We Don't Walk Slow

The Life and Times of Tom

I posted this blog’s link on Facebook which I haven’t been doing the past few months. The goal being to get some new readers and expand this blog’s network. Plain and simple, it worked. Today’s traffic will hit almost 500 people and the Facebook link brought in 80+ people so far. You’ll be interested to know that the split between Facebook on a computer and mobile was 50/50. This was by far the most attention the site has ever received through social media and I have a good idea why. The picture that I used when I posted my link had two me’s. It was the shopped picture of 2 of me and I think that actually drew people in. I made sure to have some decent posts lined up so when the people got here they saw the hottest girls posts. I made a mistake because I posted the Javale McGee post which isn’t as general as the females. Nevertheless, hardly anyone bounced and traffic has been growing at a steady clip the last few weeks.

Unfortunately, even with all these extra eyes it’s nearly impossible to draw a comment out of people but I’ve learned to live with that. This blog is really missing the participation that could take it to the next level but I put that on myself to a great extent. It’s up to me to participate in other networks and get other groups to view my blog. My participation dictates others. I have enough trouble trying to generate constant content that being fake in forums isn’t my intent. Needless to say, I’m pretty excited that the site is starting to get recognized on a higher level. Before I was getting fluke traffic (Brandi and Siri Cruise) but now there are more pages that are being viewed more often. Even though there’s no monetary gain, it’s a success that more eyeballs are seeing things I’ve posted even if its taken 4 years.

Just to comment on my actual life for a minute, the snow wasn’t much of a nuisance and is practically gone. It was short lived. A great relief to me is that I’m finally able to get back on the treadmill at the gym. My knee prevented me for quite some time and I’ve been able to run 3 times in the last 4 days accomplishing 4 miles each day. I was 24:02, 23:56, and 23:44 today. I should be able to drop to 23 in a few weeks and that will make me feel like I’m back into shape. I know it sounds ridiculous to some but being out of shape isn’t how I’m trained to live my life. Conditioning and fitness is a part of life and being stricken of that can make me miserable. Don’t get injured!

I’ve been working hard at learning German as well and am making progress. I’m able to read it better than write or say it but that will come with time. I’m trying to put an hour a day and if I do that for 2 months I think I’ll be prepared to at least get around. My photoshop skills are also getting better and I’ll have some new displays in the next few days. It’s fun to mess around with but also very time consuming. All in all, I feel good and things are moving along. I feel a bit inactive but I have some plans to change that up. Til tomorrow I leave with you the OOOOh Kill em Tuturoial.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-10T20:55:17-05:00December 10th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Weekend Recap

I don’t want to devote an entire post to my weekend because it wasn’t that interesting but I have nothing in the blog pipeline so it puts me in a spot. I’m going to share some of the highlights from the past few days in brief form and that should give me some time to prepare for a new post with some actual thought in it.

– My Spotify playlist is killing it right now as it’s filled with new music galore. Since I’ve seen exactly 0 new followers, I’m aware that no one listens.

– My Fanduel team will take 1st place if Josh McCown outscored DeMarco Murray by 8 and Alshon Jeffrey scores less than 12. It was a 50 dollar 10 man league with 3rd taking 90, 2nd 145, and 1st 225. I’d like to think I can manage a 2nd but 3rd seems likely.

– Missing the fantasy playoffs in 4 leagues is damaging considering how awesome football was yesterday and how well my team in Evan’s league would have performed. 2 things, not starting Stafford against the Rock and Chad beating me by .2 kept me out of 2 playoffs.

– I spelled the title wrong in my last post and I’m not sure if no one saw or just didn’t want to comment.

– I went out in Manayunk on Saturday and have no desire to go back.

– McKayla Maroney turned 18 and she will spearhead my next post.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-09T17:35:38-05:00December 9th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Little Girl’s Chirstmas List

I came across this gem on Deadspin. The commentary is decent and I’ll share some of the better thoughts but after reading what a 7 year old desires, I’ve learned that I’m out of touch with what little kids want. When you’re in high school you still get a flavor of what items are trending and what’s popular. Once you move into a world where you literally have 0 contact with kids, you get no idea of what is popular. It’s great to know what kids want because these type of items avalanche in sales and the company’s that produce them are worthy of some research to see if they can make you money. I had to Google American Doll and Monster High to get in the loop.

Anyway, here are a few of the dad’s better lines from his daughter’s list.

– A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.
– “Our Barbie dolls aren’t causing as much body dysmorphia in children as they used to! MAKE ME A LINE OF BULIMIC VAMPIRE DOLLS OR YOU’RE ALL FUCKING FIRED.”
– When I asked her what she wanted between a flying car and an iPhone, she picked the goddamn iPhone.
– Are you gonna give a shit about walking it or feeding it after, oh, three days? No. All of the work will be left to me. This site says, “Border collies can become aggressive due to fear. … Do not approach or handle your dog suddenly from behind.” Great. Fucking great.

I remember I’d use to make Christmas lists with 50 items on them and I’d have 15 of them outrageous like a Zip-Line or paintball gun just to set the bar high. I’d make sure to put a star next to the ones that I really wanted and my parents (my mom) were pretty good about getting practical gifts. It’s weird because nowadays I wouldn’t know how to make a Christmas list. In my life, if I need it, I generally get it. This year it would be things like plumber, windows, and water heater. That Christmas list is just depressing. People know me for liking booze and booze presents are even more depressing. Sadly, clothes have moved up the list and everyone knows as a kid that a rectangular, light box was the worst type of present you could get. Small, compact ones that had video games were always prize possessions. Like Bob Dylan said, The Times They Are-Changing.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-04T19:52:55-05:00December 4th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Perfect Timing

I’ve had 2 events happen to me in the past 24 hours that I have no explanation for how they happen as they do. If the timing would have been 10 seconds different, things would have played out in a completely different manner. In no way do I think there is any outside source working here, it’s strictly coincidence.

Situation 1
Last night I got locked out of my house. I finished at the gym and had to go to CVS to pick up body wash and TP. As I walked down the steps I saw Jeff sitting there and said, “here are my keys, I’m going to CVS.” I left my keys on the table because he had to use my car for a basketball game later in the night. I wrongfully assumed that in the 10 minutes I’d be gone that Jeff would still be there. As I returned, he had left to go to a basketball without putting 2 and 2 together that I didn’t have my keys. I do not blame him for this as I should not have left without having a way back in just in case something like this were to happen. That miscommunication had me bewildered when I returned back home to find a locked door. I tried calling him but to no avail. Now this is where things get interesting.

I knew Jeff’s game was at 9pm and he would have to get my car before 8:15 to make it to his bball game on time. It was 6:15 when I got locked out. I had no clue where he was and no means of communication as he wasn’t answering his phone. I waited until about 7:15 and decided to put the items I got from CVS on the door step and 4 pine cones on the hood of the car that spelled out TC praying Jeff would once again put 2 and 2 together and contact me. I went to a local watering hole and drank 2 beers and at 8:09 decided to check to see if there was any chance I would run into Jeff. Amazingly as I’m walking up the street I see him walking to my car and after brief discussion, got the key to get in. If I hadn’t seen him I have to believe I would have been waiting until his game finished. He made mention that he would have checked his phone on the car ride but let’s just say I’m thankful it happened the way it did.

Situation 2
When I was going to park on the right side of the street tonight, I pulled into a spot that had one spot in front of it until the end of the street. I got a little too close to the guy behind me and only left about 6 inches. I’m kind of neurotic when it comes to parking and make sure I give at least a B performance in every situation. I had plenty of room ahead of me and after getting out and seeing how close I was, I decided to move up a few more inches. At the very moment before I start moving up and turn my lights on, a car behind me is looking to park in my exact spot. It looked like I was leaving the spot. In hindsight, I should have moved up a few inches and turned my car off. In the moment, I panicked and felt it would be rude to jump back in my car as it looked like I was leaving. I ended up driving around the block and parking in the same spot I originally had as the guy picked the forward of the two spots which made no sense. What are the chances this guy drives up the exact moment I’m looking to move up a few inches?

Yes. This is how my mind operates in these situations.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-04T18:03:37-05:00December 4th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

Pimples and Your Self Image

Over my left eye you can see a red mark that could be considered a pimple but it’s actually not. At 30 years old, you’d think that I’d be passed any semblance of pimples but you’d be incorrect. My mind always thinks that pimples aren’t that big of a deal but when I get a nice red zit protruding from my forehead, I reconsider that stance. This little guy (it wasn’t so little) wasn’t a pimple because in my mind, a pimple pops. This bastard was a rare flesh eating disease.

I tried to leave a cliff hanger on that last paragraph. Flesh eating disease is probably an exaggeration. It was a red mark that has been there for over a week now and it wasn’t like popping a pimple but oozing blood. So this isn’t your commonplace pimple. It’s something that I’d consider going to a dermatologist but the idea of spending money and them telling me there’s nothing wrong would bother me. It was so absurd that I even purchased some Neutrogena Vanishing Cream but its performance was ineffective. Let’s just say it bothered me enough to make a post about it.

Red marks on your face are something that are a way bigger deal to you than to other people. You can look in the mirror and see a pimple and you want to stay inside all day. But when someone sees you, they glance at your face, think nothing, then move on with life. When I see someone with a beast from hell, it crosses my mind that it must suck to have it but I don’t think any less of the person because they have a skin blemish. In your own mind however, everyone is focused in on your face and thinking you must be part of the lowest form of society.

I know I’m a weirdo, but whenever I get something out of the ordinary on my face like this, I immediately think to why it could be occurring. Meaning, what in my life have I altered that could make this happen. Is it my diet? The people I’m around? My environment? I don’t believe that these things don’t happen for a reason and I always consider this. Same thing when I get sick. My first thought was that I’ve been eating these Dunkin Donut sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. The Pres wrote a post that if you get anything other than coffee, doughnut, or bagel from Dunkin, you’ll get a disease. Another possibility is that I started going to the gym and I used a towel that has been in my closest since the last time I was at the gym (6 months) and I hadn’t washed it. Either of these two thoughts could have caused this monstrosity. It’s been about a week since I’ve had it and it’s on its last breath. Thank heaven.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-04T08:33:14-05:00December 4th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Progression Steps – Photoshop and German

I’ve undertaken 2 new challenges recently in learning how to use Photoshop and speaking German. I knew it was going to take some time to get proficient and my readers might find it interesting how long it takes to learn. It makes for an informative post because it essentially applies to any new thing that you are trying educate yourself to. I’ve been at it for 6 weeks now.

Learning Photoshop

Week 1 – Learning what the buttons do. I viewed the most basic youtube videos and learned how to select objects, use the brush, erase, add text, and other basic steps. At this stage everything is difficult to use and messages pop up galore about not being able to move the background, wondering why you are erasing the picture and not the one behind it, and enjoying the different blends, filters and adjustments features that you have no idea what they do.

Week 2-4 – You get the hang of how the program works and start learning some various hot keys which make life easier. There are so many ctrl-alt-shift variants that it’s overwhelming. I continuously watched youtube videos on people adding effects, text, and making changes to pictures to improve them. This helps immensely as it starts to build your understanding of the program. Even though it’s impossible to remember everything that you view, you begin to watch videos and learn, rather than repeat.

Week 5-6 – I’ve begun watching more complex videos and if something takes the instructor 10 minutes and he isn’t pausing, it would take me half and hour to follow along. With layer masks, filters, blending options, and all the other variables, it’s hard to keep up. You could click on something instead of ctrl clicking and everything will snowball from there. I have a relatively decent understanding of the functions but still not proficient in designing work myself. I would be unable start from scratch and design anything that looks professional but can select items cleanly, content aware fill, and join images. I still get very confused with masks and when to add new layers.

So far it’s been fairly rewarding although I’ve begun to get frustrated with my limited skills. I can make interesting photos when I follow along a tutorial, but on my own wouldn’t amount to much.

Learning German

Learning a foreign language has never been something I’ve had much interest in. I took 3 years of French and had a basic understanding but never pursued it past that. Without any reason to use it, it goes away. With this upcoming trip to Germany and Austria, I don’t want to sound like a complete tourist and find it necessary to at least learn the basics within a 3 month span. Here is my progress over 6 weeks.

First of all, I hate learning it. I can’t sit there for more than 20 minutes at a time which makes progress extremely slow. I’ve watched youtube clips and have a dictionary of verbs, adjectives, and phrases but I forget words as quickly as I read them. Even learning that I is ich has been hard. Then you start throwing in all the verbs and how they alter with you, him, her and all the rest. All I can say is that I’m going to have to spend more time on German and less on Photoshop. Fortunately I have about 2+ more months of practice and will hopefully make some faster strides after the initial understanding of German. Schmerz im Arsch.

By Tom Stortz|2013-12-03T12:18:17-05:00December 3rd, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Money Cometh and Goeth

I ended up winning the FanDuel for 500 bucks which was a pleasant surprise. I remember the days when 500 dollars meant something more than it does now. This is one of the horrible aspects of getting older, money loses value emotionally and in relation to expenses. In other words, this $500 dollars was spent before it even hit my bank account (or better said, put to use in Fanduel again). In the past week I received an $177 bill from Comcast, $50 from the water department, $65 from gas company, and $594 for car insurance. So as you can see, the 500 dollars isn’t even touching my normal expenses so how could I get excited over winning it? It hits my bank account and I’m glad I have it, but it doesn’t change anything.

In college I always had about 1,000 bucks in my bank account from working over the summer and this seemed like a huge sum of money compared to my friends. Notice if I won the 500 dollars in college I would have been going nuts. Once I started working for the family business, I really started earning some cash and had little to no expenses. I lived at home for 2 years, drove my mom’s car around, and didn’t even pay for utilities. My only expenses were gambling losses with CK4 in AC. After 2 years of sweet living, I moved out and leased a car which brought about rent, insurance, and car payments. I had plenty of disposable income at this point in my life and invested far too much in relation to my money in the stock market thinking nothing could go wrong. At approximately the time I invested, early 08′, things went wrong. I irrationally sold some of the positions which proved moronic but when you are living in a time period where the financial sector is literally disappearing, it didn’t seem so irrational. This both ended and started a new life for me.

Over the next years I was still making a comfortable salary but expenses caught up with me. For the past 5 years I haven’t saved a single cent. I spend what I earn and that’s not even saying I’m a wild man, I just haven’t made more money in relation to my expenses. Sure I could do better saving, but I work to live and not live to work. If you read the blog, you’d know I purchased a home which was a wise decision in terms of building equity and hoping that home values stay put but with my luck, I tend to buy at the top. Either way, I’m bombarded with home expenses which I know will never go away and all other riff raff that comes along with purchasing. I’m not crying, I’m just informing any younger person that the older you get, the more shit comes your way. What used to be 50 dollars, now feels like 500 dollars.

The amazing thing is that I’m a Finance major. I’m the one who is supposed to be good at this stuff. How are other people supposed to handle expenses without the basic concepts of math and debt? It’s no surprise that the top 1% (the smartest people) control the majority of the money as the rest of the population suffers. Money is the root of all evil but try living without it.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-26T12:48:31-05:00November 26th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

FanDueling to the Money

The Fanduel team below will most likely lead me to a $500 dollar cash prize, $475 net. Many thanks go to the Wevs and the Wads who both played integral parts in its creation. I originally had Eric Decker and the Wads suggested Tavon Austin who not only outperformed but gave me more cap space. Then the Wevs told me, “Ike Taylor sucks” and Josh Gordon was going to go nuts which is exactly what he did. I added my main man Jamaal Charles which was the icing on the cake for a big week. The only way I don’t get first is if Frank Gore goes for 26+ points in a half point ppr. Happy days are here again. Actually I am probably down about 250 for the season in FanDuel and another 200 betting so this will bring me back to even.

The Pigskin Pickem is also providing huge entertainment as the Shee is tied for 3 in the world out of 500,000+ entries. I’m not too shabby at 226th but 8 games behind which is pretty major at this point in the season. We had the Pats last night in what can only be described as a thriller. Unfortunately, the group we are in is my brother’s work and the sheer domination from outside competition isn’t my intention. The Shee and I have a tie-breaker set up for tonight (both going the Niners obviously) that will have one of us winning 8 of 12 weeks? I seriously feel bad.

As a football themed post, my fantasy teams are almost all finished with an outside chance of hitting the 6th spot but that’s mostly wishful thinking. The Wild Turkeys need everything to go right next week but that is what happened last year so I still have hope. I don’t have much of an explanation for why I was so terrible this year but it’s just the was the cookie crumbles in fantasy. A few players on the shit list though are Steven Jackson, Run DMC, Dwayne Bowe, Trent Richardson, and Doug Martin. The players I love this year are Cam, Jamaal, Josh Gordon, and Kendell Wright is slowly creeping up the ranks. Rough season though.

To finish this post I will write about our intramural co-ed football team playoff game. To keep is simple, we got rolled by what was, frankly speaking, a better team. It wasn’t all that much fun losing. They hit open spots and their players didn’t make mistakes and our offense wasn’t as sharp as theirs. Tough season. We’ve never been able to climb back to the summit of our very first season what was probably 4 years ago.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-25T11:13:17-05:00November 25th, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

New Dresher Wawa Review

I had the pleasure of visiting the newly opened Wawa by the Fort Washington turnpike entrance in Dresher. I’ll start by saying I’m an avid Wawa fan even though I haven’t been going as often as I did a few years ago. The benefits of Wawa are that their gas prices are always competitive, their coffee is customizable, and everything feels clean and tastes good. I tend to be a person of routine and routinely getting the same items at Wawa is something I look forward to. Back to the Dresher Wawa.

I think I counted something like 16 pumps at their gas station and all their equipment was modern and obviously brand new. Gas was $3.23 which was fair even though I saw it in Jersey for $3.09 yesterday. It was in the morning and this place was already crowded. I entered the store and the bro ahead of me held the door open and I heard an employee say “bless you” when someone sneezed. I walked to the clean coffee area and got a cup of coffee that was piping hot. The coffee area was being cleaned as I was getting it so it was evident this area was someone’s responsibility. I also got a sausage, egg, and cheese Sizzli which was well made and delicious. There were 3 cashiers working and no line. The price was over 4 dollars which I thought was expensive but I suppose I was also paying for the experience. I left satisfied.

I count about 10 people but there were easily another 10 in line.

After the round of golf I played today, I had to eat lunch. I wanted to go to Primo’s but it was too crowded so I went back to the aforementioned Wawa. Packed wasn’t a proper description. There were at least 20 people in line and 6 employees dishing out sandwiches. Once again it was a smooth operation and I waited under 10 minutes for the entire transaction to take place. My turkey club was well made and I had no complaints. A bro even opened the door for 4 people in a row. All in all, unless this Wawa is putting on a show for it’s opening, everything was outstanding.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-22T14:11:48-05:00November 22nd, 2013|My Life|0 Comments

Back To Health

My mother texted me the other day and asked, “how are things going?” I replied with, “all good, the days are passing”. As with the majority of times I write something, I was aware that this may be construed as depressing. I pride myself on telling it like it is and I went with this answer because it was the truth. The Earth doesn’t stop spinning and time doesn’t wait for you. You either make things happen or watch it pass by. I’m casually watching it pass by but enjoying it as it goes. Things are looking up though.

One nice thing is that I’m finally able to work out properly again. Today I put down 4, 6 minute miles on a treadmill which was a huge undertaking considering how out of it I’ve been the past 6 weeks. My knee injury really sidelined me and its taken to this point until I’m close to what I’d say is full strength. Not surprisingly, I got hurt as I felt I was nearing my peak athletic performance but the reason being I was pushing myself as hard as possible. This injury wasn’t by mishap. Stupidity perhaps, but trying as hard as I could push my body led to injury. I’m finally back to running again and it feels good to be able to get back to regular form.

The two things that I need to do coming up are learn German and learn to ski. I’m heading to Germany in February and it would be nice to learn the language. The problem is that I find it incredibly time consuming and boring. I still have plenty of time but it’s not something I enjoy. Learning to ski is a completely different matter(horn). I got frostbite on my foot in college and hate the cold weather. In February, I have a colleague who wants to take me skiing on the alps. This is obviously intimidating considering he grew up on the mountain and I’ve barely completed a green circle. I plan on heading to a mountain over the course of the next few months if anyone is interested. I would even coordinate the trip if I can get enough people. The comment section wouldn’t be a bad place to start. Anyway, these little challenges just take some time to learn and I can overcome them but as I said before, I’m not wild about either.

Other than that, life is good and I’m feeling good physically and mentally. Winter is coming and I expect good things to come.

By Tom Stortz|2013-11-20T20:36:17-05:00November 20th, 2013|My Life|2 Comments