Last night was the first time I’ve taken part in a keeper / auction league draft. You keep 2 players from the year before and they affect your auction salary which was $250. My 2 chosen for me were Ajayi and Pryor who were relatively cheap at like $12 and $10 respectively. The auction process works by nominating a player and then the people bid on them. I entered the draft with some key people in mind but not exactly sure what I was willing to pay for them.
The first couple guys were Gronk ($51), Zeke ($62), Shady ($85), Julio ($105), Michael Thomas ($80), Lynch ($63), AJ Green ($100) and Doug Baldwin ($62). I had not gotten anyone and still had $225 of my salary so I was getting eager and the only top WR’s left were Jordy and TY Hilton. Jordy came up and I wasn’t going to let him slip. I got back and forth with some bro and ended up snagging him at ($105). Clearly this is not nearly as good value as getting Julio at the same exact price, but I needed a stud on my team.
A few other notable players I got were:
Andrew Luck – $4 – My jaw dropped
Jimmy Graham – $20 – Way undervalued imo. This guy was a 1st round pick 2 years ago
Dalvin Cook – $49 – I’m going to be keying in on him on every draft. The volume is there and he’s cheap (for now)
Danny Woodhead – $20 – I’m not a huge Woodhead guy but he was cheap for a RB on a team with uncertainty at RB. In .5 ppr, I hope he’ll have some value
Cameron Meredith – $8 – Like I don’t want the team’s #1 WR for 8 bucks
Zay Jones – $5 – Like I don’t want the teams #1 WR for 5 bucks
Kenny Britt – $4 – Like I don’t want the team’s #1 WR for 4 bucks
I have a few other guys but all in all I think I’ll be competitive. I’m short on RB’s so I’ll hope to package one of those WR and Woodhead if I they get off to fast starts. Guys who I wanted to get in the draft that passed me by were A Pete and Jamaal. I think there still may be some gas in the tank but this may be wishful thinking.
By Tom Stortz|
2017-08-25T12:47:01+00:00 August 25th, 2017|Movies|Comments Off on First Auction Draft
This post is a surefire way of bringing Blake Lively pics into it while also trying to make a point on what makes a better shark movie.
Let me take you back to 2003 when Open Water was released. I was a mere lad of 20 and mainly remember thinking the movie was short (79 minutes) which always bothered me when I spent $8.50. Last night for some reason I turned it on and watched the last 30 minutes. Already knowing the premise, I don’t know if you really need to watch all 79 minutes. Essentially 2 scuba divers get left behind and spend X amount of hours in, you guessed it, open water. Eventually sharks eat them but the film does a great job of giving you the feeling of what it actually would be like to be stranded. At the end, they show all the search teams being released but by then it was too late. Far too much ground to cover in the vast ocean and I walked away satisfied that the girl who showed her boobs (one of the few parts I remembered) didn’t survive. I hate happy endings.
Considering I was going to make a Blake Lively post to void this Katy Perry residue off my blog, Open Water was the perfect segway. To clarify on the annoyance of Katy Perry, her music flat out sucks. I’m sorry but I didn’t have any problem with Firework or Teenage Dream, but the latest album Witness is trash truck juice. Blake Lively, wife of Ryan Reynolds, turned my head in the Shallows and I’m happy to replace Katy off the hot list with Blake.
I knew she was hot from her role in Accepted but holy smoke show in the Shallows. Watching her in that orange bikini made the movie a rising, er, star from the get go. That being said, the movie was not good from a review stand point (I was surprised by the 77% on Rotten Tomatoes). Blake does some surfing, hangs out by herself for too long, winds up on a rock, then a buoy, then she pulls of an unrealistic move where she gets pulled down to the bottom and the shark impales itself. She helped some seagull along the way who I can’t remember if it survived. I watched the full movie so I wouldn’t say it’s a bad movie, I just prefer more realism.
