We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Email Closings

I come across a load of email signatures in my day to day activities and I usually just overlook them because they are usually pretty generic. Every so often though I catch some that are just plain stupid. Personally, I don’t have any closing like sincerely or best regards because when I finish my emails, that’s it, their done and I close on my last sentence. However the majority of the business world does not agree with this sentiment and I will go over a few of my personal favorites.

Cheers – are we having a beer together? We aren’t drinking buddies and I don’t usually lump business clients and friends together. There are no cheers over emails.

Thanks – I don’t think this should be a closing but rather at the end of the last sentence. I actually don’t really have a problem with this one but I found it running through my emails and figured I’d note it. This doesn’t really bother me.

Warmest Regards – This came from a female so I understand the emotional effort but this is over doing it in a business environment. I’ve seen some regards and best regards and both come across as kind of cheesy to me. Warmest regards makes me think we are looking to get involved romantically. Hilariously enough this companies slogan is “the eager beaver gets the box.” I’d laugh to hard to tell them my thoughts on their slogan.

Take Care – Just completely stands by itself. It’s like a false goodbye that you don’t really mean, so just remove it. I don’t need to be belittled by your falseness of telling me to take care. If you knew me at all you’d know that I don’t know how to take care.

Cordially – How pleasant. Cordially saying goodbye. You are such a nice, well mannered person and I can tell all this from your signature. Baloney.

Ending things abruptly is the way to go in all forms of conversation whether it be email, phone, texts. I use this all the time and it never gets me anywhere. Sometimes I like to think like it creates this sense of mystery but I think most people just think you are a douche bag. Like if I get some random number at the bar and I text them the next day I’ll write something like “last night was a good time but what I’m doing tonight will blow you away.” So they probably read that and think what the fuck is this lunatic talking about. I believe in the keep them on the line waiting for something better but it seems like they wriggle off before I even start reeling. Good analogy, I know.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-25T22:16:49-04:00August 25th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Negotiating 101

Here’s an email from I came across that will show you what it takes to get the lowest price possible and how to haggle like a pro. I give you the final email of a 61 piece email back and forth.

Don,

I appreciate your apology.

However, the does not change the current situation: I already paid the deposit for the car which the dealer already has.

I have to completely honest with you. After getting the pricing from Raphel last Saturday, I went to another dealer to compare pricing.
They gave me a lower price by a few dollars. Because I know how the sales process works and because I know that you put a lot of effort into this, in good faith I decided that it was worth it for me to pay the extra few dollars a month so that you could get the sale (and the commission). Maybe I was naive, but I felt at the time that it was the right thing to do.

When the email exchanges between you and I continued, and the pricing and features started to change I began to have second doubts.
Finally, when the upfront pricing changed, I realized that I no longer felt comfortable working with you and Raphel. At that point the deal was already dead. That is when I called the other dealer back and signed the papers with them (7/17). Although I can relate to your ambitious demeanor, I can assure you that the “ends don’t always just the means.”

Although you have the advantage of having many more of years of experience as a salesman, I do know one thing for sure: I am VERY good at what I do. The biggest supporting argument for this that I hear from my clients is that they enjoy working with me because I resolve all of their issues in a reasonable and professional manner (taking the approach that the “client is always right.”)

When I sent you the email on Wednesday with my final offer of $2599 down, $399/month for 36 months, I thought that you would acknowledge the miscommunication (which you did) and take responsibility for it (regardless of who was at fault) and in good faith accept my generous offer in order to make things right. I felt that at worst you would at least counter with some sort of compromise. When these type of situations arise in my work situations, I always try to resolve them by trying to reach a mutually agreeable solution with the client. It did not seem that you were willing to work with me, and that was really the “straw that broke the camel’s back” on this deal.

This really is nothing personal, and is solely a business decision that I had to make. I needed to look out for my own best interests and feel confident that I achieved them. I hope you can understand this.

You can tell your boss that I truly appreciate all of your hard work on this, and certainly will not hold a grudge against you or Sloane automobiles.

I hope that if this situation occurs again with another deal you are working on (which it certainly will), you will remember this incident and take a different approach with the client. If you do, I can guarantee that you will prosper, if not then you will yet again fail.

Based on the aforementioned reasoning, consider this a ‘win” for you an not a “loss.”

By now you are staring at your computer monitor with a dumbfounded facial expression. To answer the question that you have had since double clicking on this email: the reason that I took my time to write this email is simply put:

Because it was the right thing to do.

