We Don't Walk Slow

12 Jan, 2013

Trending Fads

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-12T12:34:46-05:00January 12th, 2013|My Life|4 Comments

I think this is a good title because when something trends, it can become a fad. So by adding the ing to the trend, it’s turning into a fad. I’m still not sure if it’s appropriate. What is a fad? Websters says “a practice or interest followed for a time with exaggerated zeal”. I thought of this topic and came across what I thought was a good idea to go back in time and evaluate different fads I was a part of.

Friendship bracelets

When I was a young lad, I used to wear there friendship bracelets up my arm. There was no possibility that I had as many friends as I had bracelets. For whatever reason at the time in the early 90’s, these were on my popular list. I have to imagine that it became who ever had more bracelets, was cooler. Being dedicated to how many bracelets you had on your arm was the fad at the time. You would wear them everywhere, even in the shower. Combine this with the Hersey Hawkins lines that I shaved into my head (he had 3, I had 2), I was one really cool kid.

Snap Bracelets

Funny how I was really into bracelets. These were a different animal than the friendship bracelet and probably peaked a few years after. The bracelet was firm and when you’d slap it against your wrist, it would become a bracelet. They didn’t last long though because the schools starting banning them because kids were using them improperly. I actually remember wearing one recently for the American Odyssey Relay to show who the runner was.

Magic Cards

Like I’ve never jerked off to a Serra Angel? Not. Who can forget the popularity of magic cards in high school. The reason this got so popular is because it was actually a really fun, skillful game. I still remember my Green/White deck and how I needed a Savannah as a mana card and never wanted to spend the 20 bucks for a land. Who could beat the red/black Shivan Dragon/Royal Assassin combo? What about the mystery behind the black lotus and it’s value? Has anyone actually seen a black lotus in person? I remember some lunchtime argument when Aaron Tabas opened up a pack of Arabian knights, saw that there was no rare cards, sealed it back up and then sold it to Jared Trust for full price. Who doesn’t love a game that the more money you spend, the better you get at it.

The circle game

I’m sure people still play this game so I’m not sure if it’s a fad or just a game that will never die. I specifically remember playing it throughout school and considering the maturity level of this game, it probably fades as maturity rises. I can’t describe the game better than urban dictionary:
A game of peripheral vision, trickery and motor skills.

The game starts out when the Offensive Player creates a circle with their thumb and forefinger, not unlike an “A-Okay” signal, somewhere below his waist.

His goal is to trick another person into looking at his hand. If the Victim looks at the hand, he has lost the game, and is subsequently hit on the bicep with a closed fist, by the offensive player.

Rules:
1. The Offensive Player’s hand must be below his waist.

2. The Victim should attempt to see the circle without looking down. In other words, by peripheral vision, the Victim realizes there is a circle-hand event occurring. The Victim has two possible methods to win the game:

a. The Victim does not look down at the signal. Instead, the Victim stares the Offensive Player in the eye and says, “I’m not going to look at that.” (or words to that effect.)

b. The Victim does not look down at the signal. Instead, the Victim quickly pokes his index finger through the Offensive Player’s circle-hand display. If he can poke inside and break the circle, HE wins, and gets to hit the Offensive player in the bicep. This action requires excellent motor skills (to poke the circle without actually looking directly at it.)

3. If the Victim looks at the circle, he loses (and is hit.)

4. If the Victim attempts to poke the circle and misses, he loses (and is hit.)

5. If the Victim attempts to poke the circle and Offensive player closes the circle, trapp…

10 Jan, 2013

RG-3 Year Career

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-10T21:55:27-05:00January 10th, 2013|Sports|3 Comments

I had a few ideas of how to make a point about what makes a good quarterback and RG3’s injury just fell into my lap. There is no question that RG3 is a good quarterback, but he will never be a great quarterback. His first year in the NFL just finished and he is already getting surgery on his knee. His style is one of mobility and having the defense defend that part of his game. It is what separates him from the good but will keep him away from ever reaching the elite. Not to mention that fact that his career is going to end before it even starts. Mobile QB’s take more hits and endure more punishment throughout a season. I’m going to point out some obvious stats of what separates good Quarterbacks in the league.

