We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Sit Tight

At around 6pm I decided to get a famous bowl from KFC and do some holiday shopping. I went through the drive through and decided to eat the bowl in the mall parking lot. Mall parking is pretty chaotic at this point in time so I just take the first available spot fairly far away from the entrance. I pull into the 2nd spot face first leaving the other spot behind me. I start eating my famous bowl and am about half way through when an SUV pulls up behind me. It’s a guy and a girl about 17 or so. After settling into the parking spot they lip kiss each other for about 10 seconds. I’m watching this in my rearview finishing my bowl. Next thing I know the girls head went into the guys lap. Unless she just happened to lose her contact there’s only one reason I could think of why her head fell out of sight. So I’m basically sitting there ready to go shopping and I’m stuck in my car. I can’t open the door or else they’d be like “what the fuck?” I was completely frozen for like 5 straight minutes praying to god they don’t walk forward past the car. An eternity later they finish up and thankfully exit rear car. Not what I was expecting on my holiday shopping spree.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:18:18-04:00December 23rd, 2011|My Life|2 Comments

Avoiding the Pain in the Ass

Last night Laura and I had dinner at a nice restaurant in the Rittenhouse Square area called Devon. It’s known for its seafood. When you walk in there is a main bar section and then a lower level that is the dining area. It was way bigger than I would have thought and equally as nice. We sat at a 4 person table which I’m always unsure if I should sit next to her or in front of her. I got some sort of butterfish that was from New Zealand as a tribute to Jeff. The meal was really nice and reasonably priced although I’d certainly tip the scale towards the higher side. I went back after that went out with Big Steve and a few other people in Manayunk and Dooley said that it was the most sober he’d ever seen me. After dinner I was really stuffed and I couldn’t drink for a while which is why it was the case. I hung out til about 1am and then went home to watch the second part of the 24/7 Flyers-Rangers. I really enjoy this program even though I don’t really like hockey. I woke up at noon the next day which is pretty pathetic but a day off here and there is ok. This brings me to the title of this post.

I need to eat something. I’m deciding if I want to make something from the freezer or just drive to WaWa and have someone make something for me. It takes 20 minutes to make something and I’m not in the mood so I’ll just drive and it will probably take 20 minutes round trip. There are two WaWa’s near me. One is about 8 minutes but the drive is easy and there will be adequate parking and it’s a nicer facility. The other WaWa is about 5 minutes but the parking can be a nightmare. I’m going to drive the extra minutes for the convenience. This goes against my usual “do everything as simple as possible” but in certain scenarios it just makes sense. After food I plan to go to the gym and then buy a few more gifts for people. Living the life.

By Tom Stortz|2011-12-23T12:46:55-05:00December 23rd, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

Making Mad

Small things infuriate me. You could tell me that my house is on fire and that wouldn’t bother me as much as no good songs being played on the radio. I can’t explain it but I don’t lose my cool over major life altering circumstance but when a vendor wants to charge me 150 dollars to ship one package from Allentown to Philadelphia, my brain just starts flipping out. Today I nearly lost it when a piece of tape didn’t stick to a box properly. Or when a crumpled up piece of paper hits the rim of the trash can and hits the floor. What about when WordPress in Mozilla doesn’t allow me to add pictures to my blog post so I have to go in IE and that doesn’t let me place them anywhere but the top of the post. And then the up arrow doesn’t work. These minor things seriously start getting under my skin.

I didn’t think of this point before I decided to create this post, it just dawned on me while I was writing and I abruptly ended the last paragraph. Things really piss me off when they should work, and they don’t. When something doesn’t work because it’s not supposed to, meaning you dropped your phone on concrete and now it’s broken, that’s ok. When you wake up in the morning and your phone doesn’t turn on after a night of charging gets me boiling. It sometimes feels like there is someone making sure things go wrong sometimes. I want to live in a perfect world where everything operates the way I expect it to operate. I think when big things go wrong you just accept that they went wrong. Small things have the tendency to make you wonder how the hell did that happen. I’m sure I can’t be the only person who feels this way.

By Tom Stortz|2011-12-22T14:00:19-05:00December 22nd, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

Gift Buying For a 28 Year Old

Who’s the easiest person to buy a gift for? Yourself obviously. I went out and bought a few things that I know that I’d enjoy. I presume these gift ideas would work well for anyone like myself who enjoys rock and roll, good TV, and a fun read.

Breaking Bad Season 1 – $12.99 – I’ve heard from critics that this could be the greatest show on TV. Obviously when I hear that it somewhat piques my interest. For only 13 bucks I figured what the hell. Naturally there are only 6 episodes for the first season but I’m still interested. A brief summary of Breaking Bad is it’s about a man who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and he starts selling meth. Good price for a good story.

Arrested Development Season 1- $20.99 – People rave about this show and how they pray for a new season. We all know how much I hate Jason Bateman but I still give things a chance. People say the show is smart funny and is one of the best sitcoms ever. My gut feeling is that it probably tries to hard. When people tell me that I have to understand the characters to get the show I think it immediately lowers it a notch. I hear that from people who watch the office and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia all the time. Let me fill you in, if it’s not funny, it doesn’t matter if I don’t get the characters.

