We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

The Day I Almost Killed a Man

It was today, but I digress.

I’ve been playing golf for over 15 years and have never been struck by a ball. It seems like getting hit would happen more often but for some reason it’s a rarity. My closest encounter was almost beheading myself when I attempted a punch shot through two trees 5 feet in front of me. My shot rifled against the tree and ricocheted right back at me and missed my head by 6 inches. Today was 1 inch.

I hit a nice drive up the fairway and had a long 250 yard shot on a par 5 that would get me close in 2. I chose my 4 iron and addressed the ball. As I made my swing downward I could feel my club face wasn’t square and opened up dramatically. The club hit the ball and created a screamer that was heading dead right. Lance, our playing partner, was ahead looking for his ball and had turned back and was driving his cart directly towards the ball. I screamed out, “Lance!” with terror in my voice because the ball was flying right for him. The ball connects directly with the cart’s windshield which has the picture you see to the right. Amazingly the ball misses Lance and bounces off the cart. After looking at the mark made on the windshield, I was 1 inch away from killing a human being.

I was pretty rattled and Lance was just laughing which I couldn’t understand because he was moments away from being killed. Obviously this wasn’t intentional but I would have felt horrible. I couldn’t shake that feeling for the next few holes and I was unbelievably relieved when he wasn’t even mad at me for the shot. This post is a word of warning to anyone who plays golf, always be behind the ball when someone is hitting. No where is safe.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-14T22:32:28-04:00June 14th, 2014|Sports|0 Comments

Killer Soundtrack Songs

Wonderful songs are found on movie soundtracks. I even create playlists on Spotify that mimic soundtracks exactly. Here are a few songs that I urge you to listen to if you never have.

Mary’s Prayer by Danny Wilson
From the Something About Mary soundtrack, a Farrelly brothers movie, which usually have dynamite soundtracks. Lining up with the main characters name adds to a great song. A Jeff favorite.

If You Were Here by Thompson Twins
I will always watch 16 Candles if it is on. The Samantha Baker / Jake Ryan romance is about as good as it gets. The kiss scene across the birthday cake is amped up with the fabulous song by the Thompson Twins.

Bad Reputation by Freedy Johnston
Another Farrelly brothers soundtrack from the movie Kingpin. It’s hard not to pick Showdown by ELO during the bowling scene and Bill Murray’s wild hair.

Everybody’s Talkin by Harry Nilsson
Midnight Cowboy is a decent movie but it produced an A+ song. It’s used many times throughout the movie and has a nice rhythm to it.

The World Ain’t Slowing Down by Ellis Paul
Round it out with the 3rd Farrelly brother movie Me, Myself, and Irene. Awesome song that relates to everyone at some time or another.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-12T20:46:09-04:00June 12th, 2014|Music|1 Comment

Sixers Trading Thaddeus Young and #3 for the #1?

Tank For Wiggins!

I’m not a diehard Sixers fan but if I had to pick a favorite team, it’d be them. The Sixers took a team that had no chance of winning a title with Jrue Holiday and Evan Turner as their best players, and traded them away to get Nerlens Noel, Michael Carter Williams and the 3rd and 10th picks in this year’s draft. They flushed an entire season down the toilet to get set up in this manner. I do agree something needed to be done differently, however, I don’t see the spot they are in now as an amazing place to play from.

The Sixers have 2 NBA players (MCW – solid PG, Thad – upper end 6th man), 1 inexperienced center (Noel), and the 3 and 10 picks who are big question marks. The rest of the team sucks. Tony Wroten and James Anderson are the next best players. I have to raise the question, how is this position leaps and bounds better?

As a fan, I get extremely disappointed when teams tank. It’s pathetic and a slap in the face to the game. It’s trying to work the system in a way that might not even work. Has Gregg Popivich had winning seasons for 17 straight years because they tanked? WELLLLLLL, in his first season the team was 17-47 which enabled them to get Duncan. 17 years though can’t be questioned and goes far beyond tanking for a season.

Sixers Draft

So here we sit in June anticipating the draft and wondering what the Sixers are going to do. Rumors are swirling that they want Wiggins and Thad’s name has gone along with trading up to the #1 spot to make sure it happens. I think this is a horrible idea considering you don’t even know if the Cavs want Wiggins. This makes negotiating imperative because why give up Thad if the Cavs are going to take Embiid. Information and talks in June are mind blowing because the top 3 teams have to be careful in what information to reveal. Here is how I see conversation going:

Sixers: So Cleveland, are you going to draft Embiid?

Cavs: We might, but we also like Wiggins.

Sixers: We might really want Wiggins….or maybe Parker. Would you be interested in the trading the pick?

Cavs: Hmmmm, Who are you going to take?

Sixers: Hmmmm. I guess that depends on what the Bucks do. Hey Bucks, who are you drafting?

Bucks: Hmmmm. I’ll tell you if you tell me.

Information at this point is powerful because teams don’t know what to do. If you watched the 1984 draft on NBAtv you’d understand how important one draft pick can be. Is Andrew Wiggins the next Jordan? Who knows but is he worth giving up Thad Young to make sure? The answer is yes if he’s the next Jordan. I get the feeling that the Sixers feel like he is the next Jordan and that Wiggins it the piece to this puzzle that Hinkie has to make sure he gets. After watching his NCAA performance, there are many question marks. Remember, Jordan hit the winning shot for UNC to give their team the NCAA championship in his third year of college ball.

I am in full support of the move the Sixers made even though I think tanking is a rat way to play the game and a disgrace to the fans. Their chances of winning with Jrue, Evan, Spence, and the rest of the crew were 0. At least this is a different way of looking at the game even if it falls flat on its face. One thing for certain is that the team will have young talent, but that doesn’t translate to championships.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-11T08:10:05-04:00June 11th, 2014|Sports|0 Comments

It’s All About You

I understand the idea of creating posts that are targeted at the person reading the post. I’ve been reading up on how to do a better job on this but I’m running into road blocks which I’ll lay out in bullet point format.

I can’t solve your problems. I can’t solve my own problems. I’m more qualified at creating problems. That I’m good at. If you want to know how get shit faced and spend your weekly pay at a strip club, I’m your man. If you want to wake up with raging hangovers wondering where you are, I’ll guide you to nowhere land. If you want me to tell you how to lose weight in 10 easy steps, I’ll tell you to get your fat ass on a treadmill.
I have a real world mentality. Life can be gone in a split second and the universe doesn’t give a shit. Viewing the world like this doesn’t enter most people’s minds because it’s depressing. I can’t convey idealistic messages to readers that I know are bullshit. I’m just a guy who maintains a website. That’s it.
The posts that get the most views on my blog are big breasted celebrities. That should say it all about what people on this planet want. Amber also made this comment on a post I made a week ago that had a picture of a cat – Awwwwwwwwwwww kitties!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3. So cats and boobs.
What I understand the purpose of this blog is to entertain people for a few minutes each day. Funny videos. Fascinating images. A good story or two. I can give what my brain has to offer.

Aside from that, I don’t give a shit about you. Just kidding. I love you all. That’s a lie. Why is that gif below? Who cares.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-11T00:46:48-04:00June 11th, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

No Thanks, I’m Staying In

Ever since college, my life has been stepping stones to where I am now. I was privileged enough that I didn’t come out of college with student loans and was also able to find a job 1 week out of school. My journey, aka my life, has been pretty by the book by most account. I want to give a macro view of my living situations and financial feelings.

21 years old – I spent the first 2 years living at home and saving money. I had no bills and saved an unbelievable amount of money with no idea how much I actually had.
23 – Next I lived at Summit Park for a year where my rent was $550 bucks a month that included everything. I invested a large amount at the height of the stock market, lost it, and this emotionally scarred me for life about the market
24-28 – I moved to Manayunk with 2 other roommates and our rent was $600 + utilities. The amount of money I was making was right in line with giving me financial freedom to drink at the bars as much as I wanted but I wasn’t able to save money like I was earlier in my life.
29 – I moved into Philadelphia, about 5 minutes from my work, and was paying about 1,000+ utilities. The utilities were quite cheap but the living condition was a loft which was not ideal for 2 people. My income vs living was close to even.
30- I purchased a home by putting a % of the homes value down and borrowing money. My mortgage payment, with 2 people living in the place, is a tad less than what I was paying before but once utilities are included, it is more expensive than the previous year. Not to mention all of the repairs and maintenance that are involved with owning a house. For me, owning a house isn’t the rosy picture that people make it seem. I won’t argue it isn’t better than renting,. but with how front loaded the mortgage is with interest, the buyer isn’t getting an amazing deal.

All that being said, living in Philly can get expensive. Last week I went out on a Wednesday and spent $90 bucks at the bar. I had a fine time but not 90 bucks worth. And this is a Wednesday! Obviously you can say, “well why did you let yourself spend that much,” which is a valid question. The city isn’t Manayunk or the suburbs where you can buy a beer for 2 bucks. The city involves cabbing to a place which costs 10 bucks every time, paying 5 bucks per drink, a buck for tip, and it adds up to numbers that spiral out of control. Combine that with added expenses to live in the city and here I am typing a blog titled that I’m staying in.

So I sit behind my keyboard, in my house, listening to Foreigner with the NBA game on in the background and ask myself, am I enjoying myself? The answer is undoubtedly yes but I’m not doing anything. It’s not that I don’t want to spend money to do something, I just can’t go out every night. But this isn’t life. This is called passing time. I’m not solving the world’s problems or doing something fulfilling, I’m just existing. Except that I’m existing better off than 90% (I made that figure up) than the rest of the world. Sometimes you have to take a step back and ask yourself, what direction am I going? The easiest answer is, I don’t know, does anyone?

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-10T21:53:23-04:00June 10th, 2014|My Life|0 Comments

Crow Joke

This was the title, “If you get this joke I automatically have more respect for you.” Apparently it’s a huge re-post but the first time I saw it.

I recently learned that a group of crows was called a murder so I figured it had to be related to that. My thinking is, “if there are 2 are they attempting to create a murder. If so…

People were also thinking crow bar.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:08:38-04:00June 10th, 2014|My Brain|2 Comments

Get Paid to Like on Facebook

This video title “Facebook Fraud”, opened my eyes to the truth behind Facebook Advertising. I understand not wanting to spend 8 minutes watching the video so I’ll sum it up in 1 sentence – paying Facebook to run your ad as a sponsored page is a waste of money and it needs to be exposed.

Getting Started with Facebook Ads

How Do I See Who Likes My Page in Facebook?

Click the people who liked this on the dropdown

The first interesting tidbit you run into is that Facebook makes it difficult to even find the page to see the actual people who like the page. You must click on “settings”, then click on “banned users” and switch the users to “people who like this” in the drop down. This is the first sign that Facebook tries to hide who views your page because they must have an inkling it’s bogus. The reason they don’t want you seeing your likes could be for privacy concerns but more likely it is to hide the data.

How Real Are the People Who Like My Page?

I went through 62 out of the 926 people who like our company page (most of which was accumulated by paying for likes) in FULL detail. I looked at where they worked, who else they were clicking on, went through their pictures, the full nine yards to understand what I was getting. Once you look at 62 random Facebook profiles, you start to pick up some understanding of what you are looking at.

Any correlation here?

It’s quite easy to spot people who are shills or people from “click farms”. The amount of likes a single person may have can range upwards of 10,000. Most people of the 62 fall between the range of 1,000-6,000. Now check how many likes you have. I have 63 personally. Most real accounts I checked ranged from 14-713. If you like thousands of pages with no consistency you are either stupid or paid to like pages. Other info to verify strange doings is when the likes have no baring on the person. I found a guy from New York like San Francisco Pizza. Another liked United Dental, Ortho Mattresses, and Kaa Energy drink. They don’t like your page, they are getting paid to spend your money.

Value?

Out of the 62 people I thoroughly evaluated, 7 were obtained that I would consider of any relevance. That leaves 55 wasted likes which goes off at a little less than a dollar per like. If you extrapolate this through 600 likes, I flushed $500.00 down the toilet. Compare this to my campaigns I’ve run on Adwords and it is night and day. Facebook is under so much pressure to make money that I believe that accounts are set up strictly to like any and everything. If you watched the video in the beginning you’d know they set up click farms in foreign countries to waste people’s money. The campaign I run was strictly USA but it’s clear that it happens everywhere.

If you are considering Facebook advertising, I’d suggest boosting posts to an audience instead of paying for people to like your page in general.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-10T01:30:24-04:00June 10th, 2014|My Brain|2 Comments

Bittersweet Flop

I haven’t been more excited by the NBA since the AI days so it’s sad to see flopping like this. Ginobli is a league leading flopper and he got a real taste of medicine on this play. The slow mo Gif shows it all. The reaction time of Wade is what bothers me but the ref basing it purely off the player should make this his last finals.

Two floppers going at it as bonus material.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-09T14:04:46-04:00June 9th, 2014|Sports|1 Comment

You Are What You Tweet?

Kevin Roper’s Twitter Bio

This is the bio from Kevin Roper’s Twitter account who struck Tracy’s Morgan’s limo on Saturday. Tracy Morgan is in critical condition. It was a 6 car pile up and Morgan’s friend was killed. Kevin Roper may have fell asleep at the wheel after, presumably, not sleeping for 24 hours prior to the crash.

This is what the crash looked like. You can read more about it here.

Be Careful What You Tweet

After I read this, I went back and looked through all my tweets. Social media presents a fascinating perspective that previous generations have never seen. If you crashed into a celebrity 20 years ago, newspapers were the main source of information and the only way they dig up background info was by talking to people who knew you or finding archived documents. Today is drastically different.

This man has a quote in his bio that is relatively harmless until he barrels into a celebrity and kills a person. Should this be used against him? It makes me want to delete every bit of history from every social media site because who knows what the future holds. If I do something unbelievable while drinking, this blog has 5 years of history for people to peruse through and gather a near complete evaluation of me as a person. Is this good or bad and do I care?

Ehhhhh, I don’t know. There are pros and cons like everything else in the world. I like writing what I think and keeping a history book of your life has incredible value because if you don’t, then no one ever knows you even existed. This is not that much of a big deal in the grand scheme of things when considering time but it’s still something. The cons are that there is so much information that if anyone cared enough about my life, they don’t, that they have dirt on me from my honesty. This post is just a reminder of what you already know but don’t usually think about.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-09T12:08:20-04:00June 9th, 2014|Celeb|0 Comments

A Boring Weekend You Don’t Want to Read About

Weekend recap posts are always the lowest on the totem pole but there were a few noteworthy events that happened.

Look familiar Chad?

An 8some went on Saturday for a golf round at Hickory Valley in Gilbertsville. It was a gnat-mare. Sam posted the highest score I’ve ever been a part of carding symbols on the scorecard that I didn’t know were used in golf like question marks and DNF’s. Chad scored an 18 on the last hole sinking at least 5 balls in the water. Nobody played particularly well but it was still fun. Ck4 loves when I write about him in the blog so I’ll also give his long distance putts major credit.
On a whim, I put 10 dollars on Tonalist to win the Belmont Stakes. I went to Evan’s and had an hour to do some research on Tonalist. It turned out he didn’t race the Derby or Preakness and the odds are against a triple crown winner considering it hasn’t happened since 1978 with 12 horses having made attempts. As the research continued, I was getting the feeling that this horse had a shot. I put another 20 bucks on the race and much to my surprise, he actually won. It went off at around 10-1 so I pocketed 300 bucks on a horse race.
With money in my Bovada account, I decided to put money on the Rangers which was extremely exciting to watch but didn’t end up winning. I also put money on Djokovic and watched the finals against Nadal Sunday morning. Then I branched out and bet on the Reds against the Phillies which turned out smart. I think the Heat tonight with the points is wise so that tips off in a half hour. Sorry Sam.
On Saturday night at Time I somehow initiated a dance circle and was getting peer pressured into making moves. I have near 0 dance moves so I busted out a 360 spin except it was only about a 150 and then I started MC hammer dancing. There’s comfort in being uncomfortable.
The tinder conversation was also pretty funny. Straight to it.

By Tom Stortz|2014-06-08T20:42:42-04:00June 8th, 2014|My Life|1 Comment