We Don't Walk Slow

Papal Visit After Watching Schindler’s List

Pope John Francis is visiting the United States and is coming to Philadelphia starting on Friday. As someone ignorant to religion, I have to ask, what’s the big deal?

I know practically nothing about the Pope. If you asked where he was from I’d say the Vatican. If you asked where is that I’d guess somewhere in Italy (closer to Rome after Googling). What do I know about John Francis? Absolutely nothing. Do I have any desire to see him? Negative desire.

After more Googling to write this post, John Francis is a more laid back pope than previous Pope’s and has empathy for poor people. His less stringent morals on Catholicism bother die hard Catholics who feel he should respect prior ideals. His visit marks the 4th time a Pope has visited the States and our city is expecting 1 million people. Head for the hills.

Where does Schindler’s List come in?

It doesn’t. I watched it and it’s probably my favorite movie of all time. The premise of one man saving 1,100 is more powerful than 99% of the movies about bullshit and stupid ideas. Liam Neeson’s acting is phenomenal and the real star is Ralph Fiennes as Amon Goeth who is quite intelligent with a heinous mindset. Brings tears to my eyes every time.

Now if I had to choose between worshiping the Pope (a guy who previously worked as a bouncer), or a man who put his life on the line to save 1,100 people during a period of time where it was unheard of for a German to stand up for Jews, I think I’d choose Oskar Schindler.

There is no real reason for joining these two events together other than to say watch Schindler’s List if you haven’t. It’s from 1993 and will make you appreciate life. It will deliver a stronger message to you than watching the Pope from a Jumbotron 1,600 meters away.

By Tom Stortz|2015-09-23T10:34:56-04:00September 23rd, 2015|Movies|0 Comments

Why the Breakfast Club is My Favorite Movie

This quote was brought to John Hughes by Ally Sheedy (Allison) and was used as the intro to the movie unbeknownst to her. It comes from the second verse of Bowie’s “Changes” and is a powerful theme to the movie.

The Breakfast club was shot in 1985 which makes it roughly 30 years old. A major plus of this movie it stands the test of time. I watched it yesterday and there are virtually no parts that make it feel outdated (except for Claire’s dance which I personally love – 23 seconds at the end). The theme of students feeling different (and eventually realizing they aren’t) and how parents just don’t understand will never grow old. This isn’t an analysis of the movie though, it’s why I like it.

Bender’s facial expressions are so over the top that it looks like he’s ready to snap any minute. I’m positive this is what he was going for.
Claire is great too when she gets caught up in the Bender interrogations.
Brian is easily my favorite character. He seems the most natural to me.
I don’t like when Andy he falls for Allison after Claire does her makeup.
Ally doesn’t speak for the first 33 minutes and her character is a bit of a roller coaster.

My Favorite Part

Andy describing how he taped Larry Lester’s buns together. Brian revealing his suicide effort with a flare gun. Ally tormenting Claire with lies to get her to confess that she’s a virgin. Bender antagonizing Claire about her real diamonds that daddy bought her. It’s all there.

Plus who can’t forget the dance scene.

Points I didn’t touch on were Principal Vernon and Carl. In the opening credits you can see the janitor Carl was Man of the Year at Shermer High school. The conversation between these two while they’re drinking some brews is great with Vernon saying how the kids change and Carl replying that they don’t, he does. Paul Gleason (Vernon) was also credible as a principal and his scenes with Bender are great. The flinching with the basketball make my day.

The title should also read one of my favorite movies. But what kind of a title is that.

Don’t mess with the bull young man,
you’ll get the horns

The inspiration for Nelson Muntz

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-04T09:17:30-04:00August 4th, 2015|Movies|5 Comments

Name That Movie Character

Character name is all I’m looking for but what movie they are from is also a bonus. No reverse google searching.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-01T15:48:08-04:00July 1st, 2015|Movies|11 Comments

Kingpin (1996)

Roy Munson

“Munsoned”? What the hell is that?”
“You know. Munsoned. To be up a creek without a paddle.
To have the world in the palm of your hand and then blow it.”

My #1 favorite line in the movie – “Oh, creepy!”

Kingpin is the #2 bowling movie created behind the Big Lebowski. If you’ve seen the movie you know the scene above is why Big Ern is in the running of best character of all time. He dominates this performance by being the typical asshole and it’s hilarious how the media loves him. The next scene is Big Ernie McCracken being Big Ernie McCracken at his finest.

A few comments on this scene and the greatness of Big Ern’s character:
1) Calling yourself a giant
2) “Was I talking out loud” is a great cover up to not admitting wrongdoing
3) The timing of “good luck” is the epitome of sportsmanship
4) Big Ern’s exit deserves recognition

“Supplemental Income”

It doesn’t stop there though. This movie is funny throughout and it’s almost 20 years old! A classic line from Big Ern when ordering his drink in the diner is, “Tanqueray and Tab. Keep ’em coming, sweets. l got a long drive.”

Roy is called Captain Hook in this movie! A great running joke throughout is when he shows people his bowling ring and they confuse the situation thinking he’s showing them his hand.

The way Big Ern acts in every scene is laugh out loud funny. This scene delivers the Kingpin knockout blow. On the floor spin is a move not utilized enough.

I’m a big Woody Harrelson fan as well and he does a great job as Roy. Vanessa Angel, Claudia, is nice eye candy and the nip scene will forever be embedded in my teenage memory. What a babe. I always wondered, why in a million dollar house does the host have Busch beer in the fridge?

The soundtrack is also wonderful with Save it for Later by The English Beat, She Came On by Super Deluxe, Bad Reputation by Freedy Johnston, and Superman by Goldfinger This movie delivers a strike.

And who can ever forget the “pump and dump”.

By Tom Stortz|2015-02-15T14:17:55-05:00February 15th, 2015|Movies|1 Comment

My 5 Favorite Movie Assholes

5 Movie Assholes

A few of my favorite movies contain characters who are complete assholes. It’s much more fun watching assholes than being one. This list comprises 5 of my favorite assholes.

Guy Trilby from Bad Words
Aside from Arrested Development, it’s safe to say this is Jason Bateman’s most likable role. Guy Trilby is a dick. He sets out to accomplish one task and says fuck you to anyone else along the way. He befriends a young boy (a theme in this post) and they have a hot and cold relationship. I’d hardly say the movie was 4 stars but it’s one that you could pick up anywhere and find a few laughs. One of my favorite scenes below.

Chaitainya Chopra: What was the word you spelt to win your regional to get here?
Guy Trilby: I don’t fucking remember. Do you see my eyes closed?
Chaitainya Chopra: Mine was inteligencia.
Guy Trilby: Awesome.
Chaitainya Chopra: Come on, try. How could you forget? It such a special word.
Guy Trilby: It was autofellatio. Okay?
Chaitainya Chopra: Yeah.
Chaitainya Chopra: I’ve never heard of that word. What’s its origin?
Guy Trilby: Loneliness. If you don’t point that curry-hole that way and sit your fucking ass down on that seat, I’m gonna tell the Captain that your bag’s ticking.

Willie Stokes from Bad Santa
An obvious pick on this list and Billy Bob’s finest role. A thieving alcoholic stows away with Thurman Murman for a wild ride that ends with a pink elephant. Willie was big on fornicating with heavy set women in the Big and Tall but that barely nicks the surface of his character. Let’s not forget this dime.

Kid: What are their names?
Willie: Who?
Kid: The Elves.
Willie: Shit, I can’t remember, I think one of them is Sneezy and there’s a Dopey…
Kid: That’s the seven dwarfs!
Willie: You’re shittin’ me? I thought… I was thinking there was a… I don’t know! Fuck, kid; I just call them you know Bub, I call them… I say hey Bub or Chief or whatever the fuck, I tell them to make the god dammed toys.
Willie: What the FUCK is wrong with you? I can’t remember this shit. Does everything with you have to be a fucking test?
Kid: How old are they?

Sack Lodge from Wedding Crashers
Bradley Cooper’s name is actually Sack Lodge in this movie. Although not a huge role in this, he made the most of what he was given. Another movie where Vince Vaughn is referred to as a “big tree”.

“I hunt quail, Jeremy. They’re overpopulated in this region and they’re decimating the grubworm population. You got a fucking problem with that? “

Army Ranger Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade from Scent of a Woman
Hoo-AH!!! Al Pacino plays a blind ex-ranger who befriends a high school boy to take him on a “last” trip. His abrasive attitude gave off an asshole vibe but he shines through in the end. Who lets a blind man drive a Ferrari!

By Tom Stortz|2015-02-04T08:31:02-05:00February 3rd, 2015|Movies|2 Comments

I Specifically Like…

BOB PORTER So tell me. What’s your favorite song of his?

MICHAEL Hmm. I, I, I don’t know. I mean, I guess, I sorta like ’em all.

It’s easy to tell a phony when they give answers that have no specifics. I could say my favorite movie is Office Space and I better damn well know the minimum pieces of flair at Chotchkies. The link to strong connections is in the details. This post will give you my details.

My favorite music is New Wave followed closed by current Alt music. I wouldn’t list any New Wave artist as my favorite but as a category it’s the bees knees. For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when the Cure sing, “Just Like Heaven.” I certainly can’t name every song by every artist which doesn’t put me in the top 1% of fans but hanging out I would never decline The Smiths, New Order, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Talking Heads, or Tears for Fears. I’m pretty hip to all music and would probably slide Classic Rock into these top 3 categories but this is my #1 genre. Shout out to the Saturday Night Safety Dance hosted by DJ Bueller.
Hey Peter, man, check out channel 9, check out this chick. HBO, ShowTime, and AMC produce the best TV series. It isn’t even close. If you are a network TV watcher and never get a chance to check out real TV, I feel sorry for you. Cursing, nudity, violence, and epic storylines bring TV to a level that has never been seen before. You can read about a battle in a book but these networks bring these ideas to a screen to be witnessed. My personal favorite shows are The Wire, Sopranos, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, and True Detective. Flight of the Conchords, Silicon Valley, and Curb Your Enthusiasm also show well for comedies.
I like waking up under the comforter on cold days. This feeling is ruined more often than not by 2 things: having to work or being hungover. When I wake up in the morning and can only enjoy this warmth for a few minutes before getting up, it sucks. When I wake up on weekends anytime I want, my head is slamming into itself. On very select days I’ll be able to wake up feeling like a million bucks and not have to get out of bed. I then like flipping on the TV to watch some ridiculous sitcom or movie like Mr. Ed or Blue Streak. Nothing better.
People hate running on a treadmill but I love it. Controlling my speed and forcing myself to run is exhilarating. Plus it’s always consistent which means that I can compare myself to myself every single time I’m on it. This gives a good base of what shape I’m in. Also when babes start running next to me I just jack the machine up the 12 mph and hope to god I don’t fall off. High risk maneuver. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
I rarely eat junk food. That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life, Tom. It may take me a 2 months to eat a bag of Chips Ahoy. I can never finish a whole bag of anything unless it’s a 99 cent bag of Smartfood. The taste of the food doesn’t offset the unhealthiness of it for me. However, I do like Oreo Blizzards from Dairy Queen. Because I have no concerns about my weight, anytime I’m in the mood for a DQ blizzard, I’ll get it. I also like BBQ sunflower seeds.

By Tom Stortz|2014-11-25T16:46:23-05:00November 25th, 2014|Movies, Music|0 Comments

Dude’s Car Got a Little Dinged Up

“The beauty of this is its simplicity. Once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong.”

Best line: “No we can’t do that, dude. That fucks up our plan.”
Alternative Best Line (which is made even better because this was Walter’s “simple” plan):
“Your wheel! At fifteen MPH
I roll out! I double back, grab one
of ’em and beat it out of him! The uzi!

This scene ultimately lead to my favorite line of the entire movie. I think we can all agree “dinged” may not have been the correct word choice.

Finally, another wonderful line in “calmer than you are.”

By Tom Stortz|2014-10-12T11:54:02-04:00October 12th, 2014|Movies|0 Comments

The Fault in Our Movies

I finished the widely renowned book called “the Fault in Our Stars” last night and I will give it a thumbs up. It’s hard not to come away from the book with a new perspective on the cruelty of life and how some people have to deal with it. The book is about 300 pages in big font and I would say it took about 5 hours to read. It’s a quick read and very emotional at times. This book brought tears to my eyes in 2 spots.

I had no idea that a movie was made of this book and released back in June. This disappoints me a little because I have a feeling the book is a better way of experiencing these words. The idea that you create the characters in your mind means that they can only be realized that way by you and gives it a personal touch. A movie simplifies the process and thus dilutes it.

There is no way that Augustus in the movie is how I played him out in my mind. When I read, I don’t build the character by appearance. It’s more of a ghost character going through what the book is telling me what they do. I see this picture now of Hazel and I went through the entire book picturing her completely bald and pathetic. It didn’t matter though because looks mean nothing to the actual story. Either way, I recommend reading the book and not watching the movie I haven’t watched.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-20T15:31:24-04:00September 20th, 2014|Movies|0 Comments

These TV Shows and Movies Shouldn’t Have Been Made

Good series and movies should be forced to end once they have decreased in quality and start to bring down the name. It’s commonplace for execs to try to squeeze every last penny out of an idea because it is so difficult to have something become a mega hit. Fans are much more realistic at pinpointing when enough is enough. The Wire and Breaking Bad are good examples of TV series called off at the right time. Soprano’s and Dexter are examples of series running too long. Lord of the Rings and Star Wars are great examples of high quality trilogy’s that should have stayed as trilogy’s. Hangover and Austin Powers are good examples of movies that just kept getting worse. Here are a few upcoming bad ideas.

24 – Live Another Day

Jack is back. 24 is an incredible idea for a show. Have one super character play out an hour per episode of one action packed day. I was hooked the first time I started to watch the show. Jack saving the city from nuclear weapons and from viruses was compelling because it had never been done like that before. As the seasons dragged on, there were 8, the reasons Jack was saving the world got weaker and weaker.

Character development also took a hit. I always found it odd when Jack would have romantic relationships with characters in the show because there is no way a human being like him could carry a relationship. Plus who could forget Nina and Tony Almeida. I never liked how CTU seemed to always have a mole roaming around which got incredibly old after while.

The idea of creating a new Jack is bad. He’s already a Chuck Norris like figure, just let him fade off into the sunset. No one likes Chloe and the whole series is already watered down at this point. Lay it to rest. Fox just picks a new location and will let Jack run loose killing bad guys with outrageous weapons. I’ll probably watch it anyway and make fun it the entire time. This show jumped the shark when Kim got attacked by the mountain lion.

22 Jump Street

Huh? The first movie wasn’t that great, why make a sequel? The first half of the movie was entertaining and the next hour completely sucked. Very similar to This is the End which I can only hope a This is the End 2 doesn’t come along. I’m not sure how movies like this get made. I’m even more surprised that they pick up 4 stars on the Comcast review.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum aren’t bad but the movie is guaranteed to have no plot. It’s a straight up comedy that is going to suck and try way too hard. Trying too hard is the worst type of comedy. I’m sure there fun to make and people will pay money to see it because of the name, but the movie is going to be worse than the first one and that’s saying a lot. Think Anchorman 2.

Star Wars: Episode VII

Why is this being created after the disasters that were 1-3? Disney brings back the original cast, who are all wearing depends at this point, and decides to make an episode 7 to follow up the originals. Nothing good can come out of this. JJ Abrams has to be the biggest moron on the planet to undertake this challenge. Now obviously he is getting paid handsomely but there is no way the Star Wars geeks are going to gravitate to an updated Star Wars. People don’t like change. They like the idea of Star Wars and what it meant to them 30 years ago. New is bad in this case. I’m flabbergasted that the original cast wants to undertake this project. I hope the project gets annihilated by the Deathstar. This atrocity is set to open on December 18th, 2015.

New Star Wars Cast

By Tom Stortz|2014-04-30T21:07:19-04:00April 30th, 2014|Movies, Tv|0 Comments

The Color of Money

The Color of Money is a 4 star movie. The film is a sequel to the Hustler which also starred Paul Newman. Newman is Fast Eddie Felson who has been out of the pool game for 25 years. He runs into Vincent at a local pool hall and sees an incredible amount of talent and opportunity within the young pool shark. Vincent doesn’t realize how good he is at first and it makes for an awesome dynamic between Eddie the teacher and Vincent the student. The concept of Eddie taking Vincent and Carmen, his girlfriend, on the road to teach them how to hustle makes for many wonderful scenes. The ending is a tab bit anti-climatic but the story is more about Fast Eddie and his conquest to be the absolute best. The soundtrack also fits the movie perfectly where each song tells a greater part to the story. The film is made in the details which is why this is a 4 star movie. Here are some tidbits and analysis.

The Movie

The Shots

This movie makes pool fun. 9 ball isn’t a game that I see played very often but displaying some of the nuances of leaves and ways to attack the nine ball were awesome.

Quotes

“On the Snap, Vincent” – A pool term used to signify making the 9 ball on the break.

“Pool excellence is not about excellent pool. It’s about becoming something.” – Eddie is explaining the act of hustling. Forming a character that allows people to take him for granted during the hustle.

“I never kid about money.” -Eddie and the mentality he has regarding money

“If you’re too old to cut the mustard, you can lick the jar.” – Cutting the mustard refers to showing your skills so Carmen was saying that if Eddie isn’t good enough anymore, he can still lick the jar through Vincent.

“The best is the guy with the most, in all walks of life.” – Couldn’t have put it better myself.

“Nice guys finish last.” – Carmen telling Vincent what showing mercy brings.

“Straight pool is pool. This is like handball… or cribbage or something. Straight pool you got to be a real surgeon… to get it– You know, it’s all finesse. Now everything is 9ball because it’s fast… good for TV… good for a lot of break shots. Oh, well. What the hell. Checkers sells more than chess.” – Fast Eddie

“Maybe this game is just for bangers. But the thing is… even if it is just for bangers, everybody’s doing it. If everybody’s doing it… There’s a lot of guys doing it. A lot of guys doing it… but only one guy can be the best. – Vincent showing off his pool prowess during the scene which is pissing off Eddie.

“What you got in there?” “In here… Doom.” – Vincent referring to the Balbushka, his pool cue.

“Walk into a shoe store with 150 bucks… you leave with one shoe.” – Eddie comparing Vincent’s winnings to what he is trying to make in the grand scheme of this run.

“You remind me that – that money won is twice as sweet as money earned.” – Eddie’s philosophy

“Vincent, you win one more game… you’re gonna be humping your fist for a long time.” – Carmen telling Vincent what will happen if he doesn’t dump the game.

“You think I need to lose some weight?” – Amos after hustling Eddie. Weight is referring to his abilities

“I didn’t deserve that.” “Yes, you did.” – Eddie shows little remorse to his first round opponent. Essentially saying that you deserve to lose to the better player. Eddie takes pool extremely seriously.

“Wipe your nose, will you, Julian? – An awesome line after Eddie just missed the nine ball on the break and the one rolled right next to it giving Julian the game. Eddie is basically saying, quit your crying when obviously he’s being sarcastic.

“You want to play for the envelope? ls that it?” “Whatever.” – This isn’t about money at this point. Fast Eddie needs to be the best and no amount of money can determine who’s better. It’s done on the table.

“Yeah. Just don’t put the money in the bank, kid. If I don’t whip you now… I’ll whip you next month in Dallas. Houston. Houston, Dallas. If not, a month after that in New Orleans. ” What makes you so sure?” “Hey, I’m back.” – Eddie’s determination and fire lit under him now that Vincent is a fierce competitor.

Music

It’s in the Way that You Use It by Eric Clapton – Played while Vincent is using the Balbushka

One More Night by Phil Collins – Signifying the return of Fast Eddie Felson.

Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon – Vincent playing pool at this point of the movie was signifying that him showing off with the Balbushka is letting a wild man on the street. At that point in time, Vincent was unknown and playing with the finest pool cue which could have potentially ruined the entire hustle.