We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

The decision of Mr. Howard Stern

I sent this letter to try to bump the share price of Sirius and with little care if Howard Stern actually comes back to Sirius Radio. This news would be a nice jump to the share price because Howard really is a major part of Sirius revenue. I have options on Sirius that I made 66% on until today’s fuckjob from Goldman Sucks. I have them out till June though so there is still plenty of time to reap the benefits of a Siri jump. I’m considering liquidating everything I own and going down with the Siri ship. Full steam ahead!

Dear Staff,
I’m writing with regard to Howard Stern’s decision to retire at the end of 2010. Let’s face it, Howard is still currently the biggest thing in radio. He commands a loyal following and he has developed into quite possibly the best interviewer around. I find the shticks with the whack packers so much less entertaining than Howard interviewing A list celebs and other topical figures. He’s been doing it for such a long time that he has a knack for asking the right questions that the audience wants to hear. That being said I would like to bring his decision to retire alongside with the future of Sirius Radio.

As you are well aware, Sirius was revived from the jaws of bankruptcy to come back a long way from it’s low. I have been a supporter of the company for many years now and I truly believe it is here to stay and will thrive in the future. The programming is top notch and people will catch on to static free radio all over the country anywhere, anytime. The main reason I’m writing this is to let Howard know that he has plenty of fans out there who would hate to see him go. He still does a fabulous job and even if it’s only a short term 1 year contract, it would mean a lot to Sirius as a company. This company is on the verge of breaking out and as a big fan of both the show and the company, I know Howard is a major cog in the Sirius machine. This letter is to show my support for the Stern show and to hopefully let Howard know that there are plenty of other fans with my same exact viewpoint. Keep up the good work.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T16:05:59-04:00April 16th, 2010|Music, My Brain|0 Comments

Female Boxing Match

Saw this on TMZ:

I would absolutely go to this if anyone is interested. Even though Gina Lynn is well passed her prime and she’s only 5-2 I think this would make for an interesting cat fight. My first impression is that the neo Nazi is going to whoop her ass because she seems ferocious and not to be messed with. But for some reason I think Gina Lynn will put up a fight. I’ve never been to a boxing or UFC fight but I get the feeling it would be hard to see what’s happening unless you had really good seats. Is this true?

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:33:46-04:00April 16th, 2010|Celeb, My Life, Sports|0 Comments

Where’d they go? part 1

Similar to a VH1 where are they now, I’ve picked a few people who I think disappeared off the face of the earth. These are obviously talented people once in the limelight but decided to fade off either due to personal choice or lack of fame.

Juvenile

I specifically remember playing syphon filter in my basement and listening to 400 degreez from start to finish. “Ha” and “Back that azz up” were the marquee songs from the CD but it was all in all a good cd. He was part of Cash Money which spawned Lil Wayne. If you listened to any of Lil Wayne’s old stuff during this late 90’s era you would be amazed and what’s he’s warped into. My guess is Juvenile could be found in prison nowadays. * I just wikipedia’d him and “He was arrested again in February 2010 in New Orleans when police found him in possession of marijuana.” He’s out on bail though so he’s still roaming the streets on misdemeanor charges.

Shawn Bradley

7-6 and the #2 draft pick of 1993. Bottomline, he was a white stiff. Drafting people from BYU at #2 just doesn’t seem like a good plan (Danny Ainge, Thurl Bailey, and Tom Chambers were the other best). He played 12 seasons in the nba and avg 8 points a game and 2.5 blocks to go along with 6 boards. Over a season I don’t think you can say that this is what you expect out of a # 2 pick. He shot 10% from the arc for his career (4-39). Complete dud draft pick by the 76ers. My guess is he’s living comfortably and he invested his money wisely because he is from a good background with good morals.

Magoo from Timbaland and Magoo
I googled him and could find nothing. I remember when the duo had clock strikes and luv to luv you but Magoo has fallen off the earth while Timbaland has rose to stardom. I wonder how the friendship ended? Timbaland probably told him to get off my back, you’re holding me down. His song is being played all over the radio if you haven’t heard it.

Ja Rule

I owned his first CD Venni Vetti Vicci and I remember it being a great cd. This was before he completely sold out and started doing duets with Jennifer Lopez and Christina Milan. I remember him having feuds with Dr Dre and Eminem and he wasn’t exactly on their gansta rap level. I wikipedia’d him and was pretty impressed with his list of movies and albums. He must have made a lot of money in his day that it allowed him to live freely and out of the public’s eye. This guy pretty much hit it and quit it and now he’s doing whatever he wants.

Launchpad

I think he was only part of the Duck Tales animation and never really made his way to other spin offs. He was kind of a brainless dufus and was always hanging around Huey, Dewey, and Louie and trying to help out. I’m a bit surprised he never got his career going enough to get out of this Duck Tales world and go on to star in his own show. I always thought he had the talent but maybe just not the appeal. Maybe he wasn’t driven to success. This was written because if you actually you knew about Launchpad McQuack you probably would have never thought about him for the rest of your life if you hadn’t read this entry.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:17:12-04:00April 15th, 2010|Celeb|0 Comments

The kid

I’ve thought long and hard about this and I want to name my first born “the kid”. What a cool name. First off it’s two names in one. You can’t just call him kid, it has to be “the kid”. The first reason it’s awesome is because he will actually be a kid. There are plenty of people nicknamed something the kid but they usually are older and it’s a contradictory nickname which makes it laughable. I want people to call the little guy whatever they want. I don’t care if it’s billy the kid or gerald the kid as long as whatever you are calling him is followed by the kid, then he will obviously be the coolest person around. Think about it, the teacher is asking a question and “the kid” raises his hand and the teacher say’s “yes, the kid, do you know the answer ? Everyone in class is like what kid is she talking about but it’s obvious there’s only one real kid. His name is epic and out of all the other kids, he’s THE KID. I really see this catching on because as he gets older it’s awesome to have the nickname the kid. He will be ageless throughout time and enjoy being forever young. I’d be doing him a disservice not naming him the kid. Ted Williams, Griffey, Billy were all the kid. Willie Mays was the say hey kid. My son would be the motherfucking kid.

Absurdity aside, I went on a run the other day and I’m amazed at the rudeness of bikers. I’m running on the far right hand side of the trail and they have this crazed reasoning that whenever they are going to pass they have to scream at you and tell you what side they are passing on. I’m on one side of the track with no oncoming traffic and you have the nerve to yell that you are passing. There is no need for this and you just scared the bejesus out of me in my state of tranquility. I honestly think that all bikers are pussies who can’t gut it out running so they cling to their lame vehicle of transportation. It’s a poor man’s exercise.

I also thought heavily into the word extraordinary. It’s two words combined, extra and ordinary. Now if you are extra ordinary, chances are you aren’t extraordinary. This popped into my head because I know I’ve gotten pretty good at running and I was wondering what it would take to be extraordinary. I don’t have the time and patience to be this term but I’m still closer to it in the field of long distance running than I would guess 95% of the population. I would like to think that everything I do would be to attain the status of extraordinary. People’s commitment towards goals is what can make them better than other people. I’ve set a goal for myself and I will do what it takes to achieve this and for that, I will succeed in life. If I ever give any words of wisdom, setting goals is crucial because it makes you strive for something and put forth the energy towards a goal instead of wandering along. That’s why this weekend I have set a goal of drinking an entire 30 pack by myself. It’s lofty but now I have a measure and we’ll see if I can live up to it.

By Tom Stortz|2010-04-15T00:02:04-04:00April 15th, 2010|My Life|4 Comments

Normal

So the alcohol has been drained from my body and I feel normal again. A new line “get the poison out” is catching on. I heard it on the Howard Stern show when the creator of the sybian was dirty talking this girl on the sybian and used that line. I also heard it on ESPN so I’m not really sure where it’s origin was but if you come to this blog I’ll try to give my best updates on newest culture trends.

I went to the gym today (but not this morning) and ran 6 miles in 35:15 which was pretty good. I felt really good and could have continued. I don’t know if I would have been able to go the full ten at that pace but I think I’m in line to get there by May. I weighed in at 178 which is still about 5-8 pounds more than my ideal running weight but I know that’s going to be hard to achieve as long as I continue to drink on the weekends. I’m really taking this running as serious as I can because at this age, these are going to be my last few best effort attempts at setting times. Plus it keeps me in really good shape.

My dad is a habitual gum chewer and I pretty much never developed the habit but lately he’s been buying different flavors and I’ve come into contact these past few days. He usually buys the blue trident which I find very off putting but there is this orange and pink flavor that get me hooked. I start off with 2 pieces and they will lose their flavor within one minute. But the geniuses within the Trident gum factory have this planned so you just pop in another piece. 10 minutes later I’ve had 5 pieces and this huge wad of gum in my mouth which I don’t spit out for hours and just keep adding to it with more pieces. I know it’s bad for my teeth but once I get started there is no stopping. I have to go back to the dentist this Thursday which isn’t helping the cause. I have ok teeth, besides the two crowns on my front, and would like to keep them that way so I’m going to have to put an end to this gum popping.

I’ve been playing poker and betting on sports off and on but nothing worth talking about. Rimm (Research in Motion, the people who make Blackberry) has made a comeback from it’s earnings debacle and all my other positions have been stable. I’m actually considering restarting and selling everything and then picking one or two companies I like and then writing covered calls on them. I think this would be more profitable then some of the positions I’m in now. I remember the Shee telling me that you don’t really have to know what you’re talking about when talking finance, you just need to know a couple of buzzwords. Positions are a good one because it’s so broad and sounds like a smart word. Equities is a nifty because any nitwit can invest in stocks but if you are putting your money in equities, whoa nelly, you must know what you are talking about. Just mentioning interest rates and their general effect on the market has credence. With interest rates low and steady it’s not surprising to see more money moving towards the equity markets, now’s a good time to load up on positions. Easy as cake.

If you want to know my schedule and when to check for posts. I’ll usually post late at night on the weekdays so people can check first thing in the morning and see something new. Midday posts are rare but certainly not a never. If things come into my head sometimes I’ll quickly post something. Usually never evening posts and no weekend posts. I still find this as entertaining for me as I hope it is for you. I’m a bit surprised I haven’t heard anything from the quotes of the day, I’ve trying to pick good ones and thought it was a good addition but maybe I was off on that.

I also have a drunk video from Jkash once he gets the right USB cord. The bbm is as follows (I’ve taken excerpts):
Him: I’m mad I started the video late. You were not speaking English for a while before I started it.
Me: Is the vid on your phone or camera cause some have different ports
Him: Phone. I’m not a dumb shit. We have the same phone port. It’s smaller than most.
Nowhere did I imply that he was a dumb shit but my question must have come across, how are you that stupid that you don’t know the difference between a phone and camera USB cord? I didn’t mean it that way but the response was pretty funny.

By Tom Stortz|2010-04-14T00:55:58-04:00April 14th, 2010|My Life, Sports|0 Comments

Storm Pictures

Here are some pictures that I took on my phone in the past few months that I never took off. I actually dislike taking pictures with my phone because I feel like the quality is subpar and I’m not a picture person to being with. I’ve added my own commentary ftw. You can click on them to make them clearer. I’m pretty much a whiz in mspaint so if you like these let me know and I can do more.

By Tom Stortz|2010-04-13T15:00:01-04:00April 13th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Back to the grind

I’m waking up at 6 tomorrow to go to the gym. I put in a lackluster couple of miles today and yesterday and it’s just not cutting it so I have to add more to the daily exercise. You have no idea how damaging these weekends are to my body. I didn’t drink at all Thursday night and I had a fine day at work and put in a good workout to feel good for the weekend on Friday. Then the alcohol just seeps into my existence and completely dehydrates me and defuncts me. A Sunday recovery day and all of Monday is what it takes for me to start feeling better again. I honestly feel like a broken record because I’ve done this so many times and have written about it just as many. I should be a guinea pig for the effects of alcohol on the human body and what damage is sustained from constant abuse. And believe me, this isn’t a call for help. I do this to myself and I 100% control it. Things are just more entertaining when you’re drunk and the aftermath is just a forethought when it’s occurring. I’m considering, and believe me this is a stretch, to try to lay off the booze till broad street which is still about 3 weeks away. I know that the alcohol effects my training because of days like today where I’m so thirsty that I just can’t do anything. The other thing is that when I was younger, my consumption wasn’t nearly as much as it is now and I think I avoided this feeling more often. I can’t write good blog posts when I feel like this. My brain doesn’t function properly. Don’t tell me this sucks, just chalk it up to an off day.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:57:11-04:00April 13th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Weekend

I bought a case of Abita which turned out to be a pretty good variety pack. So I was drinking that on Friday. I was dominating the wagon in the first couple games but he ended up tying the series due to my drunkenness. We went to the bar and I was macking on some hideous 40 year old. I honestly can’t explain why I do things like that but it was entertaining none the less. I woke up Saturday and we had a softball game at 11:15. We ended up losing 12-11 and had a handful of things go wrong. I botched one in the outfield and forgot to back up the first baseman on one play. The wagon had a better batting avg than me so I have to fill out the stupid census that he ripped up because he thought it was incoming mail instead of outgoing mail. After the game I started drinking and played poker with Gusto for a while. Then we went to Riverpalooza at 5 or so. I was bombed by 7 and went home. Passed out til probably 9 or ten and some random girl came over. I actually met her at Mad River and got her number so while I was passed out Jkash and Gusto were working some text message game which is why she came over. She was fine but nothing ended up happening. She went to the bathroom and I ended up passing out so she left. I feel kind of lousy after a weekend like that but that’s pretty typical.

By Tom Stortz|2010-04-12T13:28:13-04:00April 12th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Childhood Crushes

So growing up at a teenager you find girls attractive even though you don’t know what to do about it. I’m talking middle school era where you’ll be thinking she’s cute and then “now what”. I wanted to go over girls from my younger days who I thought were hot stuff. Notice my picture selection was from their days when I’d be seeing them as a kid.

Alex Mack (Larisa Oleynik)

I would watch Alex Mack specifically for her. I think I remember liking the show alright but she was the main reason. She also did 10 things I hate about you which I’ve seen recently and she still looked good but I didn’t like her as much when I was 26 instead of 13. Not sure why.

Kelly Kapowski (Tiffany Amber Theissan)

Loved Kelly. Major crush. I used to watch this show twice a day when it would rerun on TBS for years at a time. I’ve seen the episodes when they were on the beach and she is really just a knockout. There are some pictures of her on the net that I would be happy to show but some people view this at work and it wouldn’t be appropriate. I’m sure me along with thousands (millions!?) of other had the same dream.

Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin)

I’m more of a DJ fan now but at the time I thought Stephanie was the hotter sister. This may also be because she developed a meth addiction and sort of blew up. I saw some present day pictures and gave her the benefit of the doubt with this one even though she’s only 15. She was a cute girl growing up, it’s a shame Full House popularity along with the childhood celeb status drove here to craziness.

Tia and Tamara (Tia & Tamara Mowry)

I think I only need one picture here. I used to like the show sister sister. The plot lines were pretty good, roger was a doofus, and them being twins led to plenty of double jokes. I look back now and probably think they are hotter than I remember them but nevertheless pretty good looking females. I wasn’t as gaga over these two but still felt to include them in this list.

Amanda Bynes

She was on All That and she is all that. What a pretty girl. I know she’s still doing some random shows that are bound to flop but in the looks dept she wins. I really don’t know that much about her other than her doing that weird sound on the one skit in All That. This was during my later years where I didn’t really watch that show much but she’s still good enough for this list.

Ashley Banks (Tatyana Ali)

Obviously a lot older in this picture but as Ashley Banks, she was just a cute little girl. I think she’s really, really pretty now which goes against the concept of this list but I think she had a good thing going for her as a kid. Her character kind of sucked on the show and I’m pretty sure her music wasn’t that good but I do remember her having one song that was ok. Not much else to comment on.

I was gonna add Brad from Hey Dude but I don’t think anyone remembers her. I also could add the spice girls, Britney, Summer Sanders, and Christina.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:21:01-04:00April 9th, 2010|Celeb|0 Comments

Same Tiger, Different Hole

Chad made this title so I figured I’d use this sentence to give him credit. As it turns out I won both of my tiger bets I made. He wore a black hat and shot under 70 for the first round. They had a stat on yesterday that said Tiger had never broken 70 in the first round of the majors EVER. Just shows that I was doing my homework before I bet. I really am amazed though how this guy just did that. He has so much media coverage and so much pressure from different areas to perform like that is really remarkable. I would think that his sponsors that dropped him will be really pissed off if he goes on to win this thing. I can’t really see any reason to dislike him other than the whole cheating on the wife thing but if he comes out of this situation a changed man, fine by me. I made a bet with the sheee for 100 dollars that he’ll be with Elin 5 years after their Thanksgiving debacle.

I’ve also encountered 3 ass clowns on the road in the past 2 days that I want to describe. Assclown 1 didn’t want to let me merge into his lane when two lanes were converging to one. I knew it was going to be a hassle the way he was spacing behind the car in front but the lane was ending and there really weren’t any other options. Be a nice guy and let the person in, that simple. Assclown2 was a female. She’s waiting in a lot looking to make a left. There is a huge line of cars coming in the lane she’s trying to get into but none coming the other way. I stop the line of cars effectively letting her in. She waits, and waits, and waits. I’m at a full stop at this point wondering what is going on, so I just assume she doesn’t want to turn and start to accelerate and guess what … she gets the hint and starts to accelerate at the same time so we are accelerating into each other together. We both slam on the brakes and I give a wild “go you stupid bitch” hand signal. Last time I try to be nice. Assclown three was at a light making a left hand turn. The light is green and there is oncoming traffic so he wouldn’t be able to turn. As the light turns yellow he is obligated to move into the center of the intersection and make the left turn when traffic stops for the red light. I could tell he wasn’t going to do it before it happened but I just think people have to understand this simple concept.

Bud Schmidt pointed out to me that my utensil was already created by some other braniac. However I’m sure his name wasn’t as brilliant as mine. Just so we are all on the same page and you understand what goes through my head, I name it the tri-eat. First, 3 different utensils to eat with, the basic behind the name. 2nd, it sounds like treat, and everyone would feel this was a treat to the utensil world. 3rd, it sounds like try it, which is perfect from a marketing stand point. Seriously, I’m a marketing genius.

I’ve been running a lot lately. I put in about 40 miles in the first 4 days of this week and I’ll post my running log sometime next week. I feel asleep at 7pm last night and woke up at 7am today. I did respawn at 2am to take my contacts out and brush my teeth but it was a rare Thursday that I didn’t go out. I feel good today and am looking forward to the weekend. If you are going to Riverpalooza let me know because I would like to attend but no one I know is really going.

By Tom Stortz|2010-04-09T08:11:52-04:00April 9th, 2010|My Brain, My Life, Sports|0 Comments