About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Getting Your Doors Blown In

I know my readers care little about my football experience but it’s my blog and you’ll have to suffer through my suffering.

losing_gamblerAfter leaving Saturday night with a $150 dollar win on Iowa +4, I had high expectations for football Sunday.  I had done my research and felt primed and ready to go for a smorgasbord of fantasy, Draftkings, and actual bets. After leaving the 4pm games, I considered myself pretty happy with where I sat.  Come this morning, I’m singing a different tune.

  • dk

    Click to enhance. Enhance. Enhance.

    Draftkings is the first amazing run of “what the fuck”.  I’m currently cashing for $60 (which would break me even) with the Redskins D hopefully making me a little more without being bounced from the other cash.  I’m “only” putting up 180, 193, and 193+.  The Steelers onslaught changed my rank quickly as I had virtually no exposure.  It should be noted my best team left 500 dollars on the sideline and had A-Pete go for a pittance.  My expectations were high, the results were low.

  • The Steelers-Colts game was a huge fuck you to me all around.  Evan overtook me with Frank Gore for our bye game and the Pool Boys overtook me for regular season champ with Big Ben.  Unless RunDMC gets hurt, I’ll lose both games.  This puts me in the playoff hunt in 3 leagues having to play 2 times next week.
  • My bets were atrocious.  The Browns cost me $100 along with a $50 tease (which lost 2 or 5).  The Colts cost me $75 and I have the sinking feeling that I’m a complete moron, which I may be.  Tough day all around.

I’ve been through this before so I know you don’t let it spiral out of control.  The best thing to do is take a step back, re-group, and then start playing again when you have a better mindset.  All in all, I’m still doing fine with my betting and DK is sort of kicking my ass but I’m at least enjoying it.

By |2015-12-07T11:35:30-05:00December 7th, 2015|Sports|1 Comment

Quick Post

I don’t feel like spending the time to come up with an idea for a post so I’m going to use a bullet point list of some thoughts.  Bullet points are one of the strongest means of writing because they don’t carry commitment to the reader.  If you see a page that has 4 long paragraphs on it, it may not interest you as much as one bullet point knowing that if the first bullet point sucks, you don’t have to read anymore.  It makes a difference.

  • Act like this isn't a photo shoot.

    Act like this isn’t a photo shoot.

    How about Gourlay coming out of the woodwork and commenting on my last post.  I honestly don’t even know what his comment means.  I put up a shittier version of the mural at first and decided that it was a poor effort and improved it a little.  Gourlay, who must check the blog frequently or pays attention to Twitter too much, was right on top of the change.  Gourlay is one of the more disappointing people in my opinion.  I write that with the best intentions and it has no malicious connotation.  It’s like, “Hey Gourlay, you’re more talented than both Sam and I and people would actually like to read your views on just about anything.”  Yet here I am slaving away with new themes and horrible posts while talent just sits on the sideline commenting as he pleases.

  • I'm underneath her.

    The gif mentioned below.

    The next funny topic that surrounds this blog, and I’m going to write that if I had to guess about 16 people are going to read this next sentence,  the post about boobs below received a total of 2 votes on the poll and I was 2 of them.  Which means, that out of the 16 people who actually read this, none of them were willing to share their opinion on boobs.  I suppose this is because PC principal would not be happy.  Here’s the thing, I know it’s a good post.  I picked the best looking girls with the best boobs and cataloging that is not a poor post.  Most likely if the page ever gets indexed by Google it will receive dozens of views.

  • statsSite stats – You can see the illustrious career of my blogging in the picture to the right.  At the blog’s high point, 2,297 people visited this site.  Hugelol sent me a 1400 people when they posted my link to a Katy Perry gif.  You’ll notice the link received 11 points and the post was titled above average and the gif named appropriately.  Today, the blog will receive about 130 people of which I mentioned 16 is the number who read it.  One part I do know though is that I’d rather have 16 good hearted people who will read my blog vs 2297 people who never knew I existed.
  • This post was an experiment.  I look back at my old posts and the bottom line is they stink.  I’ve come a long way blogging for 6+ years that in my humble opinion, this blog has evolved drastically.  There is no where to look but up.
By |2015-12-05T11:57:03-05:00December 5th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

Mural Update

I haven’t shown the mural in a while.  I’l also show off my developing Photoshop skills.  Obviously the lighting needs work as you can see it’s daytime with a nighttime background.  I could do it better but I’m setting the bar low.

mural1

 

By |2015-12-04T14:31:58-05:00December 4th, 2015|Photoshop|1 Comment

Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary

Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary

By now you’ve probably seen this footage (the link is actually great quality) and it’s a play that should be analyzed. I’m not going to discuss the previous weak called face mask which people will turn into the big picture of why this happened. First and foremost, Aaron Rodgers throwing the ball 60+ yards is unbelievable. Most QB’s don’t even allow this play to happen.

The biggest part of this is watch who catches the ball. It’s Richard Rodgers and look at the angle he takes. He’s way in front of the ball and drops back. Every team practicing a hail mary should watch this and see who had first chnace at the ball. Players in the back get jumbled up and can’t move towards it. Rodgers positioning worked like a charm. Great play.

I also had 65 dollars at -3 (+110) which made me pretty happy as well.

By |2015-12-04T11:14:22-05:00December 4th, 2015|Sports|0 Comments

The Underboob vs Cleavage (NSFW)

Jim-Carrey-jaw-drop-tongue-outI follow some “glamour” models on Instagram and cleavage is overrated when compared to the underboob. The underboob is looked down on because it’s showing a part of the boob that shouldn’t be shown.  It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense though because with a push up bra you could probably show about 45% of the breasts, where as an underboob would only be 15%.  The idea is that the nipple is always covered?  It’s just a matter of time before girls not wearing shirts will be the same as guys not wearing shirts.  I understand it’s to protect parts that are genetically different so people don’t feel ashamed, but nature is nature.

 

 

 Underboob

 

Cleavage

Preference?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...
By |2016-11-08T09:55:57-05:00December 4th, 2015|Boobs|1 Comment

The More You Try, The Better You Get

488092_10151096199723549_195721551_nThank you, Mark Gapinski.  You were the straw that broke the camel’s back on whether or not I was keeping the new theme.  This wasn’t an easy decision.  (It’s a good idea to personalize your blog with your readers which is why I’m putting you on blast).

I spent 40 bucks on the theme I previously had and hours of time customizing to what I thought looked the best.  At the end of the day, I was pretty happy with what I came up with but it felt off.  Perhaps because I’d gotten so used to the other theme but it was more than that.  It was the background, the non-comments at the top, and the actual font used.  It all added up to missing the exact mark (gapinski).

I felt it and Mark said it.  The world needs people like Mark to say that something sucks.  If I asked him why it sucked I’d guess the answer would fall between “it just does” or some incredible detail that no one would ever think of.  The point is, he just knows he thinks it sucks, and that’s a good thing.

Reverting Back

My site could look like this.

My site could look like this.

Here we are with the old theme.  I’d lost all the old options and am resetting with a new outlook.  This is the 2nd time I’ve purchased a theme only to move back to this one by Bluth which shows how hard it is to pick a theme based on previews.  My banner is out of place on the top but like I said, this will take some time to get back to where I was.

Exploring the minute interest of the blog, JKash commented on my check saying “Glacier National Park”, which indeed is funny.  The check set comes with 4 different landscapes.  Just yesterday I bought a new set and decided on another theme which I’ll display when they come in.  What I like is that there are people out there who would pick up on me having that type of check but could only guess why I have it.  Why is Tom Stortz paying up for a 4 landscape brand of check?  Who does that?  Valid question.

glacier-national-park-checksOne part of life I’ve learned is that the cheapest option is not always the best option.  There are many times to spend up to enhance presentation.  Now, I will certainly add that receiving a check from the “Glacier National Park” isn’t going to do wonders for my career or self-satisfaction. Presentation is very, very important.  I have a story that I’ll share in a future post to back up this point.  Don’t forget, it’s not wise to immediately dismiss the more expensive option.  It’s not everyday you get to see a view of the “Glacier National Park.”

By |2015-12-04T01:04:49-05:00December 3rd, 2015|My Brain|1 Comment

Mr. Goodbar

2 components of my make up are different, based on what I can tell, from most people.  I don’t like dessert and I don’t get excited easily.

Now it’s not that I don’t actually like dessert type foods, it’s just that I don’t find myself craving them very often and don’t care if I have them or not.  If I’m at a restaurant and the service asks if I’d like some dessert, 9 out of 10 times I say no.  Once again, this doesn’t mean I don’t like dessert, I just choose not to have it.

christmas-joyNot getting excited easily is based on not getting let down too hard.  Instead of being an emotional roller coaster of a person, I tend to live a more balanced life.  Melissa, Evan’s girlfriend, asked me if I like the holidays and I said they were ok.  She said, “just ok?”  Coming from a person who loves the holidays, I could sense she was looking for a bit more emotional appeal of holidays so I searched for a reasonable answer for why the holidays are just ok for me.  I didn’t really come up with one and probably diverted the question.  I don’t build myself for these types of days for no real explanation other than I just don’t.

 

 

Mr. Goodbar

At this point you probably haven’t asked yourself why I titled the the post Mr. Goodbar.  I’ve come to assume that my audience pretty much doesn’t interactively think about what I want them to think about so I have to use sentences like this to make it happen.

mr_goodbar_1I love the Mr. Goodbar.  I like any candy with peanuts and chocolate.  Frozen snickers from Maple Manor were a 10/10.  I have a 3lb bag of peanut M&M’s in my car.  I always take advantage of the 4 for $4 dollar deal for Goober’s at CVS.  The Mr. Goodbar for lunch has become my go to.

It’s not that I actually like the taste of the Mr. Goodbar as much as it’s knowing that it’s waiting in the freezer to be eaten.  I don’t eat it at room temperature so whenever I get it I immediately put it in the freezer and then sometimes I forget about it which is better than knowing I have it because when I think about wanting one, sometimes I am surprised I actually have it and internally celebrate.  Please god tell me I’m not psychotic.

By |2015-12-03T16:14:19-05:00December 3rd, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

I Need Your Help

beggingMy biggest gripe with this blog theme is that the comment box blends in and is practically hidden near the bottom of the post.  I personally like the comment box at the top so you can see how many comments are on a post before you read it.  It’s like if I see Sam’s post has 5 comments I’ll be more apt to read it than one of his stinkers with 0.  Just kidding, Sam.  Anyway, in one of those rare occasions, I’m actually asking your opinion.

Continue Reading Look

Continue Reading Look

I’ve tried to find a way to move the comment box to the top but the designer of the theme said that I’d have to pay for a custom design and I don’t want to do that.  My only solution is to move to a “read more” button like you see to the right.  It shrinks the post and makes you click on it to read it.  This would allow you to see the amount of comments but you’d have to click the “continue reading” to see the full post.  I personally like seeing the whole post on the page but the designer obviously made it the way because he likes it better.  What do you prefer?

Do you prefer "read more" or the full post on the page?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...
By |2015-12-03T17:11:40-05:00December 3rd, 2015|My Brain|4 Comments

Do You Karaoke?

Start: Be Drunk Enough For Karaoke

Saturday night was one of the few times I’ve ever been to a Karaoke that was small enough to not feel that weird about getting in front of a group to sing.  My life is sport and games, not song and dance.

This is exactly what it looked like.

This is exactly what it looked like.

On 19th and Chestnut there is a restaurant called Fuji Mountain that offers a private room with karaoke equipment. It was Sam L’s birthday and he rented out the room. There were probably about 25 people ready to sing and a vast database of songs that were accompanied by odd Asian music videos. Steve started the party off with a decent version of Gangsta’s Paradise and I applaud his selection. Sam made an attempt to follow with Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen and my learning of karaoke begun.

  • First observation is it’s imperative to sing songs that everyone knows.  Don’t Stop Me Now is an awesome song but aside from me and Sam’s brother, I don’t think people have heard of it.  This means that if you are a below average singer / performer, you are going to bomb.  People can’t help you out if they don’t know the song.
  • maxresdefault

    “Don’t you want somebody to love?”

    It’s ok to be bad.  People expect you to be bad.  However, it’s one thing to be bad for 2 minutes and a whole nother (how is that not a word?) to be bad for 5 minutes.  Song length is important.  Hearing someone drone on for 5 minutes to Bullet With Butterfly Wings (Sam and my duet) is not conducive to entertainment.

  • Finding group songs is key.  Yes, there are two mics but there are 30 people in a room.  When more than half the crowd knows the song, the performance will be turn out better even if the performers suck.  I learned this from songs like Party in the USA, Say it Ain’t So and Bohemian Rhapsody.
  • Everyone looks like Katy who does karaoke

    Everyone looks like Katy who does karaoke

    A personal observation was that songs are not that easy even if the words are in front of you.  In Da Club came on and it’s a song I probably haven’t heard in a decade but still knew the chorus.  I had the mic in front of me and couldn’t even start it.  Know your limits.

Having a party where anyone can come and settle up at the end is a horrible idea.  It doesn’t work because there will inevitably be people who leave midway through and won’t throw up any money.  This leaves the burden on the people who stay until the end.  A couple of suggestions.  BYOB.  Front money for an open bar.  Have a bartender.  The first option is the worst option.  Either way, still a fun night.  Happy Birthday, Sam.

By |2015-12-04T01:05:00-05:00December 1st, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

Who Would Pay This?

This is the newest method of traffic enforcement that I’m aware of as it’s never happened to me before. Honestly, I didn’t even know this was legal. You know when you see a “speed enforcement” by aircraft and just start laughing. This is how I felt getting this while I was on a sale trip from a camera on the road.

Montgomery County, MD Speed Enforcement

14 mph over! Look at all the other cars in the picture? You think they all got speeding tickets too? What a fucking joke. I have no idea how I feel about paying it. What’s the worse that can happen? If I ever get stopped in Maryland I have a demerit on my record? What’s it matter? Fuck it. I’m a pussy peasant.

check

By |2015-12-01T16:00:24-05:00December 1st, 2015|My Life|2 Comments

Categories