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About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Terminology

Some terms that I have an opinion on:

Preggo or preggers – It makes it seem like a derogatory thing just happened to the person. I think the word just sounds bad and knocked up could easily replace it.

That’s what she said – extremely overused. A simple sentence that has the word hard, comes, or big seems to be followed by this phrase by office fanatics.

Fail – This isn’t going anywhere so it really just has to be accepted.

“u” or “urself” – People use these all the time in texts but I just feel more comfortable with proper spelling in correct grammar. I don’t really see this is as a time saver.

Chilly – I’ve used this word to describe weather in the 30’s before and people give me this I’m crazy look because they think it’s way colder than just chilly. Chilly to them would be in the 50’s but I think it can be used for colder circumstances.

Marbles, rocks, grapes, nuts, stones… – Any of these small and round items can be used to replace your testicles and are all funny.

Ax (ask) – I think the way ax can be substituted as ask is despicable. I’m going to ask you a question, I’m not axing anything. This is one that really has crossed the line.

“Go fuck yourself” – this comes off with an extreme connotation that I don’t really mind using. If someone says something you don’t like, this is a good comeback. It comes off way to harsh but feels really good to say it.

Dope, bozo, moron, ass clown, douche, pussy and bitch are all good names to call people who do stupid things. Dope and bozo are rarely used so it’s good to switch it up from time to time. Moron fits most dumbasses. Douche corresponds to selfish people doing asshole things. Bitch and pussy are the best insults for someone who can’t do manly things. Notice Tyson using it appropriately below. Coward is great too.

By |2010-03-22T22:59:53-04:00March 22nd, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Out to get mine

When you work 40 hour weeks for 5 straight years you adopt attitude towards life that differs to when you were just getting out of college or starting work. What happens is that you begin to see how business professionals act and how everyone is out for themselves. When you leave school you’re surrounded by friends and people who you socialize with (good or bad they most likely aren’t in your wallet), when you enter the working world the people you interact with are business minded. They may act like your friends but most likely they could care less. Most people will smile and treat you like gold to earn the business but once you let them in, the smiles are over and it’s all about the money.

Some examples. Insurance agents will sell you the policy with the biggest premium so that it fattens their wallets even if the coverage may be over done. My opinion is to not use an agent and to go direct to a company like Geico because claims come along so infrequently and even when they do the insurance companies will try to screw you anyway. The agent just adds to the premium to the policy. Next up lawyers. Lawyers care about one thing, billable hours. Show me one higher up of a law firm who would get upset at a team member for over-billing a client. I’m not saying all lawyers do this but if you ask them to look at a document for you and they are behind closed doors reviewing it, how is the client supposed to know if he’s being billed appropriately. Also, if a situation arises where they know there is a cheaper alternative but they can get paid for doing the work, a conflict of interest arises and this is where it will show what type of relationship you have with your lawyer. A final example, the financial planner. Why would you pay someone to put your money in mutual funds and give him a percentage of your principal when it’s simple to do it yourself. The financial planner doesn’t care so much if you make money because he’s getting paid either way. The easiest way to prove what kind of a relationship you have a with a professional is to take away the business from the person and see how they react. If they get pissed off and make a scene, they were never your friend in the first place.

A final word on bullshit. This new health act is revolutionary? You are now being forced to have health insurance or else “they” will impose a fine. You’d think it would be your right as a citizen to decide if you want health insurance or not. I understand the point that if you get badly injured without insurance it puts the medical world in a moral dilemma but this bill is giving going to help 32 million people get health insurance. Where is this money coming from for these people? My uneducated guess is it comes out of the the working peoples paycheck to insure the poor peoples laziness. I am so far out of my element when discussing matters like this but our nation is being manhandled (and fucked up) by the gov’t and I really can’t wait to see what the future holds.

I also understand that everyone does need to survive and it’s up to the individual to make something out of their self by any means necessary. I’m not blaming or criticizing anyone, I’m just pointing out that this is how our society is run and to think otherwise is turning a blind eye. People who you can truly trust are hard to come by.

By |2010-03-22T21:56:47-04:00March 22nd, 2010|My Brain|2 Comments

Bricklayer

I came across this on the shitter and was laughing while I was taking a shit. Needless to say if it makes me laugh on the john it has to be a worthwhile read.

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

By |2016-11-01T23:58:11-04:00March 22nd, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Weekend Recap

Lots of betting. I only deposited 35 dollars but I’m happy to say that my account now has 75 because of the Atlanta Hawks covering. My brackets were pretty sharp as I chose Kentucky to win it all. I had Kansas going a ways but so did everyone else so it’s not so bad. I’m in 2nd in Chad’s work pool, close to the top in a pool with a couple hundred people, and will be doing OK if Kentucky pools (sounds right) it off. You really have to pick the Final game right so I’m a long shot away from saying I’m winning anything. I also cleared a poker deposit for 150 so to take advantage of this bonus it actually ended up costing me about 600 dollars and lots of time spent.

I wish I had more to say but I just didn’t really make anything happen this weekend. I sometimes think of things during the day to write about and then when it comes time to write I can’t remember anything. I really think I’m aging. My hands are bothering me and I feel like I’m too young to get arthritis. My arm forearm has a shooting pain running down it whenever I put it out straight to the side. My knees are all banged up and my foot just never heals from this one blister. Everything else is OK though so I can’t complain much. This week I’ll try to put at least 2 long runs in if the weather holds but that’s really all there is on my agenda besides work. I sometimes laugh at people who are always say they are really busy because most of the time I have nothing to do. Every time someone asks me if I can do something on some future date my answer is always a yes because I have an open calender for the the rest of my life. It’s sort of depressing in one sense but I think I prefer doing nothing to doing something. Weak post I know but if you have been reading this for a while you’ll know that I write shit on Monday’s and it picks up as the week goes on.

By |2010-03-22T00:39:47-04:00March 22nd, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Looking Up

I got my tax return today and the gov’t is owing me 3,800 dollars. Obviously one could make the argument that this isn’t a good thing because essentially I’m loaning the gov’t money for free. However, I contest that with the fact that if I had that money I would have blown it like Jenna Jameson. So that was a good start to my day.

I’m in 3rd place, tied with a lot of other schmags, in two pools and kindof bombing the 3rd one but I have Kentucky winning it in 2 and WVU in the other. I was making the argument that it’s not smart to pick Kansas this year because 75% of the pool will be picking them so it just puts you in the cluster fuck of people you have to beat. Meaning you have to pick a damn good bracket to beat all the other people who pick Kansas whereas if you pick another school and they do happen to win you have a better chance to win the pool and hence the money. This argument is the same as in poker. When you play a tournament, you play to win it, 1st place. I think Kansas is a good pick to win it but if you pick them your chances for winning the 1st place money decrease.

Today is a beautiful day filled with bball and booze.

By |2010-03-19T09:04:31-04:00March 19th, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Responsible

I went to eat wit my mom last night, then went to the gym, then met with Jkash at Mad River. 5 dollar cover got me two t-shirts and they had a band playing. The crowd was decent and as Jkash put it “there’s a lot of mediocre ass.” We started the night off with a car bomb and then started drinking some Yuenglings. The band finished their first set near 11 and I probably had about 5 or 6 beers and I knew that if I were to continue to drink that I was putting Thursday in jeopardy, so I jumped ship. I have this move that I just leave without telling anyone I’m leaving. This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations. If you tell them you’re leaving they try to convince you to stay and if you just leave well than your an asshole for not telling you are leaving. So I just bounced at 11 and now I feel fine today.

I also want to note that there has been a hostile tone around this blog lately. If you want to insult me that’s fine but someone wrote that Jordan C is a Fagbag. I don’t know what a fagbag is but can there be some restraint to derogatory comments to other readers. Also someone called me a tard so I can at least say that these are at least pretty decent words for insults.

By |2010-03-18T09:04:26-04:00March 18th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Another call out and brag post

I could call out in the comment section of the last post but I like devoting an entire post just to make sure we’re all on point here. Unless I’m mistaken, I searched the last post for any word starting with “the” and came across two there’s. There’s is a contraction for there is and used properly in both spots. They’re means they are and wouldn’t make sense. So either I’m even dumber than I thought or someone must be mistaken. Plus the call out at the end. Correct me if I’m wrong.

So I’m going to do some bragging here mixed in with the problems of my life. Let’s start with finance and 3 particular situations, followed by the harsh reality. (I’ll make this brief because I’m sure it will bore a few). I did a college project on the movie rental industry senior year of college. My group determined that Netflix will be the industry leader, Blockbuster will decline, and the movie gallery will go BK. Netflix was trading at 10 when the project started and now it’s 70. Blockbuster is trading for pennies now and it was trading for 9 bucks 5 years ago. Movie Gallery is no longer. Example 2, I personally told Sam Levin that I thought Palm was overvalued at 12-15 bucks or so because I thought the product was weak and the financials looked terrible, it is now trading at 5 bucks and I even tried to buy put options but couldn’t figure it out on first glance and gave up trying. Example 3, I owned baidu at 125 dollars in 08′, and it is now trading at 573 dollars a share. I sold it at 150. Point being through all this, I have some good ideas but my execution is just not there. The harsh reality is that I’ve bought thousands of shares of Sirius radio, which I still own, and it’s trading at 93 cents. I’ve bought it so many times I don’t even know my cost basis but it has to be 2+. I own RIMM which has been a fine move but hardly a knockout. I do my best to understand how to play this game but my timing is just god awful. I do have faith though that this will turn around at some point in the future.

A quick poker brag and then once again the harsh reality. Go to sharkscope and type me in under pokerstars and see the havoc. I’ve played 4,000 sngs for a measly profit and my account has been cursed. Find me many recreational players who have played more games than I have. Do you have any idea how many hands I’ve played in cash games? Thousand upon thousand upon thousands. When I think I’m better than you at poker I have the experience to back it up. People don’t play this many games without being a good player. However, I can’t win at this game because I have this poor money mgmt and even if you’re the best player in the world (i’m not), you can’t beat the game without money management. I know I can be a good player but I just haven’t been able to put the pieces together to be truly profitable. Once again, I know I’m good, I know I know what I’m talking about, I just am not displaying results. Anything that I like doing I generally try to put forth as much effort as possible. I have done this in a sense with poker and have pretty much given up due to lack of profit and wasting of time.

I obviously brag about running. I know that the majority of people out there could care less. This is easily the worst “sport” to be good at. There’s no excitement, no drama, no one really cares. I finished in the 151 out of 11,000 males (no need to count females although 9 did beat me) in the broad street last year and I expect to do better this year. This is what I’m good at and you come to this blog so you will learn. Sure I can’t make a layup in bball or throw a baseball accurately but honestly who even cares how a team does in some rec league. Yes our bball team went 0-8 but is that going to stop me from entering the summer league, no way. I’ve grown so far past records and stats that I’m happy to play the game and will enjoy it the best I can.

I’ll brag in my taste for movies. I watched the six sense for the first time in a couple years and this movie deserves the 4 star rating on Comcast’s description. It gave me chills at some parts, made me feel emotion in others. You feel for the characters which is what I was explaining about Pelham. There’s no way that Sixth Sense can be a good movie and Pelham can be a good movie. They are so far apart in how good they are that the rating scale needs to be used appropriately. Say I give 6th sense a 9.5 which would signify an incredibly good rating, Pelham has to be AT LEAST 4 points lower which would put it at a 5.5 and thus an avg movie. When you clarify something is good, you have to compare it to something to understand how good it really is. I also want to explain how the rating system comes into play. Jkash made a point that going for a girl that is a 10 is usually not the best move due to their inflated self image and hard to get mentality. You want the 7.5 girl who has a personality and will treat you with respect. He thought that a 7.5 would signify that she would be better than 75% of other girls. I gave him my thought that even though she’s a 7.5 rating she can easily be better than 75% of other girls. People will read this and call me “shallow” (this term will be my new thing) but I want to explain. This rating scale doesn’t really mean anything. People with low self esteem are the ones who get hurt by this. I would have no problem if girls would give me a 2, you just retaliate with insults against them until you bring their self esteem down to your rating. Also please don’t bring this up to me in conversation, it just leads to failure.

Here’s one final thing. If you have read my blog earlier and you see me in person in the future and I bring up something that you read, don’t be an asshole and let me repeat what you already know, just stop me and tell me that you already know.

By |2010-03-17T01:08:06-04:00March 17th, 2010|My Brain|3 Comments

Disorderly

I was doing a couple of tasks at the same time today and I thought to myself, “I’m really juggling a lot of balls today.” Then I laughed for a second. Then I thought to myself “no homo.” Then I thought that I probably don’t have to say no homo if I didn’t even say the comment aloud. Then I thought that I probably don’t even have to say no homo if I’m never going to produce a homo thought. So if you are actually using the “no homo” it means that you probably say a lot of homo things and need to distinguish between the two. Shit like this goes through my mind and prevents me from being productive from time to time.

I got on the scale yesterday at LA and weighed in at 181. This was a bit high for me as I think I should be around 170 at absolutely my best running shape. With the broad street run looming, now is the time for me to put forth the effort. I’m going to try to lose 11 lbs before the race. This isn’t like girls thinking their fat and making failed attempts at losing weight. Losing 11 lbs isn’t impossible but it’s going to take a lot of work because I probably have 5 or so lbs of fat to lose and the rest is probably alcohol weight. This isn’t a lazy effort and I’ll keep up to date info on here. If I can get down to that weight I guarantee I go under 60 minutes. Today I ran a bit under 29 minutes for 5 miles so I know my legs are going to get there when I start running some 10-15 mile runs. As I’m getting older this is obviously some of my last chances in my “prime” to run some good times, so I’m going to take it as seriously as I can. I would really like to cut out the majority of alcohol from my life because it really hinders a person trying to run seriously. I’m not going to say I’m going to swear it off but I will make an attempt to keep it in control for the next few weeks.

When you can’t think of anything to write about it’s best to write about something you know. On that note, I need a new drink of choice. These rum and cokes are killing me. I seriously must have had 25 small cups of rum and cokes in AC on Saturday. It’s not just the alcohol that messes with your system, it’s the coke as well. It’s not even that it’s my favorite drink but when you go to order it, it’s the simplest for the bartender to make and not fuck up. I’ve been through a couple stages of drinks. There’s rarely a beer on tap that I haven’t tried. I started drinking Bacardi and Cokes in college. Then moved to Tangeray and tonics. I had a Jameson phase that was proceeded by a Gray Goose on the rocks phase. Probably my drink of choice, as gay as it is, would be Goose with not OJ but a pineapple, strawberry, grapefruit mix that Dole makes. Here’s the problem, I like drinking whatever is on special because I tend to drink alot and I don’t like blowing my cash on alcohol so whatever is on special is what I make do (due?). Well drinks are cheap alcohol which tend to find the special list. Cheap gin and tonics are no good. I stay away from cheap vodka because I don’t like it’s mixers, especially cranberry juice. That leaves whiskey and rum which go best with coke. It’s a real conundrum. Also the tipping on drinks is costing me so much money that if I donated it all to a charity they could easily have in excess of 5,000 dollars over the course of my drinking career. Just some quick math. If I drink 2 nights a week, an order 6 drinks a night for 50 weekends a year over 5 years @ one buck per drink we get (2x6x50x5)= 3,000. For what it’s worth I can have WAY MORE than 6 drinks a night not to mention how many weeknights I’ve been out. I didn’t even account for Thursdays and Holiday’s. If you want to include tipping dealers at casinos tack on another grand at least and then for food is another 5k (which is such a long shot guess and probably well undervalued). Just think how fucked up this whole tipping angle is and then consider how generous a person I am.

Off on a tangent like usual, I openly say I have a drinking problem. People will say, “well that’s the first step to solving it.” Let me just say that knowing you have a problem and then solving it are eons away from each other. I don’t have a physical addiction to alcohol. I don’t drink Sunday-Wednesday (sometimes but I don’t let it interfere with my work schedule). Thursday through Saturday is another story. Once I get started there’s no stopping until I’m too retarded to function. It’s not fun to get that drunk all the time but once you get 10 drinks in you, the decision making process is a bit impaired. The thought process behind it is quite simple though. If you work 5 days a week, M-F, and you put in the 40 hours and feel the pressure behind making your own company work, living the straight arrow life is obviously the best option for being successful. Most likely though, you won’t have fun doing it. My view is I just spent 4/5 straight days keeping myself in check and now I want to have fun. I PERCEIVE alcohol with having fun, this has been problematic over the course of my life, but I’ve spent weekends sober and I know what to expect. So I’m well aware of what I’m doing. I can easily not drink if I didn’t want to but I’d be ridding myself of entertainment and sometimes life is more than just work. All work and no play make TC a dull boy.

By |2010-03-16T00:52:54-04:00March 16th, 2010|My Brain|1 Comment

Taking of Pelham 123 and Comment #1 on my last post.

I like commenting back to people in the comment box when they comment on my post but in this case I’m going to devote a whole post to the last comment. Yes I was mistaken on Taking back Pelham 123 but this is because it’s a completely forgettable movie. First off, how can any movie be good when I’m focusing more to see how many time Travolta says “motherfucker” than what is actually transpiring in the movie. Why does Ryder need 2 million physical dollars when he just made 300 million in the market. Let me carry this bag around so it can slow me down. And what kind of a police brigade was bringing the money to the subway? They must have caused at least 4 crashes and were completely reckless. Ryder’s fascination with Garber was just unusual to the point of absurdity. Another flaw is when the sniper had Ramos in his sights, he was literally there for 15 minutes before he accidentally shot him and what’s even more spectacular is that the mouse makes him jump and he pulls the trigger and the weapon still automatically aligns with the guys head. The ending was hilarious with Ryder just stopping because some train conductor pointed a gun at him from 50 feet away. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m fairly confident that if I kept running he wouldn’t have a chance in hell to hit me. To sum this long- winded rant up, there was no connection with the characters that at any point in the movie if someone would have died, I would have cared. If they did something twisted like Ryder and Garber were working together it would have been more entertaining but I just left the movie thinking that I just had my time wasted with a bore of a story. I also want to point out that I will give most movies a chance. I can sit through practically everything (besides 5th element, sorry evan) and I’m looking for movies that make me relate to characters and then care about the choices they are making. Finally, I know I’m right about my take on this movie because when Wagon is also agreeing that this is a really good movie, and he’s on the same level as Jordan. He didn’t realize that Memento was working backwards after 45 minutes of watching it. He also would prefer Marley and Me to Starwars. For the sake of argument, I’m well aware people have different tastes and I’m not always right so just understand that I take a side when I do these.

By |2013-03-15T03:43:43-04:00March 15th, 2010|Movies|0 Comments
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