I know the 6 day hiatus between posts is probably killing some of my fans but I am back now for a week and then I get to spend another week down the shore. I spent the last week down in Ocean City, Maryland which I think is accurately described as Sea Isle on steroids. The whole atmosphere is just juiced up down there. Naturally the week we picked to go down was senior week and there were loads of young girls walking around, which is a great if you are a high school senior but I’m 27 now. I think most girls who are 17 just consider you a creep when you get to be 27. We were making jokes about things from the 90’s that would pass for a relevant ID check. One girl didn’t know what Seinfeld was which just blew my mind. Do you know who Gordon Bombay is was another funny.
I’m not really going to go into a day by day account of what I did because I just don’t feel like explaining what I did for 6 days of nothing. The title of this post is going to be my theme. I also want to point out if you know me you know I’m not racist and I’m just trying to be funny. If you get offended you can give me a dead arm next time you see me. Basically my week consisted of beach people problems. My red cup that contained my beer kept getting sand in it. My beer was pouring out with way too much foam on the beach. It was 100 degrees on the beach instead of 90. The water on the beach is a couple of degrees too cold. My sun burn is itchy. The bars are too far apart. You get the idea. The weather for the week was perfect and there wasn’t one day I didn’t get to the beach. I also prevented becoming a lobster this year because I used sun screen smartly.
I also came home a day early which seems ludicrous I know but I was finished after 5 days of partying. I went on a stretch on Thursday of 14 straight hours of drinking beers. I would guess I consumed about a case of beer by myself, probably more. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m a quitter. I was partied out and I left for my health. I’ve hardly ate anything today and I have to assume that’s my body working off the thousands of empty calories I put into it. But I survived without any incident with coastal highway or any injuries. Things went to plan and I have no complaints. I was even made a rookie of the fun police with my strong stand on why people should swim in front of the life guards and why you need to look both ways 100 times crossing coastal highway. I might go into some more detail later but I’m tired right now.