We Don't Walk Slow

RnningFool’s Running Group in Philly

CK4 and I like to think of ideas about what type of business to start. Say I want to start a running network within Manayunk. I create a webpage and tell people that I’m looking to train for some race and anyone who wants to run with the elite Tom Stortz can do so. So I start small, maybe get a few people who just need something to do. Then I start growing with more members because I create a forum on my website and actively participate. As we grow I start expanding the area outside of Manayunk. Next thing you know, I’ve created a network of people who like to run, they like me because I’m awesome, and they come to my website because I keep people up to date on new shoes, places to run, good dieting, etc. Now I have tons of people coming to my website and I start selling ads to runner’s world and the like and now I’ve created a business with the simple idea of giving people information. Plus everybody would make guest shout outs in my blog and I’d stay in great shape like always. Who wants to go running with me?

Now just to go one step further on my running bio. My time of 60:15 two years ago in the Broad Street run was good for 170th or so out of 25,000. I got 3rd place in last year’s Philly Mud Run out of 1,500. I did the Half Marathon in 1:19 something which was probably my best effort. I recently broke my ankle but am mostly healthy now. I have horrible feet that blister up so a half marathon is about the extent of my mileage. I’m ready to start going on longer runs and getting in shape for the Sea Isle 10 miler. I will also be doing Phils 5k. I’m a great running partner who knows time for talking and time for running. The main problem would be the pace as not everyone is at my level but if money is involved, I can make the situation work.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:41:37-04:00May 18th, 2011|Running|1 Comment

Chuck Klosterman’s 23 Questions – Question 5

5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear—for the rest of your life—sound as if it’s being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

This one is a little tricky for me. I can’t stand the way Alice and Chains sound. I think all of their songs sound the same and I really have clue how people find them so great. So telling me that every single song I’m going to hear for the rest of my life is going to sound like them is a bit disturbing. Almost too much to handle. I really enjoy music and this would essentially eliminate listening to music for pleasure and turn any song into a torture session.

Knowing this, I have to put a lot of emphasis on “soul mate”. Do people really believe there is a soul mate out there specifically designed for you? People who get married find their soul mate… Yeah right. Case in point, people who were high school sweet hearts are really soul mates? You mean that out of the 6 billion people on this Earth, your soul mate just happened to be put right in your location where you went to school? Not very likely. I think there are probably plenty of soul mates out there and ruining music for my life doesn’t seem like a realistic sacrifice. If every song would be to the Beatles tune, I’d probably have a different opinion but Alice in Chains really bother me. I’ve forgone the wrench idea but I wouldn’t wish harm on anyone.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:28:19-04:00May 18th, 2011|Books|2 Comments

Bayou, Kildares, and some mindless thoughts

Ck4 and I went to the Bayou yesterday for their 10 cent wings. They had a message on the table that said we will be adding 18% gratuity on every bill which is actually a loss to them because we would tip more. After thinking about why they are putting that message on their tables I came to the conclusion, people are cheapskates. I can already imagine people coming in, ordering water and then buying dozens and dozens of wings and leaving no tip. I think it’s pathetic to be completely honest. They are already giving away their wings to try to draw crowds on a Monday and Tuesday, the least you can do is be appreciative and leave them a generous tip or buy some beers. I find the wings to be borderline horrible by the way and think they are worth about 10 cents. I’ve found one or two that was literally just the bone. After that we met with Jess and Meghan at Kildare’s for some trivia. My biggest problem with Kildare’s trivia is that it’s cumulative. Meaning that if you miss round one, you shouldn’t bother playing because you can’t win over the course of 5 rounds. The way Fireside does it round by round is much better. Jess was pretty good at words that start and end in L but I have to look at her funny when she thinks I should know the name of the cult of Charles Manson followers. She was doing the Ck4 catch-phrase action of “cmon, cmon” you can think of it. How could she have any idea my knowledge on serial killers and their cults? I also think it’s funny I can offend people by telling them I’m not a Phillie’s fan. If there was a team in baseball and there was a gun to my head, I’d say I like the Phillies out of the other MLB teams but here’s the thing, I don’t like baseball. I find the sport slow, boring, and uneventful and therefore have no interest. I’ll go to games from time to time but it’s just for the experience and not because I care about the team. I personally feel that way about all professional sports.

A few things that I’m just going to write about real quick because people have one way of looking at things and I have another.

On Sunday when they told us we couldn’t play golf because of the lightning, CK4 said he wouldn’t chance it. I would have chanced a lightning strike. Unless I could physically see the bolts coming down in my vicinity, I think the probability of getting struck is slim. I’m a real bad ass I know.

When Bud was driving to golf he said he wouldn’t change lanes in the middle of an intersection and I would definitely do it. Unless a cop was in the intersection, I disregard that law.

I also disregard straight and dashed lines. I see no reason why I can’t switch lanes because a line is straight or dashed. An example is tunnel driving where they have straight lines. If someone is going slow through the tunnel I shouldn’t be forced to drive behind them because the way a line is painting. It’s a big picture thing of viewing authority.

Also it bothers me when a traffic light goes from red to green and the first person just takes their good ole time getting through the light. I get it buddy, you are going to make it through the light no matter what but what about the 10 people behind you, show some common courtesy.

I also had a bum ask me for a sandwich?!? at D&D and I was like “no.” I gave him a buck instead because I wasn’t going through the process of asking what sandwich he wanted and it would have totaled more then a dollar anyhow.

By Tom Stortz|2011-05-18T08:17:53-04:00May 18th, 2011|My Life|3 Comments

Re-Organization

This will be post 644 of rnningfool.com. I notice that some of my better posts just get hidden away in the archives so I’m going to do a little clean up and try to create better categories and make things a bit more specific then just life and thoughts. After today the Shee will just get buried as another post but it’s up to me to have these posts live on. I intend to have a major re-organization and most likely a makeover. If anyone ever has any suggestions or thoughts on improvement, I’m happy to listen.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:42:26-04:00May 17th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

The Shee

I’ve decided to choose the Shee for my second player biography. I feel like these turn more into a psychological analysis of the person rather then my dissection of their abilities on our softball team. Basically it’s me nitpicking a person’s strengths and weaknesses and pointing them out in my blog. Baker told me that he thought his was relatively accurate so I’ll see what I can do with the Shee. I also can only do people that I know well because I really write what I believe is accurate and I need to have spent a decent amount of time with the person. Here you go Shee, this is your moment in the limelight.

The name the Shee is derived from Addashee, which has some back story that I’m not 100% familiar with. The more recent nickname has been “Bro” because to him everyone gets called Bro, so it came full circle. The Shee has been part of almost all teams except our basketball team which he just likes saying no to when I ask him. At this point it’s almost a running gag because he has this mentality that since I didn’t ask him to play on the very first team we put together, I didn’t want him on the team and now he just sticks it to me every time I ask. He has been a member of our softball, football, and even the sole season of volleyball.

The Shee has been known for his blazing speed around the base paths and burning defenders on long bombs in football. Just kidding, the Shee has lead feet but that doesn’t stop him from being extremely effective anywhere on the field. I want to point out that it won’t matter what type of compliment I give, he’ll always think I’m being sarcastic. So that last line of extremely effective, he’ll read that as “a waste of space” and think I’m completely writing that just to be nice. However there is truth to what I write. Even though he’s not the fastest or the strongest (he’s been on an all protein diet that has him jacked up beyond your wildest imagination), he plays the games intelligently. I’m telling you that the Shee is fundamentally sound and knows how to play games well. Aside from striking out in slow pitch softball, in the 2nd to final at bat of the game, in a much needed win for the team, I can’t think of many more errors.

The Shee is our defensive lineman for football and has the much acclaimed tip the QB’s pass up to yourself interception in the championship game last season. His creative blitz scheme of calling out a number to let the defense (and offense) know if he’s blitzing or not shows the leadership position he’s willing to undertake. He’s like a Steve Largent at wide receiver with the ability to rely on route running to get open opposed to speed. He sometimes takes my cleats and forgets to return them.

I think the Shee will agree that his volleyball game is probably the most impressive out of any sports we play. This is a game I really don’t find that much fun and almost refuse to play but Adam is definitely one of the best players I’ve seen play considering he can jump about 6 inches off the ground. He has a good serve and a good knack for the ball. His softball ability is pretty solid and we are going to get to see him pitch a complete game in about 2 week so I’m definitely looking forward to that. We saw him get some action at the hot corner a few weeks ago error free. He made one off line throw last week that I would have gotten if it had just been a bit more accurate…

This is my real favorite paragraph to write because you’ll get my inside look on other things than just sports. I will completely admit the Shee is the best Scattergories player of the group. I’m sure Evan will read this and disagree but his answers are usually legit (unlike Evan’s) and he’s probably the best at the doubles. He’s also the best dancer of our group, which isn’t really saying much but noteworthy for him being white and Jewish. His golf game is coming along and I haven’t seen many club slams this year which means that his focus and game management should be improving. He’ll probably think his poker game is the best too but I beg to differ, stats in 2006 don’t correlate to today. I’d say the Shee also gets ridiculed a fair amount but it’s because he makes it really easy on himself. Bake tends to keep “the bro” grounded with tasteful shots here and there. Also he’s our insider in the rap/hip hop music to keep us white people up to date with “hot” and “fire” music. I have plenty of stories about the Shee but I’ll save them for another time.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:58:36-04:00May 17th, 2011|My Brain|2 Comments

Schwarzenegger Stiffs Staff

I really have little interest in this story and to write how Arnold had a kid out of wedlock with a nanny means nothing to me. This happened over 10 years ago and it wasn’t even while he was in office. A divorce from Maria Schriver makes sense to me and that’s really all I have to write about. However I do want to critique his statement because it struck me as the perfect way to handle this situation.

“I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

“I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time,” the statement concluded. “While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.”

The publicist or whichever media monkey came up with this statement deserves everything they are being paid for. The first key is taking full responsibility, he isn’t making any excuses for banging the whore. He then apologizes to his family and says he’s sorry. Whether he means it or not isn’t important because it’s all down on paper. Next he asks for the media to leave his family out of this, what is going to become a huge charade of attention and that it should be diverted towards him and he will handle it accordingly. Picture perfect.

I have never really had any feeling towards Arnold in one way or another. I think his ability to get elected Governor of one of our most important states really says something about his abilities. He may not have been perfectly qualified for the position but I bet he did the best he could in a situation that is nearly impossible. I think his movies are all second rate except for Terminator and the Predator, and even that’s being generous. Arnold, you banged a slut and didn’t have Plan B on site, shame on you and now the cat’s out of the bag.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T16:01:32-04:00May 17th, 2011|Celeb|0 Comments

A post for the masses

Even though I spent way more time on the below post I know not everyone cares about music and will be disappointed with just that post so I’m going to write a bunch of gibberish that should satisfy your appetite. My family, Nicole, Laura, Brookes, and a few of their friends went out to the Belgian Cafe at 21st and Green in Philly. It was Laura’s Bday and she didn’t know everyone was going to be there so it was an interesting surprise. I was there early and they sat the 3 of us a table for 10 people so Laura sort of saw the surprise coming. The restaurant had about 100 different bottled beers a few different ones on tap which was a nice change of taste. I even liked my steak which was pretty good and the potatoes and corn were a fine complement. Everything went smoothly and conversation was decent although I find that with parties over say 6 make conversation difficult, I thought it went smoothly. I know this is kind of half assed but I’ll try to make a better post in the morning when I’m thinking better.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:42:15-04:00May 16th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

Gusto’s Top 25 Bands – 25-21

25. Kings of Leon

There was discussion as to whether or not KOL has been around long enough to really be a top 25 band and truth is they started in 1999 out of Mt. Juliet, Tennessee. In a little known fact the group consists of 3 brothers (Caleb, Nathan and Jared) and their cousin (Michael). They are going to be one of the youngest bands on the list. I personally don’t believe they deserve this high of a ranking but there is little doubt they are going to be around for a long time producing singles. Their album Only by the Night, released in 2008 is where they gained notoriety here in the US. Sex on Fire, Notion, and Use Somebody were the most popular songs. Other recent hits have been Radioactive and Pyro. I find their songs to be a tad similar sounding if that makes sense.

24. Green Day

Green day is comprised of front man and guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong, bassist Mike Dirnt, and drummer Tre Cool. Dookie was one of the first CD’s I ever purchased and I listed to every track on their dozens of times. Dookie was released in 1994 and sold over 10 million copies. Some of their other more popular albums were Kerplunk!, Nimrod, Insomniac, Warning and American Idiot. 21st Century Breakdown is an album I’ve never listened to. In my opinion this band has way better songs and then KOL and is probably more deserved of the 24 spot. Songs likes Basket Case, Longview, Welcome to Paradise, She, When I Come Around, Holiday, Jesus of Suburbia, She, Minority, I can go on an on and I’m not even an enormous Green Day fan.

23. Queen

Queen are a British rock band formed in London in 1971, originally consisting of Freddie Mercury (lead vocals, piano), Brian May (guitar, vocals), John Deacon (bass guitar), and Roger Taylor (drums, vocals). Freddie Mercury died in 1991 due to a complication with the Aids virus. The band has released 15 albums with Queen and Queen II being their debuts. Monster hits include Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now, We Will Rock You, The Show Must Go On, Under Pressure, We Are the Champions, Somebody to Love, Killer Queen, Another One Bites the Dust, and I Want to Break Free. I particularly like the song Flash. I’m pretty sure these 10 songs are enough to make this band a top 25 band of all time. Probably even way higher than spot 23.

22. Jim Croce

This is sort of a weird one and I’m sure most people have never even heard of Jim Croce. Strangely, I’ve actually listened to a few of his more popular songs and even kind of like them. To have Jim Croce up this high is sort of a slap in the face to Queen in my opinion. He debuted in 1966 and was finished in 1973 which makes longevity an issue. However, songs like Speedball Tucker, Operator, Time in a bottle, I got a name, Bad Bad Leroy Brown, You Don’t Mess Around with Jim and I’ll have to say I love you in a song are all classics. With only 6 albums I think this is way to generous of an all time rating. Good artist, not top 25.

21. Pink Floyd

This is a band that I really like and probably can’t appreciate nearly as much as I should. I don’t understand the brilliance behind their music and how difficult it is to play. However I do have a place in my heart for listening to Dark Side of the Moon plenty of times which being under some influence. They were founded in 1965 and obviously Dark Side, Wish You Were Here and the Wall were their most famous albums. They have so many awesome songs like Breathe, Time, Hey You, Money, Comfortably Numb, Another Brick In the Wall (Part 2), Brain Damage, Learning to Fly, and Goodbye Blue Sky which I really recommend. There are so many songs that I haven’t listened to that I’m sure I’m not even close to naming all the good ones. Another band way to low at 21. Probably in my top 15.

By Tom Stortz|2011-05-24T23:10:45-04:00May 16th, 2011|Music, Top 25 Best Bands|0 Comments

Finishing the Weekend

I’m just going to pick up exactly where I left off on Saturday night. I have been using the word exactly way too much to just agree with everyone. It makes other people feel good about what they are saying to me when I’m agreeing 100% using the word “exactly”. Anyway, after golf I played a 1v1 beer pong, best of 7 series, with Gusto. Just to give a quick update on how Ck4 and I play beer pong in the fairest, purest form possible. No bouncing, no leaning, no death cup, the cup doesn’t count if it reverse bounces in your cup, there is only one re-rack and you can use it anytime but no power I. The power I is an unfair rack and I really don’t care about any argument to defend it. The Triangle is the 3 cup rack and you don’t want the triangle for fear of making the first cup. There really isn’t an awful cup to make for the I, the middle obviously but it’s still in a straight line which is better then the back two, thus making the I unfair. The only nuance to the game we play is bringing it back and you get a shot at redemption from both players where if the first player misses, the 2nd player could technically still tie the game making 6 straight shots. Getting that out of the way, I beat Gusto in the best of 7 in 6 games in a pretty fun series. 1v1 beer pong is the very best drinking game from a fun factor because there is no waiting in line and you start to find the groove to the game.

