About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Burning

Last night I went to sleep really early and woke up in the middle of the night. I went running earlier in the day and that makes my feet dry and cracked. I remember feeling uncomfortable with my feet, so I put on some Goldbond foot cream. IcyHot is what this cream / moisturizer reminds me of. So after I put the stuff on, I put on socks because I can’t walk around barefoot after applying the cream, and I groggily go to the bathroom and take a piss. I was wearing mesh shorts so I just lowered the shorts with my left hand and my sac must have touched my hand because when I went back to bed my nuts were burning like hell. Talk about an unpleasant time trying to go to sleep. I know that this cream is like that too because I’ve also experienced it when I used the stuff the night before (didn’t wash my hands) then put my contacts in the next day and my eyes were burning and watering for an hour. I know this isn’t a very good story but the lesson is that whenever you put on any cream, you have to wash your hands immediately after. You’d think this would be common knowledge but I think I’m just lazy sometimes. I also would like to add that I think it’s necessary to wash your hands after every bathroom session. When I take a piss, my hands always touch my dick in some way or another because I’m a believer in aiming into the bowl. Now I know some people have no concept of this and will get it all over everywhere, most likely because they don’t grab hold and aim. Sometimes I feel like you don’t need to wash after taking a shit because if you think about it, the only thing making contact with your asshole is the toilet paper, thus leaving your hands scot free. The only other thing of interest was that I had a dream about some test in a Meteorology course that I didn’t study for and I woke up in a panic and then quickly realized I haven’t had to study for anything in 5 years. I probably could go into further detail on everything in this post but it’s probably better I don’t.

By |2010-08-18T10:31:32-04:00August 18th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Feeling Good

I took the day off to go golfing at Talmore Country club with Weller and CK4 and I enjoy days like these like no other. First off, I wake up completely sober and feeling good which differs from every weekend. Plus I know that it turns it into a 4 day work week which is also nice. Finally, I imagine this is how people who are independently wealthy live their life. They wake up in the morning, do what they have to do, play a round of golf and just enjoy the day. Day’s like these are what I would like to have as part of my repertoire.

I’m going to go through my round hole by hole so just stop reading if you don’t like golf. I decided to keep the big stick in the bag today and just try to stay in play. I hit my 3rd shot on a par 4 from 75 yards to two feet to par the 1st. I was back green in two on the 2nd hole and made bogey. 3rd whole I was errant but found it and made bogey. Par 3 4th I was on and made par. The 5th I hit a rocket of a drive but hit my 2nd OB and ended up making bogey. Bogey on 6 and then a triple on 7 when I hit a PW 145 over the green into some bushes. I played 8 and 9 in regulation for pars on both and a 42 front. Fine drive on 10, nice approach shot on and a dreaded 3 putt birdie opp for bogey. 11 I hit a bad 2nd shot into some marsh greenside, bad chip, 3 putt for a double. 12 was a par 3 that I hit on and pared. 13 was a hard par 5 that I made bogey on but misplayed with a poor 2nd shot. 14 was a par 3 that I should have parred if I could chip but made bogey. I played 15 in regulation for a par. 16 I was long behind the green and made a 7 which could have been better. 17 I made bogey but a good chip would have given me a good chance at par. 18 I hit a drive onto another holes fairway and hit a 2nd shot to a green side water. I dropped and ended up making bogey for a nice 88 and my best round of the year so far. It’s pretty obviously that I play better when I’m sober and I was happy to play well on a nicer course.

After golf I called XM and got them to charge me $60 dollars for 6 months of service instead of $212 for a year. I just called and told them that it isn’t fair that they give their promotions to new customers when their existing customers have to pay full price. Then I said what happens if I cancel my service and what’s going to happen? You are going to send me notices at a reduced rate to get me back so you might as well just give me the better rate now.

After that I ran to the track and did 3 miles at 5:49 pace and a couple of quarters after that and then 6 minutes of a stair workout. I bought some new shoes that are wider and they really are more comfortable and I wonder why I haven’t been wearing wider shoes for years. I also signed up for the ING Distance Run which commits me to doing it and gives me about a month to get in half marathon shape. I can probably finish 6 or 7 at 6:00 pace which is my goal pace, but I’m a ways away from finishing 13 at that pace. I just need to keep myself running daily and not taking days off from being too wasted.

I really feel good about things and I’m hoping to get a grip on my life and rectify some mistakes I’ve been making like drinking too much and throwing away money. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here and I’m hoping things will improve for the better for myself. I’m also going to attempt to be nicer to people because I’ve taken a view in the past that the majority of people are idiots ,but I will also begin to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them prove to me they are idiots before I assume so. I’m looking forward to work tomorrow and getting some things handled that have been looming in the wings.

By |2010-08-17T18:24:58-04:00August 17th, 2010|My Life, Sports|0 Comments

Something random

I’m going golfing at Talamore tomorrow with CK4 and Weller who was nice enough to invite us for a treat of a round of golf. I go in with little expectations of scoring but it’s always fun to play a round without waiting and a course that’s well tended to. I’ve developed a little hitch in my swing that is making me hook a lot of shots. Hooking is far easier to fix than slicing which I used to do 10 years ago but still isn’t fun. I’ve been hitting my long iron’s well though so I can always resort to that.

I watched Inglorious Bastards today and was unbelievably impressed. It does have that Pulp Fiction feel to it and just an all around entertaining movie. Unfortunately I missed the first 30 minutes so I will have to catch that at a different time but I saw the vast majority of it and know that it’s worth a watch. This movie preceded the Season opener of Weeds which I have seen the previous seasons of. I’m not really sure how to review Weeds. I commented that it is almost unbearable watching this show 25 minutes at a time with a week in between each episode. I really like the dialogue of the show but it’s starting to get a little redundant. They are always running away from something and yada yada yada. I’ll watch it but don’t have high expectations.

There’s something funny about facebook chat. First off I wonder how many people actually use this to actually chat. I don’t get the same feeling that I used to have like I did with AIM. You’d put up clever away messages and you’d never sign off and it was always a game for how long you could be on without interruption. I just feel like it’s creepy. Plus whenever it comes up it stalls my browser. I go on facebook because I’m bored and I want to lurk around and see what people are up to. When people send me messages it’s like they are sneaking up on me and invading my privacy. Plus it’s obvious when you are on because it gives that annoying green light so there’s no hiding like you didn’t see it. Then you get in a convo and accidentally close the browser and then it looks like you just ignored the person completely. I’m just not a fan and if you try to message me and I ignore you, now you know why. If I write back, be thankful to know that I like you enough to do so.

By |2016-11-01T23:47:06-04:00August 16th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

I’m doing it wrong

I was going to name this post “financial wisdom from my experience” but the fact of the matter is that I can only write about how I’ve lost money and that’s where the title lies. Now I know the age range of people who read this varies but since I seem to be aging at an alarming rate, I’ve piled up some years of “trading” that I’m going to be happy to share with all of you so you don’t have to be as stupid as I am. I’m going to add that learning this at the age of 26 is still certainly young enough to learn from past mistakes. If you are younger than that than be happy to that you are reading this because I promise you I will give you good advice on what not to do. What you choose to do is up to you.

I was 21 when I graduated Pitt with a degree in Finance. I went to work full time for my dad about 3-4 weeks after graduating. I’ve been working 40 hour weeks ever since. In the first two years I lived at home and soon realized that some portion of my graduating class chose to continue with school and prolong entering the real world. This living at home period is prime time saving up money that will come in handy years down the road. I didn’t have a car either so my expenses to survive were literally 0 and if I could do it again I would have done a better job. CK4 and I didn’t have much going on at this point of our lives and probably visited AC 2 times a month. Needless to say this will be my first words of wisdom. It seems so obvious but the house will always win. Sure we had some winning nights but they are always followed by losing. Casino’s are not a way to profit and they will erase your money, no if’s, and’s, or buts. Aside from spending money on alcohol this was my only real vice and it probably costs me a couple of K.

After 2 years I moved out and got a place that was a hole in the wall and cost 550 a month to live. However, at this point I needed a car to get around so now we are starting to tack on some expenses at this point. Paying for food becomes a necessity and saving becomes all the more difficult. Here’s where the fun begins. It was the fall of 2007 and I had saved up a decent sum of money, opened up a Roth IRA, and was beginning to get my feet wet with the market. Well what do you know, books and experts rave that mutual funds are a great way to play the market because of their diversity. So naturally I put about 65% of my money in mutual funds which then proceed to lose about 40% of their value at an alarming rate. As I watch the Dow go from 14,000 to 7,000 in a little over a year and the financial world in complete turmoil, I decide to sell some of the shares which would go against the buy low, sell high philosophy. So I miss out on some of the rebound to where we are at now 10,000.

About a year ago I do realize that we probably may not see these levels again so I take the money I had in the mutual funds, move them to a Scottrade account and start buying individual stocks. Needless to say, knowing at what price to buy a stock and then being bright enough to sell it at a point where the stock isn’t going to keep going up, isn’t very easy. I could go into my individual trades but they really aren’t necessary to make the point. You can buy solid companies like MSFT and watch them go from 20 to 25 and then be ecstatic how you just made 25% in whatever your time span is. Or you can try to smack a winner like picking up SIRI at $.06 and it climbing to a dollar now for a whopping 1667% gain. So obviously I have these high expectations about these lower priced stocks that can go to the moon. I’ve invested in some “penny” stocks and I can assure you it’s most likely just a pipe dream of hitting it big. These plays don’t tend to work out and I’ve learned that first hand.

The reasoning behind investing money in these plays is pure gambling. It’s sort of like the lottery except it doesn’t make you come off as much as a degen (you are however). The logic behind it is simple though. All you really need is one lucky hit to make up for bad plays. This is flawed logic though because the game is so slanted against you that you are just a simpleton to the Wall Street personnel who manipulate the game.

So you will hear this from me now, after being beat down year after year I’m licking my wounds and getting ready to implement a new system. First off, financial advisers are crocks of shit. I had a call from a 23 year old from ING trying to sell me his services. I ask him what his credentials are and he tells me he passed some test. If you think I’m going to let this pea brain play with my money, you are out of your mind. Financial advisers are all greedy people who are in it for their own self interest. If they don’t make you money, it doesn’t matter because they still get paid either way. The individual gets screwed all the time. So my system is to get out of equities, sit on the sideline because shit is going to hit the fan again. Unemployment is too high, our nation’s trade deficit continues to grow, banks have no reason to lend to people who can’t pay back the money, housing prices continue to slide, and our country as a whole gives out way too much money to people who do way to little work. As an American I’m scared to death of our future because there is so much corporate greed and much more political persuasion that the individual is fucked. These aren’t good times. Obama isn’t a savior. Be happy if you have a roof over your head and a job.

By |2010-08-16T23:44:37-04:00August 16th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

What I did on my Weekend

I left work a bit early on Friday to drive to the shore and play golf at Cape May National. It was Ck4, Baker and I and the first time I’d played the course in many years. I was pretty impressed with the layout of the course and it certainly was a challenging one. There was heather all over the place and if you didn’t keep your shots in play, the numbers were going to add up quickly. I was 43 on the front (1st hole mulligan) and felt like I was playing pretty well. My irons were on point and my short game was better than it’s been recently. I couldn’t get off the tee at all because I’ve developed this duck hook which came into play big time on the back. I ended up with a 54 on the back which probably consisted of about 5-6 lost balls. If I would have used my 5 iron off the tee instead of the driver, this all may have been avoided. It was still a fun round though but I was pretty discouraged to shoot high 90’s with a 43 on the front. I’d give the course about an A- for value and playability.

After golf we drove to sea isle. I probably had about 6 beers before we went out and a gulp of Smirnoff that I immediately regretted after I did it. I was fine though and we went to the OD for a decent time. A funny correlation was made when Baker was saying how much classier and attractive the girls are in Avalon. What he wasn’t taking into consideration is as the class and attractive level go up, the chances of scoring go way down. Personally I don’t really mind the Sea Isle crowd. So I woke up on Saturday, had a few beers, mixed some Vodka and Gatorade to bring to the beach and enjoyed a nice beach day. At around 5 we went to the OD for their no shower happy hour and I probably had another 5-6 beers. I met this one girl who was apparently by herself and I ended up buying her a shot and she was holding my hand through the dance floor so I figured this should be an easy conversion. However when I tried to dance with her from behind she just kind of wasn’t into it so I figured if she’s not going to dance like a slut then my chance with her probably isn’t that great. So I failed on that and went back to the place. After that not to much eventful took place and I passed out at 9pm not to be awoken until 9am. So I pretty much wasted a night out there but it’s for the best because nothing bad happened. I did jack shit on Sunday and now it’s back to Monday. I actually did play in the Sunday Mill yesterday and finished in 1700 when 1260 cashed. I had AK lose to 9T that would have almost guaranteed me making the money. I feel like I play well but get nothing to show for it time and time again.

For the Sunday TV recap. Entourage was average again. I don’t mind the whole Ari – Lizzy thing. The Turtle side plot is really dumb and I’m going to keep pointing it out. I don’t really mind them bringing Billy back but the Drama cartoon is sort of stupid even though I like Drama. True Blood was a pretty good episode. I’m not going to go to much into it but I like what they are doing with Crystal and that side and not really giving away too much info. The Eric Northman – Russell showdown should be good. I think the question to what is Sookie isn’t too bad either. I just think it’s a really good show with many good storylines. I’ve also continued to watch the Ocho show. He finally got some action from one of the girls and then ends up kicking her off. He’s doing a decent job of weeding them out and I’m hoping Tara pulls it off because she’s easily the most entertaining.

By |2010-08-16T08:53:18-04:00August 16th, 2010|My Life, Sports|1 Comment

No New Friday Post O RLY?

So I took a 2nd place in a 12 dollar 180 man tourny last night for 400 bucks. That put me 50 shy away from being even considering the money I’ve deposited in the past 60 days. Lots of time spent for not a lot of return. Actually negative return in this case. After that Evan and I went to Bourbon Blue because they were having a deck opening that brought about an open bar. So it’s mayhem at both bars but they have this one hidden section where someone was filling up shots of some fruity girly drink and they had a keg flowing. I probably drank somewhere between 10-15 of the shots and another 4-5 beers. The girls there were looking very nice by the way. At 9 it was getting close to leaving and the openness was no longer at the bar so I bought two beers and a shot of Jameson before we left for Mad River. I ate a pretty damn good BBQ Bacon Burger at Mad River and accompanied that with a few beers. They had some Smirnoff – Grey Goose taste off which of course I wanted to try. I did choose the Goose as the preferred alcohol which I was proud of to display my true alcoholic tendencies. Full Effect was the band and their lead singer Picasso and Jkash have a unique bond together. At 11:30 or so I was pretty bombed and knew that I had to get out of there before something bad happened, so I did. I’m here at work now writing this post and it’s literally a dead day. I’m leaving early to go play Cape May National and then head to Sea Isle for the weekend. Should be fun.

By |2010-08-13T12:57:47-04:00August 13th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Jodie Fischer

I try to be dynamic and not just correlate this blog to my life but also include some opinions on recent events. I’d assume some people don’t follow the news surrounding HP CEO Mark Hurd stepping down from his position because of his relations with Jodie Fischer. I haven’t read to much about what went on other than a small amount of money (20,000) was put to the companies expense account when I presume it went to her. Hurd apparently settled with her to keep her mouth closed and she doesn’t seem to be one of these nut jobs who crave the attention and use this as a stepping stone to be a whacked out bs celeb like Rachel Uchitel. Here’s a picture of the 50?!? year old Fischer.

Why am I putting her side by side with Mary Steenburgen? For obvious reasons like Steenburgen is the epitome of my ideal milf. Mary is 57!?! Yes, anytime there are ?!?! it’s a giant are you fucking kidding me? It’s a known fact that women don’t age as well as men do, so seeing these women look as good as they do at 50+ should give hope to females that you can look good past your prime. Aside from Fisher’s non-perfect teeth, I think she looks fine and I’m impressed how she’s handled the situation. Naturally she gets the feminine she-wolf Gloria Allred to represent her so she’s obviously getting great legal counsel. What struck me as the best part of her background though is that she was in B movie softcore porn, specifically “Intimate Obsession.” The paper writes it up as a FILM, don’t make me laugh, described as an erotic thriller on Showtime. It came out in 1992 which would only make me 9 years old but I’m familiar with the production of late night “films” on Showtime and she’s virtually a porn star that doesn’t do intercourse or show her vag. I find that the internet makes these Cable flicks obsolete because there’s something fishy about watching women fake it the entire time. Usually the quality of girls are higher but for some reason they cast a lot of ethnic girls.

I got off track there a bit but the one final thought I had was, what did Mark Hurd do so wrong? She’s an attractive women, he’s the fucking CEO of Hewlett Packard, and why isn’t he allowed to spend some cash on her. He said he’d repay the meager sum of cash and he’s done a terrific job as their CEO. There’s probably much more to the story than I’m aware of but seems like this guy deserves a second chance.

By |2013-03-15T03:32:48-04:00August 12th, 2010|Celeb|0 Comments

Some things I don’t get

When did Jesse Eisenberg get so big? I’m looking at his list of movies everyone I’d dismiss as shitty (even though I’ve only seen one). Adventureland was a snoozefest. How good could Zombieland be? Now he’s in The Social Network which is guaranteed to be a hit. If they have betting odds on how big this movie will be, I’ll take the over. When a site has 500 millions members and people make a movie about it, people will take interest. So how did this dweeby looking numnuts land the role of Mark Zuckerberg with such a dismal resume? I’m missing something. Kind of reminds me of a young Matthew Morrison.

I haven’t commented on the newest season of the Jersey Shore yet and considering it’s Thursday, now seems appropriate. The way they cast is acting towards each other must be so difficult to live through on a day to day basis. I know some people would think everything is staged but even though there are camera’s everywhere, I don’t think these 8 people are that good of actors to pull off the drama they show. You can see that something that in Angelina and Paulie’s past dealings effects Angelina. Obviously it’s the girl being really emotional to some moment she deems as important and he looks at as a hoe being a whore. Plus I liked in the first episode when Ronnie gets black out drunk because when he wakes up the next day and starts asking questions about what happened, I’ve been there so many times that to see it from that perspective was really entertaining. I think the show has lost some of it’s allure but I still find it worth watching.

I also want to make mention of a movie I watched recently called “the promotion”. It starred Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly. It was a more serious role for both of these talented actors but still had a comedic effect. I found it to be a nice change of pace honestly. It was about two ass’t managers who are vying for a manager at a new store and how their paths cross. I want to say upfront though that there is a very good chance you find this movie awful if you are expecting step brothers.

Also how many goddamn ways are there to spell Shawn. Shaun, Chone, Shonn, Shawon, Sean. Then you start throwing around De’s and Le’s. Just nice simple names like Tom do the trick. 3 letters. To the point. No fucked up Thom’s. Everyone should have learned from the Asians to just keep it short. Hu, Wang, Phuck.

By |2016-11-01T23:47:14-04:00August 12th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Flash, hummers, and ripoffs

So I’m just going to give some randomness for a few paragraphs. This guy at the local market where I buy my sandwiches from wore this really crazy Marvel shirt with 50 of their characters on it. I noticed it a month or so ago and I just thought it was weird how I remembered remembering it and thinking back then that it was a unique shirt. It sort of goes against my philosophy of being unrememberable so that you can get away with wearing anything and no one can recollect if you wore it before. Technically I wear 5 t-shirts during the week. I have two of these dark green Jameson shirts, one green B&B sheet metal shirt, and my black Pokerstars shirt. None of them have any flash and I’m pretty sure no one knows that I only alternate 5 shirts on a week to week basis. So for this guy to wear his Marvel shirt and for me to take notice, he can’t even wear it again without me thinking that he wears it all the time. Just something to consider when choosing a wardrobe.

This pet peeve is up there with people using their phones at the dinner table. I cannot stand people who hum a tune. This tilts me to no end. It’s sort of like they don’t like silence so they hum some song that is running through their brain. Personally, I prefer the silence. It just gives me the feeling that instead of thinking of something to say they go with this humming nonsense. It doesn’t come up very often but some woman was doing it line today and I just wanted to get a piece of duct (yes it’s duct tape, not duck tape)(I actually just googled it and apparently it used to be called duck tape…) tape and shut her the fuck up. This also goes along with CK4 who will learn one line from a song and then he’s on repeat for the rest of the day. I know he reads this and it really doesn’t bother me at all compared to the hummers.

I hate getting ripped off by companies. I want to go over a few examples. Potato chip companies that give you 1/3 of the bag of chips and the other 2/3 with air. My mom defends it saying that they need the space so the chips don’t break… I don’t give a shit if my chips are broken, quantity is more important in potato chips than quality. Broken chips don’t lose value. Next, I’m pretty sure Blackberry makes their screens so they are prone to breaking so you have to buy a new one. JC broke his in the first week and mine somehow got a golf tee through it. I always know these companies think of ways like this to get people to buy more of their product. The last one I don’t necessarily agree with but JC swears by it. He thinks the people who make sharpie markers make the cap so that it doesn’t fit the tip properly and is more suspect to fall off so the ink wears out faster. I’ve never really noticed it but if you ever bring it up to him you’ll immediately be his best friend.

I’m just going to finish this with a song I came across that I think is pretty good.

I’m a horrible dancer and I ain’t gonna lie, but i”ll be damned if it means that I’m not gonna to try.
Now I’m a shitty romancer baby ain’t gonna lie, but i’ll be damned if it means I’m not gonna try.

By |2010-08-11T16:11:01-04:00August 11th, 2010|Music, My Brain|0 Comments

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