Good luck and I wish you well.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-25T21:55:05-04:00August 25th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

Hiatus

After a few day hiatus I decided to make a post. I just got too wasted on Saturday night and was writing about it and decided that I was tired of writing about the same BS, so I took a few days off to recover. I’m feeling perfectly fine again and will continue this blog as usual. Just to update on a few things that have happened to me in the past few days. My keychain broke and I moved my key to another chain. Since I have two keys, I unwittingly placed the spare key on the new chain and now my car automatically moves the seat to the settings set on the spare and it’s been a complete hassle. When I find my driving settings with perfect mirror views and seat adjustments, I get highly annoyed when it shifts. Also in the parking lot today, I was making a left hand turn after a stop sign and this bitch in her BMW, babbling on her blackberry almost blasted the back of my beauty of a TL. This was the closest to an accident I’ve probably ever been and it was a cowboy move by me but she should have applied the brakes once she saw what I was doing. I’ve read that people texting while driving are more dangerous than drunk drivers and I probably believe it.

I wish I had more to write about but after I wrote that I wasn’t happy with my weekend and I was going to cease posts, I got some texts and bbm’s concerned that I must have fucked up again, which wasn’t the case. I’m still walking a tight rope but I’m hoping to come around. Apparently at the bar I was making out with some girl (a grenade most likely) and Evan found me on a stoop somewhere along the walk home with my head between hands. This is what caused me to re-evaluate things and say that taking away this blog would act as a punishment to me acting like a buffoon. But naturally come mid-week I’m feeling good and in good spirits once again. I ran 12 miles in 1 hour 15 minutes which was around 6:15 splits. This was about 2 minutes faster then where I was in April so I’m expecting a good time come mid September for the Philly Distance Run. I’ve been waking up early and have had some good days at work so I will keep at this blog and hopefully gain back the daily readers with more updates. My golf game is coming around late in the season as well. I was 42 on the front last Saturday (should have been 40) and finished with a back of 49 but had so many missed opportunities that if I could just keep it together for a full 18 I should be mid to low 80’s. I’m really just happy to be well and will live these next few days the best I can.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-25T21:51:32-04:00August 25th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

The Bayou

So I got an email from the Bayou that read “Manayunk is back for the place to eat, drink and be merry and the Bayou is ready for you. The Bayou Bar & Grill, located in Manayunk, Philadelphia, has been one of the premier bars for nightlife since it’s opening in 1993. The Bayou is the oldest bar on Main Street and has been the central figure of the Manayunk bar scene. With over 25 TV’s, 3 bars and every sports game package that there is, you can enjoy any Philadelphia sports game or you can enjoy watching whoever your favorite sports team is for that matter.”

Now there’s nothing wrong with this description but if I were doing the review, it would read something like this:

The Bayou is the oldest bar on Main Street and we haven’t upgraded it since we started. We are certainly not a premier bar because we lack the space to be one. We have 25 TV’s but most are less than 17″ and the bigger ones are Panasonic’s. Our atmosphere is cramped and we only have a few bathrooms. When too many people come to our bar, our bathroom lines are out the door and people spill drinks on one another in close quarters because it’s hard to move. The bar usually fills up quickly downstairs and then people start filling in behind and have to get drinks by reaching over seated patrons. We have tables outside for eating but they are right in the middle of the sidewalk so you are constantly being passed by interrupting pedestrians. We hire mostly male bartenders because we don’t understand that guys spend more money at the bar and prefer female bartenders. Our staff will generally serve better looking females before serving males. We have a staircase that should be roped off because drunks are prone to fall down it. Sometimes we invite groups of people for open bars and claim that we serve top shelf liquor but when they ask for something even as lowly as Jack Daniels, we bait and switch them with Evan Williams. We laugh when someone asks for Grey Goose at our top shelf open bar. Our food is mediocre at best but it’s dirt cheap so no one complains. We do have the cheapest beer on main street though, which is another reason people put up with the above. All in all for a cheap, average experience, come to the Bayou.

I actually think I can write a series about the bars in Manayunk with realistic reviews.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-20T15:09:46-04:00August 20th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

Fate and Dependency

I got a text this morning from Evan saying he had a good night in AC. Now we’ve discussed this concept before but I find it so unthinkable that I figured I’d write a post about it. Earlier in the day I sent an email saying that I didn’t feel like going out on Thursday and I was just going to stay in. He was deciding whether or not to go out around us or to go to AC with a Hafer and Hetrick. Now since I decided that I didn’t want to go, this was a factor on why he chose to go to AC instead of Manayunk. If I would have wrote an email saying I wanted to go out, his fate and fortunes could have been entirely altered. Also, say I decided that I wanted to go to AC instead of work, well me being there would have changed all the cards that came out and the end result. Sometimes it just boggles my mind the way things work out and how the slightest change of mind could alter an entire series of events. It’s sort of like the Simpson’s when Home goes back in time and steps on a bug or something and life is completely modified because of that one event in time. Sort of makes you scratch your head and wonder what and who you are effecting with everything you do.

