it should be discarded from fashion entirely. There are two ways to wear them, with or without socks. With socks looks nebbish and without (considering they are athletic) is gross. Maybe this could be considered a college shower sandal but aside from that, I can’t find many times this should be worn in public.

Showing Up with the Wrong Gear

There is nothing worse than trying to get a pick up game of basketball and seeing a kid in sweat pants and casual shoes. Or no cleats to baseball. Or sneakers to a club. You get the point. There’s a reason that the majority of people wear the same gear to an event. It’s because it’s the best and most accepted for it. I’m sure there are exceptions where people stumble upon better ways to do something but it’s rare.

I take it back. Tight is right.

Wrong Fitting Clothing

When I was in high school I used to buy XL everything. I was 6 ft, 150 and the clothes ran big but I liked it and thought it was the style. I also used to plan for shrinking my clothing which was another reason I bought big. As I’ve gotten older, any shirt that I encounter that is XL I immediately give away. It fits too loose, hangs too low, and looks ridiculous. Snug fitting but not too tight is the way to go. Essentially clothes that fit your body.

0-1 – You don’t get made fun of enough and your self esteem is probably higher than it should be.

2-3 – Nobody’s perfect. You get by without too much resistance but there is room for improvement.

4-5 – Burn your entire wardrobe and hire someone to dress you.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-10T19:44:25-04:00September 10th, 2014|My Brain|2 Comments

PYT/Shady Backlash

A local burger joint, PYT, received a $.20 tip from LeSean McCoy. The place is within walking distance from me so I’m pretty much an expert on this subject matter. Initially news was the below receipt was fake but I would strongly disagree after what you will read below. (I heard through the grapevine that PYT adds 20% to the bill automatically which would change my perspective entirely on everything).

Shady’s Response:

Asked LeSean McCoy about the restaurant receipt thing. “It’s bull****, man,” he said. Declined request to elaborate.

— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) September 8, 2014

Here is the owner’s response to the situation:

A MESSAGE FROM THE OWNER:

I would like to address the LeSean McCoy tipping situation and our role in it.

For starters, I take total and complete responsibility for sharing this receipt. It was not our server’s decision, it was mine. I am to blame.

I decided to take action after some serious thought. And while I’d like to apologize to Mr McCoy, I cannot in good conscience do so. I stand by my actions one hundred percent.

Mr McCoy and his three companions came into my place on Monday afternoon, and immediately the whole staff was excited. Mr McCoy is a skilled athlete and is one of our beloved Philadelphia Eagles. A true Philly legend and a sports hero. Understandably my staff was really pumped, especially on the heels of they terrific win the day before. (Go Eagles!).

Mr McCoy and his friend sat inside at a booth next to my management and next to me. They were given excellent service. Impeccable service. If anything, our server was a little nervous as was our food runner, because they are big, big fans.

He and his group, from the moment they sat down, were verbally abusive to our staff in the most insulting ways. The derogatory statements about women and their sheer contempt for the staff serving them wasn’t the end, however. After Mr McCoy and his group left I looked over and saw their server, my friend, with his head bowed down and with a very confused look on his face. I took the receipt out of his hand and I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so callous. Mr McCoy had left a .03% tip for our staff. Our staff that was beyond excited to see him walk into our burger joint and was excited to serve him. That’s twenty cents on a tab of over $60. Twenty cents that our server has to split with the food runner and the bartender. Two dimes from an insulting multimillionaire.

I bet Mr McCoy is usually an awesome dude. And everyone has their bad days. But I’m from Philly and have had the pleasure of meeting many of our bad ass sports heroes. Ron Jaworski I met as a kid and I love. Iverson I loved. Mike Schmidt! You name ’em. I love all of our athletes past and present. Hometown heroes who treat those below them with some respect. And maybe Mr McCoy was having a “bad day” after his big victory all that, but the reports of him receiving “bad service” is a complete slanderous lie, and my crew here is better than that and deserves better than that.

At the end of the day, I did what I felt my heart told me to do. And I don’t want anything from Mr McCoy, but…maybe an apology to his server who gave him excellent service would be cool.

Again, I am the owner and I take full responsibility for my actions. Eagles fans, I feel ya. Id be pissed too. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and stick up for his friends.

Hate mail should be directed to tommy@pytburger.com. I will respond to you right after I catch up on this mornings hate mail.

Without getting into what the majority of idiots care about 1) LeSean being cheap 2) the owner being a dick for posting something when it should have been a private matter, the real question is:

IS BAD PUBLICITY GOOD PUBLICITY?

