5
Dec, 2013
5
Dec, 2013
Photoshop Creations
Here are my latest creations.
4
Dec, 2013
Little Girl’s Chirstmas List
I came across this gem on Deadspin. The commentary is decent and I’ll share some of the better thoughts but after reading what a 7 year old desires, I’ve learned that I’m out of touch with what little kids want. When you’re in high school you still get a flavor of what items are trending and what’s popular. Once you move into a world where you literally have 0 contact with kids, you get no idea of what is popular. It’s great to know what kids want because these type of items avalanche in sales and the company’s that produce them are worthy of some research to see if they can make you money. I had to Google American Doll and Monster High to get in the loop.
Anyway, here are a few of the dad’s better lines from his daughter’s list.
– A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.
– “Our Barbie dolls aren’t causing as much body dysmorphia in children as they used to! MAKE ME A LINE OF BULIMIC VAMPIRE DOLLS OR YOU’RE ALL FUCKING FIRED.”
– When I asked her what she wanted between a flying car and an iPhone, she picked the goddamn iPhone.
– Are you gonna give a shit about walking it or feeding it after, oh, three days? No. All of the work will be left to me. This site says, “Border collies can become aggressive due to fear. … Do not approach or handle your dog suddenly from behind.” Great. Fucking great.
I remember I’d use to make Christmas lists with 50 items on them and I’d have 15 of them outrageous like a Zip-Line or paintball gun just to set the bar high. I’d make sure to put a star next to the ones that I really wanted and my parents (my mom) were pretty good about getting practical gifts. It’s weird because nowadays I wouldn’t know how to make a Christmas list. In my life, if I need it, I generally get it. This year it would be things like plumber, windows, and water heater. That Christmas list is just depressing. People know me for liking booze and booze presents are even more depressing. Sadly, clothes have moved up the list and everyone knows as a kid that a rectangular, light box was the worst type of present you could get. Small, compact ones that had video games were always prize possessions. Like Bob Dylan said, The Times They Are-Changing.
4
Dec, 2013
Perfect Timing
I’ve had 2 events happen to me in the past 24 hours that I have no explanation for how they happen as they do. If the timing would have been 10 seconds different, things would have played out in a completely different manner. In no way do I think there is any outside source working here, it’s strictly coincidence.
Situation 1
Last night I got locked out of my house. I finished at the gym and had to go to CVS to pick up body wash and TP. As I walked down the steps I saw Jeff sitting there and said, “here are my keys, I’m going to CVS.” I left my keys on the table because he had to use my car for a basketball game later in the night. I wrongfully assumed that in the 10 minutes I’d be gone that Jeff would still be there. As I returned, he had left to go to a basketball without putting 2 and 2 together that I didn’t have my keys. I do not blame him for this as I should not have left without having a way back in just in case something like this were to happen. That miscommunication had me bewildered when I returned back home to find a locked door. I tried calling him but to no avail. Now this is where things get interesting.
I knew Jeff’s game was at 9pm and he would have to get my car before 8:15 to make it to his bball game on time. It was 6:15 when I got locked out. I had no clue where he was and no means of communication as he wasn’t answering his phone. I waited until about 7:15 and decided to put the items I got from CVS on the door step and 4 pine cones on the hood of the car that spelled out TC praying Jeff would once again put 2 and 2 together and contact me. I went to a local watering hole and drank 2 beers and at 8:09 decided to check to see if there was any chance I would run into Jeff. Amazingly as I’m walking up the street I see him walking to my car and after brief discussion, got the key to get in. If I hadn’t seen him I have to believe I would have been waiting until his game finished. He made mention that he would have checked his phone on the car ride but let’s just say I’m thankful it happened the way it did.
Situation 2
When I was going to park on the right side of the street tonight, I pulled into a spot that had one spot in front of it until the end of the street. I got a little too close to the guy behind me and only left about 6 inches. I’m kind of neurotic when it comes to parking and make sure I give at least a B performance in every situation. I had plenty of room ahead of me and after getting out and seeing how close I was, I decided to move up a few more inches. At the very moment before I start moving up and turn my lights on, a car behind me is looking to park in my exact spot. It looked like I was leaving the spot. In hindsight, I should have moved up a few inches and turned my car off. In the moment, I panicked and felt it would be rude to jump back in my car as it looked like I was leaving. I ended up driving around the block and parking in the same spot I originally had as the guy picked the forward of the two spots which made no sense. What are the chances this guy drives up the exact moment I’m looking to move up a few inches?
Yes. This is how my mind operates in these situations.
4
Dec, 2013
Pimples and Your Self Image
Over my left eye you can see a red mark that could be considered a pimple but it’s actually not. At 30 years old, you’d think that I’d be passed any semblance of pimples but you’d be incorrect. My mind always thinks that pimples aren’t that big of a deal but when I get a nice red zit protruding from my forehead, I reconsider that stance. This little guy (it wasn’t so little) wasn’t a pimple because in my mind, a pimple pops. This bastard was a rare flesh eating disease.
I tried to leave a cliff hanger on that last paragraph. Flesh eating disease is probably an exaggeration. It was a red mark that has been there for over a week now and it wasn’t like popping a pimple but oozing blood. So this isn’t your commonplace pimple. It’s something that I’d consider going to a dermatologist but the idea of spending money and them telling me there’s nothing wrong would bother me. It was so absurd that I even purchased some Neutrogena Vanishing Cream but its performance was ineffective. Let’s just say it bothered me enough to make a post about it.
Red marks on your face are something that are a way bigger deal to you than to other people. You can look in the mirror and see a pimple and you want to stay inside all day. But when someone sees you, they glance at your face, think nothing, then move on with life. When I see someone with a beast from hell, it crosses my mind that it must suck to have it but I don’t think any less of the person because they have a skin blemish. In your own mind however, everyone is focused in on your face and thinking you must be part of the lowest form of society.
I know I’m a weirdo, but whenever I get something out of the ordinary on my face like this, I immediately think to why it could be occurring. Meaning, what in my life have I altered that could make this happen. Is it my diet? The people I’m around? My environment? I don’t believe that these things don’t happen for a reason and I always consider this. Same thing when I get sick. My first thought was that I’ve been eating these Dunkin Donut sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. The Pres wrote a post that if you get anything other than coffee, doughnut, or bagel from Dunkin, you’ll get a disease. Another possibility is that I started going to the gym and I used a towel that has been in my closest since the last time I was at the gym (6 months) and I hadn’t washed it. Either of these two thoughts could have caused this monstrosity. It’s been about a week since I’ve had it and it’s on its last breath. Thank heaven.
3
Dec, 2013
Progression Steps – Photoshop and German
I’ve undertaken 2 new challenges recently in learning how to use Photoshop and speaking German. I knew it was going to take some time to get proficient and my readers might find it interesting how long it takes to learn. It makes for an informative post because it essentially applies to any new thing that you are trying educate yourself to. I’ve been at it for 6 weeks now.
Learning Photoshop
Week 1 – Learning what the buttons do. I viewed the most basic youtube videos and learned how to select objects, use the brush, erase, add text, and other basic steps. At this stage everything is difficult to use and messages pop up galore about not being able to move the background, wondering why you are erasing the picture and not the one behind it, and enjoying the different blends, filters and adjustments features that you have no idea what they do.
Week 2-4 – You get the hang of how the program works and start learning some various hot keys which make life easier. There are so many ctrl-alt-shift variants that it’s overwhelming. I continuously watched youtube videos on people adding effects, text, and making changes to pictures to improve them. This helps immensely as it starts to build your understanding of the program. Even though it’s impossible to remember everything that you view, you begin to watch videos and learn, rather than repeat.
Week 5-6 – I’ve begun watching more complex videos and if something takes the instructor 10 minutes and he isn’t pausing, it would take me half and hour to follow along. With layer masks, filters, blending options, and all the other variables, it’s hard to keep up. You could click on something instead of ctrl clicking and everything will snowball from there. I have a relatively decent understanding of the functions but still not proficient in designing work myself. I would be unable start from scratch and design anything that looks professional but can select items cleanly, content aware fill, and join images. I still get very confused with masks and when to add new layers.
So far it’s been fairly rewarding although I’ve begun to get frustrated with my limited skills. I can make interesting photos when I follow along a tutorial, but on my own wouldn’t amount to much.
Learning German
Learning a foreign language has never been something I’ve had much interest in. I took 3 years of French and had a basic understanding but never pursued it past that. Without any reason to use it, it goes away. With this upcoming trip to Germany and Austria, I don’t want to sound like a complete tourist and find it necessary to at least learn the basics within a 3 month span. Here is my progress over 6 weeks.
First of all, I hate learning it. I can’t sit there for more than 20 minutes at a time which makes progress extremely slow. I’ve watched youtube clips and have a dictionary of verbs, adjectives, and phrases but I forget words as quickly as I read them. Even learning that I is ich has been hard. Then you start throwing in all the verbs and how they alter with you, him, her and all the rest. All I can say is that I’m going to have to spend more time on German and less on Photoshop. Fortunately I have about 2+ more months of practice and will hopefully make some faster strides after the initial understanding of German. Schmerz im Arsch.
2
Dec, 2013
Let’s Get Excited
It’s hard to get me very emotional but that doesn’t mean that there are not things that I don’t like. They just happen to be very specific, hard to guess, simplistic points of life. This blog tends to spill the guts on mostly everything I do and think, so I’ll clue you in to my inner workings.
Long Drives By Myself
A few months ago one of my buddies was getting married in Pittsburgh and I attended the wedding. Pittsburgh is about 5 hours from Philadelphia and I awoke at 5:30 am to make it there early because I was only going to be there for 2 days. The sun was starting to rise and the turnpike was completely open. I cruised at 90 miles per hour and listened to my Led Zeppelin greatest hits and couldn’t have been happier. I probably had 20 oz cup of Wawa coffee and a breakfast sandwich along the way.
After Gym Showers
After working out, I’m usually at the peak of my enjoyment level. I may be completely spent, but there is an obvious high after completing a work out at max effort. I’m a major sweater (I like to think because I work out as hard as I can) and that generally leaves me a dripping mess after finishing. Removing my soaked clothes and stepping into a steaming shower is a wonderful feeling. I should note that I never shower at the gym because I find that incredibly creepy. I’d actually put getting my body into better shape as the #1 reason I work out but a hot shower to clean away all toxins that your body releases from working out is great as well.
Spotify
Click on the image for full interface.
Anytime I tell people about Spotify and they don’t use it, I know that they aren’t in tune with how to listen to music. The Spotify software actually makes me excited because they are constantly updating their music library, it’s easy to use, and it works. If a new album comes out, they have it on Spotify the same day. This means that I’m constantly up to date on all new music as well as old music that falls through the cracks. There are still no Beatles or Led Zeppelin but that day will come. The customizable playlists is not a revolutionary idea but the simplicity of sharing the playlists makes listening to music fun with other people. It not only brings better music to your desktop AND mobile, but it gives you a better social aspect than everything else. I’ve found friends who I would never talk to in real life and follow their music and may even enjoy their musical tastes. I suggest paying the 5 dollars a month for no commercials on the radio.
HBO, AMC, and Showtime Series
At brunch, Bill asked me why I get HBO and Showtime and to me it’s a no-brainer. There are many people who don’t get the premium networks and it’s obviously because they don’t want to pay extra for something they feel they won’t watch. What they don’t know is that the content is the best produced television available. You don’t get the premiums for the movies which are really just an added bonus in my mind. You pay for the series which are about 10x better than network TV. GoT, Homeland, Boardwalk Empire are rocked hard in 2013 and you can even watch the past fantastic series on HBOGo (the Wire, Sopranos, Early Dexter). AMC struck gold with Breaking Bad and I’ve been following Walking Dead even if it is falling off. Not too sure on Mad Men but I wasn’t hooked after one episode. These networks are “where it’s at”, says Beck.
New Emails
Click to see my spam.
I have two email addresses. The first is what I use for my generic mail and whenever I sign up for something. I’ll sign up for anything with the bad email address because I’m happy to receive any type of spam people want to send me. My other email address is what I’d call my work/important email address. If I give you that address, it means I want what you are sending. So whenever I receive something to that address, I want it. These new emails get me more excited than text messages because they have the potential of being a new store order. New store orders are wonderful because it means that the company is making money and whatever we are doing is being done right. This makes me happy because it shows the fruits of labor. I could probably sum up this post by saying that the things that make me the most excited are the end results of my work.
1
Dec, 2013
The Chain Tree
After some brunch discussion of a Christmas tree stand not being strong enough, the idea of a chain tree was floated around by Sam. I’ll put this one on about the same scale as the rotating toilet but still thoughtful none the less.
I exclaimed that having Photoshop was great and all but it’s challenging to come up with projects. Sometimes I’ll sit there and think about what cool things I can(‘t) do and I could come up with nothing for hours. Similar to this blog when I go days without posting. What I want to bring with this post are my poor, but hopefully improving, shop skills and what we talk about at brunch. The black Santa Claus is in the works.
A tree being held up by 2 Chainz
30
Nov, 2013
Paul Walker Is Dead
I found a few tweets that I thought were worth sharing.
He probably was one of the coolest white people.
Fuuuuuck. This is horrible. RIP Paul Walker. Dude was the flagship of cool white dudes. FUUUUUCK!!!
— Anders Holm (@ders808) December 1, 2013
I couldn’t tell if this was a hidden joke or serious.
Please stop making jokes about Paul Walker dying in a car accident, it's 2 fast 2 soon.
— Denis (@Gramatik) December 1, 2013
Yeah, it doesn’t work that way.
Don't forget about the other person that died in Paul Walker's car crash. He wasn't famous, but he should still be recognized.
— Against Suicide (@AgainstSuicide) December 1, 2013
Agreed, that this does seem strange. Shopped?
Well that's strange.. #PaulWalker pic.twitter.com/sdwiViAmVn
— Devin (@ILaBreezyI) December 1, 2013
29
Nov, 2013
What Does Your Beer Say About You?
Holiday season brings parties and parties bring beer. As a beer drinking alcoholic, I feel I have some expertise on the subject matter. I’ve compiled a list of popular beers and provided an analysis of the overall understanding of what you’re are drinking. This isn’t a taste test for best beer. It’s what goes through my mind when I arrive at a party that has the beer.
Bud, Coors, and Miller Lite
Piss Water
Coors, Bud, and Miller are your standard light beers. Perfect for drinking games but not well respected by drinking enthusiasts. These are the beers that you drink when your just trying to catch a buzz and prolong drinking for as long as possible. I know I’m going to have drink at least 10 of them to really feel anything. This means that I’m going to have to be taking more pisses than usual and putting more liquid in my body than it wants. This is why alcoholics drink stronger drinks. A good tailgating beer.
Yuengling
“Lager”
In Pennsylvania, when you order a “lager”, you are ordering a Yuengling. Let me repeat this, you can’t do that with any other beer when you ask for the type of beer and get a specific one. You don’t say, “I’ll take an IPA” and have someone know what you’re talking about. This beer would take my #1 in a power ranking based on all components. Price, taste, alcohol content, and brand are all perfect. Not the best beer for drinking games but there could be much worse. This beer sets the bar and it sets it high.
Guinness
Key component to Irish Car Bombs
There aren’t many cooler things than seeing a well poured Guinness waterfall. Guinness is a lower ABV stout that is a tasty beer. I suppose I would say it is a filling beer and works great for morning drinking. Irish bars all carry Guinness and it’s a huge hit on St Patrick’s day. You won’t find it at parties often due to its price and lack of understanding in the US. It’s a great tasting beer that goes well with a meal, but it’s not your slam your face off, let’s pound Guinness type of a beer (although I’m sure people do).
Corona
Rosie, the queen of Corona
When I think of Corona I think of summertime. I’m not a huge fan of Corona but will readily drink them if they are available. They are on the lighter side in my mind and I don’t enjoy the taste that much. Any beer that requests that you drink it with a fruit is a pussy drink in my mind. Beer drinking alcoholics don’t like fruit with their beers.
Samuel Adams
Boston Lager
I think Samuel Adams is one of the finest breweries out there. I’m not wild about every one of their options but I have my favorites. Boston and Winter Lager are top lagers. I prefer these over Yuengling because they are the better beer. I don’t like when they try to get too fancy with their Cherry Wheat and Chocolate Bock types. Hands down though, you can’t go wrong with Sam.
Blue Moon
The Fruit’s Beer
Blue Moon is big out West which is fine by me because I don’t have to deal with it. Once again, you drink this beer with an orange peel. I think the taste of the beer is bad and would be one of my last options as beer. I would drink it if there was nothing else left is how much I dislike it. I think people prefer it because it’s a wimpy beer and it makes them feel different. Alcoholic’s don’t go with Blue Moon.