The first thing elite Quarterbacks don’t do is fumble. One of the biggest turning points in football games are turnovers. When you are in your own zone and fumble the ball, you not only give your opponent field position, but they get a huge amount of the indescribable element of momentum. The best quarterbacks don’t fumble the ball because they avoid getting hit. After sorting this category of fumbles and fumbles lost amongst QB’s, I wasn’t surprised with the results. For QB’s who played 16 games, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady were 1 & 2, both fumbling only twice throughout the season. Matt Ryan, Andy Dalton, and Matt Schaub were the next 3 (all playoff QBs). Now let’s look at who fumbles the most and how their teams fared and my impressions of them as a QB. Rivers, Sanchez, and RG3 topped the list (to RG3’s credit, he only lost 2). Vick, Freeman, Luck, Cam and Kapernick followed. It’s not surprising that these are all mobile quarterbacks who like to run when given the chance. This simple stat should not be overlooked but certainly isn’t the end as all these QB’s, aside from Sanchez & Rivers, have unlimited potential.

Getting hit becomes another crucial component of judging quarterbacks. Who were the least sacked QB’s in the league this year, yapp, Eli and Peyton. I was shocked to see Aaron Rodgers topping the list but I guess that game against Seattle where he had like 9 first half sackesdidn’t help. Andy Dalton is up there too which surprises me because I’d guess he’d be fumbling more often since he’s taking this many sacks. I believe that another key to being a good quarterback is not getting hurt. You can’t help your team if you don’t play. I’m certainly not suggesting being a pussy but I do think that the future is an important aspect of a quarterback. Good quarterbacks avoid getting hit.

My next thought about what separates the Quarterback position is mobility. Who led the league in rush yards a game this year from the Quarterback position? Griffin, Cam, Vick, Kapernick, and Wilson. 3 playoff teams QB’s are mobile but at what expense? This is a handy ability to have but is it powerful enough to lead to a championship? Football is won through the air. Who led the league this year in pass yards a game? Brees, Stafford, Romo, Brady, Ryan, Manning, Luck, Rodgers. The first guy is a Super Bowl Champion, the next two are statistical entries, and then the cream of the crop. Am I off base here?

Time to look at who has won the Superbowl and what type of QB wins. Here is the list of the last ten years and who the QB was:
2012: Giants – Eli Manning
2011: Packers – Aaron Rodgers
2010: Saints – Drew Brees
2009: Steelers – Ben Roethlisberger
2008: Giants – Eli Manning
2007: Colts – Peyton Manning
2006: Steelers – Ben Roethlisberger
2005: Patriots – Tom Brady
2004: Patriots – Tom Brady
2003: Buccaneers – Brad Johnson
2002: Patriots – Tom Brady

Is ten years of history enough to make the claim that your team needs a pocket passing, white Quarterback to win the Superbowl? I’m going to argue no. Reason being is because I think that football is a team game. I think being balanced on both sides of the ball is way more important than what type of quarterback plays for your team. HOWEVER, there is a certain trait that all the above mentioned quarterbacks have and that’s leadership. I don’t care how you play the game as long as you have everyone on your team believing that your the guy to make it happen. It’s experience and this new styled QB has not been proven that it wins championships. I think if the right person comes along though, that can certainly change. I particularly like the Seahawks this year and Russel Wilson’s attitude towards the game. This blog will document that with 8 teams left, I like the Seahawks to win the SuperBowl and for Russell Wilson to break the white, pocket passing QB trend.

10 Jan, 2013

Weakness

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-10T20:51:09-05:00January 10th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

It’s funny because a few days ago while I was driving I was going to make a post that explained why some of my abilities were superior to most other people. It stemmed from the fact that on my 5 hour trip from Pittsburgh I was literally passed by one other human being. Meaning only one person in our human race that day on our PA turnpike, out of what must have been hundreds, is able to press the limits of our law and speed down the highway. In my own mind for whatever reason I justified that this must set me apart…with the disregard of the law. Coming from a court date this past Wednesday for a public drunkenness where I hired a lawyer and had a judge sentence me to 25 hours of community service as a way to wipe it clean, I decided that maybe a post dedicated to some of my faults may be better suited. To the list.

