About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Phones Should be Banned From Restaurants

I liked this experiment a lot. I can’t stand the phone while people are eating and this is a strong argument against it. 26 out of 45 customers take picture of their food?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me! Group photos?!?! What the fuck is going on here. The phone has a place in our society and it is outside restaurants.

restaurantmeme

By |2016-10-29T12:57:13-04:00July 23rd, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

Dan Bilzerian on Howard Stern

dan-bilzerian-with-girlDan Bilzerian has over 3.4 million followers on Instagram. He posts pictures of himself with models wearing practically nothing and shooting big guns. The dude is ripped from head to toe and leads a life style that most of us only dream of. He did an interview with Howard Stern for over and hour which gives further insight into his life.

The first thing to understand is that he’s worth about 100 million dollars. He claims most of it was from playing poker and described that he’s not the best but plays in the best games. Meaning that he doesn’t play against pros, but wealthy business men. Howard was out of his element discussing the poker area of Dan’s life. He had some amusing anecdote about Tobey McGuire being a tightwad at the table and making a fuss over 15k. This part of the interview was pretty ho hum.

Dan’s dad was a savvy businessman in the 80’s involved in takeovers and is worth something like $400 million. Without his dad’s background, it’s hard to imagine Dan Bilzarian would have the start needed to be who he is now. He claimed he started playing poker with $100 dollar buy ins so he’s “self made”, but the money was already there.  This was after his Navy Seal days which explains his fascination with guns and hardo mentality.

bilzerianHe’s a dude who can do whatever he wants. He’s chiseled like a statue, does mad drugs (had a heart attack at 25 from taking too much coke, weed, MDMA, and viagra), bangs mad bitches, and has created his own celebrity status through Instagram photos.

Dan BilzerianWhen the interview finished I was pretty indifferent on Dan Bilzerian. I didn’t love him or hate him. He was a normal dude who made a lot of money and now does whatever he wants. His one piece of advice was to set up the situation so you can’t lose. If you are going to a party, set one up that has 300 girls and 50 guys and the results will tip themselves in your favor. This is much easier said when you are sitting on 100 million dollars but it’s a thoughtful viewpoint to win at life.  He was also a fan of not selling out and always being yourself which is commonplace advice.  Interesting guy though because he does whatever he wants.

Hover Hand Here

By |2016-10-28T15:25:33-04:00July 23rd, 2014|Celeb|1 Comment

Highest Paid Actors

downey-jr-where-should-the-iron-man-franchise-goThe brief article I read said that Robert Downey didn’t even make a movie in the time period June 13′ to 14′ and was still the highest paid actor.  All the income was residual through Iron Man 3 which was apparently a big movie.  The interesting thing to note among the other actors is how close the totals are to each other.  When studios are negotiating for an actor, there is a tight range that seems to apply to most.  Unless you are wise like Downey Jr and get paid on the back end for how well your movie does, you’ll only make 30-50 million.  I use only because this is peanuts to the studio.

 

Actors Income from Movies

Robert Downey — $75 million
Dwayne Johnson — $52 million
Bradley Cooper — $46 million
Leonardo DiCaprio — $39 million
Chris Hemsworth — $37 million
Liam Neeson — $36 million
Ben Affleck — $35 million
Christian Bale — $35 million
Will Smith — $32 million
Mark Wahlberg — $32 million

 

I can’t remember the last time I went to the theater.  I think it was to see Superbad 7 years ago.  The theater doesn’t do it for me.  I’ve completely swapped to preferring TV series from a movie.  The best movies of 2013 were Iron Man, Hunger Games, and Frozen.  Negative interest from me.  Compare that to GoT, True Detective, and Breaking Bad.  Stop the Fight!.

I don’t have a problem with these actors but I can give a simple overview of how I see them in relation to their pay.

Downey – Fine actor.  Hard not to like.  Smart contract.

The Rock as Hercules

The Rock as Hercules

The Rock – Likeable, decent actor but needs a certain role to play it well.  Definite box office draw and worth the cash.

Bradley Cooper – Overpaid.  Liked him in Wedding Crashers when he wasn’t the star.  Hangover / Silver Linings didn’t do it for me.

Leo – Earns his cash from all the years of hard work.

thor

Thor

Chris Hemsworth – Never seen his work  (Thor and Star Trek).  Also had no idea it was his brother in Hunger Games which I also didn’t see.

Liam Neeson – Get back to doing real movies like Schindler’s list and being Qui Gon Jin and not this Taken bullshit.  Every movie now is someone getting captured or killed and him being a bad ass.

Affleck – I enjoyed Argo and genuinely like Ben Affleck.  The whole gambling / card counting only added to his likability.  I think we’d be friends in real life.

bale in machinist

Bale in Machinist

Christian Bale – Phenomenal actor and worth every penny paid.  Goes to lengths unheard of.  Have you see the Machinist?

Will Smith – Does he age?  Does he still do relevant movies?  Haven’t seen anything he’s been in since I Am Legend (which sucked).

Mark Wahlberg – So 2008.  I don’t really know why people are so in love with him.

By |2014-07-22T14:02:22-04:00July 22nd, 2014|Celeb|1 Comment

Athletes Outkicking Their Coverage

Outkicking Your Coverage – To engage in a romantic relationship with a person who is much better looking, and/or smarter, and/or in a higher socioeconomic class than you. Essentially, a person who is widely considered to be ‘out of your league.’

Bob: Your new girlfriend is smokin’ hot… A legitimate ‘8’… How do you continue to keep outkicking your coverage.

Other guy: I have an extremely large penis!

 

What a Few dollars Can Do

Irina Shayk, Ronaldo's GF

Irina Shayk, Ronaldo’s GF

A guy like Ronaldo can’t outkick his coverage. He’s great looking, is the best at his sport, and has millions of dollars. However, not every athlete is incredibly good looking and this list of people will give some examples.  It should also be noted that it’s much easier for millionaires to outkick their coverage compared to normal people.  This post has me judging other men and their looks so you be the judge of how accurate I am.

 

Andy Murray and Kim Sears

Andy Murray and Kim Sears

Andy Murray & Kim Sears –
Grade:  B-

Andy Murray is a pretty normal looking Brit tennis player.  He’s a national treasure for winning Wimbledon last year which hadn’t happened in 77 years.  Kim Sears is an artist and a long time girlfriend of Murray.  Seems like a pretty normal, good looking woman.  He could probably be dating Lucy Pinder but he chose for someone he likes more than an elite super model status.  Full approval.

 

Ryan Howard and Krystle Campbell

Ryan Howard and Krystle Campbell

Ryan Howard and Krystle Campbell

Grade:  B+

The two were married in 2012.  Krystle Campbell has been an Eagles cheerleader for 6 years and teaches 2nd grade.  I’d give her high marks in the looks department.  Howard has made a ton of money with the Phillies and is usually in the same sentence with the word overrated.  His flat schnoz is probably the only reason I’d put him on this list.

 

Jason Kidd and Porschla Coleman

Jason Kidd and Porschla Coleman

Jason Kidd and Porschla Coleman

Grade: A

Jason Kidd pulled a fast one here.  In 2001 he beat his wife Joumana (great name) and they divorced in 2007.  He married Coleman in 2011.  I can’t see where he comes up as a great looking dude and she looks damn fine.  Coming from a previous marriage that cites, “extreme cruelty”, he either 180’d or has some nice dirt on her.

 

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler and Kristen Cavallari

Grade: A

Kristen was on the Hills as a teenage spank bank and Jay Cutler gets the nod as douchiest player in the NFL.  I personally don’t mind him because he’s a stoolie and has been on the League but he must be playing some serious mind games with Kristin.  The incident in 2011 when he called the wedding off and “dumped” her is pretty hilarious.  Obviously it wasn’t a deal breaker as they got married in 2013.

Lebron and Savannah James

Lebron and Savannah James

 

Savannah James and Lebron James

Grade: A+

Savannah struck gold here.  She caught the most popular athlete this year early and dug her claws in.  They married in 2013 but they were engaged in 2011.  Their two sons are names LeBron James, Jr. and Bryce Maximus.  She is constantly out of the public eye and I honestly have never even seen her before I did some research for this post.  She’s not bad looking by any means but it’s Lebron Freaking James.  She gets the A+ here.

 

Pau Gasol and Silvia Lopez

Pau Gasol and Silvia Lopez

Pau Gasol and Silvia Lopez

Grade: A+

It’s Pau Gasol.  Look at that picture.  He’s a 7 ft monster and he landed a 5 ft model.  My guess is it would be hard to find a hot honey when you are a giant and not even a good looking giant.  I see him with a volleyball player.  Dollar, dollar, bills y’all.

By |2014-07-21T22:40:13-04:00July 21st, 2014|Celeb|0 Comments

PPA Strikes Again

After reading Gourlay’s post, I felt obligated to post this as misery loves company. There was about a 50% doubt in my mind that the spot I parked in wasn’t a spot. It was at 9:30 at night when I parked but you can tell the PPA strikes early as the army was roaming the streets at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. You should notice my nice Glacier background on my checks. I saw a car parked in the same exact spot the next day and was going to move my ticket onto his windshield and hope he didn’t notice it was his car. My conscience kicked in.

PPA

By |2014-07-21T12:47:36-04:00July 21st, 2014|My Life|1 Comment

Checking In

Not much doing. Summer is flying by. I’ll have a new post when I get a chance this evening to write.

ImKtWrA

By |2016-11-03T15:07:48-04:00July 21st, 2014|Videos|0 Comments

Who Wants to Smoke a Dubuisson?

dubbison

My man is sitting 5 back from that little choke artist Rory McIlroy. No Frenchman has won the “British Open” in what I think I read ever. This 100-1 longshot is in about as good as shape as I could ask for. Oh yeah, and yesterday I chipped in from 100 for my first eagle ever aside from that hole in one I got. Things are looking up and Sunday should have some action lined up.

By |2016-10-29T13:01:31-04:00July 19th, 2014|Fantasy|0 Comments

Minor Grievances to Piss You off Just Enough to Write a Blog Post about it

It’s easy to take a minor grievance and turn it into something bigger than it is. Here are a few examples from my life that tick me off.

grouptextsGroup Texts – Group texts have their place. When a large group of people are meeting at a certain spot at a certain time, group texting makes the most sense. A group text should be a succinct, brief communication method that has a focal point. When I start to get annoyed is when there are 10 people on a group text, organizing an event that’s going to happen 2 months from now, and lasts 50 messages where my opinion is worthless. This translates to mass emails as well. Pertinent information I’m fine with. Ask yourself, is Tom going to delete this email? If the answer is yes, don’t send it.


Losing in Basketball
– I’ve been running hoop now for the past few weeks to stay in shape. It has actually replaced running for the most part for me. When I have to drive 15 minutes to the courts, find parking in a crowded ass place, and then finally get in a game, I can’t stand losing. Today we lost, some random kid in jeans called next, we waited a game, and then Adam missed out getting on our team because some scrub was too stubborn to sit. Bad situation. This goes hand in hand with a little kid playing with my ball, taking it over to another court, having grown men take the ball from the kid, and then me having to tell them it’s my ball with no marking whatsoever to indicate it. I did learn though from a youngin’ that our 4 white person basketball shoes don’t even combine to be worth the KD’s.


Forgetting+anything_62e53b_3782960Forgetting TV When I Watch it Drunk
– Last night I drank 5 12 oz Rolling Rocks and 3 16oz Lagers in a span of 5 hours. This isn’t a huge intake for me but it’s enough to get me buzzed. I got back at about 10pm last night and wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep so I put on an episode of Fargo. Alex told me he liked Fargo and I’ve been watching it. His reason for liking it was Billy Bob is great. A second time I saw him he told me about Fargo and said, “Billy Bob is great.” I was thinking to myself, “dude I get it, he’s a good actor, I’ll give it a shot.” After watching the first 7 episodes, Billy Bob is great. Anyway, I watched 26 minutes last night and sit here writing this post with 0 idea of what I actually watched. I have to go back and rewind it and essentially watch it again. Doing anything that you want to remember when you are drunk is pointless.


d4cda5087387fafc846d11a95214baf7b2ad6da3dddf2756372c2477c9fb0a75Me Telling Sam His Post Sucked
– Was this a nice thing to write? No. Would I be annoyed if I was him. Probably. I just like making it known that I know I’m being a dick when I do things like that and hope he doesn’t take it to heart.  No one likes being told what they write sucks even if it does.  I don’t do it to get my own personal satisfaction either.  I read the post and honestly didn’t take much out of it so I told him it sucked.  It was mean spirited.  I can do better.

missing_ff10a2_1116477Missing the Trash Can – Trash cans have some force field around them when you try to throw trash in them. Everything I throw from more than a foot away hits the rim and bounces under the most annoying spot to pick it up from.  I’m not a huge proponent (no clue if I used that word right) of the chart on the right because if I miss, I don’t waste my time shooting it again.

By |2014-07-18T10:23:53-04:00July 17th, 2014|My Brain, My Life|2 Comments

Gifs to Make You Laugh

Hurting for original content today. I’ve taken some of the best comments and included them above the gif. Laugh away.

“The text on this one always annoys me because they are stackable, but it’s a fucking otter and he has them in the wrong order because, you know, he’s an otter.”
“You sound like a lot of fun.”

Otter Stacking

“The best part is that he had two buckets on.”
“Well no shit and it was the best part.”
Double Bucketman

I can imagine them talking. The cat with a little baby cat voice and the dog with one of those deep dog voices from one of those old animated movies with talking dogs in it
Cat Attack

Trampoline Bang

Runaway Bike

I'm Hooman

By |2016-11-03T15:07:48-04:00July 17th, 2014|Videos|2 Comments

Childhood Summer Days

While sitting in my cube for the 27th straight work day, I thought back to my carefree childhood summer days and how I spent my time. For the record I don’t work in a cube and this my 3rd straight work day but I probably haven’t taken a day off since that Center City Sips Wednesday where I got too wasted and couldn’t make it in which was June 12th. Back on topic, when you are that young you don’t realize how good you have it and how you’ll never have it again unless you become a multi-millionaire and you know the answer to that, you can’t. Here is how I spent my days:

Panorama of Maple ManorMaple Manor Swim Club – I think the pool used to open at 10am and we’d get there early and spend the days playing tether ball, eating frozen Snickers, passing the band test to use the diving tank, and other normal outdoor activities. This was the hub of all childhood activity. We could ride our bikes there and it was open the entire day which led to many visits.

sherri4WWF – This is easily one of my weirder memories but I remember leaving the pool early on days to watch the WWF. These were the glory days with Hulk, the Ultimate Warrior, Macho Man, Jake the Snake, and Rick Rude. Jeff used to love the Big Boss Man. In one of my oddest childhood crushes, I liked Sherri Martell who use to go around with Ted DiBiase and the Macho Man.

Pinky and the BrainCartoons – I used to love Cartoons. Looney Tunes when I was young was my favorite but for this specific time period I remember Animaniacs and Tiny Toons which I loved, Talespin and Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers which I thought were average, and Doug and Hey Arnold on Nick which weren’t on at that time but still classics.

I could add the normal things like Nintendo, bike riding, manhunt, and other normal thing people do but I don’t have much to add.

By |2014-07-16T08:55:07-04:00July 16th, 2014|Childhood|2 Comments

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