About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Almost Holiday

A couple of days off is always nice. I have no plans outside of Thanksgiving dinner with the normal family. I’ve eliminated sports betting from my daily life after hitting the 100 bucks to the red for the season. This is such a nominal amount of money but it’s more about the -EV that comes along with betting. I’m not saying I’ll never bet on another game again, but when I’m sober, I really have no urge for the action. Without watching sports on TV, this leaves me playing poker. I appear to have received a nice cash out curse from stars. I don’t really believe in this but I have seemed to take a turn for the worst. My big pairs don’t hold against small pairs, people hit flushes, dominated hands get me drawing dead on the flop. Standard stuff that everyone who play poker whines about from time to time. I intend to take a break and maybe get into it a bit more when I have a few days off. I satellited into the Sunday Mill through FPP’s on Sunday. I finished an uneventful 2000 out of 8000.
Other than boring gambling nonsense, everything else has been just as boring. The curb’s season finale was certainly good. Sort of makes me want to see them bring Seinfeld back. I thought the Californication was average but Rick Springfield is still entertaining. Dexter had a nice twist at the end which has me looking forward to next week. I’ve confessed to watching Glee before and I’m actually starting to get annoyed with it. They use up the whole show with songs and I think they have run out of story. Quinn is really hot though and even though she’s 18 in the show, I think she’s 23 in real life, so it’s all good.
That’s it. Wish I had something exciting to write about. I’ll have to turn to some rants I’ve been saving up because my life has turned to blah. Till next time.

By |2016-11-02T00:02:07-04:00November 24th, 2009|My Life|1 Comment

No New Business

Not much has changed since my last post. I don’t really have anything of interest to write about but to take the advice of Evan Cohen, it doesn’t really matter what you write about as long as it’s something. To expand, people come to the site because, most likely, they are bored and are looking for something to keep them entertained for a minute or two. If there is not a new post up when the person goes to this site, they are disappointed and will hold it against me because of my lack of attention to this blog. So as long as I write something, anything, people are satisfied. However, to the people who read this, they are sitting there thinking, “why am I wasting my time when all this guy is doing is rambling about how boring he thinks my life must be because I am reading his blog.” I have felt this feeling of boredom that you are experiencing. Basically, you are sitting there, you have nothing to do or maybe you have something to do but you don’t feel like doing it. You’ve already channel surfed and although Saving Silverman is on you’ve seen it countless times and there has to be something more productive to do. So you go to your computer and log into facebook. Sometimes I like to click on one of my friends and then it shows mutual friends, and then I’ll click on my favorite mutual friend and then it brings up more mutual friends and then I repeat the process until I think why the fuck am I wasting my time doing this. Or you click on one of your friends and they are in a photo album but it’s the album of a foreign friend and you click on the pictures and you realize you are slideshowing through pictures of a random persons trip to Italy and once that I happens I just X facebook, put my head in my hands and wonder what has become of me. Anyway, you have for some reason found my page and now I am entertaining you with my mindless drivel. No worries, I’ll give you the lowdown of anything I think is pertinent ranging from gambling to TV to drinking, all of my favorite activities.

To start, my sports betting days have come to a screeching halt. After wagering 350 on Vanderbilt two weeks ago (and winning) i’ve been on a 1-8 slide losing all of that money plus another hundred, bringing my season total to the minus 75 dollars. I could go into detail but it hurts to much to recount. I only made one bet this weekend and it was on Pittsburgh who couldn’t cover. That’s one bet in 2 weeks and I’m hoping to stay away as long as I can.

I’ve been investing my time into poker once again. I bought holdem manager a while back, bought sharkscope, and have re-subscribed to cardrunners. Basically all of this is important to being a winning player. If you play and don’t use these tools, most likely you are not a winning player. To be honest, I invested about a grand in two months with absolutely no return. Losing players blame it on bad luck, but I was honest with myself and knew I had some leaks that I had to plug. Considering I’m writing about it, it’s safe to say I’ve turned the ship around and have been playing what I consider high level poker. I have 3 final tables in 3 days taking 5th, 3rd, and 2nd in 12 dollar 180 man tournaments. I’ve also been playing 16 turbos and 20 dollar HU to round off my tables. In my opinion, I haven’t even been “grinding” long hours but I expect to change if I can keep up this little run.

Quick TV update. Californication is the best show on television. If you don’t watch this show and you like crude sexual humor, you are seriously missing out. The last episode was phenomenal and I’m liking this season much more than the last one with Lou. Becca sort of gets on my nerves but it’s really just an awesome show. The stripper is hot, Felicia is a hot milf, I can’t remember the beat TA’s name (jill?) but this love triangle cracks me up and my wish to be Hank Moody and have all these girls love me while still being an asshole, grows with each episode. Seriously, I come out of this show wondering how I can be more like Hank.

Dexter is sort of building up to the climax which I like. The episodes have been a little slow and the LeGurta-Angel thing is annoying, but John Lithgow is playing a good role and I’m anticipating quality last couple episodes. Wagon and I were cracking up when Lithgow barged into the Asians house and then when they said they were going to call they police, Lithgow was like “don’t be absurd!” Bow-Chicka-Wowow by Masuka was good too.

Curb has been on point. This show is one of my favorite 30 minute times slots of the week. If you don’t watch it you are really being a tard. I feel like they give Jerry this aura of being better than everyone else. When Funkhauser told his joke and Jerry was like “I like him, he’s crazy,” that had me rolling. Even though I think Leon has this mandatory requirement to be funny, which usually bothers me, he plays the part well and actually is hilarious. Just watch the show if you have no clue what I’m talking about.

I’ve been buying these variety pack beers. Yards last week and the halloween Magic hat before that. The thing I’m not taking into consideration is the alcohol content of some of these. I have seen multiple that get into 6-7%. What happens is I’ll drink 12 or so, do a couple shots, and then next thing you know I’ll be blacked out for hours. Last Saturday, I literally can’t remember anything from 10-2. I can only imagine how I act and getting home safely is a miracle. You’d think at my age I would stop clowning around like this but I just never change. Mon-Thurs I don’t drink an act like a normal human being, which is how I want to act. But come Friday and after a couple beers it just becomes a shit show and I try to impress myself with how much alcohol I can consume with no regard to the fact that I’m going to become a puddle. However, this weekend is another opportunity and I will make an attempt to do better. That is all.

By |2016-10-28T15:53:21-04:00November 18th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

A few things

I don’t get the sun visor in the car. When you have the sun beaming straight on at you, it is difficult to see because of the glare. Personally, I’m a squinter. The alternative is to use the sun visor. So they have this enormous visor that you can put down, that covers half your windshield to block the sun. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me this takes driving while barely able to see because of the brightness, to a situation where now I can only see out of half the windshield and am still blinded by the light. I guess you could suggest sunglasses but that’s just another accessory I don’t understand. Sunglasses don’t make me look cool. People like the idea of having other people not being able to look at their eyes while still being able to stare them square in the eye. I have a problem with making eye contact for extended periods of time, so maybe I’m in the market for some shades. For me, after looking into someones eyes for more than a quick glance I get creeped out. I think I may experiment with the subjects around me and see how long other people can make eye contact without shying away. This will force me to hold the gaze. It’s like I’ll be having a staring contest with me being the only one playing. Games by yourself that only have one winner are usually fun.

Another thing when I have to deal with people, when I have a blog and I write down the majority of things that I’m doing or have done, it puts me at a disadvantage in every conversation I go into. If you read this and you try to talk to me and you know I’m having a secret staring contest, then my experiment is going to get false results. It works the same way with topics of conversation. Someone asks me what’s new, I start to talk about something I wrote about in my blog and they stop me mid sentence to tell me that they already know. Just great, like I have a plethora of topics I can turn to to strike up conversation. I run off of a few go to topics that I don’t like to have altered. Maybe I’ll just start making stuff up in this blog to give people the wrong impression so that when I talk to them I can act this alter ego. I can live two lives, normal Tom and then the falsified version who I can create on my own accord. Honestly though, for the amount of people who read this, I’m making way too much of it. I’m mostly just doing it for the enjoyment of this post.

By |2010-01-26T16:20:44-05:00November 5th, 2009|My Brain|1 Comment

So it begins…

This is the first day of being at work by myself for the most part. It’s not like I haven’t done this all by my lonesome before but never for such an extended period of time. I’ve had plenty of people offer to help, which is really nice, but teaching someone how to run things the way I want them done is probably easier with me just doing them. It’s only a month or so of time so I will make out fine.

Jc spent these last weeks or so preparing me with everything that he thought was pertinent through his years and years of experience. Saying goodbye to him yesterday was about as emotional as I get (which isn’t much), knowing that he’s going under the knife and I’m on my own for a little while. It’s not so much emotional as it is the realization that things are changing and I had to take a step back and look at it from a macro perspective. My birthday is in a few days (getting older) and the responsibility of earning a living is entirely on me. My dad spent his life working and putting us through college that I already owe him so much. I need to figure out if selling roofing tools and running the family business, which has been in the family for 5 generations, is what I’m set out to do. There are both good an bad things that go along with the business. For one, there is a pressure to succeed. It’s not like going to work for a corporation where your main objective is to not get fired and hopefully move up the corporate ladder. If this business fails there is no one to blame but yourself. The business environment is harder than ever and your product line has to adapt to the global economy while considering exchange rate issues, other sources, competition and a slew of other things they teach you in books. I can do it, I have no doubt, but it’s a job that requires full effort with little time for other things.

When my dad was 27 he got a brilliant idea that he wanted to travel the country in an RV with one of his buddies. He quit the family business for a 6 months or so, much to the chagrin of his father, and went to mardi gras and then ended up a lumberjack in a northwestern state. He would cut trees then get bombed with the other lumberjacks day after day. This is not what I want to do but it’s the point that sometimes you need to take time off to figure out if what you’re doing is what you want to do.

This brings me to my next question which has me scratching my head and pretty much puts me in fits. How do you invest the money you make so that you can live a more comfortable lifestyle? All I’ve ever done with my money is lose it. Whether it be gambling at casinos, sports betting, online poker, or investing in stocks and mutual funds. If I wasn’t a schmuck with my money I’d probably have tens of thousands more dollars than I have today. What’s done is done though and looking to the future is all you can do. There has to be a happy medium between a nit and a reckless maniac. I know I wouldn’t be happy sitting on my money because their would be no excitement to life. It’s not in my genes. However, blowing cash on stupid games doesn’t float my boat either.

I want to make one final point to this somewhat unusually serious post. I have the inability to get emotionally attached to anything. I don’t care about things the way other people do. People are die hard Phillies fans and can’t think about anything else but baseball. They love their team and will defend them to the death. I think the game is painfully slow and boring and the end result is basically meaningless. I don’t get caught up in the hype because I can think for myself. If I put a grand on the game, then I’d be rooting for them but I have nothing in my mind or body that attracts me to liking the Phillies. Point being, making (easy) money is one of the only things that gets me excited. Without a possibility of financial gain, I don’t feel emotional towards anything. I don’t cry at weddings. Sad movies aren’t sad. I don’t care about my birthday. I get pissed when the person who used all the water in the Brita didn’t refill last night, but I can look past that quickly. I don’t really do relationships because I care too much about myself and my own issues and don’t want to bring anyone in. The thing is, I’m not unhappy. I wouldn’t do it any other way. I have qualities to myself that make me me. Yes I squander money on strippers, booze, and gambling. I feel like if I went to a therapist they would say, “You’re 26, it’s time to settle down, find a nice girl, and start a family.” I’d think, “Ugh, halt all the fun.” You don’t get younger and the time to do stupid things is fleeting. I’ve done a tremendous amount of stupid things that you would think I would have learned all there is to know. As motion city soundtrack says, The Future Freaks Me Out.

By |2010-07-08T00:57:42-04:00November 4th, 2009|My Brain|0 Comments

Hiatus

My dad is having a spinal fusion on Wednesday of next week. He’ll be recovering for 4-6 weeks and during that time he is not allowed to work. I will be in charge of most if not all the business decisions for that time span. I know this is probably scary for those that know me but rest assured I do know what I’m doing. This is going to put a heavy work load on me for the next little while. It will also be a good test to see what I’m made of and how successfully I can steer the ship.