Lack of History – I’m terrible with history of all sorts. My brain doesn’t handle dates very well and my knowledge of US history is frightening. If I was trying to name the Presidents in order, I’d fail after 3 (Washington, Adams, Jefferson…). I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older but I think my brain just doesn’t prioritize historic information as important. We live in the present and I feel like that’s what I should be focused on.

Drunk Memory – This weakness can make you feel like a schmuck. Being hammered but being able to function enough to communicate is dangerous. The state of black out drunkenness or even really drunk leads to not being able to remember information. So if you have conversations with people about specific details when you are too drunk to remember, and then you see that person again, you’ll look like a total ass and repeat info. This makes it so you are constantly guessing what to talk about as not to repeat yourself.

Too quick to judge – My standard thought about someone is that they have to prove to me that they aren’t retarded. I feel everyone has their own skill set but most people are just underachievers. I have a good example and why I picked this trait. I was going back to my apt and in the elevator were these two bros who got off at the same floor and kept walking closer and closer to my door. After realizing these two were my neighbors I asked if they liked Ping Pong, they did, and if they wanted to play. We started playing and it quickly became evident that these two were pretty decent players. In the 4 games of doubles we played, we won the 1st (with better paddles) and lost the next 3. If I had to guess how many rando’s could beat Jeff in I in Ping-Pong, I’d probably say 1%. The fact that two people who happen to live down the hall beat us just shows how I under-estimate the abilities of the human race.

No filter – I’m not sure this is a weakness but I tend to jump to conclusions rather quickly and then speak my mind. Once I consider the variables, I talk. This may lead to a hasty thought process but it will also lead to action. My dad would say this is major negative to my personalty. I believe his thought process is what I call analysis paralysis. It’s analyzing something to death and than not making a move. I find this to be way worse. Even though I may say stupid things or make incorrect decisions, it still an active approach. This however can get you into trouble.

I’m sure people who know me could point out more. I purposely left out drinking and gambling which seem obvious at this point.

8 Jan, 2013

Philly Athletes Who’ve Gone Broke

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-08T20:45:44-05:00January 8th, 2013|Sports|0 Comments

Hailing from Philadelphia, I have an odd sense of like/dislike for our sports teams. For starters, Philly teams don’t win championships. The Eagles have only been to Superbowl once. The Sixers as the Nationals won in 1955, then back to the Sixers in 1967, and again in 1983 with Dr J and Moses. The Flyers held the Stanley Cup in 1974, 75 but nothing since. Finally the Phillies won the world series in 1980 and 2008 which I recall had an odd rain delay that caused game 3 to be postponed and the sense of an unofficial victory. That leads for a total of 1 championship since I was born. That’s not a whole lot to get excited for and may add to my lack of being a homer. If there is any team though that I’d want to win, it’s almost always a Philadelphia team but that has to factor in my indifference to the outcome of sporting events in general. Putting this brief history of ineptitude aside, Philadelphia athletes also seem to be better at losing their money than other cities. Let’s look at some of our finer specimens.

Allen Iverson

First on my list is Allen Iverson and rightfully so. He brought life into Philly ball that was honestly terrible for years following Barkley’s departure. AI was this city’s savior and he brought that intensity beginning his rookie season. The 2000 championship run was my fondest enjoyment of any Sixers basketball ever. Stepping over Tyrone Lue is the most memorable with AI crossing Jordan as a close second. Amazingly, with all his talent and earning ability, he has found himself without any money. AI earned over 154 million dollars throughout his career and that doesn’t include endorsements which have to be close to 50 million. I would go on to say that with all of AI’s retirements and returns, overseas basketball, and soccer auditions, that this is one of the saddest athlete stories. He succumbed to some costly issues such as gambling, divorce with goddamn kids, and having an entourage 50 deep. These guys just don’t understand that the money stops coming in when you stop playing. “In a Philadelphia Inquirer column published March 7, 2010, Stephen A. Smith wrote that according to “numerous NBA sources”, Iverson would “either drink himself into oblivion or gamble his life away”, and that Iverson had already been banned from casinos in Detroit and Atlantic City. Smith also wrote that Tawanna, his wife of eight years, had separated from him and filed for divorce, seeking custody of their five children, as well as child support and alimony payments.” I wonder if AI has the answer?

