About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

A Solid Sunday Showing

Lebron. Dustin. Jon Snow. Richard Hendricks. You name it, Sunday had it.

Lebron Stuffs IggyLet’s start with Lebron. Aside from the joyous pleasure taking Sam and Adam’s money because of their misguided belief in the Warriors, the game was awesome. Yes I watched GoT in between the 2nd and 3rd quarters, but that’s neither here nor there, because I’ve never pledged to be a die-hard NBA fan. The final quarter was tight and right with Lebron proving why HE is the best player in basketball and why Steph is still second fiddle. It’s hilarious to think that all it takes is winning a game 7 to become the marquee player but that’s the way it goes.

Gonna have a good night tonight.

Gonna have a good night tonight.

Dustin Johnson won the US Open this week in almost dominating fashion if you watched hole 18. Despite Shane Lowry coming in with a 4 stroke lead on Sunday, and subsequently blowing it throughout the round, DJ played solid golf when the pressure was the highest. For a guy who has blown so many leads and with last year’s heartache looming, I just felt like he was going to shank one into the crowd on the final holes and he never did. Even when some noise went off that caused him to reset completely, he still managed to hit the best shot of the tournament and HIS CAREER when he hit his 6 iron from 185 to within 5 ft on 18. Before this tournament I always assumed DJ would choke under pressure but he proved me wrong and I’m happy to see a golfer of his caliber clear the hurdle. It’s hilarious to think that all it takes is winning the US Open to become a marquee golfer but that’s the way it goes.

ramsay bolton snow game of thrones season fiveLast night’s episode of GoT was a roller coaster ride. Sansa Start coming in with some of the most powerful scenes of the series when she brought Littlefinger and some army I don’t know into the mix to aide her bastard brother. The arrow shooting scene with Rickon was incredible too. One small complaint, why didn’t the idiot run in some curved pattern? C’mon, Rickon, act like you’ve been there before. I’m pretty sure the entire fan base was sighing a strong sense of relief when Ramsay was firing arrows at Jon which he shield blocked. A sick character who finally met their end. All in all it was a wonderful episode that will be talked about whenever GoT is brought up. It’s hilarious to think that all it takes is winning the Battle of the Bastards to be the marquee character in Westeros.

I rarely write about Silcon Valley but Pied Piper is really coming together with its user interface. I particularly like Richard curled in despair in the nasty bathtub. It seems like every character is equally funny at this point. You’d think I would get tired of Erlich but his shtick just doesn’t get old. I was cracking up when he was saying how Richard saved them from their nose dive only to eventually end up creating another crater. Gavin Belson also deserves some sort of award as the best CEO of a fictional series. Hilarious when he was going to bring in the Opossum. Just want to share my still favorite scene from a few episodes ago.

By |2016-06-20T10:01:16-04:00June 20th, 2016|My Brain|0 Comments

The Genius of Nasa: What Song Would You Pick?

Taking directly from the new Chuck Klosterman book “But What If We’re Wrong: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past.”

Voyager

Voyager

“NASA sent the unmanned craft Voyager into deep space in 1977. It’s still out there, forever fleeing Earth’s pull. No man-made object has ever traveled further; it passed Pluto in 1990 and currently tumbles through the interstellar wasteland. The hope was that this vessel would eventually be discovered by intelligent extraterrestrials, so NASA included a compilation album made of gold, along with a rudimentary sketch of how to play it with a stylus. A team let by Carl Sagan curated the albums’s contents. The record, if played by the aliens, is supposed to reflect the diversity and brilliance of earthling life, This, obviously, presupposes a log of insane hopes: that the craft will somehow be found, the that craft will somehow be intact, that the aliens who find it will be vaguely human, that these vaguely human aliens will absorb stimuli both visually and sonically, and that that these aliens will not still be listening to eight-tracks. The likelihood that anyone in the universe will play this record is only slightly greater than the likely that my dad will play a Kendrick Lamar album, and my dad is dead.”

 

I had to laugh at this idea but it got me thinking what song would be choose to represent humans in 2016? Johnny B Goode by Chuck Berry was the song selected to by Nasa with “Here Come the Sun” by the Beatles in consideration.

mjThe idea is that you are picking a song to represent your musical culture and it can only be one song. I’d select Michael Jackson’s Beat It. The aliens would be exposed to the King of Pop and a song about masturbation to show the humans have a good sense of humor. What would you pick?

By |2016-10-29T12:08:32-04:00June 18th, 2016|My Brain|4 Comments

When 180-1 Odds Strike Hard

Adam informed me of this story which is absolutely incredible. Watching a smug lesbian (not that there is anything wrong with that) squirm that she made a terrible bet makes me realize some sweats are way worse than others. Here’s the story:

Jason Mercier is a professional poker player playing in the WSOP. He made a bet with Vanessa Selbst at 180-1 that he wouldn’t win 3 bracelets in this year’s World Series of Poker. Said bet was that he’d lay 10k to win 1.8 million. Winning 1 WSOP bracelet is a major accomplishment and consider that Phil Hellmuth holds the most with 14, and has been playing since 1989, shows just how difficult winning a bracelet is. Winning 3 is implausible…unless….

jasonMercierFULL

 

1 bracelet. No big deal. He still has two more to win…unless…

 

How much am I going to lose?

How much am I going to lose?

8 players left and the best player in the tournament has a massive chip lead. This is what you call a major sweat for Vanessa Selbst. When you make a bet like this you expect to bag 10k and move on. There is about a month’s worth of events left in this tournament and if Mercier wins this tournament, Vanessa Selbst is going to be squirming for the next month to not lose 1.8 million, which I’d assume isn’t just lying in her bank account. Here is what she wrote about the bet.

If Mercier wins this bracelet, I’ll make sure to update on this blog.

By |2016-06-15T09:36:51-04:00June 15th, 2016|My Brain|0 Comments

Unpopular Stances

19-chuck-klosterman-1.w529.h352I’ve noticed I tend to voice the opinion of whatever it is I’m reading so don’t be surprised if I contradict myself next week. While reading Klosterman’s “But What If We’re Wrong?: Thinking About the Present As If It Were the Past” he sort of confirms an idea that’s in my mind after losing a lot of money betting on sports. Whatever you think is going to happen is probably wrong. I’ll take this idea into a few stances that I have a feeling I’m in the minority.

 

 

untitled23I like Lebron James – I don’t understand where all the hate for Lebron comes from. He’s made the NBA Finals the past 6 straight years and has gotten in roughly 0 off the court trouble. He’s going to go down as one of the league’s best players with stats and even though his finals record isn’t as pristine as Jordan’s, he’s arguably been the best player in the league since he entered. He’s 11th on the NBA all-time points scored in a career and isn’t slowing down. The slights against him are “the decision”, which was 6 years ago for god sakes, and that he’s a crybaby and flopper. If you’ve watched any part of the NBA, every  single player is the latter. I hardly would say that I’m a HUGE Lebron fan but my like for him comes mostly from my next stance.

 

 

16mag-mouthguards-facebookJumboI Dislike Steph Curry & Hate Draymond Green – That mouth guard is the most unnecessary act with regard to functionality that it has to be done for attention. Can’t stand it. I respect Steph’s game like no other. His ability to knock down shots from anywhere on the court is amazing. It’s the smugness from him and the whole hoopla surrounding how revolutionary he is that gets me.  I don’t want to not like him but Klay Thompson is just so much cooler that he shows the appropriate way to behave. Plus, who else brings their kid to a press conference?

2GSVc72If I rate my dislike for Curry a 6, my dislike for Draymond Green is off the charts. I’m not sure why he isn’t getting more of a beating by the media (unless I’m not seeing it which is quite probable). It’s clear he’s a great player by the likes of last nights game in his absence. No one denies that. His dirty plays though are ABSURD. Like straight up bonkers. His play isn’t basketball. It’s the extreme opposite of flopping which people also go nuts over. See what I did there.

Look at how much a pussy Draymond is when LeBron gets in his face.

The Lowest of the Low (I think the first one isn’t that bad fwiw)

 

I like Donald Trump – I know this is dangerous but please read what I write before only reading the headline. Here’s a video of Trump protesters getting violent.

635793546682967201-54052938_3I don’t think that Donald Trump says appropriate comments or knows how to run a country. However, I do know that if people (and obviously this is a small sample size) are willing to attack people based on who they support, I’m against that, which in turn puts me pro people who are getting attacked.

Donald Trump is ludicrous. This comment about Obama after Orlando:
“We’re led by a man that either is, is not tough, not smart, or he’s got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can’t believe it. People cannot — they cannot believe that President Obama is acting the ways he acts and can’t even mention the words radical Islamic terrorism. There’s something going on. It’s inconceivable.”

So Trump thinks Obama knows more than he lets on with regard to terrorism which seems radical in itself. However, weird shit happens behind the scenes and to turn a blind eye to potential hi jinks in the Whitehouse is equally naive. Hilary wouldn’t possibly take the stance that no new “Islams” should be allowed in the country, as Trump wants,  so she retorts with tighter gun control which is equally stupid because if someone wants to do what happened in Orlando, they will find a way gun control or not. Both sides are solving an insolvable problem to please the people.

2d675712f6e22f08471dd58a1056bb6aI’m not a Trump supporter but the more I see how people react and how “wrong” he must be, the more I’m leaning to the idea that he must be right. I also think you’re equally stupid if you don’t like someone because of their choice of political party. Read this sentence and know that you are a simpleton if you show hate towards another person’s opinion.

By |2016-06-14T10:35:21-04:00June 14th, 2016|My Brain|6 Comments

The Non-Binary Gender

tumblr_mleoqlPxvw1rgerj6o1_500Those with non-binary genders can feel that they: Have an androgynous (both masculine and feminine) gender identity, such as androgyne. Have an identity between male and female, such as intergender. Have a neutral or non-existant gender identity, such as agender or neutrois.

I was going to write an entire post on how I disagreed with there being other “non-binary” genders. Then I started reading a few opinions on the subject and thought to myself that it isn’t even worth taking a stance on the subject because I understand zero about it. This forced me to bookmark this post until only a few hours I read this from Chuck Klosterman’s new book “But What If We’re Wrong…”.

How-rich-is-Wachowski-Brothers-800x445“The Matrix was written and directed by “the Wachowski siblings.” In 1999, this designation meant two brothers: as I write today, it means two sisters. In the years following the releases of the Matrix, the older Wachowski (Larry, now Lana) completed her transition from male to female. The younger Wachowski (Andy, now Lily) publicly announced her transition in the spring of 2016. These events occurred during a period when the social view of transgender issues radically evolved, more rapidly than any other component of modern society. In 1999, it was almost impossible to find any example of a trans person with any any realm of popular culture; by 2016, a TV series devoted exclusively to the notion won the Golden Globe for Best Television series.”

bruce-jenner-vanity-fair-caitlyn-transgenderThe book delves into how whatever you think you know now will be radically different in the future. You have no idea. So when I was going to write this post that you are either born male or female, in 2100 it’s possible that there are 10 new genders, This is pure speculation but the premise of Klosterman’s book is that you are most likely wrong. I like this.

