We Don't Walk Slow

Jonah Hill is a Dick

I know this is all over the internet but for people who don’t read Rolling Stone, I will bring it to your attention. Now what you are going to read is exactly how it was printed in RS and unless Jonah is putting on a act, he comes off in a terrible light. Now there is no doubt in my mind that Jonah Hill is an unbelievably intelligent person and he must realize what he’s doing here. What exactly that is I’m not sure but you can decide for yourself.

Excerpts from the interview, Hill’s words are bold:

“He is serious, he is, which I’m not, and neither are (James) Franco or Danny (McBride),” Rogen had told us. We asked Rogen if he had any tips on a suitable approach. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s a good question.” And so here we are, with Hill already knitting his brows together, which is unfortuanate, since it’s not that great of a look.

We ask if he does pushups and stuff like that or what?
He stiffens and says, “My workout routine is of little relevance.”

Has he ever been in a fistfight?
“I fought a lot when I was younger. Some were good, some were bad. I don’t fight anymore though. I’m an adult man,” he says, kind of laughing and sneering at the same time. “I use my words.”

So, anyway, what kind of a farter is he?
His eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. “I’m not answering that dumb question. I’m not that kind of person! Being in a funny movie doesnt make me have to answer dumb questions. It has nothing to do with who I am.”

“I’ve done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I’m really prideful of that,” he explained. “I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn’t, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both.”

Has he ever talked about jerking off, the way Seth is known to?
“No!. We’re completely different people. You know that, right? It seems to be a big part of Seth’s life. I imagine maybe it’s because he’s married.”
We decide not to parse the subtext here. Instead, we ask if he’s got a girlfriend.
“I’m single.”
For how long has he been single?
“Don’t worry about it.”

Judd Apatow once called him “angry, nerdy,” Hill didn’t seem to think the label applies to him at all anymore:
“Yeah, there was probably an angry time for me. But I couldn’t be a less angry person. Judd maybe thinks of himself that way. But I haven’t worked for him in five years. I adore him. But I’m fucking 29 years old and not some angry kid.”

He has to know that millions of people are going to come in contact with this interview and understand that his star appeal has to do with how well people like him. Why would you act this way? I can understand he was probably just being himself but seriously bro, you aren’t winning over any fans with this kind of I’m too cool attitude. Loosen up a bit.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-23T22:52:45-04:00June 23rd, 2013|Celeb|0 Comments

Lucky or Good?

An age old question asks, is it better to be lucky or good? The easiest answer is that it’s better to be lucky short term and being good will pay off in in the long run. Doing something poorly and having it result positively only takes you so far. This post is going to look into my golf game because it’s where my idea for this post spawned from.

I’ve been playing a good amount of golf lately and I feel like I’ve been improving with every round. What’s started to happen is that things that I consider “lucky”, might actually be happening because I’m getting “good”. My hole in one is something that is probably as lucky as you can get because you are trying to put a ball that is 1.680 inches wide into a hole that is 4.25 inches across from 150+ yards away. The odds of a Tour player making an ace: 3,000 to 1, Low-handicapper making an ace: 5,000 to 1, Average player making an ace: 12,000 to 1. This also brings me back to the 65 ft basketball shot that I attempted a few more times the other day and wasn’t even close to putting it in. The shot that I made was pure luck, no skill behind it. So these two events were what I would consider mostly luck but what happened today on the golf course was something different.

Today I made 5 putts that were between 10-15 feet. This is pretty surprising because I just as easily could have missed every one of them, shot 5 strokes higher, and wouldn’t think I was becoming a better player. To give you an idea of this effort, a study found that nearly everybody makes almost every putt from inside two feet. Go a little farther away, to three feet, and golfers begin to miss (even Tour pros make only 85% to 95% of their three-footers). Step back to five feet and pros hole about 65%, while amateurs, if they’re lucky, are making about 50%. And at six feet, the best in the world, the PGA Tour Professionals, sink about 50%, plus or minus 5%. From 10 feet, no one consistently holes better than 25%. And from over 15 feet? One in 10, best case, even for the pros. So what I did today was a pretty impressive display for me. This got me thinking that was what was happening on the course today was pure luck like the aforementioned scenarios or was it possible I was actually making them because I’m improving. The answer is pretty commonplace in that it’s a combination of both. I’m probably improving as well as getting a little lucky.

The idea of luck is a wild concept. What would it take for this blog to be more popular? I’ve read my work from years ago and I know that this blog is getting better in both content and presentation. If someone or something stumbles across this website and changes up what I’ve been doing and helps me take it to the next level am I getting lucky? I can’t control anything other than what I post but it would require some sort of lucky break that I have no control over. I feel like lucky breaks are part of our culture and that not everyone knows when they are going to happen. You can stumble into them sometimes. Being lucky is a great quality to have but it’s not something you can rely on. You need to be have the total package and luck will find you. The idea of luck is amazing though because some people will attribute luck to acts of god. I for one, do not.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-23T22:14:36-04:00June 23rd, 2013|My Brain, Sports|1 Comment

Boardgame Challenge

After getting a few people saying they’d play Clue with me and our attempt at setting up a Risk game, I decided to propose a formal challenge. I would like to have 12 people in this but 6 would also work, nothing in between. The idea would be to put aside an afternoon / night and compete in 3 different, 6 person, board games. Points would be awarded for places and like the strong man competition, the winner would be the one with the most points. If we had 12 people, the winner from each group would go 1v1 in a 5 game Rock-Paper-Scissor to crown the ultimate champion. I was thinking a 20 dollar entry fee would be reasonable and we’d split the cash 75 / 25 amongst the winners from the group. The games would be as follows:

Risk x 1

Clue x 3

Trivial Pursuit x 1

2,4,6,8,10,12 for Risk and Trivial Pursuit. 5 for the winner of clue, 2 if you don’t get a chance to guess and 0 for the wrong guess. I’d have to think about it and see if anything was more fair. If you’d be interested in joining this affair, I’d provide the beer and setting, you provide the entertainment. Leave a comment and we’ll get an email chain started.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-21T14:51:20-04:00June 21st, 2013|My Life|7 Comments

Ace in the Hole

Riverwinds Golf Course, Hole 15, 147 yards – Ace

I have been defying odds. At this pace I should be winning powerball by weeks end. Today marked the 2nd, and much more, extraordinary event of my existence. The one attempt 70 ft shot was pretty impressive but today was the first time I’ve ever had a hole in one on a par 3.

Shee and I decided to leave work a little early and play a round of golf at Ron Jaworski’s Riverwinds . Shee is only 4 months recovering from ACL surgery and decided that APete was a good comparison for what he should be able to accomplish. It was an absolute perfect day and he steps up to the first tee and blasts one down the middle for a great start to the round. Everything was going swimmingly during the round and we were both enjoying the day. I managed to hit a par 5 in two and make a birdie but that was my only good hole on the front. We both were 48 on the front and were trying to talk our games up for the back.

Hole 15 was a short par 3, 147 yards, and I had the honors. I pulled out a 9 iron and lined up the shot while commenting, “I’m going to open my club face a cunt hair (vulgar I know but the truth is the truth) and put this in the hole.” So I make my swing and connetct with good contact. I could tell it was on line and said something to the effect that it’s looking pretty good. Shee lost it in the sun but caught a glimpse as it hit the green. It was too tough to tell but my feeling was that it was the right direction but I over hit it. Shee hit his shot and we proceeded to the green. At this point we looked at the green and didn’t see any balls. Shee said we had to walk up together just in case. As we get closer I peered behind the green and didn’t see any sign of a ball. Shee was a few steps ahead and pointed out the ball mark. At that point I think I realized that I had my first hole in one. We looked in and the ball was sitting right in the hole. I put my hands up in cheer and Shee nearly tackled me. It was pretty amazing. The feeling of the hole in one lasted the final 3 holes (where I had 2 birdie putts and a par putt on) and I still have a bit of high. I’ve probably played 200+ rounds of golf with maybe 800 chances at par 3’s and I finally nailed one. Some people can go their hole lives but I was able to claim the elusive hole in one. Ron Jaworski is going to send me an autographed football for the accomplishment. Thanks to the Shee for being a witness.

Scorecard

My ballmark on the 15th hole that resulted in a hole in one

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-20T21:26:55-04:00June 20th, 2013|Sports|5 Comments

Ray’s Got Game

“Whatever Ray is making, it’s not enough.” (3 Million)

“That three was so ridic, a fade away with 5 seconds left and the season on the line? Swish City.” – The Shee

Ray Allen jumped up my list of NBA players with this clutch shot last night. Lebron too. Fans won’t forget Ray’s shot but they will forget that when the Heat were down 5, Lebron got a good look at a 3 and completely missed the rim, the rebound bounced around and Mike Miller got the ball right back to Lebron and he rose up and knocked one down. After the aforementioned point of the game I made a comment to Jeff that Lebron seemed a bit frazzled and I’d want Ray to take the shot if my team needed it. Obviously Chris Bosh thought the same thing.

Setup before Ray Ray swishes the biggest shot of his career.

Last night’s game was one of the best NBA games I’ve witnessed in a long time. Lebron guarding Parker and him stepping back from 3 land and nailing it to put his team up was heroic. Later Parker owned Chalmers in the lane which proved Lebron is the only guy on the floor who can stand a chance covering Parker. Bosh played the OT of his life with a great 3 point play to start it and the risky block on Green to seal it. Was Manu fouled on the play where San Antonio should have called a timeout with 11 seconds left? Probably but whistles are silent in situations like that and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was thoroughly entertained and the sense of a season ending with a loss was evident in the 4th quarter. The tension and pressure were high and you could feel it exuding from Lebron (the head band got removed by his powering up like in DragonBall). I let out a yelp when Ray swished that 3 because I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was truly one for the ages.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-19T08:41:41-04:00June 19th, 2013|Sports|0 Comments

Tom’s Treasures Part 2

Part one of a few of my favorite items can be found here. This will continue the list.

Favorite Pornstar – 90’s Jenna Jameson

I had a hard time making this entry. I don’t think all of these pictures are from the 90’s but they are close enough to that time period to give the idea of what the best pornstar of all time looked like. I feel bad for all the young kids of today who get to see a washed up, plastic, pill popping, rail thin Jenna because she wasn’t always like that. Before ClubJenna and when she was with Vivid, Jenna Jameson was/is the best thing that ever happened to porn. She even had heartbreaker tattooed on her ass so all the guys knew what they were dealing with. It isn’t a contest really. She had the looks, the body, and then even the brains to revolutionize the industry. Jenna in her prime was a work of art rivaling the Sistine Chapel.

Favorite Professional Sports League – NFL

Far and away the best professional sport. 16 game season, playing once a week, every game is meaningful, hard hitting, talent shines, and nothing’s for certain. The NFL is the polar opposite of baseball and why I love one and can’t stand the other. Even though I’ve never played football I get such a kick out of what these players are able to do and how dedicated they are to their sport because without complete focus, they have no chance. I grew up playing basketball and even though that’s my favorite sport to play, the NBA is a so-so run league. The NFL has hit the nail on the head and with the rise of Fantasy Football (we actually used to play back in the 90’s when Pishy would score by hand), I’m completely hooked. Throw in some action on the games, a beer, a lazy Sunday and I’m in paradise.

Favorite Actor – Kevin Spacey

I enjoy Kevin Spacey’s acting. He’s cool, calm, and collected one minute and then at the drop of a hat he can turn ballistic. He gets in tune with the character he’s portraying and then makes you believe he’s the character. It’s acting 101 but he does it better than most. Seven and the Usual Suspects stand out as ultimate villains. American Beauty was obviously one of his main hits and I particularly enjoyed the Big Kahuna which I’m sure no one has seen. I know he did House of Cards as well which I’m sure was great. I could have picked Pitt, DeNiro, Nicholson, Hanks, or Damon for this category but I like Spacey’s style more.

Favorite Album – Dark Side of the Moon

The Dark Side of the Moon’s themes include conflict, greed, the passage of time, and mental illness, the latter partly inspired by Barrett’s deteriorating mental state. For me this is the album I listen to when I’m fucked up. Not so much anymore but Evan can attest to my late night escapades stumbling in at 2am and blaring DSoTM. I’d usually be asleep by Time but when I was listening it was like magic. At 43 minutes if I remember correctly, it’s the perfect length of not being too long or too short. The tracks on it are all top notch and I really can’t think of any other album that is close to this one. I’m not alone either as it remained in the charts for 741 weeks from 1973 to 1988. With an estimated 50 million copies sold, it is Pink Floyd’s most commercially successful album and one of the best-selling albums worldwide.

Favorite Shorts – Dockers

The shorts are 20 dollars. Most shorts are just shorts but I can’t find anything wrong with the Docker’s shorts. They are priced right, pockets are fine, length is a tad short but not noticeable. They last a long time and you can buy 10 different colors if you wish. I have no reason to try another pair

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-18T23:05:05-04:00June 18th, 2013|Movies, Music, Sports|0 Comments

Some Humor For Your Day

Curb Your Enthusiasm – Funkhouser’s Joke

Wheel of Fortune – Pill Pushers

Family Feud – A Part of the Body That Grows As You Get Older

Arrested Development – Gob and His Expensive Suits

Family Guy – Red Bull

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-18T16:28:56-04:00June 18th, 2013|Videos|0 Comments

Tom’s Treasures

Here’s a post that will describe a few of what I consider the best of the best. What you’ll find in this post are my favorite books, movies, games, music and anything else I can think of to round out a full post. I may have to use a couple parts but I have high hopes for this type of post and the commentary it can potentially generate.

Favorite Movie – Schindler’s List

It made me cry. I thought about this topic for a while and no other movie I can think of made me cry like this one. Any movie that is able to deliver that kind of emotion has to be at the top of the list. Liam Neeson was phenomenal and even though it’s been years since I’ve watched it, that feeling at the end of the movie has never left me. I’ve seen many good movies too and it’s not only the crying factor, this was an all around wonderful movie. I think I may have shed a tear during 7 pounds as well for what it’s worth.

Honorable Mention – Shawshank Redemption, Platoon, Forrest Gump, Goodfellas

Favorite Board Game – Clue

It bothers me that more people don’t like Clue. People think it’s a complicated game and dismiss it. What they don’t realize is that they are missing out on a game that involves trickery, paying attention, and deducing from partial information. It’s a smart person’s game and if you don’t like it… Aside from the games when Bud, Bill, Chris, and myself used to play when we were little, I haven’t found a group of people who actually enjoy Clue. We are trying to get a Risk game together and I’m equally trying to find some Clue participants. Get a clue.

Honorable Mention – Stratego, Scattergories, Chess

Favorite Band – Led Zeppelin

This was pretty easy for me. I was listening to Rock and Roll the other day and every song I listened to after it was dwarfed in comparison. Led Zeppelin makes other music worse. The synergy created from all 4 members make this band legendary. I don’t think anyone has touched the benchmark set by them in 40 years. Here was a post I did a while back about my favorite Zeppelin songs. If I’m ready to rock out, I go with Zeppelin.

Honorable Mention – Beatles. Everyone else is on a different tier.

Favorite TV Show – The Wire

I thought about this for a little while and the answer is the Wire because it ended at the right time. Aside from docks season which was a little whack, every single episode and season delivered. I started drinking Jameson as my drink of choice after mimicking McNulty. Breaking Bad was a close second but I think Bud summed it up perfectly that season 4 didn’t leave a lot unanswered. The 1st half of the 5th season, although good, didn’t need to be. I’ll obviously watch the 2nd half but I think it should have stopped. Knowing when to end a show is important. Bad things happened with Sopranos, Dexter, True Blood… I think Game of Thrones has mighty potential though. I think I watched the Wire in a few weeks time playing episode after episode until my eyes closed. There hasn’t been a better TV show created. I do think it’s a bit unfair though to compare this with a 22 minute episode on a national network.

Honorable Mention – GoT, Breaking Bad, Seinfeld

Favorite Book – Atlas Shrugged

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

This is a weird pick because I skimmed through 75 pages of John Galt’s speech (I’m sure this could be people’s favorite part) which was entirely overwhelming and the ending action scene seemed incredibly dumb, but for 3 months of reading this book I would be engrossed in the life of Dagney, Reardon, John Galt, and Francisco. I even took notes during this book and I was reading it for fun! The story shed light on different political and life views of characters which was mind opening. I probably missed many relevant parts of this story and forget them to this date but if I ever get the chance, I wouldn’t hesitate to re-read this book. This also made me read the Fountainhead which was also incredibly good.

