One Wed and Thurs I went down to the Baltimore, DC, and Virginia area for a business trip with my dad. I will be referring to my dad as JC for the rest of the story. My dad is an interesting person and in this post I am not making fun of him, only making fun of the situations he gets himself into. If you read this and you are friends with him I prefer you not to tell him about this post because it could make him self conscience (doubtful) and not act like his normal self.
I wake up at 5:30 on Wednesday. JC has been up since 4. I packed the night before. I brought two dress shirts, two pair of pants, two shoes, and a pair of casual clothes. I shower and am dressed and ready to go by about 6am. JC comes down with 2 sport coats, 4 dress shirts, 4 polos, 3 pairs of pants and is flipping out that he hadn’t had the chance to try on all his clothes to make sure they fit. We end up getting out of the house by 6:30.
I drove and JC is the ultimate passenger driver. If I’m in the wrong lane he’ll be sure to ask me why am I not in the fast lane. I have a theory that the left lane is always the fastest in tight traffic. There is no point to switch lanes, just ride the left. JC loves the Waffle House. He knows of this obscure one off some random exit that we go to. It’s not bad, but I think it’s incredibly unhealthy (not that I really care). We get to our first stop and I pass it on the opposite side of the road so JC suggests a U-turn. I come to the first spot with a sign that specifically says no U-Turns. I do it at the request of JC and literally there’s a cop at the top of the hill immediately after I do it. We luckily escape and he tells me that I have to watch for cops, yeah thanks JC. At one point we came to a fork in the road I was like, “JC, which way?” He’s in the passenger seat and points to a direction. Considering i’m driving I’m not looking over to see where he’s pointing and from my angle it looks like he’s pointing perfectly straight. So I start telling him just say left or right and stop pointing like a tard. After that little rift we moved on.
We make a couple more stops and then it’s time for lunch. JC loves diners so we go to another one of his hotspots. He isn’t the sharpest person at times and leaves his glasses at one of the stops but thankfully remembers at the last moment. At the very next stop he ends up leaving his briefcase in the person’s office so the guy ends up delivering to our hotel which was lucky. He was freaking out at one point because his pants were too long and he ended up stepping on some gum and it got on the pant leg. So after he was done complaining about the tailor we finished the day. I went running in Rockville which is just super highway galore so it wasn’t very fun. Our day ended with us going to another diner. A hilarious thing he does when he’s eating and talking at the same time is that he uses hand gestures. It always seems that he has this glass with a ton of liquid in it and he starts waving his hands frantically when he’s talking. I just sit there watching, thinking if I should tell him to be careful. On one hand i’m hoping he knocks the glass over just so that it will teach him a lesson. On the other I’m not looking forward to the mess it will make. The glass escaped unharmed this time though.
We wake up the next morning and we check out and get on the road. We go to another waffle house. After getting on the highway, I’m about to merge and JC just took a swig of mouthwash. He puts his window down and then starts spazzing out telling me to pull over to the shoulder. I’m like what the fuck is wrong, are you having a heart attack. He ends up opening the door and spitting out the mouthwash. He tells me that he was chewing a wad of gum and it would have been a problem if he spit it out the window. Moving on. There is a customer in Vienna who is a very unique person. Years ago he told my dad that he looked like the 2nd baseman for the Orioles. So we go into the store and there is some usual banter and the guy says to my dad, “you know who you look like, Chase Utley. No, No wait a second you have a real big nose, you look more like Ryan Howard. At this point I can barely control myself from laughing but the guy was a bit out there. We leave that stop and go to eat at yet another diner.
His final hurrah came on our way home when we stopped at a dairy queen. I get an oreo blizzard and order him a banana creme blizzard. After I order he decides he’s hungry (2 hours after just eating) and orders a quarter pounder and a water. It costs $4.28. We leave the DQ and he wants to eat in the car. About a quarter mile down the road he realizes he forgot the water. Then he looks at the burger, takes one bite, and says “this isn’t for me.” I’m thinking “wow, nice way to spend $4.28.
He’s not the easiest traveling partner but he does a good job as a salesman. I had a good time on the trip and we didn’t blank so it was worth it. I’m sure everyone thinks their dad is a bit quirky from time to time but these are first hand experiences of some unusual occurrences. He certainly has some unique qualities but I’m happy he’s my dad.