Young the Giant – Young the Giant – $9.99 – This album debuted at the beginning of this year but I’m not usually lining up to buy a new CD. With the very nice singles My Body and Cough Syrup I decided I’ll throw 10 bucks their way. The first track is Apartment and I think it should be hitting the radio because it’s really great. I haven’t had the oppurtunity to give it the listen it deserves but the band obviously has talent and really seem to sync to make some really easy to listen alt music.

Led Zeppelin Biography- When Giants Walked the Earth – $12.99 – About 500 pages of pure Led Zeppelin. Obviously only people interested in music would like to read about a band that’s 40 years old but there’s something about that era that just fascinates me. How did they play so much better music that long ago compared to today. People have evolved in so many ways just not Rock and Roll. Learning about their life can clue me on possibly why this has occurred.

Tucker Max – Assholes Finish First – $16.00 – The sequel to I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. I did read the first one and find his stories amusing. I sort of envy his approach to females and not giving a fuck but I’m well aware this will never be the person I am. That’s why I like reading about them. He’s really a good writer and makes hilarious comparisons and tells stories with quite a flare. Not for the person who has never done anything wrong in their life because this book will definitely gross you out. I, however, am extremely amused.

By Tom Stortz|2011-12-21T23:17:15-05:00December 21st, 2011|Music|1 Comment

Drone Wars – Storage Wars 12/21/11

In tonight’s episode you had people spending a lot of money and seemingly making out well. The valuation part of the show needs to change. That aside, its interesting to see how the prices of the lockers rise with the popularity of the show. The bidding process still seems somewhat real to me. Watching Dan push Barry aside when he flew the chopper into the locker seems too real to be staged. Darrell did seem to possess some knowledge of the contractor locker but I think they value things on retail pricing, not what Darrell can actually get. If he went to a place with all that tile, I can’t believe they’d pay 10 bucks per piece. The Jarrod bidding against Nabila did end somewhat abruptly which was odd. I find it weird when they just keep bidding against each other just because. It was nice to see Jarrod and Brandi lose on a locker especially when he just starts popping out values for items. This means he probably got his ass handed to him on it. Barry luckboxed his way to a win which seemed pretty lucky but I did learn how to tell real pearls from fake pearls (real are gritty against your teeth). That is one thing I do like about the show, it does give you an idea of what to look for and a general valuation. Interesting episode but the formula is getting routine.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:16:23-04:00December 20th, 2011|Tv|0 Comments

Top 5 We Need More of in 2011

5. Courtney Stodden – Courtney Stodden is a 17 year old who married Doug Hutchinson, a 51 year old. She actually got married when she was 16. How you ask? Her mother signed off on the marriage. Doug Hutchinson is a relatively famous actor who played a nut case guard in the Green Mile. Easy to see how he was so good at his role. Back to her, with a plastic body and not even being an adult yet, it’s easy to see where the attention comes from. Undeserved perhaps but my guess is people love watching an immature, bimbo do stupid things on reality TV (which will happen soon). I’m curious.

4. Foster the People – I’m anticipating their second album more than Sloane from Entourage posing for Playboy. Not really but it’s close. Torches is really hitting its stride 6 months after its initial debut. With 4 songs that already have had radio time (only 10 were on the cd) it’s easy to see how hyped people are. This band would be my choice for best new band of 2011 and it’s not even close.

3. Rob Gronkowski – Single season TD record for a TE all time and hanging out with 19 year old pornstars?!? Seriously this guy is the complete player. That’s a great pun. I picked him up off of the waivers in 3 leagues to give you an idea of who knew about this guy. 6-6, 265 and he’s only 22. Just a guess but he’s going to be a top 3 TE for the next 10 years. Bibi Jones, the pornstar in the picture, was my number 6 for this list. Gronk would be on my top 10 list of people to party with.

2. Spotify – I swear this will be the last time I plug spotify but I can’t tell you how much I listen to it. I’m listening to it right now and it hasn’t even caught on yet. You create your own playlists and share them with friends. Currently I’m just listening to my own playlists (which are obviously awesome) but I’d love to listen to what other people consider good music. Most likely I’ll just demean other people’s tastes but at least I have the option. A really fun way to listen to music (minus the ads).

1. Game of Thrones – My #1 is a bit high because I’ve read the books by George R.R Martin. They were phenomenal. However, watching the series is what led me on to the books. I probably won’t enjoy the HBO series as much but I still think it will be awesome to see how the producers took the book to create the series. HBO has tons of great series and this one will be no different. If people think Ned Start being beheaded was overboard, just wait what’s to come.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:30:53-04:00December 20th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

Top 5 I’m So Tired of in 2011

5. Kim Kardashian – We know you have a smoking body, a great rack, and a slamming booty but the public is tired of you for only being a pretty and proving to the world you have no intelligence or compassion. The whole Kris Humphries wedding ordeal lasting a month should be a taste of what goes through the mind of Kim Kardashian. The fact that she influences this nation in any degree is sad. Your TV show is played out and its about time your no talent self fades into the abyss.

4. Zach Galifianakis – I don’t dislike Zach. I actually found him very likable in Out Cold and the Hangover. Problem is that he became typecast as the eccentric, add some humor type character to every movie. I don’t see him breaking out of this role and I have a feeling his time will pass. However, I’m sure he’ll prove me wrong.

3.IPhone – How many Iphones are there going to be? When are people finally going to come to their senses that Apple makes a few improvements, tacks on a new number and the myriads of nerds start freaking out to get the newest gizmo. I really hope this trend ends.

2. Chaz Bono – You shouldn’t be famous for having a sex change. It’s bizarre and something that shouldn’t be in the limelight as much as it is. This guy/girl is an attention wanting whore who needs to disappear.

1. Barack Obama – I’m not a political person but I pray to god we don’t get 4 more years of Obama. Housing will be terrible till 2013 with no clear end in sight. Unemployment continues to thrive. His main attribute during his term is bailing out corporations who basically sank themselves by being greedy. This President throws so much money into the Gov’t and then can’t answer where the money actually goes that I can’t trust him to make any correct decisions. The idea that the Gov’t will pull us out of this mess is the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. They are just as corrupt as the rest of them. Barack, you earn my #1 spot for I hope I don’t have to hear about your mess in 2011.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:51:33-04:00December 20th, 2011|My Brain|1 Comment

Quote of the Day

“No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.” This is the same book where Sam wrote about everyone wanting a good key but not a shitty lock.

The above part of the paragraph was the worthwhile portion to take out that applies to everything. In the book I’m reading, here is the first portion of it that I excluded for the vulgarity that I’m sure not everyone approves of:

“Ladies, be honest with yourself about who you are and have the courage to be that person. If you want to fuck, then go fuck. If you want to get drunk, get drunk. And there is nothing wrong with sucking a dick. If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they’re bad people. Tell them to lick the dark part of your ass and cut them out of your life.”

By Tom Stortz|2011-12-20T10:12:44-05:00December 20th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

Sudden Death

This Saturday, I woke up fairly hungover at 12pm and took a shower. For some reason blog topics tend to come to me while I’m showering. I think it has something to do with just standing there not doing anything. I can pretty much shampoo and condition my hair, clean my face, and wash my body in 2 minutes buy my average shower probably lasts 7. Sick people probably make a masturbating joke but it’s difficult and way more time consuming with no visualization. Anyway, I thought of the phrase sudden death for some reason and I think most people just think of it as a term rather than really looking into it. The term sudden death means all or nothing. The literal meaning is a little different. What kind of death isn’t sudden? Unless you’re of old age and die in your sleep, nobody ever really expects to die. Which also got me thinking that of all the painful ways to die, people who die in their sleep are probably the people who have earned that privilege. Assuming I believe in god, what if he chose your way to die based on the type of life you live. That your actions in life determine your death. Good, non-sinning people get to die in their sleep while the rest of us have to deal with heart attacks, car wrecks, and cancer. This obviously isn’t the case because I’m sure good people get malicious diseases all the time at no fault of their own but it’s still something to consider. I also should point out that I attribute this post to the series 6 Feet Under where a person dies at the beginning of every episode, almost always suddenly.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:18:53-04:00December 19th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

What’s in the News

After just perusing Yahoo’s top stories, there are a couple that deserve comments.

2011 Film Flops – They displayed a bunch of movies with big stars in them such as Katie Holmes, Nicolas Cage, and Natalie Portman that completely bombed at the box office. Out of the 11 movies the top one grossed 30,000. How is that even possible? I have to assume that the salaries these actors are getting are many times that. The last movie with Ashley Judd grossed 1,200 dollars? I think I could make a video on youtube that grosses more than that. Essentially we are seeing a declining market in the movies. Be it overpriced, better alternatives, or just a change in times, this industry can’t keep losing money like this.

Chaz splits from Fiancee– Anyone else find this wildly disturbing. I’m not up to date on Chaz’s life but let me see if I understand this. Chaz was a woman who I have to guess was friends with this other woman. Then he decided to be a man and proposed to her? Now they are calling it off? Shocking, I wonder what went wrong. America is a really bizarre place for not only this to happen but for it to be a major headline.

11 Failing Companies – Not a huge amount of shockers here. I’ve wrote before of how retail stores are destined to fail so it’s not surprising to see Best Buy. Blackberry is just a matter of time before EVERYONE realizes they are inferior to other devices out there. The Washington Post is a failing print media company which will be extinct 5 years from now. OfficeMax is a complete joke and I could see that coming a mile away. The physical mailing of DVD’s will haunt Netflix but I still think they have enough innovation in the streaming. HP has always seemed like an off brand for me. Sears won’t last and Bank of America will just sort of survive. Interesting year though for companies.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:18:40-04:00December 19th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments