We Don't Walk Slow

27 Dec, 2010

Couple Days Off

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-28T12:51:26-05:00December 27th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

So I didn’t go to work today which gave me a nice little 4 day vacation. It’s given me some time to catch up on some reading and watching TV. My family got together on Christmas and did a little gift exchange which I think can be ruled as a success. Sam got me a case of beer, the Soprano’s first season, and some other intangibles. Jeff got me a dozen Pro V’s which I’m sure to shank in the woods first few times out. I got Jeff a Beer making kit, Sam a wireless mouse for a laptop that was mouseless, First Season of Dexter for my mom, a shaving kit for my dad, and I got Laura a scarf from Calvin Klein which got me to 100 dollars and a 10 percent savings. Sorry Laura. We had the Schmidts over and then saw some relatives and it was a Christmas that went off without a hitch.

The next day I went off to Barnes and Nobel and bought some books. I got the Girl Who Kicked the Hornets nest (which annoyingly is only a hardback and Laura wasn’t enthusiastic on reborrowing from her friend), the first Harry Potter, Alice in Wonderland, and a translated version of the Canterbury tales (I read these were entertaining). I finished Harry Potter last night which was under 5 hours of reading which isn’t much when you have nothing to do. It’s geared to the simple, teenage mind but I see where it’s mass fan appeal stems from. I haven’t decided whether I’ll finish the series or not but I’ll consider it. I’m going to start Alice tonight and see where that takes me.

I finished the first season of Modern Family and the show really grew on me. I always puts myself beyond network Sitcoms but this cast of characters has something that draws you into liking them. I honestly have nothing bad to say about the characters like how annoying one is or how I wish they’d off that one. Every scene with Gloria is captivating for obvioius reasons, Phil’s humor is priceless, and I found Alex to be my favorite character even with her limited speaking roles. Two thumbs up from me on this show and I’m going to watch the 2nd season on Hulu.

No Monday entry would be complete without some mention of Fantasy Football which is sadly coming to an end. The Wild Turkey’s won the Shiva Bowl against Ck4 in undramatic fashion blowing his team out by over 100 points. I’ve never had any success in Evan’s league so it feels good to get off the shnied. Just to point out though, this is the 2nd out of 3 years that a Stortz has taking down the championship. I have a trophy that I’m going to doll up and make it the TC for an entire year. I’ll have pictures in a soon to be post. I lost to Sam Levin in the ESPN league which has no 2nd place prize. For being as inept as he is, he won the regular season, most points, and the playoffs. I’ll take down Bill and Bud’s league if Roddy White and Garrett Hartley go for less than 25 points which is about a 50/50. Not to leave out, I beat Chad in the 3/4 game too in Baker’s league. Sorry CK4, I haven’t beat you in 4 years?!? Owned.

I’ve gone to the gym early in the last few days and have been feeling moderately healthy. I’ve cut both treadmills runs short though because I was feeling lousy. I notice my strength increasing though on the select machines I use. I should have a good week though of working out with not much to do. Half day at work tomorrow and then I’ll probably go to the gym and see if there are any pick up games. With the roads like they are because of the inconvience of a snow storm, combined with the holiday season, I don’t expect much action at work and it’s still good time for taking it easy. I haven’t been black out drunk in a while now so my stories are lacking. I’ll update when I have something to tell.

24 Dec, 2010

To the Sheee

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-28T12:51:51-05:00December 24th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

I’m writing this entry for the Sheee who is stuck at work on Christmas Eve. Yesterday he asked “why am I the only one who has to work on Christmas eve?” Like a dick, I answered “because your a peasant.” He brushed it off but I’m not insensitive to other people and no one like to be called a peasant. Bottom line Sheee, you work for one of the most respectable banks on the planet and even if they grind you tooth and nail, it’ll become a prestigious position. Much more recognizable than an employee at Stortz Tools. So just so you know I respect the position and the amount of time that goes into working there.

Now, I got ridiculously wasted last night at Mad River because I didn’t have to work today. Kristen and the Noise was playing and I love Kristen. She has a tight body and can sing amazingly. She doesn’t quite top Sofia Vergera on my list of girls I love but I wouldn’t say no if anyone asked me to see them. Lindsay, my #1, shared with Lauren, was working and this is another girl I love. Mad River gets expensive after there specials and it’s nice to know someone working there who knows how to make a good mind eraser. I actually did an experiment of taking a Vitamin B supplement to help cure a hangover and the dehydration factor and it barely worked. I still woke up at 12:30 and didn’t know how I got to my bed. I think I remember having fun…

Today is Christmas Eve and I have nothing to do. I bought all my presents and am considering going to the Gym to play some BBall even though I’m not exactly feeling up to it. Maybe I’ll go home and spend time with my family because it’s that time of the year. To all the people who read my blog, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. Thanks again.

23 Dec, 2010

Nothing Doing

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-23T09:59:23-05:00December 23rd, 2010|My Life, Sports|0 Comments

I went to the gym yesterday and ran 5 miles in 29:15. The funny thing about treadmills is that they aren’t all the same. LA fitness specifically has one turbocharged machine that is labeled with a 95sp or something like that and it lets you speed the machine past the usual max of 12.0 mph. Not only is this machine the fastest but it’s also the most stable. If I can’t get this one particular machine, then I’m usually not too happy. Point being that I’m not really sure if that time is legit or not because it’s a treadmill, but I’ve used a lot of treadmills and the one I used is the most consistent and best, so I give that time some credibility. I also want to document it so if I ever look back at where I was at 27 physically, that’s not half bad for an old man. I know I’m a treadmill snob. I’ll get on the machine, start it up and if the console shakes or the cup holder makes noise, I get off and find a new one. I also sweat more than any individual in the entire gym. After I get done with the treadmill, it looks like it’s just been through the car wash. It’s amazing too that not once have I ever fallen off or ever felt that I was near falling. I wonder what the maximum speed is that I can lose footing and keep myself up with my hands if it came to that. Enough treadmill talk.

Holiday break is upon most people and it’s a fun time to spend time relaxing, reading books, watching movies, and staying fit. Instead of all those enjoyable activities, I usually spend mine buying cases of beer, getting drunk, trying to pick up girls, and then dealing with hangovers. Some girls recently ask me if I’m a player and I just have to laugh at the accusation. Yes I do go out fairly often to the bar to attempt to pick up females but my success ratio is pathetic that I can’t possibly be a player. This next break though is a good time to go out though and I’ll see if I can note any conquests in this blog. Honestly though I just go out to have a good time and anything that happens, it just happens. Usually I’m too drunk to be coherent anyway. Now if people wanted to hold that against me, no argument from me there.

This is a short day at work and then I’m going to get myself a nice JRP cheese steak, hit the gym, and then prepare for doing nothing. Kristen and the Noise is at Mad River tonight and Big Ben is getting ready to lay a goose egg. CK4, good luck in the championship game but the Championship Wild Turkeys are going to gobble gobble their way to victory. The line was -14.5 for the Steelers / Panthers but I think it’s too many points for a team that put up 19 points vs Buffalo, 13 vs Baltimore, 23 vs Cincy, and 17 vs the Jets in their last 4 games. Carolina stinks I know, but people will lean towards the Steelers and you want to against the public is what an article I read in the Wall St said today.

22 Dec, 2010

Amusing Myself

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-22T08:39:55-05:00December 22nd, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

I finished the Girl Who Played With Fire and although the book wasn’t as good as the first, it was a decent read. The ending is completely ridiculous and the way things came together was a little odd but I couldn’t put it down for the last 100 pages or so despite it being absurd. I haven’t decided if I want to read the 3rd in the series but probably will just to pass some time over this holiday break. Also I like to have a good grasp on what is popular at the present time, even though these books are years old. I would go into detail on what I liked or disliked about the book but most people aren’t going to care.

On the same note of paying attention to what people are watching, Bake lent me the DVD series of Modern Family. Everyone always says how good of a show it is and I’ve watched the first 6 episodes to test it out. First off, it’s network TV and its jokes don’t really fit my crude, dirty humor but the show is entertaining. I wouldn’t put this show anywhere above shows like The League or Californication, but it has its moments. Sofia Vergera is the best character far and away and it has nothing to do with her mediocre acting. Since it’s network TV she is usually covered up by non-revealing clothing but it really makes you look forward to shots of her in her gym clothes or anything else low cut. It’s actually better than seeing her naked because it leaves it all to the imagination. I could probably write more on Sofia but just to keep this readable, the show is well written and I give a lot of credit for finding funny things to happen without any lewdness or profane material. I don’t find the kids all that funny. Cam and Mitchell have their moments. Phil has probably become one of my favorite characters only cause he’s really awkward and he crushes hard on Gloria and I like how they do that subtlety. Claire is a good backbone and I think they make Jay’s character too hard but it’s good for the show.

Just another quick TV update after I read an article about the 20 worst shows of the year. They had Glee up on the list and I have to agree wholeheartedly. The show really took a dive with all these themed episodes and the storylines just got lost and stupid. I haven’t watched an episode in months now and can’t say that I really miss it. The had Boardwalk Empire on the list as well and I am also going to agree with this. I know CK4 thought this was an awesome show but it really just wasn’t compared to things like the Wire. It was slow and boring at times and the more I think about the season, the more I agreed with the articles review. They had Treme on there as well and I see how it made the list. I watched it in it’s first season and the action just wasn’t there. A horrible show that made their list was Running Wilde with Will Arnette and Keri Russel. I heard Will on Howard Stern before it was set to air and you could hear it in his voice that he was basically begging people to like the series. I watched the pilot and there wasn’t one funny scene and it was awful. Shows that I intend to watch that people like, The Soprano’s has passed my life and I’ll try to watch it in it’s entirety. I also want to watch Breaking Bad and Mad Men.

Things are just moving along otherwise. I managed to take 2nd place in a 180 man tourny for 400 bucks which I promptly split in half playing some bigger stake games. I wrote yesterday that I cashed out 500 in my sports betting account which is still off of my initial 50 dollar deposit in week 1 of the NFL which if I do say so myself, is pretty impressive. I still have 100+ dollars remaining in Bodog even after a pretty atrocious pick of the Sixers last night. It’s still profit so I’m not complaining but due to some poor bankroll management recently, I still have a ways to go to make up for some losses. Money just swirls around me from winning to losing and it probably should be my key New Years Resolution. Whether it’s poker, sports betting, stock markets, strip clubs, I tend to err more to the spending side then the saving side and at my ever increasing age, it’s probably time to wise up a bit. Alcohol tends to lead to these wild decisions and that obviously goes hand in hand with my last sentence. If you read my prior 427 posts you’ll see that this isn’t the first time I’ve wrote this and if I went back to exactly one year ago today, I’m sure it says the same thing. However I am who I am and even though I have my faults, there is some good behind my ways. What good is it? That’s a question for the ages.

21 Dec, 2010

Full Circle

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-28T12:46:34-05:00December 21st, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

I haven’t had a post since Friday so I guess I’ll take a minute or two and write down what’s been going on. Ck4 and I met up with the Shee on Friday night to see Mr. Greengene’s who had a less than anticipated crowd. Saturday, Bake, Chad and I went to Jess and Meghan’s party which turned out fine. I’ll spare the minor details. On Sunday, Bake and I went down to AC to meet up with Weller, Gusto and a few others and I managed to lose a good sum of money at a 1-2 poker table. Fortunately I was up $500 bucks in sports betting which offset some of my losses. I once again will spare the details but let’s just say the table thought I was obnoxious and the worst player on the planted. I was literally playing every hand with a raise and I have my fair share of faux pas’s.

Yesterday I need Joe Webb to go for 9+ points if Jkash didn’t play Gerhardt but he did and I ended up losing by 3 points. I won the other 3 games though and moved into the Championship next week. Evan’s league will pay me 275 and that doesn’t even include the bet I had with Hafer saying I would score more points than him. I won my game in Steve’s league by .1 and get to play Sam L who badly needs to lose a game which would pay me 200. I think I had the best team in Bud’s league and have put up solid weeks consistently and hope to win that one as well. All in all a good fantasy season.

I received a bizarre text message from Hafer asking me why I don’t have bar soap and it’s for this exact reason. l don’t care if people use my shower but bar soap grosses me out if multiple people get their hands on it. I just like the gel because it’s fresh from the bottle and I don’t have to worry about it being bacteria ridden. Sure people will the make the case that soap is bacteria free but people’s hair gets all stuck in it and I just don’t like the idea.

Works been slow and people are prepping for the holidays. I’ve done my shopping and actually feel pretty lousy but I’m hoping I will feel better in the next couple days. I have some stories from the past couple weeks but I’ll save them for another time. Not my best entry, I’m aware.

17 Dec, 2010

Celebrity Children

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:39:24-04:00December 17th, 2010|Celeb|2 Comments

It’s funny when celebrities have babies because the children grow up in a completely different world than the mass population. Everything is provided for them, they never have to work, they pretty much can do as they please. This is also why they end up with drug problems, DUI’s, sex tapes, and other amusing stories to make their parents proud. I’ve chosen a few of my favorite and just want to give a run down of my thoughts.

Connor Cruise

HUH?!? You’ll notice he’s black and he’s the son of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Obviously adopted. Who wants to put a child, he’s 15 now, through this type of celeb pop culture. What married couple thinks to themselves, hmmmm, lets adopt a black baby so we can really stand out as caring and giving back. Hey Angelina and Brad you might want to listen to this, picking out kids isn’t like a pet store where you get to choose which one is the cutest. It’s great that this kid gets to live a far better life than he would otherwise but what a weird situation to grow up in especially when the parents are now divorced. Not to mention they both were able to have biological children with different mates, Cruise with Holmes and Kidman with Urban. If the kid was white I wouldn’t think anything of it but I just don’t get the thought process. Off topic, does anyone else think Nicole Kidman is the most boring actress on the planet and I can’t say I’ve ever liked one things she’s been in.

Willow Smith

This little kid is 10 years old. I feel bad that she won’t see a normal childhood and will probably turn at some point in her life. Will and Jada have plenty of money that their children don’t have to work at a meager age of 10. Sure she gets the exposure at a young age and probably won’t ever leave the limelight, but I just feel bad for her. That can’t be her real voice singing whip my hair because I swore it was Rihanna and 10 year olds can’t sound like Rihanna. Plus her eyes make her look Asian. I don’t hate on the child, I just think it’s too much at a young age.

Sadie and Sunny Sandler

Little know Sandler is married to Jacqueline Samantha Titone, who I’ve never even heard of and they have these two monstrosities. I’m not sure if Adam Sandler is that good looking of a guy but these two girls are fugly. No acting career for them growing up. The wife is good looking so it’s obviously Adam’s fault. I have no problems with Sandler either. He pretty much moved into a huge drawing actor starting from the ground up and I respect that. He’s made some dud movies but the guy has so much money that he probably doesn’t even care and just makes the movies however he sees fit and if people like them great, if not they can go fuck themselves. But these kids have no future.

Suri Cruise

Now look at this little adorable girl. This is a masterpiece from the amazing, good looking genes of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. There is no bad things anyone can say about two gorgeous people getting together to produce this little baby cutie. We will be seeing her in the tabloids throughout her entire life so get used to her. I hope nothing bad on this child because she is a little angel.

Montana Fishburne

Easily the best one. Decides to be a rebel and express herself by making a sex tape. Morpheus obviously was against this but to his dismay, here we are. I’ve watched the tape before and I found it to be moderately boring. She’s a decent looking girl but if she wasn’t Laurence Fishburne’s daughter she’d be another run of the mill porn star. This is what happens when good girls go bad.

17 Dec, 2010

Gift Buying

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-17T12:01:32-05:00December 17th, 2010|My Brain|0 Comments

When it comes to the holiday season, it’s always a nice thing to buy a certain gift for someone who you value as a friend or for a certain family member. The great thing about gifts is that they can be big or little, cheap or expensive, but the thought that is put into them is what really counts. Anybody can go to the store and buy an item and give it as a gift but the person who is good at giving gifts thinks about the person they are buying for and then tries to suit their tastes. For example, last year I got my dad a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. Yes it’s $200 dollars a bottle but it’s something that when he receives, he understands the value of what I’m getting for him. Honestly, this isn’t the best gift because it’s just feeding an alcoholic but every once in a while I play to the devil.

As my family has gotten older we have sort of moved past Santa giving present to everyone and we just do a secret Santa type of a deal. If any of my siblings read this, I’m probably going to buy a gift for each person just because I enjoy it so this doesn’t mean that you have to do the same, I’m just a more giving person than you. Kidding. It’s funny though because I don’t really ever purchase gifts for my cousins or aunts and uncles. It would probably be the nice thing to do and they’d never see it coming. It would probably make them think how nice and thoughtful of a person I was and would pay its way in the future for their perceived value of me. If I were to do this and none of my other siblings did the same, they’d think I was an ass kicker and would look down on my conniving scheming. Sad thing is that I’m spilling all my great ideas in this blog and I know that these people I’m talking about read it.

Quick gift giving story that I’ll never forget because of how brain dead some people are. CK4 is using a mouse circa 1995 and I thought it would be a good idea to get him a new one for the holiday season. We’ve been friends since elementary school and roommates for a few years now so I thought it’s just a nice thing to do. I get the mouse and give it to him. I know this puts him in an awkward spot because he didn’t get me anything in return but he didn’t know I was going to buy him anything so it shouldn’t have really mattered. Now if he had social common sense (he must not) he would accept the present, say thank you, and make me feel like I was a nice person and did a good thing by using the gift. Instead he refused to open it and after a couple of weeks I just took it back returned it, and bought myself a season of the Wire. It’s not like I gave a gift of a gold bar or something that would make your head spin. It’s a 30 dollar mouse that might improve your quality of life because your old one is the shittiest, dirtiest mouse I’ve seen. Get a clue. He knows I’m half joking on this matter and I find the story more entertaining than insulting because I know how he thinks and he doesn’t mean it as an insult, but just doesn’t know how to receive something for nothing.

Sadly I wait until the 17th to do my shopping and it’s sort of annoying because ordering things online is my favorite way to shop. As is I sometimes will have to 2nd day air goods to make sure they get here on time. I plan on doing some shopping on Saturday and picking out a few things here or there. Honestly when I do this I tend to find more things for myself than other people and don’t hesitate to spend money on myself as well. This is a fun time of the year and basically what you work for. If you can’t spend money during this holiday season for yourself or others, what better time is there?

16 Dec, 2010

Missed Thursday Post

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:23:22-04:00December 16th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

I try to post daily but I missed yesterday because I was feeling a bit under the weather. I have a feeling the excessive drinking, combined with dehydration, and then factoring in 30 degree weather might have had something to do with it. I literally went to sleep at 5 yesterday and would sleep for a few hours, wake up, do practically nothing and then try to go back to sleep. I had a sore throat and it just made it unbearable. I’ve been drinking lots of fluids and have been feeling like myself again. I even passed on Mad River Thursday in order to recover.

I did have an interesting day though today. I got to work at 6 because I couldn’t sleep and finished up taking the inventory for the company. I worked til 12 and then went to get a hair cut and went to the mall. On my way back the GPS navigated me up broad and onto Roosevelt which was a bad idea in the nasty weather. I was bumper to bumper for an hour and a half and when I finally made it to the top of Green Lane, the real fun began. People were literally inching down Green Lane riding the brakes. I had a beemer in front of me with rear wheel drive that was having major issues. Well naturally the genius behind me overestimated his stopping ability and drilled the back of my car. In sheer amazement my car didn’t have even a scratch and I am still in complete disbelief. I may have to do a further check and it was dark out, but I’m fairly certain I got away unscathed.

I’m finished up the Girl Who Played With Fire and I’m pretty captivated by the story. I find the characters easy to relate to and the book is easy to read. It’s 700+ pages but I think it’s taken me less than 2 weeks to read. I picture Blomkvist like Daniel Craig and Salander like a tatted up Kristen Stewart. She might be a bit prissy for the part. Laura has told me the 3rd book isn’t worth reading so I’ll enjoy the end of this one. If you’ve read any good books lately I’d be happy to hear any suggestions.

Other than that life has been pretty normal and I’m looking forward to the holiday season. I read a post I wrote last year about the end of the year and I was in ultimate bender mode. I haven’t quite reached that point because there are still a couple work days left before complete freedom. I will be certain to let everyone know when that point is reached.

15 Dec, 2010

Raiders of the Lost Ark

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T17:39:44-04:00December 15th, 2010|Movies|0 Comments

I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time tonight and was intrigued. To say it’s a 4 star movie might be giving it a bit too much credit but it’s a decent story although incredibly unrealistic. I suppose the subtleties of the plot are well thought out like the monkey eating the fruit before Indiana and the girl showing her drinking prowess which really didn’t come into play at all. Some scenes are hilariously unrealistic like him passing under the truck but all in all it was entertaining. I have the other two DVR’d so I’ll watch them in due time. Now I finally get the crate scene at the end which is parodied off of many times. I must say that Harrison Ford may be one of my favorite actors. There’s just no reason not to like him.

Also let’s pat myself on the back for the Sixers pick to extend a nice run of sports bets. They almost blew it at the end as I only watched the 4th quarter. When you bet on games it makes the game watchable but the only thing that ever matters is the last few minutes. Sure blowouts happen and you feel like a genius when you are on the right side but more often than not the bookies have decent spreads that make the games interesting. Clutch foul shooting helped the Sixers win this game and to cover for 6 out of 6 games.

Nothing else new and just looking forward to the holiday season.

14 Dec, 2010

2 Week Betting History

By Tom Stortz|2010-12-14T16:18:23-05:00December 14th, 2010|Sports|0 Comments

In the past two weeks, I’ve gone 16-6 with my sports betting picks. Sounds unbelievable I know considering I’ve been bouncing around from NFL to NBA to College Football. What’s more unbelievable is how little I actually know about each of the sports. My general philosophy is that you don’t have to know specifically about the teams but a dissection of the line with a combination of whether the team is playing well or on a losing streak. 3 of those wins have come off of Sixers covers and that’s because the Sixers started off the season poorly, have a bad record, and have just started to play much better basketball. If you can take advantage of situations like that where their record might be 6-15 but they lost 3 that they should have won, these are times when the shitty team can cover against big spreads. Tonight they square off against the Nets in New Jersey as 2 point favorites. The Nets haven’t covered in their last 5 and the Sixers have in all of their last 5. I’m going to put myself out there and say that I think that the Sixers are going to cover this spread. I’m not going to bet my house on the game and it has setup written all over it because that simple analysis is what the bookies expect the public to do. The fun part about gambling is that if you think that is what they want you to think, you take the Nets. I try not to over think games though because it just makes for a mess. Stay tuned.