About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Smut Peddling

I haven’t smut peddled for views in a few weeks so I’m due.

McKayla is Back – Fresh off of a hiatus from Instagram, she comes back with a see-thru purple dress and drinking wine now that she’s 21.



Britney Looking Good (and a plain Jane Emma Stone)
– I always felt bad for Britney when she spiraled on her prescription, crazy period. Glad to see she looks healthy.

Ariel Winter Will Never Go Away – I’m sick of her. She falls into the Kim Kardashian category for me of trying too hard with minimal talent.

Kendall and Kylie Playing Piggy Back – Don’t care for either one but this is a pretty strong picture.

JLH Still Has It – She doesn’t age and always looks great.

Iggy Got New Boobs – I remember reading she was taking a ton of ridicule for being flat chested so she changed that.

Obligatory Katy Perry – She’s pretty much disappeared from making music but I’m sure she’s doing alright.

Charlotte McKinney’s Boob– The ultimate combination of being a blonde, beautiful, and buxom.

By |2016-12-17T11:15:09-05:00December 17th, 2016|Boobs|0 Comments

Dave Gildea’s Security Breach

I’ve met Dave Gildea about a half dozen times in my life. Sam’s told me he was extroverted in college and then went into a shell when he had to be around a work environment. My best guess is that he knows that if he opens his mouth too much, he’ll be shit canned because what he has to say is too perverse. Nevertheless, I enjoy his humor and dedicated following to the blog. Dave will love if you read up on his wedding.

When I posted my college transcript to the blog today it had my social security # as the student ID #. I even looked at that before I posted it, but didn’t look at it close enough, and didn’t think the two could be the same. Obviously with Dave’s keen eye and pure joy received from other people’s stupidity, he spotted that it indeed was my SSN and made mention of this mishap on Facebook. Within 2 minutes his brother (had no idea he existed) commented and then a random friend also pointed out that it was available on the Twitter thumbnail that gets posted. Egg on my face.

I had to delete the Facebook and Twitter posts and have little concern for this incident as only about 10 people probably read the post and only Dave would be wily enough to notice and actually copy it down. On this slow Friday, I’m hunting for material so I figured I’d post what a thief can do with your SSN#.

  1. Open Financial Accounts – Wells Fargo was happy opening up accounts when nobody existed, I’m sure they’d be quite pleased with any valid social.
  2. Get Medical Care –  I have no idea how this would work or come back to the person who didn’t receive the treatment.
  3. File for a Fraudulent Tax Refund 
  4. Commit Crimes – Give the fake SSN to law enforcement

To Friday and Dave Gildea!

By |2016-12-16T13:38:08-05:00December 16th, 2016|Off Topic|0 Comments

Being a Finance Major

I graduated with a degree in Finance from the University of Pittsburgh in ’05. I’ve always been more math sided than verbal, and more business oriented than the arts, so I was drawn to business. The business majors were Accounting, Marketing, Finance, and Business Management. I received a C in managerial accounting and a B- in financial accounting, so my attention to detail wasn’t great. I got fine marks in Marketing classes but I’m far from creative. You can see from my transcript that my C+ in Human Resources is mind boggling so my general business / people acumen may be in question. As such, I chose Finance.

I took Calculus in high school and then had an almost identical course in college which I was able to get an A in. This sent me on a path that had me trying to figure out the intrinsic value of stocks using the Black Scholes Model and understanding how interest rates affect bonds. I’d go to the Hillman library for hours using my financial calculator to come up with numbers that I honestly had no idea what they meant. At 20 years old, I didn’t understand how the numbers I was computing had any relation to the world we live in. The major disconnect here was that I had no money to invest which is why I had no real life experience to what I was learning. If I took the courses today, they’d benefit me much more.

Senior year, there was a course called Advanced Corporate Finance and my teacher was Jay Sukits. My class was at 8am and everyday before the students arrived, he’d have some classic rock song  blaring. I specifically remember The Pretender by Jackson Browne as a song that still sticks with me every time I hear it and relate it to that class. 33% of the grade was on projects, 33% on tests, and 33% on participation. I was a fish out of water in this class and Sukits terrified me. I participated a total of 0 times. I knew that I couldn’t fail or I’d have to go 18 credits in the Spring. A 0 in participation which would have given me a max grade of a 67%. I wrote a long winded email to him for why I shouldn’t fail his class and he gave me a C. Whew.

Why I chose Finance.

That anecdote aside, I’ve lost thousands and thousands of dollars in the stock market and don’t have much of a knack for it anymore. I view the financial markets as a giant gambling mess for adults that I want very little to do with. I know people get wealthy beyond their wildest dreams from the market but for every dollar someone gains, someone else loses it. The public tends to lose it. 11 years after college I have come to this conclusion and maybe would have not gone into a major that is so corrupted.

Either way, I didn’t use any of the knowledge from that finance degree. I developed valuable skills like working hard and socializing from college but as I sit here today, I learned far more from one book by Napoleon Hill called the Laws of Success, than my entire collegiate career. As luck had it, I was given the opportunity to put these principals to work with my family business which I know is a huge advantage compared to starting from the ground up. I sit here today and look at all of the hard work I’ve put into this business and know that its prospering not because of what I learned in college, but the dedication to seeing it succeed.

 

By |2016-12-16T12:58:31-05:00December 16th, 2016|My Life|0 Comments

Money Comes…Money Goes

Living is expensive. It’s tough to wrap my mind around how much money I spend but I’ll give you an idea.

  • Who wants to go bowling?

    Monday night is bowling league night. It’s $20 dollars to bowl, each pitcher is ($11 divided by 3) x (3), and splitting a pizza is around $7. Add tip, add the 5 dollars I spent for the strike pot, and it totals close to a $50 dollar night. It’s funny to think how much money I would spend if South Bowl didn’t give league bowlers the special of $3 per game. They are usually closer to $6 for normies.

  • These are the cheese steak rolls. They were actually pretty good.

    Tuesday night I played trivia at Smiths and drank about 6 beers and had $5 cheese-steak rolls. Beers between 5pm-7 are $4 dollars each. After 7pm, they get hiked up to ~$7. My tab at the end of the night was $41 and I paid near $50. I ubered to Center City for $8.56 and got a taxi back for $11. I should add that I stopped at Wawa at the end of the night for some additional food and a coffee which made me stay up all night.  $80 night.

  • Wednesday I had dinner with my mom at a chain restaurant in the Willow Grove Mall. She had a $25 coupon so the meal only totaled $39. I failed to tip on what the total would have been without the coupon, and only tipped on the $39 so it was only a bit over $50 meal.

In those 3 days I spent near $200 dollars. Minimum wage is $7.25 in Pa. It would take a minimum wage employee 27.5 hours to spend 3 days living my life. I make more money than minimum wage but taking a step back and analyzing this makes my head spin. I wouldn’t classify any of these events as extravagant or wasting money like going to the Sugarhouse. It’s just living life in a city atmosphere. In the suburbs you can go out and eat like a king and drink your face off for $30 bucks. In the city you can go home with an empty stomach and barely a buzz for $60.

By |2016-12-15T10:36:50-05:00December 15th, 2016|My Life|1 Comment

David Johnson is the #1 Back in the NFL

I was listening to Jody Mac on WIP last night and he believed that Ezekiel Elliot is the #1 RB in the league, followed closely by Le’veon Bell, and then David Johnson #3. This is incorrect by my measure and here is why.

ProFootballFocus has a rating system that, well, rates RB’s based off of missed tackles, blocking, receiving, and essentially all attributes that go into being an RB. Here is there top 6 list.

The pass block skill set is the only reason DJ is being held back. I’d argue that although pass blocking is important, it should not bring down the DJ to levels below the likes of Jay Ajayi (55% of his yards came in 3 games out of 12) and Melvin Gordon (who has somehow slipped into a position of getting TD’s).

An offensive line is a must to be a good RB. I’d argue that the offensive lines of Zeke and Leveon are far superior to DJ. Here’s the proof.

Dallas O-Line

Pittsburgh O-Line

Arizona O-Line

Can we talk Demarco Murray for one second. He was the NFL’s leading rusher in 2014 when he ran for 1,845 yards. The next closest was LeSean McCoy who ran for 1,319. The subsequent season, DeMarco was traded to the Eagles and under Chip Kelly’s scheme finished 19th in rushing yards with 702. HMMMM. In 2016, DeMarco already has 1,135 yards and has the 2nd most total yards. What changed? Do you think this helps at all?

Now that I’ve proven that a good O-line is essential to being a superior RB, let’s delve into what David Johnson is doing this year that none of the other back are.

Here are the rushing yard leaders:

Behind better O-Lines you’ll see that DJ is near, but not quite better than these 3 backs. Here is what separates DJ from the pack:

His receiving yards lead the league among RB’s and is leading in all-purpose yards. Doing that with an inferior O-Line should be enough to say that this guy is the best back in the NFL. If you wanted to argue with me that LeVeon Bell is better, I wouldn’t even start because I’d also agree. He’s a freak who has the patience of a saint. It bothers though that a guy out of Northern Iowa doesn’t seem to be getting the respect he deserves.

By |2016-12-14T11:01:47-05:00December 14th, 2016|Fantasy|2 Comments

By The Slimmest of Margins

This is called eeking out a win.

Gotta give it up to the #1 PI caller in the game.

My “holy shit” came after Justin Tucker slipped one inside the left crossbar with 2 minutes left in the game. It was 4th and 1 and I think Harbaugh made a huge mistake not going for it. I’m happy he did, but you don’t get that many shots against the Patriots to score TD’s. I understand you would need to get the onside kick anyway, but 4th and 1 seems too good to pass up.

I won my other fantasy playoff game in another ugly scoring week. Weird point totals all around.

By |2016-12-13T09:37:46-05:00December 13th, 2016|Fantasy|0 Comments

“The Best Ever” – Barstool Edition

I’m aware that Barstool doesn’t hire journalists, or even qualified talent, but this hyperbole has to stop because it loses all meaning once its used too often. Some Chernin exec must have come in the office and said “the sheeple don’t care if your title is accurate, make it grandiose”. You can click on the image to be taken to their post.

Example 1

Nate is easily the lamest writer of the entire crew. I can spot a Nate title from a mile away because they all have the same shitty Nate feel. I pushed play on the trailer and there was more Zac Efron & the Rock than hot girls which makes me wonder how it could possibly be the “best trailer he’s ever seen.”

Example 2

I’m not going to go out of my way and rip an old war veteran playing the harmonica to the National Anthem but it’s not the best ever. Pres is the King of over-exaggeration which must have been taught to him at a young age. Everything has to be sold as better than it actually is. Eye Herpes. His moon shot off of Hank. Being a Mogul.

Example 3

Dear Jordie, what the fuck are you thinking? I’ve played Crash Bandicoot on PS1 when it first came out. Great game. Maybe top 20 in 1996. No way is this the best news of 2016.

Example 4

Back to back Jordie’s. Pretty sure this isn’t the greatest invention of the day, let alone the year, let alone all of history.

Example 5

Has Rone not heard of 2nd Round Ti.K.O by KFC? I respect Rone’s opinion in Battle Raps, so maybe he could be right that you’re a mean one Mr Grinch is the greatest in history, but I still think you have to consider Rise Pageviews Rise.

Example 6

Once again I haven’t seen that many sitting down bitch slaps so maybe it is. However, the video looks completely fake. Fake content does not equal the greatest in history.

By |2016-12-08T13:16:31-05:00December 8th, 2016|My Brain|1 Comment

What Trivia Has Taught Me About Myself

fergies_pub_phillyThe last few weeks I’ve been playing local trivia at Fergie’s. The questions are reasonably difficult and cover a wide range of topics. The key to winning seems to be having as many people on your team as possible. More brains = More knowledge.

We are a 2 person team and last night we teamed up with 2 other bro’s for the aforementioned reason. As a 4 person team we were competing until the final round which is far better than we usually do.

There are 3 rounds, plus an additional round where you have to answer themed questions on a piece of paper usually in image format. Of these 40 questions, I would say I know 10-15 definitively, could make a reasonable guess at 10, and have no good answer on 10-15. There were 2 answers last night that I knew that no one else on the team knew. As a whole, I’m nice to have around, but not an integral member. Here’s what I know and don’t know:

  • I’m decent: Music, TV, Business, People, Sports, and Movies.
  • I’m below average: History, Religion, the Human Body, Geography, Government, and Science.

The problem is that I may know 50% of the answers to the categories I say I’m good in and 10% of the ones I say I’m bad in. The Rock, my teammate, is far better than me with useless knowledge. If we don’t know an answer, I’ll go with his gut over mine. It makes me feel like a dumb idiot which is why I’m writing this post. I was hoping that there may have been a point as I started writing this post but it never really came. Sorry for that.

By |2016-12-07T09:04:44-05:00December 7th, 2016|My Life|0 Comments

Why People Need to Pay

victorywhitel-300x232I’m in a few fantasy leagues that require dues at the beginning of the season. The commissioner of one league sent out an email today that revealed that 4 people, of a 12 person league, did not pay. I have a problem with this.

I was going to post on the league message board, but I don’t know the entire details to publicly call out people, so I’ll use my blog (which technically is public but about as private as public can be). Here are the reasons why you should pay BEFORE the season starts:

  • If everyone pays before the season starts, there are no financial squabbles at the end of the season.
  • It’s fair by all parties involved.

lebron-james-and-mario-chalmers-argue-during-miami-indianaThat’s it.

Here are the reasons why you shouldn’t wait until the season ends to pay.

  • You can make the argument that you paid at the beginning and start a battle based on your word against the commissioner’s.
  • You aren’t entitled! If everyone pays, you should to.
  • If everyone decided not to pay, it feels like funny money.

Is it the commissioner’s fault or the lazy person’s?

In my lifetime, I’ve been the manager or commissioner of leagues and teams and it sucks. No one should ever want to be in charge of rec or fantasy teams because people are assholes. They’ll forget to pay one week or tell you the check is in the mail, but it’s pure bullshit (Sam you owe me $20 from last night’s bowling you little, Venmo forgetting piece of shit). Is it the commissioner’s job to hunt down people for money? It shouldn’t be. A note should be sent and people should pay it.

6459853_origA possible solution to this would be to say that if you don’t pay by such and such a date, we’ll replace you. If you want to turn the league into a fascist regime you could do this, but it would be so much easier if people paid. The reason why it bothers me is because I paid. My entry fees aren’t in my wallet like the people who are too lazy to pay the bill.

The funny part is that if anyone who hasn’t paid would say, “calm down, stop being a dick.” No. You’re the dick. Does this bother anyone else like it bothers me?

By |2016-12-06T11:56:47-05:00December 6th, 2016|Fantasy|4 Comments

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