We Don't Walk Slow

Alex Smith Sucks

There is really no need to read anything further than the title because it says it all. Just for the fun of it though, I’m going to dissect the man, Alex Smith, and the bone heads in KC management who want him on their team. I obviously don’t know how much Andy Reid wants Alex Smith on the Chiefs but I have to assume he has some say in the QB decision. Andy has seen better coaching days and I feel that there are intangibles in his life which are affecting his coaching decisions. Andy had a rough season this year starting with the death of his son Garrett due to an overdose. The other thing that shocks me is that there was hardly ever a story about steroids being found in his locker. With Garrett’s death and the possibility of your son distributing steroids, I have a hard time thinking you can forget about this overnight and have a keen mind on coaching no matter what comes out of Andy’s mouth to the public. Where Andy’s head is at aside, I can’t understand why the Chiefs want Alex Smith.

This line would make you think highly of Alex Smith, “According to the N.F.L.’s statistics, in his last 26 regular-season starts, Smith had a 20-5-1 record with 32 touchdown passes, 10 interceptions and a 95.6 passer rating. He was the N.F.L.’s top-rated passer when he was knocked out of a November game with a concussion, and he was replaced by Kaepernick.” If you are a believer of recent results being more important than past, then I can see why you might have faith in Smith. However, I don’t believe this to be the case. My entire point of this post is to explain why Alex Smith is a below average QB who is a terrible fit for the Chiefs.

Looking at Alex Smith’s past is important to gauge what type of player he is. In his rookie year Smith threw 1 TD vs 11 INT’s. The next year he improved a bit throwing 16 TD’s against 16 picks but the team still had a 7-9 losing season. In 2007 he got injured mid-season but this little tidbit should give an understanding of the year he was having, “among all NFL quarterbacks who qualify for league statistics, only the Jets’ Kellen Clemens had a poorer passer rating than Smith (57.2), Smith completed under 50% of his passes, far below the league average of 60%. He missed the entire ’08 season because of injury. The ’09 season should be noted that he lost his starting job to SHAUN HILL. In 2010 he was starter again and lost his first 5 games as starting Q while succumbing to back up Troy Smith in week 7 due to injury. Smith had won just 19 games in 50 career starts through 2010. This quick summary of his career is how Alex Smith should be viewed and not the magic that happened in 2011.

2011, presto Jim Harbaugh, Alex Smith’s lifeline and why he is even relevant. The Niners finished 13-3 this year and went to the AFC championship but his play was probably not the main reason. “While the 49ers finished with their most wins since 1997, they did it while ranked 29th of 32 teams in the NFL in total passing yardage for 2011 and Smith was often cynically referred to as a game manager.” He threw 17 TD passes against 5 picks which is proving that his job is to not lose the game for his team. There is nothing wrong with having a QB like that on a solid team with a superior defense. This past year, 2012, was more of the same for Smith who led his team to a 6-2 mark before being replaced by Kapernick due to injury. Not surprisingly, with a better QB than Smith, the Niners were able to get to the Superbowl and have shots at winning the championship. Colin Kapernick coming in for Smith was once again a lifesaver to Smith’s injury plagued career.

I hope those background paragraphs should give a clear idea to what kind of QB Smith is. Alex Smith = Trent Dilfer. I’m only a fantasy manager but I know that if I were the Chief’s, I’d put my Superbowl chances at 0.0 if Alex Smith were my QB. Is Alex Smith an upgrade over Matt Cassel (a guy who benefited from a Belichick/Patriot team and would fit perfectly in this post)? Probably but you don’t want Alex Smith on your team as a QB. Teams win Superbowl’s with great quarterbacks. Alex Smith can win some football teams on a team that has brilliant coaching, stout defense, and supporting players up to wazoo. The Chiefs can hand the ball off to Jamaal and that’s it. The only hope they have for a Superbowl is a better QB who isn’t named Alex Smith. Why do you think teams are so big on experimenting with rookie QB’s? It’s the hardest position to find and maintain. Never forget that Kurt Warner took the ARIZONA CARDINALS to the Superbowl and this post is more backup. I know this post is long winded but what are these people in management thinking when they make moves like this. They obviously aren’t reading rnningfool.com.

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-27T23:35:19-05:00February 27th, 2013|Sports|1 Comment

Remembering a False Reality

I had a very strange experience happen last night that brought back a variety of memories from my past. A few of us pooled some money together and bought an NES & N64 for the fun of it. The console arrived and last night was the first night that we got together to play. After a few minutes of trying to set up the system, we didn’t have the right components for the TV. This caused a minor delay as we ordered the proper part from Amazon. However, while trying to set up the Nintendo, it brought back precise memories on playing the system as a kid. The reason I’m using this idea for a post is that the way I remember the memories became clearer and clearer the more I used the machine 20 years later.

My memories in present day of playing Nintendo are all glorious occurrences. Touchdown passes to Drew Hill, swapping out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles never getting past the rooftop, finding nuke, warp whistling past world 4, and getting bull rushed by Bald Bull. The TV was 96 inches, the graphics are crystal clear and the machine always works and has no load times. If I had never attempted to set up a Nintendo for the rest of my life, I would go on living in a false reality. Last night after attempting to set up the NES and getting to a point where we were blowing into the game crossing our fingers that the Tecmo Bunny (Adam called him a little buddy) popped up on the screen, I began to actually remember my childhood past memories.

There were good Nintendo games and there were bad Nintendo games. Some you’d put in the system and have no problems. Others you’d have to adjust, blow, and use every trick in the book to get to work. The TV I played on was a 17″ POS that you had to sit 6 inches from to see what the ant like characters on the screen were doing. Some games would be so hard that you’d never play them. At 10 years old it was most likely that you didn’t have the intellectual fortitude. Bayou Billy sticks out as one of those games. A testimonial to this point is that I played the Oregon Trail (Mac not NES obviously) for the first time since my childhood and floated my wagon down the river to close the game on my very first time through. The point is though that if I had never sat there last night blowing into the game, these memories would have been distorted forever. They’d still be my memories, but they wouldn’t be truth because I’d forgotten truth.

All NES talk aside, it brings up an interesting idea on what is the truth? The way I remember something is my truth, but your truth may be something completely different because you remember it differently. If two days ago I told you about my NES remembrance, it would have been completely different than the ideas I’ve put in this post. Is it better to remember things in a positive light even if it’s not the truth or to be disappointed with reality? Sort of follows the cliche “ignorance is bliss”. I think it’s important to keep in mind that everyone has a varying viewpoint and keeping an open mind for EVERYTHING is important. Living in the present is a weird thing when you compile so much information over a lifetime. Everything you’ve been through shapes you into what you are today. I just veered off on a tangent and am going to end this post before I force feed it with more mindless drivel.

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-27T20:19:28-05:00February 27th, 2013|Childhood|0 Comments

Bruce Lee Mindset

You always hear that people can do anything if they put their minds to it and I believe this to be true as long as what they are trying to do is realistic. You can’t just set a goal like being a millionaire without first being a thousandaire. What I’ve learned in life is that you have a better chance of accomplishing goals if you keep them simple, in view, and you are able to concentrate on them. Achieving one specific goal is usually favorable to working towards 10 different goals that never get accomplished. This Bruce Lee way of thinking makes it so you don’t get stopped by your mind in life. Your mind controls you but you limit yourself. For this example, I suppose there is a point of physical exhaustion where you will literally break down but I have to imagine most people never get to this point. People will generally stop for fear of “dieing”, but as Bruce says, you’re better off dead.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T02:50:02-04:00February 27th, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

3 Favorite Music Genres

I am not musically talented. I have never played an instrument and don’t have that much desire to learn how to play one. However, I do listen to music often. I believe I started listening at age 13 or so to the Y100 top 40 every Sunday morning. This gave me a pretty strong pop foundation of 90’s music. I also developed a liking for the obvious 90’s bands like Smashing Pumpkins, Weezer, Bush, Green Day, Oasis, Nirvana and the like. For whatever reason I then really started getting into hip hop in High School. Tupac’s Greatest Hits, Dr Dre’s 2001, Eminem The Slim Shady LP, DMX It’s Dark and Hell is Hot, and everything else ranging from Jay Z, Snoop, The Wu Tang Clan, and The Hot Boys (Juvenile was my favorite). Once I hit college one of my roommate was big into Classic Rock and that hooked me for a long time. Since college I’ve been able to listen to whatever I want and have geared towards Alt-Rock and SynthPop. Aside from Country, R&B, and everything else not that popular, I’ve at least put a toe in the water. Lengthy intro behind us, here are my 3 favorite types of music in order.

3. Late 2000’s+ Alt-Rock

I don’t want this category to be confused with the “grunge” period of the 90’s with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, SoundGarden, and Alice in Chains. Although I believe that period was more influential, I don’t necessarily like it more. Groups that I particularly like in this period are Gaslight Anthem, Panic at the Disco, Anberlin, Muse, Atlas Genius, and Awolnation. This doesn’t even count the bands that just get too mainstream but are still great like Black Keys, Passion Pit, Monsters of Men, Killers, Mumford and Sons, and Imagine Dragons. With the ease of bringing music to the masses there is just more to listen to. This genre wins over others for the sheer amount of quality bands. I believe this will continue to be the case as music continues to grow.

2. New Wave

I will take flack for this. Everyone knows that the 80’s were a complete step backwards after the unbelievable music produced in the late 60’s and throughout the 70’s. You had Bruce Springsteen becoming a mega star with Born in the USA, Prince with Purple Rain, U2 with Joshua Tree, and Michael Jackson with Thriller but these albums are the cream of the crop. These aren’t even the type of music I’m referring to with New Wave. I’m talking about Depeche Mode, Joy Division, New Order, REM, Talking Heads, The Cure, and the Smiths. I have to imagine that this type of music doesn’t even blip on most people’s radar but I just keep getting more out of it. I’ve listened to the popular songs by these type of groups and find deeper tracks that I like even more than their popular songs. New Wave on Sirius is my go to station and I rarely get tired of it. It’s probably because I haven’t exhausted it like I have other types but still, this is my current favorite. And of course the Saturday Night Safety Dance that just cued up in my headphones.

1. Classic Rock

There really isn’t any other choice. If you disagree with this period of time being the greatest music ever created, you just haven’t listened enough. Just starting with the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, the Doors, and the Who, you have enough to cement any argument. Throw in the other amazing artists they play on classic rock stations like Bob Dylan, Rush, Fleetwood Mac, Billy Joel, Elton John, and the Eagles and it’s a landslide. Do you think we’re going to be talking about the Black Keys the way we talk about these bands? This era was just an onslaught of music. It’s one question I ask musicians and never seem to get a good answer, why were these groups so good? Why has no one touched Led Zeppelin? Why can’t artists compare to the Beatles? With no good answer, it doesn’t make sense to give this #1 rating to any other type of music.

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-26T16:38:17-05:00February 26th, 2013|Music|0 Comments

Famous Lloyd’s

Google needs to index a page that has the most famous people using the name Lloyd and I wanted that page to be mine. First things first, just look how Lloyd is spelled. It is obviously a bizarre looking word. Parents are almost like, we’re going to give you a name that has double L’s and a Y, if you can make it through childhood, you’ll succeed. Here are a few of the most famous Lloyd’s.

Andrew Lloyd Webber

He’s a famous musical composer having a net worth of 700 million dollars. He created famous musicals like Evita, Phantom of the Opera, and Cats, just to name a few. He’s probably the most famous person on the list but the one I care the least about.

Lloyd Christmas

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her.

Lloyd: That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!

Lloyd: Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Certainly in the real running for most famous man with the name Lloyd. If you hear a question about architecture on Jeopardy, chances are your best guess is Frank Lloyd Wright. “Wright believed in designing structures which were in harmony with humanity and its environment, a philosophy he called organic architecture. This philosophy was best exemplified by his design for Fallingwater (1935), which has been called “the best all-time work of American architecture””

Christopher Lloyd

Last names count as well. Probably best known as Doc Brown in Back to the Future but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have other gems. Anyone remember Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Or Switchblade Sam in Dennis the Menace? Al the Angel in Angels in the Outfield? Dennis in Camp Nowhere? These are all classics to kids growing up in the 90’s. I just hope he has enough money he doesn’t have to continue working because I could see him as a guy who doesn’t save any cash.

Lloyd Blankfein

CEO of Goldman Sachs and one of the major minds in the banking crash of 2008. He comes off as relatively clean but he’s involved in so much shit that the public has no clue. One of his highlights, “In November 2009, he declared in an interview, as a banker: “I’m doing God’s work.” Several days later he indicated that he regretted that remark and said he had intended it as a joke. He also apologized on behalf of Goldman Sachs to the public for unspecified “things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret” and which contributed to the financial and economic crisis. The firm announced a 10,000 Small Businesses initiative, committing $500 million to aid American small businesses.

Lloyd’s of London
Lloyds of London is most famous for oddball insurance policies. Here are a few of their better ones:
– Silent film comedian Ben Turpin’s eyes against uncrossing
– Cricketer Merv Hughes’s trademark walrus mustache while playing for Australia between 1985-1994
– The hands of the 1932 World Yo-Yo Champion Harvey Lowe
– Keith Richards’ fingers
– Food critic and gourmet Egon Ronay’s taste buds for £250,000
– Whitney Houston’s, Toni Braxton’s, Celine Dion’s, Bob Dylan’s and Bruce Springsteen’s vocal cords
– Michael Flatley’s legs for $47 million(the policy was only in effect when he was touring, and forbade him from dancing except on stage)
– Troy Polamalu’s hair for $1 million
– Holly Madison’s breasts for $1 million
– A confident comedy theatre group against the risk of a member of their audience dying of laughter

Lloyd Braun

Saving the best for last. “Why can’t you be more like Lloyd Braun?” This clip brings out the best in George.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T02:55:01-04:00February 26th, 2013|Celeb|3 Comments

The Dumbest Question Ever Asked?

So I was at my menial temp-job until I had landed something legit again. (Side note, ask as many people as you can before deciding to go to law school, you may not like what you hear, or maybe you will.) This article was originally being drafted prior to my landing a job; I have since found a temporary home, where I will actually be doing positive things with my bar license, so that’s nice.

Anyway, the great thing about that temp-job was that I could dick around on my phone pretty much all day. So, at one point I was on my phone reading an article on ESPN.com about how the Falcons had released Michael Turner. Before I get to my point, I kind of feel like this is a mistake. I understand he is due over $6 mil, but if they draft a running back, he’d still be a great compliment to have and use to pound the ground on short-yardage and goal-line plays, the guy was a horse and still has something left in the tank I think.

So at the bottom of the article there are ads leading you to other pages. The top ad caught my eye, and normally I wouldn’t click on one, but this was just too tempting. The ad, which I will get to in a moment, was on a site called celebrity toob. Unfortunately, because I let days lapse before finishing this post, I could not find the link (I spent a good 10 minutes searching and re-searching. IGN led me close, but to no avail). I do however, still have the snapshot of headline of this ad: “Is Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Too Small?” (Since I could not find the original link, if you are dying to see shots of her, the IGN link will send you to a photo gallery of her.)

Really? Really!? This is quite possibly the dumbest f’n question I have ever heard. Who in their right mind would say such a thing. Likely a woman, an ugly woman if I had to guess. Sorry, it’s the truth. I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy that’s said or even thought something like “wow that chick is hot, she really should cover up more though, I hate seeing her cleavage and geez that ass is so nice but I really don’t want to see that.” Hell, even all the gay friends I have can appreciate a hot woman when they see one. In fact, in that sense, gay guys are lucky, they can say and do things to women that we straight men could never get away with.

I could understand if she were starting to show her age and maybe she had some ugly wrinkles or fromundacheese or something disgusting. But even at 44, the woman is still super hot! I think Brad Pitt made a mistake. Sure Angelina Jolie has her own thing going on (but lets be honest, she was hotter when she was younger) and she’s younger than Jenny, but I find it hard to believe he really wanted to adopt like 20 kids. Even if he did, I’d take Jennifer over Angelina every day of the week, but I guess that’s just me. Alright, I’m straying off-track here and my point was supposed to be short and sweet: that advertisement asked a dumb-ass question! But perhaps it served its purpose: not only did I click the link, but I also wrote an entire blog entry about it.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:29:52-04:00February 25th, 2013|My Brain|2 Comments

3 Part Weekend

This weekend I did something that I don’t normally do but found it entertaining. After going out on Friday night I woke up and Jeff and Pat were going to Tir Na Nog at 11am to watch some soccer. I don’t really give a shit about soccer but decided it was something different. I threw some action on Man U and Arsenal and was all set. When we got to the bar it is apparent that soccer wasn’t the main draw but Rugby was the main attraction. We sat at a back bar and ordered some eggs and Guinness watching soccer. The atmosphere was really great and getting buzzed early in the morning is refreshing. After our games ended (I went 1-1 for a +30 spot) we met up with one of our newly acquainted friends who was from South Africa and learned a bit about Rugby. It was England vs France and was surprisingly entertaining. We ended up leaving at around 2 and I crashed at about 5 to wake up at 7 and go out again for Saturday night. This morning soccer/rugby actually created a pretty ideal Saturday. I actually liked it enough to say I would do it again next weekend. I believe the Erin Express is starting up shortly and that will lead to a mass shit show in the city. That’s what I was told will be crazy Rugby action at Tir Na Nog. Just a quick update from a time when I have no new ideas and nothing good to post.

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-25T19:13:56-05:00February 24th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Last Second Shot of Self Confidence

I have an array of ideas that all are factoring into this post. I watched some of the Charles Barkley turning 50 program and he said that at a certain point in his career he hadn’t developed the self confidence to know he was the best. This got me thinking about how good MJ was at being clutch and all the big shots he made. Then I remembered a WSJ entry documenting who the best and worst current NBA players were at making last second shots this year. Believe it or not, Kyrie Irving was the best and Paul George was the worst with a surprise Kobe being terrible as well (this year). Next I brought these ideas into my own life and how good I am at last second shots and how rarely this moment occurs. This was probably the only time I’ve been clutch in my life (there was also a shot I made on the Bball Travel team against PW that tied the game). My lack of opportunities throughout my life is the case for a specific reason, I don’t have the self confidence in these situations to succeed. Why?

There are certain people who are either born with self confidence or are able to cultivate it throughout their life. It’s probably one of the most important attributes to have. The ability to do something successfully isn’t as easy as it sounds. Everyone can talk about doing something but when it really comes down to doing it, your self confidence is on display. I personally don’t have the self confidence I should. Just some examples, when I play basketball my mind thinks about how I’m going to miss this lay up opposed to how I’m going to make the layup. When I try to pick up girls my mind concentrates on what is wrong with the person rather than right. It’s just a mindset. If for some reason I just decided that I’m the best person to give the ball to at the end of the game and I fully believed it, I’d probably get some opportunities. As is, I know I’m not that good and don’t want to be responsible for missing the last second shot.

That’s where the enigma of self-confidence comes into play. I know people who are terrible at things but they don’t know they are terrible at it. So their self confidence is unrealistically higher than it should be. I’m not sure if that is good or bad but it’s worth noting. My mindset tends to be overwhelmed with reality and past results. This leads me to have lower self confidence than I should. If I just flicked a switch and started believing more in everything I do, I’d probably achieve more. This of course is a complete mindfuck because it doesn’t always work. I was playing Jeff in Ping-Pong and in my mind I was continuously telling myself I’m better and he has no shot at winning. Once the game gets started and I catch some slams in my grill, no self-confidence in the world can overcome being outmatched. It’s almost like you have to trick your brain into not only having self confidence, but then trick it again into doing something skillfully. Repetition can help with the second part but the first part has crippled many a people.

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-22T14:41:53-05:00February 22nd, 2013|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

Laugh A Little

By Tom Stortz|2013-02-22T10:04:08-05:00February 22nd, 2013|My Brain|0 Comments

TV Interaction = Loose Butthole

I’ve grown to be a pretty big fan of Workaholics. Netflix only has the first season so I’ve been re-watching all of those episodes. The first season isn’t bad but the show has improved since then with Adam, Blake, and Ders really coming into their own. So I used a line, loose butthole in the title, which appears way more often in the beginning compared to now. For the uninformed, you don’t want a loose butthole, you want a tight butthole. So anything can be called loose or tight butthole. If you are wearing a stupid hat, the hat is loose butthole. Watch the clip above for a better understanding. This post will have a real point, that I haven’t made yet, but I just needed to clarify the title which won’t really come into play throughout this post. To lay it out plain and simple, interactive TV is loose butthole.

Howard Stern was interviewing Mark Cuban and the Cubes made a comment that years ago people watched TV with a beer in a recliner. Nowadays, people are up against the screen with their computers out and tweeting anytime something happens. He referred to this as interactive television using social media. He also made a point how the success of Shark Tank was aided by him “tweeting” during one of the episodes and that helped create a bigger following. That in mind, it’s easy to see why Cuban believes interactive TV is the future of television and I’d agree Mark Cuban is generally ahead of the curve. I don’t disagree with this, I just don’t like it.

On Sunday I was watching the Walking Dead and decided to open up a laptop and follow along with their “story sync”. If I hadn’t of done this, this post would never have been made because I would have no real experience with this type of television. Since I did, I can comment on how it’s more of a distraction than entertainment. I found myself watching the laptop with their stupid polls and screenshots than the show itself. I was more concerned with how many “walkers” Darrell was killing or whether Carol or Axel were an item (that never came to fruition when a bullet hit Axel in the head), than actually watching the show. They also have a comment section with hundreds if not thousands of people posting throughout the show. This was also created commotion because it’s constantly updating and paying attention to the comments leaves you missing the episode. I will add though that some people are hilarious with their comments towards characters and story lines. Andrea is an asshole was a good one.

This is why Workaholics is tight butthole. I can just sit there and watch the show. No interaction, just sit and laugh. I don’t have to worry about story lines, tweeting, updates, or anything that requires me to do something. I hope the future of our television doesn’t continue to move towards interaction like Cuban suggests because now that I’m getting old, I don’t want to interact. Once you get old you don’t want to adapt to what the newfangled kids are doing. Revolt against change! Just kidding, but I still hope interactive TV dies a slow death along with social media.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T02:56:08-04:00February 21st, 2013|Tv|1 Comment