We Don't Walk Slow

How Hot is Kesha?

This is good title because it’s like I’m asking how hot is she knowing she’s hot or it’s asking if she’s even hot? I honestly never have thought of Kesha as an attractive female. She always came off as sort of butch, gross, and almost ugly. After seeing her in the American Girl video, I started reconsidering my position. I went to Google images and started viewing some past photos and I think I’ve made a complete 180. I may go as far as saying she’s incredibly enchanting. The wild makeup and tiger face make me think she’s probably a freak in the bedroom which adds to her allure. I think the way she talks and sings is also kind of luring. I’ll even go as far to say some of her music is catchy and listenable. Here are few pictures and you can decide for yourself. Poll below

Some of her finer photos

: Smoking Blonde Kesha

: Star Eye Sizzling

: Looking very picturesque

: Wild and Crazy Kid

Some of her comely pics

: Looking Plain

: Gold Tooth is not a good look

: Looks like she just got ran train on

: Crazy Ugly Kid

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By Tom Stortz|2013-06-29T13:32:42-04:00June 29th, 2013|Music|0 Comments

Bikers are Assholes

A common position for a biker.

Maybe not every biker is an asshole but I know they’re out there. I’m running along today down Spring Garden and come to the intersection at Broad. The sidewalk runs straight into the street and you have to veer off to hit the crosswalk. The only way to get to that part is on the bike lane. I run off the sidewalk and into the bike lane and this obnoxious biker coming into me says something to the effect, “this is the bike path!” My first reaction was to yell, “fuck you.” Wisely I didn’t start a confrontation but I think it’s hilariously wrong to think that runners aren’t allowed in the bike path. Anyone who believes otherwise would be contradicting the fact that bikes are allowed to ride in the street with cars. If I asked that asshole today if bikes should be allowed to ride in the street I promise you he’d say obviously. What’s the difference?

As a driver I get pissed at bikers on the road. Jeff and I always disagree on proper bicycle conduct mainly because he rides a bike around and I never do. My contention is that a biker is extremely vulnerable and can get annihilated by a car if there’s one wrong move. I’m for a bike lane when there’s enough space. As long as bikers use judgement I have no problem with them but for some reason they tend to want to squeeze themselves in areas that they don’t belong. It just isn’t bright. I get the feeling that bikers think they are really slick and have total control of their bikes. Jeff has crashed and totaled 5+ bikes but I’m sure he believes he’s a world class cyclist. I have no issues with smart bikers the same way that bikers shouldn’t have problems with runners. Like a biker can’t figure out how to ride past a runner that I need to make sure I’m always off the bike lane. Lighten up and get serious.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-29T13:10:52-04:00June 29th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

This Is The End – Who did this to the magazine?

Thanks to the Weens and the Wevs for introducing me to this. How they use their last names is what kills me. Plus Seth Rogen saying nothing throughout is great. “Dropping loads around the house like a goddamn dump truck.”

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-29T11:00:11-04:00June 29th, 2013|Videos|0 Comments

76ers Draft Was Smart?

Noel Nerlens from Kentucky – Flat Top

The 76ers draft was surprising and active which is better than boring and predictable. The Sixers got rid of their best player, Jrue Holiday, for Nerlens Neol and a 1st round pick next year that is a protected top 3. Some experts had Noel being drafted as the top pick of this year’s draft! Next they selected Michael Carter Williams from Syracuse who obviously won’t fill Jrue’s role but may develop into a guard. Notice I didn’t say good or bad, just a guard because it’s far too early to tell. I’m sure fans are upset that we traded our best player but this is a savvy move. There is nothing to be upset about.

The worst team in basketball is the team that finishes in the 9th playoff spot. They aren’t good enough to compete and are not bad enough to get a high pick. That is the Sixers. They have mediocre talent, a big man who won’t play, ever, and voids on top of voids to fill in their line up. Noel is only 19 and 6-11. That’s a pretty good start. Thadeaus Young is the only other player on the Sixers with NBA talent. Michael Carter is 6-6 and was ranked by ESPN as the top point guard prospect. Those 3 players give you a nucleus to build around. We are going to suck next year. That’s just the way it is. Don’t let expectations get too high, we will finish in the basement. Guess what? We WANT to finish in the basement. Line up 2 bad ass picks next year in what is hopefully a stronger draft class. We are REBUILDING!!!!!!!

I’ve never been a proponent of rebuilding because the fans don’t deserve year after year of bullshit rebuilding, it’s a nonsense term. However, I’m for it in this case. The Sixers weren’t going anywhere with only the #11 pick in the draft this year and Jrue running the show with Jason Richardson as your starting 2 guard and Spencer Hawes as your center. Evan Turner sucks too. There was no choice. This was a wise move by San Hinkie and makes me think he knows what he’s doing. He also speaks the truth, “it’s fair to call the Sixers’ trade for Andrew Bynum “a failure.” I truly believe this move will benefit the Sixers long term.

You’re next you no talent, no jumpshot, no heart, piece of water trash.

Wait, did Jrue get traded?

— evan turner (@thekidet) June 28, 2013

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-28T14:34:37-04:00June 27th, 2013|Sports|3 Comments

No Phones on the Dinner Table

Leaving your phone out on the table during a meal has to be one of the rudest, inconsiderate, disgraceful acts of social behavior. By keeping your phone on the table you are saying that your phone is more important than the people around you. There are no if, ands, or buts, I don’t give a fuck how important your game or person on the other end of that phone is, it’s flat out unmannerly. The phone stack game should become a necessity amongst crowds.

The phone stack game is a novel idea (it’s actually not because it’s been around for quite a while but it’s news to me). All parties place their phones on the table, and the first person to grab their phone to check for a text or call loses and has to pick up the check. This is obviously something that is extreme and not actually practical but there should be some guidelines to phone use during dinner.

Phone Stack Game

A few phone rules to live by
1) No phone on the table
2) A phone can be checked if it is being used as part of the discussion ie) looking up something you are talking about
3) A check of the phone is ok if it doesn’t last more than 5 seconds and is during a break of the action
4) Texting or talking at the table is not allowed

This is another important thought:
Psychologists who conducted the experiments at Essex University believe mobile phones automatically trigger thoughts about wider social networks, reducing the level of empathy and understanding in face-to-face conversations.

The point of this post is that someone needs to inform people of this. Younger people especially will grow up believing that phones on the table is fine. When I see this behavior, I immediately know that the person has their priorities jumbled. Just being aware that it’s impolite should be a start to fixing this. Emails, texts, and games shouldn’t supersede another human being as difficult as it is. I personally don’t care if I’m relaxing at a bar drinking a beer how often someone checks their phones but when you are in a dinner atmosphere, that’s where the line gets drawn. If you know someone like this, send them a text with a link to this post.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-27T21:00:33-04:00June 27th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Dog Scared of Farts

Taken from Barstool but funny nonetheless.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:32:07-04:00June 27th, 2013|Videos|0 Comments

Why Oh Why Aaron Hernandez?

Talk about a sleeper going to the wayside. It’s hard to call Hernandez a sleeper but I think that’s exactly what he is with Gronk injured for the rest of his life (he’s due back early on this season but we know that will never happen). Hernandez was mostly injured for the first part of last season but with Gronk out in weeks 11-16, he averaged 56 yards a game and had 3 TDs, not to mention 85 yards a game in 2 playoff games. He was a legitimate top 5 TE for the Patriots with Gronk constantly injured. My guess is Hernandez would have gone in the late 5-6 rounds and I would accept him on my team in a heartbeat. Guys who I’d rather have ahead of him would be Jimmy Graham, Jason Witten, Heath Miller, and Vernon Davis. Dennis Pitta and Brandon Myers would also be on that watch list. I honestly believed that Hernandez was going to be a fantasy stud with the Patriots discarding all of their WR’s and having him as a prime receiving target. The murder story on this poor sap is excruciatingly painful to read about.

USA Today – Prosecutors allege that Hernandez picked up Lloyd around 2:30 a.m. on June 17th and that they drove through Boston before heading back to North Attleborough. McCauley claimed that Hernandez was unhappy that Lloyd had spoken with people that he didn’t like at Boston nightclub several nights earlier. The prosecutor alleges that several people heard multiple gun shots near an industrial park close to Hernandez’s home around 3:23 a.m. and says that home surveillance cameras captured Hernandez carrying a semiautomatic firearm as he and two other men returned to his home at 3:30 a.m.

What a thug. This could be a case of some of the worst decision making known to man. He’s in the neighborhood of receiving 40 million dollars over 5 years for playing football and this is his course of action for taking care of someone for talking shit. Why can’t these guys just stay in their house with their wife and kids and watch Disney movies? The footage had to have been so plain and simple to see that he must know that he is dead to rights. You can tell in his expression that he knows he’s fucked. He doesn’t even look like he cares because they probably have so much evidence against him that he knows there’s now point of wasting emotional energy. How dumb do you have to be to leave a rental car under your name at the scene as well as dumping the body close to where you live? Talk about wasted talent. #TebowforTE

Could this be the end of Aaron Hernandez NFL career? Your thoughts?