Lenny Dykstra

I remember Lenny being my favorite Phillie during their World Series run in 1993 (he was also runner up for MVP to Barry Bonds that year). He batted lead off, played centerfield, had a cheek full of tobacco and was tough as nails. He was also a bad boy after these numerous incidents. In 1991, while driving drunk (.179 BAC), he crashed his car into a tree on Darby-Paoli Road in Radnor Township after attending John Kruk’s party. Oh yeah, Darren Daulton was also in the car and they both sustained broken bones. In 1999, he was arrested for sexual harassment of a 17-year-old woman who worked at his car wash, but the criminal charges were later dropped. In December 2010, Dykstra was accused of hiring a female escort, then writing the escort a bad $1,000 check. Adult film star and escort Monica Foster claimed that he purchased her escort service on December 13, 2010 then wrote her a check that bounced. Monica Foster later posted a copy of the bounced check on her blog. These acts don’t even touch the financial issues he had which I just don’t have the space or will to write about in this short area. Let’s just say the guy didn’t manage his money well and was a complete shyster and after filing for bankruptcy, has landed himself behind bars.

Michael Vick

It’s hard for me to really call Vick an Eagle but he technically has played for us and is one of the most high profile finance-tards. I don’t need to go into the dog fighting because that’s been covered to death. Some of Vick’s more interesting bonehead stories. In March 2005, Sonya Elliott filed a civil lawsuit against Vick alleging she contracted genital herpes from him in the autumn of 2002 and that he failed to inform her that he had the disease. Elliot further alleged that Vick had visited clinics under the alias “Ron Mexico” to get treatments and thus knew of his condition. The “weed water bottle” also seems to have gone mum. Vick surrendered a water bottle that had a hidden compartment to security personnel at Miami International Airport on January 17, 2007 but nothing was found illegal. Vick announced that the water bottle was a jewelry stash box, and that the substance in question had been jewelry. HUH? Financially, Vick signed a 6 year, 100 million dollar contract with the Eagles recently so he won’t be broke forever but his financial troubles stemmed from the dog-fighting and his inability to collect on his contract. I have a feeling though that Vick will have wised up and will have some better financial planning moving forward. Over under 5 years til bankruptcy?

7 Jan, 2013

And the beat goes on…

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-07T19:40:16-05:00January 7th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Stop thinking about stuff and start doing stuff. I think we can all benefit from this advice.

I only sort of finished what happened in Pittsburgh this past weekend. I left on a Friday at 2:30 from the heart of Philly. I did this drive in a shade under 5 hours stopping at a few rest stops along the way strictly for peeing purposes. I was never in any danger of speeding and probably averaged 70-75 mph. I arrived at generously priced Holiday Inn for $105 dollars a night at around 8pm. The slight delay was because I had to buy a wedding card from CVS that I put a hundred bucks (too little?) in to avoid having to choose a personalized gift. I showered and then proceeded down to the Holiday Inn bar for a few drinks and something to eat. After a few drinks I initiated a conversation with some man from Syracuse whose brother was in a Pitt hospital preparing for some sort of specialized surgery. The reason I mention this isn’t to prove how good I am at picking up guys at bars, but to explain the enormous difference between drinking and not. When I first got to the restaurant, I was like a mute sitting at the bar eating my food. After 3 beers I casually started a conversation that displayed my surprisingly high ability to carry conversations with strangers. This will come into further dissection as the entry progresses.