Posting this online by the owner is a sneaky move that blew out of proportion. The owner serviced McCoy properly, got jipped, decided to make a fuss about it online, and now he has thousands of hate mail and publicity that was completely unexpected. This is by far the one of the cheapest advertising campaigns in history. I’m not even sure there is much negativity from PYT’s perspective.

The amount of people who won’t eat there because they are McCoy fans and hate for this to happen to him <5% of Philadelphian’s
The amount of people who can’t believe an owner would do something like this that won’t forget about it in a week <1% of Philly
The amount of people who had never heard of PYT before this incident ~thousands upon thousands of potential customers

Bottom line, by making Shady look like an ass, you exposed your business on a scale unthinkable at the time of posting this receipt. Shady should actually getting paid for this publicity. I guarantee service will be top notch over the next couple days. I may go by and take a picture just for research.

The best comment:

You guys should make a McCoy burger… Two dime sized burgers served on a toasty roll.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-09T21:29:32-04:00September 9th, 2014|Celeb, Sports|2 Comments

The Bear Negotiator

The present date is June 1st, 2054. Bear Polo has become the most popular game of the era mainly because of the increased intelligence of bears. In the past 40 years bears have begun to walk upright and their communicative skills have reached a basic level where they can understand commands.

Bear Polo is Polo but where players ride bears if you couldn’t guess. The object of the game is to hit a ball, while on the bear, through a goal. Popularity of the sport has hit its peak.

A common concern is for the safety of the players. In the year 2054, there are “good” bears and they are being acclimated into society as “athletes”. Amazingly, the bears seem to understand bear polo and enjoy playing it. Not all bears have evolved to the point of comprehending how to play bear polo but there are dozens in the current pool. This is where the bear negotiator comes in.

With so little talent from the bear community to draw on, it becomes increasingly important for the player to have the right bear to ride on. Some bears are treated like royalty because of their awareness on the field. Some bears go rogue and still live in the wilderness while participating in the sport. These are the most wild bears but can be the most dominant on the field. The risk is enormous hopping on one of these bad boys..

Other bears have decided to use owners. The owners shelter and feed the bears with hopes that they will perform better on the field. Owners have begun finding agents for “their bears.” Being a bear owner is a dangerous task but the agent is equally as important. The agent’s job is challenging because if the wrong rider meshes with the wrong bear, death is inevitable. Not too many people are up for the responsibility.

Drew Barenhaus has risen to the top with his uncanny approach of knowing which bear should work with each rider based on speed, ethics, and power. This story though wouldn’t be a story without a story. Little did Drew know was that he was being let in to the inside of the bear world where more than meets the eye. A takeover was in the works and the human race was in danger. Barenhaus is the medium between bears and mankind and is called, “the bear negotiator”.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-09T14:04:31-04:00September 9th, 2014|My Brain|3 Comments

Pleasure Reading

Probably little known by most people is that I read a decent amount for pleasure. I read far more out of college than when I was in college which is probably not uncommon. I find when I can read anything I want with no deadline, I enjoy it more.

This post was spurred by my recent completion of the Goldfinch which I took as a recommendation from Laura or popping up in my Kindle. It was a lengthy read that took me more time than I would have liked but I finished the last half of the book in a week or two so once I got rolling it went quick. I enjoyed it but didn’t feel like I got hit in the chest once I finished the book. Even stranger is that I was rushing through the end of the book which contained the most philosophical thoughts in pulling the entire story together.

What happens to me when I read is that I’ll get 100 pages in and then like a trigger, I’ll decide if I want to keep reading. This is usually influenced by what is going on in my life and how much time I can devote to reading.

I’ll give the last few books I bought through my Kindle:

Business Adventures (1%) – John Brooks – Recommended by Bill Gates and I haven’t gotten around to it
Write Better – 50 Ways to Improve Your Writing (54%) – I get tired of the same old lame ideas
How to Write Great Blog Post that Engage Readers (48%) – Tired thoughts
History of the World (1815-1920) (2%) – I like learning but history is the most boring type of book I can find
Edgar Allen Poe – Complete Tales & Poems (0%) -I read the Raven and said nevermore
Copywriting for the Rest of Us (98%) – Good for business
This Book Will Teach You How to Write Better (91%) – A good read
18 Rules of Happiness (18%) – I stopped at rule 2 or 3.
Complete Works of Mark Twain (7%) – I read the Prince and the Pauper quickly and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just moved on
David and Goliath (84%) – Malcom Gladwell – Much more boring than his previous works.
Fantasy Life (99%) – Matthew Berry – It said 99 but I skipped the last 25%. It got boring towards the end but his life was more interesting than the fantasy stories.
Timeline of the World (24%) – More history that I get tired of easily
Aesop’s Fables (44%) – 50 fables were more than I needed.
I Did It (96%) – O.J Simpson – I enjoyed reading about OJ’s life.
I Wear The Black Hat (99%) – Chuck Klosterman – I’ll read anything Klosterman writes from front to back.
Invisible Man (26%) – H.G Wells – I read some of this while I was hungover on a Sunday and stopped a quarter of the way through for lack of interest.
Bruce (99%) – Biography on Springsteen – Probably the 10th music biography I’ve read and I never get tired of them.

You can see I dislike history and stodgy writing. Brookes posted 10 books that impacted him on my Facebook wall and I’ll do something similar for my own books but I wanted to get a post out without too much thought to it.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-09T08:21:30-04:00September 9th, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

Bad Bet Blog Busts

TC getting jump kicked by AB in week 1

Week 1 did not go according to plan. After a lucky 5-2 day betting weekend on college football which netted +80 dollars, the NFL was none too kind. The final tally was 0-5 losing $170. The Jets lost by half a point. The 4 team teaser lost by 1 point by 1 team (Eagles late TD burned it as the other 3 teams were money). The o/u of the 49ers game got no where as the Niners didn’t score in the 2nd half. I hastily took the Cowboys after the 1pms for an action induced bet that went South. Not the start I was looking for.

My Fanduel action was just as bad. I entered 4 teams in 4 $25 dollar leagues and only 1 has a shot at cashing with it riding on Michael Floyd. As long as he doesn’t get shut out I should get 2nd place for a net loss on the week of around $40. Fantasy was equally bad as the Shee’s Orange Julius put a beating on me in the late night game. Ck4 blew me away with Matt Ryan. G-Rama turned me to mince meat when my entire team failed to show up. I was only able to deliver one knock out from the team that I thought I had the worst draft with.

These are the types of weeks that you don’t read about. However, it’s important to keep appropriate records and take responsibility for sucking. I’m sure I’ll make a pick tonight but I’ll post it on Twitter as it gets closer.

Current season

College – 6-2 +117

NFL – 0-5 -170

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-08T09:08:17-04:00September 8th, 2014|Sports|0 Comments

Idea 2 – The Betting Blog

Stop rolling your eyes. This is why I’m using this as a place to test ideas. The idea behind the blog is fairly simple, tracks all bets that are being made while giving the thought process behind the bet. I would also include action from Fantasy Football and Fanduel.

The problem with this is that anyone and their grandmother can do this and there is no good reason they should they follow you. The blog wouldn’t be about trying to get subscribers like Brandon Lang. It would be a recap of overall record, how much up or down, and information about players and games. It would be never-ending content and also a good way to track progress.

The other troubling part of this is that I’m not a tremendously great sports better. I do it in a manageable way where it’s money that I’m willing to lose for the entertainment value. This isn’t to say that I don’t want to win, I only bet what I can afford to lose. At this point I probably have near 10 years of sports betting under my belt and I’m learning what things to look for. The blog would follow one principal, YOU KNOW NOTHING. Whatever you think, do the opposite. Vegas are the smart ones. If a line looks funny, it looks funny for a reason. There is no such thing as a sure thing.

Since the start of May when I deposited 100 dollars, I have cashed out 350 and have 180 in my account with 25 on the Packers tonight. This is a net of 450 or so over 5 months which isn’t going to get anyone wealthy. I have not lost it though and have made countless bets without a re-deposit. I find the gambling fun and if, and this is a huge if, you could actually gain an audience with the picks and sound thinking behind the bets, the audience out there is millions.

Or even funnier, you turn the site into a bunch of bad, hilarious bets. Set up hermit crab races, who can throw a ball the furthest, or who can get a girl’s number fastest saying the line “milk me” to start. This idea probably has way more potential.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-04T08:58:23-04:00September 4th, 2014|My Brain|3 Comments

Idea #1 – Special Traits of Humans

I’m not kidding around about moving my energy to other projects. I’m going to use this as an outlet to get a feel for the potential on some of the ideas I’ll mention in posts over the coming days. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Theme – Usually the most noted people of history have some trademark that sets them apart. The new site will focus on a different person every few days and dissect the life of that person and how their trait affected their life.

Examples –

Freddie Mercury – One of the best showmen of our time. His charisma could be felt by audiences of over 100,000 people when he was on stage. He had a booming voice and enunciated his words clearly that he was one of a kind. Why was he so amazing? Look at those chompers. Tell me that those chompers didn’t correlate to his amazing voice. He was also gay, died of aids, and has an incredible story which would be told in the post.

Jordan – He is the most competitive ,man on the planet and researching the wild stories that he encountered in his life would make for an entertaining post.

Robin Williams – I read a piece on him in Rolling Stone and they said he had a computer memory. That had to fit into his ability to impersonate anyone he wanted to. His ups and downs would be mentioned leading to his death.

Practicality and success?

There is an infinite amount of talent in the world that this blog would never run out of ideas. It be fun delving into famous / important / unique peoples lives and revealing what makes them special. 2 posts a week would seem about right.

I think it would come down to how interesting I could make the blog to keep readers coming back. There is a fascination to me on how people take their talents and abilities to the next level and it would be fun to look into.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T12:58:31-04:00September 3rd, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

An Exciting Time .

28 posts left until I hit my 2,000 and last post for rnningfool.com. I have thought about this decision and will continue to think about it over the next 28 posts. I have been jotting down other ideas for websites and I’ve come up with 4 or 5 that I’d be excited to partake in. I already have Gourlay on board for brainstorming and am awaiting Sam’s participation. This is an open invitation to anyone who may have interest, not commitment, just interest.

The key to a good website is that it informs its readers with information that interests or improves them as a person. This website doesn’t do either. This website highlights my life which is only of great interest to me. It’s time to move away from this format and I’ll probably use this as a tool for throwing out ideas of which direction to move. I’ve spent years building this so it may not go away completely. Maybe I’ll use it as a more personal blog with less updates instead of what it is trying to be as a mainstream website. Good times ahead.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-03T08:31:48-04:00September 3rd, 2014|My Life|0 Comments

Speed Training for the Philly Half

I signed up for the Philly half marathon yesterday out of the blue. I haven’t run more than 7 miles once in the past 4 months. Either way I was boosted by my time trialed mile and decided I was in good enough shape to make a run at it. I’m starting in good shape but not endurance running shape. Here’s my plan over the next 19 days.

Try to eat healthier and eat more fruit. Laura asked me when was the last time I had a fruit or vegetable and I answered a month. I lied. It could be 3 months.
I started yesterday running 8 miles all at one time. Most of my runs are 2-3 miles at a fast pace, short break, then back at it for 2-3 more. I did 6 at 7 minute pace and was pretty dead by the end. I warmed down the last 2.
Knowing that 6 miles is my starting point of non-stop running, I’ll gradually increase my mileage over the next 20 days. Today I’ll try to do 7 straight with a 2 mile warm down.
If you can’t complete a practice run at the race mileage, you most likely won’t do your best. By the 20th rolls around, I want to have gotten up to 13 miles non stop.
With such a short time frame, I have to watch the alcohol intake and make sure I don’t miss many days training. I know Sam doesn’t take many days off but I’ll schedule at least 5 during this time to make sure I don’t get injured from asking more than my body would feel comfortable with.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-03T08:08:55-04:00September 3rd, 2014|Running|0 Comments

This Could be the End

I’ve threatened to quit before because of lack of material but this time it’s because it’s time for something different. The blog did not amount to what I think it should. Gourlay’s quitting wasn’t the reason for this, merely a catalyst.

The email below was sent to Sam and Gourlay about a future project (although I’ll take whoever would be interested in helping):

With Gourlay’s departure from blogging, I think it’s time to rejuvenate the blogging scene. We all know that no one cares about an individual blog except the people who know that person. Considering our social network is about 100 people, we can’t expect unknown people to read our stuff. It’s time to join forces and create something with a purpose. Here is our current position (I’m going to assume Gourlay is a part of this even though he decided to quit. I’d like to think you quit because you didn’t feel like doing nothing which is the current status of the blogs, not because you didn’t like it.)

Gourlay – best writer, least motivated

Sam – best current life situation for material

Tom – Most responsible and the best chance for monetizing the work

It comes down to what should we write about. It has to be something that we all like. Sports comes to mind but I’m not sure how we would differentiate from other, better, blogs. I think a blog based on other people’s Tweets would be pretty cool. We could post the best tweets and comment on them as well as pick out the funniest comments on them. Reddit and Facebook could also produce material. We could almost troll and see what responses we get. It’d be called Trolling Twitter.

I’m kicking this around because I’m kind of tired of working for nothing. I’m coming up on 2,000 posts and it’s not so much lack of material as it’s just pointless to keep doing it just for kicks. I think it would work too because, and I’m guessing here, that if I came up with a post, I could send it to Gourlay who could improve it instead of having to always come up with new material (which is why it seems like you are quitting but correct me if I’m wrong).

Think about it. We’d get a new URL and everything and just re-direct current traffic to the new blog. What traffic do you guys get anyway? I’m averaging about 400 a day but only 75-100 is direct traffic which is the real number.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-02T15:58:42-04:00September 2nd, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments