My Life – Page 82 – We Don't Walk Slow

Jumping around some topics

I picked up some lingo from the OchoCinco show on Vh1. When you are saying goodbye to someone you can tell them to “stay easy.” If I sat there with a pen and some paper I could probably jot down everything these guys say and it would bring my coolness level up considerably. When Ocho and T.O were all dressed in their tuxes and nice outfits, I made the comment there is no way in hell I could ever look as cool as these guys do. The black outfits on the black guys works a bit better than white outfits on white guys. Also when TO used the word “interesting” to answer some question, it is pretty much the easiest word to use to make you sound like you’re listening. “What did you think about …”. “It was interesting.” From the other person’s point of view it sounds like you understand, but in fact you said nothing at all. Anytime someone tries to give me an answer “interesting,” I’m going to immediately follow up with a why. I actually used it on the phone today at work and it works wonders with people you don’t know because it is such a good answer. Sometimes on the phone I get caught up trying to think of a word and it’s not coming to me so I just blurt out something stupid and both people know you said something stupid but it’s easier to not acknowledge it and just hang up. That’s why it’s good to have a couple of go to phrases like interesting.

I also watched Law Abiding Citizen tonight with Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler. I’m going to spoil it for you if you didn’t see it so don’t read further if you intend to watch it. I thought the first hour was really entertaining when I thought that Clyde had other people helping him run the show from prison, but when I found out he had an underground tunnel?!?! in the jail cell, it just comes off as sort of dumb. Far fetched to say the least. I was amused though and even though it certainly isn’t a 4 star movie it didn’t bore me for the 1 hour 48 minutes. Certainly not one that I would watch again though although I liked how it was set in Philly. Mayor Nutter even had a cameo and I liked when they were driving down Market St because it hits close to home. Worth a watch for amusement but not a good movie.

I’m starting to feel a bond to the city of Philadelphia. I remember when I was going to Pitt, I never felt like I was from Pittsburgh and the feeling never grew. I was born and raised in Philly (suburbs…) and I really can’t see myself going anywhere else. I have walk in customers for my business that I’ve grown to like who are South Philly. The people I engage with on a daily basis grow to like you and remember you. The bum who opens the door at Dunkin Doughnuts knows my name (yeah sheee you know who I’m talking about). I really like the size because it’s not too big and not too small. I’ve been to New York and it’s just an overwhelming amount of people. I like how I’m from where the nation was established and I don’t speak with any accent. I like how other cities try to copy the Philly Cheese Steak and how easy it is to make and how terribly places butcher it. I like driving in on Kelly Drive, also a good spot to run, and passing the Art Museum and the Rocky steps everyday. I don’t even experience the city as much as I should but I feel some loyalty to it. I like how we support our winning sports teams and boo our losers. There’s not much to this other than I saw it in the movie and I like how Philadelphia represents.

If you haven’t listened to this Mel Gibson rant, you are seriously missing out. It was gripping from second 1. The part where he says “smile, and blow me,” is just too much to take. Talk about a guy whose had too much to drink. He has some funny lines though and I just want to keep anyone who reads this blog in the loop of great things that celebrities do.

Phil’s 5k is tomorrow and I checked my time from last year and saw it was 17:30 something and I was pretty surprised I was in that good of shape last year. I’m not really sure what to expect as I think my training has been off as of late but I feel pretty thin at 172. The 3 miles won’t be tough on my air but I hope my legs will be strong at a pace that I’m usually not used to running. Anything under last years time is an accomplishment.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-14T00:33:07-04:00July 14th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

Nice Morning

So I woke up with no alarm clock which is usually a sign of a good night’s rest. I do my normal morning routine of putting on work clothes, brushing my teeth, and putting my contacts in. The weather is dreary and I much prefer 100 degree heat to this doom and gloom. I’m driving down Spring Garden when my left contact falls out. Fortunately, I’m able to catch it but now the problem becomes I have a dried up contact in my left hand, I can’t see out of my left eye, and I’m driving in traffic with cars all around while trying to put my contact back in. I grab a water bottle next to me and unscrew the cap only to lose my grip on it and the cap falls to the floor. So now I have to balance this full water bottle without it spilling everywhere. I wet the contact and manage to get it back in but not without getting water all over my pants. So now I go to the place I order breakfast looking like I peed myself. No real point to the story other than a need for Lasik eye surgery.

