Stortz Family Throwbacks
These clips are from the early 90’s and won’t have an interest to most but for people who know the family, they should provide some entertainment.
Bad Writing With Good Acting
As Jeff and I were driving back from a late night (Mario) party, we drove by the Union Transfer which is concert hall for rock events. It was about 32 degrees out and a concert just let out so people were all over the sidewalks. Jeff said that he’d always wanted to pick someone up and charge them less than a taxi would (what!). I than thought of picking up some randoms and having them think we were going to drive them somewhere and than jacking their stuff. This lead to the idea of us picking them up and reversing it so the strangers would hold us up. The weapon in this reverse stick up would be humorous and some funky object like a pen or slingshot. As we pondered this scenario it made me think that people who create Movies and TV shows are just constantly thinking of funny scenarios like this (I’m sure not everyone would think it’s funny). Good writing comes from this idea of being able to create scenarios which are both entertaining and tell a story. The good actors are the ones who can take a scenario as described and make it good. This brought about the idea that the best actors are the ones who can take mediocre writing and still make it better than the thousands of other actors out there. These are the people who deserve the awards.
Bad Writing with Good Acting
(I hope it’s not a surprise these are mostly comedy’s)
5. Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite
This story isn’t completely awful but the movie surrounds a geekish kid in the Midwest who runs for school President. It’s not a good plot and not much really happens throughout the movie but Jon Heder makes you enjoy watching Napoleon. He is the reason this movie is popular. If you didn’t laugh at that time traveling scene with the crystals…
4. Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura
Ray Finkle’s obsession with Dan Marino causes him to steal a dolphin and kidnap Marino in order to ruin the Dolphin’s Superbowl chances. I can’t see this idea coming to life with Will Ferrell being Ace Ventura. Carrey steals the show in every single aspect with his wackiness and oddball humor. I have to add though that he couldn’t overcome the writing of When Nature Calls so this ridiculous plot was far superior than 2. Nice scene.
3. Zach Galifinakis in The Hangover
I don’t particularly like Alan’s character (it tries too hard) but I can’t deny he was the best part of the first hangover. Over the top from every possible angle must rely on good acting because people don’t fall for bullshit. Stu and Phil are just Alan’s counterparts to this movie. Without the goofiness of Alan, this movie doesn’t have a part 2 and soon to be 3. Hard to perfect dumbness.
2. Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski
The plot to this movie is so horrendous that it’s good. The realism to the situation is acted out perfectly by Jeff Bridges. He’s a laid back guy who gets caught up in a unique situation with his hair trigger friend Walter. His acting is what brings the entire movie together because the Dude makes you like The Dude. Shut the Fuck up Donny!
1. Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa
I”m sort of partial here because I find the movie verbiage hilarious but this is the stupidest movie possible. An alcoholic and his midget partner rob malls. That’s it. A funny fat kid does some nice support but this movie has no substance whatsoever. Billy Bob envelopes Willie Stokes. It was the part he was born to play. This movie would get negative stars compared to the minimum 1 it received with Billy Bob at the helm. How to deal with a kid asking too many questions.
Honorable Mention
Ben Stiller in Zoolander – The male model plot line gives him some flexibility.
Mike Myers in Austin Powers – Austin Powers has good lines which makes him funny.
10 Funniest Movie Scenes
Here are my choices for the top 10 funniest movie scenes I’ve watched. I’ve watched various comedies from the 80’s like Airplane and Caddyshack and they don’t seem to carry the same humor that I find funny. I could have compiled this entire list with just Step Brothers and Super Troopers but expanded a little bit just because. I’m actually really disappointed that the quality of the scene with the gigantic cotton candy is terrible. I almost waited to post until I could take better footage with a camera of my own. I wasn’t able to find the Green Hornet’s gas gun which Sam knows cracks me up. I’m also sure there are tons I don’t remember but I still think this is a pretty solid list.
Step Brothers – I Smoked Pot With Johnny Hopkins
Super Troopers – Move That Gigantic Cotton Candy
Super Troopers – Liter of Cola
Austin Powers – I Also Like To Live Dangerously
Office Space – People Skills
Bad Santa- Fraggle Stick Car
Superbad – McLovin
Dumb and Dumber – Pets Heads Are Falling Off
Hangover – Rainman was a Retard
Zoolander – Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good
50/50
Instead of writing about a part of the movie ala here, I’m going to give my thoughts on it. 93 on rotten tomatoes and Sam’s recommendation slotted the movie 50/50 in my life. My general overview was that is was well scripted, contained good acting, and was a poignant movie. There were multiple times that I can say I was almost brought to tears. A movie that brings that type of emotion can never be bad. I thought the viewers ability to develop empathy for the characters involved throughout this movie enhanced an already great picture. I’m going to break it down a bit further with varying thoughts I had throughout.
The acting was phenomenal by Joseph-Gordon Levitt specifically. A good actor is one who plays the part so it appears natural. He absolutely nailed the emotional range of his character and condition. The sadness, the dealing with cancer, the anger, just everything about his character seemed legit. Seth Rogen is completely genius but for a completely different reason. He acts like a real person in real life when he acts in the movie. He’s not like goofball Adam Sandler funny, he’s like real 2012 how people act funny. The jokes in the movie are hilarious (see below), and Rogen provides comic relief for such a serious movie while still feeling like a serious best friend. My favorite was the first joke below for such reasons. I recognized Anna Kendrick from Twilight (just kidding…no I’m not) and at first I thought she was sort of ditzy and dumb but she really did a tremendous job transforming from therapist (following procedure) to a genuine person (expressing herself). Plus I sort of crush on her and just liked the character (her) in general. The mom plot line was perfectly structured and I didn’t really see the need for the Dad but I probably missed something. Fantastic cast though that wasn’t overly complicated and each served their unique purpose.
Here are a few random things I thought about in the movie:
– When Adam and Kyle are sitting on the bench towards the end, I started thinking about what you’d even talk about to someone who was close to you and about to die. The “it’s going to be ok” act is phony so it’s just a complete build up emotionally of really not knowing what to say. Remembering good times and just expressing friendship and how close human relationships can become seems about right though. If it was someone close I think I’d say “I’m so happy to have met you on this Earth.”
– I really liked when the one patient didn’t come back and Adam asked the other guy “what happened”, and the response was “what does it matter, his heart stopped beating.” That really put things in perspective of how one day you can be here and the next is never guaranteed.
– I didn’t really touch on the Adam/Rachael relationship. Like the rest of the movie, Rachael seemed real to me. Scared of the sickness, not willing to commit but not going to abandon her boyfriend who just got cancer. I liked how she tried to get back with him because I think it’s so typical in relationships and Adam saying “get the fuck off my porch” was a great line.
– I think the movie also shows how one person can effect so many peoples lives. Let’s just say he died, his Mom would be all alone. Seth Rogen lost his best friend. And the therapist is constantly thinking of what could have been if he lived. Dying is permanent and as a human you don’t really think about it like that. It’s just something off in the distance. The world keeps on turning.
– If you read the last point, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that smoking cigarettes is one of the most selfish acts a person can take part of. You are knowingly expediting the process of death. A big fuck you to everyone around you. Now this reasoning can obviously translate to saying anything that is risky or damaging is selfish. Don’t take this one too seriously.
I don’t usually write this much about movies but good movies are ones that touch emotions and leave you thinking. I’d honestly be curious what people think about my take on this movie and if you had any other thoughts about it. Over – under 2 real comments that don’t include Sam? I’m hoping the over on this one.
Some of the better jokes from the movie:
Kyle: I fucking nailed that cunt! Can you believe that?
Claire: Oh, God!
[disgusted at his swearing, Claire walks away from Kyle and he follows behind her]
Kyle: I don’t usually say that.
Kyle: Has she been sucking on your dick, been giving you blow jobs?
Adam: No. She doesn’t like to.
Kyle: She does…No fucking shit she doesn’t like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? You do it cause that’s why they call it blow jobs! It’s a job!
Adam: You just always hate my girlfriends.
Kyle: That’s not true. Okay, it is actually. But it’s because you always date people who are fucking dickheads, man. You date needy bitches. Why?
Happy Madison Sucks!
I want to go over how bad Happy Madison, Adam Sandler’s production company, has become. I watched Grown Ups last night and this was the biggest piece of turd I have ever seen. Talk about not funny one liners being the entire plot of a movie that tries incredibly hard to be funny. When you try too hard, it becomes not funny. Add in a bunch of actors past their prime and you have a complete toilet of a movie. David Spade is so lame in this movie that I felt bad for his life. Aside from Tommy Boy, he’s never been good. Rob Schneider isn’t funny and making his character eccentric doesn’t make it funny. Chris Rock is the least athletic black guy ever. I couldn’t find a laugh in this entire flick. I would usually let one Sandler movie slide because he’s becoming an icon but after further review, Happy Madison doesn’t make funny/good movies. It’s the same old shtick but 10 years after it was first funny, it’s just not anymore. This was the most boring movie I’ve seen in a long time and creating this blog entry doesn’t let enough people know how shitty his career is turning. Let me go through a few of “Happy Madison” productions in the past few years:
Paul Blart – Mall Cop
The House Bunny
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry (Jessica Biel Bra Scene, Yes Please!)
Click (Sam cried)
Anger Management
Joe Dirt
The Animal
Little Nicky
The Hot Chick
Deuce Bigalow
I left out Mr Deeds, Benchwarmers and Grandma’s Boy because I liked them but there are still another 10 shitty movies on that list. Happy Madison doesn’t create good movies. They are a marketing machine that takes your money and does a half ass job making movies. Adam Sandler wasn’t always bad but he progressively got worse as he got more famous. Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore set the stage. The Wedding Singer and the Waterboy fell off a bit but Big Daddy might have been the pinnacle. After Big Daddy came the creation of Happy Madison and that was it. No more plots, no more story, just stupid ideas to try to make people laugh. It became about the money at that point. Adam Sandler, I’ve made fun of your ugly kids in the past and now I’m dogging on your production company. Nothing against you bro, but these movies are half ass and awful.
The Change Up is Gonna Suck
I’ve expressed my dislike for Jason Bateman here so it should come as no shock that I think this movie is gonna blow. Without really knowing the plot, I think the movie is Freaky Friday except with 2 men playing the parts. Ryan Reynolds is the other lead and I really don’t have a problem with him. Olivia Wilde and Leslie Mann also star. Olivia has never done anything of any consequence and her main job is to look good and Leslie Mann gets roles because Judd Apatow is her husband. I’m sure the plot is going to be terrible but I also want to point out why Jason Bateman is going to ruin this film and why he sucks.
I will not see this film.
Star Wars Trilogy
I wanted to give my opinion on the first 3 Star Wars movies (episodes 4,5, and 6). I’ve always felt Star Wars is one of those movies that you should just have to watch just so you understand when people make references to it. For years I’ve seen bits and pieces but I don’t think I ever sat down and actually watched it from start to finish. Now I can say I’ve done that. I haven’t done any research about how critics felt about these movies but I think that’s better anyhow. My thoughts will be my thoughts.
I thought the first one was decent, Empire Strikes Back was the best of the 3 and the Return of the Jedi was just a little too dressed up for my liking. I thought the first one was sort of slow and not much really happened. I already wrote that blowing up the death star should have set back the empire financially and probably crippled their future plans. The trash compactor scene was really dumb because they were being chased and they jumped down the chute, how would the storm troopers not know where to look? How was ObiWan moving around the death star so easily, it’s like a city and there are people everywhere who should be noticing him dressed as a Jedi. I know these are small things but stuff like that bothers me.
I really liked The Empire Strikes back. The beginning part was sort of hokey but the movie has to be somewhere. The Yoda training was what it was. When he struck Vader in the forest part, that didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. It was pretty risky of Luke to jump down that hole that led to nowhere to escape Vader. I thought the Han Solo, Leia, Lando plot line was OK and it’s nice to see the good guy not always win. Aside from the strange ending with Luke hanging on and being scooped up after they should have been being chased, it was pretty entertaining.
I thought the Return of the Jedi was pretty dumb actually. How does Jabba move around? People seem to fear him a little much considering he doesn’t really have much mobility. How on Earth did Leia have the power to strangle him? I thought Luke was way to powerful to be played by Mark Hamill. Something just felt wrong with that. The Ewoks seemed a little to weak to be battling the empire. The emperor, Vader and Luke was also just sort of strange I thought. Not may favorite Star Wars.
So that’s it. Now I can say I have my own opinions on Star Wars movies. To be alive on this planet, seems like something you should have general knowledge of.
Source Code and Adjustment Bureau Afterthoughts
I’ve watched two movies in the past two days, Adjustment Bureau and Source Code (spoilers within), which spurred this post. To put things simply, sci-fi isn’t my cup of tea because they involve false realities and happy endings. Without really breaking the movies down, I find the concepts borderline stupid and I think people just say these movies are good because they don’t want to sound dumb because they don’t understand what’s going on. In the Adjustment Bureau, there are a group of special people, who wear hats mind you, that turn door knobs clockwise and can travel at rapid speeds through these doors. Matt Damon is supposed to be an important political figure and it’s these special peoples job to keep him on his “plan”. However, a strange love interest deviates from the plan and love wins in the end with a lot of drama for essentially nothing. In the source code, Jake Gyllenhaal (who did a fine job of acting for this movie) is borderline dead but his brain works, he can enter the source code which allows him to assume the role of a dead person and relive the last 8 minutes of their life. Now amazingly these 8 minutes are altered depending on his actions within the source code which is easily the stupidest part in my mind. He eventually finds the information of the bomber and prevents a terrorist attack which they show as the present. Then the directors even take it one step further for unnecessary shock value and as he goes in again, saves the train, starts sending emails and calling people, and then people in the present start getting his communication from the source code. Plus the ending plays it out like he saved events that apparently already occurred in the present. Seriously, WTF?
I know it’s a movie and it’s supposed to be interesting but once it loses touch with reality, it loses me. I can live with some weird, far out shit in movies and still think it can be a good movie. Back to the Future is a perfect example of time travel that was a four star movie in my mind. The Matrix seemed like a reasonable, parallel universe. But once you start telling me that Jake Gyllenhaal actions in a fictional world, CREATED FROM A DEAD PERSON’S MEMORY allow him to gather NEW information, you lose me. I can’t overlook this and say this is a 4 star movie. Michael J. Fox can travel 88 miles per hour in a DeLorean and time travel, I’m fine with that, but don’t insult my intelligence. However, I ask the question was I entertained? Yes. The movie kept my interest but I’d still give it a thumbs down on Rotten Tomatoes. I’ve been on this authentic and truth binge for a while now and I’m sold that these ingredients make for superior results in just about everything. Make me feel like what I’m watching or reading is authentic and I’m much more apt to think it’s quality work.
The second part of this post is happy endings. I think they didn’t end the Source Code by shutting down his body and terminating him because they wanted to have a happy ending. I would have liked the movie more if that would have happened. Instead, the Source Code becomes a magic land that he can communicate with the present. I don’t need a happy ending to think a movie is good. Leave me feeling emotional and I can at least say the movie moved me. I’m part of a target audience who doesn’t care if the good guy always wins. I’m not a child anymore and I understand that not all movies are geared to emotionless realists like myself. I think I’m just really disappointed with the quality of movies that are coming out and also the way these critics review them. I read some moron on rotten tomatoes write “This movie awakened my seasonal urge to buy ice cream treats and turn my brain off for 100 minutes, so get ready for summer, everyone.” Any movie where I have to turn my brain off shouldn’t be considered good. I feel like I’m constantly being a harsh critic but for god sakes, someone has to do it.
Adults Creating Childrens Movies
The Neverending Story was on a movie station and I ended up DVR’ing it and watched it this afternoon. The last time I watched this movie was back when I was around 10. Obviously my interpretation of watching it today differed drastically from my earlier remembrance of this movie. I always thought that this was a movie geared to children but after seeing it today, I think I was misguided. Back when I was 10, I suppose I just watched this movie to watch the movie. I never really understood anything that was happening other then I was being entertained by moving figures and some bright lights. This is a pretty involved movie that has concepts that no 10 year old could ever understand. My 10 year old memory had a talking, flying dragon, a boy reading in the attic, and Atreyu the incredible warrior who turned out to be a 13 year old kid. After watching it today, the nothing was a creative concept for destroying people who had lost the desire to think and Bastian, the main character, was the mastermind behind Fantasia and all that encompassed it.
Which got me thinking that this movie was created by adults and was probably made for adults, kids just happened to like the creatures involved. The movie had a budget of 27 million and was the biggest budgeted movie of its time in 1984. It’s misleading because Bastian is 11, Atreyu is 13, and the empress looks like a 10 year old girl so you think it’s made for kids because all the main characters are kids. Everyone else in the movie is either a heavily make up’d creature, a giant prop, or some other poorly designed paper mache pos. This isn’t a movie that a 10 year old is walking out of and saying that he’s going to start reading more because he related to Bastian’s experience and wants to live in Fantasia’s fantasy world.
Now maybe I was just a retarded 10 year old but I was watching this movie today and was still trying to figure out what was going on. The world of Fantasia is disappearing, because Bastian is reading about it disappearing, and for some reason he’s the only person who can not only stop the destruction, but also the only one who can create Fantasia to begin with. And the answer to stopping all the madness is naming the Empress?!?!?! Now if that’s only a little far out, he had to learn that he was actually a part of the story by following Atreyu’s journey by reading about it? Seriously, how is a kid supposed to figure that out? That’s why I still can’t figure out if they tried to make the movie for kids or adults.
That last sentence then got me thinking about how adults are always the ones who are creating movies for kids which makes me think that this is such an easy market to enter. Adults don’t really know how kids think and are just guessing half the time at what kids like. Fortunately kids minds are relatively simple and they like virtually everything which makes this market easy to penetrate. Any person who writes Children’s books for a living has basically conceded that they can’t write anything intellectual and have to dumb down anything they do to try to amuse 5 year old’s. The people at Disney who have to create these movies for kids must hate their lives. They constantly have to dumb everything down to work into the mind of a child. Funny jokes about hookers, priests, and all race jokes are all useless to these people. Being an adult and writing scripts for children is hell on Earth.
Basically, a movie is either geared to children or for adults. This Neverending story was neither which is why this movie only grossed 20 million and is never really highly regarded as good. This movie is actually bad. I actually missed the first 30 minutes but I can describe what I saw. For 5 straight minutes I watched Atreyu walk through a swamp. Then he was getting sneezed on by a giant turtle. Then they wasted more time watching him fly on Falcor which proved entertaining for 5 seconds, not 3 minutes. Atreyu then hastily runs through the Sphinxes gaze which was pretty silly considering he could have been vaporized. Something happens with a mirror and he finds himself flying again to another part of the world. He mistakenly kills a giant wolf in what has to be the worst battle scene of all time. He then talks to empress, who then calls out to Bastian, who then saves the world. It ended with the stupidest idea ever of bringing Falcor into the city to chase 3 kids. I can only imagine all the press a flying dragon would bring and what disruption it would have brought to the real world. Time to go though, Neverending Story 2 is on.
Movie Character?
I’m going to be ending this celeb quiz leaving Hafer, Hetrick, and Colleen the victors. I just made the one tonight for entertainment. Movie characters preferred over actors name. Meaning knowing who the actor is isn’t good enough if you don’t know the movie.
