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15 Feb, 2013

10 Funniest Movie Scenes

By |2016-10-29T13:28:00-04:00February 15th, 2013|Movies|5 Comments

Here are my choices for the top 10 funniest movie scenes I’ve watched. I’ve watched various comedies from the 80’s like Airplane and Caddyshack and they don’t seem to carry the same humor that I find funny. I could have compiled this entire list with just Step Brothers and Super Troopers but expanded a little bit just because. I’m actually really disappointed that the quality of the scene with the gigantic cotton candy is terrible. I almost waited to post until I could take better footage with a camera of my own. I wasn’t able to find the Green Hornet’s gas gun which Sam knows cracks me up. I’m also sure there are tons I don’t remember but I still think this is a pretty solid list.

Step Brothers – I Smoked Pot With Johnny Hopkins

Super Troopers – Move That Gigantic Cotton Candy

Super Troopers – Liter of Cola

Austin Powers – I Also Like To Live Dangerously

Office Space – People Skills

Bad Santa- Fraggle Stick Car

Superbad – McLovin

Dumb and Dumber – Pets Heads Are Falling Off

Hangover – Rainman was a Retard

Zoolander – Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good

15 Feb, 2013

I Don’t Hate You Anymore, Lebron

By |2013-02-15T12:10:32-05:00February 15th, 2013|Sports|2 Comments

act_lebron_james

First of all, Michael Jordan was and always will be my favorite player of all time. Even now, I probably can’t go more than a week or two without thinking about how I wish I could re-live watching him.  I’ve always wanted a DVD (I guess that’s outdated now) set of every one of his college and professional games to come out; I would watch at least a game a day.  To me, even if he is a pompous asshole, he can do no wrong.  The guy could kill a million babies and I would simply say “but it’s MJ, it’s no big deal.”

Then along came Lebron James.  He was the anointed one from the very get-go.  I bought into the hype, justifiably so, and loved watching him play.  I thought it was cool that he got to play for a team (which was mired in mediocrity, no less) that was a city in the state where he grew up.  I couldn’t help but root for him to bring some sort of attention and glory to the state of Ohio, considering I literally don’t know a single thing they are known for.

But after Dan Gilbert failed to bring Lebron any sort of adequate support, year after year,  Lebron inevitably and logically grew frustrated and took his talents to South Beach.  When he made “The Decision” I was pissed!  I was pissed for Ohio and Cleveland, and I was pissed that I didn’t go to Heat games (to watch him) while tickets would still be cheap since he played against them and the Heat weren’t that good.   I wanted to see him get his titles for the Cavs because it made the hometown hero story that much better.  But most of all, I was pissed at the way he handled departing from Cleveland.  He could have forewarned Gilbert and the Cavs rather than embarrassing them in an hour long special which should have been titled “Look At Me, Pay Attention To Me.”  I thought it was immature and the ultimate slap in the face to Cleveland and Ohio.

Looking back now, I’ve realized it was just an immature mistake, no more, no less.  He could have certainly handled it better.  His PR team, assuming he has one, probably realized this too.  But it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my head.  He had a right to try to win a title and Gilbert certainly wasn’t doing anything to help bring him any closer.

Now that he’s been on this ridiculous tear, breaking records, kicking ass and taking names, I can’t help but marvel at what he’s doing.  It’s nothing short of incredible, honestly.  He’s doing things no one else did, and with ease.  He’s truly like a man amongst boys.  At this point in his career, I don’t think there’s much he can’t do, if anything.  Well, he’s not the greatest free-throw shooter, but it hasn’t seemed to matter all that much anyway.

A player like Dwight Howard and the way he has been such a baby for the last 2+ seasons, holding the city and team of Orlando hostage and now causing a commotion in L.A. has taught me a lesson: what Lebron did wasn’t so bad.  He didn’t screw Cleveland over, he just made a decision that was in his best interests.  What Dwight did screwed Orlando over, and that city had already been abandoned by their previous number one overall pick and huge center, my main man, Shaq, landing on the same team too, go figure.  Dwight didn’t give it his all, complained, and literally held the team hostage, making it impossible for them to really benefit from losing him other than by potentially getting better via the Ewing Theory.

Whereas up until he left, Lebron gave Cleveland everything he had, and it was almost enough, all by himself.  “I’m not MJ, I’m LJ,” brought a smile to my face when he tweeted that the other day.  His identity has finally come out, and he’s not a bad guy, he’s just having fun playing a game he’s ridiculously gifted at.  So Lebron, it wasn’t your title, and it wasn’t your tackle of this guy (although I loved that because it does make it easier to endear to you), it was simply my new-found understanding that I overreacted to “The Decision.”  And thus, Lebron, I don’t hate you anymore.  In fact, I’m back to loving you, so keep doing what you do big man!

14 Feb, 2013

The Greatest Console of All Time?

By |2013-02-15T09:36:16-05:00February 14th, 2013|Childhood, My Brain, My Life|2 Comments

Original NES

I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing about my childhood and early adolescence video game playing days.  My parents got me the original Nintendo for my 7th birthday I believe, I remember I was in 1st grade, so that should be correct. I fuckin’ loved that thing to death.  I spent countless hours playing solo and with my childhood friends defeating level after level, boss after boss, throwing touchdown after touchdown, and so on.  I loved that hockey game with the skinny, normal and fat guy.  Well I loved a lot of games, so I won’t begin to list them (cough, Crystalis, Metroid, Abadox, XEXYZ, all the Megaman’s, sorry I’ll stop).  In fact, I still have my original console, the Game Genie, the gun and some classic original games like the first Final Fantasy.  I even bought another console (now I’m not even positive which one was my original) with a bunch of games included off of a kid during high school for $20 because he wanted to buy pot.  Unfortunately, I gave most of my original games away to a family friend prior to high school, but at least I have that kid’s and a few I still had laying around.

So like I said, I had a true love affair with Nintendo.  After Nintendo, I then got a Sega Genesis (sorry Nintendo), and then I traded that in with my dad’s help (we went back and forth to stores for maximum trade-in value, when an old system and games still were worth something) to get Nintendo 64.  Before it even came out I was blown away when I saw what the controllers looked like and opted to  rekindle my relationship with Nintendo.  I couldn’t have been happier. I played Super Mario 64 the way Jimmy Hendrix played his guitar: truly one with the game/guitar.  When I was suspended at one point during middle school, I played it like my life depended on it, that is of course, until I heard my mom come home.  Needless to say I got all 120 stars.  I think that was my favorite game of all time; it’s tough to say, but I can’t recall loving any game more than that one.   The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina in Time was one of the greatest games I ever played as well.  The amount of games for 64 wasn’t overwhelming, but it’s quality over quantity, and that system was not short on quality games.  MarioKart 64, Mario Party (any of them), Mario Tennis (God, me and my friends spent endless hours with this one, it never seemed to get old), Super Smash Bros, Starfox 64, Star Wars Shadow of the Empire, Turok (this game is actually what inspired me to write this, as it randomly popped into my head the other day), and let’s not forget the amazing Goldeneye 007.

The list could go on of course, but we don’t want to get bogged down further reminiscing and listing.  Plus, I might shed a tear if I continue to think about each game.  While I occasionally felt like I was missing out on some games that Playstation had to offer (like Final Fantasy 7, which I later bought when I got the PS2 the day it came out, ditching school to get it and stay home and play it), I did not care because my 64 was all I really needed.  The graphics at the time were top-notch, putting Playstation to shame.  The games, as I mentioned, were nothing short of incredible.  The controller was funny looking and insanely comfortable to hold; the mini-joystick was awesome. Sure, the new systems have internet and play movies and are complete entertainment centers.  But all the games nowadays seem like they’re just first person shooters, designed to train kids for war and desensitize them to violence.  I bought an Xbox360 about 2 years ago I think, maybe less than that, after taking a Bar exam.  I figured I’d get back into video games again, but the allure was gone, I couldn’t get into them.  Assassin’s Creed was supposedly a classic, and I put it down after about 4 hours due to utter boredom.  The 360 just sits around and collects dust.  The most use I got out of it was the year I had Xbox Live and used Netflix (until their selection inevitably dried up, as Netflix selection sucks by the way), and that’s just not worth the cost of a system and the fees.