I watched the Jersey Shore last night and came away with a few thoughts. For how clueless Sammie is and how easily she changes her mind about the relationship just shows how stupid a human being she is. The guy obviously doesn’t take the relationship seriously, and not that he should within that environment, but for her to be so naive to think that he will is what I don’t understand. One minute she says it’s over and the next she’s dying to care of him. Plus, I like watching Ronnie get the wasted because that makes me happy that it happens to everyone. When he tried to get up and went head first into the wall, that brought back memories for me. The way people develop dependencies on others is always weird for me because that’s not the way I live. I guess I’m more independent and a loner than looking for other people’s help to do things.

We’ll see what happens this weekend. I’m going to run today which would have me putting in over 30+ miles this week which is more than I’ve done in a while. Leading up to the half marathon I would like to get up to 40 or so. We are playing Golf on Saturday and other than that I don’t have much going on so it’s going to be a winging it weekend. Happy Birthday Matt Baker.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-20T08:40:00-04:00August 20th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|1 Comment

Thursday Normal?

Work was nothing out of the ordinary. I came home and ran 7+ miles at 2 and a half minutes faster than I did Monday which proves what dehydration and too much alcohol does to the body. I also had dinner with my Mom which has become our routine. I plan my schedule around this dinner rather than fit it into my schedule. It should be a necessity that you see your parents on a regular basis because you should appreciate the time you can spend with them when they are here. The restaurant we went to had a 5 dollar theme where I ordered a salad, a burger, and a pitcher for 15 bucks. I finished 60% of the salad, 90% of the burger, and of course all of the beer. I think the pitcher probably had about 5 beers in it so I’m sure my mom was impressed I finished it by myself in an hour and a half and then drove home. I’m sure people are shaking their fingers at me but I’m really such the alcoholic that I’m 95% sure I was under the legal limit. I enjoyed it for the 15 dollars and I’m contemplating whether to go out tonight. I’ve been feeling really good and I hate to disrupt that by drinking too much tonight and feeling like hell tomorrow but we’ll see.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-19T20:39:28-04:00August 19th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Your Youth

When I look back to my younger days I realize how joyous and carefree things were. My dad would pay me 6 dollars a week to take in the trashcans and at the time this was big money. If I saved up a few weeks I’d have 20+ dollars and then I was on top of the world. I’d never have to spend money on food because my mom would make me breakfast, lunch and dinner. We used to ride bikes all around the neighborhood. Play all types of sports like bball, baseball, soccer and even games we’d make up like the Charles Haley (yes we had a game after the great linebacker) game and Wilburn. Games like manhunt were great neighborhood fun. What’s the great thing about all these time spenders? They are all free! Entertainment didn’t come from spending money at the bar or gambling to amuse oneself. Life when you are young is so much better that until you have to start fending for yourself, you don’t know how good you had it. The worst parts of youth were getting your parents mad at you. I remember my dad used to flip when I forgot to take the trash cans in because it was my only responsibility. I don’t really see the point of parents getting mad at their kids because the kid is too young to understand exactly. Obviously I’m not saying to let them get away with everything but it’s a growth phase that you have to constantly keep reiterating points rather than getting upset. My parents were always nice about it but I’m sure I took a few spanks to the rear end.

Now I spend my time trying to get Verizon to bring my bill down or figuring out how to sell more roofing tools. This isn’t fun anymore. My day yesterday was fun but it still cost 55 bucks to play a round of golf. My brother wrote a post about his job and in a half days work, he can’t even afford to play one round of golf. And he’s ecstatic to be making that much money! Carefree youth is finished and it has to be one of the harder things in life realizing that you are only going to get older from this moment. There’s nothing you do about it other than look back, be fond of the good memories, and do your best to create more good memories so that 10 years from now I’ll write a post saying how good it must have been to be 26.

Also notice I used 2 ! points in this post and I bet if you looked through my 300 posts you wouldn’t find more than a handful. I remember sending the Rock one text that I mistakenly used an ! instead of a ? and I wrote immediately I wouldn’t use a ! to describe anything. He knew something was amiss. I pay really careful attention to detail when people are writing things and just how they do it. I’ll use a few examples. Bud Schmidt, my good friend from my youth who partook in most of my games above, will start every sentence with a capital letter and end every sentence with punctuation regardless if it’s an informal email or text. I myself do the best I can with my limited knowledge when I write this blog as perfectly as I can, but I will skimp on texts if it’s a short reply. I also try to make sure my spelling is always correct. I believe this attention to detail displays that you take things seriously and you do your best to not make mistakes. Now the people out there with their c u l8ter’s and oh I <3 u sooooooooooooo much, these people like to stomp all over the English language and show why our country is being surpassed by other nations in intelligence. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with these people they just don't put much importance on proper communication, basically thinking that if the other party can understand it, that's good enough for me. It's strange too because you know they weren't taught this way so why do it? It's like a rebellion against authority. Since I probably just put down half of the people who read this blog I'm just going to stop before I get into deep.

I also like how I put up that poll on the right sidebar and only got one reply and that was me. As Sam and I discussed, getting reader involvement isn’t as easy as it looks. I’m not asking for much, just a simple click of a yes or no and then vote. I had the most visits ever in a day yesterday so I know people are reading this crap. The site doesn’t trace anything and you will remain anonymous and even if I knew you read my blog, what’s the big deal, I’m happy you do. I’ll continue doing so until I reach a point where there’s no more reason to keep it. As long as it keep reaching highs, I have something to shoot for.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-19T00:12:38-04:00August 19th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|5 Comments

Snooki Punch

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:24:23-04:00August 18th, 2010|Celeb|0 Comments

Reader Material

So a reader decided to send me something and said that I could add it to my blog if I wanted to. Naturally I’m pleased that someone wants to help me out with quality material.

“Thought you may find this text message exchange amsuing. This took place yesterday during the work day. Feel free to use this conversation however you see fit.”

Me (11:43 AM): I’m thinking you should come over later tonight.

Her (1:40 PM): If I say I can’t tonight, are you going to use the bat on me? Tomorrow or thursday maybe?

Me (2:17 PM): I won’t be around the rest of the week or weekend after tonight. You’re rolling the dice if you don’t show up tonight…I at least need head.

Her (2:21 PM): So you want me to change my plans so I can give you head? I’ll see what I can do

Me (2:23 PM): My dick can’t suck itself.

Her (2:27 PM): Ok fine
Her (2:52 PM): Plans changed. I’ll see you later tonight

Me (2:53 PM): Nice response.

This is obviously good material and I will be happy to add anything of the likes that show women bending over backwards not to get hit with a bat.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-18T16:34:54-04:00August 18th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

2 Minutes to Kill

Sam and I have both said to each other that sometimes when you are trying to write a post, you start writing and then 20 minutes later you read what you wrote and realize that it completely sucked. I’ve sort of been in that mood lately except that I haven’t even been writing anything shitty, I just haven’t been writing anything at all. I completely understand why people go to this blog. It works as a time killer during the work day. It’s like you complete a task and then you check to see if I update my blog with anything. It doesn’t have to be worthwhile, just anything to kill 2 minutes of your day so that you are 2 minutes closer to leaving. And if you are really bored then it’s 2 minutes of alleviating boredom. I think it’s better for me because I get to kill 15 minutes by writing this stupid stuff. In this past paragraph I’ve put nothing of interest and you are just stuck reading it. Funny thing is I’ve used this topic for a post multiple times in the past 300+ posts. My topic about how nothing is better than something continues to be my go to post to entertain. Sad I know.

For some actual value to this entry I’m going to fill you in on what’s going to happen when the Bush Tax cuts expire on Jan 1st, 2011. This is going to hit everyone, as we’ll see the current six tax brackets go from 10%, 15%, 25%, 28%, 33%, and 35% increase to 15%, 28%, 31%, 36% and 39.6%. If that wasn’t enough bad news, we are also going to see the tax on long term capital gains rise from 15% to 20%, as well as a jump in taxes on dividends from 15% to as high as 39.6%. Even if you have no interest in the above statement, what it means is that the people who work hard for a living are going to be taking home less of their paycheck so that the people who don’t work hard, get more benefits. This is why our country is going into the ground. Too many people on the cart, with too few people pulling it. If you voted for Obama and just voted because you know you didn’t like Bush, the above reason should show my main reason for not voting for Obama. It’s no wonder that poor people, hippies, and slackers vote Obama. Reason? They don’t make any money anyhow so why not vote for a President who wants to give back to the not as well off. The bottom line is that the Gov’t needs to tax the people more because they fucked up in so many ways that there are not too many other available options. As unemployment continues to rise, deflation sets in and peoples pay decreases, lets see how it turns out when the Gov’t keeps relying on it’s people for money. This country is slowly losing it’s powerhouse status while other countries like China & India continue to grow.

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-18T17:58:54-04:00August 18th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments