We Don't Walk Slow

20 Oct, 2015

Max on 2 Broke Girls

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:27:53-04:00October 20th, 2015|Tv|2 Comments

[dropcap background=”yes” color=”#333333″]2[/dropcap] Broke Girls is now being prominently shown on TBS using Kat Dennings breasts as magnets. There is an actual commercial that focuses strictly on her boobs. Like, up close. Full zoom. I’m pretty sure it’s intentional. There should also be a study to see if they have their own gravitational pull.

This is hardly newsworthy except I’ve found myself checking in to 2 Broke Girls even the show itself is not very good. The laugh track is unbearable and the jokes are too PG for my humor. Even though I know I don’t like the show, I still subconsciously look for snippets of what I can only believe are Kat Dennings breasts.

2 Broke Girls is the anti-porn. With internet porn being readily available for well over a decade, people are open to new ideas such as clothed breasts. Hiring actors with big breasts is hardly new (Sofia Vergara on Modern Family, Kaley Cuoco in Big Bang, Rachel in Friends ((her’s might not have been overly big but they were accentuated at every moment)), but this show is embracing and promoting it. Jokes are structured around her boobs.

I’ve seen hundreds of boobs but her’s are magical because they have never been exposed and the show keeps them hidden behind that uniform. My brain keeps trying to picture them and it truly racks the mind. It’s the brilliance behind this show. Her character on the show is also a bitch which may also upgrade her. Her co-star is undoubtedly the hotter actress but doesn’t contain as much sex appeal (although her legs are killer).

My mom watches this show and enjoys it for different reasons than myself. She actually thinks it’s a good show (which it very well may be) but I just watched Fargo last night and we’re in different stratospheres of what makes a good show. My belief is this show only exists, and does well, because of Kat’s boobs. Not her face. Not her acting. Just her boobs. They steal the show.

Kat Dennings Gallery

: Can you make your elbows touch?

: Kat Dennings in the 40 Year Old Virgin

: Curvy Kat Dennings

: Glasses are good.

19 Oct, 2015

4 Years Later

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-19T14:47:44-04:00October 19th, 2015|My Life|1 Comment

I went to the DMV today on 8th and Arch to get my updated license. Normally the DMV is filled with long lines but I was in and out within 5 minutes. I went at 11:45am on a Monday if anyone wants to file that away. I was only in there a short amount of time but one irate customer was berating a security guard telling him to come outside and that he’s a joke authority figure. It was cruel.
Here is what 4 years looks like.

First and foremost, I think I look better as I’ve gotten older. Perhaps it’s the lighting and better technology but my 31 year old self is more distinguished than that little guy in the first pic. You can’t tell but I use my parents address as my actual address so I don’t have to pay city rates on auto insurance. Notice too that I never lost my license in 4 years which is remarkable. Also signing my name Tom when it says Thomas is pretty bonehead. I’m also fairly certain I’m 5-11.

18 Oct, 2015

I’ve Got a Chance

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:42:45-04:00October 18th, 2015|Fantasy|0 Comments

Best squad I’ve assembled this year. Let’s go, Gronk.

17 Oct, 2015

The Window of Success

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-17T11:13:57-04:00October 17th, 2015|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

I’m reading Napoleon Hill’s book the Law of Success in 16 Lessons. for the 2nd time. This book is a life changer. It was written in 1925 so the fact that it’s even available this many years later shows its legitimacy. It covers principals to “make it” in the world. How to be a better person leaning towards the business side. It creates an enthusiasm for life that you otherwise don’t feel. It charges you up.

I’m only on the 3rd principal but my brain has already begun churning about how I’m operating with thought towards my business, my relationships, and my own personal goals. A couple key ideas from the early reading:

Find a mate who will push you to higher levels
Auto-suggestion is recommended to achieve success
Know what it is you want to do

I’m independent. I don’t have a fear of loneliness which is why I’m picky on the first point. I’m too judgmental to give females a chance and too much of a pussy to just get what I want.

Real life example to help expand on this. I had dinner with the President of a company that is much larger than ours. He has a daughter that is 24 or 25, good looking, and looking to be a lawyer. So not only is this girl aligned with my business (and could only strengthen the business relationship), but she’s hot and smart. This is the type of girl I should be going after.

So I compare that with meeting a random girl at the cider festival today and hoping that we spark it up together and I begin to question. Now the obvious answer (and what I suck at doing) is to just get out there and experiment. It’s really that simple. Perhaps there is too much thought being put into this as I’m sure everyone has their own opinion on this part of life but I consider that I’m 31 and still have 50 more years to live. It seems to me that putting extra thought into who you want to spend your life with and help you grow is worthwhile.

I ran out of time today (gotta hit that cider festival) to expand on the 2nd points but I’m sure I’ll bring it up in the future. Onward to the weekend. Michigan -8. Stay tuned for DK picks.

17 Oct, 2015

Creeping on Kindly

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:28:26-04:00October 17th, 2015|Boobs|0 Comments

This is a picture of 30 year old Kindly Myers and 54 year old Dan Marino. I never knew Kindly was a first name. Why am I seeing this?

Dan Marino here @tootsies_orchid_lounge #tootsiesyall #bestbarinnashville #legend

A photo posted by Kindly Myers (@kindly) on Oct 16, 2015 at 8:38pm PDT

That top is a bit big, no?

Following attractive girls that you’ll never meet in real life is probably the bigger question of this post but I also can’t put my finger the strange dynamic introduced when random strangers post pictures with celebrities. This picture serves absolutely 0 purpose in my life. Yeah, it’s great to see Dan Marino looking like a boss in his mid 50’s posing with a smokestack blonde, but does this really interest me? What action do I take? Do I unfollow this? Do I like this? 500 other people also like it so I’m not alone in my struggle to navigate social media. She also have 1.6 million likes on Facebook so it’s not like she’s a nobody. I feel like this would be out of line if this girl only had like 200 followers. It’s tricky.

16 Oct, 2015

The Idiot Passenger

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:42:58-04:00October 16th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

I wish I took a picture of this moron but you’ll have to be entertained by my words instead.

I can’t remember the last time I was on a plane that wasn’t full.

Courtesy on an airplane revolves around common sense. You sit in your assigned seat. You keep your hands to yourself. You don’t be stupid. Alas, this is not possible for some people as I experienced it first hand today.

I flew from Tampa today and had the middle seat which is the worst seat. The window gives you some visual and the aisle gives you easy exit. The middle gets you trapped between 2 passengers with limited understanding of who should get the arm rest.

The two were already seated when I arrived and I squeezed in the middle. Man to the right of me had obviously been on an airplane before and had his arm on his side of the arm-rest and was comfortably reading his Iphone. Man on the left most have been raised in a barn because his arm was already spilling onto my side and his legs were taking up half of my room.

Similar to this.

To make matters stranger, a woman comes down the aisle and says “someone is sitting in my seat, 23A.” The man starts rummaging through his pockets and says, “I can’t seem to find my pass.” After 3 minutes of checking his pockets it emerges and says 23F. I was praying he would move to his seat but instead the woman took his seat. At this point I must remark that he was reading a book entitled, “The Canadian Gold Finch,” a book on birds. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Another pet peeve of my mine is bringing the carry on.

I put up with his disregard for my personal space considering the entire time to give his elbow a big jolt but decided I didn’t want to spend 2 hours in a tense argument. I survived the flight and then I pulled out my phone as we landed and he asked:

“Do you have the time?”

“2:15.”

“Is that our time?”

*Headcocked* “What other time would it be?”

So now I was certain this guy was off his rocker because he was at least 60 and wasn’t aware that Florida and Pennsylvania share the same time zone. The other part that I can’t get over is when someone asks the time, is it normal to give them the time of the time zone you came from? I couldn’t grasp that one.

Fortunately I made it back safely and posting may go back to regular but I have another trip planned next week and it may get sparse.

13 Oct, 2015

The Blog Will Buc

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-13T08:03:04-04:00October 13th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

I’m heading to Tampa from Wednesday to Friday so there is a good chance the blog will not be updated. Just so you know.

I had a rough Monday where my brain was not able to function properly. I tried to Pedialyte my way to a normal day but it didn’t really work. Blogging was not a possibility. It’s especially bad because not only could I not form multiple thoughts but the day goes by incredibly slowly. Being able to think about multiple ideas at a time makes the day go by faster.

I’ll hopefully check in sometime within the next 3 days.

10 Oct, 2015

Be Leery of a One Flush Person

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-10T11:32:32-04:00October 10th, 2015|My Brain|1 Comment

My worst nightmare which is why I always double flush.

I very rarely leave a BM (as grandmom used to say) with only one flush. The only way this happens is pinching one perfectly clean when you pretty much don’t even need to wipe. Unless your diet is leaves and berries, this doesn’t happen often (don’t quote me on that diet either). There are 2 main types of people who get away with one flush and they are:

People who clog the toilet with too much TP
People who don’t fully wipe

I’m naturally a clean person. I’ll sometimes shower before I go to the gym only to shower again immediately after. Being clean makes me feel better physically as well as mentally. If I was sitting in filth right now, I’d only be thinking about getting clean.

With this understanding of always wanting to be clean, I don’t leave a bathroom dump without fully wiping. This can require as many as 8-10 wipes but when I’m done, I’m done. Most toilets don’t handle 8-10 wipes of TP which would make any user grimace in its presence. So I’ll usually wipe 3-4 times, flush, then do a secondary wipe. Howard Stern insists that the only way to get fully clean is to use baby wipes but I’ve never bought into that theory. Scott TP is good enough for me. The people who get away with only one flush are either extremely efficient with their wiping, or they aren’t doing a good job. Which one are you?

8 Oct, 2015

Just Don’t Be a Video or Slideshow

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-08T10:16:57-04:00October 8th, 2015|My Brain|1 Comment

Sometimes I’ll check rnningfool.com to see if it gets updated…

My office.

When I’m stuck for ideas I have about 50 or so drafts that at one point in time I thought they were good ideas for posts. It’s like going to the well and there being some water at the bottom but it’s pretty muddy and you’re not sure if it’s ok to drink or not. This is one of those posts because the ideas I have for other posts are too far out and will require more time.

With that incredible lead up I’m sure you’re on your hands and knees (that’s not the right expression) with excitement for what comes next. If you were Sherlock Holmes, you could guess that the title could be a clue to what I’m going to express disdain for. I hate clicking links that lead to videos or slideshows.

Videos – I hate commitment. It’s why I don’t return text messages on time, respond to Facebook invites, or have ever had a serious girlfriend. The idea of clicking on a link that sends me to a video that is 3 minutes long basically blows up my brain. If I go to YouTube and find a video myself I have no problem with that because I’m mentally prepared to watch the video because I’ve blocked that time for that activity. However, when I’m clicking around, I don’t want to be tied down to a clip. I’m like a bald eagle that was just released into nature. I need to be free. Please use text.

Slideshows – The bane of the internet. The slideshow is stupidity in web browser form. Most slideshows are “51 Pornstars Who Aren’t Wearing Makeup,” or “Can you believe these people were once fat!” Then they give you one big picture with a snippet of text. What’s worse is that they make you click 3 times for each sentence before moving on to the next part of the list. It would be one thing if the click was instantaneous but it’s not. There is a pause every single time you click. I can’t even remember the last time I deemed information valuable through a slideshow. If a slideshow is your preferred method of getting information, it’s highly likely you’re a complete moron.

7 Oct, 2015

Shaping Comments

By Tom Stortz|2015-10-07T13:34:11-04:00October 7th, 2015|My Brain|3 Comments

When someone comments

Adam told me he liked the post that I wrote about liking wraps over sandwiches. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was trying a different approach to blogging with that post so I’m glad it received positive feedback. Another point I’d like to stress is that I don’t know you like that post unless you tell me you like that post. If Adam didn’t tell me that, I’d probably think that a personal approach to what makes me, well me, wasn’t the answer to a successful blog. Fortunately he did and I can continue to work off that path. This leads me to explain how important it is for readers to leave comments. I need to know what works and what doesn’t. So next time you find yourself saying, “should I leave a comment (even if it’s saying I suck),” do it.

This contains no relevance whatsoever

I don’t leave a ton of comments on other people’s blogs and sites but I probably leave more than you do because I know how it feels to receive a comment and I tend to be opinionated when I don’t like (or like) a topic. Here are some thoughts I’ve picked up on various websites I comment on and how it’s important to shape your comment to that website for maximum results.

Reddit – This is an intelligent website where intelligent people post. The best comments use double entendres, puns, and other forms of sophisticated language that I don’t know the words for. All negative racial comments, misspellings, and stupidity get down voted. I rarely leave comments because getting downvoted makes you feel like shit.

Barstool – Any intelligent comment will get downvotes. Barstool is the dregs of humanity and unless you are making fun of Pres or fellow contributors, your comment won’t stand a chance. Comments that are as real / true as possible get the most fanfare. Here is the #1 comment about Mac and Cheese Kid and the picture of him getting removed – “Props to this kid’s dad, honestly. My dad wouldn’t be caught in the same state as me if I embarrassed our family name that bad.”

To be 21 again

Bansheemann7 – I’m never sure how much commenting I should do on Sam’s blog because I already maintain my own blog which means I can display my opinion anytime I want. He has his own group of friends who can form their own opinions about the topics without the need for my influence. When I see 0 comments though, I’ll generally throw in my 2 cents with no fear or disregard like I think a lot of readers have.