— Donovan McNabb (@donovanjmcnabb) June 26, 2013

Boston has had a rough run this year.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-26T21:55:51-04:00June 26th, 2013|Sports|0 Comments

Bonnie McKee – American Girl

I’ve never heard of Bonnie McKee. To follow in the same path as last post, here is her Wiki:

Bonnie Leigh McKee (born January 20, 1984) is an award-winning American singer, songwriter, and actress. Named Rolling Stone Magazine’s “Best Secret Weapon” in 2011, Mckee has co-written eight #1 singles, that have sold more than 25 million copies worldwide. She teamed up with pop superstar Katy Perry to co-write the hits “California Gurls,” “Teenage Dream,” “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” “Part of Me,” and “Wide Awake.” McKee also co-wrote “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz, which became the second best-selling song by a British artist in the digital era.

After watching the video I thought to myself how the hell did Bonnie McKee get all of these celebrities to do this for her? With a further in depth look at her accomplishments, she’s collaborated with Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kesha, Kylie Minogue, Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, Carly Rae Jepsen, Leona Lewis, Adam Lambert, Max Martin, Dr. Luke, Benny Blanco, Mark Foster, Josh Abraham, Greg Kurstin, Anne Preven, and many others. This makes more sense because the video is entertaining to see who pops up next. Here are a few of my observations after watching the video

– Bonnie McKee is hot and flat. Great ass shot at 1:30.
– I’d love to be in the bed with Katy Perry. 3:14 hit the money
– Jenny McCarthy is showing her age.
– Adam Lambert is the gayest. 1:17, enough said.
– Kesha looked really good. I always thought she was dirty and gross but I’ve altered my opinion.
– Macklemore in the tub was pretty hilarious. I assume that was Macklemore.
– Kathy Griffin needs to just stop entirely.
– Who was the girl with the weird hair and random guy?
– Jason Derulo has completely sold out.
– Girl at :27? Girl at 1:27?
– Jewel and George Takei were decent additions.
– Tommy Lee in drag?

Overall I think it was extremely well done and even though the song is as poppy as can be, it still gets and A+ in production. It’s one of those songs that will receive airplay for a few months and then fade into oblivion because the catch is the only thing that holds it up. Awesome youtube video though with all the cameos.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-27T15:59:33-04:00June 26th, 2013|Music|1 Comment

Ellie Goulding Who?

It’s come to my attention in the past few days that people don’t know who Ellie Goulding is. From Wiki:

Elena Jane “Ellie” Goulding (pronounced golding; born 30 December 1986) is an English singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. In 2010, she became the second artist to both top the BBC’s annual Sound of… poll and win the Critics’ Choice Award at the Brit Awards in the same year, following Adele’s win of both in 2008.

Notice those years are a while ago since she’s been around. A few of her hit songs include Lights, Anything Can Happen, and Starry Eyed. She’s also collaborated with the likes of Calvin Harris, Zedd, and Skrillex to bump her street cred. I haven’t listened to her entire catalog but she’s a talented singer and has some nice hooks. Even though I’m not a huge fan, I at least recognize her existence. I thinks she’s dated Skrillex as well. Just an FYI.

Ellie Goulding and Skrillex

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-26T10:52:36-04:00June 26th, 2013|Celeb|1 Comment

Creaky Old Man

I’ve always heard older people complaining about their body and assumed that they were being pussies. As long as all your body parts were working and you weren’t doing anything seriously outrageous to harm them, you should be fine. I’m reconsidering that position as I age. I can’t explain why it seems like everything that I do results in some part of my body being affected. It doesn’t matter if it’s throwing a baseball, hitting a golf ball, or reading a book, something is going to fall out of place. I’m even more concerned because I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

Yesterday I didn’t do anything to bring on pain and for some reason my oblique was bothering me. I went for a run after golf and felt for lack of a better word, tired. This morning I got 8 full hours of sleep and still felt like I could stay in bed for a few more hours. My elbow is in pain any single time it comes in contact with anything. It can brush up against something and it feels like my funny bone just hit the emergency switch. This is from breaking far too many falls with my elbows. My knees are so beat up they look like they’ve been through a war. With only a few more months to say I’m in my twenty’s, I feel like I’m in my forties.

Even with all this complaining, I’m still working towards a superior fitness level for myself. I’ve been using the Art Museum steps as a training source rather than a track and I have a feeling I’m going to see tremendous results. I’m down to 172 which is what I believe is my ideal running weight. Ideal is probably closer to 165 but I’d be a twig. I went to the gym today for the first time and it was pathetic how much I could lift after a few month hiatus. I don’t think anyone will be calling on me for any strength reasons though so I should be alright. I’ve done a great job throughout my life at avoiding major (and minor) injury but it seems like I’m constantly finding nagging issues. I usually wouldn’t even use a post to write about them but I honestly have nothing else to write about. This was pretty much filler until I can find some time to work in some of my better ideas for posts.

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-24T22:45:42-04:00June 24th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment