We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Do You Think About Life?

Most people only think about their life. What are they going to eat for their next meal? What is their boss going to ask them to do? Getting through the day is the first and foremost task. This is however short sighted because there are bigger issues at hand that you have probably thought about but most likely not often. This post will bring some that cross my mind.

Dan Reynolds

In a less popular song by Imagine Dragons called Hear Me, the line “Maybe if I fall asleep, I won’t breathe right” hit me in a way that I’m sure Dan Reynolds did not anticipate. Or maybe he did. In no relation to the song, this lyric makes me think that at any point of your life, you might not wake up if you go to sleep. Most people thoughtlessly go through life with a feeling of obligation that you will wake up and die of old age. Life doesn’t work that way. It’s obviously crazy to live your life paranoid that at anytime you could keel over and die, but the possibility exists.
You are 1 of 7 billion people. Your specific life has no meaning whatsoever in the grand scheme of things. Nobody remembers that shitty ass presentation I gave in Business Communication when I couldn’t remember any of my part. This macro perspective is wonderful to have when undertaking risks. People only care about themselves and you are a second thought. Recognizing the magnitude of 7 billion is also mind blowing.

The United States isn’t Obama. It’s 400 years of European immigrants who have created a melting pot of people from all over the Earth. The US is this incredible super power who has resources and technology that allow it to reign over poorer countries. As pointed out by Gourlay in this post, even though we think we have problems, others have it much worse. Residents of this country seem to think that we are the central hub of the world. False.

The wild idea of intelligent computers taking over the world or aliens abducting the planet are not as far fetched as immediately received. Humans have been on the Earth for around 200,000 years and the Earth has been around for 4.5 billions years. Nobody can predict the future and saying things cannot happen is incredibly closed minded. I personally don’t believe in God or ghosts but if a beam of unknown light starts sending people up to the sky, I’m on board.

I learned from The 90’s: The Last Great Decade (incredible program finishing tonight) a theory exists that OJ was acquitted as payback for the Rodney King beatings. It truly was amazing watching all the white police officers slap hands in the courtroom for the terrible beating of Rodney. The LA riots that ensued after the verdict was read was unbelievable as well. The LA police were told to let the riots go on and not to interfere because it would turn into another Rodney King. The LA riots caused a billion dollars worth of damage and killed 53 and injured 2,000 more non-blacks. I see now why black people look at the OJ verdict as bigger than OJ. This really shouldn’t have been on this list but everyone loves to read about OJ.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:06:47-04:00July 8th, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

Pause

I’ve wrote two posts over the past two days and can’t post either because they have no structure. I’m trying to keep up but life is getting in the way. If you check this blog regularly, hang on.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:10:55-04:00July 8th, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

The Coolest Thing I’ve Seen All Day

These are a few pictures of what it is like inside an Amazon warehouse. The full set here.

Until I saw this.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:06:26-04:00July 7th, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

The Most Embarrassing Golf Round I’ve Had

Be smart, don’t be a retard. I unfortunately was the latter. I capped off a liquid weekend with a pitiful performance that I’ll get into later. Where to begin on this 3 day bender.

I met up with Sam and Alex at their place on Thursday, 7/3. I got the quick tour of their new place and we had a few drinks at a local Yunker watering hole shooting cricket. Even with an ominous night brewing, we headed to a Styx / Foreigner concert which was what I thought it would be. Read Sam’s blog to get his take on the night. Negotiating with a hot dog vendor at the concert while Sam was black out drunk was a highlight.
I woke on Friday morning feeling groggy but was able to meet up with Evan and head to DC at an appropriate time for a golf round. I was able to eat an entire quesadilla from Baja Fresh at a rest stop which will be used as a benchmark later on. We met up with Hafe and Stackhouse at 1 o’clock and prepared for a round at Renditions which is a copy of famous holes on various courses. Hafe was playing the round of his life before losing his phone on hole 10 and ended up abandoning 2 holes (while leaving his playing partner without a bag) which I still can’t get over. The round was near 6 hours but on such a beautiful day, I don’t think anyone really was that upset. Playing with music in the background was something I thought would be distracting but proved to be quite fun. Thumbs up to the round. Cruise.
After golf we went to Hafer’s in DC and we started pounding drinks with his Bolivian next door neighbors. The one guy there was calling Evan’s drinking out pretty good which I thought was hilarious. We spent the night in the Clarendon part of the area and even though the night was fairly standard, it was still fun.
Party Hard Het!

Saturday morning was a BBQ for Hetrick’s recent engagement. We watched some World Cup, played pong, Kan Jam, and other normal outdoor activities. The food and company was excellent. Evan and I left at around 8 because I had an early tee time the next day for a 2v2 tournament.

The Round From Hell

I want to make every 30 year old alcoholic aware that drinking 3 days straight is hazardous to your health. I got up at 6:30 on Sunday feeling parched. I sort of knew I wasn’t feeling so hot but with a 2v2 golf match I had to man up. I went to Wawa and drank a coffee and got a Sizzli and here’s the clue in, I couldn’t eat the Sizzli. I took two bites and couldn’t finish it. I picked up Sam L., my playing partner, and we made our way to the driving range. I hit a few balls and was topping everything. As I told the Shee in a previous round a few years ago, it felt like my arms were disconnected from my body.

I stepped up the to first tee box and blasted one up the middle. I hit a PW to about 10 feet and made par on the first hole. Easy game. On hole 2, I hit a drive that went less than 10 feet. I was lucky I even hit the ball. After advancing the ball on my second shot, I MISSED the ball on the 3rd shot. At this point I knew I was in more trouble than I thought. My hands were shaking and my hand eye was so messed up that when I would address the ball, I had this feeling that I couldn’t hit it. I somehow managed to get through a few more holes until hole 8 and 9 where I once again basically missed the ball off of the tee box. Our playing partner was the commissioner of the association and I felt like such a jackass. I finished the front with a 48 and we were 2 back.

At Sam’s advice, I downed a beer at the turn and this amazingly settled me down. As Sam put it, “this isn’t a fix, only a band aid.” Fortunately it worked well enough to have me save face and shoot a 45 on the back for a 93. We lost the match on hole 14 but it was never in question. I was actually relieved when we lost. I know a 93 doesn’t sound like the worst round of my life, but in sheer embarrassment, it topped the cake.

What I look like today.

Getting older does a few things, it allows me to understand why this happens and it’s no secret. Dehydration. Alcohol also impairs reaction time and mental acuity. By the time you are dehydrated, it’s too late to save yourself by pounding water. This may not have been the case when I was 21 but at 30, I still feel dehydrated today. I can’t drink enough water to get back to normal. I’m not complaining either because I do this to myself. I’m just making readers aware because this is factual. If I had to breakdown the amount of alcoholic drinks I consumed over the 3 days vs water I think it would be close to 50 – 3. I remember drinking 3 waters. So there’s a lesson and what happens to the body under these conditions. Fun weekend though.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:06:37-04:00July 7th, 2014|My Life|2 Comments

Death of the Salesman

You Can Get a Good Look at a Butcher’s Ass…

Even if you’ve never sold a widget before, I hope you’ll find my sales voyage riveting enough to read past this first line. The simple theme to this post is what worked then, doesn’t work now. 1,282 miles over 2 days gives me some experience on the situation.

We Only Have 42,000 Left

I woke up at 4:30am on Monday, slicked my hair back, and put on my lucky selling shirt and pants. I looked so money, I didn’t even know it (and neither did anyone else). I was traveling to North Carolina and looking to half cold call my way into new sales and half make more sales to existing customers. I’ve made trips all over the surrounding Pennsylvania area and this would be my first visit this far south.

My biggest customer

I got to Raleigh, North Carolina at around 12pm and met up with a business owner who has been involved in the roofing industry for 40+ years. Him and my dad go way back and I’ve grown to admire his vision in creating a company from nothing. We talked about business relationships, products, deals, and past vs future times and I got a good understanding of this man’s journey through life. At the end of our time together, which was about 3 hours, he said, “Don’t take anything too seriously. You only get one shot at life.”

At this point it was near 4pm and salesman knows to quit before 4. I Googled a hotel in the area and found a Best Western for $61 dollars. It was a long day and I caught 2 hours of shut eye before waking at 7pm. I drove 20 minutes to a nearby park and went for a run. I snapped this pic and pondered everything about what I was doing on the road and in my life.

Another Day, Another Dollar

I woke at 6am and got some breakfast and plotted out my course for the day. Being able to plot your route is a necessary skill about being a salesperson. Some tips:

Have an existing customer list and/or potential customers addresses
Have a map of the area
Get your GPS out and put each address in the GPS to know which order you want to visit each business

With seeing a mere single customer the previous day, I had a lot of stops on my plate. I started in Raleigh and found customers in the Duke (Durham), UNC (Chapel Hill), and Wake Forest (Winston-Salem) area along the way. My day concluded with a trip further south to Charlotte. Within the course of the day I had made at least a dozen stops and made one sale for $314. This was discouraging to say the least.

I had the opportunity to stay one more night and do similar visits the next day but I already knew what to expect. I drove 8+ hours home and arrived in my bed at 2:30 am.

Here’s what I learned:

The days of an individual salesman selling for a small business are over.

There is no more door to door. Business is done on a corporate level and smaller mom and pops are rapidly disappearing. If you are small, you flock to the internet. The business model for smaller company’s has to involve the internet or else they will be out of business in 5 years. Involving mobile to do business is truly the future.

The skill of getting in front of people and making sales still exists but the landscape has changed. 50 years ago consumers didn’t know what was happening down the block and now they know what’s happening on the other side of the world. Back then you maybe had 3 options for a product, now you have 300. The goal becomes showing the customer why your product would improve his work / life. If you can’t do that, you can’t sell shit.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:05:41-04:00July 2nd, 2014|My Life|2 Comments

Laura Hates These Post’s

Jon, I have no idea whether that title is right or not. I know Laura hates these type of posts where I write about why no one reads my blog, but she is also going to hate this individual post. So “Laura Hates These Posts” would be that she hates every one of these type of posts and “Laura Hates These Post’s” would be that she hates individual posts like this. My best guess is that since the word “these” is used, it has to be the way it is.

On to the main topic. My analytics said that 384 people visited yesterday. That’s a lot of people. This is not saying they reach the home page, but they reach a page on the blog. Direct traffic is about 100 people a day. I think that I can call out the people who read this blog:

Sam & Gourlay – Fellow website owners and blog enthusiasts.
Bud – Long time friend
Laura & Brookes – Family
Evan & Adam – Work readers
Chad & Nikkii – Race buddies
Jon – Editor
Jeff – Brother

These are people who I am in contact with an can ascertain read the blog. This is a sausage party with a weird middle. The other 374 people, where are you coming from?

To also keep Laura happy and produce some content, I went to the Spruce Harbor Park opening last night which is on Spruce and Columbus Blvd. They sold, my guess, 1,000 tickets to this event for 11 bucks each. To the right is a nice picture of a happy group during the event. Only 2 of these people are blog readers.

In other news, I hit this bet last night which shows some uber degenerate coming out in me.

Weekend coming soon.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:07:21-04:00June 27th, 2014|My Life|5 Comments

Tex Mex 5k in Hot Hot Heat

Last night I did the Tex Mex 5k. The race was held in Lansdale and it was 80+ degrees and humid. It’s a fairly sizable 5k getting 1,500 people to run.

I parked my car about a 5 minute walk away in a large parking lot which was nice. I stashed my keys under my tire and a woman of 50 years saw me do it. I thought that if she was going to steal my car, more power to her. I ran over to the starting area and got my bib while also getting a bracelet which entitled me to a free beer after the race. I ran back to the car and dropped off my t-shirt and ID and headed to meet up with CK4 and Nikkii. We met at near the starting line and Nathan was there too helping out with the race.

There weren’t many people in the front of the race so I was able to get a spot easily. There seemed to be a few decent runners but I wasn’t sure what to expect. The race went off exactly at 7pm and I was running with the 2nd pack of about 10 people. A few girls were with me and I figured that wouldn’t last.

We came through the first mile at 5:30 or so and I was feeling pretty good. A half mile uphill followed and then some downhill. The 2 mile time was messed up but I hadn’t felt like I slowed down much. After another longish uphill, someone in the crowd said it was all downhill from here. I wasn’t sure if that was true or not (turns out it was) and I started picking up some distance on the guys in front of me. A turn at the end led to the finish line and I had a mediocre kick. I finished at 17:28 which was good for 9th place. I was pretty pleased.

Nikkii broke 27 minutes which was good on a hot day, Lisa was 29:30, and CK4 managed a 32:45 performance which is a head shaker. We met up afterwards and ate the chicken/salsa mix, chips, and a delicious cookie. The beer by Prism was also quite good. They served it properly by having all the cups laid out and there was no line. We all ate the food together and lounged around the Tex Mex outside area where a band was playing.

I enjoyed the race and would do it again next year. The cost was 42 bucks which is on the high side but there were a lot of extras involved. All in all, money well spent.

By Tom Stortz|2015-05-04T14:48:48-04:00June 26th, 2014|Running|6 Comments

What’s A Busy Summer Schedule?

I don’t feel busy. People ask me to do things and I pretty much automatically accept without any understanding which dates I already have booked. I’m making this post 1) because it’s a post 2) because it helps me understand what I have going on. Calenders are for old people. New age people just agree and deliver.

6/25 – Sales trip around Philadelphia selling paint stores our paint scrapers. When I was younger I used to get a little nervous selling but I’m pretty much a seasoned salesperson. That doesn’t mean I can’t be more polished, but I’m way better than I was.
I’m so good at planning that my day will end up in Doylestown for the Tex Mex 5k with Nikkii and Ck4. It’ll be my first race in my lighter shoes so I’m hoping for a good time. Margaritas afterward.

6/26 – USA game at 12pm and then a party at the Spruce St Harbor Park. I have some German business associates who want to watch the game via Skype but there’s no way I’d give them the satisfaction of watching the game with me if Germany does indeed win.

6/30-7/2 – North Carolina sales trip. Never done it before and it will be a lot of driving. I also intend to golf after visiting companies which will be awesome.

7/3 – Steve Miller, Foreigner, and Styx concert with Sam and Alex. I’m not sure anyone knows what to expect. My first feeling is that we’ll bring the median age down by about 20 years but these are the key groups from the ATHF episode and the Foreigner belt.

7/4 – Drive down to DC to celebrate the engagement of Hetrick. Big Hafe will be in attendance and it should be a good time.

7/6 – 2v2 Better Ball tournament. Sam (not my brother) and I won our first match in 20 holes and I’ve been playing better as of late. Not great, but better. If I can get a few rounds in before, I can play better than my 16 handicap.

7/12 – Phil’s 10k. I’ve been playing more basketball than running so I’m going to have to put in some longer runs to run a competitive time. No expectations at this point.

That’s about everything that I can think of in the next 20 days. It seems like a decent amount but I’m pretty sure I can fit plenty more into that schedule. Any suggestions?

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:06:16-04:00June 24th, 2014|My Life|1 Comment

Theo the Dog

I didn’t cry.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:07:34-04:00June 24th, 2014|Videos|0 Comments

Learning in 2014

I read somewhere that it’s important to learn something new everyday. What I’m going to share are going to be relevant to the times. If someone from 1900 went through this list they’d be like, “what the fuck is he talking about.” In the rare scenario where someone is reading my blog from the year 3,000, every morsel of information would be irrelevant.

My house.

Buying > Renting (although only slightly) – When I was in the process of buying a house I’d read everywhere how much better buying was than renting. Newsflash, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Real life estimated example, I’ve been a home owner for 8 months and have given the bank upwards of 15k, the principal on my mortgage has been paid down about 2k. All money goes towards taxes and interest for the first few years. Meaning if I wanted to sell, I’d hardly have paid off any equity on my home.
Brita – I recently bought a Brita after many years of being a case of plastic water bottle person. Since the water is always in the fridge, is tastes cold and refreshing. The downside is I always have to fill it up and it’s in the kitchen which is floors away from my bedroom. The change is not a big deal though and I would have saved hundreds of dollars on water over the years.
Jack Antonoff – He is the lead singer of Bleachers and is also a member of the trio Fun. I knew Nate Reuss from Fun. ,but the rest of the band was a bit of an unknown to me. I think this is pretty impressive to be part of a huge band like Fun. and then drop the popular song, “I Want to Get Better”.
Dehumidifier – I bought a 15 gallon dehumidifier for the basement. If I could go back in time, I would have spent the extra hundred plus dollars and got a 500 gallon dehumidifier. The damn thing fills up nightly and 365 empties of a dehumidifier are worth a hundred bucks to me.
Dave Franco – He is James Franco’s brother. He played the drug slinging high school kid in 21 Jump Street and then the frat brother in Neighbors. Today was honestly the first day I learned that he was James Franco’s brother.
Twitter Will Win! – It has the most up to date information on just about anything you can think of. I’m noticing more people joining Instagram and it’s about time that Twitter starts becoming even more mainstream. Where else can you find tweets like this?

You really can’t beat the game. If you earn anything, it’s minus taxes. If you buy anything it’s plus taxes. #IRS #Taxes

— THE.IRS (@TheIRS4u) June 23, 2014

Iggy Azalea – She has a fat ass. Aside from that, Fancy has crossed the 100 million plays on Youtube which is a big number. The voice that she generates doesn’t sound like it should come from her which I think is a key reason for her success. Oh yeah, she has a fat ass. The video plays off of the movie Clueless which was clever.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:07:00-04:00June 23rd, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments