Ab Test Day 4

Both of my brothers were the only people who came up with the correct answer of 29,178. 9 girls with 9 packs EACH. Means 81 packs. 9 Big cats times 81 packs is 729 big cats. 9 small cat per big cat makes 6,561 small cats. (6561 x 4 legs) + (729 x 4 legs) + (9 x 2) = 29,178
There are no tricks to this word problem, just basic math. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t get the right answer, we all can’t be as smarts as the Stortz’s. (Can you have apostrophe s after z?)

I’m beginning to feel like a fool and tool for posting pictures of my stomach daily. I really haven’t noticed much change from Monday and I’m beginning to think my amazing results I was expecting aren’t too amazing. Nevertheless, Day 4 below.
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I was 10 seconds better yesterday in a 4 mile run finishing it in 23:10. I have no doubt I can hit under 23 on the treadmill. I probably won’t be going to the gym today because Thursday night football is on and a bet is most likely taking place. I’m going to take the home team with the points and root like a wildman for TO. Chad has him on his fantasy team and I need a everything to play out perfectly, like the eagles to the playoffs last year, to take place for me to make the playoffs and his W is a key component. I also have to save some money for the Florida-Alabama game. I think I’m pulling for Alabama because they usually pay the bills and I want to see Tebow lose.

By |2011-11-29T00:27:16-05:00December 3rd, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

10 Dollar Winner

I offer 10 dollars to the first person who comes up with the correct answer. This not a trick question and I assume someone will get it right. You can google this question but if you want to be a douche and ruin the integrity of the game, that’s up to you. One answer only (it tracks IP Addresses) and you can leave it in the comment section. To the question:

* There are 9 girls in a bus.
* Each girl has 9 backpacks.
* In each backpack, there are 9 big
cats.
* For every big cat there are 9 little
cats.
Question: How many legs are there in the bus?

By |2010-01-26T22:15:50-05:00December 2nd, 2009|My Life|8 Comments

Mid-Week

Day 3 Stomach

Day 3

Day 3

I’m starting to feel better again. Yesterday I turned in 4 miles at 23:20 which is 5:50 miles on a treadmill. It’s hard to put a true value on that because running on a treadmill has it’s time advantages considering it’s flat and all machines have different power for their speeds. I’m feeling much better though after 3 days of no alcohol. My brain actually functions properly and I feel, for no better way to put it, good. I’ll stay on track for the next couple days and then we’ll see where Friday leads.

After losing the pats bet on Monday I’m back to the sideline. -100 for the season and no real urge to make any wagers. The gambling gods will let me know if I should take any action in the next couple days. I haven’t been playing poker either as I’m taking a short break. I actually started reading the Associate by John Grisham. I wouldn’t say I’m a huge John Grisham fan, but I prefer his books over the cop-hunt-killer books. Other than that though, it’s go to work, go to the gym, go to sleep.

A quirky pet peeve of mine just to conclude on an unusual thought. My gas tank was pretty low and then the light came on. I don’t know about everyone else, but this just gives me this uneasy feeling. I know there are about 3 gallons of gas after the light so I can drive for about 50+ plus miles, but there is just something unsettling when this light comes on. Personally, I rarely let the light come on. When I see I’m getting even remotely close, I usually fill up. And I always fill it up. I don’t understand people who put in 5 dollars. You are just going to be back there in a day or two. Back to the light. The light is like a sense of urgency which is a feeling I try to avoid. Kramer would talk about the adrenaline rush from riding on E, but I prefer to be on the F. Being on F is like a feeling of well being and things are all right. No real point here other than if you like riding on E, our styles differ dramatically.

By |2010-01-21T00:34:11-05:00December 2nd, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Rare Monday and the experiment

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I usually don’t post on Monday’s because I feel like shit and this is the last thing I feel like thinking about. However, I have decided to make a post to sum up my last couple days and express some thoughts through my head. A quick financial summary – I went 3 for 4 on my sports bets to tally a +150 weekend, which puts me at exactly even for the season. After 12 weeks of the season to be even with the book is actually amazing. I threw a c-note on the pats at +1.5 tonight so that will swing me in one direction.

Yesterday I was complaining about being sad and depressed. This is actually pretty easy to understand why. 4 days of no work had ended and it was back to work today. Plus, and this is gonna sound really gay, seeing my brothers back from school and all these other people who I used to see while growing up and realizing that that phase of my life is ending, sort of makes me think about the past and it’s just depressing in a sense. It’s all normal and there isn’t anything you can do about it but it just gets me thinking. Also the aftermath effect alcohol has on the body can make you feel down.

To summarize things from my poker playing; not so good. We held a live tourny on Saturday where we had 30+ people play. I finished 5th but I really felt I played great the entire time. I didn’t once get it in behind the entire tourney and it was just a bit unlucky to run my 88 into 99 on my final hand. I also played a 2000 person tournament and finished 265th. Problem was the buy in was 11 dollars and it paid out 16. So I wasted 5 hours for 4 dollars. I also busted from the Sunday Million early when I couldn’t win 2 races. I still think I’m playing well but luck has not been on my side. I think I’m going to play in a live tourny on Wed so I expect to do well.

If you read the title you would wonder what my experiment is. Basically after 4 days of heavy drinking, I look and feel like a loaf. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic but I certainly do abuse the shit out of it on weekends. After these 4 days of drinking I end up feeling shitty and wondering why I do this to myself. What I want to do with this blog is show you what the effect of abusing alcohol is on the body, mainly my stomach.

In the past 4 days I think I’ve probably consumed about 50+ beers. At 100 calories per beer, we have 5000 calories in 4 days not counting any food. That’s about 2 days of what my daily intake should be if I were eating healthy, which explains why I have no appetite on days after I drink heavily. Considering I didn’t work out at all, this is the main driver for why I feel like shit. This is the end result of my stomach after this unhealthy binge. P4170181

My theory is that all the liquid goes to the love handles. What I plan to do with this blog is take a picture for 5 consecutive days of how my body transforms when I treat it with respect. I will go to the gym for 5 straight days, do some light lifting, and then run 3-5 miles at a 6 minute pace. I’m not doing this to impress people but for my own knowledge and to understand how negatively beer works on my body. If you want to give me derogatory comments about how stupid this is or how you could care less, that is completely ok with me. I would actually like to do this for a couple of weeks but I have a feeling that isn’t possible. I have a plan that instead of getting wasted Friday I’ll leave work and drive straight to AC and try to play a long long poker session. I’ll will keep this posted on a daily basis. That is all.

By |2010-01-27T14:22:54-05:00November 30th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Almost Holiday

A couple of days off is always nice. I have no plans outside of Thanksgiving dinner with the normal family. I’ve eliminated sports betting from my daily life after hitting the 100 bucks to the red for the season. This is such a nominal amount of money but it’s more about the -EV that comes along with betting. I’m not saying I’ll never bet on another game again, but when I’m sober, I really have no urge for the action. Without watching sports on TV, this leaves me playing poker. I appear to have received a nice cash out curse from stars. I don’t really believe in this but I have seemed to take a turn for the worst. My big pairs don’t hold against small pairs, people hit flushes, dominated hands get me drawing dead on the flop. Standard stuff that everyone who play poker whines about from time to time. I intend to take a break and maybe get into it a bit more when I have a few days off. I satellited into the Sunday Mill through FPP’s on Sunday. I finished an uneventful 2000 out of 8000.
Other than boring gambling nonsense, everything else has been just as boring. The curb’s season finale was certainly good. Sort of makes me want to see them bring Seinfeld back. I thought the Californication was average but Rick Springfield is still entertaining. Dexter had a nice twist at the end which has me looking forward to next week. I’ve confessed to watching Glee before and I’m actually starting to get annoyed with it. They use up the whole show with songs and I think they have run out of story. Quinn is really hot though and even though she’s 18 in the show, I think she’s 23 in real life, so it’s all good.
That’s it. Wish I had something exciting to write about. I’ll have to turn to some rants I’ve been saving up because my life has turned to blah. Till next time.

By |2016-11-02T00:02:07-04:00November 24th, 2009|My Life|1 Comment

No New Business

Not much has changed since my last post. I don’t really have anything of interest to write about but to take the advice of Evan Cohen, it doesn’t really matter what you write about as long as it’s something. To expand, people come to the site because, most likely, they are bored and are looking for something to keep them entertained for a minute or two. If there is not a new post up when the person goes to this site, they are disappointed and will hold it against me because of my lack of attention to this blog. So as long as I write something, anything, people are satisfied. However, to the people who read this, they are sitting there thinking, “why am I wasting my time when all this guy is doing is rambling about how boring he thinks my life must be because I am reading his blog.” I have felt this feeling of boredom that you are experiencing. Basically, you are sitting there, you have nothing to do or maybe you have something to do but you don’t feel like doing it. You’ve already channel surfed and although Saving Silverman is on you’ve seen it countless times and there has to be something more productive to do. So you go to your computer and log into facebook. Sometimes I like to click on one of my friends and then it shows mutual friends, and then I’ll click on my favorite mutual friend and then it brings up more mutual friends and then I repeat the process until I think why the fuck am I wasting my time doing this. Or you click on one of your friends and they are in a photo album but it’s the album of a foreign friend and you click on the pictures and you realize you are slideshowing through pictures of a random persons trip to Italy and once that I happens I just X facebook, put my head in my hands and wonder what has become of me. Anyway, you have for some reason found my page and now I am entertaining you with my mindless drivel. No worries, I’ll give you the lowdown of anything I think is pertinent ranging from gambling to TV to drinking, all of my favorite activities.

To start, my sports betting days have come to a screeching halt. After wagering 350 on Vanderbilt two weeks ago (and winning) i’ve been on a 1-8 slide losing all of that money plus another hundred, bringing my season total to the minus 75 dollars. I could go into detail but it hurts to much to recount. I only made one bet this weekend and it was on Pittsburgh who couldn’t cover. That’s one bet in 2 weeks and I’m hoping to stay away as long as I can.

I’ve been investing my time into poker once again. I bought holdem manager a while back, bought sharkscope, and have re-subscribed to cardrunners. Basically all of this is important to being a winning player. If you play and don’t use these tools, most likely you are not a winning player. To be honest, I invested about a grand in two months with absolutely no return. Losing players blame it on bad luck, but I was honest with myself and knew I had some leaks that I had to plug. Considering I’m writing about it, it’s safe to say I’ve turned the ship around and have been playing what I consider high level poker. I have 3 final tables in 3 days taking 5th, 3rd, and 2nd in 12 dollar 180 man tournaments. I’ve also been playing 16 turbos and 20 dollar HU to round off my tables. In my opinion, I haven’t even been “grinding” long hours but I expect to change if I can keep up this little run.

Quick TV update. Californication is the best show on television. If you don’t watch this show and you like crude sexual humor, you are seriously missing out. The last episode was phenomenal and I’m liking this season much more than the last one with Lou. Becca sort of gets on my nerves but it’s really just an awesome show. The stripper is hot, Felicia is a hot milf, I can’t remember the beat TA’s name (jill?) but this love triangle cracks me up and my wish to be Hank Moody and have all these girls love me while still being an asshole, grows with each episode. Seriously, I come out of this show wondering how I can be more like Hank.

Dexter is sort of building up to the climax which I like. The episodes have been a little slow and the LeGurta-Angel thing is annoying, but John Lithgow is playing a good role and I’m anticipating quality last couple episodes. Wagon and I were cracking up when Lithgow barged into the Asians house and then when they said they were going to call they police, Lithgow was like “don’t be absurd!” Bow-Chicka-Wowow by Masuka was good too.

Curb has been on point. This show is one of my favorite 30 minute times slots of the week. If you don’t watch it you are really being a tard. I feel like they give Jerry this aura of being better than everyone else. When Funkhauser told his joke and Jerry was like “I like him, he’s crazy,” that had me rolling. Even though I think Leon has this mandatory requirement to be funny, which usually bothers me, he plays the part well and actually is hilarious. Just watch the show if you have no clue what I’m talking about.

I’ve been buying these variety pack beers. Yards last week and the halloween Magic hat before that. The thing I’m not taking into consideration is the alcohol content of some of these. I have seen multiple that get into 6-7%. What happens is I’ll drink 12 or so, do a couple shots, and then next thing you know I’ll be blacked out for hours. Last Saturday, I literally can’t remember anything from 10-2. I can only imagine how I act and getting home safely is a miracle. You’d think at my age I would stop clowning around like this but I just never change. Mon-Thurs I don’t drink an act like a normal human being, which is how I want to act. But come Friday and after a couple beers it just becomes a shit show and I try to impress myself with how much alcohol I can consume with no regard to the fact that I’m going to become a puddle. However, this weekend is another opportunity and I will make an attempt to do better. That is all.

By |2016-10-28T15:53:21-04:00November 18th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Pitt and JN*G

I haven’t been updating this because I don’t write when I’m away and I’m not going to write about the same stuff I’ve wrote about previously.

I went to Pitt on Thursday for a long weekend because it was homecoming. I vowed to never go back after the last time I was there. It was my first time going back there in 3 years, so that is about the length of time I needed to clear my head of bad memories. For the people who don’t know why I never want to go back here’s a snapshot. n14214687_32338810_7773
I’ve told the story plenty of times but I was fucked up off of Jack and cokes and started to run down the sidewalk only to trip, face plant into the curb, and then to add insult to injury get a public drunkenness from the pitt police. It cost me 1100 dollars, 2 root canals, and a 350 dollar fine from Pitt. So I went into this trip with my sole purpose to avoid trouble.

I stayed with my brother Jeff and I’m proud to say that he’s holding down the Stortz name. I walk into his apt and there’s a hole in the apt building put there by his roommate who decided to spiderwalk? by putting his hands and feet on both sides of the wall and ended up going through. (I think that’s right). So we get some beer and start drinking. He likes The Office and It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia so we watched them and then went to the bar. I find the two shows to be overrated. I don’t think they are bad but not the best I’ve seen. His roommates were trying to claim 30 rock is a good show but after watching one episode, it’s not. We got some Tequila shots at the bar and I saw some youngin’s who I knew and some old heads I went to school with. Pretty standard night.

Wake up on Friday at 11 or so, drink a beer, have lunch with big Steve where we had 3 pints. Then at 4 it was time to play bball (somewhat drunk). I had my Pitt id so that was easy enough getting in. I ended up losing it so I think that is symbolism for my next return. I want to give Jeff’s roommate Steve some respect for picking me up on his team after we lost and then actually saying I was part of his 5 after other people were looking to play. This seems to me commonplace for people to just pick up the best available players but he showed some loyalty. After bball I showered and had some beers then met up with some people I went to school with. It was pretty standard go to the bar, have some drinks, and bullshit, then go home. Nothing out of line.

Woke up on Sat, bought a case of Winter Lager and stared drinking. Jeff brought out a Hookah and I ate this delicious brownie. After an hour or two, I think the combination of the tobacco from the Hookah and the brownie put me out. It’s a weird thing, I don’t really ever smoke tobacco aside from the occasional cigar but I think I inhale way to much of the smoke and it tends to make me nauseous. So I passed out at 2:30 till about 5 and then woke up and drank a few beers. I watched my friends band play and than shaded back to Oakland to call it a night. I didn’t do anything too retarded the entire trip and then I drove back safely the next day. All in all it was a tame trip. I’m not sure if it was because I’m getting older or I didn’t want to find myself out of control in a city I hadn’t been to in 3 years. I didn’t rail any 19 years olds or get arrested or anything out of ordinary so don’t bother asking.

Some side notes. I had money riding on FSU, Pitt and Miss which were all winners. I went 3-3 on Sunday but my 3 wins were all bigger bets than the 3 losses. And I made 125 on the game last night. This puts me at +65 dollars after 7 weeks of the football season. All in all it’s pretty good for me. Problem is I have hundreds of dollars in my account and the more money that’s in there the bigger the bets get. I’ll keep the gambling situation updated. Also, I joined cardrunners again to try to win in poker. I’ve been on a real ugly downswing since I started 2 months ago and I’m trying to plug some leaks. Once I start to win again I’m sure I’ll write more about it.

