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About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

White men can’t dance

The Phil Collins song “I can’t dance” goes:

“I can’t dance, I can’t talk
Only thing about me is the way I walk
I can’t dance, I can’t sing
I’m just standing here selling everything”

Funny thing about this song is that Phil Collins is white, but Phil can dance, walk, sing, and talk better than probably 90% of white people. I write this because I think that this song can describe the vast majority of whities, especially me. When I’m completely sober and head to the bar and there’s a band or some dj playing, I have no rhythm whatsoever. I don’t like utilizing the standing still snap. Anytime moving my feet is involved, I just feel awkward. I think I can pull off the head nod from time to time but you can only do that for so long before you start to feel like a rock em sock em robot. I dread entering any wedding with a move because I feel like such a goober pulling off a lame attempt at being funny. I’ve got in situations where one of my friends thinks it’s hilarious to tell a girl that his friend is a good dancer and than obviously all eyes go to me and I feel like a square if I deny the request but aside from the Manute (or Rodman), I got nothing. I remember some girl grabbed my hand when I was too sober and wanted to dance and I stood there like a statue like, what now? I feel like I’m supposed to lead a tango around the room or bust out twirl after twirl. These encounters are difficult to deal with sober.

Drunk dancing is a bit easier than sober dancing because you don’t care what you look like or who’s looking at you. You may be looking like a fool (with your pants on the ground) but the effort is all that really counts. I also think grinding up on girls is a lot easier and accepting rejection is no biggie either. The guy going behind a girl and grinding their crotch into her ass is obviously the easiest move to pull off. There’s no skill behind it except swaying and sometimes you can get wandering hands which makes things interesting. I actually like the fist pump due to it’s simplicity. I think it would be interesting to take a dance class an actually improve and learn some moves to make these situation bearable, even sober. However, I’m not sure how many classes are out there that specialize in “solo, white people dancing at a bar trying to impress the ladies so they can get in their pants”. Maybe there’s a market for that…

My brother is apparently writing for the school newspaper which I find hilarious but I was going to suggest this topic to write about. You can also incorporate Karaoke which I find just as annoying as dancing even though I could probably make my way through it because I know a fair amount of songs. The problem is that I’m just white. We are good with a lot of things but dancing and rhythm are not one of them. To move backwards to the lyrics of Phil’s song, “I’m just standing here selling everything,” this is what white people are good at.

By |2013-03-15T17:15:06-04:00March 30th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Brick Wall

This domain name was started April 5th, 2009. Since then I’ve had 1,056 unique visitors. I’ve made 189 posts. Yesterday I had the most visits on a Monday than I’ve ever had throughout the duration of this blog, and I didn’t even make a real post. I honestly feel bad when I have people check out this web page and I have no new material or it’s just garbage. Problem is, I’ve shared so many of my thoughts on this site that I try hard to not duplicate any posts. I don’t do enough exciting things that I can constantly write about what is happening in my life. Honestly, my life has become such routine that I think I’m miserable even though I’m perfectly fine.

For the weekdays, I work 5 days which is a completely other world that I try to separate from this blog because I don’t think people really care. Then I come home, sleep from 5:30 to 7:30, go to they gym till 8:30-9 then entertain myself till I fall asleep at around 2. I eat ravioli on Monday’s and watch 24. Tuesday’s are long run days if it’s nice out. Wednesday’s are nothing special. Thursday’s are dinners with my mom and then the weekend starts which is a whole other problem. I honestly can say I can’t remember my Saturday. Don’t know when I got there, what I did, when I left, how I got back. Seriously try living the next day knowing that hours of time are unaccounted for. It’s scary. Point being, I don’t know what else I can do with this blog. I’ve wrote before that I think getting people to view my writing is satisfying but if it’s not well thought out, than I’m just like any other blogging asshole.

There’s no real pressure in maintaining this blog. I don’t have anyone watching over me to make sure I’m doing it. I haven’t made a single dime off of my time spent. I don’t do this to make friends. I do it so that I can look back at this time in my life and have an ongoing journal of what I was thinking about in 2010. So 20 years down the road I can look back and say, yeah, that was me. I just find it funny that I’m willing to write about practically anything in my life, and am perfectly happy to share it with you, but I know nothing about the people in cyberspace who tune into this site. I don’t really know where I’m coming with any of this but I guess it’s a strange feeling that I feel obligated to maintain this site so that random people can entertain themselves for 5 minutes at work or in between class. I think there were 33 people who viewed the site yesterday. I honestly think I hang out with 5 people, with other people intermingled from time to time. So when Chad tells me I wrote a shitty post yesterday, guess what, I do this for the viewers benefit, I don’t expect a dime, and I can’t be on all the time so sorry for not being entertaining enough for you Wagon. I will still be continuing this, even if work related contacts come into play, because I think something will come out of this sooner or later.

Hafer, I predict that the episode of Saved by the Bell where Kristy the wrestling girl tries out for the team, gets cut, saves Zack in the Max, and then pins the Mexican guy to make the team is on.

By |2010-03-30T01:41:46-04:00March 30th, 2010|My Brain|2 Comments

Nothing

I’m getting somewhat annoyed with this whole social networking / blog deal. I want to be able to write whatever I want in this blog but I keep having people who I wouldn’t want to read what I write find my shit. This is becoming problematic and will perhaps alter the way I have done things. I wish it wasn’t so but I have a business relationship friend me on facebook and that leads right to my website and that leads right to things that people who do business with you might not want to read. So I had to change my facebook picture so I don’t look like a passed out drunk and this is really just a nuisance. I’ll comment further when I decide how to proceed.

By |2016-11-01T23:54:26-04:00March 29th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Friday

I didn’t post yesterday and I did it on purpose because even though I want people to check this site with decent regularity because I update regularly, there is still some fun in not posting for a while and getting people to think that I’m doing something spectacular (I’m not). I noted in the video that I’m off the heater and back to normal. I’m pulling hard now for Duke and Ohio St because I have a good shot at winning a 200+ pool if I can get Kentucky and Ohio St to the finals with Duke winning tonight. Like Plies, I’m fucking awesome.

By |2010-03-26T10:40:52-04:00March 26th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

Funny quotes

I came across these and laughed out loud so I thought I’d share. I specifically liked the Mariah Carey one the most.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

–Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”

— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”

–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”

–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in Texas .

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

–Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ..”

— Dan Quayle

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca

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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”

— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

By |2016-11-01T23:56:17-04:00March 24th, 2010|My Brain|1 Comment

Running Hot

I’ve been running hot in just about everything lately. The last two days I’ve bet on Brandon Lang’s free picks and both covered netting me 55 bucks. Then tonight I played 2 poker tournaments a 16 dollar sng and a 12 dollar 180 man and I happened to win both netting about 630. I just ran like a god in the 180 man with some decent play accompanying it. Seriously the game is so much luck that when I think I’m playing bad and I lose, compared to how well I ran tonight to win. Also we had a big day in business today and I expect the new website to boost sales throughout 10′. Plus the market has been on a heater and I’ve been making some decent cash there. This is far different than the feeling that transpired throughout all of 08 and 09 where shit was just hitting the fan. Any money that I am making now is just replacing the money I lost over the past years. I have high hopes for the next couple days because good vibes make good things happen. That is the secret (it’s a book not a real secret).

Not to mention I ran 6 miles at 5:50 pace which is getting me closer to broad street shape. I’m way ahead of my shape that I was in last year at this point in time and my new goal is to place in the top 100. I’m sacrificing going to my brothers graduation for this race so there’s some added pressure to do well (not really). He doesn’t care though I’d suspect. As a human being, things that are important to some people just don’t mean anything to me. I think I was born without a sentimental value or without all my emotions in check. Important things like weddings, anniversaries, and birthdays are all just … lets get them over with and move on.

You can despise me for bragging once again. My next goal to make happen is getting this website to generate more traffic. I don’t care about the notoriety but more so the challenge of putting content people care about and visit because they think it’s a worthwhile read. I understand completely that this post makes me come off as a pompous ahole but this is an overview of my life as I see it and the truth is what I tell.

By |2010-03-24T01:59:27-04:00March 24th, 2010|My Life|2 Comments

The evolution

I stumbled upon my very first blog entry which I wrote in July of 05′, that’s almost 5 years ago. It’s actually pretty funny because it’s after I graduated college and you’ll see that not much has changed.

“You’d think that it would be impossible for someone who doesn’t do anything to create a blog, but you’d be wrong. Lately I’ve been playing a lot of online poker, not always successfully but I’m sure in future posts I’ll be complaining about bad beats or raving about how good I am. I’m not sure who would read this thing but I figure if I put it in my profile some unlucky soul’s curiosity will get the better of them. A few things about me are that I am competitive and will bet on practically anything, who knows maybe a professional gambler is in my future. I graduated Pitt with a degree in Finance so I’m intending on opening up a online trading account so I’ll write about my brilliant stock picks in the future. I like to drink mainly rum and cokes, gin and tonic’s, and can drink a plethora of beer. I’m a big fan of good beer, specifically lagers, like red stripe or harp. I like to play basketball, I compare myself to Charles Barkley down low except that I’m not big or black. I’m training for a marathon in November and my longest run in the past 4 years has been 5 miles. I figured I’ll get in shape in the next few months but I wish running didn’t make you so tired so I wouldn’t dislike it so much. That’s pretty much it for now, If you read this and think it’s stupid I really don’t care so keep your dimwitted comments to yourself.”

It’s funny because I never even got close to the marathon and everything I did then I still do now. Scary that I’ve had no evolution and have stuck to my roots.

By |2016-11-01T23:56:07-04:00March 23rd, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

/fail

So I made a brag post about things I do well, it’s time to make one about things that haunt my life.

I still can’t throw a baseball accurately. This really isn’t a big problem because I don’t play much baseball, but I’m an absolute liability when I do. I almost think it’s comical. I can throw a ball in a general direction but not to a glove. At this point it’s all mental and mechanics, plus the desire to not learn.

My layups and shooting have gone way with the the throwing of a baseball. There’s no explanation to these things except my lack of practice and caring. It’s somewhat embarrassing when you miss a wide open layup and it’s probably a mental thing the same as above.

I’m terrible with history and religion. Dates, events, historical accuracies. This is even more embarrassing then missing layups because you look like such a moron when you’re guessing at the year the roman’s were around. All the bible stories are foreign to me and when anybody whose a religious freak realizes you don’t know shit they instantly take you for a sinner. I went to Sunday school when I was really little and hated it every single time I went. I still find church pointless. I don’t need a supreme being to tell me what’s write (joke) and wrong. My belief is that Christianity turns you into a person who tries to do good because they fear what god will do them if they don’t follow his instructions. I follow the rule of TC and am risking what may happen at the end for the excitement while I’m alive.

I can be really awkward with conversation. Sounds of silence bother me and I try to say things to keep this from happening. This leads to saying whatever pops up in my head and can lead into trouble.

I’m bad at returning phone calls. People call me and it’s not that I don’t take their call important I just have this thought instilled in my mind that everyone get disappointed if you don’t do what they want. So if someone calls me and I already am doing something, I’ll just ignore them and hope they go away rather than tell the truth. Faulty logic I know.

I can’t cook. I can make pancakes, eggs, sandwiches and anything frozen that can be heated in the oven or toaster. That’s enough to get by but wouldn’t impress the ladies if i was trying to be suave and saying I can cook them a meal.

I’m also terrible at fantasy sports. I can’t remember the last league I won. I’ve wrote before I really have no interest in any professional sports of any kind. Basically I’d rate all Philly teams a 2 and everyone else in the league a 1, and that scale can be on 100. Unless betting is involved, I don’t care. Thus my lackluster ability in fantasy because I don’t follow what’s going on. My #1 fantasy move was drafting Roger Clemons one year and his fantasy picture was of him playing golf.

I can probably list more but it’s getting annoying explaining my faults. On another subject I got down to 178 lbs which is moving in the right direction. I also find facebook annoying when they display what you write on other peoples shit to everyone. I wrote on XM altnation and it pops up on my page, like wtf, give me some privacy so everyone isn’t all in my shit.

By |2010-03-23T23:49:49-04:00March 23rd, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments
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