The take away from both of these movies is that they both made money. Open Water had a $500,000 budget and made $54 million (2003 dollars) and the Shallows was a $17 million budget for $119 million in the box office. Shark movies sell. I liked the feel of Open Water more because it was realistic whereas Blake’s movie was just Blake being Blake with a giant animated shark roaming around. This is hardly an endorsement for either movie, but you can spend your time on worse shark movies like Sharknado, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, or Attack of Jurassic Shark.
Brookes and I don’t agree with what makes a good movie. He admires the process going into making the movie and I focus on the outcome. Movies that don’t move put me to sleep, whereas the slower they move, the more Brookes gets into them (The Revenant). It’s good though because difference of opinions allow for discussion.
For me, TV series have surpassed movies. A 2 hour movie can’t compete with a 12 hour series – followed by multiple seasons. This has skewed my expectations for what I expect out of a movie. I want a jam packed, thought provoking, movie experience to wow me in 2 hours. Realism is key. If I feel that the movie is taking exception to reality, I get turned off.
Here are 6 movies that keep me watching that aren’t “The Shawshank Redemption” or “Goodfellas”.
Schindler’s List (1993)
Out of my list, I imagine this is the highest on other people’s lists. Liam Neeson as Oskar Schindler saves Jewish workers is the premise of this movie. Set in WW2, Oskar Schindler needs to walk a fine line as a German, between playing nice with the SS and putting his plan into action. Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort in Harry Potter) is amazing as the Nazi general and Ben Kingsley plays Liam Neeson’s right hand man perfectly. Directed by Steven Spielberg, this movie is a much watch. One of the few movies that makes me cry because of the testament to self-sacrifice.
This movie isn’t fair to put on my list as I rarely see it played any longer and I haven’t seen it in 10 years. However, the structure of the movie is one that leaves you wondering what the hell is going on. Guy Pearce plays the lead character who suffers from short term memory loss. He has to write notes to himself to continuously remind him as quickly as possible what is happening each day. The story moves from a black to white format and color to span different periods of time and keeps you guessing. Is it fair that I add this to my list even though I haven’t watched it in a long time? I will and get back to you. Watching this movie also made me watch LA Confidential.
Memorial Day was yesterday and Platoon was on. After telling Brookes that this was a movie I enjoyed, I wanted to back it up by watching it. With another viewing, this movie depicts war accurately (or at least to my expectations). Directed by Oliver Stone, who also did Deer Hunter, Full Metal Jacket, and Apocalypse Now, he does a nice job of personalizing the friendships, hardships, and different viewpoints of war between the characters. Barnes played by Tom Berenger is the most fascinating character because he’s as hard nosed as they come. Elias is played by Daniel Defoe and has his place but doesn’t gravitate the way Barnes does. Charlie Sheen does a fine job of playing the role of main story mover. Even John McGinley (Bob from Office Space) makes an appearance as a soldier stuck in the system.
Gran Torino (2008)
I haven’t seen this on television much aside from Fx, where I can’t watch a full movie because of the commercials. I’m going off of memory here but Clint Eastwood’s role is an old time Korean war vet who forms a relationship with his neighbor when he tries to steal his car. The story involves Walt, Clint’s character, taking the boy under his wing and helping him out with his gangster cronies. It is a powerful story which Clint Eastwood plays off to perfection as an old crotchety old man.
I’ve seen Snatch a dozen times and it gets better every time. Once you’ve watched it through once, you start to know the characters and each re-watch becomes better because they all have their own identities. A Guy Ritchie directed film, multiple sub plots come together to form incredible action. Boris the Blade’s perseverance. Brick Top’s soulless attitude. Turkish and Tommy dealing with the Pikeys. Bullet Tooth Tony and his Desert Eagle .50. Brad Pitt as Mickey and the bare knuckle boxing. Tyrone the Getaway Driver, “Course I am”. A conglomerate of excellence.
Inglorious Basterds (2009)
I don’t know why Basterds is spelled like that so you’ll have to ask Quentin Tarentino and I’m too lazy to look it up. This movie was my first introduction to Christoph Waltz and he followed it up brilliantly in Green Hornet (watch this Sam). Let me start by writing that the intro scene with Waltz and the Nazi’s looking for the daughters is unbeatable. Shosanna! Brad Pitt leading the American side against Hans Landa is a work of art. The name game in the basement bar can be found below and is also one of my favorite scenes. Even watching the main soldier vie for Shosanna has its moments. Plus who can forget the Bear Jew. The ending pays off as well which I find is a must for me.
So there you go. I like WW2 movies and any others pertaining to war. I learned something about myself. I suppose this also shows why any movie that involves fictional characters (think Batman) and bizarre animals (think Jaws, ET, or Jurassic Park) don’t do it for me.
A photoshop creation where I should have quit before I started.
I’ve eaten about 7 Chips Ahoy cookies today because I bought some whole milk at the store. What I like to do is stuff the whole cookie in my mouth, take a swig of milk, and it’s fantastically tasty. I don’t normally eat junk food but I’m making an exception because I hardly drank much alcohol this weekend (compared to last weekend) and didn’t get out of line. I exercised both days and will feel good starting the week. This was my intent.
I imagine most of you, ok none of you, read the other blog Sam has on his blogroll. It’s his friend from college and he writes more like an academic than a human being, but that’s coming from me, you can judge for yourself. He created a post that listed books that he’s read and recommended. In my sobriety, I decided to read one of the suggestions titled a Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving (this got a please read this book).
It read it on my Kindle, so I’m not exactly certain how long it was, but I think I saw 617 pages online. Amount of pages means nothing because of font size but I started the book on Wednesday and finished it an hour ago. There were 9 chapters and I’d estimate each one took about and hour and half to finish. It’s about 12-15 hours of your time to read.
Before I go into the book, I haven’t read a fiction novel in quite some time. I’ve been bouncing between hobbies, TV series, and movies so reading was a welcomed change.
This guy was based off of Owen Meany. Know who?
My book review of A Prayer for Owen Meany is that it definitely elicits emotion. I found myself laughing at some absurdity of the characters, genuine laughter, and the end is a tear jerker even though you know what happens throughout. It was the right amount of religious talk combined with the current affairs of the Vietnam war not to put me off. I don’t mind reading opinions of religion and fate as long as it’s not forced down my throat. I was a big fan of the way “the shot” came together at the end. I’d give the book an 8/10 for its entertaining style throughout. Owen a 10/10 as a character.
As my title is plural, I also watched the Abyss on Brookes comment of, “you haven’t seen the Abyss?” Brookes and I have varying tastes on movies so I always like to see what he loves and then see if they fit my mold. Most often they don’t, but I think it’s more fun that way. Onward to the Abyss
Not a knock against the movie but one of my least favorite characters of all time is Gina from Scarface. How stupid can you be to let Tony stake your beauty salon? She was also Vincent’s GF in the Color of Money who I also wasn’t a fan of so I have notable disdain for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. She also annoyed me in The Abyss. Fortunately she was saved by Ed Harris who is a cool actor in general.
The Abyss is a movie about a psycho navy seal who is hell bent on rescuing, or setting off a nuclear war head, so the Russians can’t get it. This nuclear war head happened to be on a submarine that crashed, and I’m not sure here, by some magic. In order to get the war head from the submarine, the Navy had to aboard this gas drilling company’s rig deep in the ocean. Some stuff happens on the ship with people dying and the Seal getting increasingly nervous. Lindsey (Gina from Scarface) sees some more magic, then a bizarre battle of submarine controlled ships takes place, the war head floats to the bottom of some trench, Ed Harris becomes Jesus Christ and Saves Lindsey from certain death, and then Ed Harris breathes water in order to float to the bottom to disarm the warhead. A wildly odd happy ending occurs when the magic saves the day.
I read a bit about it and the footage they got and what they put the cast through was intense. The scenes were amazingly shot, especially the under water ones. James Cameron ahead of his time obviously. The ending was a bit hokey and that kind of ruined it for me. It was entertaining but nothing to write home about. Sorry Brookes. 6/10.
THE ABYSS, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Ed Harris, 1989, TM & (c) 20th Century Fox
Pre-internet porn was a simpler time. Seeing a boob was a big deal back then and there weren’t a whole lot of moving pieces of flesh when you were 13. Sure getting your hands on your dad’s Playboy was great, but video is king.
There was Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries and Compromising Situations on Showtime which were the A+material. However these were only on at midnight and taping them was a pretty risky move. Plus you’d always have to be on edge you wouldn’t get caught. This led to finding shows that showed a boob or a movie scene where a boob flashed to get by. Here is the list of the best scenes I recall.
Wild Things (1998)
The cream of the absolute crop. Denise Richards had the best tits in the entire world when I was 15. There were about 4 scenes in this movie that were all worth watching starting with the car wash. The champagne on her arched back was also the tits.
Da Vinci! Zero Cool! The Plague! Tons of great references in this average movie but let us all not forget that Angelina showed her boobs. Not the most erotic scene but you take what you can get. This was hardly my favorite scene back then but it being Angelina makes it worthwhile.
Just One of the Guys (1985)
I swear to god if you watched this movie when you were young you must remember the scene when Joyce Hyser whipped out her tits. She goes from a tuxedo to an enormous rack in a split second and you know you saw something but it’s such a glimpse that it leaves you wanting more. If it wasn’t on tape, you’d have to scan the TV guide until it came on again and you’d be sprinkled with a short 2 second clip for the spank bank.
Starship Troopers (1997)
THIS GIRL. We all wanted to see Denise Richards character but it was Dizzy who wanted the spotlight back then. Not a bad movie by any means but Carmen would have made it in the history books and instead everyone just talks about dongs in the bathroom.
Jesse didn’t do it for me back then. I’m sure I saw this years after its release but I was more turned off than turned on by Elizabeth Berkely. I think it had to be that she was next to Kelly all those years and could only get the attention by getting naked. ShowGirls had an NC-17 rating which also made it gain a lot of exposure.
I never actually watched the entire movie but I remember my parents watched it one night and said it was too racy for the children. Obviously I wanted to see what was there. Here is the actual scene and it’s pretty tame by today’s standards. Nice rack from Demi. Michael Douglas played the male role and in conjunction with Basic Instinct, this guy really pulled the movie tail.
Under Seige (1992)
Erica Eleniak (whose name I only learned today), but remembered from BayWatch surprisingly, whipped her boobs out in this one scene in Under Seige. I know that Steven Segal was in the movie but couldn’t tell you one part about it other than this scene which was the only reason I watched. Somewhere near the middle.
The Specialist (1994)
Sharon Stone’s nakedness combined with Sly Stallone’s muscular body make this a superstar sex scene. I almost didn’t include this one because Sly’s ass is pretty much featured though out the entire scene but I feel like the list wouldn’t be complete without it.
I know I missed Bound and Species but I don’t believe I watched through them entirely.
When I see that a movie has 4 stars, I’m more apt to watch it than one that got 1 star. I imagine you’re the same way. Unfortunately, the Comcast cable rating system (produced by Rovi, who bought TIVO) has been over run by money. Obviously the studios know that a viewer feels the same way as us, so they pay Rovi to give their movie 4 stars (total guess here). This is a bit misleading and it’s worth looking what movies are getting 4 stars. I’ve viewed these in the past month or so and although I wouldn’t call them bad, they are far more entertaining than quality oriented.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
8.2 IMDB, 92% Rotten Tomatoes
The 7th movie in the series is the 3rd highest grossing film of all-time and is directed by JJ Abrams. Unfortunately this is not reason to be voted a 4 star movie.
I watched this movie and can’t understand how people loved it so much. Here are the reasons why:
Did not fight like a badass.
It was a mere 100 minutes. If they had a lot of good material, it would have been longer.
Han and Leia’s son, Kylo Ren, was such a pussy and the actor who played Kylo starred in a movie called Gayby previously.
Princess Leia didn’t age that well and was a shitty General.
When the Rebellion was attacking the ridiculously named “StarKiller”, some guy said “we’ve lost half our fleet.” They had about 8 ships left so that means they lost 4 planes. I swear there were hundreds of TIE fighters zooming around.
You barely knew how to use a blaster.
How did the guy Fin get so good at using a light saber to fight Kylo Ren in the final scene? He wasn’t even a Jedi?
They blew up the StarKiller the same exact way they blew up the Deathstar which had to be an inside joke.
It was nice to see Harrison Ford back as Han Solo but that reason is hardly enough for 4 stars.
8.1 IMBD, 84% Rotten Tomatoes
We have another winner with the audience and most likely why it got 4 stars. I must be getting old but here are the reasons why I wouldn’t have it be a 4 star movie.
The storyline, which is the main reason a movie should be rated 4 stars, was average at best. Guy falls in love, gets terminal cancer (what?), meets a rando in the bar, gets pain treatment, turns into a mutant, shoots the bad guy in the head and gets the girl. That’s really the entire story. Think Schnindler’s List or the Godfather for a 4 star storyline.
Ryan Reynolds may work out
The hot fuck scenes don’t make the movie worth watching. Morena Baccarin is sexy as hell and I loved her in Homeland.
The fights were flat out bizarre. What’s the point of fighting if no one ever gets hurt? Colossus and the girl with the boob out at the end were only wasting time.
How did Deadpool kill the guy at the end? There were probably thousands of bullets flying around that scene at the end
TJ Miller was pretty good comedic relief for what that’s worth. It was actually a funny movie with the dialogue but once again, the story makes the movie. I enjoyed how Deadpool talked directly to the audience. The taxi driver side plot was weird.
Mad Max: Fury Road
8.1 IMDB, 98% Rotten Tomatoes
4 stars seems a little absurd for this movie unless there is a hidden underlying theme that I’m completely missing. Even still, I love watching the movie at various junctures.
The dude playing guitar on the rig is sweet every time I see it.
I always found it kind of weird that the war rig rarely gets damaged.
Tom Hardy as Max is bad ass because he never has much to say and pretty much steals the show.
I’m not a huge Charlize Theron fan but I she didn’t annoy me.
I like the movie because I can pick it up at any scene and know I never missed anything. Kind of like Blue Streak. Alas for this reason, it probably wasn’t a stellar movie story wise.
8.1 on IMBD. 82% on Rotten Tomatoes
If you would have just died, you would have saved me 2 hours.
You’ll have to forgive me for this review as I haven’t even finished the movie. It’s that boring though that it’s taken me 5 tries watching 10 minutes with each go. Leonardo gets hurt and then gets hunted. Or starts to hunt. Who cares? It’s cool to visualize life back then, but boy is this movie slow and stupid. Maybe I’ll update it when I finish it.
4 stars is flat out misleading. My opinion of a 4 star movie is one that’s in the top 3% of all movies ever produced. The Departed was also 4 stars on Comcast and this is a movie I agree with. It makes you think because it’s deceptive. It’s perfectly acted by at least a dozen characters. It catches you by surprise with the ending and makes you come away thinking, “holy shit”. None of these movies did that for me.
If you want to make movies 5 stars, that would make more sense. Don’t give out a 5 star review unles sit deserves it. Maybe 4 stars aren’t enough because if you look at all of the scores of these movies, they all fall in line with 75% or greater which should be a 4 star movie. Unfortunately this is not the way I believe the rating system should work, and hasn’t worked in the past. Too much manipulation. What do you think?
Every single person on Earth has to deal with eliminating waste which gives the process mass appeal. I’ve compiled my favorite fart or poop scenes from movies and will share them with you today. Did I miss any?
Blazing Saddles – “Beans, Beans, They’re Good For Your Heart
Step Brothers – “I thought it was going to be silent”
Rain Man – “I Don’t Mind It”
Hollywood Knights – “Volare”
Austin Powers International Man of Mystery – Who Does #2 Work For
Along Came Polly – The Shart
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle – Battle Shits
BenchWarmers – Beef Stew
Dumb and Dumber – Toilet Scene
American Pie – Finch Has Diarrhea
Click – David Hasselhoff Gets It
Jurassic Park – Toilet Death
By Tom Stortz|
2016-09-01T10:48:28+00:00 September 1st, 2016|Movies|Comments Off on The Best Poop and Fart Scenes
What is somewhat amusing about Woody being my favorite actor is that he hasn’t exactly been in a ton of great movies. Sure, Kingpin is an absolute gem as we make sure we don’t get Munsoned out in the middle of nowhere. White Man Can’t Jump as the clueless, gambling man Billy Ho is as solid of a movie as you get. True Detective could be considered one of the top 10 series of all time and Woody got ridden by Alexandria Daddario is a strong showing. Plus, who can forget Carson Wells as the cocky bounty hunter in No Country For Old Men?
These movies are all classics and his part is always played to perfection. Now if you start going down his filmography, I’ll be perfectly honest, I’ve hardly seen many of the movies. The joke in Kingpin with the reference to Indecent Proposal involving him flew right over my head. I thought the People vs Larry Flynt was decent but I have no reason to ever watch it again. Natural Born Killers is on my list of movies to watch to better define my Woody filmography. That sounded bad.
I haven’t seen any of the Hunger Games movies. Never seen Now You Know Me and Zombieland and I can’t remember his character in Seven Pounds. There are also about 50 movies he has made appearances in that I haven’t heard of. I’m well aware that this isn’t a strong backing for how he could be my favorite actor when there are guys like Robert DeNiro (#45), Tom Hanks(#1), and Jack Nicholson (#26) out there. They must have left Woody off…
The reason I like him is because he seems like a fun guy to be around. He isn’t going Heath Ledger and killing himself for a role (Joker) or Christian Bale and starving himself (the Mechanic). He seems to me like he shows up for work, nails his part, goes home and smokes a doob, and then does it again the next day. I bet he has stories for days. Perhaps I’m partial because KingPin has become one of my favorite movies but maybe I’ll create a part 2 after watching a few more of his roles. I also think he’s a pick that most people wouldn’t select which is another reason I like him more.
A further addition to this post is his Reddit AMA which has become an instant classic when he left after 15 questions when this story popped up:
I swear this is (allegedly) a true story. I went to a high school in LA and you (allegedly) crashed our prom after party (Universal Hilton). You (allegedly) ended up taking the virginity of a girl named Roseanne. You (allegedly) didn’t call her afterwards. She (allegedly) cried a lot. Do you remember any of this and can confirm or have you (allegedly) been so knee deep in hollywood pooty for so long that this qualifies as a mere blip?
/I’m (allegedly) not kidding.
This was my exact reaction to seeing that gif. Just never understood this. For the longest time I never knew we were looking down the barrel of a gun. I honestly thought it was a camera and was always confused why Bond hates photographers. It was explained to me at some point and made a lot more sense that it was a gun barrel we were looking down…
By Tom Stortz|
2015-11-09T11:56:14+00:00 November 9th, 2015|Movies|Comments Off on The Bond Intro
I’m not a huge Star Wars fan. I’ve watched episodes 4, 5,and 6 for the sole purpose of watching them. I then watched episode 1 in a theater when I was in high school. I tried to get through 2 and didn’t watch 3. However, I’m aware of Jar Jar and rabid fans general disgust for him. The fact that someone took as much time as this guy did to come up with this theory is tremendous. I’m genuinely impressed that human beings look into movies this closely. Theory makes sense to me.
Does this look like a goofball?
By Tom Stortz|
2015-11-04T15:31:38+00:00 November 4th, 2015|Movies|Comments Off on Jar Jar Binks is the Most Powerful Creature in the Galaxy?