We Don't Walk Slow

Definitive Chief Aim

I promise this is only a phase of sappy, inspiration but as a reader of this blog, you have to trudge through my phases. I hope no one is reminded of Patrick Swayze’s character in Donnie Darko.

Write out a clear, concise statement of that which you intend to accomplish, as your definitive chief aim, covering a period of, let us say, the next 5 years. Make at least two copies of your statement, one to be placed where you can read it several times a day, while you are at work, and the other to be placed in the room where you sleep, where it can be read several times each evening before you go to sleep and just after you arise in the morning.

In 5 years I intend to purchase a house in Philadelphia, find a wife to raise a family with, and grow my business to levels never seen before in the company’s history. I will approach all 3 of these with the seriousness they deserve and not approach any of them with a negative mentality. A positive approach will attract people to my goals. I will also start playing golf in the 70’s. These 3 (4) goals will get accomplished in the next 5 years.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-23T23:09:15-04:00April 23rd, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Really, Just, and Actually

These words can almost always be omitted. I find myself writing one of these words and then ask myself, “does this sentence sound the same if I didn’t include them?” More often than not it reads better because it’s more concise. I’ve learned a lot from writing this blog after all these years and I’d like to think I’m improving. My best method to improve my writing is by deleting lines. This is where I noticed that I use the words in the title often and by deleting them I didn’t lose anything. I don’t know if there is ever a place for a word like just. It’s just filler. It’s filler. Did I really just do that? It sounds moronic. I realize phrasing like this a lot of times in casual emails I send. Sometimes I’ll start writing 4 lines and re-read it and then combine a few phrases and get it down to two. In this case more isn’t better. AT&T lied and less is more in writing. Less sentences = more impact = better writing.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-23T18:23:02-04:00April 23rd, 2013|My Life|2 Comments

PSU Weekend

I had all day yesterday to post something and didn’t which I know is pretty weak. To start off this long weekend, Ck4 and I booked a 7:36am tee time at Center Square. I decided to take back roads towards the course and this proved slow and I arrived a few minutes before 7:30. Ck4 was already putting and had paid for everything so I got my clubs and shoes and headed straight for the 1st. Ck4 made a comment that my new golf shoes look like Curb Your Enthusiasm shoes which I suppose was meant that I looked like a clown, which they (and me) kind of do. For the 1st shot, Ck4 found the 9th fairway and I blasted one up the chute to get us started. We had absolutely no one ahead of us and cruised through the first 9 in a little over an hour. Ck4 was leading after 5 but quickly gave it away at 6. I was 45 for the front after missing an 18 inch par putt on 9. Ck4 was a respectable 2 back. We stopped at the halfway house because we were getting some rain and I had some breakfast which I needed. The back started with me clipping a sand shot, taking no sand, and recovering for a double. The next noteworthy event was when we both had regulation pars on the hardest hole on the course. Ck4 whiffed his drive on 15 and snowmanned 17 but still kept his game in check. On 18 from about 170 I did this:

This gave me a legit birdie op for an 87 but alas, I missed. Ck4 finished with a 93 and it was an enjoyable round and the way golf should be played. My short game was pretty off but I drove the best I’ve probably ever in my entire life with bomb after bomb in play and on the fairway.

We headed back to UD to pick up Sam G to begin the drive to PSU for the weekend. The whole Boston manhunt was ongoing so that gave us something to discuss and listen to on the way there. We got to PSU at 4 and checked into the house we were staying in. The owner was still cleaning up and informed us that we were taking care of their cat Rosie for the weekend. This proved interesting. The rest of the gang got to the house and we went out to get some food and supplies for the weekend. After some attempts at drinking games we decided to head out to the bars. We went to the Saloon which wasn’t too crowded because it was only 9. I had my first experience of a Monkey Boy and had a decent buzz at that point. We met up with the rest of the group at the Lion’s Den and the campus was starting to fill in with people. We waited in a line to DUO I think for a little while and this was a “club” I guess you’d call it. It was crowded and Sam G found some sort of stage and was laying down moves which was probably the highlight. I remember leaving with a few people and getting food and then going back to the house. I’m not sure I have anything of considerable interest from those late houres but I don’t think I can recall it exactly anyhow.

We woke up on Saturday morning and started throwing a few back. After some bizarre weather and what I believe was sleet, we went back in town to a bar to watch some of the “blue/white” game which was of no interest to anyone. After a car bomb and some beers at Cafe 210 we headed to the EndZone to score some touchdowns. This was an interesting experience that I won’t go into detail and after a Chick-Fil-a dinner I was pretty beat from the day. I passed out at 10 and woke up 2:30 but missed the bar for this night which was weak on my part but after some of my incidents in the past, I don’t force bad ideas on my own behalf. I know I’m probably missing some details of this trip but I think a general recap is sufficient. We drove back early on Sunday where I pretty much used the day to get my head back on straight. No incidents to report and everyone had a fine time. If anyone wants to expand on this you can use the comments.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-22T22:37:17-04:00April 22nd, 2013|Golf Course Reviews, My Life|1 Comment

Few Days Off

I know the blog has been firing on all cylinders with 25 posts through the 18th but I’m going to be on a hiatus until Sunday. I’m essentially digging up blogging topics on a nice little excursion to PSU. I intend to come back with good stories that will hopefully provide some entertainment.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T13:24:17-04:00April 18th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

Productive Weekend

I woke up early on Saturday and went to CVS for some body wash. A lady in front of me asked for some Newports and matches but the cashier told her he had no matches. She then asked how much a lighter was, $1.79, and decided that it wasn’t worth it. She walked out of the store only to come back in a few seconds later while I was being rung up. She asked if the cashier knew where her pack of gum went. He didn’t see it and then asked her if it was in her pocket. She acted surprised and then pulled the gum, which she hadn’t paid for, out of her coat pocket. She then goes into this long spiel how she wasn’t a thief and asked why the clerk didn’t stop her from taking the gum. He said he thought it may have been hers. I’m standing here the entire time just shaking my head wondering how on Earth you can successfully steal something only to be a dumbass and turn yourself in, and then act in bewilderment with what just happened.

After that little occurrence I went for a long 11 mile run. I was ticking off 6:40 miles until mile 7 when I started feeling my calve tighten up. I was able to run through it and started picking it up to the tune of 3 consecutive sub 3 minute halves. I cooled down the last 2 miles and was pretty pleased with my performance. I have the American Odyssey relay coming up and the broad street so I’m pretty confident heading in especially when I can use these next 3 weeks to really fine tune my condition. I also played ball on Saturday at some new courts (to me at least) at 26th and Pine. The games were decent but nothing great. After ball, I hung out with Steve and met up with some people in Conshy. I wisely took a taxi back at the end of the night which cost about 40 bucks but at least it kept me out of trouble.

Sunday was JC’s birthday so we were going out for dinner in the evening. I pretty much dazed through the morning hours and then met up with Bud and Jeff to play some bball at Mondauk. The games were average but I need any type of work I can get. Towards the end I could actually feel some confidence coming back in my game which is welcomed. I also purchased some new shoes which dug into my heels because my socks were too short. I’m in pretty good pain today after a 2 hour run yesterday. I felt like a turd after ball and we went to dinner at Iron Hill Brewery in Chestnut Hill. I ate a nice slab of prime rib and afterwards drove Sam back to Ursinus. After I dropped Sam I knew the prime rib was making my stomach uneasy. In one fell swoop I almost shit my pants and it made me realize how people lose control of their bowels. So I’m basically driving fully clenched and I knew I had 30 minutes more to drive. Thankfully I got back safely and hit the sack early. I feel good today and this will be a short week because I’m heading to PSU on Friday for JKash’s bachelor party.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-15T09:10:18-04:00April 15th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

The Good Old Days

I’m hoping that some people out there found the videos below to be pretty entertaining. I think the idea of recording your kids is such a stupid idea in the present, but an amazing one 25 years later. First I have to give my dad credit for having the foresight of transferring the tapes to DVD’s so that I had the ability to upload them to YouTube. I have to imagine I’m in the 1% of the population who has childhood tapes from the 90’s on YouTube.