I wanted to take this last paragraph and devote it to Jeff. Just to preface, I’m the oldest brother and I set the precedent for everyone below me. This means that they have goals to work towards and know how hard they have to work. Jeff is pretty much a better runner than me. He was 16:21 in a 5k and I was 17:30 something this year plus all his Pr’s are better. He is definitely a better shooter in bball which puts him ahead because we are probably similar in defense in rebounding (he might be a bit soft under the boards and people get terrified when they step in my house of pain). He dominates in GH. (except compared to Sam) I probably can drink more so that would be a good challenge. Although the best part is that he gets just as fucked up as I do so that always leads to entertainment. Basically he’s growing up to be a better me. I’m honored he’s a Stortz and I look forward to many years of debauchery.

By |2010-01-21T00:34:52-05:00October 27th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Nothing Doing

I have nothing going on. I haven’t posted in a while but it’s because nothing is happening. I’ve been playing poker and betting on sports unsuccessfully but it’s not enough money to make it really mean anything. It’s basically a form of entertainment that consumes time. I’m reading a John Grisham book and i’m sure that’s news everyone’s dying to know. I have to catch up on Califonication and Dexter, but I’ll that today, so I’ll be caught up on all my shows. I dvr’d St Elmo’s Fire, ET, The goonies, and I still want to get Sling Blade and Apocalypse Now so that will occupy some time. I’m getting lazy in going to the gym and I hate the cold. I’m not in a bad or good mood, just passing the time waiting for something to happen. Obviously I should / could make something happen but as of now I’m content doing nothing. Bad post, I know. Usually Monday’s are my least creative days and I think it shows. I’ll think of something for tomorrow.

By |2016-11-02T00:02:23-04:00October 19th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Can you see the real me DR?

This is my first post in more than a week so I’ll fill the people who read this on what I’ve been doing lately. I was in Tampa from Mon of last week till Thursday. I went there for a sheet metal roofing show. I went there by myself and stayed with a guy who was exhibiting at the show. On Mon, there was a company who was hosting a deep sea fishing trip and we were invited. It was the first time I ever had a chance to really catch something and wound up catching 3 fish including a grouper (when I use the terminology ((wrong spelling?)) it makes it seem like I know what I’m talking about). It was actually pretty easy you just hook the bait, drop the line, and wait til the idiot fish catches itself. I had a couple of beers and then we went to a part of Tampa called Eybor. It was pretty dead on a Monday but they had a lot of cigar bars and a mix of crowd from homeless, to grunge, to trance, to fag. I drank a Cuban coffee and smoked a Cuban cigar while there. It was not really my kind of area but I could see how getting wasted and bar hopping would be fun.

Tuesday, the show started so I did that deal for the day. Then we went to an open bar hosted by a magazine afterwards. I pounded 4 Boston lagers in 15 minutes and then we met 3 random bros who ran a multi-million dollar company and spur of the moment decided to go to a first class steak house. These guys we met were real herb-rednecks with engineering backgrounds. Just to give you an idea, they were from Oregon and the one guy owned 50 guns, not to mention he shot a squirrel and then cooked and ate it. The steakhouse we went to was called Bern’s and it really was awesome. The meal was around 75 bucks but that included the steak and some sides so it wasn’t too bad. We got a tour of the kitchen and the wine cellar, which was claimed as the largest privately owned collection. Then we had dessert in this upstairs section with waitresses that were all dimes. After that we had some drinks at the hotel and called it a night.

Wednesday was another day of the show. I woke up at 8:30 and went for a run around Tampa. I honestly love the weather. Waking up early and it being 80 degrees and perfect is my type of weather. After the run I went to the Marriott’s pool and swam for a while. I was all sweaty and it says to shower before going in the pool but I never understood that because I thought that’s what chlorine is for. After that I did the show and we went to another open bar hosted by another company. I think I drank like 10 lagers and then when it closed at 10 switched to straight crown. With a pretty good buzz going I decided that this was my last night and someone told me I should visit Mons Venus. When I’ve had a lot to drink I tend to wander off by myself. So I took a cab to 2001 (which is across the street) and let the party begin. Literally within 30 seconds some fine ass broad convinces me into the backroom. I’m a huge sucker in strip clubs and I think the girls can smell it. Anyway it’s 5 bucks to get in the back and then 25 for a dance that last 2-3 minutes. They are fully topless and bottomless (so they can’t serve alcohol at the bar) and all 8’s or better. This girl is trying to sell me on a 200 buck spaceship ride or 400 for a blastoff where your guess is as good as mine. I figure I’ve only been there 5 minutes and should at least get some bang for my buck. I humor 3 or 4 other girls and get lap dances. One girl, my true love, had the prettiest face and slamming body and if she wasn’t a stripper I think I’d make her my wife Borat style. She told me that there was absolutely no sex in the club no matter what the girls will say. Unfortunately my true love gave the worst lap dance ever but it was OK. I know after reading this I should have some great ending to the story but all I really did was leave and go back to the hotel.

Thursday went quick. I went to the airport. Drank 4 tall beers of Bass and had 2 shots of Johnnie Walker Black at Chile’s and then boarded the plane. I think I snore after I drink a lot so I hope I didn’t while I passed out on the plane. I forgot to write that Jamie Moyer was on my flight going to Tampa. On the way back I was stuck between a dyke and a fatso so I was better off zonked out.

That was the Tampa Trip. Here I am on Tuesday, sitting at work at 5:26 surrounded by lots of work. My dad has a pinched nerve in his spine and is having surgery on Nov 4th. This puts me in the captains chair at work for a while which is going to be stressful. I’ve learned alot since I’ve started and will get good experiencing running the show.

I’ve spent the last few days getting bombed and gambling on sports. I ended up losing whatever roll I had this weekend so that would mean I’m down 250 on the football season. This equates to 50 bucks a week which may sound like a lot, but it does hold it’s entertainment value. I hit a dinger in softball on Saturday because I hit it over this hermaphrodites head in right center. I went to Club Risque on Saturday to blow some more cash and now I’m sitting sober for the next couple days recovering from my 7 day bender. I drank each day for the past 7 days and made multiple poor decisions including a power hour on Saturday at 4pm. Good thing is though that I made it through and am ready for what next week has to offer. A final point, if your life is as entertaining as mind and isn’t costing you a fortune, let me know, because I’ll be living on the streets in no time at this rate.

FYI for your music noobs, the title of this post is from a Who song that everyone should listen too. (The real me)

By |2010-07-08T00:57:36-04:00October 13th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

The Present

Motion City Soundtrack has a song called the future freaks me out. The future doesn’t freak me out but instead it’s the present. My dad is going to list our building on Vine st with a realtor. This means that we will be getting offers on our building which he eventually will sell. Once sold, then we have to move the business to another location, which effects where I decide to live next year. Also, I booked a flight to Tampa to see a Metal Roofing show for a couple of days next week. An owner of another company is looking to partner with us and help him distribute his own line of tools. He has so many ideas, and me not being a roofer, it’s hard to know which ones are going to be successful and which to ditch. Furthermore, I just had to tell our box making guy that his competitor is 700 dollars cheaper and I don’t think it’s fair to reward him with the business even if he is willing to meet their prices. My solder supply is out and I’m looking at a new source but after I experimented with it it left a green residue which makes me believe it’s an inferior product most likely imported. The German could possibly be getting our hammer from another source and his price has gotten out of control so we are considering our options. A competitor has come out with a lower price ripper so we have to decide if we want to come up with a new design to compete or leave it as is. We are out of stock on 150-B’s which sucks because it’s going to be a while to get them in and customers are gonna start freaking out. I need to open up a new roth because I didn’t like the way my financial adviser set up my current roth so I quit him and decided to do it myself. This is all on top of the fact that I blew my poker roll last night by drinking 8 beers and donking away 300 bucks by playing 115 hu sngs and 60 turbos, so I feel like a schmuck. I got holdem manager and every thing set up so I had high hopes going into it but my drunk self put a set back on my plan. My credit card bill this month is gradually growing to the point that I’m scared to look. I sold some of my stock because I’m freaked out that things are going to get haywire. I feel like I’ve stepped into Willy Wonka’s anti gravity room and there’s a cluster fuck of bullshit surrounding me. I’m sorry I didn’t put paragraphs but it’s a symbol for how I feel. This is how haggard I look.

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By |2016-10-27T22:30:25-04:00October 1st, 2009|My Life|0 Comments
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