This blog however will be moved to the back burner. I know I have been averaging about a post a week but you can expect even less. I see the amount of people who read this and these aren’t major numbers so I don’t think I could really be disappointing that many. I’ll still update from time to time depending on how good of an entry will be but I figured I would let the dedicated readers know what to expect.

By |2010-01-26T22:16:21-05:00October 30th, 2009|My Brain|0 Comments

Pitt and JN*G

I haven’t been updating this because I don’t write when I’m away and I’m not going to write about the same stuff I’ve wrote about previously.

I went to Pitt on Thursday for a long weekend because it was homecoming. I vowed to never go back after the last time I was there. It was my first time going back there in 3 years, so that is about the length of time I needed to clear my head of bad memories. For the people who don’t know why I never want to go back here’s a snapshot. n14214687_32338810_7773
I’ve told the story plenty of times but I was fucked up off of Jack and cokes and started to run down the sidewalk only to trip, face plant into the curb, and then to add insult to injury get a public drunkenness from the pitt police. It cost me 1100 dollars, 2 root canals, and a 350 dollar fine from Pitt. So I went into this trip with my sole purpose to avoid trouble.

I stayed with my brother Jeff and I’m proud to say that he’s holding down the Stortz name. I walk into his apt and there’s a hole in the apt building put there by his roommate who decided to spiderwalk? by putting his hands and feet on both sides of the wall and ended up going through. (I think that’s right). So we get some beer and start drinking. He likes The Office and It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia so we watched them and then went to the bar. I find the two shows to be overrated. I don’t think they are bad but not the best I’ve seen. His roommates were trying to claim 30 rock is a good show but after watching one episode, it’s not. We got some Tequila shots at the bar and I saw some youngin’s who I knew and some old heads I went to school with. Pretty standard night.

Wake up on Friday at 11 or so, drink a beer, have lunch with big Steve where we had 3 pints. Then at 4 it was time to play bball (somewhat drunk). I had my Pitt id so that was easy enough getting in. I ended up losing it so I think that is symbolism for my next return. I want to give Jeff’s roommate Steve some respect for picking me up on his team after we lost and then actually saying I was part of his 5 after other people were looking to play. This seems to me commonplace for people to just pick up the best available players but he showed some loyalty. After bball I showered and had some beers then met up with some people I went to school with. It was pretty standard go to the bar, have some drinks, and bullshit, then go home. Nothing out of line.

Woke up on Sat, bought a case of Winter Lager and stared drinking. Jeff brought out a Hookah and I ate this delicious brownie. After an hour or two, I think the combination of the tobacco from the Hookah and the brownie put me out. It’s a weird thing, I don’t really ever smoke tobacco aside from the occasional cigar but I think I inhale way to much of the smoke and it tends to make me nauseous. So I passed out at 2:30 till about 5 and then woke up and drank a few beers. I watched my friends band play and than shaded back to Oakland to call it a night. I didn’t do anything too retarded the entire trip and then I drove back safely the next day. All in all it was a tame trip. I’m not sure if it was because I’m getting older or I didn’t want to find myself out of control in a city I hadn’t been to in 3 years. I didn’t rail any 19 years olds or get arrested or anything out of ordinary so don’t bother asking.

Some side notes. I had money riding on FSU, Pitt and Miss which were all winners. I went 3-3 on Sunday but my 3 wins were all bigger bets than the 3 losses. And I made 125 on the game last night. This puts me at +65 dollars after 7 weeks of the football season. All in all it’s pretty good for me. Problem is I have hundreds of dollars in my account and the more money that’s in there the bigger the bets get. I’ll keep the gambling situation updated. Also, I joined cardrunners again to try to win in poker. I’ve been on a real ugly downswing since I started 2 months ago and I’m trying to plug some leaks. Once I start to win again I’m sure I’ll write more about it.

I wanted to take this last paragraph and devote it to Jeff. Just to preface, I’m the oldest brother and I set the precedent for everyone below me. This means that they have goals to work towards and know how hard they have to work. Jeff is pretty much a better runner than me. He was 16:21 in a 5k and I was 17:30 something this year plus all his Pr’s are better. He is definitely a better shooter in bball which puts him ahead because we are probably similar in defense in rebounding (he might be a bit soft under the boards and people get terrified when they step in my house of pain). He dominates in GH. (except compared to Sam) I probably can drink more so that would be a good challenge. Although the best part is that he gets just as fucked up as I do so that always leads to entertainment. Basically he’s growing up to be a better me. I’m honored he’s a Stortz and I look forward to many years of debauchery.

By |2010-01-21T00:34:52-05:00October 27th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

10/20

I watched the Goonies because I thought it was a movie that I should just know about. There are all kinds of these movies that people talk about and if you’ve never seen them you just feel like a dope. I put the Goonies in this mix just because you hear about it from time to time. Basically this movie is horrendous. What a waste of an hour of a half. The bad guys weren’t. The kids were annoying and the plot was retarded. The fat kid Chunk loves Sloth? How does the Mom give birth to Sloth? Chunk you just met Sloth how can you possibly love him. The whole thing was dumb but most likely because I’m about 10 years older than the target age group.

Californication is nearly the best series on television. Hank acts like a dick and all the girls swoon. He’s got a 23 year old stripper, a beat looking TA and a 40 something milf. Runkle is owning the show and I’m just really entertained with each episode. If you don’t watch this show you really are missing out.

Evan and I bet the over in the Phils game last night which was set at 8.5. I know it’s really sad but I could care less about the Phillies and if I have money on the line I’m rooting for the bet. Rollins saved the bet and got the Phils a W so that was good all around. The thing about the Phillies is that I’m not going to be a bandwagon fa(n)g. I didn’t root for them during the season and I’m certainly not going to start going crazy because they are probably going to the World Series. I’ll enjoy watching the games but I have no rooting interest. People who jump on the Band Wagon are what Holden Caulfield would call phonies. These are the worst types of people and cannot be trusted. If you are behind your team when they blow, then this is your time to cherish. I personally don’t get emotionally attached to sports teams, but that’s just me. I actually find it hard to get emotionally attached to anything because the rollarcoaster to me is not worth it. Flat and boring for me.

By |2016-10-27T22:28:55-04:00October 20th, 2009|Tv|0 Comments

Nothing Doing

I have nothing going on. I haven’t posted in a while but it’s because nothing is happening. I’ve been playing poker and betting on sports unsuccessfully but it’s not enough money to make it really mean anything. It’s basically a form of entertainment that consumes time. I’m reading a John Grisham book and i’m sure that’s news everyone’s dying to know. I have to catch up on Califonication and Dexter, but I’ll that today, so I’ll be caught up on all my shows. I dvr’d St Elmo’s Fire, ET, The goonies, and I still want to get Sling Blade and Apocalypse Now so that will occupy some time. I’m getting lazy in going to the gym and I hate the cold. I’m not in a bad or good mood, just passing the time waiting for something to happen. Obviously I should / could make something happen but as of now I’m content doing nothing. Bad post, I know. Usually Monday’s are my least creative days and I think it shows. I’ll think of something for tomorrow.

By |2016-11-02T00:02:23-04:00October 19th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Can you see the real me DR?

This is my first post in more than a week so I’ll fill the people who read this on what I’ve been doing lately. I was in Tampa from Mon of last week till Thursday. I went there for a sheet metal roofing show. I went there by myself and stayed with a guy who was exhibiting at the show. On Mon, there was a company who was hosting a deep sea fishing trip and we were invited. It was the first time I ever had a chance to really catch something and wound up catching 3 fish including a grouper (when I use the terminology ((wrong spelling?)) it makes it seem like I know what I’m talking about). It was actually pretty easy you just hook the bait, drop the line, and wait til the idiot fish catches itself. I had a couple of beers and then we went to a part of Tampa called Eybor. It was pretty dead on a Monday but they had a lot of cigar bars and a mix of crowd from homeless, to grunge, to trance, to fag. I drank a Cuban coffee and smoked a Cuban cigar while there. It was not really my kind of area but I could see how getting wasted and bar hopping would be fun.

Tuesday, the show started so I did that deal for the day. Then we went to an open bar hosted by a magazine afterwards. I pounded 4 Boston lagers in 15 minutes and then we met 3 random bros who ran a multi-million dollar company and spur of the moment decided to go to a first class steak house. These guys we met were real herb-rednecks with engineering backgrounds. Just to give you an idea, they were from Oregon and the one guy owned 50 guns, not to mention he shot a squirrel and then cooked and ate it. The steakhouse we went to was called Bern’s and it really was awesome. The meal was around 75 bucks but that included the steak and some sides so it wasn’t too bad. We got a tour of the kitchen and the wine cellar, which was claimed as the largest privately owned collection. Then we had dessert in this upstairs section with waitresses that were all dimes. After that we had some drinks at the hotel and called it a night.

Wednesday was another day of the show. I woke up at 8:30 and went for a run around Tampa. I honestly love the weather. Waking up early and it being 80 degrees and perfect is my type of weather. After the run I went to the Marriott’s pool and swam for a while. I was all sweaty and it says to shower before going in the pool but I never understood that because I thought that’s what chlorine is for. After that I did the show and we went to another open bar hosted by another company. I think I drank like 10 lagers and then when it closed at 10 switched to straight crown. With a pretty good buzz going I decided that this was my last night and someone told me I should visit Mons Venus. When I’ve had a lot to drink I tend to wander off by myself. So I took a cab to 2001 (which is across the street) and let the party begin. Literally within 30 seconds some fine ass broad convinces me into the backroom. I’m a huge sucker in strip clubs and I think the girls can smell it. Anyway it’s 5 bucks to get in the back and then 25 for a dance that last 2-3 minutes. They are fully topless and bottomless (so they can’t serve alcohol at the bar) and all 8’s or better. This girl is trying to sell me on a 200 buck spaceship ride or 400 for a blastoff where your guess is as good as mine. I figure I’ve only been there 5 minutes and should at least get some bang for my buck. I humor 3 or 4 other girls and get lap dances. One girl, my true love, had the prettiest face and slamming body and if she wasn’t a stripper I think I’d make her my wife Borat style. She told me that there was absolutely no sex in the club no matter what the girls will say. Unfortunately my true love gave the worst lap dance ever but it was OK. I know after reading this I should have some great ending to the story but all I really did was leave and go back to the hotel.

Thursday went quick. I went to the airport. Drank 4 tall beers of Bass and had 2 shots of Johnnie Walker Black at Chile’s and then boarded the plane. I think I snore after I drink a lot so I hope I didn’t while I passed out on the plane. I forgot to write that Jamie Moyer was on my flight going to Tampa. On the way back I was stuck between a dyke and a fatso so I was better off zonked out.

That was the Tampa Trip. Here I am on Tuesday, sitting at work at 5:26 surrounded by lots of work. My dad has a pinched nerve in his spine and is having surgery on Nov 4th. This puts me in the captains chair at work for a while which is going to be stressful. I’ve learned alot since I’ve started and will get good experiencing running the show.

I’ve spent the last few days getting bombed and gambling on sports. I ended up losing whatever roll I had this weekend so that would mean I’m down 250 on the football season. This equates to 50 bucks a week which may sound like a lot, but it does hold it’s entertainment value. I hit a dinger in softball on Saturday because I hit it over this hermaphrodites head in right center. I went to Club Risque on Saturday to blow some more cash and now I’m sitting sober for the next couple days recovering from my 7 day bender. I drank each day for the past 7 days and made multiple poor decisions including a power hour on Saturday at 4pm. Good thing is though that I made it through and am ready for what next week has to offer. A final point, if your life is as entertaining as mind and isn’t costing you a fortune, let me know, because I’ll be living on the streets in no time at this rate.

FYI for your music noobs, the title of this post is from a Who song that everyone should listen too. (The real me)

By |2010-07-08T00:57:36-04:00October 13th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments
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