What really excites me the most is that I can see how I was as a child. My mind’s interpretation of how I acted like a kid was way different than I actually was as a kid. I remember swishing 3’s, fielding ground balls, scoring goals, and basically being a boss. When my 30 year old self (I’m actually 29 but I don’t see any reason to not say I’m 30, I’ve already prepared myself mentally) looks back I can see I was just a little schmagwap. And I was one of the better athletes! Just imagine how all the other kids turned out. It’s hilarious when I’m rooting for myself to score baskets and I’m chucking up airballs. You don’t perceive yourself like that but when someone documents it and you can look back on it years later, it’s a real eye opener. It almost gives me more insight to who I’ve become as a person. How I acted then and how I was comparatively to other little kids, it’s just more info that helps me grow as a person. I have to believe most families in the 90’s didn’t own a camcorder and certainly didn’t turn them into DVD’s. Most people can’t share with everyone else what life was like back then. Who would have known Jeff was getting owned by Laura when he was 4 (by far my favorite video)!

Most people are always trying to move forward and not remembering the past. I usually try to be this way because you can never change what has already happened. However, when footage like this comes back in front of you, its hard not to be effected by it. What kind of a kid you were (from my generation) is usually not readily available. I’m sure people who have only known me in the past 10 years think what a cute kid I was and how did I possibly become an immature alcoholic with odd music taste. This will be the last I post about the old days and remembering things so enjoy it while it lasted because this will just be another memory.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-04T16:12:56-04:00April 4th, 2013|Childhood|0 Comments

Stortz Family Throwbacks

These clips are from the early 90’s and won’t have an interest to most but for people who know the family, they should provide some entertainment.

By Tom Stortz|2013-04-03T21:24:30-04:00April 3rd, 2013|Childhood, Movies|1 Comment

The Wink – Part 1

I have never used a wink. in my lifetime for any purpose other than making sure two people are on the same page without the 3rd person knowing. I take that back, we’ve played the game drug dealer before and that requires a wink. The reason I even thought about this post is because I’ve been winked at twice in the past 2 days. I read the wikipedia description of the wink and for the most part it is used for backstabbing and flirting. I’m fairly certain that the two winks that went my way were neither.

The first was from a 250 lb poker female dealer who winked at me. I’m not sure if she was going to deal me a good hand or give me a good hand, either way I was confused. I sort of looked at her and laughed like I understood what the hell she was winking at but in reality was scared to death what she meant by it. The other was even more bizarre because I was in the elevator going down to work out and this random bro was also heading down. He was dressed in running attire and we sort of looked at each other. I gave him a silent head nod acknowledgement and he gave me this wink smile which was baffling. I asked him if he was doing the Broad St and in a thick Ukrainian accent (total guess) he told me he was. I’m not sure if winking is a normal greeting in the Ukraine or if he caught some dust in his eye but I anxiously waited for the elevator to get to the floor. Both situations were odd and it made me realize I never use the wink and that I probably never will.

However, due to the intrigue of the blog and the social experiment that can go along with the wink, I’m going to try to use it on 5 separate occasions to attractive girls who are complete strangers. I’ve actually never attempted a wink at a person before so I have to make sure I’m doing it right to get the full effect but I think with some practice I can perfect it. In a future post I’ll document the results which I”m sure will be stellar.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-26T18:38:12-04:00March 26th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

Living Dehydration from Alcohol

Over the years I’ve become an expert on the topic of dehydration and alcohol. I even recently read over this website which is great research on what happens when you drink. Casual drinkers don’t understand it, scientists only can write what is supposed to happen, but I can comment on the experience first hand. I’ve grown leaps and bounds from my nights of every weekend blackouts but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t get carried away and succumb to the joys of alcohol. This past weekend was another example of the effects of alcohol entering real life.

I’m going to recap what I drank over what periods of time to understand my intake and the aftermath. Starting Saturday, I had my first beer at 11:30 am. I than drank about 5 dixie cup beers playing poker. Next I had a Heineken, a shot of Jameson, and a Yuengling before 4pm. After checking in to our room I drank 2 more Bud Lights. While playing Pai Gow I drank 3 Captain and Cokes and preceded back to the room to drink another beer and have one shot of Jameson. Next, we went downstairs and did an Irish Car Bomb. At this point it was around 9pm and I believe I had a beer to sip on and that was the last bit of alcohol I had until after the concert which ended at 11 or so. At this point I lost count of every single drink I took but I drank a beer consistently until 6:30 am. The break of not drinking anything during the concert was the saving grace as I didn’t black out the entire night and remember virtually everything. With this summary of my drinking, this takes me to Sunday morning. A final note is that I ate a bagel for breakfast and a burger at around 2pm.

When I got back on Sunday I slept for a few hours till about 4pm. Adam wanted to know if I wanted to watch the games with him and I told him I could barely move. I was trying to drink water throughout the day but my intake of liquid and food is in complete disarray. I was unable to work out and didn’t do anything the entire day. I feel asleep at around midnight and woke at 8am feeling better but far from perfect. I was able to eat some breakfast and drink some coffee but my body still wasn’t right. If you stick your tongue out and there is a white film covering it, you’re still dehydrated. So I basically started chugging water but what happens is that your body just pisses it out. I urinated about 10 times today trying to rehydrate my body. My motor skills are also completely out of whack and typing is challenging. Also I don’t feel happy. The alcohol and lack of water make you feel down and depressed. Everything about days like this are painful and you really need to get them over with and heal with time. The other hard part is that the sleep you get isn’t real strong sleep. You don’t wake up rejuvenated but still with the fuck this shit feeling. The only real solution is being a man about it, continue drinking water, and knowing it will pass.

So why do I put myself through this? Probably because I had the best time at the AWOLNation concert in lord knows how long. I wouldn’t have been able to “rage” like that if it wasn’t for alcohol. You think Pat would be able to crowd surf without it? It was something that could never happen without alcohol. I don’t care how awesome people who are sober say being sober is, you can’t enjoy a concert like that standing around. So it’s basically putting up with some pain for a concert/weekend experiencing you’ll never forget. Take your pick.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-25T22:08:42-04:00March 25th, 2013|My Life|2 Comments

AWOLNation @ House of Blues

This was one of the better weekends I’ve had in a while. On Friday I headed to the suburbs and watched the tourney games with some friends. My brackets are still up in the air which is good because I did a pretty shitty job of picking the first round games. I turned in early on Friday because Saturday was an Awolnation concert in AC that Jeff had purchased tickets to a while back. Evan and I left at around 10 am on Sat morning and got to AC in 1 hour and 4 minutes. We stayed at the Showboat because that was where the concert took place.

Jeff arrived at around noon and we settled in for a poker session at the Taj. I played pretty terribly and ended up dropping a hundred bucks in the 2 or so hours. We then decided to get some food and play some blackjack which only had one interesting tidbit. About midway through the first shoe I didn’t double down on a A3 vs a dealer 5 and the results were not good. I ended up taking too many cards, one of which would have been the dealer break card and this guy who probably had 400 bucks on 2 hands was none to pleased. He basically said, “you fucked it up, that shoe was pretty good and you fucked it up.” That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the shoe and it didn’t go well. He actually ended up leaving after that hand which was the smart/right thing to do. After that beating we checked into the room. We played some Pai Gow while we were waiting for a few of Jeff’s friends to arrive and that was pretty fun. Once Pat, Mael, and Steve got there, the concert wasn’t far off.

Blondfire and some other band opened for Awol and we only got to see the end of Blondfire. Awol came on time and pretty much blew the crowd away. If you go to an Awol concert and sit in the balcony, you aren’t getting the full experience. The scene was great with people crowd surfing and just generally going nuts. Probably the most fun 1.5 hours I’ve spent in a long time. After Awol we chilled at the Showboat and then headed to a Revel club. We waited for a half hour and then decided to not pay the 30 dollar cover charge which didn’t make a ton of sense. While hanging around we bumped into these two smoking chicks who wanted to go to the strip club so Pat, Jeff and myself did so and Jeff paid a cover charge and left 2 minutes after. We hung there for a while getting nowhere with the two chicks we came with and left at lord knows what time. We then met back up with Jeff and Mael and played blackjack till 6:30 in the morning. It was a pretty long night and I was completely beat at the end.

I’m still feeling the effects today as I did virtually nothing yesterday. It was definitely a fun time though and something out of the ordinary. My wallet is a bit slimmer but that’s going to happen sometimes.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-25T09:38:17-04:00March 25th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments