We Don't Walk Slow

29 Apr, 2013

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Part 3

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-14T19:06:31-05:00April 29th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Part 2 here.

It was about 2:30 am and we didn’t really have a good game plan so we decided to head to the next part of the race which was about an hour away. In hindsight, I think we should have gotten some pancakes at the Bavarian House. Nevertheless, I got behind the wheel and SIRI sent us to a blank part of West Virginia and after an hour of driving we arrived at a deserted John Poole High School. Bob took the field but the rest of us huddled up in the van for a few hours of shut eye. I closed my eyes and instantly fell asleep and awoke 2 hours later at 6am. Much to my surprise, the high school opened exactly at 6 and I was able to drop the kids off at the pool which is always annoying at a relay like this. The timing of this made it so there was no line and no problems. The morning was cold but the sun was out and it started to warm up fast. I spent another hour in the school gym where Ck4 and I got an extra hour of sleep. I managed to sit in gum which ruined my pants but that’s the price you pay sometimes. With a perfect weather day lined up, we were prepared for our 3rd and final set of legs.

Nice pants David

David had managed to get a good night’s sleep in the back part of the van, which he claimed as his realm, and was in full effect this morning. Unless you get to spend some time with David this sentence won’t mean much but let’s just say he has a certain edge to him. With Chad hurt, we decided to give Bob a new set of legs (4 & 4.8 miles) and shift David to Bob’s legs (4 to 6.8). I had an 8.3 mile leg and give these guys tremendous credit for stepping up because I wasn’t in shape to do so. Bob received the transition from Fran and this set us on course for our final runs. At this point Nikkii was behind the wheel in a crowded parking lot and after some slowness in getting to van, she felt rushed. In aggressive fashion, she was urging other vans to get the flip out of her way and at one point was riding close to a set of trees to the left and other vans on the right. David’s line of “Make it Happen” made her floor it through a tight space and some branches managed to knock our side view mirror off. We were all hysterically laughing during this highlight. We caught up to Bob who was running and Nikkii got to hold the mirror our of the window and use her “looking good” line to Bob. Hijinks aside, Bob worked through the first part of his two legs, took some water at the transition, and made it through his 2nd leg for a total of 8.8 miles. Thanks for that.

Bob and I on the Potomac

My 3rd run was a flat 8.3 mile run along a stretch of the Potomac. There isn’t much to comment on except that I got it done while finishing on E. There was no more gas in the tank. I did 6:40 miles for this leg and managed to pass about 10 people while enjoying a beautiful Saturday morning. I handed off to David who crushed his leg. I personally thought this was his best leg but he didn’t agree. Nikkii drove to the next part of the course and almost spazzed when the van had to clear a tunnel that’s height requirement was probably 6 inches higher than the van (why do we let Nikkii drive? Oh yeah, the stories!) We met Lisa at the next transition, who once again beat her projected time, and after her run handed off to Nikkii for the final leg of the race. We managed to head into DC without a hitch and awaited Nikkii at the finish line. There was some minor confusion during her leg but she finished without too much problem. Our finishing time was 27 hours and 32 minutes which was good for 6th place.

Our Final Leg

After finishing we got a beer and some food (which was sloppy Joe’s and a terrible choice if the race director reads this blog) and hung out for a little bit while we waited for the other team to complete their legs. This experience is truly one that I can’t describe only in this blog. You make acquaintances, have experiences, and develop connections in two days that you can’t find anywhere else. There is something about the sweaty, stinky, camaraderie of running that brings people together. As long as we keep fielding teams, I’ll continue signing up. I’m going to have one more post which will describe some of the randomness and better parts of the run but this 3 part post will give anyone who wants to know what happens in a 200 mile relay an idea. The first shower after this run is also one of the best you’ll ever have. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I liked being a part of it. Pictures here.

29 Apr, 2013

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Part 2

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-14T19:02:47-05:00April 29th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

Part 1 here.

Without keeping everyone in suspense, CK4’s head popped up over the horizon at his precise projected time and he threw me the band to send me on my way. I hadn’t even looked at the packet to see what type of run I had but it was 6.3 miles of trail, easy right? Not exactly. I had 15 minutes of straight uphill climb which I’ve never done in my entire life. Towards the end of the hill my legs were feeling the strain but I made it up without walking or slowing down. I had about 10 road kills, 6:30 mile pace and felt pretty good as I handed off to Bob for the next leg. Bob completed his leg with no problem and I want to point out that he showed up this year much improved over last year. This guy was ready for AOR and picked up the slack in a big way which I’ll mention in a later post. .

Bob after finishing his leg

Bob handed off to Lisa who had an easy run through the country side… except that we have a feeling this leg was longer than indicated on the packet. Lisa worked through the leg though as we found ourselves along the Mason-Dixon line and some beautiful countryside.

Nikkii by the Mason-Dixon Stand

Lisa handed off to Nikkii who is also a much improved runner from last year. She handled her leg with little van support while David had to check the tire pressure on the side of the street. She made it to the transition point right on pace and we had beaten our Van’s projected time by about 20 minutes which was fabulous. This transition point allowed us to meet up with the other Van 2 and go out to a dinner at Vento’s in Boonsboro for the 2nd year in a row. Boonsboro is a historic town in the boonies that I have to imagine doesn’t get much action. With AOR in town they tend to find themselves a bit overloaded. Nathan entertained us with his magic tricks and Nikkii with her straw dog dodging bullets while we patiently waited for food. We ordered a few pizzas but nobody was really into downing food with only a few hours until the next set of legs. We went to the high school and started preparing while Van 1 was running.

David taking care of his sister Lisa

Something that I wasn’t aware of was that no matter what time you finished the 18th leg, you couldn’t leave Boonsboro before 11pm. I believe Fran finished 23 minutes ahead of 11 and we had a bit of a break before we were set to run again. I was running around trying to figure out where everyone was and trying to get a game plan but everything sort of worked itself out. Chad’s first complaints were about the hill on Leg 1 and now that he was finished that he started complaining about his “bloody nipple.” Once bandaged up we figured we’d hear the end of the complaining… At 11pm David started his leg with about 50 other runners and it was really a cool sight seeing many headlamps under a full moon making their way through quiet streets. David handled his leg with no problem and handed off to our X-factor Chad who said that if he didn’t arrive at 31 minutes into his run, something went wrong. He hands off to me so I was anxiously awaiting his arrival at the transition. 31-32-33… He probably just fell off pace a bit, 34-35-36, uh oh…finally he came across and his running odyssey reached uncertainty.

My night run went fine but it wasn’t as good as last year’s run through Antietam. I only had 4.8 miles and forgot to time it but was probably in the < 6:20 range and I amassed 15 road kills. I handed off to Bob on the next leg and we headed to the next transition point. We met up with him about halfway and this proved to be a bit problematic as it didn't give us enough time to meet up at his finish which was a bit chaotic. He got there about a minute before Lisa did but it was handled with fine temperament. Bob did manage to lose his license along the way somehow. I believe Lisa felt much better on this run as she beat her projected time by a bit and handed off to Nikkii who only had 3 miles which didn't give us much time. We got to the transition point fine but Van 1 wasn't there yet so we had no one to hand off to. Bob was contacting Howard and asking him where he was and this was annoying David a bit who was ready to jump through the phone but this little mishap only caused about a 15 second delay as Jim was there to receive the bracelet shortly after Nikkii finished. This concluded our second set of legs and had us a bit ahead of our projected pace. However, Chad made us aware that he wouldn't be able to run his 3rd leg and we had to decide how to handle this. The joys of AOR and compromising situations (I think this was a Skinamax show in the 90's.) Part 3 here.

29 Apr, 2013

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Make It Happen! – Part 1

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-14T18:58:14-05:00April 29th, 2013|My Life|2 Comments

Trying to summarize 4 jam packed days of American Odyssey Relay 2013 into a single entry doesn’t happen overnight especially when there are a ton of notable events so I’m going to break this down into a few parts. I’m sure I’ll forget some of the details so if you read this and want to add anything, do it in the comments section. A quick overview for those who are reading this and have never heard of AOR or a 200 mile relay. You assemble a team of 12 people and each take a set of “legs” that range from 3-9 miles. When your leg is up, you run it and hand off to the next person. When the 36 legs are finished, you’ll have traveled from Gettysburg to Washington DC in extraordinary fashion. This humorous video does a good job of explaining. After all the people read this post and see how great the trip was, I have a feeling Nathan will be moving from 2 teams to 3 teams next year. I’m going to write this post as a trip report from the moment it started to when it ended remembering any and everything I can.

Entire AOR Teams

I met up with Nathan, Jeff, and Jose at the Enterprise in Plymouth Meeting at 1:30pm on Thursday to pick up our new homes for the weekend. We drove to Nathan’s office and awaited for the teams to arrive. After getting settled, we drove 2 vans up to Shady Maple Smorgasbord in Lancaster for a buffet of immense magnitude. We arrived just as the early dinner crowd (+65) was finishing and for a mere 18 bucks, had enough food to last for days. This place had rows and rows of dishes and was a perfect choice for our type of crowd. The fruit punch was delicious and earned me the nickname “Kool-Aid”. We left Lancaster at 6:30 and drove the 1 and half hours to Gettysburg to arrive where the race was to begin. After checking into our hotel rooms we grabbed a few beers and socialized with the members of our team to get to know each other a little better. At 11pm we turned it in because our send off times were around 8 and 9 the next morning and this is the last real rest you get until the race is completed.

I look like I deserve to be a part of Shady Acres.

The 6th place finishing team

The next morning we packed up the vans, did some van decorating and cheered off our runners as the race got started. I took the Browns to the Super Bowl in the Wyndham restroom which was luxurious compared to what I knew the rest of the trip’s accommodations were like. Once both teams had started, we had planned a Segway tour around Gettysburg which had its stories. At the indoor Segway practice course you had to prove you could handle a Segway which was challenging for some (Ck4) but without much delay, we took to the streets. I found the Segway to be new at first but after a few minutes riding it, you get the hang. This idea was better than what we did last year which was wandering around Gettsyburg with no particular purpose. After an hour on the Segway and touring the area, we hopped off to meet our runners at the next transition point. My legs felt like a lead balloon after the Segway which had me a bit concerned but didn’t prove to be a problem. Driving up Leg 6 had Chad starting to understand what type of hills we were in store for.

We arrived a bit early at the transition point which gave David (more on him later) plenty of time to warm up. When we saw Fran cruising up the hardest leg with ease, she handed off the bracelet to David and our set of legs had begun. This was David’s first time doing this event and he got a nice taste of the what type of terrain was in store for us. Without much issue though, a winded David handed off to Chad who had a nice little 1.5 incline that he was up all night worrying about. We assured him we would be his van support at the top of the hill to give him water. As it turned out, we didn’t follow him along the path and had no chance to give him water which was a bit of concern for some (Nikkii) but not much for the rest of us. We drove the next transition point and waited (and hoped) that Chad would be alright because he isn’t exactly a veteran runner. The jokes at this point of whether we would ever see Chad again were flowing. To quote Chad before he did his run, “I’ll either be there or I won’t.” Part 2 to come shortly.

TC & CK4

CK4 Sweating a bit

24 Apr, 2013

Start and Finish on Madison Ivy

By Tom Stortz|2014-02-11T22:11:41-05:00April 24th, 2013|Boobs|2 Comments

I’m going to immediately begin by saying that if you are easily offended by sex, stop at this sentence. I usually try to keep my blog safe for work, and this will be aside from the text, but this post is for adults. This post will give a synopsis of the career of Madison Ivy and what it’s like to watch her growth and transition from new to porn to consummate professional. Madison Ivy gets top ratings for her videos in 2013 but this hasn’t always been the case. She’s been around since 2008 when a comparison of then and now will surprise you. I will give my reaction to a 5 year period of how someone went from rags to riches.

This was Madison Ivy in 2009 PRE BOOB JOB. Her videos were completely sick and I don’t mean sick like dirty, nasty sick, but sick as in cool, awesome sick. She was this tiny 4-11 girl getting railed and enjoying her craft. Blonde hair and petite was her trademark. She seemed like she’d do anything and liked it.

Here is Madison Ivy in 2013.

HUGE boobs for a small girl and this tweet scores. In those past 5 years she probably did 83 videos. This doesn’t even count the amount of scenes, just videos. Most likely she’s been railed a few hundred times for scenes and something has happened in her acting ability. She isn’t just showing up and getting banged like she did in 2008, she’s putting on a performance. This is both good and bad. Bad because the reality is altered but great because her acting has gotten phenomenal. After 5 years of shooting scenes she gained the experience to put on a show that most porn stars have no clue how to do. She separated herself from so many others in this trade and her high marks and views back this up. I personally find her to be top notch because her small stature and disproportionate figure. She keeps herself in shape which in my opinion is a must for a prospering starlet. All in all, other pornstars should copy her for how to act in front of the camera. The transformation over this past 5 years should be a test study on the psychology of a pornstar. Here are a few more pictures to maintain interest. I’d also like a comment if you’ve never heard of her before – don’t lie!

Not bad w/o makeup.

Her Bio
Tiny (4’11”), but buxom and shapely blonde bombshell Madison Ivy was born Clorisa Briggs on June 14, 1989 in Bayern, Germany. The blue-eyed beauty was raised in Texas. Ivy eventually moved to Sacramento, California, where she laid tile, worked for the fast food restaurant chain In-N-Out Burger, and was a mechanic at a bowling alley. Madison started out in the adult entertainment industry dancing at a strip club. During this time she met adult film actress Aurora Snow, who gave Ivy the necessary contacts to begin a career in porn. Madison first began performing in explicit hardcore movies in her late teens in 2008; she has appeared in X-rated features for such notable companies as Hustler, Pure Play Media, Brazzers, Elegant Angel, and Bang Productions. Moreover, Ivy also works as a personal trainer and yoga instructor. She was nominated for an AVN Award for Best Tease Performance in 2012.

24 Apr, 2013

The Death of the DVD

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-24T21:31:49-04:00April 24th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

The DVD may already be dead but I want to share my thought process because it struck me as I was walking through Sam’s club today. Back when I was in High School I would buy DVD’s the day they came out. I honestly can’t remember if Comcast was selling movies through their cable boxes at the time but I highly doubt it. So Best Buy used to release their new DVD’s every Tuesday and I would anxiously await what new releases came out and buy them with glee for 15 bucks. Then when I got to college I did one of those Columbia House deals where I got 10 DVD’s for a cheap price and got to watch classics that I had always heard about but never got to watch. This continued to expand my collection. I even went so far to purchase the Godfather trilogy from Sam Goody that eventually got stolen along with a quarter from my desk drawer which at the time was heartbreaking. So by the time I was 20 I probably had near 100 DVD’s of movies ranging from The Jackal, to Grosse Point Blank, to Coming to America, to every LOtR movies. It still bothers me that Laura says how stupid LOtR’s are because I know that they are quality movies if you just give them a chance. At one point I even felt they had value. With the advent of streaming, my DVD’s turned to ash and my collection was halted.