Honorable Mention – Napoleon Hill The Law of Success & Stephen Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-17T21:26:46-04:00June 17th, 2013|Movies, Music, My Brain, Tv|2 Comments

Oh, The Places You’ll Go

There were quite a few blog worthy topics for me this weekend. The US open was near Philly, I played a round of golf on Saturday, a Fresh Foods experience, and even a rousing game of horse all come to mind. I’ll use bullets instead of paragraph form because I don’t have anything to intertwine all of these random happenings.

I took it easy on Friday night because Bud and I planned an 11:28 golf round at Turtle Creek. I woke early on Saturday, went for a run across the Ben Franklin bridge, posted an entry on this site, and then met Bud at the course. We played with an elderly couple, Jack and Ruth, who were actually very good for their age. I managed to shoot 89 while putting erratically all day. Probably my best driving round of the year though. Bud had some unbelievable tee-shots as well.

We then headed to the courts to play some Bball with Sam and Gourlay. Gourlay, the captain, chose Sam over me which proves his ability as a manager. Only two notes on the games were my block that was rejected right back in Sam’s grill and Jeff raping Gourlay on a drive to the basket. He liked it.

Sunday began with a trip to Fresh Foods where we picked up a Tiramisu for our dad on Father’s day. I inquisitively asked why there was hardly a counter space to put items on at the check out line and parted by telling the customers that “Fresh Foods sucked”. It really didn’t but it seemed outrageously priced.

The game of horse amongst the Stortz boys was historic. To start things off I hit a 27 foot 3 point shot which Sam missed. After exclaiming that my last shot was too easy I banked a 35 ft shot from the welcome mat by the deck that Sam missed again. Once Sam was eliminated it was down to Jeff and I. Saying one more time that my last shot was too easy, I attempted a 70 ft sidewalk shot that was virtually perfect in every way and dropped through the basket to make me the winner. It was a thing of beauty and Jeff said that he couldn’t even look at me right now.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-17T10:12:42-04:00June 17th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Have You Heard My Pink Floyd Cover?

Pink Floyd’s iconic prism

The song I Sold My Bed, But Not My Stereo (worth a listen) by Capital Cities has a line in it that says “have you heard my Pink Floyd cover?” To most people this line wouldn’t stand out but I sort of pondered it a bit and decided that many people growing up may have no idea of who Pink Floyd even is. It’s completely natural for a 15 year old to be listening to Capital Cities, hear this line, and have never heard of the band Pink Floyd. This would mean that a 15 year old born in 1998! would have to delve way back in classic rock to stumble across Pink Floyd. This got me thinking that I’m getting old.

In my mind it’s almost impossible for me to understand that some people may not know Pink Floyd even exists. To create an analogous situation, a baby boomer would be be scratching their head how someone of my generation would never have heard of the Rat Pack. It makes me understand how when you age, you are constantly being replaced by a younger generation. The great thing is that you don’t even know it’s happening, it just does. I say it’s great because it defines a meaningful concept of change. The only thing constant is change.

What makes this post worthwhile is that Pink Floyd isn’t just another band. Once again I’m going to be an old person again exclaiming how things were so much better back then (I wasn’t even alive while Pink Floyd was at their height for what it’s worth), but it’s the truth. Missing out on Pink Floyd is like never hearing of the Yankees. The lyrics, the guitar, the messages, and the performance all came together to create one of the best bands ever. As time (a Floyd song about how time can slip by, but many people do not realize it until it is too late) passes, greatness is forgotten by the younger generation. Times change, interests change, bands are forgotten and new ones emerge. All natural aspects of life that you get to witness as you go through life. One of the advantages of getting older.

I think it’s tough for an older generation to see young people and know that they are not going to go through life the same way. As an elder you want to take the young’n and put Pink Floyd on your record player and be like, “Listen Sonny, this band blows the doors off of Justin Bieber.” Problem is that you can’t force this type of thinking on young minds because it debilitates thought. They have to want to listen to Pink Floyd and as time passes, Pink continues to get pushed further and further into history. It’s a scary thought comparing Pink Floyd to One Direction. Nevertheless, that is the case and embracing this is important. Nobody like a crotchety old fart.

Check out Capital Cities cover of Breathe which I have to assume is the Pink Floyd cover mentioned in the song that inspired this post.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-15T09:57:28-04:00June 15th, 2013|Music|1 Comment