I truly don’t understand how someone can be born a male and think they are a female (or neither for that matter). It’s estimated that there are 700,000 trans-gender people in the US which is less than 1% of our continent. This is not an amount that makes it a necessity to create a 3rd bathroom. My feeling is that these people would want to be treated like everyone else which is exactly how I would.

tomrexLaura said over the weekend that I’m accepting of other people even if I don’t agree with their stance and I believe this to be true. I’m a firm believer that every person has their individual thoughts that shouldn’t be squashed by A-holes with radical opinions. That doesn’t mean I have to agree with them but it also doesn’t mean I’m going to put up any resistance. I believe if you are born a man or woman and want to be  non-binary, that’s up to you but understand that many people are not as open minded. They believe that God created man and woman and that’s how this world works. I believe that I don’t know how this world works and if I wanted to be a T-Rex, accept it. But this does should show how ridiculous people can get with their ideas.

By |2016-06-13T22:40:51-04:00June 13th, 2016|My Brain|0 Comments

People Are Dying

So you probably heard about Muhammad Ali (74, Boxing Legend), Gordie Howe (88, Hockey Legend), Sean Rooks (46, Sixers ass’t coach), Manohar Aich (104, Indian Body Builder), even Peter Then, the Indonesian Priest who drowned, lived up to his name. Bottom line, people are dying. Quickly.

bubonicplagueBased on this article, it’s apparent that the plague is back. Plague is an infectious disease that is caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis. Depending on lung infection, or sanitary conditions, plague can be spread in the air, by direct contact, or very rarely by contaminated undercooked food. The symptoms of plague depend on the concentrated areas of infection in each person: bubonic plague in lymph nodes, septicemic plague in blood vessels, pneumonic plague in lungs. It is treatable if detected early.

Early Warning Signs

Early Warning Signs

Now before you run into the bomb shelter and start making sure you have enough rations, it’s important to stay calm. Yes, people are dying off at a rapid pace, but it’s not the time to overreact. One could argue that media coverage has gotten so prevalent that you’re bound to hear about more people dying than ever before. It can also be argued that without the media, a person like Kimbo Slice would never have been famous in the first place so you wouldn’t have heard about him dying. These are both relevant arguments but let’s screw our heads on straight for a moment. The bubonic plague / Black Death was resting for the last 700 years and is returning in full force. I urge you to buy the stock NVAX which produces a vaccine for RSV which has nothing to do with the Black Death. However, with your funding, I’ll contact the CEO and make him aware of my inkling which I’m pretty sure will result in mass scientists being put on researching a cure. Get with the program people and avoid the black death. You’ve been warned.

By |2016-10-29T12:08:45-04:00June 10th, 2016|Celeb|5 Comments

That Time I Bought a David Bowie Shirt

7 summers ago I decided that I needed to buy some new t-shirts and decided that since I loved my Led Zeppelin T-shirt so much, I’d go with 3 new band shirts. I went to a website and bought a Boston, Van Halen, and David Bowie t-shirt. If you had to ask me now why I decided to go with these 3 bands I’d say:

bostonBoston: I had Boston’s self titled CD Boston and thoroughly enjoyed the  tracks Rock & Roll Band, Smokin’, and Hitch a Ride. In my mind they were a cool classic rock band who had a cool logo. My allegiance was half-hearted though as I couldn’t even name the lead singer. I figured they would be a cool, not as popular band to support.

vanhalenVan Halen: I was really into the song Dreams and I’ll Wait. I didn’t know much about the band except that they rocked hard on guitar and were big in the 80’s. The t-shirt signified that I also rocked hard and did a lot of drugs, which I certainly didn’t do much of either.

This exact shirt.

This exact shirt.

David Bowie: I knew nothing about David Bowie personally. No idea about his Ziggy Stardust phase and effeminate stage costumes. His bizarre Mick Jagger duet for Dancing in the Streets was another example of the Bowie I didn’t know. I knew the song Changes and Space Oddity and he seemed like your typical rock artist who was big in the 70’s and made quality music.

“Bowie is a Fag”

bowieOne day 7 summers ago I was attending a baseball game wearing my Boston shirt. A guy who was probably 45 and didn’t know me at all said he liked my shirt. I said my thanks and told him I also bought a Van Halen and David Bowie shirt. He said, “Van Halen’s alright but David Bowie is a fag.” Ever since that day I’ve never worn that David Bowie shirt again.

I really like Bowie’s music. I think Life on Mars? is top notch and Starman is incredible. The Thin White Duke made some ever-lasting music of which I haven’t even listened to more than 5%. So even wearing the Bowie shirt made me a poser but it never occurred to me that Bowie was viewed as such from the general public’s opinion.

66741The clothes you wear give indication to what you support and publicly supporting David Bowie made me uncomfortable.  This was because I was insecure that people would think I was a fag because Bowie was one (by one man in a park in Pennsylvania). How could I let this one man completely alter my uneducated opinion of Bowie?

Would I wear a Bowie shirt today? That’s a pretty good question. Since he died it’s pretty much unconscionable to make fun of a dead person. Our culture has gotten so weird though that it seems better to just stay off of everyone’s radar. Don’t go too far left or right and blend in to limit interaction with the trolls of the world. Did anyone read about the runner who identifies as a female but who is really a male? The fuck is that? Get it together America and David Bowie is not a fag…unless you watched the music video and then we’d have to reevaluate.

By |2016-06-07T17:05:21-04:00June 7th, 2016|Music|1 Comment

Inside Music’s Best

As mention in a previous post, I’ll be using Your Favorite Band Is Killing Me by Steven Hyden as my resource. This post will share the videos of what I promise to be sheer entertainment if you weren’t aware these rivalries/bizarre antics existed.

Eddie Vedder & Kurt Cobain Dancing

“Just real normal”

James Brown invites Michael Jackson and Prince on Stage With One Light Casualty

Prince was coked up which explains the strangeness of how he was acting, he was also pissed off that Michael made James Brown bring him up on stage. Because Michael knew that Prince couldn’t say no to James & Prince didn’t want Michael to upstage him, but as the story goes, Prince was severely pissed off at Michael for this.

Nirvana’s Performance at the ’92 VMA’s

Bonus – Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic hits himself in the face with bass throw at 5:16
MTV forbid Nirvana to play “Rape Me” so you hear Kurt troll them in the beginning. You’ll also hear Dave Grohl screaming “hi Axl” (from GnR) at 5:49 which relates to this story:
It started when Courtney Love shouted a snarky comment at Axl, asking him to be the godfater to her unborn child, Frances Bean. Axl (allegedly) told kurty, “you shut your bitch up or I’m taking you to the pavement.” Kurt then turned to Courtney and sarcastically barked, “Okay, bitch, shut up.” Then Stephanie Seymour, Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue star and Axl’s girlfriend, turned to Courtney and said, “are you a model?” To which Courtney replied “No – are you a brain surgeon?” – excerpt taking from Your Favorite Band…

Taylor Swift Gets Interrupted by Kanye West

Fairly recognizable scene but the odd part is that Beyonce won “Video of the Year”, but did not wing best Female video, which goes to show how stupid not only the awards are, but Kayne as well.

Sinead O’Connor Rips Up Picture of the Pope

Essentially committing career suicide, Sinead rips up a Pope picture. I read that this gesture was more about the Pope abusing children, and she was also abused while she was younger, than a “fuck religion message”.


Kid Rock vs Tommy Lee

“Through my relationship with Pam… I was raising his kids…we just got divorced…he called me a piece of shit…I told him next time I see him I’m going to punch him.” – Kid Rock
The best part of this feud was Tommy Lee calling him “Kid Pebble.”

14 Year Old Bieber’s “One Less Lonely N*****”

Title says it all.

King’s Of Leon Drunk on Stage

“I’m going to go backstage for a second, I’m going to vomit, I’m going to drink a beer, and come back out and play 3 more songs.”

By |2016-06-05T19:01:39-04:00June 5th, 2016|Music|0 Comments

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