My friends arrived from the rehearsal dinner soon after and we had a few drinks and reminisced about old times. It’s funny how after not seeing people for months or years, how easily it was to enjoy each others company. Since the wedding was the next day, everyone was staying pretty lucid. Me, Steve, and Arpita decided to see some of the old college bars we were familiar with years ago. College wasn’t in session and everything was pretty tame and we called it a night relatively early. I awoke the next day at 9:30 and had an overpriced Holiday Inn buffet breakfast with Steve and Arpita. After that I went for a run around the campus and then swam a few laps in the Holiday Inn pool. I’m like a fish out of water in the pool but some aquatic exercise was still fun. At 1pm I met up with a friend who was coming in for the wedding for a few drinks. We had some good conversation for a few hours and headed back to the hotel to get changed for the ceremony.

The 45 minutes ceremony was short and sweet and we all headed over the reception which was conveniently located a 5 minute walk away. The reception was pretty standard and everything went off without a hitch. Gerald made sure to call out my tie which correctly tied improperly. I know a basic method for tying a tie but in no way is it correct and Gerald after 5 straight vodkas made certain to make me aware that I was a putz. I respect him more for doing this rather than thinking he’s a dick. The reception ended and we all headed back to the Holiday Inn bar. This is where things start to get a bit interesting. I had two conversations with people who I can only say is not in my normal repertoire.

Interesting conversation #1 was with the pastor who married my friend and his bride. The previous night of the wedding, the pastor was slugging down beers at the Holiday Inn bar which I found a tad unusual. My stereotypical thought is that the pastor is a holy man and lives by a strict code of moral conduct. I have a serious problem if my pastor was downing beers at the bar and then the next afternoon is granted the power to marry someone. It seems to deflate the bond that is marriage. Anyway, after a few beers earlier and the rum and cokes at the reception, I was going to get to the bottom of this issue so I went straight up to him and told him my problem with the situation. He just sort of beat around the bush and said that there was nothing wrong with this and my point is invalid. It wouldn’t have mattered what he said because I’m still not altering my stance from what I wrote above.

Interesting conversation #2 was from a girl at the bar, drinking water, who I can’t remember exactly how the conversation started but proved to be the most touching. After the initial introduction I found out that she had leukemia and was in the process of chemo. Now I’m sure your shaking your head wondering what asinine comment I was going to make to her but you’d be wrong. We had a really heartfelt conversation and I think she appreciated the attention from the opposite sex considering she had begun losing her hair (I could hardly tell) from the treatment. This conversation almost brought a tear to my eye after I was asking how she felt and all the other questions that come from not knowing many people who have this disease. I walked away from it feeling incredibly fortunate for how lucky I am and how difficult other people have life.

After this we went down to the bars but at this point I had had enough to drink and needed to call it a night. It was probably only 11 or so but 10 straight hours of drinking is about my limit. I wisely went back and fell asleep til the next morning. I drove back at 10:30 or so and made it back in even faster time hitting speeds of 100+ at multiple stretches of the turnpike. In the 48 hours of the road trip I spent 10 on the road, 18 sleeping and 20 waking hours. The hours that I was awake though were spent with old friends who I rarely get to see so it was worth its weight in gold. Stop thinking about stuff and start doing stuff.

6 Jan, 2013

Into the Woods

By Tom Stortz|2013-01-06T17:01:59-05:00January 6th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

This is going to be, at least what I’m hopeful for, a very good blog entry. I’ve spent a decent amount of time thinking about how I’m going to shape this post and I know the material comes from the heart. This past weekend I drove to Pittsburgh for the wedding of Derek and Laura. I spent 4 years of my life at Pitt and rarely return because bad things tend to happen to me when I do. I’ll add that nothing of any consequence happened to me on this trip so you can all exhale. I have very unique feelings about Pittsburgh that no other place in my life holds. They are actually very difficult to describe using words but I’m going to give it my best shot.

The first thing that comes to my mind is a sense of uneasiness and loneliness. I remember standing on the steps of the Towers Freshmen year as my parents drove away putting me completely alone for the first time of my life. How it took time to make friends and to find my place in a new place. I think I did all of that successfully in the years I spent there and made some truly fantastic friends. The hard to describe feeling is that Pittsburgh will never be my home. It will always just be a place that I lived. That I always have to leave it behind me.