After that we went to Jess and Meghan’s for a few drinks and then went to Kildares for the night. A side note, Bake went 8 for 8 in flip cup and if he was Chad I’m sure he would want me to point that out. Kildare’s had a decent crowd and I only have one real highlight when Gusto was talking to two girls and I happily tried to win over one of the two. After telling the one girl she looked like Sara Bareilles

which I didn’t really think was an insult but the only reason I told her that was because her nose was really big at the bridge but she couldn’t have possibly known that was what I meant. Also I bet not many people even know who Sara Bareilles even is. I think she’ s reasonably attractive enough to use this line just to point out. Anyway, she wasn’t the girl I was even trying to talk to, I had her friend but I was running some ok game and then I hit a nerve when I started talking about her tattoos. She basically thought that I was talking down to her and that pissed her off and left me wondering what I did wrong. It reminded me of the time I pissed a girl off because I was asking about her baby and if it was a nuisance and she didn’t like me much either. Jkash also doesn’t forget the time I told this one girl she looked like Snooki which proved to not be such a complement. After Kildare’s, Gusto and I listened to some Neil Young and numerous other classics until I went to sleep at 3 or so. I know I still haven’t gone through Gusto’s top 25 best bands of all time but I’m getting around to it as the list evolves.

I awoke at 7am, showered, went back to sleep until 8:30 and then I had to wake up for some volunteer work that I agreed to do with Bake, JKash, and the Shee. In moments of kindness that I’m going to point out, both Bake and the Shee thought enough of me to bring me some form of breakfast which I engulfed. The volunteering was for the Ronald McDonald House and it was a contest of sorts where teams had to go through different obstacles and get a time. Jkash and my obstacle were two big feet that 3 people had to stand on and go out and back around a cone. Technically we just made up that they had to go up and back and we weren’t given any instruction on how to run the obstacle, we just were “trying to look official.” Before we left Jkash said I should get a pic using this line “Excuse me, Mr. McDonald, could I trouble you for a picture.” Here it is.

We decided to go to Limekiln at 3:30 for a round of golf which I should have just opted out due to feeling lousy and running on no sleep. I fell asleep on the ride there and was just trying to get through the round without incident. After carding back to back 10’s with hitting 8 shots in bunkers, my round was shot. There is nothing worse then blowing up the round on hole number 3. Fortunately for me there was some lightning and we were forced to stop after 9 which was really a scam because they started letting people play again 10 minutes after we left. A really poor job by Limekiln and I don’t really have a problem never giving them business again. After that I went to sleep at 6:30 pm and woke up this morning at 7. I woke up at 2am and took a shit but other then that my body needed some serious rest and I’m feeling much better today. I’ve got about 5 posts in the queue and should be able to fill up this blog with entries in no time. It’s also my sisters b-day so Happy Birthday Laura! This blog will be like me writing it on facebook where all the posers come out to fake celebrate your birthday.

By Tom Stortz|2011-05-24T23:25:16-04:00May 16th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments

Short Saturday Entry

We dominated our softball game 15-0 against a team that would lose to little leaguers. Their first pitcher literally rolled a pitch to Chad. It was a really a mockery of the league. In other news, Chad, Bud, and I played golf at Turtle Creek on a relatively ugly day. We finished the round in under 4 hours which was really nice. I was 93 with a 41 on the back which was pretty good. I had about 6 or so penalty strokes on the front which put me behind a bit. Bud managed a 15 on a hole which was pretty spectacular. His first 5 shots went OB. Other than that though last night was pretty decent with Greengenes playing at Mad River. I managed to get back safely and everything with the night was pretty entertaining. No real spectacular stories though. Just wanted to give a Saturday post which I suspect is better then nothing.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-01T23:41:11-04:00May 14th, 2011|My Life|0 Comments