I haven’t bought a DVD since Spiderman. Streaming and Cable knocked the socks off of the DVD. My ability to sit in my living room, press order, spend 6 dollars (11 less than a DVD) and watch the newest movies makes DVD’s prehistoric. Sure you can watch DVD’s multiple times but who does this often enough to make it worthwhile? I don’t think a thought ever enters my mind that I wish I had this movie on DVD so I could watch it right now. Correction, I did think this when I wanted to film the Gigantic Cotton Candy scene in Super Troopers so I could add it to my blog. Aside from that though, the special features on the DVD aren’t enough to keep me interested and spend money to own it. Putting the DVD into the players is TOO CUMBERSOME! I’d rather watch a movie I’ve seen 50 times on HBO than go through the process of watching a DVD. I know I’m not alone with this thought process because Sam wouldn’t watch Blue Streak 100 times for any other reason (He’s HIIIGGHH!). But when I walked through Sam’s club they must have had stock of hundreds and thousands of DVDs. I scratched my head for a minute and wondered how could this be a good business decision. They should be selling contracts to Comcast and Netflix and trying to take a cut out of referrals if they want to participate in the entertainment industry. The DVD is dead and has been for years. I enjoyed this trip down memory lane and if you want to purchase Tomorrow Never Dies from me, make me an offer.

24 Apr, 2013

A Hacked Tweet Dropped The Dow 150 Points!

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-24T08:57:57-04:00April 24th, 2013|My Brain|1 Comment

The Guardian– 4/23/13
AP Twitter hack causes panic on Wall Street and sends Dow plunging – Market recovers after hackers tweeted from the official AP feed that two explosions had hit the White House

Syrian hackers tweeted from the official Associate Press account – “Breaking: two explosions in the White House and Barack Obama injured.” This dropped the Dow about 150 points and caused a loss of 136 billion dollars in a few swift minutes. The market recovered in a short period of time but this incident should speak volumes. Here are a few points that I take from this story.

1) How secure can Twitter be if hackers are able tweet whatever they want from any account? (I read that they obtained access from “phishing” which is sending out an email to employees who clicked on a link and got spyware infected on their computer which in turned gave up passwords)
2) How much has electronic trading has overcome the market that certain triggers can cause widespread panic? (Machines are selling off positions once something like this hits. The DOW dropped 150 in 3 MINUTES!!!!)
3) If it’s this easy, how much money can be gained by making this happen at will? (Profits are made when events like this happen)
4) Why isn’t this story being shown on every TV network? (Avoiding panic is the answer but I certainly think it’s more newsworthy than what I’ve seen)
5) How can the public feel secure investing in this type of market? (I don’t)

This statement from the article really sums up the issue:
But what’s significant here is not the relatively modest damage caused by the ultimately inconsequential hack, which probably does not cross the line separating vandalism from terrorism, it’s the larger and still-unanswered question about where that line is — and what happens when some individual or group crosses it.

23 Apr, 2013

Definitive Chief Aim

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-23T23:09:15-04:00April 23rd, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

I promise this is only a phase of sappy, inspiration but as a reader of this blog, you have to trudge through my phases. I hope no one is reminded of Patrick Swayze’s character in Donnie Darko.

Write out a clear, concise statement of that which you intend to accomplish, as your definitive chief aim, covering a period of, let us say, the next 5 years. Make at least two copies of your statement, one to be placed where you can read it several times a day, while you are at work, and the other to be placed in the room where you sleep, where it can be read several times each evening before you go to sleep and just after you arise in the morning.

In 5 years I intend to purchase a house in Philadelphia, find a wife to raise a family with, and grow my business to levels never seen before in the company’s history. I will approach all 3 of these with the seriousness they deserve and not approach any of them with a negative mentality. A positive approach will attract people to my goals. I will also start playing golf in the 70’s. These 3 (4) goals will get accomplished in the next 5 years.

23 Apr, 2013

Thoughts on the Laws of Success

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-23T22:43:52-04:00April 23rd, 2013|Videos|0 Comments

23 Apr, 2013

Really, Just, and Actually

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-23T18:23:02-04:00April 23rd, 2013|My Life|2 Comments

These words can almost always be omitted. I find myself writing one of these words and then ask myself, “does this sentence sound the same if I didn’t include them?” More often than not it reads better because it’s more concise. I’ve learned a lot from writing this blog after all these years and I’d like to think I’m improving. My best method to improve my writing is by deleting lines. This is where I noticed that I use the words in the title often and by deleting them I didn’t lose anything. I don’t know if there is ever a place for a word like just. It’s just filler. It’s filler. Did I really just do that? It sounds moronic. I realize phrasing like this a lot of times in casual emails I send. Sometimes I’ll start writing 4 lines and re-read it and then combine a few phrases and get it down to two. In this case more isn’t better. AT&T lied and less is more in writing. Less sentences = more impact = better writing.

22 Apr, 2013

Rolling Stone Interviews Louie C.K

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-22T21:53:28-04:00April 22nd, 2013|Celeb|0 Comments

I’m not a huge Louie C.K fan. I find him practical but not nearly as funny as other people. I’ve attempted to watch Lucky Louie on HBO and also Louie on FX and can’t get into them. That aside, I read his entire interview in the Rolling Stone and it’s obvious he’s a pretty down to Earth guy. I also heard him on Howard a few weeks ago and he was a great guest. My general take on Louie (and the thumbs ups on the video) is how real he is. Another noteworthy point about him is that he doesn’t repeat his material and is constantly coming up with new thoughts which I think separates him from other comedians out there. Here are a few excerpts from the Rolling Stone interview that I want to give my thoughts on.

Q. In general, do you hold on to grudges or do you forgive people?
A. No, I don’t hold grudges. I don’t have a grudge in my life. I forgive people. I just don’t believe that you owe anybody in your life a relationship. It’s healthy and fair to opt in or out, and it’s actually more fair to do that than to hold people’s feet to the fire for everything they’ve ever done.

I liked that comment because I feel some people hold onto a thought or idea and never let it go. It’s a stereotypical thought that allows no room for growth.

Q. Did you get the idea of how to be a father from your mother, then?
A. Yeah, “because I’m your father” is just a cheap cop out, and it robs the kid of an opportunity to understand something. I engage them. A lot of parents don’t talk to their kids. I learned that from my mom. I provide for them but also let them experience their disappointments and their difficulties. You’re not going to keep your kids from harm, not in a million years. All their life is going to be is harm. It’s narcissistic to try to give your kids a utopian life – when they leave your house, they’re going to be in a world of shit. The only thing you can give your kids that’s going to be of any use is a mechanism for dealing with all the awful shit that’s coming. Then it won’t be that awful. As a matter of fact, it will be great.

I thought of Sam when I read this because our mom was none too pleased about his recent incident. Know that your not alone in this world of shit. Getting through it makes it that much better.

Q. That may be where the genius part comes in.
A. I’m just studying it and figuring stuff out. The only way to learn that stuff is by failing; all this is learned by having bad times. You have to be willing to have a bad time. People that need to feel like a star and like they’re succeeding every time will not ever get better. But if you are willing to feel bad, do badly, have a stale, boring version of yourself out in front of everybody, you can find this stuff in the muck that’s very useful. What I just told you about comes from having gotten really stale and having written a joke an having it stay thin and shitty until it wasn’t getting laughs anymore.

Q. A lot of people dream of overnight success, rather than sloggin it out for 20 years and gradually improving a craft.
A. It’s understandable for people to want all their favorite things to happen, but the crazy thing is to think that they can avoid all of the hard things. To want everything that you ever dreamed of, to the exclusion of anything hard, that feels common to me now in a way that is hurting people. They’re ignoring how much good there is in being present for the hardest parts of your life. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. I loved all that time; it was hard and I suffered. Times where you’re like, “I think it’s over, and I’m in too deep to start anything else.” There are really scary moments in a showbiz career, but it’s so great that they got to happen. It’s a very unforgiving field; it doesn’t say goodbye nicely and there’s no one there to keep you going – it’s all you. But if you survived that time, that’s always there.

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Part 3

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Part 2

American Odyssey Relay 2013 – Make It Happen! – Part 1

Start and Finish on Madison Ivy

The Death of the DVD

A Hacked Tweet Dropped The Dow 150 Points!

Definitive Chief Aim

Thoughts on the Laws of Success

Really, Just, and Actually

Rolling Stone Interviews Louie C.K

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