So this wedding brought me back to the Burgh for the first time in many years and I got to see friends who we used to spend every day with together. For 4 years these people were a part of my life and then one day when school ends, the relationship generally stops. So meeting up again brings back these memories of the way things were and will never be again. How we’ll never be 18 again. How life keeps going whether you are ready for it to go or not. Plus add a marriage to this mix and that brings thoughts of what I’m doing with my life and how I want to spend my future.

I know the sound of this post feels depressing but I had a really great time attending this wedding and I’m glad I did. It’s just an odd feeling as I sit here right now. Pittsburgh brings back a sadness in me. It’s like I don’t want to leave but I know I have to. And with that feeling comes leaving friends behind and I think that’s what hurts the most. The city brings back my past. I went for a run while I was there and stopped by all the old shithole places I used to live. I believe it’s a feeling of nostalgia. Something that was.

I want to close this by giving a huge congratulations to my man BG and his beautiful bride Laura. The wedding was first class all the way and I appreciate the invite greatly. The best to both of you.

3 Jan, 2013

Still no more blogging

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:02:33-04:00January 3rd, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Multiple reasons are causing this blog to slump. For one, I haven’t been feeling so hot as of late. I had a good time at Union Transfer for NYE and made it out in one piece feeling tip top. I got home and had a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling fine. New Years Day is where things started to take a turn. I headed to Steve’s for some drinking at noon or so and we headed out to the Mummer’s Parade. We carried on the 2nd year tradition of signing the board at the Kimmel Center and headed to Time for a few drinks. We then left time for a house party in South Philly and everything was still fine. Only little issue was I didn’t have anything to eat aside for a breakfast sandwich in the morning. So come the end of the night I had been out all day and hadn’t taken care of my body. Let’s just say after that it’s been a recovery to get to where I am right now.

I did meet a few girls from my high school who identified me with blogging which I found pretty obscure. I know I post the link on Facebook every so often but I didn’t know people actually read it. That was a minor surprise and for some reason I don’t feel it’s “cool” to be known as a blogger. I guess if you do something for 4 years eventually someone will hear about it. I do find my social skills pretty adept though when I’m hanging out on days like these. I hold good conversations (in my own mind) and they feel somewhat relevant. Now if the other person knows that I hardly remember anything after the 6th hour of drinking they’ll be disappointed. This happened when some girl was like “I remember we had such a good conversation the last time we saw each other.” I just sort of nod and pretend. There is this constant balancing act of getting a decent buzz but not letting it impact your life negatively. Sadly to say, “I still can’t master this.”

I’m heading to Pittsburgh for a college roommate’s wedding so it’ll be a lot of driving for a short period of time but I’m going to make the most of it. I rarely get up there and this is a good opportunity to do so. So there will be hiatus until this weekend ends but I hope to take some pictures and come back with a story or two. My success in Pittsburgh has been poor to say the least.

31 Dec, 2012

Play him off, keyboard cat

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:02:42-04:00December 31st, 2012|Videos|0 Comments

I’m not sure what’s funnier, how retarded he was with the mic or the humpty dumpty dance.

31 Dec, 2012

2012 Ends

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:33:30-04:00December 31st, 2012|My Life|0 Comments

It seems fitting to finish off 2012 with a post. Considering I haven’t created anything in 4 days I’m sure people are wondering what is going on. My simple answer to that is nothing. Life has been pretty simple due to work slowing down and people checking out till the New Year. I’ve been going into work for an hour or two and making sure everything is tight but other than that I’ve just been trying to enjoy the time off. I think I’ve moved past summarizing my actions and will focus more on creative entries. This may mean I might not be posting as much but I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. I could write a 1,000 word post on exactly what I did and what happened over the past few days but it just seems boring. So that being said, I’ll probably sit down tomorrow and write a list of resolutions because that seems like the obvious thing to do. Or maybe I’ll write some non-resolutions because that would make for a better entry. Either way this will be the final post of 2012.

27 Dec, 2012

HopGood

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:02:57-04:00December 27th, 2012|Sports|0 Comments

Lucky for him, his name suits him.