I know the blog has been pretty bland lately so I’m going to write a good, meaningful entry that comes along every 6 months or so. This idea has been in my pipeline and the way I look at it you all can be the therapist and I’m the patient. Except I don’t really need you to be the therapist, just the audience, but that setting works well for what this entry will bring. Instead of writing about which girls I think are hot, what shows I like, or what words I think are funny, I’m going to bring you into what it’s like to be me and what goes through my head. I have a medium in this blog to share my life experiences with you and you can use how I view things in your own life.
The picture above is my face after getting hit with an elbow in last night’s basketball game. It actually looks worse than it was because the blood above my lip is really just dry blood that washed right off. In the middle of my lip is a cut that is just a fat lip. On the right part of my lip is a weird flesh that is the aftermath of putting my tooth literally through my lip. Now this is a year and a half after the incident so that is what the healing looks like. This particular injury is something that I’d guess 99% of the population doesn’t have to deal with. To say it hasn’t made me self conscious would be a complete lie. Walking into every single conversation for the past 18 months of my life, it is constantly in the back of my mind what impression this scar looks like to other people. Is it an std? Is it some disease? What’s wrong with this guy? Possible circumstances are no ever notices it, everyone always notices, or most likely somewhere in between. I would refer to it as a deformity except I think that is taking away from people who actually have a serious deformity. Every single time I look in the mirror I just want this to heal up so I can feel like nothing is wrong.
I’m in a situation for my job that I’m the face of the company. When I go to the tradeshow, I’m the person who is talking with presidents of companies, owners, important decision makers and the last thing I need on my mind is how they perceive my appearance. But I have no choice but to deal with it. I know that most people have something about them that makes them insecure but try having that something on your face that everyone sees when they are talking to you. I have complete empathy for all sorts of human issues that people have in similar scenarios. I can’t have normal conversations without thinking about this.
That scar represents more than just a messed up part of my lip. It’s a reminder of stupid things in my past that got me where I am today. My life stupidity has earned me way more than that. A quick run through for people who don’t really know me that well: frostbite on my foot, chipped teeth twice, broken ankle, bruises on my knees and elbows that would make me the poster child for the colors black and blue, underages, public drunkenness, rides in paddy wagons, and I’m still probably leaving out numerous incidents. I have issues with alcohol and I am an alcoholic but not the kind that gets a bad rap. I don’t come home and need to have a drink. I probably drink 2-3 times a week and when I have one beer it turns into 5 which turns into 10 and there is no off switch. It’s difficult because I don’t find life incredibly entertaining sober. Some say it’s better but I say it ain’t, it’s better to laugh with the sinners than die with the saints, the sinners are much more fun. I’ve accepted the fact that I choose some sort of lifestyle that involves those various incidents. They define my character.
I think at this point people probably ask why would I share this with anyone who reads my blog? I’m not looking for pity, support, encouragement, it’s not anything like that. I think people like to read about other peoples lives. They want to understand how other people think, feel, what they’ve been through, and everything else that makes them question their own identity. I want people to read this and know that I’m ok the way I am. I’ve overcome all that bs and have still, still, made out fantastic. I was lucky and born into a fantastic family, I have a great job, I work hard at staying in shape and being healthy (to some degree), and I’m legitimately happy. I’m not your average guy who graduates college, gets a job, gets a wife and then gets a family. It’s not who I am. I’m almost 28, no girlfriend, no real plans for the future and I don’t care if society urges the traditional approach. I’m not the norm and won’t cater to people telling me what I should want. I know this post took a radical turn from me telling you how stupid I can be but I’m also telling you that you can be happy even if you are stupid. I really am not sure what the point of this post was other than for you to read it. The next time you talk to me, I’m not looking for you to bring up this post. It’s more like, I’ve said it, you know it, let’s move on. Hope you enjoyed it.