A few posts ago I wrote that I gave a girl a side hug as an introductory move. As it turns out, people aren’t that familiar with this move and I want to explain the move and when to use it. First off, it’s only done with a male-female intro. Handshakes with girls are out in my book. I’ve just always found them to be peculiar and sometimes the girl will give you their fingers instead of their palm and it can just turn ugly. I wrote before about the close up wave hello and this is the epitome of awkwardness. It’s basically saying “I don’t know you that well to hug and I have no other move as a greeting, so I’ll give you a close up wave hello.” There’s obviously the full hug but then I feel like you smush the girls boobs against you and maybe not everyone is comfortable with that. I feel like I give hugs to my relatives and not to people that I might be meeting once or twice a month. Plus I don’t just throw my hugs out with disregard. If you are with another person, and they know a group of girls better than you and they enter by hugging everyone, I don’t just start hugging every random person because a hug might be a bit too forthcoming for random intro’s. So you use the side hug. Now you can’t side hug groups, it only works for individuals and it has to be when you are approaching from a different angle than straight on. It’s when you stand to the side of a girl, put your arm around their shoulder and give a little squeeze sideways. It’s not for every situation but it will present itself every so often and it makes for a fine, acceptable greeting.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-13T07:57:09-04:00July 13th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

Profitable Weekend?

Whoops, I wrote this Sunday and forgot to post it.

For the first weekend in probably hundreds in a row, I actually finished with more money in my wallet than I started with. Thanks to a win in a poker game, and not going to the bar on Saturday, this was a rarity in my world. I didn’t get too wasted either night and survived in tact. Nothing too exciting happened either so I’m not going to bore you with flip cup details or any other standard event. I woke up late, played some bball, did some running, then beat the Sheee in Mini Golf which was pretty fun. Entourage and True Blood were on tonight so I watched them. I also see that OchoCinco has his own Bret Michaelsesque reality show which I’m obviously going to watch. These shows are so far into absurdity that I really find them amusing. At least with Ocho the ladies are getting a superman of sorts compared to an aging rock star that is suffering strokes like Bret Michaels. I’m also reading a book my sister recommended which I’m just getting into. It’s called “the girl with the dragon tattoo” and its about 600 pages so it’s going to take some time to finish. I usually don’t do things off of people’s recommendations but every once in a while I’ll read something somebody said was good.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-12T20:40:53-04:00July 12th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

What can I say

So I had a good week. Good week at work. Good week exercising. Good week all around. Now’s the time to not fuck it up by doing something stupid. I’m engaging in some strict guidelines to make this weekend work. No drinking till at least 8 o’clock. My pregames can sometimes begin as early as 4pm and that usually leads to blackout nights. Now I am certainly capable of downing enough alcohol starting at 8 to get blackout drunk, that’s not in question, but the pace to drink at before going out to the bar is to be moderated. No double rum and cokes. Strictly beer as the double’s lead to blackouts. No walking home. Taxi’s only and there should be no injuries or any difficulties in getting home. This is my first weekend back back and I need to take certain precautions in not making a mess of myself.

I intend to go back home, go for a nice run in this cooled off weather, and then shower and relax. I told my sister we could get together for dinner and then go to a Phillies?! game which was something different. Now that I documented it I have to make it happen. I’m really coming along nicely after some poor decisions that led to a few rough weeks. I think I bounced back pretty nicely after whining and complaining for a few days there.

