WHY ATHLETES CAN’T HAVE REGULAR JOBS…

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
(Say what??)

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:
“I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,”
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings..” (ahhhhhh……….)

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
(consider the source, Albert!)

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
“You guys line up alphabetically by height..”
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.” (maybe this explains things??)

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
“I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.” (ribbit, ribbit)

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”

By |2013-03-15T17:45:13-04:00December 13th, 2010|Sports|2 Comments

Ambler BBall

4 teams made the playoffs and I believe our game was the 2 vs 3 seed. We had 2 losses during the regular season and one of them was to the team that we played last night. Our team doesn’t have a name like Primetime but we are just referred to as Team Baker which I find pretty appropriate. Ck4 opened the game with a 3 ball and the game was pretty tight throughout the first half. We started in man D and eventually switched to a 2-3 with a few minutes left in the first half. I don’t remember the exact score but there wasn’t too much of interest and I think it was a one or two point game at halftime. Our strategy didn’t change in the 2nd half but at some point they switched over to man . The first 5 minutes of the second half was completely sloppy, out of control basketball. The refs weren’t consistent in their foul calling and things were starting to get out of hand. Jeff got walloped a few times to no call and I remember Jkash owning this one guy who would have had a layup. Jkash makes his fouls count though and gives tough minutes which our team somewhat lacks. Bake kept our team ahead with an awesome tip in that he got fouled on and multiple jumpers that kept the other team at bay. With 3 minutes left in the game we kept a 6 point lead and they were in the penalty. As the game wore on we kept going to the line and they just didn’t really make a run at it. Jeff had some big layups and foul shots towards the end and we just played a really good game and came away with a 10 point victory. We move on to the championship game next week and can hopefully come back with another rec league gold. Mad props to Bake for another impressive performance and even though I know it seems like I’m on his nuts, we wouldn’t be winning these games without him. And just so he doesn’t feel left out, if it wasn’t for Ck4’s defense and rebounding, we’d still be where we are today.

I made a nice pick on the Pats blowout and maybe I’ll give an occasional sports pick when I feel like I might know what I’m doing. I also earned 3 byes in Fantasy Football playoffs and have to play Bradbury in the first round of another. Solid performance from myself. Toot Toot.

By |2010-12-07T00:02:55-05:00December 7th, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Gwambs Gwambs

There are a couple of things I did over the weekend that I think I can sum up pretty fast. Me, Wevs and the Wads went to Sugarhouse on Friday night where I proceeded to drop 500 dollars at 3 card poker. I wouldn’t reccommend the Sugarhouse to anyone as it’s filled with the dregs of society and getting a table was a nightmare. Not to mention that the table limits were all 25 min which just made it more annoying to play. Drinks were free though so I have to give them that. I was up 250 at one point and with 750 sitting in front of me I managed to give it all away in a quick burst of losing hands. The game is truly stupid and you have to be a complete moron to play it for as long as I did. Lesson learned.

I also managed to ride a hot streak sports betting into Sunday night. I was on a 7 game win streak which had me up about 400 bucks since Tuesday night. I hit the Pacers over the Kings, Eagles over the Texans, Pitt over Cincy, Auburn over SC, Sixers over the Bobcats, and then a 3 team teaser which was picked by Gusto for a hundred bucks and a 70 dollar win with the Packers. That led me to another 100 dollar teaser that lost on the Colts being unable to beat the Cowboys. I put 130 dollars on the Ravens last night and lost that putting my account at exactly 200 dollars (30 of which is Bakers). The miraculous thing about this money is that I have been on the same deposit since week 1 of the NFL. I have had the account as high as 650 before dropping as low as 25 and now I’m back in the green 170. I’m honestly completely in awe of how good and lucky I’ve been through this season but you can’t ask for this long of a run on 50 bucks betting as often as I do. I took my shot of trying to make up for the Sugarhouse loss last night and just feel a bit short. I’m leaning towards the Pats tonight.

In Fantasy Football news, my 4 teams have another chance at a sweep. If Brady can outlast Sanchez and the pats D with a 10 point cushion, I win. The Turkeys won the division and will have the most points scored in the league moving into a playoff bye. The Nuts have a 28 point lead with my Jets D vs Welker, Braylon, Hernandez, and the Pats D which should probably hold in a non ppr. And depending on Dustin Keller’s game, I could get a first round Playoff bye in Big Steve’s league. That’s 4 leagues, 4 playoff spots and maybe 3 first round playoff byes. My usually lackluster fantasy performance was offset by a big 2010. Time to bring home the bacon.

I’m also going to share my investment ideas with my limited audience and this gives a good benchmark for where levels are. There are 3 Chinese IPO’s that I read about today that all have proven business models in the USA, but these are all located in China. DangDang, symbol DANG, has an IPO set for Wednesday and it’s the equivalent of Amazon. YouKu is internet television and will IPO tomorrow under the symbol YOKU. Finally Sky-mobi, symbol MOBI will IPO on Thursday and is a Chinese App store for IPhones. I find all these business ideas solid and proven and no little about these particular companies. However, with China’s growing population of 1.3 billion people and about half a million use smart phones, there is still plenty of room for growth and these stocks have profitable American equivalents to model after. We’ll see what happens.

By |2010-12-06T16:35:45-05:00December 6th, 2010|My Brain, Sports|0 Comments

Primetime takes it down

Manayunk Sport and Social Football Champs

It was a frigid December day in the mid-afternoon when history was made. In their first season ever of two hand touch football, Primetime found ways to take down the #1 seed The Hill for the championship. In the first meeting the Hill won in a high scoring affair on a last second drive, this time was different. The game opened with them moving the ball down the field all the way to the goal line and on 4th and short the QB threw a pick right to me for the turnover. Bake marched the team right down field and found Gayle in the end-zone for the early lead. The Hill’s next drive was stymied by our towering man in the middle, the shee. With a display of unbelievable athletic ability, the Shee managed to block the Qb’s pass directly upward and then got the pick for the Hill’s second turnover. Bake took the team down the field a second time and found Jess Romano in the end-zone for the early 13-0 lead. The Hill answered with a score of their own to make it 13-6. I think Gayle might have had another TD and we gave up another score and went into halftime 19-13. Bake came out of the halftime making his first mistake when he overthrew Gusto and got picked off. On their 2nd play the QB threw his 3rd pick on an awesome play by Jess Romano where she just took the ball out of their receivers hands. Huge, huge play that really gave us the momentum. I can’t remember exactly how many scores occurred in the progressing minutes but it was a one score game with about 4 minutes left. It was our ball, 4th and long, and on a roll-out, Bake put a perfect pass (Jkash would say he had to go back for it) into Marcedes Kashub for a huge first down. Jkash coming from a shoulder injury didn’t drop a ball that was thrown to him and there was no rust from the downtime. Gusto got in the end-zone and did a ridiculous spike that came from pure excitement, to put us up 2 scores and the Hill QB then threw his 4th int of the game to Gayle. We put on a final TD and won the game in uneventful fashion. I had a lot of fun this season which is something I’d rarely say. It’s a good group of people and we all get along. It’s funny when we play some of these teams and they just constantly bitch at each other and our team really has none of that. Another huge reason we win is because our girls didn’t drop the balls. They were consistent the entire year and Bake is just a really good QB. I’d give out co-MVP’s to Bake for his excellent Quarterbacking and Gayle for superb play game after game and manhandling opposing teams females. Some contributing members who I didn’t mention, CK4 didn’t find the endzone but is quick to point out that it was the first time this season. Evan had a garbage time TD after I got it to the one yard line on my one offensive play of the game. Jeff likes to point out that he never knows where to play. Jess Baker dropped the ball because she was wearing these really woolly gloves and the ball slid right off them. All in all in was a fun time and I look forward to defending the championship next year.

By |2010-12-05T20:59:15-05:00December 5th, 2010|Sports|1 Comment

Fantasy Fball Antics

Just a quick example of how I interact with people. With Gore being out for the season and Westbrook on our waiver wire, I receive this email from the Shee who owns Gore.

“Please Please Please don’t pick up any running backs this week?”

My Response

“You’re good. I have 4 serviceable rb’s and I have to finally use my waiver wire on a defense this week. I can’t play the Jets vs the Pats so I absolutely have to pick up Seattle against the Panthers. You going to try to get Westbrook?”

His response

“Now that’s a good boy Coop. I am going for Westbrook, Gerheardt, then Hart. Gore totally ruined any shot I had at making a run in the league. Now I am just trying to sneak into the playoffs. With Evan’s inflated defense points, I agree with sitting the Jets this week.”

Now I was number 1 on the waivers and I had pretty much planned throughout the season to not waste my waiver wires on people I didn’t absolutely need. As it turned out, the person who was number 2 on the waivers was the person who is tied with me for the division and also the person I have to play this week. He has a shortage of backs and would love to get his hands on Westbrook. So I decide to put in my 1 waiver for Westbrook, assuring I got him, and then put in my 2 claim for Seattle’s D. I ended up getting both spots and can now sit Westbrook on my bench this week and make sure no one else gets his points. The email I received this morning from the Sheee.

“You backstabbing rat! Karma is going to get you BIGTIME on this one”

Ahh the joys of humanity. I’ve wrote before that I’m just not that good with people and here’s another example of the joys of being me. Just to point out one more thing, Sheeee, you were 8 on the waiver list and had no shot at getting Westbrook anyhow.

By |2010-12-01T09:33:27-05:00December 1st, 2010|Sports|2 Comments

Bball Post

Concluding our bball season in week 10 turned out to be uneventful. Ck4 lit it up with 6 3 balls in the first half and the other team was never really threatening. Jkash was back for first time since a shoulder injury from football and I believe he may have re-aggravated it during the bball game. We ended the regular season at 8-2 and probably have the 2 or 3 seed for playoffs. Essentially there were 4 basketball teams in the league and 4 other teams who got some people together. It’s somewhat sad to say that we were one of those good teams considering the 0-8 debacle from the Springfield league a year earlier. As Ck4 would say, if the other team goes man, we lose. We’ll see what happens come playoff time.

Here are 2 songs that I find particularly good.

By |2010-11-30T00:08:30-05:00November 30th, 2010|Music, Sports|0 Comments

Thanksgiving Break

I haven’t posted in a while. I’m not really in the mood to go through day by day of the events that transpired this weekend and I’m pretty sure no one would really care. On Wednesday we went to see Mr Greengenes at Mad River. Thursday was Thanksgiving and was pretty much just football and dinner with the family. Friday was beer pong with CK4 and then out in Manayunk. The end of Friday resulted in CK4 showing me how he laid down the boom on multiple chairs, Sorry Evan. Saturday brought about the Turkey Tourny which was eventually taken down by my brother Sam, with my brother Jeff getting 2nd and me getting 4th which is a pretty good showing by the Stortz’s considering 26 people played. Not surprising the hosts of the tourny know how to play the game. Saturday was more beer pong with CK4 and then I met up with a female in Manayunk. I haven’t decided how much info to disclose on that subject but we’ll see what happens.

My fantasy football teams went 3-1 and potentially 4-0 if Frank Gore gets leveled on the first play and coughs up the ball and is then out for the rest of the game. This sets me up for a game next week with He Hate Me for the division and a playoff bye. The Nuts nutted on the Moisturizers with a 20 spot from Nate Kaeding. The Terminators continued there domination with a win over Bud and a sure fire 1 seed heading into the playoffs. Only the Mind Erasers take a loss in a much needed game. I now move to 3rd place and fighting for the points lead and the playoffs in Steve’s league. Out of the 4 leagues I’m in, I have 3 guaranteed playoff teams, at least one bye and 2 more potential 1st round byes. All in all a good showing from my fantasy teams.

I also watched Boardwalk and Dexter last night. I found both to be ho-hum episodes and with the seasons beginning to come to a close, I’m a little disappointed. I’m sure they will both conclude in good fashion but the action just seems a little stale. Bball tonight and then the usual week which is capped off by playoff football next Saturday.

By |2010-11-29T09:26:46-05:00November 29th, 2010|My Life, Sports|1 Comment

BBall

We suffered a lost last night in bball which puts us at 7-2 for the season. It was a pretty hard fought game and I think we were lucky to be as close as we were. CK4 told me to use the word abysmal to describe our performance. Aside from Bud, no one played very well and we pretty much got beat by a decent team who played man defense and didn’t let us get a lot of easy shots. If any of the other teams read my blog then I just exposed how to beat our team. There weren’t too many other exciting events during the game as we were playing from behind most of the game. I think we got it down to 4 at one point with 30 seconds or so and we just couldn’t get it done. I don’t really have anything else to write about because I haven’t been feeling great and am just really dehydrated. When you stick your tongue out and it’s got this white substance covering it, that’s the #1 sign of dehydration and until that goes away, you’re going to feel shitty.

By |2010-11-23T09:11:48-05:00November 23rd, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Primetime

The semi-finals of the football playoffs were this week. It was a perfect day for football and the other team has team shirts and football gloves and we show up in plain white t’s looking haggard from a night of drinking. The entire game was all offense as the defenses seem to get abused. Bake was nearly perfect in the first half scoring on every single drive. Gusto was making good catches in the middle of the field. Ck4 caught a long ball where the other team just forgot to play defense. Gayle had 3 Td’s on the game which was pretty impressive. Jess Baker got in the end zone and had a nice 2 point conversion pass that Gusto dropped. Even I got in the end zone, take that Kelly. I think we were up a TD at halftime and then tempers started to flare on an extremely unorthodox play. Ck4 was returning a punt and laid down the boom on a female. He was going full speed and just completely ran over a 100 pound female. I was on the other side of the field so I couldn’t hear the comments going down but next thing I saw their players gathering around Chad and Jkash who was obviously looking to rumble. After that skirmish they lost their composure and started yelling at each other. Bake continued pouring it on and we ended up winning by 2 TD’s. It was a pretty competitive game and we played about the best we have all season. The championship game is on Dec 4th so it will be a colder game most likely. We celebrated the victory at the Bayou for the 2nd straight week and continued the tradition of a couple of carbombs. Solid performance by the team and I’m looking forward to the championship.

By |2013-03-15T17:32:47-04:00November 21st, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

Weekend Roundup

Saturday morning Primetime had it’s football playoff game. We were the 2 seed and up against the 7 seed. Bake started the game by throwing a pick but was solid after the initial drive. We went into halftime up by 13 I think. This was the team that beat us pretty badly the first time we played them but our defense has improved since then switching from man to zone. Nevertheless they stalled a late 2nd half drive by us and they were down by 8 points and had to go the length of the field with two minutes or so. Naturally they move the ball on us and throw a TD to some chick who was seemingly out of the end zone. It wouldn’t have mattered much though if we could stop their two point conversion. Of course they find a guy wide open in the end zone and next thing we know, it’s sudden death overtime. Our D held strong on their attempt and we got a chance to win it. Bake found the Shee in the end zone to seal the game in a close one. Some highlights… Ck4 caught a bomb early on, Gusto had a nice pick early, Gayle who is more athletic than some of our guys is an offensive weapon. Well played overall and next week will start the 2nd round. Also for the first time this year we had some people go to the bar after the game for some celebratory drinks.

I don’t really have much of interest from the weekend. I got a random # in my phone from Friday night and ended up calling it on Saturday morning at 10 to see what it was. Some girl picks up and we have this hilarious morning conversation where I’m asking how did I meet you and then it was just awkward so I hung up. I texted her my name and to facebook me but nothing came from it. I pretty much just hold my breath in this situation because 2 am girls #’s for me can be ugly. I also had an interesting phone call on Sat morning when a friend told me to bet on Tennessee because of a tip he heard. So I put 200 for him and 200 for myself and watched Tenn cream Ole Miss. I ended up losing the money on PSU and the NFL so this certainly isn’t bragging. I survived both nights successfully and got back to my winning ways in fantasy. As long as Jeremy Maclin goes for less than 20 points, I will have had another 4-0 week which would be 3 in the past 4 weeks. Special thanks to Sam for playing Michael Bush on a bye instead of Kevin Walter or Marshawn Lynch, both of whom would have got you a W. By the way, I believe we are having a vote to get you removed from the league.

By |2010-11-15T09:52:19-05:00November 15th, 2010|My Life, Sports|0 Comments
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