Evan asked me if I was introducing the “hot take” (this is what I used for my Pop Up Beer Gardens Suck) as my new segment and I won’t because it’s too overused. Everyone has a hot take and I’d say my takes are more lukewarm which doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.

Hate this screen.

Today’s post is on why I don’t listen to Podcasts. I equate putting on a podcast to playing a DVD to watch a movie. It’s too much trouble. This may come of as maniacal and ridiculous but those 10 seconds of action deter me greatly. For instance, I don’t mind going to MyDVR but hate going to On Demand. MyDVR pops up instantly and OnDemand loads for about 3 seconds.

Soon sports will be played by robots but that’s a different post.

Of course this isn’t the only reason I dislike Podcasts or you could considering putting me in an asylum. My main problem is that it isn’t LIVE. I’d rather watch a baseball game live (a sport I minimally like) vs a replay of the PGA ( a sport I have much interest because of Draftkings). In a live setting ANYTHING can happen (it could even be a boat). A replay is censored. Podcasts are thought out. Live radio is spontaneously. Last night I was listening to sports radio where Jon Johnson was rattling off his top 5 action movie stars. I asked myself wouldn’t I rather be listening to a thought provoking podcast? No I wouldn’t.

If you don’t know the movie, you can’t argue with the list.

In case you were wondering his list was 5. Steven Segal 4. Bruce Willis 3. Tom Cruise 2. Sylvester Stallone 1. Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don’t believe Segal should be on the list and Harrison Ford should be 5. I’d even bop Tom Cruise with Mel Gibson.

I’ve only ever listened to one Podcast in my life and that was Serial which I somewhat enjoyed but finished with an underwhelming feeling. I’d must prefer Making a Murderer to a podcast which is another reason why I don’t like podcasts. Video trumps audio. Soon Virtual Reality with trump video. I also don’t like to feel like I’m wasting time so the idea that anyone and everyone can make a podcast is a turnoff to me. At least with TV you know someone is spending at least thousands to share their idea. I also find them to be too long. People talking for an hour is not entertaining to me. I can’t feel restricted when I spend my time on entertainment.

So there you go. Podcasts suck and you’ll probably disagree and point out 25 podcasts that are awesome and I won’t listen to any of them. Just kidding but you’d have to really twist my arm and then better be right about it being good.

Long title but I couldn’t think of how to shorten it without it being more confusing.

I tend to have many conversations where I have no idea what the person I’m talking to is talking about. This can range from global topics (about once a year) where I don’t know what’s happening in Turkey or a mix up when I’m ordering food (once a day) when a cashier asks if I want 2 or 3 and I can’t understand that they are talking about how many sugars I want (isn’t it predetermined?). This happens all so frequently that I’ve developed a system of going with it.

Just a funny gif to get you to keep reading.

My first thought when someone is telling me anything is “does this person know what they are talking about.” I’ve pretty much determined that 99% of the time they don’t. A person has to prove to me that I should care about their points because the more someone thinks they know, most likely, the less they do. I respect it much more when someone tells me that they have no idea what they are talking about and this is only an opinion then people who preach gospel about any one topic. If you go through life remembering this little tidbit, you’ll be better off: most people don’t know shit but want you to think they do.

Since you know, that I know, that I know nothing, you’ll read this post with the understanding that you shouldn’t listen to it. When people talk to me about the myriad of knowledge that I don’t know, whatever you do, NEVER ask them to explain it. Here’s an example, a person at a party  says to you “can you believe Hillary Clinton violated the FOI (people pretending to be smart love using acronyms) law?” There are 2 possibilities that can occur:

1. You say you don’t know what the FOI  is and then the person immediately looks down on you, you ruin the flow of the question by having them explain it to you, and then you are in the middle of a conversation that is trending downward. I will say this would be an unusual lead in as an ice breaker.
2. You say, “what a bitch.”

How I plan to talk to people after writing this post.

You obviously have never heard of the FOI law because you’re a normal human being who doesn’t give a shit about politics because they are corrupt and you are so far out of their world that even considering trying to join the party is a nightmare. So to respond in way #1 is asking for trouble (unless you really give a shit but then you probably wouldn’t be saying you don’t know what it is to begin with). #2 is following along and giving the person what they want. This is the key to life. Follow along with people because people love themselves and the world swims along if you play along. Obviously you know that learning is a crucial element to life so I’m obviously being one sided in this post because there are intelligent human beings on this planet but each conversation holds it’s own weight and it’s better to play along then get caught up. Question everything.

What’s the difference between 1 inch? A huge indentation in your waist and total discomfort.

When I’m feeling the leg game.

I like to purchase my clothes from Amazon because it’s cheap and I don’t have to go to the mall. I usually buy the Dockers, non-cargo, shorts for $24.99 in various colors. Back in college I ballooned up to a 34 waist and since I’ve been out I can comfortably wear a 33. For whatever reason I decided that there can’t be much difference between 32 and 33 and figured I just ran a 5 year PR in a 5k so I must be slim and trim. Unfortunately that extra inch makes a belt fit nicely compared to suffocating the life out of me.

Just so everyone knows how tough I am.

Which brings me to the need to always wear a belt. I can’t quite explain but I feel naked without a belt. I don’t doubt for a second I could wear all my shorts and jeans without one but the idea that it always will keep my pants up is comforting. Plus it would be so weird pissing at a urinal without a belt Any other takers who can’t leave home without a belt?

I was having a small day…

A final pant issue is that I bought some Tommy John underwear to try out and they have a pocket in the front for what I assume is your Johnson to poke out without having to drop your drawers peeing. You can see it in the picture. Instead of pulling the waist band below your dick, you reach in the pouch and grab it up and through. I will touch my penis if I have to when at the urinal but usually I just drop it with my waist band and prop it up and out. This way I don’t have to touch it and never have to wash my hands. Just kidding. Can’t wait to shake your hand next time I see you…

I spent about 2 hours making the celebrity meltdown post. It was a pain in the ass finding the pictures, dating the pictures, and organizing the data. I point that out because it’s not a post that comes together in a few minutes like this one. If you check the counter on the bottom right of the sidebar, you’ll see yesterday produced 274 people, with 120 coming from Facebook. So when Dave Gildea writes “clickbait” under my posts, let’s just say I might know what I’m doing.

Ben likes my traffic

Of course 120 people isn’t a huge amount but still nothing to sneeze at. It makes me want to create a part 2 of the same exact topic and use an even more revealing picture as the feature image. Title and image are all people care about. I personally thought the content was very good for that post. I’m not saying I couldn’t have done a better job if I felt like scouring the internet for worse pictures and further details of hot celebrity female collapses but I have better things to do. Oh wait. No I don’t.