Just so this post isn’t all about me talking myself up, I want to write about a quote that Steve Guttenburg was saying throughout a party down episode “no risk, no reward.” The more I think about this saying, the more I believe in it. If you never go for it, you never know if you can get it. All of this nonsense about what will happen if this happens and I feel really strongly about this but if that… Life is too short to be worried about all the aftermath. I want to worry about the aftermath when it arrives, not before. Bring on the problems because I’m like Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction. People get too strung out over things and they keep mulling it over until it gets beaten to death and nothing happens. From now on when something isn’t right and you don’t know what to do, instead of doing nothing, do something. No risk, no reward. I suggest you watch that Party Down episode too because it’s a good one.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-09T15:52:51-04:00July 9th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

It’s good being me.

Life isn’t easy. Throughout it you will be tested by various obstacles that must be overcome in order to prevail. Sometimes life will test you by giving you 20 beers and 6 mind erasers in a day and it’s at that moment that you have to make a decision what to do. You run with it (if you know me you’ll like that pun). When running it’s important not to trip and fall but there will be pitfalls along the way, specifically a sidewalk. If you do happen to fall, it’s not surprising that you can chip 5 of your teeth and rip off your lip which in turn caused you to go to ER on a Saturday and get 13 stitches so they can try to put you back together again. You’ll also need to get your dentist from his family at 7pm to fix your teeth while your actually wearing the same shoes you woke up in, which are in fact covered with blood. An oral surgeon even has to break, yes break, one of you teeth by pushing this instrument as hard as he can into your tooth and the cracking sound and pain is not at all fun (it actually doesn’t hurt because of the Novocaine). These things are all part of a normal person’s life which we all should be aware of.

However it’s how you come out of the situation that makes you a better person. So what do you do? Well you obviously go down the shore for a 2 week bender to prove that you learned absolutely nothing. You bob and weave your way through person after person telling them that you’re a changed man and it’ll never happen again, but little do they know the truth. After you’ve had as much fun as you can physically handle, your body is not a happy camper. It fights back pretty much making you a walking zombie. You’ll be dehydrated constantly, cramping up in the unbearable heat, headaches, insomnia, can’t eat a meal, everything to make you feel like death is upon you. But wait a second, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. After 4 days of complete sobriety, the alcohol dependency begins to fade and you once again almost return to your normal self. You scoff at what just happened reminding yourself that you are too hard to let these speed bumps slow you down. The fact that you have to chew with the right side of your mouth for 3 months is easily achievable. Your lip actually heals back to a normal looking lip which is a miracle of modern science and the human body in a mere 3 weeks. You’ve chipped about a quarter of your upper teeth by the time you are 26, but no one can tell the difference. You actually can’t really bite your nails anymore and can’t get in any fights where the person is viable to punch you in the mouth, it’s way too expensive at this point. You have survived and will move on because there are plenty of things that could have been much worse. You aren’t really sure if there is anyone looking over you, but miraculously from all the stupid things you’ve done, over such a long time, you might actually believe someone is wanting you to do something with your life. You really wonder how you can be so lucky for being so reckless.

I’m sure this is no surprise but that you, is me. It’s hard to really grasp what I put myself through unless you actually do it, and I don’t recommend it. It’s costly, painful, not aesthetic, a nuisance, and a good ice breaker followed by a bad turn down. I have made it out alive though with pretty much everything fully intact and I will be able to live a normal life again. I have mixed feelings on how I’m going to proceed as stupid as I am. The smartest approach is obviously to quit drinking cold turkey but that would mean I’d have to get a place by myself and pretty much live a normal life and try to settle down. The other approach is to try to limit my drink intake but that would never work because based on the story above, I might not be so good at it. Or just continue as I have since college. Part of me knows that I’m shortchanging myself and that without alcohol I would be a better human being. I would have more money, no health issues, and most likely just win in life. Yet even re-reading that last sentence… where do I find my amusement? Let’s take some examples.

People can get really into professional sports. You spend your time going to games rooting for your home team. You become obsessed because you have nothing better to look forward to. You think I want to spend my time getting entangled in a web of overpaid athletes, overpriced food, and obnoxious fans for the joy of wanting my team to win? Ha.

I can find myself playing video games to pass the time and get lost in a fantasy world so I can forget about real life. I’ve done this throughout high school and I have no interest in ever playing another video game in my life. No one cares if you are ranked 1 or you just slayed the frostbitten dragon.

Become physically consumed in a sport or activity so that I can do what, be somebody who won’t get paid to play because there are thousands and thousands of people who are better than me. I’m 6ft 175 and I assure you that is not going to win anything. It’s not worth trying other than the personal satisfaction of besting yourself.

What I want you to take out of this post is the honesty that I’m sharing with you. I already know what the best answer is because I’m envious of what some people have and I know what it makes me feel like. I know this is gonna be really sappy and after what you just read, almost unthinkable that I can even conceive these thoughts. You find someone you really love, they actually love you back, and you start a family away from the nastiness of what I just shared. Essentially, the American dream. House with a yard, kids on the swings, and raising your children to be better than you because you know the mistakes and how to steer them away. It amazes me how the things I’d want and the things I do, don’t really coincide. I also hope that after you read this and you think you have it bad, after reading what I just went through, I actually think my life is pretty awesome and I don’t take it for granted. Well technically I do, but you know what I mean.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-07T16:57:28-04:00July 7th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Party down not up

In a not so bizarre series of events, I decided to decline a 4th of July weekend trip to the shore and instead visit my parents and sit inside and watch TV. I am not a machine and these past two weeks have taken their toll on my body. My self diagnosis was dehydration from too much alcohol and it has made me feel pretty awful these past two days and I’ve literally drank water after water until this thirsty feeling in my mouth has gone away. When you’re piss is goldenrod and you can’t eat anything, these is sure signs of dehydration. The obvious question is can’t you just go to shore and have a fun time sober? Unfortunately, no. I just spent two straight weeks down at shores and I’m shored out. This was mandatory recovery time that I’m actually relieved to finally have.

I’ve decided to start the series Party Down which airs on Starz only to be informed by Wikipedia that the series is now canceled. I still find the episodes entertaining and I have till the 8th to finish the last few episodes. It’s funny to see Henry’s character act so mellow compared to Derek in StepBrothers. I couldn’t place the girl Casey but when I Wikipedia’d her and remember I saw her in Mean Girls and then the one that hit me was that she was the incredibly hot girl in True Blood who was naked all the time and banging Jason. I think each one of the cast is colorful and so far I find the show the best comedy on a pay-station next to Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I’ve wrote this before but I watch things that popular culture like to watch so I can be in tune with what’s going on and also just to know what the masses find amusing. I watched the 2nd Twilight and was moderately surprised of the awful reviews it got on RottenTomato and that’s not because I thought it was that good. I found the 2nd movie to be much more hokey then the first. I think I liked the first 90 minutes of the first one because it was something different. Then in the 2nd the werewolves got involved and there were some dumb chase scenes and some more dumb scenes with the uber vampires and then another dumb scene with the ending and I sort of see where people get turned off by it. I’m not really sure where or why my interest waned but whereas I thought the dialogue was sometimes witty in the first, I found it to be to lovey dovey in the 2nd. I would guess that the books come off better.

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-07T16:57:41-04:00July 5th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

OCMD

I haven’t wrote anything in a few days because I was in Ocean City, Maryland on a vacation. If you’ve never been, they have a road called coastal hwy that is the major means of transportation throughout the town. Drunk people and coastal hwy go together like oil and water so understand my concern when I saw this. I did however make it through the week with no problems aside from some bike cops directing me home one night which was honestly the funniest conversations you could imagine.
“Where do you live?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well how are you gonna get back?”
“Uhhhhh….”

Aside from that night though everything else was pretty entertaining. When I tell you we destroyed happy hours please understand I’m not messing around. We racked up some bar bills that were pretty astronomical off of prices that really weren’t too expensive. I was up and down all week between passing out and recovering and then repeating. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson but I was pretty much under control the entire time. The one night I got two numbers one of which was from a Russian girl who gave me about 5 digits too many. The other girl was instigated by Steve to give me the rejection hotline which was funnier once I realized what happened, but not so funny getting owned like that.
The one night I somehow wound up with a henna tattoo of a cat’s butt? on the back of my neck. All I really remember about that was the person doing kept telling me to hold still and that really wasn’t something I was capable of doing at the time so you can guess how it turned out. I could try to go through a couple more of the nights but they honestly all blur together.

I actually found OCMD nicer than the Jersey shore but a long shot. The people seemed genuinely nicer and I thought the bar scene was better too. Seacrets is obviously an awesome bar with eye candy galore. They usually had about 3 live bands each night and I can’t even guess capacity but it blows Manayunk out of the water. I also can’t remember how much each beer was but I don’t think it was $5.75 per Coors light like the Princeton in Avalon. I also introduced the crowd that I went down with to the fan favorite drink of the Mind Eraser which I don’t think anyone was too pleased with. It was a nice change of pace to hang out with people that I haven’t seen in years and try to duplicate the debauchery of college. I’m pretty sure everyone will agree to the point that the drinking level didn’t disappoint. Personally though, these two weeks put me on my ass. I literally couldn’t move yesterday and I’m still feeling the effects today. I know the people in Sea Isle who were expecting to see me are wondering what happened but I physically can’t have fun feeling like this and need a break from it all. So I’m pretty much just sitting here by myself watching TV and couldn’t be happier.

Just some memorable events from the weekend to document. The trash can lid to Steve’s eye kicked off the weekend. I actually didn’t witness this but apparently the reaction time of Steve’s catlike reflexes were a bit delayed. I don’t think it “ruined the week” like originally thought. Gerald getting rowdy after the Mackey’s happy hour and Sam’s fascination with the bar Fagers. Jimmy getting an hj in a room with bunkbeds was an unusual move. Constant icing going on was actually way more entertaining than I expected to be. I actually don’t think the drink is that bad after doing about 3 or 4 of them throughout the week. I thought the beach in general dominates NJ and it’s not even close because of the “whitesand” and obviously superior waves.

Sometimes I felt guilty for taking a couple weeks off to enjoy myself and spending more cash on alcohol than homeless people could spend on food for probably a few months. But weeks like this, with weather like this, are how you enjoy some of life’s finer moments. I had a great time these past two weeks and have many memories that I can’t remember. I think I’ve proven that I’m up for good times and if you are ever looking for someone to hang out with whose self respect gets thrown out the window on vacation, give me a call (even though I probably won’t pick up).

By Tom Stortz|2010-08-11T15:49:24-04:00July 4th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

Peeling

By Tom Stortz|2010-07-08T00:58:26-04:00June 24th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments

Winding down

Wagon and I played a round of golf in under 3 hours. I was 91 and he was 92. We have some minor controversy because my ball on hole 5 got buried in the sand trap and I dislodged it without taking a stroke. I drove the ball awesome all day though and should have been in the mid 80’s but I made a few mistakes on holes 9-12. I was 42 on the front and then hit a perfect 3 iron on 10 but ended with an 8 on the card because I over hit the green and it hit the cart path and landed 40 yards past the green. The bottom line is that I’m crushing the ball and am playing the best golf of the season so far.

We had a really nice dinner at a place in Avalon called the Rock and Chair. 9 of us went and we did it as a minor celebration for the Wagon’s birthday. I ordered a king cut of prime rib and it was dynamite. We capped the dinner off with some car bombs that the Wagon moronically declined. We ended up going to the Princeton which was decent for a Wednesday night. So far everything has been going well and I’ve had no mistakes. I went for a run today and after I finished I had sweat being trapped in bubbles on my skin. I’m peeling completely at this point so I look a bit like a mutant but it will get better in no time.

We still haven’t caught a fish but today is going to be the day. We didn’t go on the Ms Avalon because they don’t get enough people for the 1pm trip and we don’t wake up early enough for the 8am. This vacation is coming to a close because I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 12:30 that I have to attend. Days go by really fast down here when you have nothing to do.

By Tom Stortz|2010-06-24T12:39:31-04:00June 24th, 2010|My Life|0 Comments