It’s 8:06am on this Monday morning and I’m at my work desk tightening life / work related issues up. I’m well aware that it is an off day but there is a feeling of guilt from not working. I’m sure other people have this same feeling but it has been getting more pronounced the older I get. I think it probably has something to do with increased responsibilities and more activity. Therapists would surely use the word stress but I would disagree.
This weekend is a good example of how this feeling arrives. After work on Friday, life was good. Business was rolling and I felt fine. I went out on Friday night, drank too much but encountered no problems, woke up with a head ache, and my world flipped from good to bad feeling. I lost a few bills at the Sugarhouse casino, sober mind you, and was kicking myself for that. I didn’t have the heart to party it up Saturday night. Yesterday, I was lounging by a pool and this feeling of remorse was carried while I was doing nothing, “just enjoying life”. Evan and I played some tennis and then I went for a run but I couldn’t shake this bad feeling most likely caused by a combination of booze and gambling. I stayed in last night to shake the cobwebs.
I feel better today but even better because I’m at work being productive. It’s the slothful nature brought on by alcohol that gives me the emptiness. This sounds like a simple fix, stop drinking. However, even if I was sober yesterday, the idea of doing nothing wouldn’t have changed. Is it bizarre that I actually like work? Or perhaps better put, I need work as part of my life. Today while I type this blog, I’m already ahead of where I was yesterday. I’m then going to clean my car, go for a run, play golf, and wind down by learning German or posting another idea.
I try to have a point to these posts but when I get to the end I just scratch my head and make something up. I should also add that I’m not looking for any types of sympathy with a post like this. This is just genuinely how I feel and that’s what this blog is about.