We Don't Walk Slow

26 Oct, 2011

Take it sleazy

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-26T23:21:44-04:00October 26th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

You’ll notice the post count is way off from previous months. This month has the potential of being my lowest monthly post count in a year. I was away for about a week but that really isn’t an excuse for the lack of work being put into the blog. I’ll be completely honest though, I can’t keep writing about the same things entry after entry. My life is a routine. This is part of human nature, you get yourself into something that you “enjoy” and you just keep doing it. Now that word enjoy can also be replaced by survival. I’m not going to write that I went to the gym, or I read a book, or I watched a movie. I’ve been there done that. If something is really meaningful to me than I might share it but I’m not going to post my hour by hour daily activities. I’ve basically been working a lot, exercising and living the past while to the best of my abilities. I sometimes think about stuff during the day that might make a good entry but it’s usually just one thought and it won’t be a good post. Like how I think the word maniac is funny or how I can tell if a girl is good looking just from the back of her head. I was going to write an entry on how the female news anchors for some of these cable stock shows are super hot. I actually just spent 15 minutes trying to find this one that I thought looked amazing with these bangs (I’ll post below but she doesn’t have the bangs which was really the deal breaker). I’ve been writing about this same stuff for years now and I’m just trying to be as original as I can and that is taking away from my entry’s.

The only thing of any importance that I have to write about is that as I keep getting older, at least I keep thinking I’m getting smarter. The amount of songs I’ve listened to, movies I’ve watched, things I’ve done. I keep expanding my brain with knowledge and this in turn gives me the ability to form better opinions. I also feel like it gives me better perspective when I judge other people. I really think I’m a good people person and can get a pretty good grasp on what they are about in just a few times spending time with them. I feel like at 27 I know more about life than I did at say 21. I’m not really sure how that’s benefiting me but I would say I’m growing as a person. That’s why I can’t understand how people get married at such a young age because it’s hard enough understanding yourself, let alone another person. The title of this post is from Workaholics.

Dagen McDowell (sans bangs)

25 Oct, 2011

Lilo in Playboy

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:54:37-04:00October 25th, 2011|Boobs|0 Comments

Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy.

SHE WON’T LOOK LIKE THIS!

I would consider walking in a store and buying this issue to see what she looks like. She’s been through a coke stage and I just can’t imagine she looks as hot as she did when she was around 20 in this picture. Airbrush will probably do her wonders but I would be really curious what kind of production they come up with for her. Let’s not forget Kim Kardashian posed for “tasteful” playboy and didn’t show any bush. Her pictures were pretty good but I feel like Lindsay’s pictorial should be her in the back of a dirty bathroom, doing lines of coke naked off of a toilet bowl. I have never bought a dirty magazine in my life but it’s not because I wouldn’t, it’s because the internet has every picture for free. I’d buy this magazine and leave it out on the coffee table just to bring about conversation to new guests. She’s obviously in desperate need of money and sunk to Playboy for a million dollars. Once her looks go, she won’t be asked for Playboy so now or never. You go girl!

24 Oct, 2011

Why I like to read

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:56:46-04:00October 24th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

I just finished the 4th book of the Game of Thrones series (a Feast for Crows) and decided to buy the 5th book, a Dance with Dragons, which was published this July. It’s the 5th book of a 7 part series and I hope the wait for the next two books isn’t so bad. I also want to mention that this series kicks Harry Potter’s middle school adventures to the curb. I read the first Harry Potter book so I’m not completely just taking a side here with no understanding of what I’m talking about. I read the first Harry in one night. One night. I just finished the 4th book and I’ve been reading the series since June 21st. I basically finish one book a month and this is reading a few chapters practically every night. Obviously the length of the book doesn’t make it good but it should be a good indicator of the degree of seriousness this 7 part series has. The only annoying thing is waiting for the climax.

I got really off track from my original topic of this post, why I like to read and a little story that goes along with it. I decide to go to Barnes and Noble instead of buying this book online. I’ve wrote before how internet shopping is far superior to retail stores and this was the perfect example of not planning ahead. I enter Barnes and Noble and they are holding some kiddie convention for Halloween. There is a fire truck and tons of little kids scrambling around in costumes. As I’ve gotten older, my interaction with little kids has essentially become non existent (no jokes here please). I’m usually really good with kids but too many of them is overwhelming and I was seriously about to lose it in the store. Every step I took I was surrounded by the little bastards. Then there is this monster line and I had to get in between 2 moms and their 4 kids and the little kid wouldn’t stop playing with the books and asking questions. I noticed the mom would just let the kid keep talking and then threaten by telling him she wasn’t going to buy the books unless he behaved. I’m being serious here, the line was 100 feet and it took 15 minutes to get through so understand my torture. Also it took me 10 minutes to even find what should be the most popular book in the whole goddamn store. It was actually in a fine spot but they only had 4 copies.

A cruel trick by publishing companies is to release the hardback and charge $35.00 bucks. B&N discounts it 30% so it only came out to be 25.00. Some people might say how high price that is or what a rip but I happily paid the money and didn’t think twice. I want this book. This book entertains me for 50 hours. Give me another form of entertainment you pay 25 bucks and can be entertained for that long. There is no better. Let’s add that you enhance your vocabulary and stimulate your brain, reading isn’t for nerds. People who don’t like to read are probably immersed in electronics or work. I’m actually going to be sad when this Game of Thrones series ends because I’ve been wildly entertained. I have all of the books and would be happy to loan them out if anyone is interested. I plan on writing a huge review once I finish this. I’d guess it would get some decent blog hits. The Shee promised me a review on X-Factor tomorrow night will blog this shit up.

24 Oct, 2011

Football Recap

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-24T09:23:55-04:00October 24th, 2011|Sports|0 Comments

On Saturday, Primetime played the Eskimo Brothers in our weekly co-ed football game. The game started off rocky with Bake throwing a pick on the 2nd or 3rd play of the game. Our defense let up a TD and then, if my memory serves me correctly, Bake threw another pick and they scored again. Down 12-0, the offense kept it together and ended up scoring to bring the game closer. I think it then went score, score to have the game at 19-14 and then a fluke play with 13 seconds in the half happened. They threw a hail mary into triple coverage and the ball was tipped right into their players hands for a TD. Down 2 scores we went into halftime a bit dejected. A defensive adjustment made at the half proved to work well and I caught a lucky break for a pick 6. The defense held again and Big Steve got in the endzone to bust his TD cherry for the team. Toward the end of the game with us being up a few points, Kope picked off their QB near our end zone and the offense sealed the deal. It was probably a closer game than it should have been. Lets of course not forget that CK4 injured his shoulder on a play over the middle and will be sidelined until he feels he’s ready to come back.

Big ups to the Shee for his anything but “lock” of the century in the Denver Broncos heroic comeback with 3 minutes to play. I was giving 2 points and they were down 15-0 with probably 7 minutes left in the 4th. They scored, recovered an onside kick, scored again and Tebow converted. A fg in OT netted me 150 bucks on a big bet on the sure fire “lock”. My fantasy teams have been pretty inconsistent but it looks like I’m going 2-2 this week with a 5th game a toss up. I need Anquan Boldin to score less than 10. This has been an ok season with my teams being 2 5-2’s, 2 3-4’s, and a 1-5 (hopefully 2-5). Hopefully the Run DMC injury isn’t serious. Nothing else of any interest this weekend though.

21 Oct, 2011

How to Make it in America

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:54:46-04:00October 21st, 2011|Tv|0 Comments

There’s a show on HBO called “How to Make it in America” that I find pretty good. I actually find this season to be lackluster but the first season was good. They did have a great scene though between Ben and his current GF where the GF seems upset and Ben asks her what’s wrong. She says that its another guy and that this other guy says that he really wants to be with her. Like REALLY wants to be with her. So she asked Ben what he wanted to do? He didn’t have the same balls to wall feelings for her and they ended up separating. I just thought this scene was interesting because I’ve never been the guy who REALLY wants to be with a girl and would do anything to make that happen even if she’s with another guy. I just take relationships like “well if it happens it happens.” I guess I just saw this scene as the girl is in a situation that even if she did prefer Ben’s company more, the other guy wants her more and she’s better off with someone who will treat her better. It showed me that desiring someone is probably 95% of the battle in finding a relationship. This whole, I’m gonna meet someone by chance isn’t going to happen, if you want it, you make it happen. I probably took way more out of this scene than the average viewer but that’s why I have a blog and the average viewer doesn’t. Also I think Ben is the strangest pick for a lead role because he is sort of a bland jew but it works out well. Anyone else watch this show?

20 Oct, 2011

No money, Mo problems?

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-21T12:58:12-04:00October 20th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

I was listening to Stern the other day and they were interviewing the people who were protesting against, I think because I’m not sure they even know, our financial system. They interviewed this one girl who said the world would be a better place if no one had any money. Sort of a communist or socialist mentality. So I started thinking of a place that literally didn’t have any money. Rather than pick what food you eat, I imagine piles and piles of rice that the general public just scooped from. I envision Oliver Twist like dining. Trading would become your means of survival, which is really just another form of capitalism. People would all dress the same and most likely think the same. Capitalism creates unique ideas that people get rewarded for. It makes people think outside the box instead of like drones. I just can’t imagine living in a society that didn’t reward progress. Our govt is probably pretty devious, selfish, and wasteful, but at least the general population is only somewhat effected by their choices. It’s not like these terrible decisions our govt makes is to put the population in shackles and make them work to death. America is a pretty awesome, FREE, place that people in power abuse. So I understand why people protest and of course not everyone can be happy but I’m still proud to be an American even with all the corruption. It could be worse. Like a society with no money.

19 Oct, 2011

My lips are (not) sealed

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-19T23:07:58-04:00October 19th, 2011|My Life|2 Comments

I know the blog has been pretty bland lately so I’m going to write a good, meaningful entry that comes along every 6 months or so. This idea has been in my pipeline and the way I look at it you all can be the therapist and I’m the patient. Except I don’t really need you to be the therapist, just the audience, but that setting works well for what this entry will bring. Instead of writing about which girls I think are hot, what shows I like, or what words I think are funny, I’m going to bring you into what it’s like to be me and what goes through my head. I have a medium in this blog to share my life experiences with you and you can use how I view things in your own life.

The picture above is my face after getting hit with an elbow in last night’s basketball game. It actually looks worse than it was because the blood above my lip is really just dry blood that washed right off. In the middle of my lip is a cut that is just a fat lip. On the right part of my lip is a weird flesh that is the aftermath of putting my tooth literally through my lip. Now this is a year and a half after the incident so that is what the healing looks like. This particular injury is something that I’d guess 99% of the population doesn’t have to deal with. To say it hasn’t made me self conscious would be a complete lie. Walking into every single conversation for the past 18 months of my life, it is constantly in the back of my mind what impression this scar looks like to other people. Is it an std? Is it some disease? What’s wrong with this guy? Possible circumstances are no ever notices it, everyone always notices, or most likely somewhere in between. I would refer to it as a deformity except I think that is taking away from people who actually have a serious deformity. Every single time I look in the mirror I just want this to heal up so I can feel like nothing is wrong.

I’m in a situation for my job that I’m the face of the company. When I go to the tradeshow, I’m the person who is talking with presidents of companies, owners, important decision makers and the last thing I need on my mind is how they perceive my appearance. But I have no choice but to deal with it. I know that most people have something about them that makes them insecure but try having that something on your face that everyone sees when they are talking to you. I have complete empathy for all sorts of human issues that people have in similar scenarios. I can’t have normal conversations without thinking about this.

That scar represents more than just a messed up part of my lip. It’s a reminder of stupid things in my past that got me where I am today. My life stupidity has earned me way more than that. A quick run through for people who don’t really know me that well: frostbite on my foot, chipped teeth twice, broken ankle, bruises on my knees and elbows that would make me the poster child for the colors black and blue, underages, public drunkenness, rides in paddy wagons, and I’m still probably leaving out numerous incidents. I have issues with alcohol and I am an alcoholic but not the kind that gets a bad rap. I don’t come home and need to have a drink. I probably drink 2-3 times a week and when I have one beer it turns into 5 which turns into 10 and there is no off switch. It’s difficult because I don’t find life incredibly entertaining sober. Some say it’s better but I say it ain’t, it’s better to laugh with the sinners than die with the saints, the sinners are much more fun. I’ve accepted the fact that I choose some sort of lifestyle that involves those various incidents. They define my character.

I think at this point people probably ask why would I share this with anyone who reads my blog? I’m not looking for pity, support, encouragement, it’s not anything like that. I think people like to read about other peoples lives. They want to understand how other people think, feel, what they’ve been through, and everything else that makes them question their own identity. I want people to read this and know that I’m ok the way I am. I’ve overcome all that bs and have still, still, made out fantastic. I was lucky and born into a fantastic family, I have a great job, I work hard at staying in shape and being healthy (to some degree), and I’m legitimately happy. I’m not your average guy who graduates college, gets a job, gets a wife and then gets a family. It’s not who I am. I’m almost 28, no girlfriend, no real plans for the future and I don’t care if society urges the traditional approach. I’m not the norm and won’t cater to people telling me what I should want. I know this post took a radical turn from me telling you how stupid I can be but I’m also telling you that you can be happy even if you are stupid. I really am not sure what the point of this post was other than for you to read it. The next time you talk to me, I’m not looking for you to bring up this post. It’s more like, I’ve said it, you know it, let’s move on. Hope you enjoyed it.

18 Oct, 2011

It’s always awesome

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-18T08:17:56-04:00October 18th, 2011|My Brain|3 Comments

Something I’ve noticed throughout my years is that certain people tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth. Here’s an example, if you just read my post directly below this you would know that I had a pretty fun time in Ft. Lauderdale. Yet, I really didn’t leave out any detail and I don’t think there were too many parts that were indescribably awesome . I had a good time and I did exactly what I expected to do but I see no reason to gloat about how good of time I had.

So if you ask me how my trip was, I feel like the automatic response from most people would be “I had the time of my life.” Common folk feel the need to hype everything up so that they gain your respect. If they said it was awful, you’d wonder what was wrong with them and how they couldn’t have a thrilling time on vacation. When I ask you a question, I don’t want to hear some bullshit. Everything can’t always be fun and good. This works with practically everything not just vacations. Ask people about movies, albums or events and you’ll notice how people describe things. The person who says everything is great is pretty much useless. Now sometimes I will give people the generic response if I really don’t feel like going into detail but this should only be used rarely or else you gain the reputation I’d described. More people than you think do this and be on the lookout for random info.

17 Oct, 2011

Expect the post

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:55:52-04:00October 17th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

I’m finally back in the Philly area and will be posting with normal frequency again. After reading Nicole’s post and the in depth detail of their adventure in a foreign country, I’ll bring you my adventure in less thrilling, but more degenerate style. I briefly went over where I was but that was 2 beers deep, on the couch at 10am on Friday, and I can do a better job.

On Thursday, I attended the show again and went to the airport for a flight to Ft. Lauderdale. Atlanta’s airport was congested and a real shithole. All I wanted to do was sit at a bar and have a beer and it was a nightmare of annoying people. The flight was smooth and I met the Rock at the airport. We went to the Blue Martini and had a couple beers before going to the Beer supermarket where I bought a 12 pack of this really good Coney Island Craft beer. We also purchased 2 cigars which I’ll explain what happened to. Rock and I went to Duffy’s to kill some time while we waited for CK4 from the airport. I probably had another 2 34oz beers there during their “2 for 1 happy hour.” Tons of places have happy hours. When CK4 arrived we bought an 18 pack of Coors Light from the Publix and had killed some more time before heading to the Blue Martini again. The Rock had to work on Friday so we left a little early and I decided to smoke one of the cigars on the balcony. Ck4 and I drank 12 beers total to raise my solo count to 14+ beers for the day.

Ck4 and I had the day to kill by ourselves on Friday while the Rock worked. I woke up and drank a beer or two before we went down to the beach and had a 26 dollar breakfast. After that we went to Hooters where I bought a 23oz cup for 11 bucks that also came with a Hooters calender. I had 3 23 oz beers there and was only charged for 2. Next we killed some time playing pool and decided to go to the Blue Martini. You’ll notice me mention this bar fairly often and it’s because they have a 2-8 happy hour and bartenders with the right assets. I started with a Corona and quickly moved to 3 various martinis. By 4 (I guess) I was pretty drunk and we went back to the Rock’s place. I smoked the cigar that the Rock bought and went to the pool. I passed out after that and woke back up at 8. I had a craft beer or two and than we went to McSorley’s which had an unlimited happy hour from 8-10. You pay 20 bucks and you can drink top shelf which suited us fine. I was drinking Red Bull and Grey Goose and had 4-5. Things start getting a little hazy at this point. Rock and I (no CK4) somehow ended up at Solid Gold. My recollection there isn’t great but after some money being spent, we found ourselves back at the Blue Martini buying Ashton cigars. After drinking some scotch, smoking the cigars, and discussing important life matters, I had to call it quits at 2am.

Saturday is college football day so I woke up at 9:30, had a beer or two, and started making some bets. I put 200 bucks on whatever team Wisconsin was giving 40 points to and I bet on Purdue against PSU. This netted a 100 dollar loss. We were watching the game at Duffy’s where I had 2 more 34 oz beers and a New York Strip Steak. CK4 got driven back to the airport where the Rock got caught in a malicious speed trap. After that I fell a sleep for an hour and two and the Rock and I went to a restaurant called Yardhouse or something. They had some seedy casino where I won 40 bucks at a electronic table. I placed some money on Oklahoma, which lost, and we watched the game at a place called the Lulu’s Bait Shack or something. We split a bucket of 5 beers, I had a shot of Rumplemintz, and called it a night.

On Sunday, I packed up my shit and we headed down to the Quarterdeck to watch the NFL games. I still had plenty of money in my account but couldn’t muster up a bet after losing 3 big ones in a row. I had 3 Coors Lights and he drove me to the airport. Ft Lauderdale is a smaller airport and it was a breeze getting through. I arrived back yesterday feeling pretty tired and out of it but I’m finally starting to fully recover and feeling like my normal self. Aside from the one night, I was pretty coherent the entire time and enjoyed the nice landscape of Florida. We didn’t really do anything extraordinary but it was a nice change from PA. I probably had near 50 drinks in this time frame which would certainly classify myself as an alcoholic but technically this was vacation.

14 Oct, 2011

ATL and FT Lauderdale

By Tom Stortz|2011-10-14T10:09:51-04:00October 14th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

I’m typing this at a place that’s better than you. I’m in FT Lauderdale overlooking the ocean on a dock that has multi-million dollar yachts. I’m coming from a place that is one of the worst places on Earth. I was not a fan of Atlanta. I was wandering around downtown and stumbled into the “underground”. Needless to say I was the only white person in the area and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had multiple people ask me “if I was good?” I was ready to sprint on a moments notice. Atlanta just isn’t a nice place. I walked Centennial Park, saw the Aquarium and World of Coca Cola but I wouldn’t want to vacation there. Currently I’m in a place I would like to vacation. This is Ft. Lauderdale. The weather is great, the girls are skinny with big breasts, and I would really like to live here. If I had enough money I would buy a place in FL. This is a vacation of sorts, so I’m going to enjoy it and not feel guilty about not being at work. This is what its all about. No more sitting at a desk pushing papers.