So, looking back, I cannot think of a greater system than Nintendo 64.  In writing this I also realized I subconsciously was pretty loyal to the Nintendo brand, straying less frequently than I initially thought.  I loved my Gameboy, and my Gameboy color was great too, I even got the Nintendo DS.  I played a fair share of computer games all growing up, and absolutely loved Warcraft 3 during college; played it constantly.  But in the end, other than the initial Nintendo, none of them could hold a candle to the great Nintendo 64.  All hail Nintendo 64, the greatest console of all time.

n64-3

14 Feb, 2013

Mother Can You Take Me

By |2013-02-15T09:35:36-05:00February 14th, 2013|Childhood, My Life|0 Comments

mom-yelling-at-kids-

Think back to your childhood and recall how much you relied on your parents to get you from point A to point B when you were younger. How your parents would get annoyed once you started asking them too often. I remember my mom was always my go to and my dad was always a last resort. When I think back to it I really have to give my mom tons of credit because driving a teenage kid around must be a huge pain in the ass. It’s, stop everything you’re doing and drive your child to where they want to go. What is going on in your life must come to a halt. Plus you’d have some of your friends whose parents would rarely ever drive and it would get into a numbers game. Multiple rides to places in a day would occur to make matters worse. All my kids are riding a bike Jake Schwartz style.

The worst age for a parent had to be when your kids were 15 and they’d want to hang out late and then ask you to pick them up. My mom used to get PISSED when we’d say we had rides figured out, something would change and then we’d call her at midnight, and be like “can I have a ride home?”  This obviously stopped once kids got their licenses but these had to be tough times. I remember a year or two before I could drive where we had track practice during the summer and we would break for lunch. Kids moms would actually pick them up at lunch and bring them back every day. I would hang nearby where my mom worked at a nursing home.

While I’m back in my childhood days, did anyone else get really excited just to see a boob (when did youtube start showing nipples?)? I remember movies like Species, Just One of the Guys, Disclosure, Wild Things, The Specialist, Barb Wire, Striptease, and some others that would come to me if I kept thinking about it, were like heaven sent. I probably didn’t even know how to bust a nut but the anticipation of a boob was all I needed. Let’s not forget meticulously searching through Vanity Fair for any semblance of an outlined nipple. Anyone else remember the introduction of the magazine Heavy Metal?

I did a lot of nerdy things too like set up a lan with Evan to play Quake 3. We used to abuse the Electronics Boutique return policy by buying a game and returning it within the 14 days. Why didn’t we just rent the game? The magic trick phase where we practiced magic was hilarious too. That used to piss my mom off more than anything because they had a magic stand at the Montgomeryville Mall that we’d always ask to go to when the Willow Grove mall was 15 minutes closer. Plus once you have more than 1 kid this is times 4 for my family. Ahh the good old days.

As you get older and mature you start to realize what a hassle it is to have kids but I’ll take this post and thank my mom (with slight recognition to my dad) for driving me to and from places to make my childhood a memorable experience. Without them I don’t know how I would have done all these nerdy activities.

13 Feb, 2013

Mario’s – The Barber Experience

By |2013-02-13T23:33:58-05:00February 13th, 2013|My Life|6 Comments

Today at Mario’s in Maple Glen, I spent 14 minutes and $20 dollars as I walked out with a fresh new haircut. I couldn’t have been happier. I always have a fear when I’m getting my hair cut that the barber is going to leave too much in front or buzz off the sides. There is a lot that can go wrong in a hair cut and then you have to deal with it for days, if not weeks, with a stupid hair cut. It’s not something that is easily fixed once it goes south. That’s why I still go to the same place that I’ve always gone to since childhood. The staff has hardly changed in the past 20 years and I think that gives a nice comfort level. My personal favorite is Nick and he is who I had today. He’s friendly, tells some decent stories, there aren’t any awkward moments of silence, and he gives a decent hair cut in quick time. He barely even uses scissors which shows his skill strictly with an electric razor. I couldn’t bring myself to trust a girl from Hair Cuttery to cut my hair. I feel like she’d try to style it into something it’s not. Here is what I came out with:

Rnningfool's New Hair Cut

I blog shirtless and have those huge headphones as I listen to Spotify or AltNation on Sirius. I was going to doctor the photo with something comical in the background because I know everyone analyzes pictures looking for something to call someone out on. Not this time but just know that it’s in the back of my mind as something funny to do even though I’ll probably lose all credibility from here on out.

13 Feb, 2013

Concrete Laws of the World

By |2016-10-29T13:28:49-04:00February 13th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Supermarket Law– As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

13 Feb, 2013

I’m Glad I’ll Probably Be Dead Before 2084

By |2016-11-01T23:23:12-04:00February 13th, 2013|My Brain|2 Comments

1984-Big-Brother

When I was in high school, which was mostly during the late 90’s, for whatever reason rather than have us read books like 1984, we had to read The Joy Luck Club. Seriously. Not hating on mahjong or Chinese culture, but I personally felt like there were probably better books for us to read. But I digress.

Now all these years later I’m finally reading 1984 and I’m almost finished with it. As I near the end, I can’t help but notice the similarities to the terrifying dystopian world Orwell vividly painted. I lament on what the future may have in store for us, say, 100 years after the year he had his book take place: 2084.

We don’t have “telescreens” in our walls that are required to be kept on at all times which can monitor us at every waking moment, but it’s drawing near (It’s only 2013 and here’s a what Sony already has to offer: Intelligent Presence Sensor). For some reason people feel compelled to glue themselves to their TV’s to watch crap like Honey Boo Boo and 16 and Pregnant rather than read a book like 1984 (hell, most kids have probably never even heard of the book at this point). I really can’t even believe shows like that are even allowed to exist, for shame society, for shame. When Survivor first came out, I prayed (and the only God I worship is me) that reality TV wouldn’t last. But much to my chagrin, it’s pretty much only damn thing on TV these days.

We’re living in an Orwellian world whether we choose to recognize it or not. In fact, some things even Orwell didn’t foresee: drones for the purpose of both killing and spying, weather modification (yep, bet you didn’t know that), and of course the internet, just to name a few. If the world we live in today already has this type of technology, I fear what it will have by 2084. In fact we don’t even need to look beyond these next few upcoming years to get a glimpse:

Imagine a stay-at-home mother who lives in a state where pot is still illegal. She just had a long morning preparing the kids for school and dealing with the family bills so she decides to unwind in the backyard by lighting up a lil’ fatty. But what’s that in the distance? It’s a spy drone that just flew by about 30 feet above her yard. Was this a trespass, since up to a point, the air space above your property is also considered part of your property? Will it matter when the drone reports instant feedback to the cops about her “criminal” activity? It will be both interesting and likely demoralizing to one day find this out.

Our privacy is quickly fading. President Obama just signed an Executive Order for cyber crimes, making it that much easier for Big Brother to spy on you. The drones are next. Chris Dorner, the former cop who has been on the loose since last Wednesday, who had reportedly been burned to death in a cabin yesterday (it is yet to be confirmed as of this publication).  So he became and I guess still is the first US citizen, on US soil, who has been authorized to be killed by a drone. Think about it: no due process, which is to say, no trial, something every US citizen is supposedly afforded thanks to the US Constitution. While we’re on the subject, there’s also the immensely powerful and imposing NDAA, which allows for INDEFINITE DETENTION, once again without due process, for anyone “suspected of terrorism.” Let’s play the what-if game again:

Imagine a teenager is hanging out with his friends in his neighborhood. They’re just shootin’ the shit outside, and our little buddy says he thinks the newest President is a “douche” and he wishes aloud “if only there was a way to get rid of him/her.” But what was that up in the sky? Why of course another spy drone; and although he did not see or hear it, it heard him. Perhaps he only meant he wished there was a way to impeach the President or somehow kick him/her out of office. Remember, he’s only a teenager. But, the drone heard: “This new President is a douche and I wish there was a way to get rid of him/her.” Two minutes later, a van pulls up, the Thought-Police snatch up our dear little buddy and he is gone, never to be heard from again. He never had a fighting chance in hell because he never got a trial to defend himself.

Just imagine, this is only the beginning and this all could be possible within the next 5-10 years, maybe sooner. Now imagine what our ever increasing police state could look like in another 71 years! I shudder just thinking about it; and that is why I hope I die before turning 101, because I don’t want to live to see that day.

12 Feb, 2013

The City Of Brotherly Fuck You

By |2013-02-12T23:08:53-05:00February 12th, 2013|My Brain|2 Comments

Philadelphia

The city of Philadelphia isn’t here to win friends. This city will rape your children, eat your food, spend your money and tell you that it is only raising taxes 1% this year. My gripes are probably minor but considering I work and live directly in the city, I feel all the effects of some of their bogus practices like the Water Revenue Department and PPA. A few other oddball questions pertain to the barely used Convention Center and who is getting rich off of the newly built stadiums paid for by the taxpayers? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to be in any other city in the world but the citizens can only take so much before they revolt.

Let’s start with the Water Revenue Department. Our family has owned the same buildings in the city for over 150 years. There are 6 buildings that all occupy seemingly one building. However, according the the Water REVENUE Department, each building needs to be charged a storm water charge. A storm water charge is basically your sewer and they tax you by the building area. Each building gets a stormwater charge of 14 dollars a month. 14 x 6 = 84 x 12 months = $1008 a year. That isn’t even the water bill, just to pay for the use of a sewer. Oh and let’s not forget this little nugget, “To lessen the burden on customers who will see an increase in their bill, we are phasing in the new charge over a period of four years. Well isn’t that thoughtful! Our bill was 4 dollars a month for one building 4 years ago.

The PPA is so notorious they made a show about it called Parking Wars. An incident I saw today actually sparked this post. A man whose truck was too big to fit in a completely active and crowded parking lot parked along side the road to make a delivery of soda. While inside, a PPA agent cited him for being their for under 1 minute in a no park zone. The guy threw a fit when he came out and saw this a-hole speed writing him up to avoid confrontation. This city should be trying to promote commerce, not penalizing it. Our UPS driver routinely gets 5 tickets a day from the PPA. I wouldn’t park anywhere “for a few minutes” because there are 100 minions roaming the streets at all times. Let’s of course not forget the routine process where members of the traffic court give preferential treatment to their friends on a regular basis. It’s nice to see them being indicted.

I think we can all agree that Mayor Nutter has a much better reputation than the corrupt John Street. I do wonder though what the 700 million dollar expansion of the convention center did. I live in the city and rarely ever see anything other than the Auto show and Flower show being held there. I certainly don’t feel huge traffic from whatever shows are happening making me think nothing is. The convention center also feels sort of wasted. I suppose when tourists come it’s something to see but where are the fun things to do other than learn? Our stadium area is great but big businesses are profiting from that. I think the city needs to invest in something that people actually want to go to like a huge ass roller-coaster.

Just so I’m not completely bashing this city let’s jut make a list of things we’re known for and that are awesome: unruly sports fans, Reading Terminal Market, Love Park, Franklin Institute, Art and Barnes Museum, Xfinity Live, Kelly Drive, the Kimmel Center, Betsy Ross House, Broad St Run, Wing Bowl, John’s Roast Pork, Made in America last year, Rittenhouse, Philly Zoo, Sugarhouse and Camden Aquarium (ha).

11 Feb, 2013

A Competitive World With Few People

By |2013-02-11T21:53:04-05:00February 11th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

I had watched seasons 1 & 2 of the Walking Dead a few months ago on Netflix and yesterday was my first chance to DVR season 3. I didn’t get completely caught up but finished 6 of the first 8 episodes of the first half of season 3. For anyone who hasn’t seen the show, you aren’t going to be out of the loop on this entry as it will pertain to something completely hypothetical. After the zombies had decimated the human population, there is a small “town” run by the governor with a population of what I thought they said was 73. In one scene with the governor, they showed him hitting golf balls off of a mat into nothing. This got me thinking, would I still want to compete in various sports if there was no one to compete against? Is the only reason I like doing activities for the thrill of competition? This in no way coincides with the governor hitting golf balls as I assume he was just relaxing rather than trying to lower his handicap.

The great thing about this world is that there is almost always someone better at something than you are. It sort of goes hand in hand with the idea that it’s difficult to come up with an original thought anymore. There’s no possible way I’d enjoy playing golf as much if there were only 73 people in the population. I’d still love the game but without the idea that there are people out there better than you, the drive for competing is minimal. Which is somewhat funny because I don’t consider myself a hyper competitive person. Don’t get me wrong, I like to win, but I also can accept losing. I’m not built like MJ who could never be satisfied with losing. The main idea behind this post is that people push other people to succeed. You see it all the time with teammates pushing other teammates to reach goals they never would have before. If you eliminate people, you eliminate competition, and thus reduce results.

Just to come full circle with the popularity of the Walking Dead, it aired to another Series-high rating. Sunday night’s midseason return of the AMC zombie drama delivered 12.3 million viewers and a 6.1 adults 18-49 rating — its biggest yet in both measurements. I was a late bloomer to the show but I’ve always found it easier to watch series in one continuous motion opposed to a week to week basis. Plus I get to read reviews on whether it is worth watching or a waste of time. The show isn’t great, but it’s different good.

isolation

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