About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Poop Residue

Sam and I were having a normal conversation about poop yesterday. I was just about to play basketball and had to take a dump. So I took a dump and wiped clean. I alerted Sam that I couldn’t just go play basketball immediately after pooping. You have to walk around a little bit because (most of the time) you just don’t get all the poop residue after the first attempt. It usually takes about 2 minutes and you have to be constantly walking around and then you just wipe again and you should be all set. This is really important in life because poop residue can be a huge problem. As a runner you learn this quickly and I’ll explain why. Whenever you want to go for a run, you never want to have to take a dump. So it’s normal to have to want to poop just before you run. Now if you aren’t aware of the information I just shared, you might poop, wipe, and then try to run. This isn’t the best way. That 3-5 minutes of walking around is the ticket. I don’t always herp, but when I herp I derp.

By |2012-06-11T21:32:45-04:00June 11th, 2012|My Life|0 Comments

I was just about to remember that!

Life has been pretty good as of late. On Friday, we went to a few bars in Doylestown which was much better than I would have thought. A fun golf round on Saturday came down to 18 where I hit the one of my best drives and chickened out for going for the green in 2. Shee and I were tied (with Bud being 2 back which I wasn’t even aware of) and we both bogeyed after a few botched putts. I thought I played better than a 95 but two relatively easy holes nabbed me with an 8 and a 9. We finished the round and sped home to catch my horse Dullahan get a 7th place in the Belmont Stakes. I concluded the night with watching the bball game where I was actually happy to see the Heat get there and then I hung out at the Cohen household which also proved entertaining. I was impressed with the game baseball which was the first time I played it.

I woke up late today and just finished playing 7 games of basketball where I was honing my skills. If I had to rate my play I’d say it was a solid 5. I play hard, get good spots, but just can’t put the ball in the basket. Casey, Bud, and Evan also rounded out the crew and it was a pretty fun day. I’m completely spent now though and am looking forward to bowling tonight. Anyone is welcome. Should be around 8 or 9, let me know. Let’s get Jaweens and Mugsey reunited on the alley.

By |2012-06-10T17:24:03-04:00June 10th, 2012|My Life|0 Comments

A Silent Film – Sand & Snow

You can listen to the entire album on Spotify and there’s absolutely no reason not to. This band is completely overlooked. With past hits as You Will Leave a Mark & Driven By A Beaten Heart, they absolutely knock this album out of the park. I’ve wrote about Danny, Dakota & the Wishing Well which was their first single off this album (and can be listened to below). Let Them Feel Your Heartbeat is a terrific song as well. I sat there listening to their entire album and didn’t have the feeling “oh I have to turn this song off because it sucks at any point.” Re-read that last line because that is the key to a good album. Groups that have one or two good songs don’t necessarily make them good. Being able to listen to an entire album and enjoy it (ala Foster the People) is when I know I can back a group. This is only my review after one listen through and I will listen through it again and again.

By |2012-06-08T09:34:04-04:00June 8th, 2012|Music|0 Comments

Charging into the Finals

Sam informed me that Bob Ryan was going nuts how the offensive charge was ruining basketball. I wasn’t aware of this when I told him that I had the same thought. I haven’t heard anything Bob Ryan said but in the past week I’ve watched more basketball than the past 10 years combined and this was my conclusion. I do want to say that I do believe that there should be a charging call but I think that a no call should be the desired result.

I agree that an out of control offensive player barreling down the lane and slamming a set defensive player is charging. I don’t feel like a player who has released the ball and is falling into a defensive player can be considered a charge. I also think the defensive player flops half the time anyway. Meaning that if there isn’t enough force to create a charge, it should be a no call. No calls will prevent defensive players from flopping and you’ll create a line where flopping becomes too risky. As is, players just fall down whenever there is any contact and the refs are too stupid to not blow their whistles. This needs to be corrected.

By |2012-06-07T22:55:44-04:00June 7th, 2012|Sports|0 Comments

Phillie Phans

2 baseball posts in a row… the world must be ending. The Phillies just lost their 6th game in a row and the uncertainty is starting to become a certainty. What spawned this post was actually a sentence I read in the Inquirer before today’s game. This isn’t verbatim but it went something like “to make matters worse, Freddy Galvis went down.” HAHAHAHAHA. If Freddy Galvis getting hurt makes things worse, then your team is god awful. He is hitting .226 with 3 homers and him getting hurt shouldn’t make a difference to your success. That being noted, I can’t wait to see how Phillies fans react to the team sucking. I want to see all those band wagon fans cheer their team who is going to be dead last 100 games into the season. I know that there are legit Phillies fans out there but you bet your last dollar I’m keeping an eye on the attendance at home games because I’ve known for a long time how false Phillie fans are. It begins.

By |2012-06-07T22:39:26-04:00June 7th, 2012|Sports|2 Comments

Roid Rage

I find something humorous about baseball and it lies in the stats. Baseball players are known for taking steroids and there is nothing more blatantly obvious than reviewing some known juicer’s careers. I’m going to start with some obvious (and proven) ones so you can get the idea and then I’ll throw a few out who haven’t surfaced.

Pre-Juicers
Brady Anderson – In his first 7 years as a pro the most homers he hit in a season was 21. In 1996, he jacked 50 homers and had 101 RBI as a lead off hitter. He followed up 1996 with a respectable 97′ (.288, 18 HR, 73 RBI). His 98′ was mostly injury plagued as he batted .236. You’ll noticed the injury trend after juiced seasons. He never admitted to using steroids during his one epic season.

Greg Vaughn – In 1995 (notice the years), Vaughn played in 108 games and batted .224 with 17 dingers. In 96′, he hit 41 homers, 117 RBI and batted .260. He quit the roids in 97′ when he batted .216 with 18 homers. His most memorable season of 1998, he blasted 50 homers with 119 RBI and batted .272. Another solid year in 1999 with 45 homers and 118 RBI. He sputtered out his last 4 years injury plagued never to return to that level.

Ken Caminiti – Before 95′, Ken’s highest total season of homers was 18. He admits to using steroids around the next few years of his career. In 95′ he belted 26 and in 96′ he hit 40 homers. He batted .302 and .326 respectively and walloped an enormous 130 RBI during 96′. After that breakout year he averaged less than 100 games a year for the rest of his playing days.

The first two guys never admitted to roids (I don’t think) but Caminiti did (he’s dead to a cocaine overdose) but I think the trend and years played should be evidence enough. Now lets take this info and move it to present day with some players who should be suspected.

Post Juicers

Jose Bautista
A fairly easy one to spot and obviously unusual. In 4 seasons prior to 2010 he hit 16,15,15,13 homers per season. In 2010 he smacks 54 and follows up with 43 the next year. No trend upward or anything just straight up hits 40 hr’s more the next season. With all the testing going on prior to the fiasco during the Roid era, it’s hard to give an explanation to this. Whatever he changed is under the radar. When will he get hurt?

Jimmy Rollins
No one is safe. In 2007, Jroll was the National League MVP. He batted .296, had 30 homers and had 94 RBI while playing in 162 games. He followed that year backing off with just 11 homers, 59 RBI and .277 average. In 2009 this is taken from Wikipedia “towards the end of June Rollins was batting just .195 with a .237 on-base percentage when hitting leadoff, and through July 1 he had the lowest on base percentage (.250) in the major leagues”. Rollins has never been close to his 2007 season up through the present. What happened? UHHHHHHHH, baseball was cracking down on the juice, Jimmy stopped taking it and became just another above average player.

A-Rod The list just couldn’t be complete without the most obvious. Right back to the heart of time when steroids were rampant (1996) is when A-Rod started his run as baseballs most accomplished hitter. Between 1996 and 2007, A-Rod had 3 30+ HR seasons, 5 40+, and 3 50+ season. From 2008 on his totals have been 35, 30, 30, and 16. Let’s also mention that he played almost every game during that awesome time span. Since then he’s been a different player. What changed? I think that’s obvious.

Do I have any proof in any of this? Only the numbers. Numbers are the truth and as much as people like to believe that a player had an amazing season just one time, history tells a tale. What’s up with Chooch’s 2012?

By |2012-06-06T22:25:29-04:00June 6th, 2012|Sports|2 Comments

An so it goes.

A nice Kurt Vonnegut reference. Since being “home”, I’m waking up earlier and getting home later. This trend will continue and doesn’t exactly lead to a happier quality of life. I have been able to catch full Howard Stern interviews which I must say I enjoy. Yesterday was Joe Walsh and today was Joan Rivers, both of whom you should know but most probably don’t. Walsh being a guitarist in the Eagles (and a decent solo career) and Joan Rivers being a 79 year old comedian. Aside from that though this is just something that I’m going to have to get used to. It took me all of Monday and most of today to recover from the Saturday night and following bike race. I swear I know why this type of ill feeling takes place after long periods of drinking and my bet it is complete body dehydration. You’d think just chugging water would cure it but that’s not the case. Your body just starts pissing a ton if you try it that way. It just takes time to recharge. I think most weaker bodies just stop drinking but the alcoholic in me just consumes and then deals with the punishment that follows.

I will also note that living back home is quite a bit different. After 5 years on my own it’s been quite an adjustment. I’ve been eating a lot more Frosted Flakes and reading the paper. We also have all the movie channels which is nice. The terrain is way flatter than Manayunk and my runs seem like a piece of cake. Sam and I haven’t gotten in our Ping Pong games but I’m sure that will be in the near term. I just want to take it week by week and enjoy the ride.

By |2012-06-05T19:34:50-04:00June 5th, 2012|My Life|0 Comments

Mondauk Basketball

Now that my living situation has changed, chances are I start playing a bit more basketball. I played this Saturday and I have a few observations from this experience. I’m not the greatest player but I do know what I can and can’t do. I also know how the game should be played. Most people don’t. Here are a few things I noticed throughout the game:

  • Players pass the ball so late on the fast break. The key to the fast break is to pass the ball early and keep your options open. Once you start getting closer to the basket, the window angle gets smaller and smaller. This happens so frequently that it is really what spurred this post.
  • Pass and cut. People pass and stand and if you don’t want to have an offense, than that’s a good strategy. I can’t believe how often people just stand outside the 3 point line doing nothing but waiting.
  • The difference between a 2 point shot and a 1 point shot are huge. If you have anyone who can shoot reasonably well, you should try to get them open looks. The better team doesn’t always win at Mondauk, it’s usually who can make the most 3’s.
  • The defense and boxing out (2 things I can do) is non-existent. This game I played in though wasn’t the highest competition so I expect that it comes with talent.

It’s very true that I’m going to be one of the oldest guys playing and have played for much longer than most but these are just some simple observations.

By |2012-06-05T08:03:26-04:00June 4th, 2012|Sports|8 Comments

This is News?! by Yahoo

Wally Szerzerbiak Tweets about KG

I despise the media. This is an article that shouldn’t be an article. I can’t think of one reason why anyone should care what Wally Szcezerbiak thinks of about anything. I would compare the importance of Wally’s tweets to my tweets. We’re on the same level. So if some media moron wants to start using my tweets for news stories, then maybe I’ll reconsider my position.

Yahoo wonders why it sucks and I have to point to stories like this. I use Yahoo for 3 things, its finance section, its fantasy sports, and its headlines. The search engine is sub par and all the other crappy categories are a waste of time. They’re problem is that they try to do a little bit of everything and are good at nothing (but fantasy sports). I actually really like the company because the things I use are done extremely well but I just can’t believe that stories like these deserve attention.

By |2012-06-01T09:51:48-04:00June 1st, 2012|Sports|0 Comments

Konami / Zynga

I have some vested interest in the company Zynga which has been in the news quite a bit lately due to it’s participation in the social media gaming craze. Konami (along with Activision) is arguably the best game maker in the world and this clip should give some solid backing to what Zynga has going for it in the future. At 6 dollars a share I really believe that this company has a lot of growth potential. My only little problem with it is that it’s market cap is 4.6 billion dollars which seems a tad high (but not nearly as bad a facebook.) Consider this, Zynga did 1.1 billion dollars in sales last year compared with Facebooks 2+billion. Facebook’s market capitalization is almost 75 billion compared to Zyngas 4.6. I believe there is some value here in Zynga.

By |2012-06-01T08:52:50-04:00June 1st, 2012|My Brain|0 Comments

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